Orochimaru was too self-possessed to glare at the wall. Nono, while too nice to glare, managed to convey the same sentiment.
"We are unfit guardians, it appears." She said mildly, "Since we are unmarried and yet living together."
"They claim that as a result, we are 'suspect'."
"Suspicious, indeed." Nono commented mildly, leaning against her partner at an angle perfect for watching his back. "I doubt that this is so much discrimination against us as much as it is our marital status, though indeed, given the state of this world, I am surprised that genetic relation does not count for more."
"Even so," Orochimaru said darkly, "the cover Kabuto-kun elected to assume should mark us as the optimal guardians by virtue of being the only adequate teachers in utilizing his Quirk."
"Five and thirty years," Nono laughed softly, "And you still say quirk in the same way. Is it any wonder, Orochimaru, that they do not wish us to pass our inconvenient opinions onto the next generation, when our blood holds monopoly a strategic resource?"
"I would rather streamline the process of Kabuto-kun's adoption." Nono confessed, "Even if it means bending to our beloved government."
"This hassle could have been prevented if you let me take over the government." Her best friend sulked. "But imagine," Orochimaru said, amused, "If we were fruitful, and prospered, but no child of ours was of our blood. Their rage then."
"Marriage would not necessitate a change in our manner of life," Nono noted, "But it would smooth our way, and remove the hassle of turning down suitors. Besides, it comes with the benefit of allowing us to act as each other's next-of-kin." Catching Orochimaru's hand, she continued, "We are what we are, the name of a thing does not change its nature."
"Indeed." The Snake Sannin sighed. They were shinobi, prickly, suspicious, traumatized creatures trained to kill from the cradle. The bonds between them were far deeper and more complex than romance and marriage could define, dark things, trust forged from paths not taken, betrayals not enacted, and bribes not accepted; bright things too, bedrolls shared around campfires, watches volunteered for, grounding presences at each other's sides in a world with too little black and white.
"Think of it this way," Nono said lightly, "We are entering a legally binding roommate contract."
"That would do." Orochimaru smiled.
They failed to account for how much enthusiasm their colleagues had for their relationship.
Sumi, his First Minion, Lord of Legal, raised an eyebrow. "You are telling me to just file for a marriage license and get your marital status changed? Orochimaru-sama, on this matter, I'm exercising veto rights."
Nono winced, "We aren't in a relationship--"
"Bull. Shit. Yeah, I get that you aren't in a romantic relationship, but most of the org can see that you are in a relationship. You let each other into your labs and bring each other coffee! So, we're celebrating your union whether you like it or not--don't look at me like that, this way, you get loads of sappy pictures to wave around to incite public outrage with if you continue to get obstructed--and there will be public outrage, 'cus as of this moment--"
Sumi snapped and sent a picture of the note he had made with his quirk, "--your wedding is The Event of the year. Nono's ducklings will make sure of it. Cheer up, if it wasn't your wedding, you'd be saying the same thing. Come on, you taught us all this, Oro."
The pair's objections were bulldozed over by a cheerfully obstinate Sumi, who was followed up by seeming legions of others.
"Kay, Toad and Snake for Orochimaru's clothes, and Crane and Slug for Nono's? I've been sketching those motifs in my spare time for years. Pick the parts you like, we'll go from there."
"That is a dictionary-thickness book, not a scrapbook."
"I've been shipping it for years!"
"We need a large venue… Nono-sensei, our shrine can officiate, it's the least we can do in thanks for you helping to teach us the traditional dances!"
"Orochimaru-sensei, I got the message, we're creating a fireworks display. You requested violets and hemlock, of all things, but we're making it work."
"Nono-sensei, I told my boss about the wedding, she wants to cover it too. Do you think we can fit Tokyo News reporters in?"
"Orochimaru-sensei, I don't care. You're locked out of the lab for the foreseeable future while we work on our theses and you focus on your non-scientific life. Don't turn into a cryptid before you turn sixty."
"Nono, you have a backlog of vacation days. Take a rest."
"Izanagi, it's Horus, heard you're marrying Izanami. Still dunno why you got the god's name while he got the goddess's name, but hope you turn out better than the myths. Sent a few classified documents, enjoy."
"Izanami, found the intel you wanted. It has something to do with the Yakuza renaissance, but White Collar crime bears further investigation."
HAPPY MARRIAGE *ROOMMATE AGREEMENT!