Twilight and all of its characters belongs to the wonderful Stephanie Meyer.
Chapter 37: Confession
Ever since I was little my mother always quoted this proverb about when I have my hand in a lions mouth to...to take it out or something. I don't really recall exactly what the end of it was, but it doesn't matter because she would only tell me it after I got in trouble. So it never helped me, not then and certainly not now.
The large black dog, Rex, almost bit my head off if it wasn't for me dodging him, which also resulted in me falling hard in the mud on my back. I heard Lorelei laugh but I didn't dare look away from the large fangs near my face. I tried to crawl away backwards but Rex put his large heavy paw on my neck and chest and then he pressed his weight even more on me, I was pinned down hard to the ground. Lorelei came over right beside us and folded her arms and leaned her shoulder against Rex.
"You know I had this vision of you, I thought that you were this voluptuous, irresistible, clever seductress and...just everything I wasn't and better. I mean who else but a women like that can take John's attention from me, but oh how wrong I was. You're just an inexperience helpless girl, just a small blip to get rid of before my very successful eternity with him. A pathetic human like you couldn't even began to imagine the power I will have after we join, it's positively exhilarating." She laughed.
"This has been far too easy, I mean I cleared out my entire schedule today for this and in less than an hour you're flat on the ground." She said with a disappointed sigh. I would have given her a piece of my mind if I wasn't choking. She gave me a thoughtful look before she combed her hand through her wet black hair.
"Hmm... you know i've been so busy lately that I haven't had time to play with Rex as much as I used to, perhaps a little game of cat and mouse is exactly what he needs." Lorelei said with a wide smile but then Rex started started to wine. "What, you're hungry now? Well I guess we will just have to get this over with than." She said and took a couple of steps back form us. "I don't mean to offend, but blood is very heard to get out and I wouldn't want to dirty up my dress." My eyes widened at what she said and then my heart went into complete overdrive.
"Now what was that phrase..? Oh yes, bon' appetit!" At this point My lungs were burning from lack of air and I tried using my nails to dig into Rex's paw but he wouldn't even twitch, he just turned towards me and and opened his mouth. A large tongue, sharp white teeth is what I saw as I stared into his mouth, I squinted my eyes when his hot breath hit my face. I think I excepted death in that moment because I stopped struggling, it was either that or I was finally blacking out.
I was waiting for indescribable pain but it didn't come, the next thing I saw when I opened my eyes was Rex backing away from someone behind me and Lorelei disappearing into light. Just before Rex leap forward at the stranger a large ball of light hit him square in the face causing him to yelp and fly twenty feet away. All I could do was lay there watching in the rain, and then I felt someone come right beside me. My eyes were blinking rapidly because of the rain falling into them but still I was able to clearly recognize the face of the stranger, it was John. He reached out his right hand into the direction of Rex and then he closed it, almost admittedly Rex consumed by light and turned into dust.
From my place on the ground a heavy mixture of shock, fear, and cold caused my entire body to shake violently. It was raining so hard the woods sounded like one big shower, and the only other thing that I could hear was my strained breathing. John knelt down to me and put his hand on my side, concern shone through his eyes.
"I'm sorry, i'm so sorry I let this happen. Are you hurt?" He asked me. I shook my head and then he picked me up to carry me. My adrenaline letdown left me feeling weak and all I could do was look up at the brown stubble on John's chin. I didn't know where we were until I looked away from him saw the window of my room. Everything was quiet and in its usual place, on most days I take that for granted, today I find it's normality comforting.
"Can you stand?" He asked.
"Yes." I whispered and then he tried to put me on my feet but my knees gave out as soon as my feet touched the floor, but then he caught me.
"I gotcha." He said helping me to sit down on my bed and I wrapped my arms around my body. I was shaking and soaking wet.
"Thank you... for saving me." I manage to say, my throat was hurting do to Rex's giant paw choking me.
"We can talk about what happen later right now you need to get out of those clothes and you need to dry off." He said, his mouth was tight and he stood there with his arms crossed.
"Okay... Just gave me a minute." I said.
