"If you're so unhappy, then why don't you just walk away?" Addison was red. Mark's playful pet name for her suddenly seemed to be much more accurate now. Maybe it's because of her hair or the built up anger inside her. Maybe it's because she had been sobbing for hours now. It could easily be either of those reasons or both of them. The fiery redhead was screaming and lashing out every chance she got. He swore that he could see smoke coming out of her ears.
"I'm not leaving Addison." Derek insisted. She threw a book at him. Gray's Anatomy to be exact. Hardbound and way too many pages. "I'm holding my ground. We don't quit." Derek took a step closer to her. Slowly and gently. Almost as if he were to face a dragon. She might throw something again. Derek paused to see if she would. She didn't, so he proceeded to walk closer to her. Addison was hard to read when she was angry or upset. She didn't move nor yell. However, she continued to glare at him, but she let him walk towards her. That was a good thing. He placed his hands on her shoulders. He was playing with fire. They both knew it. She stiffened as soon as their skin made contact, but she didn't protest. So Derek decided that maybe he could push it a little further. He slowly followed the outline of her silhouette. He started from her shoulders, down her arms, kissed each of her delicate fingers then settled his hands on the curve of her hips. "I'm really sorry Addie." Derek whispered. Addison remained silent. However, she was a lot closer to him now. Her initiative. Not his. She was slowly swaying her hips. As if she was trying to get his attention. She was only millimeters away from his crotch. He wanted more. She wanted him to want more. She was teasing him after all. Despite being in a freezing cold room, you can clearly see the usually cool and collected Derek Shepherd starting to radiate heat. His right hand swiftly made its way from her hips to the curve of her back. It all happened too fast. She was now pressed against the wall. Their lips locked and hungry. Their tongues were speaking a language on its own. Her hands were playing with his hair. His hands were hiking her skirt up.
"Was this the type of fun you were looking for?" Addison whispered.
Derek stopped. They were breathing heavily. His blue eyes and her blue green ones once again started to water. He knew wasn't getting lucky tonight. Derek had really hurt her. It would take more than just sex to make up for what he did. Their argument was far from over. The night was young and the tension was just starting to build. It was only getting started. He let her compose herself before he spoke. While he took that time to formulate his next few moves. Addison is a smart girl. If you can compare her to anything, it might as well be brain surgery. You need to be patient and strategic to be able to do what you need to or in this case, to be forgiven. "Honey, I told you that I was sorry and that I didn't mean for it to come out the way that it did. I had a little too much to drink." Addison rolled her eyes. Derek didn't mean to tell Mark and Sam that Addison was 'just fun.' It may have sounded that way, but he didn't intend for it to sound the way that it did. "I was stupid. It was typical beer and baseball talk. I'm really sorry. You know you're more than just fun to me honey." He was genuinely sorry.
"Don't call me honey" Addison countered. "Cause the last I checked we were 'just having fun' or so you say." She was once again raising her voice. Emphasizing the exact worlds Derek had told their friends the night before.
"How many times do I have to apologize Addie?" Derek sighed.
Addison remained silent. Derek twirled her hair. Still nothing. Derek caressed her cheek. Again, nothing. He kissed her cheeks to erase the tears that were making its way down. "Addison, you aren't 'just fun' to me."
"Then why'd you say it?"
"It was a stupid guy thing. I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry."
"If that's how you see this, then I don't know what we're still doing here. We've been dating for months Derek. More than a typical conquest. I don't want it to just be fun. I want more." Addison muttered. Derek stared at her. He knew he screwed up, but hearing her say that almost broke his heart. He couldn't lose her.
"It's not 'just fun' for me Derek. I-" she quickly stopped herself.
I love you.
It was the first time she was going to say it. It wasn't right. It didn't feel right. Maybe it was too soon. Maybe it wasn't as serious as she thought it was. Maybe he didn't love her back. Then, there were other factors. They were fighting. She was really upset with him. This was their first big fight as a couple, and neither knew if they'd make it.
