Behold! I've risen from the dead. Truth be told I almost gave up on ever continuing this story until recently when I read a review left behind by a reader from ages ago. It was so kind and made my entire life. It reminded me that writing used to fun and that my favorite things were to see reviews telling me which parts were good or which made someone laugh. So dear friend, even if you haven't been back since, thank you. This one is for you.

"What's the matter with you?"

"Nothing, why?" Soul asked eyeing me.

"Your arm is in your spaghetti."

I had made dinner for Soul and I while my dad slept off another binge drinking session in the living room. But while Soul had been very vocal about his pleasure at being the test-subject for my "wifey" skills, his energy level had dropped dramatically to the point of almost nodding off in his plate.

"You wanna come lick it off for me?" Soul asked wiggling his eyebrows at me.

"Shut up," I mumbled and looked down at my own plate pushing a meatball around with my fork.

I could feel the initial warming of a blush on my cheeks and I was feeling foolish for it. Ever since the incident in the dressing room of that stupid store it was suddenly so much harder to deal with Soul's flirting or teasing. He had been doing it so often before and had forced me to develop a thicker skin but it seemed as if that had all been scrubbed away once I turned it on him and that left me feeling immensely vulnerable. I glanced up to see Soul running his tongue along his forearm wiping away the sauce while maintaining eye contact with me and grinning like a gremlin. I huffed and shoved the meatball in my mouth. Yes, increasingly vulnerable and Soul seemed to know it.

"So what are we doing tonight?" He had gone back to twirling noodles with his fork.

"I don't know, check my emails and pray the university gods have smiled down upon me."

"University gods?" he asked with his mouth full.

"I sent in my application months ago and it's getting closer to the deadline which means their acceptance letters should be going out soon and I don't know what I'll do if I don't get in, I mean I have a backup plan clearly, I'm not stupid, but I've basically put all my eggs into this one basket and I don't know if I can handle a rejection at this stage and I've…Ow! What the hell, Soul?!"

Soul had leaned over the counter and flicked me in the center of my forehead.

"You done?"

"What?"

"I said are you done? You know, being a spaz?"

I rubbed my forehead, "I'm not being a spaz."

He leaned back in his seat and ran a hand through his hair and down behind his neck and stretched. "Yes, you are, but I forgive you. You need to chill."

I blinked.

"Chill? Are you kidding me? This is my future we're talking about!"

"Yeah, I know, I know," he said clearly not getting the full scope of the situation.

"You wouldn't understand what it's like," I mumbled getting up. "Working so hard for something," I dumped my dish in the sink and heard it clang against the metal basin. I leaned against the counter and sighed looking out the window. "What if I'm not good enough?"

A chair scraped the floor behind me. "I should be offended by that."

I turned my head and watched as Soul sauntered around the kitchen table.

"I should be offended that you would think I would waste my valuable time with some loser who wasn't good enough for every fancy shmancy college in the world. But I won't be since I know you didn't mean it." His dish clattered next to mine. "Let's go check those emails yeah?"

I sighed, "Yeah, ok."

"Good," and with that he put his hands behind his head and made his way to the stairs.

I looked back at the dishes and sprayed them with water. This was stupid. I had been so confident when I told my counselor what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go, what difference I wanted to make. So sure of myself when I filled out the paperwork and wrote my essays and sent them away. But the closer the possibility of failure loomed the more unsteady I was becoming. I scrubbed at the sauce on the dishes watching the water run orange. That had been so embarrassing. I was normally not one to lose my cool but I most definitely had; and in front of Soul to boot. I scrubbed harder at nothing.

It was good to know that he believed in me. Whether that had been all for show or just another way of teasing me or boosting his ego or whatever, it had still been nice to hear. I just really needed this university to come through for me so I could get out of here. I turned off the faucet and watched the last of the soap and water swirl down the drain. There were no other options.

Upstairs Soul had made himself comfortable by sprawling across my bed with his face buried in my pillows; at least he had had the courtesy to take off his shoes. The window was wide open so he must have taken another smoke break. It was common for me to have to blow ashes out of my windowsill the morning after a visit from Soul. He always worried me when he let himself hang out of my window the way he did, I was always sure he was one sneeze away from suddenly being well acquainted with my front lawn. He said it was to keep the smell out of my room and while it did generally help with maintaining my ecosystem he always smelled like a furnace afterwards and brought the smell with him wherever he went. I went to the window and shut it.

"I'll quit one day, just you wait and see," He mumbled into the pillows.

"I can't wait."

I jumped on my bed next to him with my laptop in hand. "I'm nervous."

