Chapter FIFTEEN

Came across this the other day - time to do some reflecting!

Goals for Junior Year by: Kairi O'Hara - cause yeah this year is gonna be amazing

okay things aren't really that amazing right now. maybe my standards were too high. I just want this year to be okay.

1. Buy formal dresses at least 2 weeks in advance to avoid last year's rental dress debacle (read: never trust Mom's tastes). okay will do.
2. Avoid the cafeteria's chicken nuggets - for many reasons. check so far.
3. Own the school play with Naminé. working on it - hey, I made drama club!
4. Study. For real. #gradesmatter. uh...working on it.
5. Make up with Selphie...okay, maybe that's too ambitious. Talk to her...about the weather. Or anything. OH, try shoes. uh...not really working on it.
6. On that note, also talk to Tidus...eventually. why did I even bother going over this.
7. Beat personal mile time - no pain no gain. this is basically just everything I haven't done yet.
8. Prove to Sora that Riku and I are still friends. totally forgot about this.
9. Find a guy for Naminé, at least for the Winter Ball - she deserves someone! and this! I need to get to this.

&10. Do not let last year's bonfire incident happen again - solution: find a date?

hmm. I didn't think it was possible, but things are worse than when I made these goals. maybe it's time to be a little more realistic...

When half your friends are mad at you, it kinda limits your options for Sunday plans.

Since my semi-public dispute with Selphie and Tidus, quickly followed by my also semi-public argument with Sora, I've come to dub the past few days as EHK, for 'Everyone Hates Kairi.' Not a total exaggeration of events, considering I've never had a lot of close friends and now I'm down to Naminé.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention...after a poor test score my mom had to sign, she and my dad had another talk with me about How Important School Is. Then they decided to ground me.

For a C+! In pre-calc! I bet Mom can't even solve these questions - they're literally impossible!

So yeah. Even my parents aren't on my side. I guess now's as good a time as any to be grounded, cause it's not like I have anyone to hang out with. I also feel like I'm bothering Naminé too much these days, so I'm trying to hold back a little. Cause what if she jumps ship on our relationship like everyone else? If I didn't have Naminé, I really don't know what I'd do. What do kids with no friends in high school do?

Oh god - they have to eat lunch by themselves.

Okay, I need to stop that type of thinking. No more negative thoughts! Be positive! The sun will still shine tomorrow - or actually, the forecast says rain, so the weather forecast will still be 50% accurate, Dad will hopefully still make breakfast in the mornings, and...everyone will still hate Kairi.

So much for being positive. And it's only 10 AM.

I groan over my plate of scrambled eggs, setting my fork down and laying my head sideways on the table.

"What's wrong? Food not to your liking?" Dad asks in a whimsical tone that suggests he's on autopilot. With his laptop in hand, he's half paying attention to his work, half paying attention to the pancakes on the stove - which means he's not actually paying attention to me.

"My life sucks," I lament, hoping my tone of voice will at least garner a few points of sympathy.

"Cause you're grounded? It's like a rite of passage for teenagers. Consider yourself one step closer to being a grown adult!" He then laughs at a joke only he understands.

See, he's not paying attention at all - he doesn't actually know what's bothering me.

"Why are you working?" I ask instead, changing the subject away from me. "It's Sunday."

"Ah yes, but just because you get the day off doesn't mean the world stops revolving! Unfortunately, normal working citizens like your dad still have deadlines to meet...also my boss doesn't believe in weekends."

"Okay, I get it, Dad. I'm not that self-centered." I pause, thinking back to EHK and what everyone has said to me.

"...am I?"

The question slips at the very last minute before I close my mouth, and I anxiously wait as it hangs in the air.

Dad's response at first is click click clack on his laptop keyboard. I feel the nervousness in me slowly deflate - and some stupidity creeping up as I wonder what I'd hoped to hear. Given that he's busy at the moment, he'll probably respond with another distracted, lame joke. Swallowing a sigh, I return my attention to my scrambled eggs (at least I can always count on food).

Unexpectedly, the click clack stops. When I look up, I notice Dad shut his laptop and he's looking at me.

"Is something wrong, Kairi?"