Derek tilted his head side wards, squinted his eyes and started batting his eyelashes. She was about to say the three words that he had been dying to say since he saw her over the cadaver.
I love you too.
Neither of them said it out loud that night. They argued. She threw things. He begged. She rolled her eyes. He walked away. She cried. He cried. They didn't talk for a week. Mark, Sam, and Naomi needed to intervene just to get them into the same room.
Addison missed fighting. She missed the yelling. She missed releasing the anger that seemed to build up inside her. She missed the makeup sex. She missed Derek. Nowadays, she'll be lucky if he said more than three words to her.
Not now, Addison.
I'm busy Addie.
Let's talk tonight.
And her personal favorite, a shrug. No words would come out of his mouth. He would simply shrug or nod. It wasn't much but at least he was acknowledging her. Even if no words would come out of their mouths, the simple gesture spoke volumes, and sometimes, that was enough. Talking was never their strength.
"Derek, what are you doing here?" Addison managed to speak. Derek didn't reply. Instead, he used the hand on her back to led her to the deck. "Derek you need to tell me what's going on here cause you know how much I hate surprises."
Derek flashed his famous McDreamy smile. "Just give me a second then we can talk." The neurosurgeon finally spoke as he ran off to light the candles. "Now where were we?"
Addison just smiled and looked around the deck. She then raised her eyebrow. A mannerism that she did whenever she asks a question. Sometimes even tactic to get her husband to feel pressured into answering. Unconsciously, she hand placed her hands on her hips. "You can start by explaining why you're not in Seattle." Addison filled in the blanks when Derek said nothing.
"That's a great question honey." Derek replied with a smirk on his face and a playful tone.
Honey.
"Don't call me Honey"
"I'd love to answer that, but we really need to get off this deck." Derek looked towards the glass doors. Sam and Naomi were already making their way towards the beach front.
"Der, I don't think I'm-" Derek took her hand and intertwined it with his as he led them towards the empty house next door. It was a white two story beach house with a big wooden deck. It had a balcony that over looked the ocean and the glass doors that Addison loved.
Addison, more confused than ever, just looked straight into her estranged husband's eyes. "Derek…" She took a deep breath. "You need to start somewhere."
"Addie..." Derek slightly raised their hands to place a gentle kiss on her hand. "I actually wrote what I wanted to say on the back of an airplane boarding pass." He admitted. She smiled. "Well it was more an outline if I'm honest. There wasn't enough space for me to write every single thing I wanted to tell you." Using his free hand, he pulled the said ticket from his pocket. She can see his messy doctors handwriting scribbled on every possible surface. It was long. "I want you to listen." He warned. "I want to be able to say everything, and I can't do that if you interrupt me." He let go of her hand and placed it on her hip. He pulled her closer and she complied. They were so close that they can feel each other breathing. Despite how big the deck was, they were pushed together as if they were in a small box. "I need you to promise that you'll let me finish." He whispered. She nodded. "I need a verbal response Addie."
"Will you marry me?" He asked. Tears were streaming down their cheeks. Savvy, Naomi and all of his sisters were screaming in the background. Addison was aimlessly grinning; unable to form any coherent word. "I need a verbal response Addie."
"Yes!" She blubbered as she pulled him up.
"I promise." Addison giggled. He followed the outline of her arms; gently. Upon reaching her hands, he guided them onto his shoulders. Then, resting is hands back on her hips. It looked a lot like dancing. His hips were swaying with the sound of the waves. She was too; following his lead.
