"Just as there was a first instant when someone rubbed two sticks together to make a spark, there was a first time joy was felt, and a first time for sadness. For a while, new feelings were being invented all the time. Desire was born early, as was regret. When stubbornness was felt for the first time, it started a chain reaction, creating the feeling of resentment on the one hand, and alienation and loneliness on the other. It might have been a certain counterclockwise movement of the hips that marked the birth of ecstasy; a bolt of lightening that caused the feeling of awe. Contrary to logic, the feeling of surprise wasn't born immediately. It only came after people had enough time to get used to things as they were. And when enough time had passed, and someone felt the first feeling of surprise, someone, somewhere else, felt the first pang of nostalgia."

- Nicole Krauss, The History of Love

All beginnings have an ending. The first page always has to have a last. The first kiss would be followed by another, then another; to the point where you finally have your last. Beginnings come with endings. It just happens. Even when you try to prevent it, things will come to an end because all beginnings come with endings.

and that's what scared Derek the most. Addison loves to read the last chapter first. She always wanted to know what was coming. She never liked surprises. He, on the other hand, was a go with the flow type of guy. He was always ready for any type of outcome, good or bad. While this maybe true, now he wished that he was more like Addison. Maybe surprises are a bad idea. The anxiety that comes from not knowing what happens next is suffocating. Maybe he should've listened to Addison's plans back in the day rather than countered hers. Maybe he should've listened to his mother when she told him that Addie wasn't the one. Maybe he should have had kids when Addie suggested they start trying a few years prior. Maybe he should've gone home when she needed to him. Maybe she wouldn't have cheated on him.

"Dr. Derek Christopher Shepherd, M.D." He read over and over. The ink on the paper was haunting him. The name he once loved, the name he had worked hard to get, the name he shared with his father was now the cause of his confusion. He wasn't that person anymore. He still had the same name, but somehow felt different. Dr. Derek Christopher Shepherd was the hotshot New York surgeon with a house in the Hamptons, a practice in New York's finest hospital, and a wife that every man in Manhattan constantly drooled over. That guy had everything. That guy was loved. That guy was envied, but he wasn't that guy anymore. He didn't even know how to be that guy again. He lived in a trailer in the woods. He's still a hotshot surgeon, but in a different hospital. Then, there was his wife. Earlier today, all he wanted was to get rid of his wife. Being with Meredith felt good. She was the change he needed, but what if he didn't need change? What if all he needed was to go back home with Addison? What if?

He skimmed through the paper for what felt like the thousandth time. Everything seemed right. They would both get half of the brownstone, half of the house in the Hamptons and half of everything in them. It will be split right down the middle. No more. No less. Everything looked right. She made everything right. However, it didn't feel right. At least not to Derek. 11 years of marriage, 15 years of knowing Addison, a lifetime worth of plans, and countless memories. All of that relied on a piece of document - divorce papers.

He sighed. He was at a standstill. The busyness of the hospital was somehow forgotten. All that mattered was the pieces of paper laid out in front of him. As he looked over to the lower right corner of the paper, he read her name. It was undeniably long and pretentious. It was a name no one would want for themselves. She had always hated her name, but carried it with such elegance. He, however, didn't hate her name at all. He loved it. Not that he would ever name their children with those pretentious names. Nevertheless, he still loved it. It was her name. The name that had caused such an uproar between their families. Both her family and my mother wanted her to keep her name. They had insisted that she wasn't a Shepherd, but she went and changed it anyway. A story we still haven't shared with anyone till this day. "Dr. Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd, M.D." She still kept Forbes Montgomery of course. Her family would've disowned her if she dropped those. Instead, she hyphenated her name. They were all wrong. She's a Shepherd. She fits in with my sisters better than I do. My nieces and nephews all prefer their Aunt Addie. Even if my mom didn't like Addie, I knew that my dad would have loved her. That's why she had always been Addison Shepherd his eyes.

