Ch 11: Ancient History
"...So how long have you been here, exactly?"
"I know not. Time has lost meaning in this realm."
"Oh. Well that sounds...unpleasant?"
"Yes."
…
Wow, Horatius, way to keep the conversation riveting and exciting over here. It's not like you're speaking to a primordial Goddess and should be making the best damn impression that you possibly can.
"So...you look curious. Want to ask me a few questions?"
The divine woman's head tilts in a gesture highly reminiscent of Human confusion, tone reserved as she clarifies, "I may ask a question?"
"Um, yeah. Ask away."
Tiamat slowly looks over the imagined terra Irappu and I brought to life, of vibrant greenery, warm sands and placid waters as she kneels gracefully among the reflective liquid.
"This place. Is it real?"
"By real do you mean it exists on Earth?"
A simple nod, chained hands resting in her lap in seeming disregard for her nudity, of how a curvaceous chest is accentuated by the way her limbs are forced together.
"If it does, I don't know about it. The grasses could be found in any healthy soil but the trees are ones usually found far away from my homeland. The sand and lake are just products of my imagination, if water exists that's as calm as these I have yet to find it."
"...It is beautiful."
"Oh. Thank you."
An awkward silence falls as the Goddess continues to sedately observe her surroundings with little apparent care for my presence.
…
"Is...is that it?"
"No, I have more questions. May I ask them?"
"Of course. I thought I'd already specified that..."
Yet again ignoring my comment Tiamat locks those hypnotic pink eyes of hers onto my own, inquiring, "Do you possess a method to release me from this cage?"
…
"That's...a bit of a loaded question. What would be your goal if I did?"
"I would resume my natural duty, and birth anew beings that would populate this beautiful Earth that you have shown me."
...Fuck, nice going, me.
"Well, you see, there are kinda already people on said Earth, people that have lives and desires of their own. I'm assuming they wouldn't have a place in this new world of yours?"
Of all things a frightened expression appears on her flawless features, tone guarded as she responds, "Humanity discarded me. Prayed to other Gods as I was locked away. They...have forgotten their mother. Thus, I will forget them."
…
Wonderful. Our all powerful mother finally realizes that we've been bad children and decides to do as the lion does. Kill the cubs and start over.
Swallowing nervously I offer up the closest thing to a consoling smile I can, remarking, "So I guess my days are numbered, aren't they?"
"You are not Human."
"Ok, I'm not sure why I'm arguing this but I really am a Human."
The Goddess doesn't react other to squint her eyes, as if trying to examine me on a deeper level.
Ok, here goes...I'm going to have to turn down an extraordinarily powerful Goddess while still behind bars with her...you better fucking say thank you, Humanity.
"But, no. I can't let you free, Tiamat. Not if you're going to erase Humanity off the face of the planet."
I ready myself to run, to fight-yeah, fight, SURE-to beg for my life...and nothing happens.
All that occurs is that the Sumerian Goddess sags where she kneels, eyes downcast and visibly despairing.
…
Not the reaction I was expecting. By the Emperor's balls I can't believe I'm going to ask the next words to come out of my mouth. I must have a death wish…
"Erm, Tiamat? You're obviously not too happy about what I just said, soooo...why are you not smiting me, or anything along those lines?"
"What purpose would that serve? All I would do is end a life with no means of replacing it."
"Ah. Well, thank you."
"Your thanks are unneeded and unappreciated."
The words are full of bitterness and dejection, my immediate instinct being to apologize...except I don't think this is the kind of thing one can make up for with words alone.
...Fuck. Now what? Do I just get up and leave?
That would be the smart thing to do, just walk away and don't look back...but I can't.
Because right in front of me is someone who's been chained, their freedom stripped and desires crushed by simple reality.
I know what that's like. Just how soul-destroying of an experience it can be.
"I might be-"
"May...may I make a request?"
My jaw clacks shut, polite nod of my head indicating for her to continue.
"Will you stay here? And tell me of the world outside?"
"I can't stay here all the time...but yes. I'd be more than happy to tell you of the planet and all that occurs on it, Tiamat"
It's a strange thing, to see such a tender and fragile smile on a being that by most metrics is a mountain compared to my ant…but what am I supposed to say, no?
