I wasn't actually planning on doing a story for Memento Mori but my plot bunny for Dominion went back and planted this seed when I was thinking about all the times Vala has had her memories messed with. And so this was born.
'Missing' scene. Takes place an undefined number of days after the end of Memento Mori and deals with the stuff that wasn't addressed in the episode. Doesn't directly reference my other story 'One of Them' but is the same universe. Vala/Daniel hurt/comfort. Angst be my wheelhouse.
I hope you enjoy :)
Vala swiveled in the desk chair, legs pulled up to her chest, away from the monitor and the research she'd been doing into the Clava Thessara Infinitas. Given that she'd been tortured for it she thought they'd have to let her keep some of the treasure it promised, but even that couldn't keep her interest at the moment. "Daniel?"
"Hmm?" He kept his attention on the text he was perusing at the table, anticipating a melodramatic declaration of hunger or boredom or a newly-discovered chip in her nail.
Smiling up at him (and his features endearingly pinched with concentration), she distractedly fiddled with a pigtail. "Do you know where Lieutenant Aston is? I haven't had a chance to show him my badges yet." He would be happy for her, she was sure. If only she could find him.
Daniel froze, then forced himself to meet her (obliviously) cheerful gaze. While she'd recovered all her memories from before the kidnapping she had only a vague recollection of escaping after, whether because her brain had still been 'rebooting' or because she was intentionally blocking it out. Carolyn thought it was probably a combination of both, with the former facilitating the latter, and had recommended the reformed thief be allowed to remember the details on her own to prevent further trauma. Which he had (gratefully) taken to mean they wouldn't have to tell her, but which the doctor had promptly clarified meant someone she trusted needed to help her remember by walking her through it. Which was arguably worse…
The displeased thinning of his lips made Vala's smile morph into a cheeky grin. "Aw, don't be upset, darling – I have no genuine designs on him; he's good for a flirt, that's all, seeing as you refuse to satisfy my… ego." She had a few of those on base – to keep from going wonko when the others left her behind or were busy – though they all seemed to be avoiding her since her return. Some of the personnel had been doing worse than avoiding, actually, and she tried not to let it bother her that they resented her addition to SG-1. Tried not to dwell on if they were right to… "Anyway, I thought maybe his team was away on a mission but I snuck a peek at Walter's logs during shift change and SG-15 hasn't been off-world in over a month."
Of course the others had quickly called 'Not it!' (though, really, there had never been any question, judging by the way they'd all immediately turned to him) and he'd been putting it off in hopes she'd just wake up one morning and the information would be there. Clearly he wouldn't be that lucky… "Yeah, about that..." He set his pencil down with a resigned sigh. "We need to talk."
Extending a foot, she pushed off the desk to send herself spinning. "Well, that doesn't sound ominous at all." Was it really necessary to say they needed to talk when they were talking? "Has he reported me for improper behavior? Because I swear I thought he enjoyed our banter as much as I did. Not too much, though; as I said I'm not interested, and my days of using 'sex' as a weapon are over. Unless it's to benefit the greater good, of course." One could only hope future attempts were more successful than the one with the Ba'al clone had been. And if she really had lost her touch, she need look no further than across the room for the one to blame.
Daniel blinked, trying to figure out if he'd heard what he thought he'd just heard. Deciding it was Vala so probably, he put up a warding hand. "Okay, uh… there will be no sex, not even for the greater good."
She kicked the table for a boost; forewent pointing out he'd misunderstood to do a little 'misunderstanding' of her own: "How very primitive of you, darling. Will you fend off potential suitors with a stick and some manly chest-pounding?" Not that she'd be opposed to that…
"What? No. I wasn't…" The smirk she wore on her way by broke him out of his stammering. "You know what I mean. We're not pimping you out."
Assuming that meant what she thought it did… "It can hardly be considered 'pimping' if it's my initiative, Daniel." Kick! "Or do you have issues with a woman exercising her bodily autonomy?" As much as she was just messing with him, it would explain why he was so fond of ancient civilizations. And why she seemed to horrify him at her most flirtatious…
Removing his glasses, he scrubbed a hand over his face and blew out an exasperated, "Aston didn't report you!"
