Languages are stupid, just putting that out there.

I'm not bilingual, I'm the farthest from bilingual. I've read up on the experiences of bilingual people and what I'm going through doesn't match up at all. English and Inktonian both sound the same to me, but according to the native speakers of both languages, they are incredibly different.

Fun experiences include, but aren't limited to: Tenta saying something to me in Inktonian and I accidentally responding in English, and Alyssa pulling my ear or doing something that annoys me and me angrily yelling at her in Inktonian. It's not fun, I'm telling you.

I can barely tell if what I'm saying is English or gurgle mcgurgly language, the only way I can tell is if I pay attention to how my mouth moves as I speak. When I would say something in Inktonian, I basically would just say what I'd say in English, but the words that came out were different, in a language I maaaagically knew after zero days of studying it.

Don't get me started on how I understand Tenta. When he would speak, I would know that he's speaking a different language, but I'd register it as if it were my native language. Some things he would say don't translate well into English, so I've been giving the best translations possible (some things are best left untranslated, however).

Alyssa told me that my voice had changed too. She said that my pitch and tone sounded a little higher and now when I spoke in English I apparently sounded like I was "gurgling gross ass ginger ale" in the back of my throat. And when I was speaking in Inktonian she said it was "a nightmare of your voice being drowned." The funny thing about all of that is that I hadn't even noticed the gurgle in my voice at all until she said so.

Being an inkling is confusing as hell. Don't try this at home, kids.

Speaking of being an inkling, Tenta wanted to show me how to do inkling shit. And Alyssa was watching the two of us by the side in the living room. Honestly, what could possibly go wrong?

"So, how did you do that thing where you spit out ink?" I started us off, looking at Tenta curiously.

"Spit out in- Oh! You mean this?" He asked, before his cheeks swelled up and pink ink flew out of his mouth and splatted onto my face. I screeched and frantically wiped the ink off, luckily not getting it in my mouth this time. Weirdly enough... it kinda stung. I could hear Alyssa already laughing at my misfortune.

"Yes! That's what I fucking meant, you didn't need to spit in my face!" I growled, though he ignored my pissed expression and had a wide smile on his face.

"I felt like it, you looked like you needed a cool-off."

"It was warm."

Tenta gave me a dismissive shrug, "Okay yeah, true. But why do you want to learn how to spit? Don't you think turning into a squid would be more fun?"

"I can barely walk as it is, turning into a squid would be like training to be an acrobat. Plus, remember when you turned into a squid to hide from behind a potted plant and your clothes came off when you tried to scare me? I'd rather not end up naked in front of my sister too, thank you very much."

The pink inkling sighed, "Right...your clothes aren't made of ink, so it doesn't transform with us when we turn into squids. Sorry about that, by the way."

"The image is burned in my mind forever."

"I do have a cute ass though, right?"

"..."

Tenta coughed to hide his laughter, amused at my heavily unamused face, "I was kidding! Anyway, spitting ink isn't all that hard, just...wish for the ink to come into your mouth and then spit? I think that's pretty much how it works, but I've been an inkling all my life."

"Okay, I think I sorta understand." I began focusing on my mouth, trying my hardest to get ink to swell up in my cheeks. I felt something that was unfamiliar, which rang an alarm in my head. I smirked and went to spit on Tenta, he was gonna get it. After being spat on, I was going to get my revenge. He was going to get it.

He didn't get it. Purple ink dribbled down my chin and onto the floor, and soon Tenta and Alyssa were on the ground cackling at my misfortune. I stared with a dumbfounded expression at the ink dripping on the floor from my chin. Of course I wasn't going to get it right on my first try. I tried to say something but the ink in my mouth made what I was going to say rather gurgly, so I kept shut.

"I f-forgot-" Tenta started in between his laugher, "I forgot t-t-to tell you that you gotta b-build pressure! Otherwise it won't shoot out correctly! You literally just let ink collect in your mouth like a drooling baby!"

I clenched my wrists in annoyance before a sly smile grew on my face. I let the ink build up in my mouth once more and slowly stepped over to the still laughing Tenta. With a grin, I promptly let the ink on my mouth drip all over Tenta, proudly watching the inkling freeze and look up at me with wide eyes.

"...EW." Congratulations! Payback is a bitch.

I grinned a wicked smile, the three pointy teeth in my mouth most likely shining in Tenta's big eyes. He slowly wiped off the ink on his form and flicked it on to me, which made me flinch.

