In which Endeavor's mental monologue is disgusting, he gets perpetually ignored, the Snakes Comically Miss the Point, and Shinsou Hitoshi gets introduced. Also, fun with acronyms.
Endeavor calling LGBTQ people abnormalities is in no way endorsed by the author, and he does it because he's a Flaming Pile of Garbage. As Dabi says, think what Endeavor would do, then do anything but that.
One of the worst things about Yuuei was how it pandered to civilian parents, holding this joke of a emergency parent-teacher conference the night after the USJ attack. There was no point in wasting time informing civilians about matters beyond their expertise and allowing them to complain and interfere with the training of their offspring, and there was the further annoyance of the men and women reverting to a puerile state and swarming him and further delaying the start of the meeting.
"Endeavor." An unfortunately familiar voice came from the doorway-the woman, dressed in a white suit, hand on the shoulder of the kimono-clad …abnormality. She looked at him contemptuously, and he felt an irrational burst of embarrassment over his predicament, quickly smothered by rage.
"I see that you have chosen to hide your complete lack of taste by wearing that clownish battle outfit to a parent-teacher conference."
"You." He growled, "Why are you here at this hero school?"
"Our son, Kabuto, studies here as well," said the abnormality in reply, obviously suppressing a laugh at his expense, "Or do you think us such terrible parents as to not pay attention to our children's education?"
The pair chose two desks by the window, somehow communicating hostility towards him while putting up a façade of being doting parents to the civilians, somehow successfully calming the needlessly panicked men and women about the state of their children, the doctor more than her hus-spou-partner.
But that was to be expected. If Todoroki Rei had been ice, then Yakushi Nono was water. Where Rei had been initially resistant and hard like ice, she had been brittle, shattering too easily and retreating into a glacial shell. Nono was seemingly soft, like water, but there was a toughness to that woman, as well as terrifying levels of adaptability. Despite her deceptively gentle demeanor, she was hard, unyielding, and fought with a viciousness that rivalled most villains when pushed. He had thought her to be an excellent choice for a family doctor, young and female and therefore more acceptable to Rei and less likely to instigate anything untoward, not to mention less capable of causing anything unmanageable. Background checks had found Nono to be excellent, with near-perfect scores from the top schools in the country and praises sung by most teachers she came into contact with. The Heroics Commission had even made an offer to her, to be firmly turned down as the woman seemed not to have the stomach for frontline work and instead preferred to pursue a career in medicine.
However, while on paper, the woman had been perfect, he had found her to be (politely) opinionated and excessively nosy. Endurable, until she reacted to the matter of his sons' training with an attempt at a lawsuit. It failed, of course, and she should have been discredited and ruined for life. Yet, either by leaning on the influence of the effeminate creature or some other sort of dealing, she had managed to resurface and rise to the forefront of her profession, leading to the inconvenient reality of him having cultivated a somewhat influential and highly motivated enemy. Whose offspring was in the same class as his son-he vaguely recalled a scandal approximately ten years ago regarding the only survivor of the unsolved Hyotan Labs massacre and the custody case that followed-the boy had been called something along the lines of hat, or was it helmet?
He forced himself to keep half an ear open and listen to the drivel about security, assurances of the students' safety, and the necessity of the Sports Festival despite the USJ attack, during which his son had performed admirably, but without using his fire side despite the real-life threat of attacking riffraff. He could only hope that the abilities of his boy's classmates and the pressure of publicity would persuade the boy to cease his childish recalcitrance.
Thinking about one son had brought to mind the other, less tractable one. Touya had somehow taken up with the organization that styled itself "Otogakure" and its heads. The threat of the pair exerting their malign influence over his most important son through their own progeny was high, but the media scrutiny of transferring his son out on the eve of the Sports Festival would be high, and would only rise higher afterwards, until the potential negative PR would tie his hands. He had directed his agency to investigate Touya's alias "Yakushi Dabi", but so far, aside from a veritable mountain of letters in their inbox signed with the name, as well as a presence in a discreet law school, there had been no sign of the boy, and the investigation had been stalled at every turn. It was as if "Otogakure's" influence had seeped in every crack and crevice of the system.
Once the farce of the meeting was finally over, Eraserhead called for both him and the Yakushis to stay behind.
"Endeavor," He said tiredly, "There's also a small matter involving your given name and En-the USJ Noumu. It mostly involves Yakushi Kabuto, which is why I asked you to stay, Yakushi-san, Yakushi-san."