He was 24 when he had met her. Back then, she was the Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery; smart, confident, kind, funny, talented, poised, badass, breathtaking, and insanely hot. Every man, and a few women, in Columbia University wanted her. Teachers just loved her. Girls all wanted to be her. She was that girl. He remembered the day he met her. The way she looked at him that day would forever be burned into his memories. It was in Gross Anatomy class. They had that weird looking cadaver that looked a lot like Derek's favorite teacher. He remembers accidentally oversleeping that morning. Mark had convinced him to attend a frat party the previous night causing him to stay in bed a little longer than he should've been. That was also the first time he had been late to a class. Well he was still a freshman at that time, so skipping class hadn't really been priority back then. It wasn't even an option yet. Anyway, he was almost an hour late, so all the students were already assigned into groups. He had slipped into the class hoping to go unnoticed, but he wasn't as lucky. The professor didn't notice him however, but Addison did. So maybe he was lucky. Her enchanting green eyes stared at him with confusion. She had a mask that covered her lips, but he knew she had been pursing her lips. She did that when she was thinking. When their eyes first met, he knew that she was the love of his life. The professor soon realized Derek standing there, and asked if he had already been assigned a group. He hadn't been, but he knew that he couldn't tell his professor that. Derek would be kicked out of the class if he had told the truth. He looked over the cadaver to desperately ask Addison for help.

"He's with us." Addison told their professor. "You assigned him to our group. Don't you remember?" She was both sarcastic and gentle. Normally, a statement like that would sound rude, but she said it with such grace and respect that it just seemed like an everyday question.

"Oh yes" Their professor cleared his throat then walked onto the next group. You could tell that he knew something was up, but kept it to himself.

"Thanks! I owe you. He would've kicked me out without your help." Derek smiled. "Derek Shepherd." He announced. "I guess I'm the fourth member of your group." He extended his hand to the nearest person. The short girl with blonde hair rolled her eyes. Then, quickly went back to what she was doing.

"Sam Bennett." The dark skinned man extended his hand. "As long as you know your stuff, then we'll have no problems at all." He joked.

"I assure you I won't ever be late again." Derek replied. Addison cleared her throat to catch Derek and Sam's attention. The professor had started explaining the next part of the experiment. All eyes were glued to the front of the classroom. All except Derek's. He finally looked at the beautiful red head. He extended his hand and flashed his dreamiest smile. "I don't think I caught your name." He whispered.

"Addison" she shook his hand. "Addison Montgomery." She said with a smile that matched the sun.

And that was all 24 year old Derek Christopher Shepherd needed to know. Just with the thought of her name, he knew that he would marry her someday. He knew that he wanted to have kids with her and to someday grow old together. It only took a second for him to realize that she is the love of his life.

"She gave me divorce papers." Derek whispered. He was probably on his 3rd full trip on the elevator. He had never gotten off at his floor. He has just simply been going up and down for the past 30 minutes. Everyone that saw him must think he's crazy, but he didn't care. Maybe he has.

Dr. Miranda Bailey looked at him in confusion. Dr. Shepherd had his eyes glued to the ground, so it was hard to tell if he was talking to her. However, it was only the two of them, so no doubt he was talking to the resident.

"Ones that she filed." Derek added. "She should be on her way home." He finally looked at Dr. Bailey. "She should be in New York right now; not Los Angeles. She should've gone home days ago." He sighed. "If only I didn't ask her to stay."

Miranda rolled her eyes. She didn't have time for his drama, but something in the way he acted was pitiful. A part of her knew that she had to say something. McDreamy was playing with both women, and he can't just string them along. She did what she had to do. She pulled the emergency stop button in the notorious elevator. The alarms suddenly blasted loudly and soon all they can hear was the alarms.

"Look, you have put yourself between two very fine women, and you're looking for an easy way out. You want an excuse. You want to use the hospital, or at least somebody to make the decision for you." She yelled. "And it's not gonna happen." The resident pushed the emergency button. The elevator started to move again, and they stood in silence for awhile.

"I can't lose her again." Derek said softly. Miranda glared at him. "My wife." He cleared up. "I can't lose my wife." He stuttered.

"Then it seems like you've already made your choice." Dr. Bailey replied as the elevator doors opened. However, she stopped midway. "Shepherd?" She turned around. "She deserves so much more. They both do, so whom ever you pick. You need to be all in. You can't be half-in, like you are now. You need to be there. You need to come home when you're not needed here. You need to listen to whom ever you pick. When you do choose her, you need to show her. Don't choose her because you want to be the good guy. Choose her because you want her. Choose her and be all in. I've heard about what she did to you, but I also know what you did to her. Half-assing it won't do anyone any good. Pining over the one didn't choose won't do anyone any good. Choose her, all of her, or don't choose her at all."

Derek nodded. He was all in this time. That's what got him here in the first place. He can't do that to her again. "Thank you Miranda." Derek smiled. The resident nodded and stepped out of the elevator. The doors closed again, and he took his 4 trip in the infamous elevator.