"God, you two are the grossest beings on this planet," Alyssa said off to the side, back on her phone and scrolling through social media.

I pointed at Tenta, "Nah, he's the grosser one. Don't forget, he refused to wash his hands for who knows how long because there was no diluted ink in the water. That was before we got him to shower."

"You're talking about the hand washing thing, aren't you? I wasn't used to it! Inklings hate water, just to remind you! Plus, I put my hands in the water for five seconds, I'm not a barbarian!"

"It's still gross! You're supposed to wash your hands for twenty seconds, not five! You're lucky none of us got sick with your gross inkling diseases!"

Tenta looked offended, "I don't have any diseases! I got all of my shots! I am a healthy inkling, one hundred percent pure apple that's ready to bite with no bruises!"

"Yeah, an apple covered with dirt that has shit mixed into it."

Tenta grumpily shoved his hands into his pockets, his cheeks noticeably pink, "Can we just not talk about it? I'm a changed inkling, okay?"

Before I could reply, the knob on the front door rattled and Terrell entered (when did he leave…?). In his arms he was holding a baby car seat, some food, and an umbrella. Tenta chirped a small greeting in English and Alyssa quickly darted over to Terrell, the smell of food taking over her brain already. Any sort of fast food made her a zombie pig.

Apparently it was dark and raining outside, as he was wearing a large raincoat and was shaking the umbrella to rid it of its water. Balanced in his arms was the food and drinks, fast food from a greasy restaurant with drinks that miraculously haven't spilled, plus a baby bag I hadn't noticed before. His time as a waiter has definitely come in handy, I most likely would've spilled those drinks if I were holding an umbrella, a car seat, and a bag in my hands all at once. An orange blanket covered the seat he held, small babbling noises coming from it. Wonderful.

"I'm home! I've got to take care of my friend's daughter for a little while since she's busy clearing something up at work. I got food too, I'm honestly just not in the cooking mood tonight, sorry you three." Terrell announced his arrival, then set the car seat and umbrella by the door, strolling to the kitchen and trusting that we'd watch over whoever was in the seat.

Tenta peered down at the car seat, wondering what was in there. "Little human?" He asked me and Alyssa, pointing at the wiggling blanket covering the car seat. The blanket was quickly pulled down to reveal a spitting little infant underneath it, the girl looking around with wide brown eyes, focusing them on Tenta once she realized he was in the room. She was wearing an orange raincoat and an orange rainhat, which was hiding her hair that was tied up on the top of her head. Her choco-brown cheeks were very chubby and moved as she babbled, slobber leaving her mouth and falling onto her lap.

"That's a baby, Tenta. Baaaaby." I explained to the pink inkling, pointing at the little girl in the car seat.

"Baaaaby." He copied, sounding out the word slowly to himself. He pointed to the girl, "Name, baby?"

I quickly shook my head, "No, no! Her name is um…"

"Nia!" I heard Terrell call from the kitchen.

"Her name is Nia. She is a baby. A 'little human'," I told Tenta, gaining a small nod in reply.

"Is that what the babies of humans look like? They look so strange, yet...kinda adorable?"

"It's okay, every human looks like shit as an infant. You should see them when they first come out. They're very ugly. They're all wrinkly and gross and they smell. I should know, my sister was like that when I first met her. Not a great first impression."

Tenta snorted and then dissolved into giggles, "You should see our infants, they look so gross when they first hatch. When they grow up they have this certain 'look' to them, other species like to call it 'adorably ugly.' I honestly can't say they're wrong."

"Did you look adorably ugly when you were growing up? I can't picture you being adorably ugly."

Tenta scoffed, "I was more ugly than adorable if anything. Remind me to never show you my baby pictures, I looked like...like a wet and transparent flesh sock dyed pink."

"A-A wet and transparent flesh sock dyed pink? Thanks for putting that image in my head,Tenta, I really needed that."

"I'd hate to interrupt this lovely conversation," Alyssa oh-so-rudely interrupted with food in her mouth, "But could one of you take the baby out of her seat? She's starting to fuss."

I shrugged, "I'm weak enough as it is, why can't you do it yourself?"

My sister gave me a dirty look, "You could just instruct Tenta to do it, I'm busy eating this delicious food that your incompetent hands would probably drop before it's even an inch from your mouth."

I rolled my eyes, "Y'don't gotta be so mean about it, and you wonder why I never liked you since you left that bad first impression on me."

"What bad first impression?"

"Inside joke." I said with a large grin.

