A.NThis is a short one, but in a way slightly different from my other ficts. In some way this one is more personal. WARNING it's rather dark, so if you don't like reading ficts that cover; Mental health, depression and suicidal thoughts. I highly suggest reading a different fict.Myself, like many others, have struggled with mental health.

in some way I think it's good to write your thoughts and feelings, even if it is incorporated into something else.I hope that if anyone else who reads this and is going through a bad time, I really hope you are ok, and that you are not alone.XAnyway, I hope you like this little short one.

I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER

My feet are on the edge, which is not a coincidence as every fiber of my being is also on said edge.

The Scottish wind whips, and whistles through my hair as I take my last breaths on this shit hole that is called earth.

My life was and still is a never ending cycle of misery.

Most would think that, being given a second chance, having a near death experience and being unchained and released from my past rulers, that it would be a new start and that, god forbid I became happy.

Well I can tell you this... Its all lies.

Even after 5 miserable years, being given a 'second chance' is not all that its cracked up to be.

I started with nothing and remain with nothing.

My life is full of regret.

Past regrets.

I am alone.

No one has never truly cared about me.

Hero? Horse shit.

No one would of cared if I died, from the war, or now.

I am a failure.

I am a sack of shit.

I amount to nothing.

I am worthless.

I am the personification of true loneliness.

These thoughts overwhelm me on a daily basis, eating away at my self conscious, every minute of every hour. The more it consumes me the more numb I feel in this body. I have tried different ways so I could feel something, anything.

Pain.

Pain is the only thing that seems break my numbness.

It's the only feeling I have ever been accustomed to, in both metaphorical and physical.

The wind has started to pick up now, I feel more aware of my surroundings.

It might seem sentimental that the greasy git, Severus Snape, decided that of all places to die he chucks himself off the Astronomy tower.

It almost seems like a Gryffindor decision.

I close my eyes and ready myself to take that step, that step towards freedom, the end of my pointless existence.

Suddenly I find myself to be distracted as I hear movements towards my location.

Why did I not ward the place?

Idiot.

Careless.

Stupid.

Idiot.

I fumble around my robes to find my wand and cast a disillusion charm over myself.

I bloody hope they leave soon.

I steady my breathing so I can not be detected so easily.

I can hear a voice, it seems to be getting louder, this person sounds like they are in distress.

"I can't do it anymore. I can't!

I am sick and tired of putting a fake smile on and pretending I'm ok!"

The voice was female and one I could recognise instantaneously. Oh pity the princess of Gryffindor, shes had a bad day.

Although I look at her, this woman I had known since she was a child.

She wasn't a child now.

She hadn't been for years.

Granger was a staff member now, and had been for the last 3 years.

Although it was greatly underwhelming to find that she took over from Pince In the library. Not the obvious choice, although Granger loves books, she also has a great intelligence, that could rival any witch or wizard in decades.

My guess would of been Charms, Transfiguration, HELL even Potions. Not a bloody book keeper.

I stared at her empty face, her eyes had doused the fire that had burned. They almost look as empty as I feel.

She suddenly summoned what looked like a dicto quill. After a few seconds she starts dictating.

"To my dear friends,

I wasn't to sure who to address this letter to. As I am unsure who will find this missive after everything that will take place after I am finished with this.

I feel like I have been hiding for so long, and I no longer want to hide behind this fake, cheery, faćade.

I am not happy.

I havent been for a while. I thought that hiding behind a smile, everyday of my pitiful life, that I would forget about the darkness that looms in my head and In my dreams and nightmares.

I feel so stupid, so selfish.

I know we have all experienced this.

But I just can't cope.

I don't know who to talk to, who wont just say... oh yes! You will get over it.

I WILL NEVER GET OVER IT. Any of it.

I am so sorry to be a disappointment to you all.

Hermione"

She tapped the letter and choked,

"The desk, my quarters."

I watched her letter fly out of her hands, teas were streaming down her face.

"You are such a wimp, you useless COWARD! SELFISH, FUCKING COWARD!"

I watched her astonished, as I recognise, that I indeed too, do feel the same way.

I see her punching the wall, watching as her knuckles turn bloody.

I, all of a sudden look at my knuckles... I do the same, feeling my pain makes me feel alive, but angry simultaneously, at the fact that I deserve it all, I deserve all the pain.

I cancel the disillusion and step from the shadows, I need to say something...

"I too am also a coward Miss Granger."