He was nearing peak 'adorably flustered' so she would consider it a win regardless his failure to take the bait. "Is he avoiding me, too, then?" Kick! "Honestly, Daniel, I'm beginning to feel a little like one of those leperds. If this is what being an official member of SG-1 gets me, I think I'd have preferred to keep my 'don't screw up' status." Especially since they came with exactly the same share of loot: depressingly none.
"You mean leper," he automatically (yet wearily) corrected as he replaced his glasses. "Leopard is a big cat."
Kick! "The ones that seduce much younger men?" As if getting horny boys into bed was any sort of accomplishment; when they managed to entice a single-minded archaeologist away from his dusty old books and artifacts then they'd have earned her respect.
"No, that's…" Realizing he was about to follow her down yet another rabbit hole, he left the thought unfinished. "They're not avoiding you because you're SG-1." They were doing it because they were afraid to let something slip or, more likely, get stuck in an awkward conversation like this one. Daniel, of course, lacked that option…
On the one hand Vala was relieved but on the other she knew something was going on… "Are they worried I've been compromised like Agent Barrett was?" Kick! "Because I can assure you Athena was much more interested in finding the treasure than she was my connection to the SGC. And who can argue with those priorities, really?" Kick! "Although I suppose they could have just made me believe that's what…" She let out an undignified 'Eep!' when she was suddenly jerked in the opposite direction.
As soon as she was facing him Daniel clamped down on either side of the seat, his nose just inches from hers. "Can you stop for Just. One. Minute?" Between the spinning and the babbling he was about ready to tear his hair out and they hadn't even started yet.
Eyes wide – part surprise, part indignation – she gave a tight nod.
"Thank you." Going to get his chair, he rolled it around the table to her. "What do you remember about the kidnapping?"
She watched him blankly, lips pressed together.
"Vala?" He purposely bumped her knee with his as he sat.
"Oh, has it been a minute?" she asked facetiously, gesturing to his watch even though she was wearing her own. "I can stop stopping now?"
She possessed the uncanny ability to make him feel bad and want to throttle her all at the same time… "I'm sorry, okay? But this is important and you're not listening." It occurred to him that it might be deliberate; that maybe she was thwarting his efforts with the subconscious version of putting her fingers in her ears and going 'lalala.'
Vala failed to see how it was important: "We've been over all this in debriefing, Daniel." And it wasn't something she particularly cared to go over again… "Whatever their concerns, Carolyn has declared me fit for duty."
Physically, yes, but SG-1 wouldn't be going on any missions while there was a chance her memories would be triggered in the middle of a firefight, incapacitating her and putting them all at risk. Another reason he needed to just get this done… Sitting forward, elbows on his knees, he cocked an eyebrow at her. "Humor me? Please?"
Even asking nicely he couldn't resist turning it into a challenge. Probably because he knew it worked… "Fine," she gave in, fully intending to make him pay for her weakness. "What do I remember? Ooh! I remember your speech at the restaurant. It was lovely, by the way. A tad underwhelming by way of content but I can appreciate that for you it was downright profound. Did you practice it beforehand?"
"Vala…" He couldn't deny he'd expected a bit more of a reaction than the one he'd gotten, but now was hardly the time to get into it. "What happened after that?"
Grinning internally, she refrained from pointing out the tinge of pink coloring his cheeks. "I left to the bathroom, got stuck with a needle, and next thing I knew I was waking up in a laboratory, drugged and aching."
"At the safe house," he prompted, covering her newly-implanted transmitter to stop her absentminded picking at it.
So he'd told her… "Then Athena and her minions – underlings, not those disturbing little yellow monstrosities your people inexplicably find charming – started in with that bloody machine." Her eyes glazed over and her teeth clenched audibly. "They had better hope we never meet again."
It was the closest he'd ever seen to pure hatred written on her features (hadn't even known her capable), and he was glad the surviving 'minion' had been transferred out because he would've been tempted to let her have a go at him, deal or not… "Hey…" Reaching out to recapture her attention, he gave a faint smile when he felt her jaw relax beneath his fingers. "How did you escape?"
Vala repositioned to sit cross-legged and lifted her shoulders in a lazy shrug. "I've told you: it's all a blur. There was unbelievable pain – like my brain had been set on fire – and a lot of noise. Then suddenly I was free of the bonds and I ran. Wandered until I came upon Sol's."