…
This is a terrible idea. A horrible, horrible idea. I should flee and never return, lest I inadvertently provide a means of her returning to the world and dooming everyone upon it. She settled for a compromise but how long is that going to hold? My very presence is an avenue to freedom.
…
But there's something about that smile, that simple, grateful curve of her lips that compels me to stay.
"Well, if I'm going to start someplace...how about I show you the city of Rome?"
"You were gone for a long time."
"Sorry, the years flew by and home has been undergoing some tumultuous times..."
"You speak of Rome?"
Retaking my customary position on the opposite side of the sandbank as Tiamat gracefully lowers herself onto the water's surface, legs tucked beneath her and tail lightly curling in anticipation.
"Yeah, it just split into two distinct pieces, East and West. Factor in attacks on the different parts of the border by raiders, money isn't worth shit and I suppose the decision makes sense...division of labor, reduction of territory to patrol, things like that."
"Your people are being attacked? So your enemies desire new grounds to forage and breed?"
I halt, unsure if that's the best way to put things. From a baseline perspective she's not wrong-most conflict I've witnessed typically results from population pressure-but it's still a bit of an oversimplification.
"Not precisely. Some of our enemies have grievances other than simple desire for resources. Disagreements over culture, religion...there are a myriad of reasons."
It's the Goddess's turn to frown in confusion, tone honestly bewildered as she asks, "Your kind fight for reasons aside from survival?"
"On occasion? I used to fight and kill for entertainment value. While I may have been doing so for survival others saw the battle as amusement. And we sometimes simply don't like another individual, enough so that we engage or attempt to murder."
The most honest look of distress I've seen to date appears on Tiamat's features, tone distraught as she asks, "But...why? The predator slaughters the prey so that it and its brood do not starve. The prey forages and strips the land for the same reason. Greenery blossoms and spreads for no purpose other than a simple wish to continue the cycle...why would you disrupt that balance out of, of spite? Of pointless bloodlust?"
I pause to think my words over carefully...and can only shrug once all is said and done.
"I don't know, Tiamat. Because that is how Humans, too, survive."
Blatant pity and sadness colors the woman's features and tone.
"How terrible for you."
I fight back a wince as I realize I just did a rather piss poor job of explaining Human nature to the Mother Earth Goddess...but what else am I supposed to do?
Lie?
"You are back sooner than you usually are, Horatius."
A brief stab of guilt hits as I realize I yet again left the Goddess alone for almost eight years on end...I blame my Origin. But on the plus side I have countless more stories and artifacts to share with her.
"Hopefully this will make it up to you, Tiamat...here, feast your eyes on this."
From over my back I sling forward a plain canvas bag, a rather unique specimen of magecraft that I bartered from a Magus in exchange for some usage of Gradiation Air to properly form some basic catalysts he needed for an experiment...one's that could only be located in the land across the ocean, lands difficult to explore even for those with the art of magecraft.
Simply put it's a bag of complete isolation. Anything put inside will be kept safe from practically any kind of outside tampering, even the journey across realms wouldn't ruin it.
There are trade offs, granted. It can only fit a few things inside-it's not particularly large-and items can become crushed as if it was just any normal container...but for my specific purposes, right this moment, it's perfect.
A quick undoing of the laces that signal the activation of the Mystic Code allows me to reach inside and present a bevy of items to the curious Goddess.
Namely, that of food.
Honey-glazed bread fresh from the bakeries of Rome, apples from the surrounding territories, walnuts from the plantations and dried cherries alongside a bottle of wine for something a bit tarter in nature.
"...What are these?"
"These, Tiamat, are something I got specifically for you. I figure you don't actually need to eat but taste is always reason enough."
She tilts her head in that familiar gesture that denotes genuine confusion, vibrant eyes blinking innocently as she murmurs, "I have never consumed food before...there was never any need."
"Well not only are you missing out but you can go ahead and rectify that issue right this very moment. Go on, try some!"
Looking for all the world like a bewildered child the Goddess tenderly reaches outwards, hesitantly picking up a singular walnut before bringing it to perfect lips-
-and she immediately stiffens, draconic tail standing straight before waving excitedly in such an honest display of enjoyment that I can't help but chuckle.
