a/n: you might consider this the conclusion to the trilogy of sorts that i've put out over the past few days - it's been a real treat to write about the hibigays' university adventures and i hope that you all know that i'm always going to love them

"I don't think I know how to be loved, Kousaka." Yuuko stared up at the ceiling, water from the roof slipping through the cracks, as she held the phone to her ear. It rained outside.

"Hello to you too, Yoshikawa-senpai."

"I wouldn't be calling you if I didn't have something to talk about. We're not friends."

"We're friends on Facebook."

"Not the same thing. I friended everyone after I graduated so I could stay in touch."

"Even Tsukamoto?"

"Everyone except for him. That dude's a creep."

"Why did you make him the vice president, then?" There was something accusatory in Kousaka's tone, but then again she pretty much always sounded accusatory. Yuuko still had no idea how she'd ended up a confidante of hers, considering the animosity that still rustled between them, but here they were.

"It was better for the band. You weren't in much of a state to lead." Yuuko wondered what the weather was like in New York, if it was raining there like it was here. "Can we get back to what I was saying?"

"I imagine Nakagawa-senpai isn't here for this?"

"No. She's meeting your girlfriend. I thought you knew that already." Yuuko noticed the tell-tale hitch in Kousaka's breath on girlfriend. Those two idiots were still dancing around their feelings like middle schoolers, then. Typical.

"We don't tell each other everything."

"Yeah, sure."

"I hope that you understand I'm not a psychologist, and I don't think any of my advice would do you any good."

"I know."

"So why are you calling me?" For once, there was no sharp edge to Kousaka's tone. It made things seem weirder, somehow, harder to say. Yuuko hated to even form the words on her tongue.

"Because I don't have anyone else I can talk to about this."

Kumiko held the black umbrella above her, clutched close to her head, each groove of it making an indent in her hands. She hoped the heater back in her dorm would work, once she was home - back - home? Maybe. It was hard to tell, still, but it was nice.

What was less nice was the fact that this umbrella would probably blow itself inside out any second now, and Kumiko could already feel herself getting soaked to the bone.

"Christ, Kumiko, were ya just waiting out here all this time?" A figure - hard to make out in the rain, as most things were - waved to her, cloaked mostly in a raincoat. Kumiko nearly dropped the umbrella.

"Natsuki!"

"You could've gone inside!"

"I d-didn't want to miss you!"

"Sure, sure. Let's go inside, yeah? Sorry about the weather, if I'd known it'd be this bad I would've invited myself over to Tokyo, but…"

"It's fine." Kumiko shoved her umbrella back into a compact little thing and opened the glass door, noticing the raindrops running into each other. Natsuki pulled down her hood, shook the rain out of her spiky hair like a dog. "You, uh, you look good."

"Thanks. You're not doing too bad yourself. Enjoying life in the big city?"

"Yeah." Kumiko found a seat, slid into it. Natsuki followed suit. Droplets littered the floor, reflecting the lights of the coffeeshop. "I mean, it's hard, and I miss you and Reina and everyone, but it's...it's good."

"Glad to hear it." Natsuki signaled a waiter over.

"B-but what about you? How's the band going?"

"Pretty well, if I do say so myself." Natsuki leaned back in her chair. "We've got a little following, some dedicated fans...Yuuko thinks we can get a record deal if we keep it up."

"Ah, Yuuko." Kumiko didn't quite meet Natsuki's gaze. "How's she?"

"Of course you'd wanna know about that," Natsuki sighed. "Well, we're still together, still ridiculously domestic. Is that what ya wanted to hear?"

"There wasn't really anything I 'wanted' to hear. I j-just wanted to know if you were still…"

"Relax, relax! I get it." Natsuki waved off her worries with a hand. The waiter finally showed up. "One of these, please."

"Oh, uh, one hot chocolate?" The waiter nodded and walked off without another word.

"Yeah, Kumiko, I understand you, believe it or not." Natsuki folded her hands together, fingertips calloused from playing the guitar. Kumiko knew that her own fingers were getting softer, the euphonium less of a priority than it had been in years past. She tried not to think about it. "I understand that ya went through some crazy shit last year, and the year before that, and you've been caught up in everyone's problems for so long that it's hard for you to see where you fit into all of this as your own person."

"Is this an intervention?"

"D'you want it to be?"

Reina did not consider Yuuko to be someone she was particularly close to, but it was one of those rare days where she didn't have any homework or anything at all, and she couldn't very well turn her down, which was how she found herself spending her precious international minutes on someone who'd tried to tear her down, once upon a time.

It was funny how things changed.

"I can't...you knew me in high school."

"I did, yes. I can't imagine we would have met in any other way."

"So you know about Kaori-senpai."

"That you were unhealthily dedicated to her?" Reina might not have been all that in touch with her own feelings, but she had eyes. She'd known what Yuuko felt - everyone did, it was an open secret - and knew that it matched what she felt, sometimes, in her heart of hearts on nights when she let her walls down in the privacy of her own bed and her too-big bedroom.

"Pot, kettle, black, Kousaka. Remember Taki-sensei?"