After I found my legs again I went over to my dresser and pulled out a blue night shirt and then I grabbed my towel. And then I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower, even though the hot water made my body warmer my body still shook. I held my head down saw and my vision turn blurry from the tears that ran down my face and disappeared into the water from the shower. I don't know how long I just stood there crying before I actually washed the mud out of my hair and off the rest of my body.
I got out of the shower and with my finger tips I felt how swollen my eyes had become, when I wiped the steam away from the bathroom mirror I saw how red and puffy my eyes were. My nose and lips were also red and my dark hair curled around my face from the hot water. I grabbed my towel and dried my hair as much as I could before I rapped another towel around my body. As I dried my hair with my blow drier I stared at my reflection in the mirror, what happened in the woods flashed through my mind and I pressed my lips together and tried not to cry again. I guess you can't avoid all confrontation no matter what.
When I walked into my room I saw that John had brought the chair that was in the corner next to my bed and was leaning his chin on his fist. He looked lost in thought when I walked in.
"Hey..." Was the only thing I could think of to say, he seemed to snap out of his thoughts and then he sat up in the chair.
John didn't say anything he just gave me a nod and then I went over and sat in front of him on my bed. I was going to say something but he beat me to it. "I'm sorry I let this happen to you." I shook my head.
"No, I should have listened to you than this wouldn't have happened." I said and he leaned forward.
"Jessica you are under my protection, you shouldn't have had anything to worry about. But now someone very powerful is after you, I know this because if they didn't have power than I would have caught them by now. Who ever this is keeps covering there tracts and I don't even know the reason behind the attacks on you. You wouldn't happened to know anyone else like me would you?" He asked.
"No, you're the only one I know." I said.
"Of course." I pictured the face Lorelei of in my mind, her cold blue eyes, pale skin and dark hair and taht creepy smile made me shiver. There was silence for a moment before I spoke.
"Are you sure that you didn't recognize that women?" I asked him and he looked me in the eyes.
"She disappeared as soon as I arrived. Why?" He asked me but I hesitated in answering him. "Jessica?" He prompted.
"She said some things..." I said.
"Like what?"
"...She said that you and her were together and that I was in the way of a successful life you." John's faced shown a calculating interest. "She also told me that her name was Lorelei ." I said. John admittedly sat back in the chair and he had a shocked expression.
"That can't be right." He said shaking his head and then he stood up and began to pace my room, I remained silent as I watched him. "She would never do something like this, this has to a mistake, this has to be someone else!" He exclaimed.
"So it's true than, you and her are together. And she thinks that there is something going on between us." I stated. John who had been rubbing his bottom lip with the back of his pointer finger in thought turned and looked at me. A then he came over and pulled the chair closer in front of me and sat down. He stared straight into my eyes with his brown eyes.
"Lorelei is the one that I told you about back at the book store, we're supposed join together soon." He said.
"Join together, as in marry?" I asked surprised.
"Yes... But I know Lorilie, I know her heart. Even if she did suspect there to be something between us she's not the type of person to hunt someone down and kill them. She's very softhearted and she knows that I love her and that I would never betray her.
"But it would explain why she disappeared as soon as you arrived." I said. And then I heard the front door downstairs open and close.
"Jessie, we're home!" I heard my mom yell from downstairs.
"Okay!" I replied and then I looked at John. "You should hide, she always comes up to check on me." I said. John nodded and then went and stood behind the door, after that my mom opened it.
"Dinner will be ready in an hour minutes, we're having meat loaf." My mom said with a smile.
"Uh okay I ate something a little heavy not to long ago, but i'll come down and eat something if I get hungry." I said.
"Well alright..." She said but she didn't leave yet. "How have you been Jessie, I feel like we don't talk as much as we use to." She said. Oh crap mom please just leave.
"That's not true, we talk." I said, I didn't have the time to think about if that was a lie or not.
"Yeah but not like we used to." She said.
"Well then I promise i'll try to take time and talk with you more more." I said and then my mom nodded gave me a thoughtful expression.
"But you still didn't answer my question. How are you?" She asked.
