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Alec is healed but what happened to the others who took on his pain? Jace, Magnus and Max are still out…

Chapter Ten.

Jonathan Christopher Lightwood Herondale was a very scared man in these moments. Though he saw just about every one of his biggest fears just seconds ago, what is scaring him more than anything is what he saw inside of Alec's head. Every horrible feeling, terrible fear or deep seeded hate that Alec and ever felt was transferred through their bond and Jace went through every single one of those feelings all at once. Jace loved his parabatai in a way that he could not love another person. He thought he knew him better than anyone but after feeling all of that horror, he realized that no one really knew Alec, except for himself. He hid everything so well from everyone because he was so afraid of what would happen if people found out about his truth and his fears. Jace thought that he could shield his brother from as much hate as possible but after feeling that…no one should ever feel that alone. Why didn't he know? Why didn't he do anything about it when he felt his parabatai hurting so badly? Why didn't he cover for him more often? Make him feel as if he was loved?

He is loved. Jace does love him. Right now that is all that matters.

Jace's fears finally wake him with a horrible scream. Clary's arms are around him in an instant, talking to him in a quiet, soothing voice. She kisses him calmly and he comes back to realizing where he is. He's in his brother's apartment. He's okay. He's safe but he's hurting. Jace manages to push himself up with Clary's help. He sits at the edge of the bed where Alec is holding onto his son, Rafe. They are clutched in each other's arms as if they are the only people on the planet. The others are sitting around with concern, talking in hushed voices. It's strange but he tries to ignore it. All he can think about, all he should think about right now is what his parabatai has been through.

"Clary, are you okay?" Jace manages through his confused pain. Though he is not in physical pain anymore, he can still feel everything that his brother felt over the last few years and it is absolutely terrifying.

"Yes," she says. "I'm fine. You don't look fine."

"I'm not. I need to talk to Alec."

"I'm okay, Jace," Alec says, reaching out one hand to him as he keeps a firm grip on his son. Jace takes his hand but then quickly winces and pulls away in shock. His hand. His fingers are bright red and swollen. Some of them are even turning purple. They are throbbing with pain. Why do they hurt so bad?

"They're broken," Jace says with realization.

"What?" Alec says. Rafe lets go of his father and sits back on his heels, looking between the two warriors. Alec takes his brothers hand carefully and sees the broken fingers.

"I did that," he says.

"Don't worry about it. You didn't mean to. We can heal it," Jace says in a tight voice. "But I need to talk to you."

Alec looks a little strange, as if he does not know why either of them need to talk about anything. He gives a little glare and then looks to the others.

"Thank you all for helping. I think you deserve a break," Alec says.

The others get the idea, though they are feeling suddenly very tired. Simon grabs onto Izzy's hand and takes her out of the room. Clary squeeze's Jace's shoulder before leaving the room with Rafe and carrying Max out.

"What about Magnus?" Jace asks, looking down at the unconscious man now without his son, his arms splayed in an awkward fashion and his face totally relaxed. His body is sinking into the bed and his head is tilted to the side. The moment his eyes open, he will see Alec, which makes Jace feel strange.

"He'll be okay. This happened last time. He just needs rest and he needs to heal," Alec says, pushing some of his lovers hair away from his face with a small smile that Jace thanks the angel for. Alec turns back, looking like some color has returned to his face. His eyes are back to their perfect blue and his hands are steady when they push himself back to sit up against the headboard.

"Are you okay, Jace?" he asks, concerned about someone else, which is almost funny to him.

"No. I didn't know how much I didn't know, Alec," he admits in total fear, not sure how he could possibly be so clueless about his parabatai. It terrifies him like nothing else. It even threatens their very strong bond that he thought was unbreakable.

"What happened? What do you mean?" Alec asks all at once.

"I saw every one of your worst fears. I felt all of them at once."

Alec takes a long breath in a sigh and reaches across the small space to take his brothers hand. He stops when he remembers that his fingers are broken. Instead of talking, he reaches down and takes out his stele, drawing an iratze on his parabatai easily. He focuses on it's healing powers as much as he can to be sure that his brother's pain ebbs away. After just a few seconds, Jace is the one breathing a sigh of relief. However, the pain is gone but the fear is not. The fear pushes on his chest just as hard as anything has ever hurt him before.

"Alec, when you thought you loved me romantically, I knew and I didn't care. I never thought any less of you. I was never worried about anything changing. I never knew how scared you were."

"Jace—" Alec starts. "That was a long time ago."

"Let me tell you all of this. I felt everything you felt. Listen to me. I never avoided changing in front of you because I didn't want you to think that I thought differently. I never thought differently of anything about you. I kept training with you because I trusted you. I always loved you and I always will. When you saw other boys and you wanted them, you should have talked to me. I never would have judged you, Alec. You could have told me anything and I would have been okay with it," he explains in fear.

"I always wanted what I couldn't have," Alec says in a dull but painful tone. Jace reaches across the space between them, putting his hand on his brothers.

"You couldn't tell me before how afraid you were of our father," Jace says. "But you can tell me now."

"It always seemed like nothing in comparison to your pain from your own father," Alec explains. Jace gives him a look but then Alec goes on. "But you're right. I was scared of him. I wanted to be everything he was proud of and somehow I knew that he suspected I was different. Even when he had the sex talk with me, I was disgusted and he laughed at me. He said I wouldn't be one day but…I always was. I always knew that what I wanted was different and dangerous."

"You are not dangerous, Alec," Jace assures. "I didn't know how afraid you were and I'm sorry that I couldn't help you then but no matter what you're feeling, I want you to always talk to me about it."

Alec gives a short smile.

"When Magnus left me, I thought that was it. When Dad hated me, I thought I could never be what he wanted. I thought that would always be you. The only thing I could trust was that Izzy knew, somehow she knew and she still loved me. That's why I never told you. I couldn't handle one more person looking at me like I was broken," he says.

"You are not broken. You are my brother," Jace says in a tone so sincere there are tears laced in it. He grasps his parabatai's hand between him and closes the space. "I felt how much pain you were in just now. I felt your fear and I—"

"It's still with you," Alec says, squeezing his brother's shaking hand when he comes to the realization that Jace is still afraid, terrified even. The cocky blonde bites his lower lip and looks down, his face breaking.

"I had no idea. I'm so sorry, Alec," Jace says, his voice cracking all over. Alec grabs his brother and the two of them embrace in a long hug, holding each other tightly as the tears come. Neither of them say anything about the crying. They both need this moment away from everyone else. They both need to feel the pain that is all over their bodies without attempting to hide it until Alec looks up with tears on his smiling face and says, "Entreat me not to leave thee…"

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