He turned his head to the side to watch my screen boot up.

"Aren't colleges supposed to send you thick business envelopes with a bunch of brochures in it if you win?"

"I guess some still do."

He yawned and pressed his cheek back into the pillow. "That sounds more fun than an email."

I made a few clicks with my mouse.

"Do you think you'll go to college?" It had occurred to me that Soul never mentioned anything about his future. His education, his dream job, his goals; nothing. He seemed like he would be content doing whatever it was he did at the music store. In high school everyone had talked about how he toed the line between turning in straight-A homework and ditching like a dropout. Everything about him had been so middle of the road that no one had known much about him. They just knew he mostly kept to himself and was attractive. He came over much too often so only one of those was true anymore.

"What for? To get smothered in debt before I even graduate? I think I'll take my chances with the uneducated masses."

"So what do you want to do?" My email account had a spinning loading icon in the center of the screen prolonging the inevitable.

"Who knows? Maybe I'll be famous one day. It just won't be around here," He yawned and closed his eyes again.

So he wanted to move away. There was something he wanted out of life and whatever it was he couldn't get it here. Some dream about finding success somehow somewhere. He mentioned going into debt for college so maybe he just couldn't afford the traditional route and hopes to catch his big break elsewhere. I was once again struck by the fact that I didn't know some important information about someone I saw almost daily.

My email page opened. Nothing.

"We can always check again tomorrow," I sighed.

I only heard soft breathing in response. I looked at Soul napping soundly in my bed at 6:30 in the evening and wondered what was going on inside his head. Watching him these days was like watching a balloon slowly deflate. He came over with the confidence of a man who owned the moon and usually found some way to entertain himself, usually by annoying me. Then eventually he'd simmer down and mellow out and oftentimes fall asleep wherever he happened to be whether that was on the couch, the kitchen table, and once on the stairs. It wouldn't bother me too much except I almost tripped going down those stairs. But I had been noticing lately the intervals between his high energy moments and his lethargic napping were getting shorter and shorter as his unannounced visits became more frequent. What kind of work was he doing to exhaust him so heavily? Or worse, what trouble was he getting into at night that he slept away during the day?

"What kind of life do you lead, Soul?"

He didn't answer, not that I had expected one. Something in his hair caught my eye. There were little gray specs peppered through his hair in stark contrast with the white. Ashes. How did he even do that? It must be from all that hair rubbing he does. I grimaced. And now it was on my bed. I set to work picking out all the bits of ash I could find and hoping I wasn't simply brushing others onto my bed sheets.

"I don't know why you insist on making my life so difficult."

I picked the last of the ash out of his hair and sighed in satisfaction. Soul was a mess of a human being but I couldn't help but consider him a friend. If I had the choice to redo how we met I would but I would still want to try to find the path that would lead to this same moment. If things had started differently would life still have brought us together this way or would there have been completely different endings, different results?

I don't think I would want to lose this friendship we had been gently coaxing together. It seems neither one of us are good at this what with being at opposite ends of the social spectrum, yet somehow instead of constantly pulling in different directions like we used to, we are learning to coexist in a balance that always leaves me satisfied in ways I didn't know I could be.

Soulmate he was not, but dear to me? I would have to say so.

"Yet there would be something lonely in me if you were gone."

I had a very dumb thought. Foolish. Absolutely stupid. I poked his cheek as a test. He mumbled a dissatisfied sound but didn't wake. We were friends. Friends could be affectionate with each other. He had done far worse to me after all. Before I could psych myself out of it I leaned forward and planted a quick kiss on the top of his head and buried myself back in my laptop scrolling and clicking on random things in my inbox my heart pounding a steady beat in my throat.

I fidgeted. I could feel Maka pulling at my hair in much the same way a monkey grooms their pack mates. She was not exactly being gentle and I had no idea what she was doing. As long as I didn't end up bald I didn't care what she did. Every muscle in my body ached and her bed was so soft that it was hard not to actually fall asleep. I just knew she'd plant her foot in my ass and send me to the floor if I fell asleep here. She had been super pissed about the stairs incident, no idea why, so I have had to be careful where I sleep. Her pillow smelled like her with a slight hint of Febreeze. It was much too calming.

She had asked about college. As if people like me went to college. All I had was my music and while Juliard was definitely out of the question, only hipsters went to art school anyway. Her though, she had so many options; led the kind of life that made the government and eccentric billionaires want to start scholarships in order to see her through. I had the piano, bruises and wanderlust. She had the world. 'What kind of life do you lead?' she had asked. If only I had a good answer.