"Don't remind me." Reina took her trumpet off its shelf and started polishing it. She might as well, she thought, if she was to be here for this long.

"So you get it."

"I don't think I do."

"Mizore."

"Yoroizuka-senpai. What about her?"

"I...it's possible to feel more than one thing at once, you know. I felt the same way for...for her. Mizore."

"What's that got to do with anything?" Reina remembered Yoroizuka-senpai well, had a brief glimpse into Kumiko's bizarre life of intervening during her second year. Liz and the Blue Bird was a sad story, and Yoroizuka and Kasaki had made it their own and made it sadder in the process.

Reina hated that she envied them.

"You really are dense, Kousaka." There was the sound of Yuuko inhaling through the phone, rather unpleasant when it was amplified this much. "Mizore told me flat-out that Nozomi was her only friend. Kaori-senpai followed Asuka-senpai around like a lovesick puppy-"

"Like you did?"

"Shut up. And I just thought that was how I'd always be, right? Everyone's second-choice. Yoshikawa-san, the girl with the stupid ribbon and her dumb unrequited crushes and the bad attitude. I was fine with that. I made peace with it!"

"It doesn't sound like you did." Reina noticed a spot on her trumpet, rubbed it a little more. She could almost see her reflection in it, distorted as it was. A girl trapped in a mirror.

"And then Natsuki, of all people, ends up being the vice president so we end up hanging out a lot, right? And then we - completely by accident! - end up going to the same college. And we start a band. And we start officially dating. And it's…" Yuuko trailed off.

"What, do you want to break up with her?"

"No! Not at all! It's just, I don't know why she's still here. What she sees in me. She looks at me with that stupid grin and I feel the same thing and it's like the entire frickin' solar system is bearing down on me. It's too much. I got so used to being the one pining that I never really learned...how to feel like this."

"Loved?"

"Pretty much." Defeat in her voice, thousands of kilometers away. Reina wondered if Yoshikawa was sitting on her bed, looking out the window, if it was raining or if that pattering sound was just the crappy cell service. "I think I might be permanently messed up, Kousaka."

"She loves you anyway, though. Nakagawa-senpai. I know that."

"How long, though? How long until she sees me and doesn't want to deal with this anymore?"

Natsuki peered at Kumiko, tracing her pointer finger around the grooves in the table.

"You're still dancing around things with Kousaka, aren't you?"

"Why does everyone want to talk about that?" Kumiko winced internally at how whiny her voice sounded.

"'Cause she's your tether. Keeps ya grounded or whatever. And you've been fixing stuff for us all, so who's Kumiko? How's she doing? Because I think she's still got some unfinished business."

"Who put you up to this?"

"Nobody. Just a gal looking out for her pal. What, is that illegal now?"

"Natsuki, I'm…" She was what, exactly? Kumiko wished she knew the answer herself. As things were, she was just- she was fine, she was doing better without Shuichi and Asuka casting a shadow wherever she went, but then why did she feel like this? Why did she feel like she had something to hide? "I'm not like you."

"Well, duh. If we were the same, I probably wouldn't hang out with ya. Then it'd just be like looking into a mirror."

"I mean, I'm not- self-assured. Confident. Y'know? I help people, that's what I do, I walk into situations and get involved even w-when I don't really want to, and sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't."

"Which is all just a convoluted way of saying you're still in love with Kousaka and don't want to tell her." Natsuki clicked her tongue. "And that ya need a hobby. Get some self-care."

Yuuko wished she could rewind time, stop this stupid conversation from ever happening in the first place. It was ridiculous, ridiculous and unbelievably stupid, that she was pouring her heart out to Kousaka of all people, and what did she have to complain about, anyway? A few unrequited crushes?

A fear of never being enough?

"Yoshikawa-san?"

"Huh?"

"You went quiet for a moment there. I thought the line might have cut out."

"I'm still here. The rain's been screwing with the phones, though, I think."

"I don't have much advice for you."

"Gee, thanks."

"You called me. I don't know how to handle these things."

"What, other people's problems? You don't have that in common with your girlfriend, being the helping type?" Yuuko knew that it was mean, that she shouldn't have, but old habits die hard and some of those habits were still alive and kicking. Besides, Kousaka was thousands of kilometers away, in New York. She'd probably forget about it in a few minutes and go to see some musical on Broadway, or whatever people did in New York. "You're still dead-set on being the stone-cold ambitious whatever?"

"I'm pursuing a career in music."

"So am I! I sent you our latest demo last week!"

"And you're afraid of being unlovable."

"I'm not answering that." Yuuko pulled her knees close to her chest. It was still raining. "She'll see through me eventually."

"Or she already has, and she doesn't care." Kousaka paused. Yuuko wondered what she was thinking about. "I can't give you advice. I don't have any. I'm not a psychiatrist." Yuuko hated what she was about to say.

"What about a friend?"

Natsuki knew, somewhat guiltily, that she'd hit the nail on the head, based on Kumiko's expression. The poor girl looked like she'd been struck by lightning.

"I'm fine," she repeated. Natsuki arched an eyebrow, something she'd gotten rather good at over the past two years.