"I take it you like them, eh?"
"These...are quite good. May I have the rest?"
"That's why I brought them."
There's no stopping the heartfelt smile that tugs at my lips as Tiamat gracefully yet exuberantly begins sampling the various foods, seeming to enjoy the dried cherries in particular.
"Here, you've always requested to learn more about Humanity, take a look at these."
Employing a bit of Gradation Air I manifest two objects of particular interest, the newly christened coins with Emperor Charlemagne's likeness and the blatantly copied painting of the newly constructed Great Canals of China.
"This coin right here, it's of Emperor Charlemagne. Probably the first man to come close to restoring Rome to the glory it held almost a millennia ago. A lot of people are in support of him, guy is pushing a lot of smart reforms that has the population eager for a change. And, as usual, some aren't. Christ or die typically doesn't sit well with those who don't believe in the Son of God..."
Tiamat carefully swallows the dainty chunk of bread she had been nibbling, reaching out with her fingers to take the coin and causing a small jolt to travel up my arm at the brief contact.
That physically manifested Divine Graph of hers is always a shock. Literally.
Inspecting the denier with a critical gaze the Goddess slowly asks, "This man, Charlemagne...is he of great importance in the world?"
"He is."
"So...he is a pack leader. One who seeks out new territory and tells the pack to take it from the ones there previously."
"Not a bad comparison. But he also spoke to other packs and reached accords with them. Think the African Oxpecker, which will eat ticks and other bugs off the back of a larger animal."
I pause before chuckling.
"Although sometimes the thing will just drink from a bloody wound already put in place. Not all mutual relationships are equally mutual."
Tiamat nods in understanding, slowly slipping a cherry past her lips in a motion that isn't meant to be seductive but has my heart speeding up regardless.
Focus, fool.
"Humans are...something I believe I can comprehend. Yet I do not understand why they cast me aside...I was an asset, a being that could protect and make their lives easier...now I must destroy them before they destroy me."
…
It's never a pleasant thing, to be reminded of the inescapable nature of the Goddess before me, sadly enjoying presents I gave to her because, well, there's no one else.
I change the subject.
"This painting, of the canals? To call them incredible would be an understatement."
Employing our joined powers of terra imagination the landscape shifts from its beachfront setting to one of endless agricultural fields, sloping Earth and bustling towns, a constant line of artificial construction brining irrigation to provinces that normally would have no hope of growing anything substantial.
"The Great Canals...stretching from Jiangsu to Beijing, a distance that took me quite a while to walk in its entirety."
The Sumerian Goddess stares without so much as a blink at the scene, pink orbs perfectly following the curve of Human design with an unreadable expression.
"Here, the painting is almost as impressive as the engineering itself. Take a look."
I hand the scroll containing the immaculate artwork towards the Goddess...and she doesn't take it, instead affixing me with a head tilt as I return the gesture with equal confusion-
-and a small shift of her weight has the Goddess carefully sidling up alongside me, eyes averted as all I can do is stare, the distance between us that's held for centuries evaporating in the span of seconds.
Before I know it she's kneeling right beside me, gaze averted as one of her majestic horns lightly brushes my shoulder with what I swear is shy movements.
"...May we view it together?"
The warmth that slowly spreads throughout my body is as addictive as it is dangerous.
"Of course."
"Horatius?"
I slowly turn my eyes in Tiamat's direction, wincing as I realize I've been ignoring her for the past...however long its been.
"Sorry, my mind was wandering."
"Something has bothered you."
A statement of fact, not a question. One I don't want to answer.
"It's...nothing. Don't worry about it."
Silence emanates from the Sumerian Goddess as I fixate my gaze on the collection of paper money, mechanical clocks and coffee beans scattered about, desiring nothing more than to resume my explanation of them.
"You are distressed."
"Just some trouble back home, it'll sort itself out. It always does."
I flinch as slim, powerful fingers lightly set themselves on my arm, the material of her Divine Graph sending charges of power racing throughout my nerves in pleasurable tingles.
"Do you not trust me to listen?"
"I just..."
