Visiting a Bar

"It's Anything Can Happen Thursday," Leonard had been repeating the words for the better part of an hour. They felt already like a mantra.

He wasn't the only one running out of patience. Shelly was visibly annoyed by now. "Alright, then leave. You guys want to go to a bar then do so! I'm not coming." She crossed her arms in defiance.

Raj bent over to Howard and whispered something even Shelly's Vulcan-like hearing couldn't pick up.

"Right!" Howard turned towards the only female in the room. "Anything Can Happen Thursday is a social protocol you created. It is supposed to test out new activities as a group. Therefore, you're obliged to participate because of the majority vote."

Raj nodded then whispered something else at his best mate.

Howard nodded in understanding. "Like paintball."

"Yes, that's true," Leonard chimed in. "It turned out that you like paintball despite your aversion of getting dirty."

Shelly bristled. "Going to bars won't be anything like paintball. A fair number of properties of paintball intersect with other activities of ours. Like the indisputable fact that at its core paintball is a strategy game. Visiting a bar on the other hand is like asking for the kind of trouble we've run into on any enforced after school festivity."

Leonard tried his luck once more, "You've never been in a bar. You can't know in advance that-"

"I can. I do."

Leonard glared at her. However, it was not like glaring got him anywhere with Shelly. She had a thick skin. "Fine, then you lack empirical proof."

Shelly's nostrils flared. "Why are you so bent on taking me along?"

"Because-" Howard started only to be interrupted immediately.

"No, no, no, Shelly needs to react to my argument." Leonard always got a bit giddy when he was about to best Shelly at anything. "You can't just dismiss the lack of empirical proof. Can you?"

Her left eye twitched. "No."

Howard and Raj high fived.

It was really hard for Leonard to not rub his victory in but somehow he managed, "Okay, get dressed then."

"First we need to address the matter of where we'll go. There are hygienic standards I won't abandon. And there are protocols in place we all agreed upon. We need to check online reviews first," Shelly went over to her laptop.

Before she could even press the power button Leonard announced. "That won't be a problem at all. We can go to the bar Penn works at. You already drank and ate over at the place. Therefore the bar will be alright as well." Maybe Leonard could not reign in the smirk on his lips but he was only human after all.

The sour expression on Shelly's face was proof of two things. She was only human as well and her friends had bested her in an argument. "Fine, I'm gonna put on the Dress."

She stormed into her room.

Into the silence her departure left behind, Howard asked worriedly, "Something about the way she said 'dress' was off, wasn't it?"

Since Shelly had vanished to her room Raj could speak in a quiet voice, "I didn't even know she owned a dress."

Leonard frowned. "Me neither."

"You got any idea what it looks like?"

Leonard shook his head.

Howard looked at the hallway she had walked down. "Who else thinks she's going to wear something really weird?"

Ray asked in a whisper, "Like what?"

"Something really unsettling bordering on disturbing. Something out of a horror movie. Maybe?"

"You mean like a costume?"

"Definitely. It's the only thing possible. Why should Shelly even own a regular dress?" Howard looked thoughtful. "If we're lucky it might be something like the dress of Mary Poppins. Complete with umbrella and vintage doctor's bag."

"I'm sure it's nothing like that." Leonard waved their concerns away. In truth, he did not care for her dress. He had a big smile plastered onto his face. Who cared whether he would hook up with a girl? He had just bested Shelly in an argument.

When the female physicist reemerged she wore a dress with a bright floral print. It went down to her knee. She also wore woolen tights. And while her dress had a neckline there was absolutely nothing to be seen thanks to her long-sleeved t-shirt beneath it. What added a little girlishness to her appearance was a short jacket.

In answer to the looks, Shelly informed them, "My sister gave me these clothes. She said I should wear them if I went to 'a bar or something'."

"Well, I think she didn't mean for you to wear tights or a t-shirt with it but whatever you're comfortable in." Leonard went for the door.

They got to the car without an incident. Shelly sat in the passenger seat. She had called dibs after all.

Penn was pretty surprised when he spotted the guys at his bar. And even more so when he saw that they had dragged Shelly along. "Hey, what are you four doing here?"

"It's Anything Can Happen Thursday," Shelly informed him.

Adrian the second guy behind the bar had heard them and said in a lewd tone, "Three guys and one gal that's what I call an Anything Can Happen Thursday."

Penn's hand landed on his shoulder. He turned Adrian around and lead him a few feet away before he hissed at him, "Wrong joke. Wrong audience."

When Penn turned away, Adrian rubbed his aching shoulder.

Shelly looked curiously at Penn when he returned, "What was that about?"

"I told Adrian that I would handle your order."

Which earned him a brisk but approving nod from Shelly. "That is part of the deal."

Penn refrained from asking what deal she was talking about.

Pointing at something behind the bar, Shelly asked, "Is this barstool clean?"

"Nobody sat there since we opened."

Shelly hopped onto it. She looked at the counter. "Can you wipe it?"

