How Penn got Birthday Cakes from Shelly

"Shelly?" Penn entered Apartment 4a. "Why did I receive an invitation for your brother's wedding?" He waved the letter around dramatically in front of her face.

The theoretical physicist slumped in her spot. "Because I've verified with my mom that I'd bring a plus one to his wedding." She whined, "It's so unfair, why do I even have to bring a plus one? It's not like I'm the one going to marry."

"And you told your mom that you'd bring me?" Penn asked incredulously. "Take someone else. I'm sure Leonard would be happy..."

"I can't take Leonard," Shelly replied categorically.

Penn waited for an explanation. When none was offered, he asked, "And why can't you take Leonard?"

"He was my 'date'" Shelly added air quotes to the word, "for my sister's wedding. If he is my 'date' for a second wedding, Pastor Jeff will tell us to finally get married ourselves."

"Well," Penn could understand why Shelly did not want to hear that. "I guess you'll have to go on your own then."

"I can't! Mom wrote explicitly it wouldn't be a problem if I came on my own."

"There you go!" Penn said in relief.

"Because she'd find me someone from church to attend the ceremony with me!" Shelly shuddered dramatically. "Maybe even Billy."

"But…"

"Look. I don't want to go too. I know it's a waste of time." Shelly suddenly jumped from her spot on the couch, "But even my brother's second wedding counts as a non-optional social convention. If he keeps going at this rate I'm going to attend twelve more weddings of his before this is over!" She threw her arms up and stormed out of the room.

"Damn non-optional social conventions!" Leonard said cheerily.

"I won't go!" Penn answered firmly.

Somehow, non-optional social conventions had become a thing for Penn too. He did not understand how or when but at a scheduled date he found himself in Texas. Shelly's mom was sitting at the head of the table. Missy sat right next to her and was leaning over the list in her mom's hands. Shelly sat opposite of her twin sister. Her arms were crossed in defiance. Penn sat next to her and felt clueless. He still tried to figure out how he had owed Shelly the favor she had called in.

"Shelly's task is to make the cake," Mary announced. Aimed at Penn she said, "Your job will be to help her. Driving her to the store to get ingredients and so on."

"Shelly can bake?" Penn asked in disbelief.

The list in front of Mrs. Cooper's nose got lowered. "Every female Cooper can bake," Mary stated categorically. "But... Shelly was gifted with the ability to make the most heavenly bakery you'll ever find."

"Really?" It was hard to believe. He had never seen Shelly cook anything – or bake for that matter.

"Shelly had a lot of opportunities to learn how to do it right." Missy grinned from ear to ear. "I can't remember even a single week without her baking at least one cake."

Penn frowned. Something about the way Missy said it was off.

"Every time she had to apologize for something she also had to bake an I-am-sorry-cake," The way Missy said it summoned the mental picture of her watching her twin while she had to bake.

Penn smirked. "You owe me a lot of cakes."

"That's a rule only applied in Texas." Shelly gasped in panic. "It's not a California rule!"

Mary send her a withering glare, "Shelly what did you do?"

"Nothing!" In an attempt to change topics she asked, "How many people are going to come to George's wedding anyway?"

Wonders never cease! Mary looked back at the list. "One hundred eight..."

"… twelve!" Missy added after checking her smartphone.

Shelly mewled, "That's five times as many as last time."

"We're all aware of that, Shelly," Mary said evenly. "Your brother invited not only family but friends this time as he can afford a bigger wedding."

Soon after their war council, Penn got the keys for a car and fulfilled the first half of his task by driving Shelly around town.

When they returned Mary had dinner ready. Shelly was ecstatic as her mom had spaghetti with hot dogs ready for them. Afterward, she broke the news to them, "Penn you can sleep in Missy's bed."

"No, he can't!" Shelly gasped in shock. "Missy's bed is in my room."

"It's our room," Missy butted in.

"But you'll be sleeping at your place and I'll be sleeping in my room."