The words were at once rushed and detached, and Daniel took hold of her chin so she couldn't shy away. "I know you don't want to but I need you to think… How did you get free?"
His persistence made her brow furrow. "Daniel, you're frightening me." Making her think he wasn't her Daniel at all; that he was merely a product of her imagination, trying to make her realize that the escape and everything after it wasn't real. That she had retreated into her mind and conjured up an entire fantasy world the way she'd done with Qetesh when reality had become too much for her to bear.
Her expression was fraught, her nails digging into the skin of his hand, and he had to force himself to keep going. "You have to remember," he directed, softly yet firmly. "What was the noise? Who set you free?"
The emphasis on 'who' brought her back to how this conversation had begun, and she was shaking her head in denial even before all the pieces could fully shift into place. "Daniel, no."
He'd seen the exact moment of pained realization and for a split second wished he could take it back.
Vala struggled to keep her eyes from slamming shut but was powerless against the vision that hit her with the force of a staff blast: The shootout. Zat guns and Tau'ri weapons intermingled and much yelling over the sounds of someone – Airman Travis, she thought – telling her they were there to help as he undid the restraints. Seeing him unceremoniously shot down in front of her. Bodies littering the ground as she fled and the deafening 'boom' she'd just managed to avoid.
"Hey…" Daniel tried to bring her towards him but she shirked him and within moments had pushed away, untangled her limbs, and jumped to her feet. Sprinted around the other side of the table so fast he was certain she would continue right out of the office. "Vala, stop. Please."
She stopped but didn't turn, staring unseeing at the phone by the door. "Does that count as irony? A device designed to recover repressed memories causing new ones?"
He stayed seated, afraid any movement would send her running. "Come talk to me."
"How many?" Aston. Travis. So many bodies.
Daniel flinched. "Vala, it won't…"
"How many, Daniel?" How many had died because she'd grown complacent and careless? Never before joining the Tau'ri military would she have let down her guard enough to fall into such a trap. Another irony, perhaps…
"Seven on our side," he admitted quietly, knowing if she didn't get it from him she'd just go find out from someone else. "All of SG-15."
Seven. She closed her eyes against hot tears, it being a fantasy world suddenly the preferable alternative. "Do they have families?"
She said 'families' but he suspected she meant 'children;' had more than once caught her thumbing wistfully through the baby section of the catalogs someone kept bringing her and he kept tossing every time he found one laying around unattended. "Vala, it's not your fault."
"Oh, I don't blame myself, Daniel," she spat, rounding on him. "I blame you and this ridiculous Tau'ri savior complex that impairs your peoples' ability to make rational choices." First aboard the Ori ship and now this. Endeavoring to rescue her was so foolish that the possibility they would had never even occurred to her. "You should have just left me."
Daniel rejected that outright with a shake of his head. "You know we couldn't do that."
He made to stand and she quickly warned him back down with a slash of the hand, not willing to be 'managed' into submission. "Yes, you could have. Quite easily, actually. How do you decide that my life is worth more than seven?" The 'Self-Rescuing Princess' t-shirt Cameron had gifted her following his gallant yet ultimately embarrassing attempt to be the hero now seemed cruelly mocking.
Dropping back into his seat, Daniel swiped his palms over his thighs in frustration. "It wasn't like that. Obviously we didn't expect the safe house would be rigged with explosives."
Vala shot him a look of utter disbelief. "Oh? You thought the Trust would just hand me over, then? With a wink and a nod and a 'fair win, fellas?'"
The indictment was made no less scathing by her colorful delivery. "We all knew the risks going in. And General Landry made it clear no one was being forced to take the mission." She didn't need to know that it was a concession made in response to push back from the IOA; Woolsey wasn't exactly her biggest fan after she'd repaid his loyalty test with a (transparently false) claim of impropriety.
"Well now I feel much better," she muttered sarcastically, fists on her hips. "It isn't as though your people have an unhealthy obsession with obeying authority, now is it?"
While not everyone was charmed and/or amused by her decidedly unmilitary-like antics, she seemed to be underestimating the effect she had on those around her. He knew her well enough, though, to predict that pointing it out – especially right now – would backfire spectacularly. He also knew better than to mention he'd been prepared to go to Jack if Landry hadn't managed to overcome Woolsey's objections.