A strange feeling bubbles up in my stomach, because in some ways, I'm actually getting the attention I want from Dad. But I'm also not prepared for this sudden scrutiny into my life, and now I'm not so sure what I should say.

"...I got in a fight," I finally confess, deciding I should start from somewhere.

Dad's eyebrows immediately leap upward. "What - why? What'd they do to you? Why'd they have to actually hurt you?"

I blink, sending a glare in Dad's direction. "I don't mean literally, Dad. Who actually still fights?"

"A lot of kids! I was just reading an article the other day about violence and bullying among high school students, and the numbers were shocking…"

"Okay, cool, whatever - I'm fine, Dad," I say, cutting off his ramble.

"...okay. Then what happened?"

I inhale nervously, trying to figure out how to tell the whole story. After having told it to Sora once, and having slept on it, I'd like to think I've gained some perspective on the entire thing. So I'm trying really hard to be as objective as I can here…

"Everyone hates me, Dad."

"Oh, Kairi. I'm sure that's not true."

Is that it? Very helpful, Dad. He's watching me intently, as if waiting for me to say something else.

"So Tidus is dating Selphie - my best friend."

"Oh, this is about your cousin? Amanda mentioned something to me but I thought she was exaggerating as usual..."

I narrow my eyes. "Wait, Auntie Sonnen talked to you about it? Waitwaitwait, Auntie Sonnen knows about it?"

Dad narrows his eyes, puckers his lips, and taps a finger on his chin. "She said something about you guys not getting along recently, but I didn't get any details. She said she and Tidus talked, so I thought you'd come talk to us if it's really serious." He pauses, giving me a stern look. "I guess this is serious, huh?"

I'm still stuck on the fact that Tidus talked to Auntie Sonnen about the whole thing...though oh, that kinda makes sense, that total momma's boy. I guess Tidus is even closer to his mom than I thought.

"I don't know, the whole thing's just really messed up." I sigh, putting my face in my hands. "We're both mad at each other, he won't say sorry, I won't say sorry."

"Ah. Battle of the egos. Those can get pretty nasty. You know, someone just has to suck up their pride and apologize first. There's really no point in holding a grudge, especially with family."

"I know, I know...but it's not fair. Why should I apologize first when he was the one who kept things from me?"

"You don't have to, but that'd just be making things harder for yourself. Forgive and forget, right? Or is it forgive but don't forget? Hmm…"

Dad is (again) sidetracked by his wandering thoughts. I'm still trying to convince myself that Dad's right - I think somewhere deep down, I know he is. That's why my ego is fighting back twice as hard.

"Well then same thing applies to him. He should stop making things hard for himself - and everyone - and just apologize."

Dad makes a humming noise to show his content. "True, you could say that. But you can't control what your cousin does. In the end, it comes down to you - what do you want to do? Apologize, or wait till he does? It's your choice."

I know Dad's just being his usual laidback self, but his nonchalant explanation is really getting on my nerves. Like he's making it sound like it's no big deal, but I've agonized about this for months and he's reducing my worries to nothing.

"Okay," I snap, hoping to end this conversation. Dad takes the cue and goes back to his work as the click click clack resumes.

I finish my breakfast and decide to tackle the reason I'm grounded: the horrors of pre-calc. Let me say, it's not how I want to spend my Sunday, but there's honestly not much else I can do. The entire day drags by as I wonder what I did to deserve such a boring day in my life. The one good thing about today? At least Mom comes home from work in the afternoon and we have our usual family dinner. Sundays are the only day we're all home during dinnertime, so it's the one day of the week I'm guaranteed a nice homemade meal. I gotta say, nothing beats Mom's potato stew.

"So, what'd you do today, Kairi?" Mom asks over food.

Swallowing a mouthful of salad, I reply, "Study for pre-calc. Really," I add when Mom shoots me a suspicious look. "I'm grounded, remember? Can't do much else."

"Oh, right," she chirps, chuckling to herself. "I actually forgot about that. What were the rules again?"

I want to slap my forehead - why do I have to remind my mom what grounding me entails?

"I think we agreed to no outings for fun? Was that it?" Dad ponders aloud.

"And allowance cuts," I remind them.

"Why'd we make that rule? She has to eat properly," Dad says.