"Yes, I'm sleeping at my place. But it's still our room."

"He can't sleep in my room. We would be sleeping in the same room," Shelly looked at her mom.

Missy rolled her eyes. "There are separate beds."

"But I'm a… and he..." Shelly stuttered.

It was almost comical for Penn. Too bad, that the joke was on his expanse. Spending a night in the same room as Shelly would probably be very taxing.

The next day was spend with baking cake and pie. They made so much it was ridiculous. Penn wondered who was supposed to eat all the stuff until he licked the icing from a spatula when Shelly was looking the other way. He instantly decided to seize as many leftovers as possible.

Around noon the bride-to-be came around. Her name was Ann. She had blond hair, wore cock bottle glasses and an honest smile on her face. Between Penn and the three Cooper women, she was by far the smallest person in the kitchen. "You must be Shelly! I've heard so much about you."

Penn saw Ann's arms twitch. He was pretty sure that she wanted to hug Shelly but had been told enough to suppress the urge.

"Yes, that's Shelly," Missy confirmed. "Shelly, that's Ann. ..." And then Missy rattled on and started talking to Ann. She gave her twin sister not even an opportunity to say hello.

On the day of the wedding, once more crucial information was imparted on Penn, "Your job will be to keep Shelly from annoying too many people." Missy's phone beeped. She glanced at it and rolled her eyes in annoyance. Without looking up and while texting somebody, she said, "It would probably be good if you acted a little bit out of place. We told Shelly that she's supposed to keep you company so you don't run into any problems with Texans."

"And she believed that?"

"It was just a matter of selling it to her," Missy winked at him. "I implied that there were other tasks she could take over if she thought you would be alright on a party where you knew nobody. Surprisingly, she offered to keep you company."

The moment of truths came to an abrupt end when Mary and Shelly entered the room. "You should really let your hair grow longer."

"No, I don't want that," Shelly whined, "It tickles."

"Shelly, I also want you to dance with Pen," Mary said suddenly. "That's what those dancing lessons were meant for."

"But mo-om," Shelly whined in that petulant manner Penn had witnessed so many times over the past days.

"Don't you talk back to me," Mary said sternly.

Hours later, Shelly held her hand out to Penn with a huff. He took it and was surprised quite a bit. Shelly could dance. And it was nice to do so on top of it. She was tall and thus Penn had not to bend down. She was also quite apt at following his lead. Even her usual awkwardness was forgotten. A raised arm and a small tap made her twirl almost like a professional dancer.

Back on a plane to California Shelly hissed, "Don't you dare to tell anybody we shared a room. Or that I can dance. Or that I can bake. Or that I'm required to bake apology cakes in Texas."

"If I found a cake once in a while on my threshold I might be willing to lie to our mutual friends."

"Nothing of that would qualify as a lie! We're merely not imparting some facts."

"You know," Penn mused, "I know the date of your birthday."

Shelly gasped in shock, "No, you don't!"

"I do. Your sister told me."

"No, she didn't! She can't. She promised to never tell anybody."

"Technically, she told me the date of her birthday but since you're twins..."

Shelly's eyes widened when she realized the giant loophole she had overlooked. Penn could only shake his head in disbelieve and remember how hard Missy had laughed when she had told the story behind the promise to Penn.

"You can't tell anybody!" Shelly urged him. "I don't want any presents. If I get presents I have to supply presents as well."

"Oh, don't worry. I'm not telling anybody."

Shelly breathed a sigh of relief.

"But I'm going to bake you a birthday cake. It won't be very good but you'll still be required to bake me one in return."

"No!" Shelly gasped when she recognized the quid pro quo argument. She had used it on Penn to bully him into accompanying her. "You can't do that, everyone will know."

"Well, the alternative is that you bake me a birthday cake without me having to return the favor. But that would be quite the uneven deal. Don't you think so?"

"N-no, it's alright."