A trembling sigh escapes my lungs, eyes drifting shut.
"My wife and unborn child are dead."
The fingers jerk as if in shock-a strange emotion for a Goddess to have, but Tiamat is nothing if not surprising-before resuming their grip with primal intensity.
"How?"
"Mongol raiding party. They've been sweeping across the land and I should have known they would be targeting Austria...but I didn't. I thought Wiener Neudstadt would be safe and my family paid the price. Most Mongols aren't kind to prisoners or people who can't fight back."
"...Why were you not there, to protect your newborn?"
"Because I wasn't. My Origin...trying to fight it never ends well. I had to leave and explore so that I could be there during the first few weeks when my child was born without going insane."
The hand removes itself, a side glance causing me to flinch as Tiamat's expression is the closest to disappointed I've ever seen it.
"The greatest folly a parent can commit is to abandon their child, when they should be the first to defend them."
"And what would you know about it?!"
Grief and rage takes over, my hand grabbing a fistful of the money and waving it in her face.
"You didn't know a damn thing about Humans until I explained it all to you! And now you're telling me how I should act?!"
The air turns a crimson and midnight shade, the Sumerian Goddess's rage matching my own as the Divine Graph takes on a bloody shade, normally placid and subdued mannerisms replaced with overwhelming fury.
"What would I know of it?! I remember seeing my husband fall to the treachery of the other Gods, of them using me as a glorified breeder to create a civilization of Humans that would worship them and only them, subsequently casting me aside and imprisoning me in a lightless Hell!"
The air reeks of madness and power, her eyes flashing with old grief, loss and betrayal.
"I know what your kind have done, Horatius! Do not speak to me of Human nature when I have experienced the worst of it!"
I match her gaze, uncaring of her past-
-and all my frustration and grief bleeds away, leaving only a hollow emptiness behind.
"You're right...I'm sorry."
The ominous atmosphere disappears as quickly as it came, Tiamat sagging with old trauma clear to hear in her words.
"As am I...you are grieving, I should not have chastised you so."
"You were only following your nature...as always."
I feel like an ass as she looks away at that last utterance, her inescapable proclivities still a sore subject.
"You wife...what was she like?"
I can't help but blink at the abrupt change in tone, at the simple honesty in her query...but accept the question anyway, thinking about it for a moment before replying, "Lena was...a simple girl with simple desires. She was the sole daughter of a chandler after her mother died early. Her father had developed health problems when she was twelve, overworking himself in trying to both do his job and raise her at the same time."
A pained smile crosses my expression.
"Being nothing if not headstrong and stubborn as Hell she began to learn the craft, despite it not being her place as a woman to learn her father's trade. Thankfully most people-even the religious ones-didn't raise too much of a stink about it. There was no son, her father was well respected and most of the community liked her as well. And people needed the light they provided. The most she had to deal with was the occasional snide comment."
Tiamat seems oddly intrigued by my tale, hands in her lap and legs tucked in a posture I've come to recognize as one that denotes rapt attention.
"We met when I was passing through the town, running into each other by chance. She was struggling to transport some metal casings and I figured I could help. We struck up a conversation, ended up talking the afternoon and night away...and that was that."
I have to focus on my hands, lightly flexing and intertwining my fingers.
"She was an interesting one. Always excited to hear about my adventures and the places I saw...but never quite had the courage to travel with me, likely living vicariously through my stories and recollections. And, most importantly, she never minded my wanderings. Heh, I never had the courage to ask why, most of the time that particular aspect of my Origin was what brought an end to the relationship."
The sand makes for an interesting object to distract me from my memories.
"Eventually I began to ignore basic common sense, talking of marriage despite the fact that I would never age, that I would likely outlive my children's children...and we did. A year after her father died we joined hands in the purview of the church and began our life together. I was never hurting for money thanks to my myriad talents so we financial struggles weren't an issue...and the whole deal with being immortal ended up not being a problem, funnily enough."
Something hard and lumpy rises up in my throat.
"I came back with weeks to spare, just in case my baby boy or girl decided to come out early...and there Lena was. Cut open with the fetus sprawled out in the dirt, resting amid viscera and other innards."
A series of cracks echo across the landscape as my hands tighten, unable to continue with the story.
