The story Twilight and its characters belong to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer.

Chapter 18: This Is As Me as it Gets

Tonight I woke up around ten. Since I went to sleep early and didn't take a shower, I decided to do that now. When I got up out of my bed I realized how hungry I was. I was totally going to stuff myself before bed. But first I had to see how my sister was doing and say goodnight to her and my mom. I went over to my dresser and pulled out loose fitting pants and a shirt. After I had dressed I headed to my sister's room. I opened the door and the room was dark, so I had flicked on the light. I looked down at her hot pink and blue sheets to see that they lay flat, which means that no one was under them. And I saw that the bed was still made up. She might be in the living I thought after closing her door., I went down stairs and went into the living room. The television was on and my dad was watching Lifetime. Usually Jasmine was always up to watch this kind of stuff with him.

"Hey dad, did mom and Jasmine come back yet?" I asked. He turned his head up and looked at me from the couch.

"They checked into the hospital." He said. After he said that I listened with more concern.

"What happened?" I asked.

"They're running some test on her because the Shingles virus returned."

"Again? Jasmine already feels bad enough." I said shaking my head. I went back up to my room and grabbed my cell phone. I started calling my mom, but after three tries she still didn't answer. And the same for my sister. It must be a bad connection, it happens in certain parts of the hospital a lot. I sighed and put my phone back on my dresser. Then I started to undress myself for a shower.

The Next Morning

I woke up very well rested today, so I had no problems getting up and ready for school. When I had gotten to school I of course went straight to my art class. As I sat down at my table, I thought about what I would do to help make my decision. And decided to talk to Edward and see how he responds to the real me. From the beginning I have not been Bella, and if I stay this life will be mine. This life will be different from hers.

At lunch Jessica had invited me to help pick out dresses for the dance this weekend.

"So what do you say? You'd be a huge help." Jessica said looking at me hopeful. Knowing what this meant for me my heart thumped. Here it is. I thought. I looked at her and nodded. But I guess I didn't look to excited thinking about all the possibilities that would come from that night.

"You know, you don't have to come if you don't want to." She said.

"No,no I do!" I said with a smile. She smiled back at me and nodded. Then she turned back around to talk to Lauren. Since I had already decided to talk to Edward, so I looked at him out of curiosity. As I was taking him in, he looked up at me with a look of curiosity as well. I didn't look away and neither did he. After a while Jessica bumped my elbow.

"Are you and Edward having a staring contest?" She asked. I slowly looked away from him and looked at Jessica from the side of my eyes.

"In a way." I answered. She looked at me skeptically.

"What? Can't possible friends look at each other" I said with a small innocent smile trying to play it off. Why does she have to make it weird?

"Look?yes. Stare? no." She said. The Angela who had just arrived came up from the back of us and tapped her and she turned around. Thank goodness. I thought. I looked up from my food and back at Edward. And yes he was still staring at me. I smiled at him honestly and looked back to my food. No doubt making him a little confused. I felt my phone vibrate and looked at it from under the table. John had text me. That's odd. I wonder what he could want. I thought. I glanced at him for a second before looking down. I saw that I was right. His eyebrows were knitted together slightly.

"Brilliant." It read. I knew that he was referring to the effect I just had on Edward, so I let out a laugh. Him texting me proves that he knew everything that took place. I looked up at Edward again and saw that he was looking at me intensely. I covered my smile and looked back down. Less then a minute after this the bell rung for fifth period. Like most students I got up and threw away my tray. As I walked I took calming breaths because I started to become nervous. Before entering class I took a big last calming breath. Here we go. I thought as I entered class. Then time seemed to slow down. As all the desk came into view, I saw Edward sitting at his seat. Looking out the window like he did usually. I walked to the table as normal as possible.

"Hey Jessica!" Eric called from his table." I smiled at him and waved.

"Hey." I said. Then I glanced down at the table. Okay Jessica you can do this! All you have to be is yourself. I mentally cheered myself on. I looked at Edward who was still looking out the window with his chin in his hand. Here goes nothing.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked. When he turned around and face me I gave him a small smile. He raised an eyebrow and had a strange expression on his face. He's trying to read my thoughts.

"You're asking me about my thoughts?" He asked.

"Yeah... I guess I am." I said with a small smile. He narrowed his eyes at me with.

"Really." He said sarcastically with a smug smile. He just has to make this awkward, doesn't he? I guess it is strange for me to just start acting different to him. He doesn't understand the reasons why I do the the things that I do. From day one, I have been severely emotional because of him. And he doesn't even know. If I didn't love him... I would actually consider really hating him.

"I have i've been less than civil towards you. I was terrible. And hope that you can forgive me for that. I'm sorry, for being someone really i'm not." I said sincerely. His eyebrows scrunched up and he wore a amused smile.

"Apology excepted. But what brought this on?" He asked curiously while leaning forward. I looked him in his beautiful hazel eyes and laid my elbows on the table and my arms pulled towards me.

"I told you,I have a lot of things to think about." I said. He lifted his eyebrows.

"And I am one of them?" He asked lowly.

"Yes." I said and nodding.

"Why?" He asked.

"I'm hoping to figure that out as well." I said with smile. Then I turned my attention to as he started class. Throughout class Edward and i shared a couple of short interactions. Usually comments that we had been thinking about one another since we met. It was really nice. When the bell rung for next period I got up from my chair and picked up my book bag. Before leaving the table I looked at Edward.

"I guess i'll be seeing you later Edward. Bye." He walked closer to me.

"I'll be seeing you to." He said then he left the class room. I leaned my head to the side and smiled. I was so happy that we had a better... what ever this. I was about to leave when Mike stepped in front of me. So you and Cullen seemed to be getting along. He said fake smiling. I could feel negative emotions coming him.

"Yeah, I guess we're finally becoming friends. It feels nice being on better terms with him." I said.

"Oh,well that's...good.I guess." He said. He really needs to get off my back

"Yes it is." I said looking at the door. Then Mike cleared his throat.

"Hey!" I looked away from the door and at him. "Well...Do you went to walk with me to gym?" He asked.

"Sorry Mike, i'm making a stop on my way to P.E.." I said truthfully.

"Okay, maybe next time." He tried to say casually but I could see the hidden disappointment on his face.

"Yeah, maybe next time...Well, I better hurry bye." I said walking quickly out of the door. And I went straight to the bathroom. There were a few girls in there so I quickly went into a stall to be alone.I took a silent breath. I couldn't say anything out loud so I just mouthed it. (Oh mi god! Oh mi god! Oh mi god! I talked to him!). I bounced up and down a few times before laying back on the door. It's like meeting him all over again, but without all the shock, and the fear, and the anxiety. I bit my lip and excitement. Then I took a couple of breaths to calm down. Although I felt so glad to be around him without having to distance myself I still felt this pang of fear of the future. But I ignored it, flipping my book bag over my shoulder I rushed off to class and I made it right before the bell. The rest of the day was pretty usual. We played volleyball which I liked. But I couldn't jump as high or move as much as I wanted to because my breast would always bounce to much. Even with a good bra like this on. Mike and the other guys kept looking my way as I tried to play as good as I could while covering myself. Those!...Guys just make me so miffed! Stop staring! Please! At least the other Jessica didn't notice that Mike was staring. She seemed to be in dream land. Oh, Mike must haveve excepted her invite to the dance. Which reminds me...I'm going to help Jessica and the others pick out dresses tonight! Oh god! Calm down! How hard could this decision actually be?...Answer...Very.

Hello my amazing readers! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! More coming to ya! Please, please, please! Review! They keep my writers heart pumping.