I know this is unusual for me, even I think so. When I watched Angel Beats! I didn't believe what Yuri said to Otonashi. It sounded like a lie, and she sounded the same way people do when they lie. She looked like she was denying it. I know Yuri was just trying to end the conversation, but that's what I picked up.
I picked out names for Yuri's siblings, to make it easier on all of us.
I'm not sure if this counts as mature rating, but if it's not then I'll change it. Well, here's to us. *raises glass*
Yuri's sobs receded as she wiped her tears with her sleeve. On the floor beside her was a revolver. She had spent the last fifteen minutes sitting in this room and crying. She was in the ground floor of the school. Yuri had skipped sixth period to sneak here and had stolen the revolver from her father's drawer.
Their voices still rang in her head.
It had been six years since they died. Her siblings. Their anniversaries were last week. Yuri tried to forget, but it always hit her.
Surrounded here with a revolver. She was caught between a choice. She could end it all or she could carry on and pretend it was like any other day. But that was just it. It wouldn't be the same. Everyday she felt the emptiness gnawing at her. Their empty bedrooms thundered with an unending silence.
If they hadn't been killed Reiko would be in middle school, Hana and Shoda would be in elementary school. Yuri's heart ached with every memory that jumped at her.
She had recurring night terrors. She would wake up in a cold sweat. Every time she heard a child's laugh she was reminded of them. She had been to countless therapists, even though they told her that it was not their fault, Yuri always ended up blaming herself.
They were wrong. It was her fault. If only she had been faster, or stronger, or perhaps a little older. If only they'd given her more time. If only she had thought of a plan to get them to leave.
Yuri never watched action movies or horror movies. The gunshots in those movies made her see flashbacks of their deaths. She could still see the blood splattered on the walls. She could still see the blood streaming from Hana's chest. And the one on Reiko's forehead. She couldn't bare to see where Shoda had been shot. Yuri remembered closing her eyes and hearing the heavy footsteps of the robbers leaving.
She remembered the funerals. She was in a black dress and all her relatives were there. Her cousins Kyoko and Sasuke consoled her and said how sorry they were. Yuri thanked them for coming, but the sad truth was that she was going to be spending the rest of her life without her siblings. Over the years their bedrooms had been kept empty, cleaned and furnished. No one ever used them, unless her cousins came over for the weekend. But it still seemed wrong to Yuri. Her parents thought keeping their rooms untouched would make it feel like they're still there. She didn't understand it. Why keep their rooms preserved if they were dead? It just didn't make sense!
Yuri picked up the gun again, staring into the barrel. She found it a few months ago. How long had her father had this? Maybe if she knew about this gun, she'd have used it on the robbers, and her siblings would've been saved. Looking at it, she pretended it was one of the robbers holding it and she would be shot. One life for another. Yuri ached every moment to be grown up, so she could find those heartless murderers and get justice for her sisters and brother. Except down that path she would be damning her own as well. If she took another's life, she would already be marked. When you kill someone for the first time, you never forget it. It haunts you, scars you, follows you for the rest of your life. And the world would know. People would know she did it, but would they know the reason behind it? Perhaps, perhaps not. They might understand her, but others would judge her. What those thieves did to her family was unforgivable, and she would never forgive them for that. No one in their right mind would forgive such an atrocious crime.
Yuri felt new tears well up. She wondered how much time had gone since she got here. She skipped sixth period. She hadn't heard the school bell go off. Maybe being down here warped her way of telling time. It might've been hours in here, but out there was probably just a few minutes. She pointed the gun to her head, finger on the trigger. What was the point of going on if she was alone? She didn't have friends. Her parents were drifting further and further apart. They tried to have another child three years ago, but her mother suffered a miscarriage. There was no point in mending what was broken. She envied her classmates, the ones that had siblings. She would give anything to be in their shoes.
Letting out a sob, she slammed her head on her knees, tears rolling down her face and dampening her clothes. She laid the gun down on the floor. Her sobs increased as the heart-wrenching sorrow overtook her again. She could deny it, but she would just revert back to her previous mood. All the therapist's she'd seen did little to alleviate the hurt. They suggested she'd join a club, be around others. Yuri turned it all down. Things would never be like they were before. If she could turn back time, she'd have asked her parents about the valuables and maybe her life would've taken a different turn. Her life would be how it should be.
She had spent her life blaming herself for not protecting them. She could blame it on the robbers. But she couldn't blame her parents. It wasn't their fault...was it? No, no. They just couldn't be there. Their work was demanding, and they certainly had enough of it these days. Her parents had been spending more and more of their time at work. Some nights they wouldn't come home until midnight. That's how hectic it was. The loss was too much for them. Yuri didn't bother asking them what was wrong. They would just give her the usual drawl, that they were fine, or tired. The same spiel.