"Listen, I'm not gonna pressure you into anything, and you're clearly a lot happier without Tsukamoto and all of that, but I'm just here for ya as a friend and as someone who had to watch you and Kousaka stumble around your feelings for two years."

"I miss her." Kumiko whispered it, like a secret, which she knew was ridiculous because this was a pretty crowded coffeeshop and the rain drowned out most of the sound anyway. "A-and I don't want to mess things up, and anyway she's all the way in New York and long-distance relationships never work out, so why even try, right? Why make things worse? I don't want to lose her, Natsuki."

"Ah, there's the Kumiko I know." Natsuki briefly considered reaching across the table and hugging her. "Ya won't lose her. I think I know that." She looked out the window, at the rain coming down in sheets. "It looks like we'll be stuck here for a while, but maybe call her once you're back home."

"Maybe," Kumiko echoed to herself. "Y'know you didn't have to come all the way out here and do this j-just for me."

"Of course I did." Natsuki dug her hands in her pockets. "That's what friends are for, right? And it would've gotten restless if I'd been cooped up in that dorm room all day. We're out of puzzles, and Yuuko thinks I cheat at slapjack."

"How do you cheat at slapjack?"

"I don't know!" Natsuki laughed. "Meanwhile, she definitely cheats at Jenga, so…"

"I've missed this."

"Yeah, me too, Kumiko." Natsuki smiled to herself. "Me too."

The rain refused to let up, as it turned out, and Kumiko reluctantly realized that she'd have to make the trek back to the train station in the downpour.

"Y'know you could just stay over with us for the night," Natsuki said, pulling her raincoat tighter. She found herself, improbably, missing the weird, musty heater in her dorm. "We never use the top bunk."

"Ah, no, I couldn't do that to you two. Besides, I have homework and stuff. Classes."

"Suit yourself. Just know there's always a place for ya." They reached the train station, and Natsuki gave a little salute. "See ya again over break?"

"Definitely." Kumiko set down the umbrella, shivering briefly at the rain that suddenly pelted at her, and fidgeted for a moment before Natsuki wrapped her in a tight hug.

"Take care of yourself, okay?"

"I'll try."

"So ya will." Natsuki stepped back and waved as Kumiko scrunched up her umbrella again and stepped onto the train. "Tell Kousaka I said hi!"

"I will!" Kumiko yelled back, and the train jolted into motion. Kumiko kept her eye on Natsuki until she was little more than a speck in the rainy distance.

"As a friend, then, Yoshikawa-senpai, I'll have to tell you that unfortunately Nakagawa-senpai has already picked out her wedding tuxedo."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're annoying?"

"Not in so many words, no. Usually they call me stuck-up, or pretentious, or an ice queen."

"They'd have every reason to." Yuuko sighed. "I'm in love with her, Kousaka."

"It's a good thing those feelings are reciprocated this time, then."

"God, I can already imagine your stupid, smug face while you're saying that."

"I do have things to do, though. I'll be around, Yoshikawa-senpai. I hope that rain lets up soon."

"I don't think it will." Yuuko looked out the window again. Kousaka hung up, abrupt as she always was. "I don't mind-"

"I'm home!" Natsuki opened the creaky door, sopping wet. Yuuko looked up.

"You look like a cat that just got hosed down."

"Yeah, it's brutal out there." Natsuki peeled off her raincoat and draped it over a chair. "Who was on the phone?"

"Kousaka."

"Reina Kousaka?"

"Do we know any other Kousakas?"

"That's fair." Natsuki leaned on the heater. "Everything okay?"

"Everything's fine." Yuuko shifted uncomfortably. "You're going to catch on fire if you keep doing that."

"It'd be better than pneumonia." Natsuki shrank back from it a little bit anyway.

"Why do you like me, Natsuki?"

"Everyone's having feelings lately, huh? Must be something about the stars. Astrology. Mercury in retrograde or something."

"Or the rain." Yuuko looked out the window again. There weren't any signs of it stopping any time soon. "Or we're just a bunch of sad people."

"But why do I like you? I mean, I could write a list - you're stubborn, and loyal, and opiniated, and ya play the trumpet pretty well and you've got a voice that isn't half-bad and you're a really good kisser and you agreed to room with me and love's not something we can really quantify, anyway, is it? I hope not. I've always sucked at math." Natsuki chuckled dryly. "I mean, Yuuko, when it comes down to it I like you 'cause you're you."

They'd kissed before, so many times, but never like this, never like the soldier coming home from war, never like the world was ending and they were finding each other for the first time, embraced in that stupidly romantic way they swore they'd never end up.

It might have been the closest thing to perfect either of them had ever experienced.

Kumiko arrived home - back at the dorm - home in the evening, when the sun was starting to set and turning the cloudy sky shades of pink and orange, the clouds themselves looking like cotton candy. Her umbrella had gone inside out just once on the walk back, the damage minimal, and it crinkled back into a little thing just the same. Her roommate was asleep already.

In the hall, with the rain still ringing in her ears, Kumiko pressed the contact she knew by heart and took a deep breath.

"Hey, Reina?"

"Kumiko?"

"I, uh, think I'd like to see you."

a/n: gay rights! i miss these dorks