A/N: I haven't slept in two days because anxiety is a thing, and I just finished writing this last night.
I hope you enjoy it! Tell me your thoughts about it. I just quickly edited it hehe
Also! You can find me on twitter fuurai_tsubaki where I scream about bandori girls and aaside boys, if you're familiar with the fandom. or you know you could also talk to me there.
Darn, my eyelids are closing...
Hakutaku would rather die than to admit one thing.
At night when he needs warmth, arms to hold him tightly for him to not feel alone, words to comfort him to make it through another day, the fluffy sweetness of a girl's company or the roughness of a man's passion, Hakutaku was confident that he can get whatever he wanted just as long as he so asks. What more could he ask for?
With a single exemption that whomever they may be, no matter how distant or how close the person was to him, as long as Hakutaku does not wake up with them still in his apartment, then he is fine.
Distance is important. Distance is the most vital thing he could ever hold on to, because Hakutaku would rather die than to admit one thing.
Just at night, when his thoughts would not escape him, when the thing he so wanted to avoid is as loud as the howling winds of a hurricane, rampaging, creating so much havoc that he knew he would be destroyed if he didn't run away. Hakutaku refuses to acknowledge one thing.
Hakutaku would be lying if he said Hoozuki and him got along. They never did. For some unknown reason, from the first time they met, they were already at each other's throats.
Everything Hakutaku did annoyed Hoozuki to the point of violence and Hakutaku admits that the other drives him to the point of insanity.
They clearly do not match.
They would rather avoid each other till one dies early enough to end their unending misery.
Unfortunately though, they see each other often as they both happen to be the representatives of the Medical Development team and the Management team respectively during the meetings they would much rather not attend.
"Have you gotten yourself checked yet? We wouldn't want one of the representatives to be carrying some disease," was Hoozuki's irritated greeting.
"As far as I know your attitude is more of a disease than my hobbies," Hakutaku replied through gritted teeth.
"If my polite attitude bothers you then maybe you should start reconsidering the morals you've been holding onto."
Usually, they would have to stop bickering once the meeting has started, as "professional adults".
Hoozuki would rather die than to admit one thing.
He had a job to keep him busy, that also allows him to buy everything he wanted, the position which people envy, co-workers that admire the work he does, Hoozuki is living the life people thought they would only dream of having. He is confident that he could get whatever he wanted if he so reaches out to take it with his very own hands. What more could he ask for?
His strictness had always caused people to distance themselves at first but his consistent sadistic streak had also been his own way of being kind, thus he became someone people trusts. As long as they do their job properly though, he didn't quite care what they saw him as.
Everyone he knew respected him and held him permanently in a pedestal that he couldn't seem to get out of and because of this, Hoozuki would rather die than admit that one thing.
Just at night when there is no more work to be done, when the silence of his house deafens him to the point of irritation, when sleep is not something so easily attainable, when the number of pills he needed to take just keeps on increasing that sometimes in spite of his cool headedness, he just wanted to scream. However, Hoozuki would rather die than to say it out loud.
It started when Hakutaku skipped work due to a cold. He attended the meeting through a video conference but fainted in the middle of the conversation which created a huge commotion.
Hoozuki was pissed.
If Hakutaku knew that he was not in the condition to attend the meeting then he could have just avoided everything altogether and died silently without letting everyone know.
Now, everything is in chaos and everyone's arguing who is supposed to go to Hakutaku's house to check up on him.
What is even more frustrating is that almost everybody seems to know where his house is. How much of a gigolo can one person be?
Hoozuki's boss, Enma, wanted to appease everyone, so he decided he would need to put his foot down by telling them that Hoozuki would be the one to check on Hakutaku.
Enma had been too busy trying to pacify everyone that he did not notice the sinister aura that Hoozuki was giving off.
Hoozuki's luck must have been running out.
There are things that had to be done no matter how much he doesn't want to do them.
Hoozuki dreaded each step he took closer to Hakutaku's apartment, mentally reminding himself to sue Enma for everything this is worth.
Hoozuki contacted the landlady of the apartment complex whom have almost immediately given him the spare keys to Hakutaku's room the moment he mentioned the other fainting.
The landlady's worry looked more than what was necessary that one could conclude that there was history between her and the man whore.