Alyssa threw her free hand up in exasperation and went to release the baby from her seat, "Okay, screw you and your inside jokes. It's only been a couple of days since you've become an inkling and you're already making inside jokes with Tenta. The worst thing about it is that I have no way to understand them, knowing that you won't tell me and Tenta's understanding of English is the same as this little gremlin right here."

She bent down and placed her bag of food on the floor, removing Nia from the car seat just as Terrell walked back out of the kitchen, raincoat gone and arms free of food. In their place was a red turtleneck and blue jeans, a basic look for a rather basic brother.

"Food's in the kitchen! Grab your stuff when you want, I labeled the bags and drinks so you all know what is for who." He announced, walking over and grabbing a drooling Nia from Alyssa's arms, "I'll take this little slobber-mouth and feed her in my room, just walk in if you need something."

After watching him leave, I turned to the kitchen, "Okay, I'm starving. I'm so hungry, I could eat anoctorok."

"...What's an octorok? Sounds like the Englishword for octopus."

"Remind me to teach you about the video games in this world," I said, making my way to the kitchen with Tenta, hands clasped together since I couldn't walk properly yet. I looked to the staircase and saw Alyssa heading up the stairs, a burger shoved into her mouth as she ran up. Greedy.

"You guys have video games?! Why haven't you told me? I'd play games all the time back at home. After my daily battles, of course."

We arrived in the kitchen and spotted the bags of food and drinks on the counter. The smell wasn't entirely appealing to me, but I didn't hate fast food either. I just didn't eat it often.

"Daily battles?" I asked as I slowly stepped up to the bags of food. One of the bags had my name on it written in sharpie, and the other bag that was left had a small picture of a squid. Terrell must've remembered that Tenta couldn't read so he went with the next best option. A cute little squid icon, but purposely done to not resemble the official Splatoon style in any way. We didn't want to tell Tenta the truth just yet.

Tenta nodded enthusiastically, "Yes! They're a pain in the ass sometimes if you go into ranked, but fun! I myself don't go into regular turf wars that often, ranked battles are way more active and satisfying. Plus, I'm the highest rank possible, so you should treat me like I'm royalty."

"I'll treat you like you're royalty when you have a trillion bucks and have bought me food with each and every single one of them while wearing a crown." I then handed Tenta his bag of food, "Here's your stuff. Look, Terrell labeled it for you."

Tenta rolled his eyes and then scrunched up his nose, "Ew, is this greasy restaurant food? I don't eat this stuff much," He then spotted the little squid on the bag,"Oh! Is that a squid? It's so tiny and weird looking."

I pulled a couple of fries out of the bag, "Yeah, this is all thatTerrell can give us tonight. You've gotten his cooking and leftovers for what… two to three weeks by now? You can handle junk food for a night. And yeah, that's a squid,Terrellknows you can't read so he drew a little picture for you."

The pink inkling made a face as he took out a couple of fries from his bag, "Eugh, it's still gross. I just don't like this stuff, plus it's not healthy for me. I eat the healthy stuff more often, gotta keep up that battle bod, y'know? You should teach me how to read sometime, too. I imagine it's really complicated, since speaking English is hard enough already."

Heading out the kitchen and toward the stairs, I huffed, "Well, if you don't want your food so much, you can just give it to me. But sure, I can teach you our alphabet to help you read in our language. Sadly, that means I won't be able to insult you while typing on my laptop to my friends anymore since you're always over my shoulder."

Tenta rushed past me and ran up the stairs, mouth full of fries, "I take back everything I ever said about this stuff, grease is good for your health!"

Glancing at Tenta as he dashed up the stairs, I could tell that he forgot his drink back at the kitchen. Tilting my head back and groaning, I reluctantly managed to walk back to the kitchen and take Tenta's drink from the counter without tripping. I cocked my head to the side as I stared at the drink, wondering what flavor soda Terrell got him. The little squid drawing on the side was mocking me, it knew I was curious and was luring me to drink it, to try it. Driiiiink it, it would say. Driiiiiiiink it. Of course I will, little squid drawing.

I took a sip. Apple juice. Terrell got Tenta apple juice. I supposed that makes sense, Tenta likes healthy shit and while apple juice isn't the healthiest, it's better than cheap cola. Props to my brother for being considerate of Tenta and his health. I guess.

I flipped the straw in Tenta's drink upside down and walked back to the stairs. Not the best action to make up for my gross saliva being on his straw but I don't have many other options. He lived through his sickness so he'll live through my gross saliva, right? Right. I think. God, I hope I don't accidentally kill him by doing this.