His lack of argument didn't surprise her. Nor did everyone's strange treatment of her, now that she knew seven of their people had in essence been ordered to give their lives for an alien who wasn't even…
Daniel didn't know what was going through her mind but could guess by her appalled expression that it was nothing good.
She withdrew from her thoughts to reproachfully meet his gaze. "We were celebrating, Daniel. Laughing and drinking and eating ourselves sick while their loved ones were grieving their loss." And people thought she was inappropriate.
"Vala…" He tried to stand again but stopped when he received the same tacit warning. Used to her being aloof and shrugging everything off, not pissed off and ruthlessly shutting him down, he was at a loss as to how to fix it. "We weren't thinking about it like that. It had been over two weeks."
"Two weeks?" she repeated incredulously. "That's a remarkably short recovery period for people who tout 'No man left behind.'" Who had just risked the lives of she didn't even want to know how many to recover one.
Daniel sighed. "And it's true. But once there's nothing more we can do…" He trailed off before he could say something completely callous. "It's the job, Vala. There's always some mission or war and it seems there's always someone who doesn't make it back." They'd lost three of their party on Vagonbrei and over a dozen from other teams since… "I guess we've just become numb to it out of necessity."
In Vala's experience you couldn't become numb to death without also becoming numb to life; without closing yourself off to those emotions that led to mourning, until you were desensitized to all but the strongest of sentiments, bad or good. Maybe he was content living that way (sometimes it certainly seemed he was), but she never would be. Though by that time she'd already learned to hide it, feeling (and feeling deeply) was often the only thing she'd had to remind her she was still alive under Qetesh. "Is that what the badges are? A reward for 'making it back?'"
She sounded so disgusted that were things not so tense he would tease her about having found a reward she wasn't interested in… "General Landry had already decided to make your position with SG-1 official – it's why I was taking you out to dinner to begin with. I guess he gave them to you right away anyway because he wanted something good after all the bad."
Vala quashed a rush of sympathy; as fond as she was of the general, he had brought it upon himself. "And me? Did anyone consider whether I would have wanted it, had I known seven men died to make it possible? If I would have chosen to partake in festivities, given the circumstances?" How was she supposed to separate the two now? One of the best days of her life, forever tainted.
"I'm sorry," Daniel offered instinctively, then immediately shook his head to retract it. "Actually, no, I'm not." He hadn't considered it but it wouldn't have changed anything if he had, and he wasn't going to lie just to placate her.
Confused – and more than a little offended – she waited for an explanation.
He stared at her defiantly across the room. "You didn't know. And I'm glad you didn't know because you were happy and proud of yourself and we had fun. It was a good night."
Vala felt herself waver despite her best efforts. "It could have waited until all this had passed, Daniel."
"No, it couldn't, because it wasn't only about you." Shocking as that may be for her to hear… "We thought you may not have survived the explosion. Two weeks before we found out you were alive only to almost lose you to the Trust again. And if we hadn't gotten to that warehouse when we did you would have made yourself disappear for good." Or been killed, because he doubted she would have allowed herself to be recaptured without putting up one hell of a fight… "You were already one of us… We were celebrating having you home."
The last of Vala's anger fled and she went to kneel in front of him, gently cupping his face. "And I am extremely grateful to be… home," she swore hoarsely, desperate to make him understand. "I am. But I never would have wanted it at the expense of others not being able to do the same."
Wrapping his fingers around hers, he adopted a somber whisper to admit, "I know." He'd known going in, too, but at that point – with her life hanging in the balance – he hadn't cared. It was a lot harder not to care now, looking into her eyes shiny and wide with guilt. "But it's not just about what you want anymore. We're a team; it affects all of us."
Vala swallowed a bitter scoff; slid free to hold her arms out between them. "Do you see these hands, Daniel? They are bathed in the blood of innocents. And since Qetesh was removed I have done everything in my power not to add to it. But with Adria leading the Ori armies…"
"Adria is not your fault," he told her, not for the first time, reclaiming her hands to still their trembling. "Neither is what Qetesh did." He wished there was some way he could make her believe that.
