Zaimokuza Yoshiteru Can Be Depended Upon Too
"Hikki, I like you. Please go out with me?"
"Wanna have lunch Hikki?"
A simple question that made me pause when, normally, one really doesn't have to think too much about the answer as all one had to say was a YES or a NO. It should be common sense to anyone that a YES or NO question is a simple question and as such, shouldn't be that hard to deal with. Like, the question 'Did you already have lunch?' is easier to answer than the question 'What did you have for lunch?' which has more than two choices for an answer, granted that the latter isn't even a hard question but you get the point here right? Please say you do. Or don't. I don't care either way.
However, this is me were talking about. I'm not normal and we both know it. And by that, I mean that by societal standards, I am abnormal. It's not a fact that I'm proud of, but it's not a fact that I'm ashamed of either. It's just that. A fact. A fact that I accepted as a fact. Just like how the world accepted that the law of gravity is a fact. Fact. A fact that I stated to you. In short, FACT YOU (society and your stupid standards)!
I can be sarcastic about it though and say 'Why Yuigahama-san, of course I "wanna" have lunch! Who wouldn't? Everybody's got to eat sometime ya' know? Ho ho ho! and she probably won't sense my sarcasm so it's just gonna make the whole sarcastic bit moot, which would only end up with us both unsatisfied and disappointed.
Still though, it really shouldn't be complicated. Yuigahama asked me for lunch, I answer with a YES or NO, and depending on my answer, we will have lunch together or not, yada yada, and that's that.
Can't blame me for taking a pause though. It's not everyday somebody asks me for lunch and especially not Yuigahama who, even before the service club disbanded, had only asked me out for lunch just once and that's it, so I'd like to think that the pause was entirely justified. Everyone and their mothers know that I spend most of my lunches by my lonesome, and when I am not alone, it's usually uninvited (prime example: Miura Yumiko). A side note: I spend lunch by my lonesome by choice and not because nobody wants to have lunch with me, as evidenced by people wanting to have lunch with me, such as the lady I'm currently conversing with, even if it's only seldomly. Just want to put it out there in case anyone would think otherwise. I'm not some pitiable loner! I am a loner, yes, but I am a loner by choice [1]. I am not like those pitiable loner-by-circumstance or I-am-a-loner-because-I-hide-in-my-mom's-basement-and-because-I-wet-my-pants-when-I-sleep-a.k.a.-ULTRA-loner types!
"Uhhh… sure? What's the occasion though?" I asked her out of pure curiosity. Again, let me reiterate once more that I seldomly get asked out for lunch. Yes, this is even after I've joined the tennis club. And yes, this is even after I 'gained' friends. It's not that I'm complaining. I enjoy having my lunch in solitude. It is because I am still a loner by fact and by heart afterall. And I thank my friends for respecting that part of me.
Unfortunately though, Yuigahama took it the wrong way, reacting as if I'm questioning the very fiber that holds all the truth about the universe we know, the universe that we don't know, and everything in between. By that, I meant that she took it as an offense, wearing a face as if saying 'for you to have such audacity to question me. You should be ashamed of yourself Hikki! Ashamed!'
But judge! I am innocent I swear! Please don't let me suffer the same fate as that cat of which curiosity was the cause of its death!
…on second thought, I doubt Yuigahama would ever say it like that. It's too sophisticated. It's more up Yukinoshita's alley. Yuigahama would instead probably say 'You stupid meanie Hikki!' with a touch of 'baka!' and to top it all off, she will blow me a raspberry. Yeah. That's more like it. Go Yuiyui! Go ahead and do it!
…
Anyway,
"Can't I just have lunch with you Hikki?" angrily asks Yuigahama with her pouting face. It made me want to poke those puffy cheeks of hers, but I control myself. This is not the time for that… wait, will there ever be a time for that?
"Well yeah you can, but what about Ebina-san?" is my prompt, and in my opinion, the perfect response for the situation. See, not only does her suspicions of me not wanting to go with her dissipates (disclaimer: it's not that I don't want to go with her, it's just that I consider my lunchtime to be my ME time), it also gives me points for showing concern for her friend and lunchmate, not to mention the tidbit of me being observant of her usual lunch patterns. I don't always commend myself for saying or doing specific things, but I will this time just because I gave the perfect response. Good job Hachiman!