"...What did you do to those who killed your mate and child?"
"Slaughtered them, obviously. It was a raiding party of maybe a few thousand and they were easy enough to find."
An empty smile pulls at my lips, the memory of jeering voices and laughter as one man stalked towards a group of thousands...and less than five minutes later hundreds laid butchered, the rest running as if the Devil himself was pursuing them.
I'd call it satisfying, if I hadn't felt just as hollow after the fact as I did before.
Tiamat remains silent, eyes downcast and an aura of regret surrounding her.
…
Why is she sad? My stupidity and failures aren't hers.
"You have experienced much pain."
"Probably not any less than yours, really...and my losses were brought about by foolish and irresponsible decisions, not the plots and planned betrayals that afflicted you."
"But the pain is the same regardless."
"I suppose it is..."
An empty silence builds between us-
-and my eyes fly open as Tiamat suddenly engulfs me in a warm embrace, bringing my head to her chest as one of those sinfully comforting hands begins to stroke my hair.
"You are grieving, Horatius. But I too am immortal and know of your pain...you need not restrain or hide yourself in my company."
Tears begin to blur my vision, arms desperately encircling her trim waist as a draconic tail caresses my body.
"Tiamat? If I could find a way to divorce you from your desire to remake all of Humanity...would you come back with me? We're both immortal-or as close to it as we can be-and...I could show you all the places I've been! The world is ever changing and it's not like we would ever be bored!"
I haul myself upwards so that I can meet her gaze from a level position, growing hope flaring to life in my chest as I ask, "Well, what do you think?"
Her expression is nothing short of thunderstruck, tone hesitant as she asks, "You...you would do that?"
"Of course I would! It'll be a hard search but I'm nothing if not well travelled. This is something we can do!"
An expression of such tender hope and desire appears on the Goddess's features that triumph roars to life in my chest, a winning smile pulling at my lips.
"I...I never dared to hope, that such an offer would ever be made. This is not a trick? A cruel deception?"
Smile turns to smirk as I grab her chained hands in my own, ignoring the familiar numbness that accompanies such an action.
"Would I lie? Well, maybe, but not to you."
At last it appears, her cautious and frightened smile that speaks volumes about how she truly feels, fingers curling within mine.
"Very well...I shall await your discovery."
Lost in those blindingly pink orbs with exotic pupils I feel a rush of boldness, of daring and affection as I move my hands to her exposed back, silken skin and a thin waist easily acquiescing to my finger's grip as I pull the surprised Goddess close-
-and my lips meet hers, a burst of such intense flavor that I become lost in it.
Saltiness of the ocean, sweetness of a woman and tang of exoticism, the Sumerian deity frozen at the abruptness of my action...and with a soft, loving sigh from her nostrils she leans into my embrace, restrained hands brushing past my chest to cup my face with infinite gentleness, fuzzy haze of this woman's Divine Graph adding to the already considerable enjoyment of her sinfully pliable lips as they mesh against mine.
My grief is quickly forgotten as I lean forward, pushing her to the shallow water beneath as our kiss is broken, an infinite moment passing as our gazes meet.
…
I failed Lena, I'm not going to fail Tiamat.
"You are filled with grief once more, Horatius."
Collapsing heavily onto the sand Tiamat's worried tone barely even reaches me, my hands still stained with congealed and infected blood, mind filled with Charlotte's pale and twisted expression, dull eyes sunken and bloodshot while flies buzzed across the ruptured pustule on her leg, staining tanned skin with corrupted lifeblood.
...For all the power and lethality magecraft and its practitioners can wield, it's easy to forget that sometimes nature itself is rather adept at killing Humans.
This fucking Black Death…
"Sorry...I'm a little...off kilter right now."
"What has occurred?"
It's a good minute before I reply, using the imagined sand of the beach to clean off my all too real hands, leaving ugly streaks in the otherwise pristine grains.
"A plague. Probably the worst I've ever seen in all my years. It...it killed Charlotte, when we were trying to fix it."
Tiamat's tone contains naught but understanding.
"Ahh...your wife?"
"More like my friend. One of the few who could actually sympathize with my existence and its demands."