I trudged into my room and spotted Tenta on the bed, watching TV. He had his burger shoved in his mouth and ketchup on his face. I wasn't unnerved by this, since by now I knew that he was a messy eater. Too messy, actually. Worse than Alyssa.

"You've got shit on your face." I told him as I walked in. He glanced at me for a second before searching in his bag for a napkin.

"Where? Is it on my cheeks?" He asked after gulping his burger down whole, bag crinkling from him rummaging through it.

I stared at him with wide eyes before shrugging and taking a napkin out of my own bag, shoving it in the face of Tenta and harshly rubbing off the ketchup, "It was riiiiight there."

The other inkling sputtered for a moment when the napkin was in his face and fell off the bed in surprise. "You could've been gentler!" He screeched in anger, cheeks flushed pink. I smirked at his expression and held out his drink.

"You forgot this."

He grumpily snatched it from my hand and took a sip. His eyebrows went up in surprise as soon as he tasted it and he looked straight at me.

"...Apple juice?"

"Uh-huh."

"I love apple juice! I don't drink it much, but it's my childhood favorite. It tastes so gooood." He chirped, happily slurping the juice from the cup. I blinked, not expecting that reply. Then I shrugged, better than him saying he preferred grape juice. Or worse, orange juice.

I hopped onto the bed and gazed at the TV, realizing it was displaying an old cartoon. What was that guy's name again? Popeye? I watched him as a kid a lot, he was the shit I'd look forward to when I turned on the TV. The show never motivated me to eat my greens like it probably did with other kids, but I loved the show anyway.

"So, what's this guy's deal?" Tenta asked, pointing to Popeye, "Why does he have tattoos of anchors?"

I wolfed down my burger like a savage, "He eats his greens, saves his girl, and kicks the asses of his enemies. The end."

Tenta looked at me with disgust and set down his apple juice. Or what was left of it, anyway. The dude drinks fast. "And you say I'm the messy eater."

"You are."

He pointed at my face and frowned, "There's stuff all over your face."

I rolled my eyes, "Let them stay, it's gonna be a face party. You're not invited."

Tenta took a napkin out of my bag and furiously wiped it against my face with a wide grin, "Party's over, everyone go home."

I whined and snatched the napkin from Tenta, "But the celebration's only just begun!"

"Celebration for what?"

"Your death!" I screeched, lunging at the pink inkling. He yelped and faced my wrath, the both of us collapsing to the floor and cackling. "That's what happens when you disrupt a face party!"

"Face parties are overrated!"

"You've never even been to one!"

"That's because you've never invited me!"

"Because you insulted the greatness that is face parties!"

We both sat there for a moment, catching our breaths with large grins on our faces. After a moment, I moved off of Tenta and flopped to the floor, feeling slightly tired.

"...What do we do now?" I asked, not ready to turn in for the night.

Tenta hummed and looked up at the ceiling in thought. Then he sat up, twiddling his thumbs in an almost nervous fashion.

"...Can we go see the human baby?" He asked a little quietly.

I gave him a strange look, "...Why?"

He huffed through his nose and gave me a side eye, "I've never seen one before! You guys look so similar to inklings and yet your babies aren't slimy little monsters. I wanna see the baby and what it does a little more."

I rolled my eyes and slowly stood up, "I mean, all babies are slimy little monsters regardless of species, but we can go see Nia if you want."

Instead of saying words like a normal person back to me, Tenta let out a small chirp in reply and started heading out my bedroom door. I had given him an incredulous look and he simply shrugged in reply. What a great explanation.

I'll save you from the explanation of the trip of going to Terrell's room since that was boring. Well, no, but rather just to hide my shame. Long story short, I fell down the stairs and Tenta laughed. The worst thing about it was that inkling laughter is the most mocking laughter I've ever heard, which made the experience a million times more embarrassing.

Arriving to Terrell's room, we both poked our heads in and saw my older brother going on his laptop with Nia next to him chewing on a toy. He briefly looked up from his laptop at the two of us and waved before glancing back down at the screen. I totally bet he's playing candy crush.

Without saying anything, Tenta let himself into the room and walked up to the side of the bed Nia was on, examining her closely with an excited expression. Nia did the same, looking at his tied up tentacles and beak. Then she made a small gurgling noise and offered the toy she was chewing on to him, slobber covering it from top to bottom.