Why did these things have to happen? She and her family had been good people. Her siblings were innocent. She should've died, not them. They didn't deserve such horrible deaths. Why couldn't someone save them? Who could've saved them? Who? Who?
God.
God was the almighty being who ruled the world and created order and peace. If He created peace, why did He have to create suffering? He was suppose to give joy to people. He was suppose to save everyone, heal wounds, and protect everyone. Why didn't He protect her and her siblings when her home was attacked? Why didn't He save her siblings? No, God was no God at all. He was a farce, an imposter. God was selfish and humanity was his playground. Humans are just His toys. He didn't love them, and He certainly didn't love her. Yuri didn't want God in her life. She didn't need Him, she didn't want Him.
She glanced down at the gun. Perhaps she could ask God himself. And why wait? She could ask Him right now.
A noise echoed through the air. Yuri bolted upright. She hadn't considered the possibility of her teachers noticing she was missing. Of course, she was too wrapped up in her sorrow to care about that. Now that she might be found out...
Any minute now, her teachers would call her parents, and they would come rushing in to make it all better.
The noise, which were sounding more like footsteps, grew ever closer.
"I can't," she whimpered, "I just can't."
With that decided, Yuri picked up the gun and pointed it to her head.
I have to do this. Her tears streamed down her cheeks. I'm going to confront God. Get justice for my family.
The door must've slammed open.
Her finger on the trigger shook.
BANG!
Blood splattered all over the floor and walls. The sound of shuffling feet filled the room. A scream escaped a woman's throat, tears rolling down her face.
Yuri's green eyes gazed vacantly into space...dead.
Darkness.
That was the first thing she saw. And then, it happened. Her life flashed before her eyes. She saw herself taking her fist steps. Time passed and she was greeting her new little sister Reiko. Then she saw herself attending her first day of school. More time passed, and she and Reiko saw their newest sister Hana. All the good times spent with her two little sisters and her parents. Then she saw her little brother Shoda. All their fun times flitted in and out. Then, the dreadful moment appeared. Yuri tried to close her eyes, but she wondered if they were already closed. She opened her mouth them but no scream was heard. She tried to move, but some invisible force held her down. And that same invisible force made her watch as her siblings were shot. The gunshots rang in her cranium. Then there were the screams, hers. The blood on the walls and floors blossomed like miniature pools. Yuri begged for the torment to end. She didn't want to see this anymore, but she was forced to watch the rest of her life flash by. She yelled with her mind, begging, pleading. She felt hot tears roll down her face. She was seeing her death. There she was holding the gun. Deciding whether to end it or not. And she heard herself declare justice for her family. And then the shot rang out. She was dead and still dying. The blood poured out her head like a torrent. Yuri hadn't noticed that she regretted shooting herself. But she had to if she was going to find God. All of her memories accumulated and surrounded her, spinning back inside her like a tornado. When she couldn't handle any of it, the darkness took over, to her relief. There was silence now.
She waited. How much time had passed? Five minutes. Five hours? Years? Millennium? The dread gnawed at her. Fear and adrenaline coursed through her. She was afraid to move after what she'd went through. No doubt there'd be an unspeakable horror waiting for her. But no matter, she had to see what was out there. Slowly, her eyes snapped open and she was met with a bright blue sky. Blinking her eyes, she sat up straight, running her hand across the grass. Looking down, she hadn't realized she was lying on grass. Yuri swiveled around.
It took her a few seconds to realize she was in a school. A white structure with about four floors, numerous windows, and the atmosphere of academia oozing out of every orifice. She could hear the sounds of chatter wafting out of a corner. Some people must be nearby.
Standing up, that's when she realized the clothes she was wearing. A yellow and black blazer over a white blouse, a bolo tie round her neck. She wore a black skirt, black loafers and black knee high socks. A school uniform. Yuri didn't have the time to consider this conundrum, and followed the sound of the voices.
She walked around the left corner of the building and saw a group headed towards the sports field. There must be some game or a field day.
Why was she here? Where was God? This didn't look like Heaven. This must be another dimension. Maybe a world between Heaven and Hell. If this was purgatory, it didn't look like how she'd imagined. Drinking in all its idyllic perfection, Yuri couldn't believe the looks on these people's faces. It was too good to be true. Like an apple: good outside, bad inside. So where was the bad?
Yuri was sure she would find someone to help her around this place. Finding God could wait. She had the rest of eternity to find Him. Besides, she had all the time in the world.
Oh and the cover I used for this. It's suppose to symbolize the fading of life. The wine looks more like blood. And anyways, I didn't want to use a picture of Yuri. It's hard finding a good one to match up to the story.
Also, I know I'm not the first person to try this; countless of fans have written their own versions to Yuri's death. Whether by suicide or not. Well, here's my contribution. I hope I measure up to what others have already done.