My sidelong glance doesn't reveal any manner of disbelief or jealousy on the Goddess's features, only sympathy and understanding.
"Had you devoted greater time and effort to freeing me from this prison and my own nature, this would not have occurred. I would have been able to wipe this disease from the face of the planet in a matter of hours."
My mood darkens at her words, knowing just how right she is and that I had become distracted-as always-during the intervening years. Wandering the Earth, exploring new vistas and this latest stint, aiding Charlotte in trying to find a cure for the Black Death.
"I know. I know..."
An uneasy silence descends, eventually broken by Tiamat asking, "You spoke of your wife as being your friend...did you not love her? Else why would you taker her as your mate?"
A wince crosses my expression, not in the mood to delve yet again into the ever shifting landscape of Human cultural values and standards.
Charlotte had been a second-generation Magus of little talent or power but strong moral fiber. She had practiced what little magecraft was taught to her by both her father and myself, deciding to travel the world and attempt to heal it of the Black Death after it killed her family using her craft.
We had only ever been friends rather than lovers, but a woman posing as a doctor with more than a few overtones of sorcery in the background, when religious fervor was at its peak across Europe?
She would have been executed within a week. Thus, we had married and agreed to post any discoveries she made under my name. It was an arrangement that worked splendidly. We began to make some headway in discovering the source and method of infection in our travels, Charlotte's understanding of my Origin ensuring we never stayed in one place for too long while we could talk of almost any subject we desired, being a part of both the Moonlit World and the mundane.
And then she had contracted the plague just like the people she had been trying to aid, my subpar abilities not enough to save her...only grant a swift and painless death.
One more link lost to the ravages of time and a mortal body.
"It's complicated."
The Sumerian Goddess doesn't seem pleased at that explanation but lets the matter drop, my eyes narrowing in suspicion.
She's never once displayed disapproval or jealousy, despite my many relationships. Is this another facet of Humanity she doesn't fully understand...or does she just not view love the same way I do?
"Tiamat? Why do you never seem upset that I'm, well...here you are, imprisoned, while I walk free, forming relationships of all manner and intensity yet you don't chastise me for it, only for my stalled attempts in freeing you."
My jaw sets itself as I ask the question.
"Do you...understand love the way I do? Or have I been deceiving myself this entire time about the nature of our connection?"
Those beautiful, exotic pink eyes lock onto my own, features wiped clean of expression.
"You believe I do not love you?"
"Not in the way I thought you did. Why else would you be so amenable and unconcerned with the fact that I'm traveling the world, finding love and friendship while you languish here?"
A moment of silence greets me.
"...You believe I do not understand the concept of love? I will have to show you in a way Humans comprehend, then."
"What do you-"
I'm lightly pushed onto my back before I can protest otherwise, my clothes suddenly removed from my body in a twist of conceptual intent that I have no control over, Tiamat approaching me with her draconic tail lashing through the air with playful whistles.
"Tiamat, I don't-"
"Physical intimacy is a consummation of love, is it not? That is why Humans perform it on the night of their weddings, correct?"
"That's part of it, but-"
"Then allow me to show you that I know how to love, Horatius."
Fingers that tingle with intrinsic energy and possess enough strength to snap me in half tenderly caress my growing length, my teeth gritting at the sight and sensation of a literal Goddess sensually stroking my cock.
"Tia, this isn't-"
"Tia? I like that...Tia."
A low moan escapes my lips as she breathily whispers the unintentional nickname, flawless lips and burning tongue slowly descending on my girth as my hands instinctively fly to her magnificent horns, grasping them tightly before my hips begin to automatically buck, arms flexing in a motion that bobs her head deeper and deeper, swallowing my length with more and more passionate moans of excitement.
…
I'm taking advantage of her. Using her body to distract me from my loss when I could instead be searching for a way to free her.
And as I use those sculpted horns as leverage to slam the Goddess onto her back, chained legs thrust over her head so that her brilliant pink flower is laid bare before me, aqua hair splayed outwards like an ocean flower bed all I can really think is one particular thought.
I'm so fucked up.
"It's pointless."
"No. It's not."