"She took the day off today Hikki. She said she has a bad case of the cold so she'd rather stay home today." Replied Yuigahama with a regretful tone.
Yeah, I guess I'd be regretful too if I were in her shoes. I'd rather stay home for today too, possibly for the rest of the week even. But that's a topic of discussion for another day. For now: Lunch. Yuigahama. Battle Star Galactica [2].
Systems engaged. Commencing operation: Lunch with Yuigahama.
"What about Miu-"
"Yumiko will be having lunch with her friend from the tennis club."
The target resisted our first wave of attack. Preparing for the next wave.
"What if I happened to be having-"
"You don't. I already asked Yumiko."
The target resisted our second wave of attack. Proceed with the next wave or retreat?
…
Wait. Why did she ask Miura? Is she my keeper or something?
"Anything else Hikki? You can just say no if you don't want to you know."
…
Retreat it is.
"Well seems like I have no choice but to have lunch with you." I say with a playful tone.
"Wah- Hikki, you make it sound like you don't want to have lunch with me! Why do you have to be so mean?" Yuigahama replies with an angry but hopeful tone.
Well yeah, I was being sarcastic with you Yuigahama-san, but it's nothing other than playful banter. I was being mean but I know it! It's intentional! You should already know this by now!
Geh, Yuigahama can really be transparent at times.
"Fine fine. Let me redo that."
I clear my throat and recite the following in the most cheesiest sweetest voice I can manage,
"I would very much love to have lunch with you Yuighama-sama, but there is just one teeny tiny bit of condition that I have to impose."
…
It was not very effective [3].
...
Yeah I was disgusted with myself too so I really can't complain about that disgusted face that you're wearing Yuigahama-san. Remind me not to do that ever again okay?
"Ugh.. what is it Hikki?" she says with an tone of frustation.
This time, as I assume a pose of confidence and superiority, I say,
"I'm not touching anything you cooked."
"So, how is cram school?"
If there is one truth to this world that anyone could agree with, it is that "man cannot live on bread alone". And I don't mean that in a biblical way or anything like that.I am not that religious. I may do some of the traditions watchamacallit, yes, but that doesn't mean that I am a religious person. With what I said, I meant it literally.
While I love me some yakisoba bread, so much so that I can manage to have it as my lunch exclusive meal for a week, I cannot guarantee that I can do it for a lifetime. I doubt that anyone could. If ever one shows up and says that s/he can, that someone is definitely lying.
Which is why I'm currently at the school's cafeteria, eating one of the cheap meals (but as equally satisfying as yakisoba bread) the place has to offer, savoring it as my much as I can because I want to make the best out of this impromptu lunch with the peach-haired girl. And by that, I mean I want to make it worth the trouble of dragging my ass here when I can just comfortably have my lunch at my go-to spot as usual. Just needed to point it out before any of you gets the wrong idea.
Huh. I am now expounding on what I'm saying instead of letting them stay as misunderstandings. I'm a changed man now! I claim it! Reborn Hachiman is here!
And oh, if you're wondering why I'm not as averse to the idea of us, me and Yuigahama, being in the scrutiny of the public eye unlike when I did as when I was with Miura, it is because that most people here at Sobu already know that we were once clubmates in a club composed of only three people (four if you count Isshiki). So it's not really that abnormal if we are seen together right? It won't be as controversial. In fact, it should be the most normal thing to happen…. right?
Yeah.
It's definitely normal.
But Hikigaya-san, aren't you and Miura-sama in the same club right now?
Why yes imaginary person. Yes we are. But it is a sports club. It is a club composed of more than three people. So wouldn't it be strange if we were seen together outside of club activities? Well maybe not if we're with the other members but if it's just the two of us? I would find it strange.
Not to mention the fact that Miura is someone who gets a ton of attention, what with being the queen bee and all. I don't want unwanted attention, so the logical conclusion would be is to avoid being seen in public with her. I'm sorry Miura, but being seen with you would be a little too inconvenient for me. It's not like I hate you or anything b-baka!
Just thinking about it gives me the chills.
If it was with Totsuka though, sign me up everytime… because we're friends and there's no other reason! No other reason.