"True," Mom chimes in. "Let's get rid of that."

"Woohoo!" I cheer, not even questioning Mom for a moment. Maybe she's in a good mood - better take advantage of that. "Actually, is it possible to ask for an increase? Only because," I hastily clear my throat, recalling my points, "inflation's like, so bad right now. Like my coffee went up 30 cents when they give exactly the same amount - exactly the same! Inflation!" I punctuate my point with raised hands.

"Hmm, that's a valid point," Dad says. He looks towards my mom. "What do you think, dear?"

My mom frowns. "You shouldn't be drinking so much coffee anyways - you're a teenager. If it's for school or something, let us know and we'll see what we can do. But I think we give you enough allowance."

Her tone has hints of her Business Voice so I take the cue to shut up and nod. Mom brings out dessert - freshly sliced fruits, how healthy - and we quickly clean up after that.

"Kairi, dishes please!" Mom reminds me.

"I know...can I use the dishwasher?" I ask.

"No, don't waste water or electricity when it's just a few plates," Mom states. I sigh, quickly surrendering to my fate and getting to work.

The dishes don't take long, and I'm back to my room before I know it. Right before I put on my headphones and turn on the music, I hear a distinct loud voice from the living room. It's my mom, and she's using a tactic I'm quite familiar with: raising her voice to make her point.

" - don't think we should be giving her more money when she's just a high school student!"

"She's 16 already, and I don't want her to worry about whether she has money to do something fun."

As always, Dad is calm and logical through their entire fight. Is this even a fight? Maybe just a small dispute. Seriously, they argue about dumb money matters all the time. Actually, I'm regretting asking for an allowance increase cause now I feel like it's my fault they're talking about this again. I swear, they always have the same argument. And it always boils down to the same stance for both of them.

Mom: We don't have the money for that!

Dad: We do, you're just saving all the money!

I'm not privy to our household's financial affairs, so I guess I'm not sure exactly who's right or wrong. And I'm sure it depends on the circumstance and what investment they're talking about. Anyways, I'm so done with this recurring argument. Normally I'd be able to go out for awhile till they get themselves settled, but I guess I should stay indoors cause I'm grounded.

Ah well. Nothing a little high volume EDM music can't drown out.

Fortunately (or unfortunately), as everyone has said, the world doesn't stop revolving when bad things happen. Despite EHK, and despite my dearth of friends at this time, the cross-country meet still happens later that week. I count all my blessings when my #1 fan shows up.

"It's so cold!" Naminé exclaims as she hops off the bus. Her hands keep rubbing her upper arms and she keeps jumping in place.

I take a look at her and laugh. "It looks like you're warming up instead of me."

"Why'd the temperature suddenly drop?" she complains, tugging at her sleeves to cover up her hands. "Make sure you run fast, Kairi, so we can hurry back to the bus."

I chuckle again. "I'll run for just for you." Pausing for a moment, I take a good look at Naminé, who I'm just starting to realize really is my one and only supporter.

I quickly wrap my hands around Naminé, giving her a tight hug. Naminé gasps in surprise at first but then returns the warm embrace. "You okay, Kairi?"

"Yeah. Just wanted to say thanks for coming."

"I mean, it was a pretty hard choice between this and studying at the library."

Chuckling at her sarcasm, I let go and look at her. "Really though. I'm glad you're here."

Slowly, Naminé smiles. "I'm glad I'm here too. Can I get another hug? It's too cold."

Laughing, I swing my arm around her neck and lean in towards her. "You idiot, why are you wearing dresses in this weather? It's late fall. There's no one to impress here."

"The forecast said the sun would be out! Oh, sorry, my phone's ringing."

Naminé turns towards her side and takes out her phone. Making a small disgruntled sound, she clears her throat and picks up.

"What?" she complains. My guess is it's either her dad or Ven. Maybe Roxas? Nah - Naminé coddles him way too much, like she's afraid of breaking him or something. She's never even remotely snappish or sarcastic when speaking to him.

"...alright, I got it. No, don't. I won't be back for dinner." Naminé peers in my direction and smiles apologetically. I realize it's her dad and shake my head, mouthing for her to take her time.

She ends up ending the call in under a minute, sighing tiredly. "He really needs to stop bothering me all the time."