"I know it's been several months now since we moved here, but I guess i'm still adjusting." I said, but in reality I was talking about my interactions on a daily basis with the supernatural world.
"It'll get better in time, you just have to hang in there sweetie." She said.
"I will mom, thank you." I said.
"No problem, you'll always be my baby girl." She said and then she walked over to me and gave me a kiss on my forehead. The door was still open so it hid John fairly well, I held my smile in please as she walked back to the door.
"See ya mom." I said and then she shut the door, I sighed in relief and looked at John. "That was close, lock door please." I said and then he did that before he came and sat on the chair again.
"Back to what we were talking about, describe to me what she looks like again and this time with more detail please." John said while leaning on knees with his elbows and intertwined his fingers. I stared down at my dark brown wooden floor as if to better help me remember what Lorelei looked like.
"She had a hourglass figure and she's taller than me, but shorter than you. Her eyes are light blue, her lips are pink and her skin is pale. And of course you know that she has long and wavy black hair." I said. John mumbled something obscene underneath his breath before he got up and went over to my window and he just silently stood there. I played with the bottom of my nightshirt until I heard him sigh deeply and then he came and sat right next to me on my bed.
"To have Lorilie do something like this before the event of us joining together...It's got to mean something. I just don't believe that this is a matter of jealousy and mistrust, we have experienced so many things together. I remember this particular time where we walked through the Ghuanithe, it's a dimension where it's universe is created and destroyed in a matter of minutes over and over again. Lorilie was in front of me and I saw the universe fall away, stars and all, just fall away, and in that moment I realized truly I loved her. We just floating there watching it together, it was beautiful, she was beautiful." He said. Oh John. I was about to say something but he stopped me.
"Don't worry i'm still going to confront her about this, though I know in my heart that there has to be so much more to this." He said and I sighed. I didn't want to say anything negative at all because I felt for him.
"If that's what you believe than it can't be help, i'll have faith in your decisions, I trust you. But please for the both of us be on your guard." I said. John smiled at me.
"I'll be watching you closer than ever, just don't try anything too serious with your vampire girlfriend. If you do just be aware and as careful as possible, I want to be able to look you in the eye next time I see you." He said with a smirk. I gasped and then I slapped him on the shoulder playfully.
"Ow!" John said and held his shoulder in mock hurt. "Looks like someone is definitely is feeling better." I gave him a small smile and returned it fully.
"Just a little." I said. Jone put his arm around me and put his head on top of mine.
"Everything is going to be okay, I'm going to take care of you." He said. He smelled like pine trees.
"I know." I said. My eyes were trained on the windows and I noticed that the sun went down.
"John?"
"Yes?"
"The sun went down, Edward will be here any second. You should go before he catches you here." I said, and then I got up from my position on the bed.
"What you don't want us to meet?" John said playfully.
"It's not that...Well it is that. Look i'm just not ready for any of our conversations to end up with 'You knew I was a vampire! Why would you willingly get close to a monster!' it's so annoying when he says stuff like that. At the same time it makes me want him more, he just makes me want to try harder at making him happy.
"I love him so much and if takes the rest of my life I will make sure that he sees his self worth." I said.
"Hmm...You do know that eventually you will have to have a conversation about your mortality and his immortality?" He asked. I almost pouted before I gave him a nod.
"I know, i'm just dreading it, he won't make this easy on me." I said and John nodded in understanding.
"Do you fear it?" He asked. I didn't understand so I gave him confused look. "Do you fear changing into what he is?" He explained. I swallowed hard and looked at that floor.
"Before I met with you at that book store I knew what I was getting involved in, I knew the risk and I also knew what I could gain. This is going to be very difficult but it will all be worth it in the end." I said determined. John looked down at me with a smile.
"Love has been the sun that made you grow into someone...more." John said. I hid my smile as I felt heat come to my cheeks.
"This is all possible because of you, so thank you." I said earnestly.
"To know that I can make a better difference in your life it...It is a joy to help you." He sincerely said as he looked down at me, and his body was starting to give off that light blue glue. He was the only person who knew all my secrets and it was a relief to have him completely on my side. Well, I should get going before he arrives. And please don't forget i'll be watching." He said and before I could even get another word in he disappeared into light.