"Hm? Whaff waf thaff Hikki?" asked Yuigahama, still with food in her mouth.
….
Why am I not surprised? If there's one (or maybe two) other truth(s) that would hold true in all of the multiverses (if they ever exist), it is that no one should get in the way of Yuigahama and her food (or Yukinoshita and her being bad with directions). I'm pretty sure of that.
I wouldn't want to bear witness once again to the HANGRY Yuigahama. Now I know that she is a genuine nice girl, and that she is this peppy poppy chick most of time, but deprive her of food for so long and you would wish to be caged with a lion than to be with her instead. Take note of this anyone who wants to take her hand. I'm not exaggerating. Trust me on this. I'm still terrified by it.
And no.
I don't want to talk about it and I won't ever. Not even if you bribe me with a lifetime supply of MAXX COFFEE.
"...nevermind. Just eat." I reply in defeat.
It's a good thing that Yuigahama decided to enroll into a cram school. That means that she recognizes her academic aptitude and is willing to patch it up to at least a passable level, enough for her to confidently be accepted in a university, preferably one that is her choice. That would also mean that she plans on entering university with a course in mind. Seems like she's got her act together now.
Compare that to me who still doesn't even know which university he is going to, let alone a course to pursue. I don't even know what I want to do with my future, and this is even after that pep talk I had with Kawasaki. To think that even Tobe already has a university and course in mind. Ain't I the one who got the better grades here? If we were to base it on that, I have a lot of options, yet I just couldn't pick one, much like how harem authors couldn't pick which girl is best girl.
Just pick the black-haired flat-chested kuudere with tsundere tendencies dangit!
…
Seriously.
What am I doing with my life?
"Hm? You okay Hikki?" suddenly asked Yuigahama with a look of concern on her face. This time, with no food in her mouth.
Huh. Are my thoughts showing on my face right now?
"Nothing. Just thinking about why we are still living in this world just to suffer[4]."
"Geh! That's not nothing! And what's with that? I thought you already ditched your pessimistic personality months ago!" cried Yuigahama, coupled with the flailing of her arms which made her little Yuis go boing boing. I say little Yuis but they aren't really little if you know what I mean. Heh.
…
"Correction: I was never a pessimist. I was and still am a realist. So by that logic, I never ditched my pessimistic personality because I never had it in the first place." I answer with an 'as a matter of fact' tone.
Yuighama sighed before giving her response. Huh. So she does that thing too.
"Again with that. HIkki, you are being pessimistic and not being realistic. A realist would rather think about the reality of his or her life, the good and the bad alike, not just the bad ones like you always do. Gah, you make me appear like I'm the smarter one here Hikki!"
Huh?
Is it just me or did this Yuiyui really say something smart just now? Is this the result of her entering cram school? If so, what the hell are they teaching kids in that cram school? I want to know. I might like to apply as one of the instructors there.
Or did she already know it all this time?
…
Or was I just dreaming all this time? Can somebody pinch me?
"But seriously Hikki, are you okay? Is something on your mind?"
Ah. I forgot. This is Yuigahama that we're talking about, the resident mood reader of the now-disbanded Service Club. Of course she would know that I'm thinking about something, which, frankly, is something that bothers me. Even more now as she no longer seem to have any reservations asking me for my thoughts, or asking me for what I feel.
It's scary sometimes, but I kinda appreciate it though. It helped me a ton in accepting the fact that she is no longer here, and that it is okay to mourn but I shouldn't stay mourning, and that I should work on moving on.
Should I tell her though? This brings me back to the time when I asked myself 'Is it really not okay for me to ask?', only this time, the roles are reversed, and unlike me who hesitated and ended up not asking, Yuigahama did just the opposite. She just went and ask, no ifs and buts. Was is always that easy?
But, should I tell her?
What would I gain from telling her?
What would I lose?
What would I gain from not telling?
What would I lose?
All these questions and I only needed to do one thing to answer all of them:
Tell her.
…
Yeah, maybe I should just tell her.
And who knows, maybe I might just find the answer to what's been bugging me for the past days.
"Well, yeah. You're right. It's not nothing. It's definitely something. Something on my mind." I answer, but not fully. Just testing the waters if she really was concerned.
