Fictober Day 23: "You can't give more than yourself."
"Kuro?"
Said cat sidhe looked up at him, confused and worried. "Yeah?"
Rin was quiet, at first. Didn't meet his familiar's gaze. Then he rolled over on the sheets, now facing the wall, tail hanging limply over the edge of the bed. "Do you ever feel like... you're giving too much? And it still doesn't feel like it's enough?"
A pause. "What do you mean, Rin? You can't give more than yourself."
A sigh, low and soft and dangerously shaky. Like a house of cards that was threatening to collapse. Rin swallowed with difficulty, trying to ignore the knot in his throat. "I mean... actually, I don't know. Never mind."
There were only so many things he could put into words. There were things he couldn't describe. Like the pain of having his friends walk right into his heart and tear it up from the inside. Like the pain of knowing that death stood patiently on the other side of the street, waiting for him to cross. Like the pain of watching his father sacrifice his life for him, sinking deeper and deeper into an abyss of decay and destruction.
And the pain of knowing he was trying his best to keep going, to keep smiling like it didn't bother him but damn it, it was heavy. He felt heavy. Like everything was just pilling on his shoulders, stacking higher and higher, enjoying the feeling of weighing him down.
"It's... it's just a lot, you know?" he whispered in a tight voice.
Kuro leapt onto his hip and made his way up to his shoulder, butting Rin's chin with his head. "It'll be ok someday, Rin. I know it will."
Rin's hand came up to pet the back of Kuro's ears and smiled softly when Kuro trilled in delight. Then he folded his legs up, wrapping his arms around Kuro and seeking comfort in the way that he purred.
"Yeah," he murmured softly. "Someday."