The elevator doors opened and it was almost like she had been transported to another dimension. This wasn't a sight that she was used to. The pale white walls of a hospital were absent; instead they were warm toned wood. The stiff metal chairs were nowhere in site. There are cozy and stylish white chairs with wooden accents though. The usual distressed patients too were absent. The patients that came here were the rich and stylish locals of Santa Monica. It was clear that Addison didn't belong here. She stuck out like a sore thumb with her pale skin and bright red hair. Not that she wasn't used to it. She is. It has happened a lot over the past few months. She was the bitch that cheated on Derek Shepherd. Everyone, in both New York and Seattle, talked about her. Sticking out was basically her middle name. She was a walking target of stares and gossip, but that never stopped her. She took a deep breath and continued on.

"Hi I'm looking for-" Addison asked the young, blonde, surfer looking man behind the desk.

"Is that Addison Shepherd?" A familiar voiced interrupted. Addison looked to the far end of the table to find Sam Bennett. He was hunched over the reception desk looking over some files.

"Sam?" Addison pulled him into a quick hug.

"It's been awhile Addie." He smiled.

"Yeah it's been too long." She nodded. "A lot has clearly changed." She added with a sad tone. The last time they had been together was years ago. Sam and Naomi were have their last dinner party at their former Brooklyn home. That must've been a week before they moved to California. Their old med school group was complete that night, a very rare occurrence. That must've also been the last time they were ever together, and ever will be together. Addison sighed.

"Please don't tell me you're picking his side." A more familiar voice teased. Addison turned around to find her best friend standing right behind her.

"Well you've known Naomi longer, so I guess it's a no brainer that she gets custody of you in the divorce." Sam joked. Naomi raised her eyebrow. Sam clearly realized how awkward the situation was, so he cleared his throat. "Anyway, I have a patient to see. I'll see you later Addison." Sam smiled then practically ran towards his office.

Addison laughed. "Nice to see that you still haven't lost your charm."

"Well I am raising a teenager, so I need all the practice I can get." Naomi replied. "It's good to see you Addison." She wrapped her arms around her best friend. "You have no idea how much I've missed you."

"I feel the same way Nae." Addison smiled.

"Now, let's get you to my office." Naomi linked her arm around the redhead and led the way. Once they were confined into Dr. Naomi Bennett, MD's office, she finally got to ask what she has been dying to ask her best friend. "Not that I am ungrateful that you're here, but why are you here? What brings you to LA?" She motioned for them to sit down.

"I missed you." Addison replied. It wasn't a lie. Addison did miss her best friend, but that's not really why she's in California.

"I find that hard to believe. I haven't heard much from you except for a Christmas card and that one phone call." Naomi rolled her eyes. "I tried to call you Addie. Multiple times"

"Let it go. I was going through a rough time. You know you don't get a lot of free time between patients and cheating on your husband." Addison replied sarcastically.

"Well I got divorced Addison." The other woman replied.

"How are you and Sam? Isn't weird seeing him everyday?" The red head deflected.

Typical tactic of Addison Shepherd. She changes the topic whenever it gets too close for comfort. "We're friends. We have a daughter Addison. I can't just get rid of him."

"Well that's healthy." Addison smirked. "What even happened to you guys? We thought you'd last forever." She asked.

"Well a lot has changed. We aren't the same people you met in med school." Naomi confessed. Addison nodded. Neither of them expected to be in this situation. When they got married years ago, they both had thought that their marriages could last a lifetime, that it could withstand any challenge. Apparently, they were both wrong.

"Come on Nae! You can't stay mad at me forever. I am still your favorite brunch date." Addison joked.

"Well you got fat." The sarcasm was evident in Naomi's voice.

"I did not."

"You aged about 10 years."

"I did not." Addison smiled. "Aww I missed you too Nae."

"Now that thats out of the way. Why are you really here Addison?"

"You're a fertility specialist." Addison raised her eyebrow. "One of the best."

"You want a baby?" Naomi was surprised. Addison nodded. "But I thought you were filing for divorce?"

"I am."

"Then why would you want to have a baby with"

"It won't be Derek's" Addison explained. Saying it before Naomi could finish her sentence. "I want you to get my blood work and to do all of the necessary tests while I'm here. Then, I'm flying back to Seattle for the divorce papers; that I am sure my ex-husband has neatly signed and gift wrapped." The tone in the surgeon's voice had suddenly shifted at the mention of her ex-husband. "I can do this without him. I can right?" She looked at her best friend for assurance.

Naomi nodded. "You can do anything Addison."

Addie smiled at her best friend. The smile was her way of saying thank you. "Who would have known that this is how things would end?" She shrugged.