The look on her face tells me that she is.
Yeah, I should tell her.
Welp, here goes nothing.
"I still don't know what to do with my future. I still haven't chosen which course to pursue, which university to go to. Or maybe I just won't go to one and just live the NEET life. I really don't know right now and it bothers me." I finally said, ending my spiel with a deep sigh.
Yuigahama is wearing a concerned face right now, maybe thinking of how to respond to what I just said. But it's not like I'm expecting anything though. Sometimes, just having someone to listen to your worries is already enough. Getting a response is just a bonus.
"Wah Hikki. That's… that is indeed something. But Hikki, didn't you pick humanities for a reason?"
"Yes I did, the reason being is that it's easier for me than the other choice. I didn't really think of what I'd do after." Afterall, it's not like what you pick on your senior year of high school defines the kind of future that is ahead of you.
"Ah-heh… I can't fault you for that 'coz I was thinking about the same too."
Didn't we all? I think it's arrogant for us to say that we already know what we'd do in the future based on which elective we choose in our senior year. That's why I find career choice sheets to be irrelevant, and that's why I put 'househusband' on it all the time because it is the only appropriate answer. Even people who are well in their thirties still question their decisions and career choices. What more us who are still just in high school and, by law of relativity, are still kids?
"How about your dream of becoming a house-husband? That's something right Hikki?"
"Yuigahama, we both know by now that it was just an excuse. Besides, it is just that. A dream. And while it is a dream that I would want to become a reality, the truth is that reality isn't like that at all and it'd be better if I accept that truth as soon as possible."
"Ugh Hikki, you're making me feel depressed too."
"S-sorry."
I really am. It's not like I intend to pull anyone down with me whenever I have my ramblings. I just want to unload them is all. Yes. I'm just a poor misunderstood ol' sap. Screw me!
"But hey, Hikki, it's fine right?" said Yuigahama, gaining her cheeriness back.
"Hm? What's fine?"
She stood up from her seat, as if demanding all of my attention. She then put a hand on her chest, making me focus on her… wait… this isn't that time for that. Hachiman, get your head out of the gutter!
I once again focus my sight on her, and there she looked like an angel with the light shining upon her. Then she said the words,
"Just follow your heart's desire."
-0-
"What is it that you ask of me my comrade?"
"Zaimokuza, how did you bribe the publishers to publish your novel?"
"Gi-fun! I did no such thing! It was by my own hand that my story is given flesh! I was called upon by the Gods of novels who wish to bless me and my story!" [5]
But what you're really asking for is how I became a well-known writer huh, Hachiman?"
"...You know me too well."
"...meet me at Saize later. It's about time we have a man to man talk."
"...I don't like how you worded it, but yeah, see you there."
Isn't it weird how friendships work? They have varying levels, each relationship has it's own set of idiosyncrasies, and there's this dynamic that is unique to each, not to mention the fact that friendship can co-exist or even merge with your other relationships, even the ones where they are not supposed to. Say for example, you have this friend that you also consider your enemy. I'm pretty sure that you have one. I had one too, albeit imaginary (please don't give me that look of pity; I don't need it). Or you could be friends with your siblings, cousins, or any other blood relative. Isn't it weird how friendships work?
I know that I'm pretty new to this whole friendship thing, but really, the fact of the matter is that I just haven't realized that I have friends all this time.
No. I don't think that's quite it. It's more like I just stubbornly refused to label them as such, for fear of rejection, of being hurt, and of being cast aside.
But the truth is, I had friends long before I admitted to myself that they are my friends.
I have Komachi. She's my little sister, yes, but she was and is also my friend.
I have Hiratsuka-sensei. She was my teacher and club adviser, yes, but she was and is also my friend.
I have Yuigahama Yui. She was my clubmate and classmate, yes, but she was and is also my friend.
I had her, Yukinoshita Yukino, who stubbornly refused my offer of friendship simply because she wanted more.
And then we have Zaimokuza.
…
Where do I begin?
Zaimokuza is, to put it gently, a weird kid. And that's coming from the supposedly weird kid. Remember the Hikkigerma phenomenon? Yeah, I regrettably still remember it. That event cemented the idea in my mind that I am the weird kid, that is until I came across Zaimokuza.