"Oh?" asked the abnormality, "What has Kabuto done this time?"
Eraserhead looked even more exhausted at that, "He has claimed the Noumu in question as a pet, and refuses to release it into custody. Furthermore, he has mobilized the entire class, including Bakugo, to protect the thing, and they've set up a round-the-clock guard to prevent the police from taking it away discreetly."
The underground hero showed them his phone, on which was displayed a soundless video of class 1-A clustered around the beaked black giant and engaging in miscellaneous activities, most of which involved the Noumu. To his surprise, his son was participating as well, throwing a ball of ice for the Noumu to catch and eat.
"Really?" The doctor produced a notepad and pulled the pen from her bun, "Can Kabuto and his classmates manage the Noumu's care and feeding? I am unfamiliar with its physiology, but I presume that its caloric intake…"
The abnormality, Orochimaru ignored both heroes to start scribbling with his wife.
"-That was not what I meant," Eraserhead sighed, "While focusing on caring for the Noumu has indeed kept the children from focusing on the trauma of the attack, it still remains that they are refusing to surrender evidence and obstructing an ongoing investigation. More importantly, the Noumu is, as far as our best guess goes, a synthesized biological weapon, which UA's facilities are not capable of containing, and while it is currently docile, we have no way of predicting whether or not it will attack, therefore, it is a threat to our students safety. So far, Kabuto has not been open to persuasion, although he has been attempting to exhort us for better scientific facilities, and we were hoping that you, as his parents, might be able to talk some sense into him."
Endeavor had enough of being ignored. He cut in, "Why am I here then?"
"Well…" Eraserhead winced, "Kabuto named the Noumu Enji."
The fire pouring off him exploded.
He was greeted with Orochimaru tucking a small sensor into his wife's bag when he forced a lid on his anger.
"Well," the abnormality said, "Kabuto's new pet seems reasonable enough. I'm sure we can establish a few failsafes, either via technological means or a quirk? My wife and I would need to examine it to ascertain exactly what it can subsist on, given that I doubt it photosynthesizes, and synthetic creatures rarely have the same dietary needs as standard humans."
"I approve of the name," the woman noted mildly, "'Enji' needs to have some positive connotations attached to it before it turns into another 'Adolf', and given that it is a rather nice name, I'd rather not have it lost to notoriety. If that's all, Aizawa-sensei, may we leave? Isolating the correct chemical structure for Enji's meals will take time, and while I'm certain that glucose will tide Enji over for the first day or so, we really must hurry."
To add insult to injury, none of the other occupants of the room protested her use of the name.
Kabuto hummed idly. He had found the firewalls suspiciously fragile when he went through them with his phone, and a quick search in the student files had found him a two useful assets-one mad engineer, and one pseudo-Shisui.
Pseudo-Shisui was closer, which was why he was sneaking a visit to General Studies.
Purple hair and eyebags. Nara-esque posture. Target locked.
"Hitoshi-san?"
"Who's asking?"
"Yakushi Kabuto, 1-A. I need your help. Please?"
"Hero Studies?"
"Evidently." Kabuto shrugged, "And we just nearly got killed. Which is why I need your help."
"What'll you give?"
"Connections, study sessions, the inside scoop on gossip, and how to negotiate properly, blah, blah, blah. Oh, and free access to my mom's bentos, though I doubt you'd like them-mom's only good at baking."
Hitoshi-san (it was odd, how surnames were far more varied and less sensitive than Konoha, where half the population were Clans and the other half wouldn't use a surname and make it easier for avengers for the life of them) considered, then grunted out, "Fine."
"Excellent. Welcome to plan SENIP, AKA Stop! Enji the Noumu Is a Pet!"
"That acronym spells penis if you switch the S and P around."
"We're teenagers, what do you expect? Besides, Hitoshi-san, I wanted it to be Stop! A Pet Is the Noumu Enji-SPINE, but that's not very good English."
"…I have lost my respect for the Hero Course."
"Did you ever have it?"
"…Point."
Also, note that Endeavor never uses Shouto's name, it's always "his son" or "the boy", etc. I'm trying to use this to show that the Trashbag doesn't see Shouto as an individual person. Contrast the Snakes, who always use Kabuto's name. (Nono's a spy, she knows the value of a name)