Just a few moments after that I jumped when I saw Edward gracefully slipping inside my window, I looked at him surprised and he gave me a smirk.
"I really hope that the neighbors didn't notice you." I said after I ran into his arms.
"I'm sure that they didn't, you almost didn't notice me and it was your window. Did I scare you?" He teased.
"Just a little." I said. My arms were around his waist and my head was laying on his chest. I know that John said that he would take care of everything, but Edward just makes me feel so much safer. Edward ran his hand down my spine and then tilted my chin up with his other hand. I suppose after taking a good look at me his eyes brows pulled together in concern.
"Jess what wrong?" He asked me, I gave him a small smile.
"I just really missed you." I said and then I buried my head deeper into his chest. And I really did miss him...but the task that I had for myself tonight was to not break down and cry or else I would have to tell him about what happened. Telling Edward anything about my involvement with the nameless immortals of light was out of the question.
"Jessica have you had any rest since I left you?" He asked after we laid down on my bed. I pulled the covers over my body and then answered with curiosity.
"Just a little...why?"
"Because there's a cold wet spot here and some more water on the floor. You should have stayed inside and gotten more sleep, sleep deprivation lowers your immune system. Being out and the rain you're just asking to get sick." He said casually. I opened my eyes and remembered how soaked I was from the rain and how I had sat on my bed. I stared up at the ceiling and silently hoped that my heart wouldn't beat to hard, it's almost like being hooked up to a heart monitor because he will aware of every beat my heart makes and how fast it's going.
"Okay Mr. Detective." I said with a little smile. Edward took my hand and started tracing circles in it.
"So why did you go out while it was raining?" He asked.
"..." I opened my moth but nothing came out.
"Hmm?" He said casually.
"I just wanted to feel the rain like I use to...I don't know how but I forgot that this isn't Florida, the rain was a lot colder than it is down there." I lied, again.
"Do you miss the sunshine?" He asked me.
"Sometimes..." I said. My phone made a pang sound but I couldn't bring myself to reach for it and read any messages, I was as stressed and nervous as it was.
I felt Edward move next to me and pull me to him and then he laid me onto his chest. I sighed as I felt him start to gently rub his finger tips on my scalp, this simple gesture made my body relax fully against his. I actually didn't know how tense I was before I felt myself unwind, with a hum I sighed and smiled and then I gave Edward a kiss on the lips before I went to sleep.
~ The Morning After ~
I opened my eyes to the cloudy sunlight that streamed through my window, I always loved waking up to that calming sight. I just laid there comfortable and stared from my perfectly elevated spot and just looked at the simple soft sight. After a few moments I became more alert when I noticed that what I was laying on was moving up and down, I had mistaken the motion as my own breathing gently moving me.
I looked up and saw Edward's seemly sleeping face and my heart beat sped up, it was way to early in the mourning to be this breathless. I started to breath slower to calm myself down and then scrunched my eyebrows a little. I lifted my head more to get a better look at at him, of course his features were all smooth but he would have looked more peaceful if it wasn't for the crease in his eyebrows. A smile appeared on my lips when I realized that this was his attempt to keep up a human appearance, so why shouldn't I take advantage of this time while he was sleeping?
Edward had his other arm behind his head which elevated him more so I turned over on my stomach and crawled closer to his face. My hand caressed the side of him face and I started rubbing with his bottom lip before I kissed him gently twice. It didn't escape my notice that the crease in his eyebrows deepened and I smiled even more, to have Edward being the first person I see in the morning filled with me with satisfaction. I reached my hand higher and combed my fingers through his hair and played with the reddish strands that stood out from the dark brown.
How long was he going to play this game? I wondered how many kisses it will take for him to 'wake up'... So I began to kiss him again, and again, and again, and again. I was having too much fun doing that because something happened that I didn't intend on doing, I spoke three words and it was only after I said them did I realize that I said them at all.