He is a guy who doesn't seem to fit with society, but it's not like he cares that much as long as he can be himself, and as long as he can pursue his passion. Pretty much like me, except the last part.
He is unkempt. He is annoying. He can be too clingy. He wears that uncomfortable trench coat of his even if it the weather isn't suited for it. He can be too sad to look at, to the point where you'd want to kill yourself (yes, you, not him) just by looking at him.
He is someone you'd be embarrassed to be seen with is what I'm saying.
And yet, I respect him for even with all of that, he is still himself. He persevered, he did not let go of his overwhelming passion, and look where he is right now. He's living his dream of becoming a well known author, except that his real identity is hidden and is only known by a select people, which obviously includes me.
It was not his choice by the way, the thing where his identity is hidden that is. It was his manager's. I can totally see why, and I 108% agree with such decision.
It is now after class, and as per our agreement earlier via e-mail, we, Zaimokuza and me, are now seated at one of tables of the majestic yet accessible Saize. It was, and still is my choice of restaurant. It is cheap without compromising the quality of the meals you could eat her. It is affordable and is friendly to any kind of customers, be it couples, loners, or even those rowdy football teams who lack self-awareness. Yahoo Saize for being a steward of tolerance! Hurrah!
"Fu-fu-fu. So you've decided to walk the path of the writer, huh, Hachiman?"
…ugh now I remember why it took me this long to ask him. It is because I'd probably dread every second of him talking with that haughty tone of his.
…
I should get my revenge. Let's mess with him a bit.
"Not really. More like considering it."
"Gi-fun! What's with that? That's not how a writer should think! You cannot just 'consder' it! I think we're done here Hachi-"
"Hey hey, calm down. I'm kidding. But not really. It's not like I've already decided, but I am strongly considering it."
"Hmph. Fair enough. Apologies for my outburst."
"No no, I fully understand. Sorry for messing with you like that."
"Fu-fu-fu that was nothing compared to the criticisms I received from wayward fans, which, by the way, is one of the challenges that you'd face as writer so take note of it Hachiman for if you are weak of-"
"I was one of those who wrote those rabid criticisms. Probably a majority of those criticisms really. I made multiple accounts just to do it."
"Gi-fun! Why would you-"
"I bought ten copies of your latest release to make up for it."
"...you're making me conflicted as to how I should feel right now."
After that verbal sparring I had with Zaimokuza (verbal sparring? More like Bore: Ragnarok am I right? [6]), our orders came and there was silence for a while as we took our own respective meals. Always keep this in mind kids: food should be respected! It is what keeps us alive!
After a while though, Zaimokuza opened his mouth to talk,
"So Hachiman, you're considering becoming a writer. What made you ask for my assistance now though?"
Ah, of course he would ask me that. It's been a while since he became successful with his writing as evidenced by the number of volumes he has released, and I had every opportunity to ask him how he did it, but how come I only asked now right? Well, aside from me dreading his haughty tone that is.
And it's not like he was being selfish about it nor was he unwilling to share. He came to me for consultations for some of his volumes afterall.
It's just that I never really asked him on it.
So, isn't it only expected for him to ask me that?
How should I answer though? Heck, what even is my answer?
'Just because I feel like it?'
…
Does not sound like me though. I'd be pissed at myself if I actually said that.
Let's go with the plain truth eh?
"Well, a friend told me to… let's just say consider my future." I answer.
At that answer of mine, Zaimokuza made a face of curiosity as if discovering something interesting. He then rubbed his chin acting as if he is some kind of detective. Those glasses of his, and that horrible trench coat he's wearing actually help with what he's trying to emulate, but his silver-dyed hair is not doing him any favors.
"Interesting. And may I know who this friend of yours is?"
Oh no. I don't like that look he has on right now. It's one of those looks Komachi wears whenever she suspects me of going out for a date with her. I don't like it.
He's probably thinking that I'm doing this for a girl, which is not true at all. While yeah, it is true that that friend is a girl, and yes, it is true that it was her who reminded to do this, I am doing this entirely for my own sake.
…
Better get rid of that look then.
"It's Kawasaki."
And it's gone. [7]
Sorry bud. This Hachiman right here isn't wooing any girl as of the moment.