"That's him caring!" I exclaim. "I don't remember the last time my parents called just to check in with me. It's usually just to tell me they're not coming back for dinner and to order takeout. I have the pizza place, the Chinese place, and the Thai place's numbers memorized."

Naminé musters a grin. "He doesn't actually care though. He's just acting the part."

"Why would you think that?"

After seeing Naminé's stern look, I realize my question might've come out more accusatory than curious, which is where I'm actually coming from. "I mean, does he act differently at home or something?"

Naminé draws a deep breath and sighs. "No. He always like getting all up my business. It's annoying."

"Yeah, I get what you mean." Hastily I jump to my best friend's side - also because I do agree with her. "Like they expect us to tell them everything when I don't want to."

"Right? I deserve my secrets!" Naminé exclaims.

"Yeah! I mean, I don't really keep any secrets from my parents - " Wait a sec, I'm supposed to be on Naminé's side! " - usually I don't! I mean, sometimes there isn't even a secret, but they wanna know everything and there's just nothing to tell, you know what I mean?"

"Yeah. Yeah, totally," Naminé says, narrowing her eyes at the distance like she's thinking about her dad. "Sometimes I just have nothing to say."

I pat my best friend's back, hoping that helps a little. I don't know, I'm actually not good at this whole comforting other people thing. "Um, you don't have to say anything now."

That gets a giggle out of her. "Nice, Kairi."

"What?" I exclaim, bewildered. "I'm just saying!"

"Right. You're funny, Kairi."

"Naminé."

"No, wait, I meant that literally. I wasn't being sarcastic."

"Sure. These days I can't tell with you anymore..."

"Hey! What does that mean?"

"Kairi!" I hear Coach Tellah holler from a ways off. "Chat with your friend later! You've got a race to run!"

"Oh, that's right - still gotta go set fire to my lungs." I roll my eyes, looking at Naminé. "Don't get bored of waiting and fall asleep standing."

"That was one time!" Naminé protests, cheeks flushing. She gives me a gentle shove. "You better break a record or something today. I came personally to cheer you on."

"Well I'd better hear you cheering at the finish line then!" I quip back, sending her a grin before dashing off towards Coach Tellah and the team.

I manage to tune out most of his pep talk, cause I've heard the same thing at least ten times already. The freshmen look nervous out of their minds, the seniors already look tired, and Yuffie looks…

"Yuffie, are you sure?" I hear Coach Tellah asking her. She closes her eyes and then opens them widely, like she's trying to fight sleep or something. More than tired - Yuffie looks like she's about to faint.

"Are you sick?" I ask, voicing my concern for our captain. The other members of the team chime in their worries.

Yuffie summons the wide grin she usually wears. "No, c'mon, don't start rumors Kairi!" But is it just me or does she falter in the middle of her sentence? "I'm fine! I'm just nervous, that's all." She slaps her cheeks and nods at Coach Tellah. "Is that better? Enough color in my face for ya?"

Coach Tellah sighs. "I'm only worried because your friend said - "

"Aerith likes to exaggerate. I'm fine! I feel great!"

"She said you ran another 5 miles after practice yesterday and skipped lunch today...you know you're supposed to rest up and eat well before meets."

"Coach, I told you, I'm used to running everyday!" Yuffie insists. "You're really getting mad that I practiced too much? And my stomach digests food really slowly. I didn't want anything weighing me down before the meet."

"He'd better not use Yuffie as an example from now on," one of the freshmen mutters.

"Can we talk about this later?" Yuffie complains. "After the meet."

Coach pauses for a moment before finally sighing. "Right. Let's go get ready - they're probably starting soon."

I follow the rest of my team and head towards the starting line. The nerves are starting to get to me, like they always do right before the actual event. I'm really good at keeping calm until the thing I'm nervous about is right in front of me.

It's just another race, Kairi, I tell myself. Keep those feet moving, throw back your head, and just keep swimming. Running. Whatever.

Now I wanna watch that movie again.

I'm feeling a little better about this meet, because given EHK and everything that's happened recently, I get at least a good 20 minutes of undisturbed alone time. The fact that running's a solo sports irks a lot of people, but I love that I can do this all by myself. I just have to keep running.