Tenta glanced back at me with a bewildered look and I mouthed 'take it' to him. Then he sent me a look of disgust and switched his gaze back at the baby, hesitantly reaching out to grab the saliva-covered toy.

Then Nia shoved the toy back into her mouth right as he was about to grab it, looking up at his shocked face and giggling. See? I told you, babies are slimy little monsters no matter what species they are.

Growing tired of standing, I moved from the door myself and hopped up on the bed on Terrell's side, snuggling myself close to him. That may sound weird to you but he has this weird-ass aura of protection around him that's been around since he's raised us and I still fucking like it. Big brothers that raise their shit siblings need more credit.

"Watcha doin'...?" I mumble, lazily observing the screen on his laptop. I knew it, he was doing fucking facebook's candy crush. Old people itis is already getting to him and he's what- twenty five?

"Little miss gummy jaws over here has no teeth! None! How the hell…?" I heard Tenta exclaim, and saw him peering into Nia's slightly open mouth.

I rolled my eyes and slumped against Terrell a little more, "That's how humans work, Tenta."

"B-But like," He stuttered, "how did you guys even survive in the wild before you built technology 'n shit? Your babies look so fragile and they can't even eat right."

I sent Tenta an exasperated look and heard Terrell chuckle at our conversation. Sure, he couldn't understand us, but he could hear the tones just fine and I bet to an outsider this conversation would've been completely stupid.

"We...We breastfeed them, Tenta."

"...What?" Oh. My. GOD.

I pressed my hands to my face and exhaled rather roughly, earning another chuckle from Terrell. Glad you find this funny, old man….I hope he never reads this.

"Y'know? The...original way mammals were meant to feed their children?"

"Uhhhhhh…." Tenta looked completely baffled. "Doesn't sound familiar to me."

"Have you ever paid attention to your science classes? Don't they educate you on different animals?"

Tenta smiled sheepishly, "I used to sleep during those lessons and bomb the tests later."

I was miffed, "Science is the most interesting subject, you bastard! It teaches you all sorts of cool things that happens in your body!"

Tenta frowned, "Writing the different chemicals in DNA is hardly what I'd call 'cool' and 'interesting'."

"Every class has its bad sides but the good overrules in science!"

"Science is for nerds!"

"You're a nerd!" I screeched, then immediately felt a hand on the back of my head shove my face into a pillow. Too loud, got it.

I heard Tenta laugh at me but his cackling was cut short with a yelp and a 'FWIP'. Terrell must've gotten him too. One good thing about my older brother was that he was fair with his punishments. But if he were to play favorites then it'd be obvious that he'd go easy on me.

Keeping my head shoved in the pillow, I slowly felt myself be lulled to sleep by the cool air around me and the low hum of the laptop in Terrell's lap. I heard Tenta yawn somewhere in the background, and the bed shifted, which was most likely his doing.

"Guess I have to look after three sleepy babies," I heard Terrell mumble under his breath, amused at the two of us joining him and immediately starting to pass out on his bed. I would've said something in reply but I was really out of it. The pillow was soft and the blankets were soft and I think Terrell moved a part of the sheets over my body when I was dozing a little. Being adorable really had its perks.

I'm certain we were like that for a little while, Terrell tapping away at his laptop as the three of us 'babies' dozed on his bed. Nia's babbles turned into quiet little snores and Terrell's occasional mumbling and the hum of his laptop turned into calming background noise. This was the goals of many people's friday nights, I'm certain. Chilling on a king sized bed with a squid, a kid, and a not so kid.

...

I furrowed my brows and whined as gentle hand shook me awake. Something woke me from my slumber and I felt completely pissed. Giving my attacker the evil eye, I yawned and slowly sat up, rubbing my eyes.

"How long've we been out?" I mumbled and looked around the room. No lava pouring in and no water either, whatever I've been awoken for is a waste of time. I spotted Alyssa in the doorway with a rather urgent expression. What's her deal?

"Two hours," Terrell said while slowly shaking Tenta wake as well. He looked up at Alyssa in the doorway and mouthed something to her before turning back to me.

"Nia's mom arrived and is currently in the living room, you guys can't go back to your room since she'll see you on the way to the stairs so I'll need you both to hide under the bed."

"...Why?" I asked with sleepy confusion.

Terrell chuckled, "Your hair's slimy and your ears are pointy, I think that's explanation enough."

...Right.

