The story Twilight and its characters belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer.
Chapter 4: My Fear of Twilight
It...was the...Cullens. I was sure it. I recognized the tall blond as Jasper because he looked just like Jackson Rathbone whom I am a fan of. That must mean that the rest of them must look like the actors as well. And the small black haired girl by his side must be Alice. Though I don't know who played her in the movie. Although i'm a big fan of the Twilight saga I didn't want the movies to ruin the books for me like they usually do for other books. I knew that Jackson Rathbone was Jasper because he was on my favorite night talk show Criag Ferguson. As they passed me I stared ahead not to stare at them while my breathing became shallow.
Then the next Cullen couple walked in to the cafeteria and my eyes bulged out of my head. I had heard that my favorite male model Kellen Lutz was in Twilight but I didn't that he was Emmett Cullen. If I wasn't freaking out I would take time and marvel at him. He was so handsome. I looked at the beautiful blond girl walking with her hand in his. She must be Rosalie. Her inhumanly beauty made me remember what the Cullens were. I looked down at the table, my eye leads fluttering as I was thinking.
They were v...va...I couldn't even think the word. My heart was pounding in my ears so I closed my eyes tightly. I gripped the table using as much strength I had without anybody noticing and tried to will my body to do the impossible and disappear back home to South Florida. Sadly no luck.
I let go of the table when my strength left me because of my distress. I looked over at Jessica who apparently has been talking this entire time. She didn't even notice that I wasn't listening. I was panicking to much I couldn't make since of her words. My knowledge of the book lead me to that she might be telling me about the Cullens because I had been openly looking at them. Thinking about the situation similarity of the book lead me to become more distress.
I turned forward again when I heard the door that lead to the outside of the cafeteria open. If you didn't think that I was spazzing before well I am now. Edward just walked in.
I did a small gasp and stopped breathing. I looked at him with wide eyes and tensed as he passed me. This is a dream. That was the most logical thing I could come up with. I was nervous about school last night and to make myself feel better I associated school with the Twilight book because i'm in Forks now. I'm still art home sleeping. Yeah, yeah...that's it. This is all a dream. I started to calm down as I told myself this in my head and blew out a few breaths before looking back at Jessica.
I was now able to make out some of what she was saying.
"I think it's because can't have any kids." The gossiping Jessica said being all smug.
"Wow that's really mean." I said. I may be suffering from anxiety but I still have heart. Plus excitement makes me lash out.
"What? I'm saying what I think." She said she said in an obvious tone.
"Me to, but that doesn't change it from being what it is." I said.
"Sure."She said doing a small roll with her eyes that landed on Edward while he was getting lunch.
"Oh yea, that's Edward. He's not with anyone and apparently no else is good enough for him. Like I care, ya know." She said looking at her food. She totally cared.
This whole time I was leaning away from her as she was quoting Twilight. I ducked my head then finally looked straight at him. As he was walking back to his table with his tray he smirked. Yup, he had heard our conversation. Oh, god there's that anxiety again. I stared down at the table and started shaking a little. I should go to the restroom to calm down. I could've went before but I would've ran and that would've caused a scene.
I looked at Jessica who was talking to Lauren.
"When does lunch end?" I asked in a small voice.
She looked at the clocked. "In fifteen minutes."
"Okay i'm going to the restroom before class."I said.
"Kay see ya later." She said.
I got up on wobbly legs. When I had my balance I started walking out of the cafeteria towards the exit to the school's halls, this time ignoring the stares. I dared not look at the Cullen's table again.
When I got out of the lunch room I walked straight down the hall to the girl's restroom that I passed twice today on the way to my classes. I opened the door and saw that no one was in there and laid my book bag on to one of the sinks and then I walked to a stall. After I put toilet paper on the seat I sat down on it and started to freak out.
"Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!" I kept saying over and over again as I looked down at the restrooms blue tile floor and shook my head. I kept doing this until it turned to just heavily breathing and I rocked back and forth holding my head in my hands. After calming down a little to just slightly shaking I decided that if I was going to make it to the end of the school day without freaking out and breaking down in front everyone I needed to build up my nerve.