"I love you." I said. My face was only in inch away from Edward's and then my eyes widened when he opened his eyes and they came in contact mine. Besides the atmosphere that went for calm to tense in that instant and the feel of his topaz eyes pouring into mine I felt my breath get caught in my throat and my heart pounding like a fist against my chest. How I wish it were easy, after I chose to be with him forever I wish that somehow that just that choice alone would have just instantly prepared me for the fear of leaving myself open and vulnerable to him.
In the end he has own mind which I know for a fact is full of self hate and unforgiving thoughts. I wish that he knew by distancing and feeding himself those undeserved thought that he is hurting me as well, I want to see him happy, I want us both to be happy was he going to say? Edward sat up and so did I.
"You shouldn't love me." He said. I stayed quiet, I was just unable to pry my mouth open. "I know that I told you before that you should stay away from me and it was my mistake that I didn't press that as much as possible. I'm not good for you Jessica despite all of the positive things you have in mind of me. I would just end up hurting you very badly." He said. I never had this feeling in my chest before, it feeling like my heart and squeezed and crushed. Edward got off of my bed and I admittedly reached out for him, I rapped my arms around his waist and hugged him for the back.
"Edward please..." I said.
"I don't want to hurt you." He said. His body was stiff.
"Than fight for me, fight what ever this is." I said on the verge of tears. I let go of him when he gently pulled my hands from around him and then he turned around to me and I laid my hands on his chest. Edward caressed my cheeks with his hands as we looked into each other's eyes, a tear from my eye dripped onto his hand.
"I am fighting for you Edward, I am." I said. Edward scrunched his eyebrows and looked down at me, his eyes held tension in then.
"Jessica, there are things I wish that I could tell you, but I can't. If you only knew the truth about me...you wouldn't let me touch you or even stand this close to me. As long as you are with me you are in constant danger, you don't know just how fragile you are Jessica." He said darkly and before I knew it I was laying on my back on my bed and now Edward hovered above me.
With one of his hands he held me down easily when I tried to sit up. At this point my heart was thumping against my chest, if this was his way scaring me off he was not doing a very good job at it. He pressed his face into my neck and inhaled deeply and then he became very still after he did that.
"Edward..." I said and the he pushed himself up to hover above me again and he looked into my eyes, his eyes held shame and guilt in them.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." He said then he got back up on the edge furthest away from me, there were several silent moments before he spoke again. "I won't hurt you, I won't do that again." He said, he was turned away from me.
"Edward...Edward look at me." I said as I sat up fully and folded my legs beneath me. Edward turned around and gave me a dreadful expression and then I crawled over to his side and caressed his face. "I know...I know somehow someway things will get better. The complications that keeps us from being together completely may not simply go away, but i'm ready for any consequence of the decisions we make together." I said before I kissed him and he returned it.
"And just to let you know it's not easy for me either, it never was. I didn't just decide on a whim to be yours forever, for months I denied my feelings so I wouldn't fall in love with you and leave myself unguarded and open. However in the end I couldn't deny the possibility of something so...amazing. Edward you are too... frustratingly selfless to completely give in to your desires and there's this secret you carry (and I carry)." I said and then I took his hands in mine and squeezed them gently before I kissed them.
"Will everything truly be alright? Is it possible where there will come a time that nothing will stand in our way? I know that you believe this but it's too impossible for me to believe." He said. I didn't expect him to shed all his doubts I just want him to feel my love and give him some peace in his existence. I crawled on his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck, our faces were more aligned.
"This is pure, there is nothing wrong with two people being together. There is nothing wrong with us." I said and we mutually closed the space between us. We kissed more passionately then we ever did and without knowing I lost myself easily, he took the lead and we move rhythmically together. I had never experienced anything like this before, there was a fire that he set in me and it was growing bigger and more wild. I gasped when he pulled away, our faces were still very close and we were both breathing heavily. Edward had a small but very honest smile on his face and I smiled back at him.