I shuffled off the bed and slowly stepped over to Tenta's side, the inkling himself still struggling to stay awake. Struggling was an understatement, actually. He was swaying and his head was nodding as he used the little energy he had to keep himself upright, though I was sure he would tumble like a lumberjack's tree within the next few seconds.

Relaying the info to Tenta, we both crawled under the bed and waited for Nia's mom to come in. Apparently the reason why she was coming in was so that she could talk with Terrell about some work stuff and 'flirt' with him, even though we all knew it'd never get anywhere with him. My brother never was the type for romance and this woman straight up could never take a hint.

As she was in the room chatting with Terrell, Tenta and I contemplated falling back asleep but decided against it. Supposedly I snore like a bear, but on one hand Alyssa was really the only one to say that but on another...I don't want to take any chances. Nia's mom would probably shriek and collapse in a faint if she saw the two of us.

The discussion of Terrell taking care of her child and boring work stuff quickly changed from that to vacationing, and it was at that moment Tenta and I quietly came to a mutual understanding that we'd both be under here for quite a while.

For the first ten minutes we managed to keep ourselves busy with our thoughts, but by the fifteen minute mark we both started growing restless. I resisted the urge to make noise via patting the carpet floor or clicking my tongue, while Tenta constantly shifted around and looked uncomfortable.

At this time, the topic the two adults were having was something about cars and mechanics and it was boring the two of us to death and we really just wanted to leave.

By the thirty minute mark we were both growing more restless and more bitter. I sighed as quietly as I could as I heard Tenta fidget for the umpteeth time. Feeling sour, I turned my head to him and in the quietest voice possible-

"Why the hell are you shifting so much." I didn't add a question mark because that was how tired of his shit I was. It was hot, cramped, and I could smell Tenta's breath and I Did Not Like It.

Tenta kept silent for a moment, face shoved right into the carpet floor. Then he looked up at me with a rather troubled face and shifted for the fucking thousandth time.

"I really gotta use the fucking bathroom."

GREAT.

I slowly put a hand to my face and pulled it down as Tenta awkwardly looked off to the side, "Please don't tell me inklings have outrageously small bladders."

Tenta's face flushed pink and he didn't say anything. GOD. FUCKING. DAMNIT.

"Tenta, I swear to god. If you piss in this tiny ass little space where we are breathing each other's gross-ass stinky breath, I will murder you."

It was clear that the tension between us was growing higher, and I was sure that Tenta was going to fucking piss all over the carpet if we didn't get out here soon. I don't care how cute Nia is, her mother is a bitch that needs to leave and I want her GONE.

At last, after twenty more minutes, her footsteps went out the bedroom door and I saw Terrell bend down to look under the bed.

"I'll get back to you guys once the coast is clear, how are you holding up?"

"Does having a desperate need to piss count as 'just dandy' 'cuz Tenta's about to unleash a flood," I hissed.

My older brother stayed silent for a moment, then in a slightly more stressed voice, asked-

"How bad does he have to go?"

Asking the same question to Tenta….

"72."

Sighing, I relayed the info back to Terrell.

"He has to piss so bad that he gave me a number when I literally asked him the exact same question."

Terrell exhaled and closed his eyes in silent acceptance, "Tell him to wait as much as he can, but if he ends up going then there's no need to stress over it."

As a good translator, I relayed the information as best as I could.

"You're going to fucking piss yourself but Terrell's gonna buy you ice cream since it's his fault he didn't wake us in time and he'll feel bad."

"THAT'S FUCKING DANDY." Tenta shrieked, not giving a shit about volume since the woman wasn't in the room anymore.

We both sat there in very tense silence.

"...Applejuice goes right through you, doesn't it? That's why you don't drink it often, isn't it?"

"I want to die."

Jokes on me for expecting an intelligent answer in a crisis like this.

After five more excruciating minutes, Terrell came back in and calmly announced, "The coast is clear!"

Tenta, not able to understand a word he said, darted out from under the bed anyway and raced down the hall. That's what I'm assuming, anyway, as all I heard were rapid footsteps and the sound someone makes when they're dying inside but coming from his mouth.

Crawling out from that claustrophobic's-worst-nightmare area, I stretched and slowly walked out the room, but briefly turned back to Terrell right before I went out the door.

"I hope you know that Tenta's down the hall, right outside the bathroom, currently pissing himself 'cuz he has the bladder of a peanut and that we'll need a shit ton of towels to clean it up and a shit ton of tissues to clean up his gross, snotty face since his pride was shattered."