It had been bothering me lately how comfortable I was coming here. How it felt like a sitcom when I came through the door at any time of the day and to have her here as if she were waiting for me. Honey I'm home, I could say. And then her dad would stumble through a door way and fall over something while tipsy and a laugh track would play in the background. It was becoming too easy. I didn't belong here and yet I insisted on following the path I was carving up to her front door almost every day like the grooves in a record. And the more often I fell prey to the siren's song the harder it was to leave.

She continued to flick through my hair and I didn't want to feel comfort but I did and I couldn't help but wonder if it was because of a classic case of mommy issues. Daddy issues galore on both sides sure, but she couldn't possibly know that.

Visiting Kid the other day had shed more shadow on my thoughts than I had shown up with, which you know, was great.

"I don't know why you're asking me this?" He had huffed while using a ruler to measure the distance between his shampoo bottles in his bathroom.

"Because my dude, you're the one who's all about being chill and in balance or whatever. And I'm all types of fucked up right now." I felt incredibly stupid talking about this while sitting on some dude's toilet.

"That's true," he mumbled ever so slightly nudging a bottle to the right.

"Which part?"

"But I don't understand the problem," he continued ignoring me. "You hadn't planned on staying friends with her this long. In fact, I remember you saying you didn't want that at all. So why not just end it?"

I rubbed my temples annoyed.

"Because it's not that simple."

Kid turned and pointed the ruler at me.

"Or are you just upset that the player has become the played?" he asked with a tilt in his grin.

I had told him about the intense awkward aura that had followed us for hours after what had happened between us at the mall. I was almost regretting it. He seemed to think it was a sign that my idea to turn her into a summer fling was working and she was getting into it. I decided she'd be more likely to go binge drinking with her dad on a Saturday night before having any of those kinds of ideas in her brain when she could be storing trivia facts instead. I kicked my foot up against the sink.

"Shut up, I've dealt with girls who think they're the shit before."

"Yes, because you're quite the alpha," Kid said rolling his eyes.

I looked at a framed photo of the golden ratio on the wall; weird thing to have in a bathroom.

"I'm just…," I sighed. "Feeling stupid."

"Probably because you're going against the balance of it all. Not sure what part you're missing."

"Uuuugh, how the fuck am I supposed to go back into balance or whatever when nothing is balancing out?"

THWAP!

"Ow! What the hell?" I grimaced as I rubbed my head.

Kid stuck his ruler in my face. "You deserve it for being so asinine. There are only two options. Stay with her and let her balance you out; god knows there needs to be at least brain between the two of you and we both know it's not in your head."

"Hey!"

"Or number two," he plowed on, "You can stop seeing her, drop her like the one night stand you had originally planned on and allow yourself to go back to how you were before, but let's face it that made you a miserable sod to be with."

"I feel like I should be offended," I muttered kicking the sink again. "You stuck with this sod long enough though."

"Well of course, you are the disarray to my orderliness. You brought balance. Hard to be balanced on your own after all," he finished as he turned his attention to the hand soap on the edge of the counter.

Kid and I had had a strange friendship when we met in high school. And while he was right in that we were very different people, we had been good for each other. When I wanted silence, Kid knew how to be silent. When he wanted refuge, I tried to be a haven. While Blackstar would always be a friend to me, there were some things certain people just couldn't do. Blackstar would get wasted with me; Kid would drive me home.

But knowing that did fuck all for me. Kid had always seemed to have his life together and I figured he'd give me some decent advice. Blackstar would have just told me to grow a pair and fully mean it as being helpful.

Maka sighed and ran her hands through my hair. It seemed she was done doing whatever she had been doing.

"I don't know why you insist on making my life so difficult," she muttered softly.

I almost snorted. Right back at you. She was silent for a minute and I briefly considered popping up and scaring her.

"Yet, there would be something lonely in me if you were gone."

I wanted to smile but didn't want to move. This is like what happens in those dramatic soap operas where someone is in a hospital bed and their loved one is at their side crying out all their secrets and telling them that their long lost twin is alive. Except I wasn't dying. I was in a girl's bedroom as she stroked my hair and told me things she probably didn't want me to hear. She took her hand off my head and poked my cheek. Probably to see if I was awake. No sense in embarrassing her. I pretended not to feel it. Maybe she would say more. I felt the mattress move before she placed the faintest kiss on my head. I definitely couldn't let her know I was awake now. I heard fast clicking and dared to open one eye a small crack. She was opening and replying to spam while breathing as though she ran a marathon. I smiled to myself and closed my eye again.

Right back at you.