I kinda feel sorry for Kawasaki though. The mere mention of her name elicited such a reaction from him, but I kinda get why Zaimokuza reacted the way he did. Due to happenstance, Kawasaki became a mutual friend of Zaimokuza, and while he is not as close to her as I am with her, he certainly knows of her no non-sense attitude. That, and he has seen how interactions go. So yeah, he knows how it is with me and Kawasaki.
"Oh… okay."
"Yeah…"
"Pretty serious huh?"
"...yeah."
There was an awkward silence.
Oh bother. Why did it go like this?
I gave Zaimokuza a look that says 'You're the one who caused this! You fix this!' and it seemed to work as he finally broke the silence.
"W-well, as a successful writer, I do believe that I have this ability to discern if one is fit to become a writer too, and, I'm saying not as your friend Hachiman, but as someone who is of position, I can see that you could become a great writer just Iike me. Fufu."
…ah. There's that haughty tone of his again but I can forgive him this time. I already had my time of messing with him and I was pretty pleased with the result. I'd just see it as his passion overflowing resulting to it leaking out. Yeah. Let's go with that.
"...so , how did you start? How do I start?"
"Well well Hachiman, first you need to…"
"I'm home."
"Welcome home onii-chan!"
After that exhausting but admittedly enjoyable consultation I had with Zaimokuza, to be greeted by my loveliest most cutest bestest of best little sister of all little sisters Komachi is just what I need. Ah if only I could be greeted like this whenever I get home for the rest of my-
"Welcome home Senpai!"
Oh. She's here.
…
Why is she here again?
"What's with that look Senpai!? It's as if you don't want to see me!"
"That's because I don't! Why'd you have to ruin a perfect 'welcome home onii-chan' just by being here!? It should only be Komachi who's here to greet me 'welcome home onii-chan'!"
…
"Disgusting onii-chan."
H-hey Komachi, it's true though right? You're the only one who's supposed to greet me home for the rest of my life right? It is one of the things that I look forward to everyday. It's only reasonable for me to demand such a perfect greeting right?
"But Komachi, you know that-"
"S-senpai does not want me here?"
Oh no. She's gonna say it huh?
"SENPAI NO BAKA!"
And there she goes going upstairs, probably to my room. Again. The first time she did it, I was pretty pissed. Scratch that. I was pissed. The subsequent times it happened? I gradually grew numb to it. It's like it's become another routine in my life. Is this what those victims feel when they get afflicted with Stockholm syndrome?
"Sigh… Onii-chan why do you always have to-"
"I know I know. I'll go get her."
And so I head upstairs to go get the fox, but before that, Komachi interrupted with,
"By the way onii-chan, how did it go with Zaimokuza-kun? Or should I say WW-sensei?"
…hm. How should I answer this question?
…
"Let's just say we had a man to man talk."
Zaimokuza Yoshiteru Can Be Depended Upon Too - End
[1] Reference to another Oregairu fanfic I wrote : A Guide to Lonerism
[2] A loose reference to 'The Office' (Jim to Dwight: Bears. Beets. Battle Star Galactica)
[3] Pokemon Series. A text that appears when an attack hits a target that is resistant to it
[4] A Metal Gear Solid: Phantom Pain meme; The actual line is "Why are we still here? Just to suffer?
[5] Castlevania: Symphony of the Night; A play on Dracula's line "It was not by hand that I'm once again given flesh. I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute!"
[6] Another senseless meme. Just search it on Google. Google? More like Bore: Ragnarok! I'll show myself out.
[7] South park meme
A/N. Hey there guys. I know that it's been a long a while, and I'm not even sure if anyone is still reading this fanfic of mine. But hey, I'm back! I finally finished writing another chapter. And it's shorter than the last one, but hey! I tried.
I haven't realized that we're already on the seventh chapter of this fanfic until now. Guess I have to pick up the pace with the next chapter. Time to answer the questions that I posed way back in chapter 1,
Also, no, Yukinoshita Yukino isn't dead in this universe. Keep that in mind.
AnnnnnDDddd to anyone who have read my other fic : Of Loner, Love, and Everything in Between, I only realized that you could consider this fic an indirect sequel to that one. Cool huh?
diceWW out.