"…And now this." Except 'this' wasn't random people from far-off planets who dared renounce Origin. 'This' had names and faces and shared meals and stories and literally hit home; was like killing the people of her village all over again, only these memories were horrifically fresh and clear and not just vague flashes of what might have been another lifetime… With a feeble shake of her head she choked out a pleading, "I can't be responsible for any more death, Daniel."
The 'Please don't make me' was unspoken yet unmistakable, and he drew her into him because – selfish as it probably was – he couldn't guarantee he wouldn't do it again if her death was the alternative. But instead of stopping she used the arms around his neck to pull herself into his lap, leaving her legs to dangle off the side after an unsuccessful attempt to bring them to her chest. He hesitated for just a second before draping an arm over them and the other around her waist to keep her in place while she found her position, and stifled a curse when her tailbone dug painfully into his thigh in the process. Brought her closer when almost immediately after she'd settled his shirt became damp, the only sign she was crying.
"What if it had been you?" she mumbled, finally giving voice to the thought that had been tormenting her. "Or one of the others? I don't think I could live with that." Even if she weren't to blame.
Daniel rested his head against hers. "Yes, you could – you're one of the most resilient people I've ever met." So cheerful despite everything she'd been through that it was easy for even him to sometimes forget. "And you would keep fighting, like they did after I died and we would've if you had." Like they'd been forced to do too many times before. "Because there'd still be a galaxy out there needing saving."
Vala let out a shaky, humorless laugh. "I think you had better leave the motivational speeches to Cameron, darling." Had he always been this cold or was it part of the SGC's (loot-less) remuneration package?
He acknowledged the critique with the barest of shrugs. "It isn't pretty but it's the truth – what we do is a lot bigger than any one of us." For the longest time she said nothing, and he could practically hear the wheels turning… "Do I need to have General Landry post more guards in the gate room tonight?"
His grip had tightened almost imperceptibly, like it was less teasing than a prediction, and she'd be lying through her teeth if she said absconding hadn't crossed her mind; that this wasn't a prime example of why she'd avoided emotional connections like a plague. But that ship had already left orbit, that rule long ago broken (and in the worst possible way), and she could never bring herself to leave him willingly. Not even now, knowing she was in competition with a ghost and would forever be found lacking… "Hmm. Who would harass you to eat properly or go to bed at a reasonable hour or not be boring all the time?"
The shift in mood was palpable (and welcome). "True," he agreed, like it was the most reasonable of all reasons. Like he hadn't somehow managed to survive all those years without her.
Leaning back – temple against his shoulder – she studied his profile pensively. "I will have you all sign DNRs, though, I think."
"Do Not Resuscitate?" It was a good thing he never paid attention to the rumor mill because judging by the curious glances they were getting from passersby, it was going to be busy for a while.
Right – that's what the 'R' stood for. In Vala's defense, all those medical forms Carolyn had forced her through had been mind-numbingly tedious… "Actually, it would be a 'Do Not Rescue.' A Mal Doran innovation."
Daniel had to chuckle. "You know you're supposed to sign your own DNR, right?"
Surely he knew her better than to think she'd be confined by what was supposed to be done… "Like I'm foolish enough to think you'd abide by it if I did."
Yet she was foolish enough to assume they'd abide by it if they did… But if it made her feel better: "Fine. I'll sign your 'DNR' if you sign one promising not to go MIA again."
Vala lifted a quizzical eyebrow.
"Missing In Action," he explained, then tacked on a superficially light, "It's becoming a habit and we don't like it."
Her lips fell into a pronounced pout. "It isn't as though I do it on purpose, Daniel. Maybe if you'd done a better job of keeping watch over me…" She poked the nose that – twice now – she'd disappeared right out from under.
Ignoring the pang of guilt he rolled his eyes. "Right… Silly me for thinking this was the one planet in the galaxy where I didn't have to worry about running into any of your enemies."
She moved her hand to his cheek and issued a rebuking cluck of her tongue. "Darling, I've been saved from slaughter only to be enslaved as a host, resurrected by the very beings that dictated my death, and forcibly impregnated by false gods that occupy another plane of existence…" And those were just the things he knew about… "If you haven't learned by now that my life is a series of wholly fantastic events and nothing can be taken for granted, perhaps you're not as bright as those bits of paper on your wall proclaim you to be."