I came out of the stall and went to the restroom's sink. I looked into the mirror at my face. I looked worried. I grabbed the squeaky nob on the sink and turned it on then I took a brown napkin and wet it. looking back into the mirror I started some breathing exercises and gently patted my face with the brown napkin.
After I was done I put my hands on both sides of the sink still looking into the mirror.
"Stay calm, you're not crazy and this is all a dream." I said. In the back of my mind I knew that it was a lie. The emotions that I was feeling were to loud for this to be a crazy dream.
I looked closer into the mirror and told myself "You are going to be fine." I just won't think about my situation till I go home so I will be able to carry on through the day. Then the bell rung for the next class. I sighed then took a deep breath and grabbed my book bag.
When I walked into the hall I remembered that I didn't know where my fifth period was. Then I saw Mike clearly looking for someone. He turned around and saw me and smiled brightly. So apparently he was looking for me. He must've asked Jessica where I went.
He walked up to me and said "What's up Florida?!"
"Nothing I just need help finding my next class." I said and his eyes lit up like Christmas.
"I can help you. What's your next class?" He asked.
I reached into my right pocket and pulled out my folded schedule. Looking at it I saw that I have Biology with .
"I have Biology with Mr. Banner ." I said looking up at him from the paper. He smiled had spread out more.
"Me too! I'll take you there!" He said clearly excited. He is like a helpful puppy just like Bella had described him. Wait...where is Bella?! No I have to stop thinking about this!
"Sure, lead the way." I said holding out my head. So Mike lead me to Biology class.
When we got there I walked up to the teacher.
"Hello, i'm Jessica and I just started today." I said taking out my folded schedule again to hand it to him.
looked at me and smiled then took my schedule.
"Yes, of course... . I'll have a seat for you right next to ." He said looking at his clip board.
I looked to where he had pointed with dread. I closed my eyes tightly and started breathing exercises. I would not let my determination crumble just yet. Just two more periods to go. I blew out a breath and started walking to my new seat trying to keep calm and forget about the book or else i'll freak out. Completely forgetting about the fan.
Now call me to observant but why in the world does a classroom in one of the coldest and rainiest towns in the United States need a fan!?
"Whooosssshhh." Was not the only sound coming from the fan as it blew my hair towards the rest of the class room, it was also the sound of my life expectancy as well as my confidence going down the drain.
After I passed the fan Edward's head snapped in my direction his eyes were as black and glossy like black oil paint. I stopped walking and stared at the ground, but I had to continued down the path to my seat when the bell rung and told everybody to get into there seats. I grabbed my chair and put it as far away from Edward as possible. When I sat down my right leg wasn't even under the table. After awhile I got antsy. When will this dream end! I shouted in my head.
Edward's stare was as intense as the sun in South Florida and as cold as the icy ground outside. He looked awkward covering his nose with his hand. This must be torture for him because even regular people say I smell really good, but not in i'm going to eat you sorta way. He glared at me the entire class. My anxiety wasn't making this better at all. I was at least trying to pretend to get through the school.
As soon as the bell rung he was out the door. I stared down at the table with my book bag in my hand on the right side of my chair. I can't believe that just happened. Then I looked up to find Mike coming over to me.
"Hey what did you do to Cullen? Stab him with a pencil? He was glaring at you through the entire class." Mike said.
"No, I didn't say one word to him. Maybe he had a stomach problem? Did you see how fast he went on the door?" I said.
"Yeah." He said then looked at me with a gleam of confidence in his eye.
"Do you need help finding your next class?" He asked looking hopeful.
"Um not really I know where it is. On the way to my classes I passed the gym a couple of times." I explained. He smiled.
"I have gym this period to, you wanna walk there together?" He asked very interested in my answer.
"Sure, okay." I said. I kind of wanted to be alone with my thoughts, but he was being nice.
The rest of the school day passed in thankfully uneventful. I went to gym but sat out because the teacher said that I looked sick. He thought it was a case of "the first day jitters" as he called it. It must've been from worried expression on my face. I laid back on bleachers with my eyes closed thinking of anything that had a nice and calming effect.