Terrell sighed and rubbed his neck in a Stressed Adult manner, "Yeah, I know. I'll buy him some ice cream while I'm at the store tomorrow. What's his favorite flavor?"

"Algae."

"...Mint it is." Good enough.

Taking a moment before I went out the door, I thought about how bad the tension was gonna be after the craziness went away.

…

Update. I can predict the future. And it's shitty.

Tenta and I sat on my bed watching TV, though I could feel the tension in the air. We were in loose-fitting pajamas and while comfortable, were also uncomfortable.

I mean, what do you say to a friend after they piss themselves in your hallway and your older brother has to clean up after them again?

The answer is nothing. Tenta feels like shit as it is and I shouldn't say anything.

It was currently an hour after that whole ordeal happened and though my brother tried to apologize, Tenta completely shut into himself and refused to say a word to anyone. It's really awkward, especially when you'd try to start up a conversation and get absolutely nothing in reply.

Yawning, I pressed a couple buttons on the remote and turned off the TV, setting the rectangular device on my nightstand and flopping back onto my bed.

"Alright, I'm ready to go out for the night, it's like 2 am and I'm exhausted."

No response from Tenta.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

Okay, this was getting ridiculous.

I sighed, "Look, Tenta, don't worry about what happened earlier. It was beyond your control and none of us blame you for it."

Still no response.

"...Tenta-"

"Will, I'm really, really sorry for vomiting and pissing in your hallway."

I didn't know whether to snort in laughter or accept his apology, but judging by the "im about to cry" hoarseness in his voice, I went with neither.

"I-I just...I haven't been the easiest guest to take care of for you and your family and I'm really fuck- really f-f-fuck! Fuck!"

"Dude-Tenta, hey, it's okay-"

"It's not fucking okay!" Tenta hiccuped, small tears pricking in the corners of his eyes. He was getting worked up over something that wasn't his fault.

He continued, getting more and more upset by the second, "I fucking just...came out of nowhere and fucked up everything. I somehow turned you into an inkling, and now you can't fucking go outside-"

"Tenta, seriously, it's fine-"

"-and you guys gotta fucking feed me and put up with my shit and what'd I do? I fucking vomited on your floor and pissed on it too, real fucking appreciative of me-"

"Tenta, please-"

"-I mean what kind of fucking guest am I? When those fucking octos shot me I should've fucking died instead of being sent here, I've done nothing but fuck up my whole goddamn life anyway so why would it even matter-"

"Tenta, for the love of God would you STOP." I hissed in English. Despite the fact that he couldn't understand English, he instantly grew silent and looked down at the mattress.

The air in this room had so much tension I'm surprised we didn't drown.

Pinching the bridge of my nose and looking up at Tenta, I could tell that he was trying so hard to keep from breaking down right then and there. His face was so pink, way pinker than I've ever seen him before, and his hands had moved to cover his eyes. His lips were pressed into the straightest line possible, though it was easy to tell it was straining. This dude was a mess.

Grabbing Tenta's wrists, I moved his hands away from his face and did my best to look him in the eye. It was challenging, he kept looking away until I sighed in exasperation at his behavior. He could tell I was growing irritated.

"Tenta, look. I'm no therapist or anything, but it's clear you're frustrated over something much more than pissing yourself. Instead of holding it in, I want you to tell me what's up and let it all go."

"..." He moved his gaze back to the mattress. I'd have murdered him but I was helping him, no time for blood.

"I'm really sorry." He mumbled, ears becoming almost as droopy as mine.

I pulled the blankets off of his body and wrapped them around the two of us instead. This was gonna be our 'cry' fort and like losers, we're gonna cry in it if we need to.

"It's fine."

It started out quiet at first, with small sniffles, but quickly Tenta managed to go from a one to a five thousand in the split of a second. Hot tears welled up in his eyes and his breath hitched as he inevitably succumbed to his emotions. He buried his face in my shoulder and stayed there as his sobs grew louder and more shaky.

"I'm really s...really sorry about being so terrible to your family." He mumbled after around five minutes of nonstop crying, "I...I didn't mean to do this to you guys an-and…"

"Wasn't your fault." I muttered bitterly while rubbing his back. "From what I know, you came here against your will, was completely terrified of us and relied on your instincts to try and escape, and the dumb bitch that Terrell's coworkers with stayed for much longer than she needed. None of this was your fault, okay?"

"..."

"..."

"I-I...I just-..."

"...What?"

"Noth-Nothing. It was nothing. It's nothing."

"Spit it out."

"It's fucking nothing, okay?"