"I was indifferent." Derek started. Addison's eyes were now glued to her husband. "I was absent. I stopped seeing you. I didn't mean for it to happen because god knows I love you. I am in love with you. You were -are- the love of my life. I just got distracted. I was too busy fueling my ego that I forgot that I have a life outside the hospital. I know it was stupid to think that you'd just wait." Addison opened her mouth to fight, but didn't speak. They have never been good at communicating, so maybe they're finally learning. "I know that it was stupid. I did push you away. I sent" Derek cleared his throat. "Mark in my place. He took on the responsibilities that I promised to do for you. I stood you up. I was too occupied. I was indifferent. Then I saw you with Mark in the Brownstone. I wasn't indifferent anymore. Instead I was angry. I was angry with you. I hate Mark, but mostly I was furious that I had let it get that far. So I went to Seattle. I wanted a clean break. I wanted to prove to myself that my job was more important than how much I hated you." He was now letting the tears roll down his cheeks. Though, Addison would occasionally wipe them away as he was speaking. "How much I loved you. I wanted to try and prove that my job was what I had wanted."
"But what about Meredith?" Addison interrupted. She had promised not to interrupt but she wasn't sorry. It had been a topic that they had not talked about.
"She was a lapse in judgment." Derek admitted. "I was hurt and angry. I saw an attractive younger woman in a bar, and I went for it. I wasn't thinking at that point. I just wanted to not be Derek for a while. Then one thing led to another. I didn't expect to ever see her again if I was honest. When I saw her at work, I had no intentions of sleeping with her again. But she was the anti-Addison. She was everything you weren't. She needed me. I was her knight-in-shining whatever. I got lost in that 'I'm not Derek' bubble. It was hard to stop. Until, I saw you. I couldn't convince you that New York Derek was gone. How could I when you're Addison." He giggled. She smiled. He caressed her cheek as she rested her head on his palm. A sweet and intimate moment wherein they could forget where they were. "I think that'll explain why I'm here." He whispered.
"Why are you here?" She challenged.
"You're Addison. Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd. We're Addison and Derek. You're why I'm here." He admitted shyly. It was a little too cliché for their taste, but hey maybe New York Derek and Seattle's McDreamy did have some things in common. He then gently let go of her as if she was a glass figurine. He hand untangled himself from her arms as slowly as he can, yet once he was free, he had missed her warmth. "I was originally planning to sweep you off of your feet." He admitted. She laughed.
She hates surprises.
"But I'm not really that guy." The neurosurgeon finally confessed. Honestly, declaring it to himself more than to her. Suddenly the flowers and the candles over at Sam's was starting to make sense. "I helped Sam set that up for Naomi." He cleared it up.
She nodded. "Still doesn't explain what we're doing here."
Oh the House.
"You gave me three options. Option one, you apologize. I forgive you. We move back to Manhattan and move on with our lives like adults." Derek shook his head. "That's definitely not the right solution." Addison laughed. "The brownstone would just remind me of Mark. Manhattan held too much memories for us to start over in the same place." The red head was grinning ear to ear. Her husband thought about this. "Option two, you would apologize. I could forgive you, move back to Manhattan but I could still bring up the affair whenever we argue." Derek cringed and so did Addison. They know from experience that their fights were far from pleasant. "Again not the right course of action. I do not want to move back to Manhattan at all, and I would fight you on that." She wanted to interject, but he wouldn't let her. "Plus, it wouldn't be fair to you if I keep bringing up the affair. I had one too. We need to move past it, not use it as leverage. Marriage is about being equals after all." Derek smiled. Addison did too. For once, they both knew that they'd be okay. "So I guess that leaves us with the third option." He announced.
"And what would that be?" Addison liked challenging Derek.
It was now Derek's turn to smile. "About that…" He was trying to delay the inevitable. All because he know how much Addie hates being in the dark.
"What did you do?" Addison tried her best to sound annoyed but obviously failing to do so.
"I know how much you hate surprises, but I want you to keep an open mind." Derek was starting to back up. "What do you say about moving to California?" The dark haired neurosurgeon opened the door to the fully furbished Addison and Derek liked house. If he was honest, the house had cost him a ton of money, and with all of the furniture, the house was almost twice as much as it was worth.
However, the smile on his wife's face had made it all worth it. She practically launched herself onto her husband.
"I love you."
"I love you too."