Penn fetched a clean cloth – he made a point of rustling the wrapping while pulling it out of a drawer – and a bottle of sanitizer. While wiping down Shelly's place he asked, "What do you want to drink?"

"A Diet Coke please."

"This is a bar. You know that people go to bars and drink alcohol right?"

Shelly made a thoughtful "Hm" sound. She picked up one of the special menus they had laid out. There was a reason the bar was full of women. Their boss had announced a Ladies Night and the ladies had done him the favor of pouring in around an hour ago.

"Those are the prices for ladies," Penn said at the three guys who were studying another menu. "Prices for guys are normal – so basically twice as high."

Leonard spoke for them, "That's alright."

Penn had not failed to notice Raj and Howard glancing around the many female customers. Neither had the ladies failed to notice them. They were currently a little short on guys.

"I'll have a Tequila Sunrise." Leonard had a weird gleam in his eye.

"Excellent choice!" Shelly said and went into a lecture about... density or something.

Meanwhile, Raj pointed at a picture on the menu.

"A Grasshopper?" Penn told himself that he just asked to make sure not because he was thinking anything particular about that choice.

"Sex on the Beach for me," Howard said a lecherous smirk plastered on his face.

"Sure, you can have one but you better tune that attitude down," Penn hissed in warning. "I'll throw you out when the first woman pours her drink over you."

Howard gave him a reluctant nod.

So, Penn started mixing, while he glanced occasionally at Shelly. Once the three guys had their stuff he turned back to her. "Found something for yourself?"

"A virgin Cuba Libre with no vegetables please."

"How many pieces of ice?" Penn asked ironically.

"Three," Shelly dead-panned... most likely without being aware of it.

"So you want a coke with ice?"

"Indeed. And if you could make it a sugar-reduced drink I would appreciate that too."

While the two of them had interacted the three guys had wandered off to chat up a group of three ladies. Only a minute later, Shelly had her nose buried in a comic.

Which was fine with him as he had no time to worry about her as one group after the other ordered new drinks. Women winked at him and patted his hands. They flirted hard with him and Adrian. Some even gave him folded papers with their numbers on them. At least, that was what their friends were supposed to think. In the past, half of those notes turned out to be non-operatable numbers and the other half covered anything from apologies to smileys.

Shelly told him in a huffy tone that he was something like a man-whore since he accepted all those numbers. Penn invested the time to correct her and explained the game to her the women were playing with him - or was that on him? He was not surprised when she didn't understand it.

The next time he looked over at Shelly, she wasn't alone anymore. A woman sat next to her. She had long wavy hair and wore her black dress without a t-shirt beneath it. In short, she was the kind of woman the three guys would have loved to be talking to.

When she noticed him looking at her, she waved him over. "A Manhattan, please." Looking at Shelly she asked, "What can he get for you, cutie?"

Shelly blinked in confusion. "Are you offering to pay for my next beverage?"

"That was the idea, cutie." The woman winked flirtingly. "I'm Megan by the way."

"I'll take another virgin Cuba Libre," Shelly said without batting an eye.

Megan looked alarmed. She squinted her eyes but the light in the bar was dim and so she asked, "You're of age, right?"

Shelly cocked her Spock eyebrow, "Yes, I am."

While Penn prepared the Manhattan and Shelly's virgin Cuba Libre he kind of listened in on the two women at the end of the counter. He had noticed Megan before. He could remember her because she always ordered a Manhattan. She came around especially on Ladies' nights. And he had only seen her talk to single women. He was pretty sure she was a lesbian.

He had never asked. But what if Shelly was a lesbian? She would have had no reason to tell him.

When Penn refilled their glasses a while later, he heard in Megan's voice that she was growing kind of tired of her exchange with Shelly. "Have you ever considered moving to Provincetown?"

"I'm working at Caltech," Shelly explained.

Megan jumped at the chance to finally get their conversation going, "Oh, what are you doing there?"

Shelly explained it with vigor and many long words. While Megan was visibly nonplussed she still enjoyed the enthusiasm she had evoked. Penn left the two of them to their flirting and whatever Shelly was doing.

Penn came over to their end of the bar to cut limes for six Mojitos and he could not overhear Megan swooning, "You have wonderful fingers."

"My fingers are just like any other persons," Shelly replied.

"No," Megan cooed, "They are really long and elegant. I bet you can play the piano!"

"I'm actually proficient at it."

"I'm sure you have a lot of finger-based skills," Megan purred.

Penn could hardly believe how obvious she was about stroking Shelly's ego. But given her reaction, Megan did everything right. The physicist from across the hall preened visibly.

After Penn had delivered the Mojitos, Megan was gone. Shelly was back to reading comics. She had probably never figured out that a lesbian had been flirting with her for half of the evening.

The bar was slowly emptying when Leonard came over to pay and slur, "We'll be goin to do sum dancin. Shelly dosn wanna come alon." He dropped his car keys on the counter. "Get her homy pleece."

Penn was a little bit confused. Leonard had not consumed that much alcohol. Maybe, he got drunk easier because he never drank?