"How can someone so pure be so tempting?" He said with his eyes shut tight and then he opened them and looked deeply in my eyes. The look that he gave me was one that I have never been given before and it awaken deep emotions in me that I didn't know were there, it was adoration. "I love you, I love you so much Jessica. I already knew that I was in love with you for some time now. I wish that I had said it first and that didn't react so badly to your confession, for that I am sorry." He said. I wanted to scream with joy but instead I started to feel dizzy, I almost feel off of Edward's lap but he held me tighter to him by my waist.
"Jess are you okay!?" Edward asked. I shook my head and took a deep breath to regain my composure.
"Yeah, I...I think I almost fainted. Say it again." I said and Edward looked at me confused. "Tell me that you love me again." I said. I still had my arms around his neck and I was using that to my advantage. Edward smiled at me.
"I love you so much Jessica." He said.
"You do?" I asked jokingly and Edward chuckled.
"Yes, how could not help but love you." He said and I kissed him again, this time it was brief but sweet. I pouted but than I noticed that his eyes were pitch black. Whoa...I shouldn't push him more than I already have so I laid my head on his chest.
"You know today is the day of the dance." He said after a couple a minutes.
"Mhmm." I said with a smile.
"We have a date today." He said.
"I hadn't forgotten about our ditch date." I said.
"Ditch date, is that what you're calling it?" He asked.
"Yes, we're ditching the dance and going a date, it fits perfectly" I said.
"Of course." He said. Because his chin on top of my head I could feel him smiling. "But before we go I want to meet your family." I took my head off his chest leaned back to look at him. I had no idea what I was going to say to that but he spoke before I could make up any excuses. "You said that you are mine forever." He reminded me.
"I know I just-" I was cut off with a kiss. "Okay." I said instantly. Whoa, did I just get played? "Edward Cullen you are dangerous." I said.
"That's what I have been trying to tell you." He joked.
"I guess it had to happen sooner or later."
"Yes and i'm sure they're curious about who gives you rides everyday." He said.
"Yeah... I guess, the sooner the better we get this done the better...or it will speed up my impending heart attack." I said already feeling nervous. Edward laughed at me.
"Now i'm going to take a shower and chance, then i'll be back and i'll meet your family." He said and slid me off his lap and stood up.
"And then our date!" I said.
"No."
"No?" I asked.
"Then you can meet my family." He said as he hugged me.
"Oh...Wait! What!? Edward we didn't talk about this." I said, my breaths were quicker than before. Go away anxiety!
"The sooner we do this the sooner you can stop your worrying altogether." He said.
"Uh..." I was going to be sick, it was all overwhelming.
"And of course i'll be with you every step of the way." He said. I smiled at him.
"You think i'm ready to meet your family?" I asked.
"Yes, they will love you." He said. After all the apprehension he gives me the tables have turned because I saw nothing but certainty in his eyes.
"Okay." I said and then he kissed my forehead.
"Everything's going to be fine." He said and then he made his way over to my window.
"I love you." I said shyly.
"I love you too." He said with a smile. "I'll be back at 11 a.m. ."
"Alright i'll see you than." I said and I managed to keep my cool for the first time since last night. After Edward left I waited long enough until what I thought for him should out of ear shot before I started scrambling around. What was I going to wear? What was I going to do to my hair? I started going through my closet and then held up a white dress to myself in the mirror. I looked at myself in thought.
"I'm not getting married just yet." I told myself. I sighed as I looked in the mirror and flipped my hair. After I laid the dress down onto my bed I removed my night shirt and noticed a large purple mark on the left side if my upper chest and shoulder. My night shirt had been hiding it in all the right places. I traced it in the same shape of Rex's paw and gently poked it, pain shot through my chest which caused me to I jerked back. I took a big breath.
"This is going to be a long day."
Hello to my fantastic readers! I am very proud of this chapter, I wish I was a mind reader like Edward so that I could know what you awesome people think of my story... Oh wait you can just review! Please! Please! Was there a particular part that you liked more than the others? Tell me about it, I would love to read about it. Or was there a part that didn't quite connect with you? Tell me why! I want to know all your thoughts! Okay maybe I was getting a little a head of my self there... I appreciate your reviews, please make my day and i'd be happy to respond.