I forced him off my shoulder and looked him directly in his lime-colored eyes.

"Tenta."

After almost a solid ten seconds of staring at each other, Tenta broke and hid his face in his hands, turning away from me and threatening to turn into a bawling mess once more.

"I really wanna fucking go home, okay? I-I was already gone for...for like, two weeks. Then I showed up here and it's b...been almost a month and- a-a-aaaaand….."

He wiped his eyes in a futile attempt to get rid of his tears, but they kept coming and falling onto the blanket like an uncontrollable flood.

"I haven't seen my friends in so long, I really m-mis-miss the-eem. It's fucking stupid, I know. A teenager like me turning sixteen soon shou-shouldn't be whining and crying like a fucking infant. I should just….should just suck it up and move on but it hurts."

After a long pause, I only said two words, "You're stupid."

Tenta gave me the most hurt look I've ever seen him muster. He looked like the saddest puppy you could ever see.

I rolled my eyes, way for him to take it the wrong way. "I meant that you're stupid for thinking that. Listen, you have every right to feel like you are right now and I meant what I said when I said everything wasn't your fault."

Tenta stayed quiet. I noticed him twisting the mattress with his fist.

I continued, "I know you're upset with the fact that you haven't been the best guest to us, but we're all okay with that! Trust me, my brother would never just boot someone to the street because of one or two little mistakes. My sister, I'm not sure."

The smallest of smiles appeared on his face, but was rapidly fading. I had to keep going.

"And look, missing your friends is fine! You've been gone for much longer than you should've, been unwillingly stuck here for a while, and not being able to even text your friends must be killing you inside. But y'know what? You'll get back. You managed to get here, so there must be a way back to your world. We just gotta find it. Crying can get rid of frustration, but it won't solve all of your problems. We'll find a way to get you home, alright?"

Tenta stared at the mattress a little more, a few stray tears strolling down his cheeks, before moving his gaze right up to me.

"...When did you become the king of pep-talks?" Of course.

A large grin spread on his face once he noticed my unimpressed expression, and he started giggling. I rolled my eyes and folded my arms as Tenta laughed at me, though I couldn't hide my growing smirk.

He eventually rubbed his face clear of his tear tracks after his fit of laughing and yawned, drowsiness suddenly rushing at him. He looked at me, then at the light switch.

"I'm not turning that off."

I snorted, "Well I ain't turning it off either."

We both sat there for a moment.

Then, without warning, I tickled Tenta in his side and cackled as he shrieked in surprise and fell off the bed with a large thud. I stared down at him as he laid on his back and glared daggers right back up at me, one of his tentacles stuck to his cheek. After a moment, he got the energy to sit himself up and crawl back up on the bed.

He pretended to roll back his sleeves despite his pajama shirt having short sleeves, and gave me a rather malicious smile as he slowly stood up on the bed.

"Oh...You're gonna get it."

Every hint of happiness and smugness immediately ran out of my body as I saw him wiggle his fingers, and I knew at that moment I was going to die and never return. Goodbye, everyone, I hope you can understand that this story may never be updated ever again.

…

So we're going to skip over the part where I died and jump to when Tenta and I are lying in bed because I love my pride not shattered. Unfortunately, I was the one who had to shut off the light since I lost the...fight. We fought. We are Men. Masculinity, testosterone, balls, penis, mustaches.

I yawned as I browsed my phone in the dark and Tenta watched beside me. All I really saw were some stupid selfies, tragic news someplace, and drama between my sister and her now ex-friend. Ah, yes, social media was a beautiful place.

...Wait.

"Why are you sleeping in my bed, again?"

Tenta groaned and turned the other way, "Thunderstorm, got scared, slept in your bed, yadda yadda Ifeelsafehere, the end."

"What was that last part?"

"...The end."

I rolled my eyes and turned off the phone, setting it on the nightstand next to the bed and snuggling myself into the blankets.

"Uh-huh. Yeah. Sure. Well, I'm glad you feel safe here, 'cuz it'd be bad for you not to be."

"Shut up."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Um...Thanks, Will. For putting up with me."

"It's fine. Thanks for drinking a whole thing of applejuice and having to piss soon after."

"I said I was sorry for that."

"You say you're sorry for a lot of things."

"Well, tonight I actually meant it."

"I know I know." I said reassuringly to him, then burrowed my face into a pillow and started making my way to dreamland.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"…I really need to get back home so I can get in shape again."

"Go the fuck to sleep."