What happens when I stop running?

What I mean is, I just have to stay focused.

"Runners on your marks," the announcer exclaims, and the first wave of runners ready themselves. I lower my center of gravity and lean forward, entering my usual stance.

"...go!"

With the loud whistle shriek, the first batch of runners, including me, sets off. The pack stays together for a good few minutes until one girl pulls ahead and people start splintering off into smaller groups.

I draw a deep breath and oxygen fills my lungs. The sun shines overhead, but it's rather mellowed out by the clouds. And I've never really noticed, but this golf course is pretty nice.

It's a good day.

I won't bore you with details of the race, which can be summarized below:

- The hills almost kill me, like they always do.
- I end up 54th. Which is around where I've been hovering for the past year. Just can't break top 50.
- Goddammit, I definitely could've lapped 53rd and maybe 52nd in the last 1000 meters if I'd tried.
- I almost trip over a rock. That's probably the highlight of the whole race.

Cross-country meets aren't particularly glamorous or exciting. I mean, it's just a bunch of people going from point A to point B, in a very roundabout fashion. I'm almost a little embarrassed when Naminé cheers her head off as I pull into the finish line.

It's just a friendly meet, so after we get our times and places, we're allowed to go. Coach Tellah herds us back to the bus, which we're more than eager to return to. Naminé gushes continuously about how amazing that was, and how much I'm sweating, and Kairi I didn't know if you were collapsing out of fatigue or fainting in the end! She's a little overdramatic, but it's kinda cute so I let her blabber like a proud mother.

On the ride back, Coach Tellah usually does a quick analysis of the team's results and shares any good news. He'll talk to us individually later about how we can improve and stuff like that, but the fact that Yuffie came in 6th and we had 5 people in top 20 gets cheers going from our bus.

"And so many of you broke your best times!" Coach Tellah exclaims encouragingly. "Garnet, Serah, and Kairi! I'm so proud of you girls!"

Wait, me? A smile spreads across my face as the team cheer excitedly. "What was my time?" I ask curiously.

"Let me see...21:42!" Coach Tellah exclaims. "You broke your 22 minute curse!"

I gape, vaguely aware that the cheers grow louder and Naminé's slapping me like there's no tomorrow. I - I broke 22 minutes?

"Is she okay?" a wayward voice asks.

"Yeah," Naminé says sweetly, "she just takes a little longer to process things. Especially big things - "

"NO WAY!" I shriek. "NO FRICKING WAY!"

"Yes way, Kairi!" Coach Tellah exclaims, just as excited.

"OH MY GOD. I BROKE MY CURSE! I FINALLY BROKE MY CURSE!"

Let me explain - I've never been able to break 22 minutes in my 5K runs, even during practice. It was so frustrating the one time I came in at 22:05 last year - I can't even properly express how giddy I am right now - this is a really really really really good day.

Coach Tellah continues sharing the other girls' times, but I'm just trying to calm myself down and stay seated before the driver yells at me again. 21:42, 21:42, 21:42…

"I guess those extra practices with Sora paid off, hmm?" Naminé says sweetly.

Her words remind me of all the hard work I've put in till now paying off. With Sora's help, I have to admit. I'm not so self-centered that I don't realize I wouldn't have lasted a week with that workout schedule if Sora hadn't been my partner. The thought brings me down from my cloud nine a little. Now on top of everything, I owe Sora a thanks. He still hates me though. Along with everyone else. EHK. Except Naminé.

I sigh to myself - I really need to start fixing things. Cause I really don't like the feeling of everyone hating me.

A/N: Hello friends and readers! After eating my weight in holiday meals, I have returned!

Unfortunately, I come with bad news. I have a HUGE test coming up in March that I'm devoting all my spare time to study for (yes, it's so big I need to study 2 months ahead). Literally, I studied for like 4 hours even on Christmas. So I probably won't be writing much till then.

I wanted to let you guys know, so I pumped this chapter out, so please enjoy the slight progression of events in this chapter. I just realized I have way too many loose ends that I should tie up before I continue...so tying up loose ends is coming up! Please let me know what you think about this sorta buffer-ish chapter.

And I have to say...I really do miss writing.