"Five centuries, if not more. And I haven't found a damn thing. If there's any information to be found it's locked away where I'll never be able to find it or died with its possessors. I know where to look to find secrets and there's nothing, Tia."
The Goddess wavers for a moment, eventually steeling herself as she coldly proclaims, "No. Admitting there is nothing means that is exactly what you shall find."
I weakly collapse onto the sandbar, massaging my temples in a vain attempt to do away with the headache that never seems to go away these days.
The world marches on at an ever increasing pace and with it the amount of people who reside within it, a growing number of individuals who would begin to notice that I never age occupying it.
What am I going to do, walk into the Magus Association? They'd put me in a prison far underground and never let me leave, assuming they were feeling merciful enough to not just butcher me outright for research purposes.
...I'm getting old. And not for the first time in the past few centuries I find myself wondering if I made a mistake in merging with Irappu, of granting myself an immortal life that I wasn't prepared for.
A light touch on the arm signifies Tiamat's approach, the Sumerian Goddess staring at me with open concern, a far cry from the usual impassivity or distance she used to display.
The many years of interacting with her have taught the Goddess how to understand and emulate Human emotions...and quite frankly it's probably one of the cruelest things I could have done to her.
"You are tired. Come, I have missed your presence and-"
My hands set themselves on her shawl-covered shoulders, deceptively thin despite the power she contains as I keep her from advancing.
To fuck right now would be...I can only sink so low. I've been sating my desires with this willing beauty for years without so much as a single complaint from her...and I can't even fulfill one damn promise.
"Not right now, Tia. I'm not in the mood."
The clear distress she displays-no doubt because I've never turned down an opportunity to lay with her-causes my heart to lurch but she acquiesces nonetheless, tail anxiously scraping across the water's surface, voice barely above a whisper as she asks, "What...what ails you? You have never been so dejected and defeated before."
"I'm tired. That's all. All this fruitless searching and exploring while the world moves on around me...it's beating me down."
An uncomfortable silence grows between us until I sigh, asking, "I've done what I can. Haven't you tried anything while in here? Attempted to break free from your compulsions? You've had the time."
There's a clear note of defensiveness in the normally composed woman's tone.
"I cannot divorce myself from my compulsions anymore than you can resist the call of your Origin, Horatius."
"Except I can resist my Origin's call, for a time. What about you? You're a Primordial Being, are you telling me you can't fight off your own compulsions for even a second?"
"Were I to lapse for even a moment-"
"I found ways to work around my Origin's demands, to reduce its effectiveness. Why can't you?"
Frustration builds in my heart, years upon years of stress and set aside loneliness spilling out on the one person who doesn't deserve it.
And in what shouldn't be a surprise to anyone, least of all myself, real anger begins to gather in her gaze, Divine Graph and waters surrounding her flashing ominously with crimson and midnight streamers.
"Do not liken my divine mandate and compulsion to your simple urges to wander the land with no destination in sight! Can you even comprehend what this Hell is like?!"
She rises from the lake like some murderous Fae, liquid streaming from her knees in a vortex of force as she glares down at me with despairing fury.
"To have the one soul that staved off my insanity and loneliness look at me with caution and fear, knowing that despite wanting nothing more than to be free of this burning desire to remake the world I can never do so?!"
I jump to my feet, temper flaring at her self-wallowing pity.
"Have you ever even tried?! Or have you just been content to sit in this world, letting the mortal do all the work like every other fucking God in existence?!"
…
A single, bloody tear leaks down her pale skin, lips parting in disbelief.
"...Leave."
Something cold immediately settles in my gut, realization at what I just said hitting like a bucket of ice water.
"Tia, I-"
"LEAVE! YOU THINK OF ME A LEECH, AN OVERBEARING GOD?! THEN I RELEASE YOU FROM MY SERVICE, HORATIUS!"
A whirlwind of inexorable force picks me up and hurls me across the domain of our mutual making, my desperate attempts to summon up Irappu's power to resist the assault fruitless as the darkness between worlds suffuses my senses.
Fucking DAMMIT!
Rage at both Tiamat and myself powers Irappu's conceptual blow, a battering ram of force that hurls us at the boundary of the domain that contains the Sumerian Goddess-
-and we're rebuffed with a blow that rattles my soul, disbelief coursing through my intangible form at the fact that I've been locked away from fixing probably the worst mistake I've ever made.