After awhile the bell finally ringed. I left out the gyms back door.
I saw my dad waiting for me at pick up and went over to him and into the car.
"How was your day?" He asked driving out of the schools parking lot.
"It was fine." I said trying to keep my emotions from showing through my face and my voice.
"Make any friends?" He asked.
"Yeah a few." I said.
"That's good." He said. The drive home was quiet until his phone ringed, god he always talked so loud on the thing.
"HELLO!" My dad answered. I squinted my eyes because that hurt my ears. He was adding stress to me when I was already trying to keep calm and the thoughts of what happened today out of my head.
When we got home I got straight out of the car willing my steps to be careful of the icy pavement as I went to knock on our white front door.
"Coming." I heard my mom say say from the inside. Then she opened the door and smiled at me.
"Hey sweety, how was your day?" She asked and then kissed me on the cheek.
"It was fine." I said in a hurry. I knew she would want to hear more than that so I said "Mom can I talk about my day later, i'm really tired."
"Oh, Sure." She said letting me into the house. I saw my sister on the couch watching one of her soaps.
"Hey Jazzy." I said.
She looked at me and said "Hey, how was your first day?"
"It was fine." I said then went upstairs in a hurry. Before I went to my room I went to the bathroom and settled for breathing hard for a short time and bouncing my leg up and down repeatedly. After I finished I went right into my room and closed my door.
I sighed then started hyperventilating as I remembered everything that happened today. The memories were swirling around in my head. I looked out my window from where I was standing by the door. The walls started caving in and out as I gasped for air and started having heat flashes. Then my legs gave out and I stumbled on to my bed. As soon as my body hit the mattress I passed out.
When I woke up my body felt numb and my face was facing the window. It was now night outside. I turned over to reach my phone in my jacket pocket. I clicked the power bottom and my phone lit up showing a colorful painting in the background and bright white numbers for the time. It was 9:00 p.m. My mind was still dizzy and foggy. I kicked of my shoes and undid my pants to get them off, then I unzipped and shrugged off my jacket and struggled a little to reach around and get my bra off from under my shirt. After I was finished I climbed up higher on my bed and went under the warmed covers from laying on them, then I went straight to sleep.
I usually wake up multiple times when I go to sleep early or full of energy. So it came no surprised to me when I woke up again at 1:04 a.m. My mind thankfully was still foggy and I couldn't really think. I took off my shirt and picked up my folded towel from my night stand and covered my body with it then went into the bathroom to take a shower.
As a took a hot shower, I stood motionless, small fragments of yesterday's events were coming back to me. I started breathing harder. The steam swirled all around me and my body and the hot water from the shower head beaded on my back. I sunk to my knees while water falling water covered my head and swerved around my feet. I stared at my feet and the tub's floor.
"What's happening to me? Am I crazy?" I whispered myself. When I got out of the shower I grabbed my orange fluffy towel and dried off my legs so I wouldn't track water in the hallway. The light reflected off the steam in the bathroom showing all the steam swirling around the bathroom.
I opened the bathroom and went back to my room. I dried off and put lotion on my body then put on underwear and a light pink hello kitty night shirt. Then I said my prayers. I prayed for peace and happiness. And most of all that I wasn't crazy.
Still on my knees I looked at my looked at my laptop on my desk in the corner. Should I do research? To answer that question I asked another question. Do I want to go back to sleep? If I do research that would make myself too excited and I won't get any sleep. I was still tired from the panic attack so I decided to stay as calm as possible to go to sleep and tomorrow I could stay home and think it all through. No, I would not research it to night.
I laid in my bed suppressing all the memories and forcing myself to go to sleep. It took about forty five minutes but I did it, though my sleep was restless.
Hello my readers! I was wondering whether I should continue this story or not. I don't know whether or not it's interesting or boring. Come on readers I want to see if this story is worth all the typing. Just review and tell me what you think so i'll know to keep it up or not. If you review The Cullen men will dance for you! Yeah!