The joke fell flat, not because it questioned his intelligence but because highlighting her tendency to run into trouble made him seriously question his ability to keep her safe. Especially now that she was off probation and would be loaned out to other teams on her own, because if Landry felt the need to send the healing device along on a mission it definitely wouldn't be the casual meet and greet kind… Before the mood could sour again he gave her leg a small squeeze. "Are you hungry?"
Vala wasn't surprised he was looking for a way out – the last fifteen minutes had probably filled his 'human contact' quota for the year… With a last pet to his stubbly jaw she stood and smoothed out her pants. "Mmm. Maybe the commissary has some sugar pie left." And that iced cream. Comfort food was absolutely in order.
He rolled his chair back to its spot. "Uh… I was thinking we could go topside." It was the one thing certain to cheer her up. "I'll get a couple of guards to come along just in case Athena still has any ideas."
"Ooh – like a double date!" she declared, clapping her hands together. "Will you be able to get an appointment this late?"
Choosing to let the 'misinterpretation' go, he stood casually in front of her, hands in his pockets and head tilted. "Actually, there's this little diner I want to try. Not the fanciest, but I hear the food is great and I've been wanting to meet the owner."
Understanding dawned and Vala felt her eyes begin to burn; managed to squeak out an, "Oh?"
Daniel had to admit he thoroughly enjoyed the moments she was struck speechless, they happened so rarely. "Unless you want to wait until I can get another 'appointment' at il fiore bianco…"
"No!" Her head shook so violently she whipped herself with her pigtails. "It's perfect, Daniel. I'd like to see Sal and explain. Well, as much as I'm able." It must have been a shock to have soldiers arrive and claim her belongings – especially after what he would have heard from Detective Ryan – and she wasn't sure her cryptic phone call hadn't done more harm than good. "But aren't you worried I'll become nostalgic for my simple life of flinging mash?"
"Slinging hash," he corrected, amused by the visual.
"That's what I said." Though she still couldn't figure out why it was a thing to say – her job had never involved throwing food much less hash (which, from what she understood from television, was a drug meant for recreation).
Normally Daniel wouldn't even entertain the idea she'd want the 'simple life,' given her absolute hatred of being bored, but after today she may just decide she hated being on the front lines even more… "Well, if that's what you really want then we'll support you." And though he meant it, he wasn't above posing, "But then who would harass me to eat, or sleep, or…"
"Alright, alright," she cut him off, a grin tugging at the corners of her mouth. "No need to beg, darling – I know you'd be lost without me."
Not lost, no, but if the last month was any indication of life without her it certainly wouldn't be his first choice. He wondered when her constant presence had become more comforting than annoying, her things strewn about his office familiar and her persistent (and often intentional) butchering of 'Earthisms' endearing; when his not going home like the others had become less about there being a backlog of work to be done… "Yeah, yeah. Do you want to go or not?"
His chagrin was so cute she couldn't help but try to deepen it. "We'll have to get changed into something appropriately civilian…" Her grin grew suggestive. "Whose room shall we visit first?"
Chin dropping to his chest, he took her by the arms and directed her towards the door. "Both. Separately. I'm not so lost without you that I can't get dressed on my own, you know."
"Oh, I know," she purred, allowing herself to be pushed into the hall. "I just thought we could make up for all the fun you missed while I was MIA…" Stage whispered over her shoulder, "I acquired a few interesting new undergarment ensembles on the outside."
Of course she'd gravitated towards lingerie, even with total amnesia. And had no trouble with the word 'ensemble.' "Tempting as that is, the diner won't be open all night."
"Hmm…" Turning to walk backwards, she shot him a sly wink. "You don't want to have to rush – I can appreciate that. Dinner then a show sounds more a proper date, anyway."
No one within earshot could have any doubt what kind of show she meant, though Daniel doubted they noticed that her eyes lacked their mischievous glint and her strides their usual bounce; that she was just going through the motions… Wordlessly pulling her into step next to him, he briefly hugged her to his side before letting go.
Vala blinked her vision clear and smiled weakly up at him. She would do her best to enjoy herself tonight; to forget that seven men had given their lives so that she could. And tomorrow? Tomorrow she would find out about those men and she would… Well, she didn't know yet what she would do, but she would find some way to honor those that had helped her return to the home she'd never dreamed of finding.
I still have the Dominion story kicking around but I may need to get back to my other fandoms first for a bit lol