…
That was the last time I ever saw her.
A gloved hand tightly grips my arm, snapping me out of my recollections with a start as Scáthach sends a worried look in my direction, trembling sigh leaking past my lips as I realize I'd gotten lost in the tale, memories spilling forth without pause or filter as I can recall events with crystal clarity, despite my attempts to do away with them.
"Sorry, I...didn't mean to ramble."
Tobio and Dulio are the most obviously upset by my tale, expressions of sympathy clear to see. Even Vali, the self-proclaimed battle junkie, appears somewhat subdued by my story.
They should direct that pity elsewhere, I'm not the one who needs it.
My body instinctively jerks as soft fingers brush underneath my eye, muted surprise coursing through me as Gilgamesh wipes away a tear, no pity to be found in her expression, only a sort of tired understanding.
"You poor, poor fool. Why would you devote yourself to healing the heart of a Goddess long gone mad? And then form an attachment when only heartache would be the result of such a union? Affections between Mortal and Divine never end well for any party involved, I would have thought you of all people, carrying an aspect of Gaia within, would understand this."
A sick, humorless smile crawls across my lips.
"The same reason I kept getting attached to people who would die a mortal death, who would never understand my Origin or my abilities...because I was just a lonely idiot."
I suppose it's a measure of how much respect I've earned from the Queen of Heroes that she doesn't laugh at such a pathetic statement, instead going so far as to crouch before me to stare directly into my eyes, tone steady as she states, "So you were. But that doesn't mean you should feel regret for a mad Goddess's whims and eventual abandonment, mortals are something they will never truly understand."
My eyes drift close, tone neutral.
"You're speaking from personal bias, Gilgamesh...what I did to Tiamat was one of the cruelest possible things I could have inflicted on another person. To give a prisoner who longs to be free, to allow a shackled individual hope...and then to rip it away from them in a moment of foolish rage. I know what it's like to be tied down with no alternative but to fight, to keep praying that one day this sedentary hell is broken away from. I managed to win my freedom with no outside help, but..."
A lump rises in my throat, eyes screwing themselves shut.
"Can you even begin to imagine how terrible a thing it is that I did? I came out of nowhere, spent more than a millennia with her, slowly becoming her accomplice, then a friend then a lover, promised that I would grant her both of our fondest wishes...and then I betrayed her, blamed her for my own shortcomings when she could do nothing but rely on me, a situation I engineered."
I force myself to meet the crimson gaze of the Heroic Spirit.
"What would you have done, had Enkidu cursed your name and decried your friendship when it was afflicted with the god's punishment?"
I half expect fury from the Queen, to so brazenly speak of events that weren't experienced by me...and instead a quiet sigh leaves the golden-haired youth, eyes viewing the surrounding landscape with a distant expression.
"...You're a fool, Gladiator."
"That I am."
Silence falls, Scáthach wordlessly setting her head on my shoulder in a silent gesture of companionship as the moments stretches.
"Erm, Horatius-san? If you don't mind me asking, what happened afterwards? You sounded as if you were in a...well, a bad place."
A small, small smile graces my lips as my hand strokes the sleeping Altera's face, Scáthach's fingers interlacing with my own as Gilgamesh deigns to sit beside me and view the proceedings with quiet regality.
"I was saved. By a man that would become my closest friend and then two women who gave me hope for a future."
The slightest hints of teasing color my voice.
"Still working on the third."
A chuckle leaves the Lord of Spirits, Gilgamesh snorting in contempt as she pointedly gazes away from me, the gesture oddly playful.
…
I can't let myself dwell on the past forever. If that recent appearance from Tiamat means anything said past is about to come to a head, our bitter parting set aside in favor of the present and whatever will come of it.
And this time, I won't have to face it alone.
This is some Heavy shit...but the fact that I was able to upload in only two weeks instead of half a year is a plus! I think I rediscovered my muse with this story and am on a rampage of writing, so who knows? Maybe this one will be finished before long?
...
Oops, there I go again, saying things that almost certainly won't end up being true -_-