Hoozuki did not bother knocking, as he did not care enough for courtesies when in the middle of his raging fury. He followed the instructions given to him by his co-workers who told him where to find Hakutaku's room. Whatever the reason may be behind them knowing where Hakutaku's room was, Hoozuki did not want to know. They could have all been there and slept with him for all he cared.
Hoozuki is visiting because he was ordered to do so and not because he was worried. He also reminded himself of this fact.
Upon entering Hakutaku's room, Hoozuki found the man he was looking for lying at the foot of his bed. The comforter was still clasped tightly in Hakutaku's hands that Hoozuki guessed that the guy was trying to climb back to bed but didn't quite make it there.
Is Hakutaku really an adult? He didn't seem like it. He looked like a child who fell from his bed and decided that going back up is not worth it.
Whatever it is, Hakutaku is definitely a pain in the ass.
Hoozuki gritted his teeth and crouched down to check Hakutaku's temperature.
Hakutaku is still burning up.
Glancing at the bedside table, it looked like he had already drank his medicine but his temperature didn't seem like it went down yet.
Hakutaku would have to be brought to the hospital if this goes on.
Hoozuki tried. He really did. He tried to wake Hakutaku up as much as his patience would allow him, but after the third nudge and there were still no signs of Hakutaku waking up, Hoozuki gave up.
Hoozuki heaved a sigh of resignation, scooped Hakutaku up and —though wanting to throw him to the bed, gently laid him down.
If anyone told him that one of the most cliche events in all forms of literature ever made would happen to him today, he would have slapped them to oblivion, but nobody warned him and he is nowhere near prepared.
When Hakutaku's hazy eyes stared right back at him while lethargically holding the sleeve of his shirt, he was taken aback.
It was weird.
Vulnerability is not something Hakutaku had ever shown Hoozuki. More than anything else, Hoozuki only ever saw him as the annoying co-worker that you just don't want to live long.
Half lidded eyes, trembling hands and a slightly pleading voice told him, "Stay," Hoozuki could not help but stand frozen in place.
It could have been Hakutaku's temperature affecting him and his senses, but Hoozuki felt unbelievably hot.
Hoozuki was exhausted, in his mind, that was the excuse he used to justify anything and everything he will be doing hereafter.
Hakutaku was sick, he was not thinking straight, he was alone and no one else was there to take care of him, he had every loophole he would ever need.
This could just be one thing that would soon be forgiven and forgotten as time goes by.
What's happening right now, Hakutaku holding onto him for whatever reason, and Hoozuki letting him do as he pleases, the idea itself is so outlandish and sacrilegious of the dynamic they both knew existed between them that it won't even pass up as a good joke in the future.
Whatever.
Hoozuki is tired.
Hakutaku is sick.
And there is one thing they won't admit even if they had to die right then and there.
It's unbelievable. It is.
Hakutaku would have never allowed someone in his bedroom if only to stand idly to keep him company. His bedroom is only for sex. Emotions are supposed to be dealt outside his apartment. Inside it he prefers to keep things as transactional as possible. His partners just gets what they want from him and leave before he wakes up. It had been that way for as long as he remembers.
Hakutaku knew that temporary warmth is not something he should be accustomed to but if that is all that was available, wouldn't you normally just take it and be happy with it?
Hoozuki would have never taken cared of someone —even barely. He would not have ever preferred to 'stay' just because someone told him so, for that someone to be Hakutaku no less. He had trouble sleeping alone, more so if he had to 'stay' awake for someone else's sake. It had been like that since he had decided to focus all his energy towards his work and nothing else.
Hoozuki knew that he had already reached the goal he had previously established to consider himself successful but upon reaching it he didn't know what to do, thus he blindly kept on going. It would have been wrong to disregard all of which he was given, right?
They both just did the right thing they thought would help them, even if somewhere along the way, they lost the reason why they even began doing what they had.
Adding up to the bizarre things that had been happening, exhaustion took over Hoozuki without needing to take the pills he had grown used to. And if all things that will happen tonight will be forgiven, he would take the leap.
Hoozuki laid beside Hakutaku, though not being able to look at him directly, he settles for the warmth of Hakutaku's hands.
Hakutaku was comforted by the presence beside him, allowing him to forget the fact that he was usually alone in his empty apartment. He squeezed back at the hand that held his.
"I am lonely."
"There's something missing."
Now, there are two things they would not admit even before they both breathe their last.
"He knew I was awake."
"I knew you were awake."
Who knows what will happen next?