Chapter SEVENTEEN
To-do list by the end of this week
-English essay draft due Thursday
-Buy Snow Ball tickets! Early bird prices end Friday, and they're already too expensive...
-On that note, gotta ask the parental units for one-time allowance increase
-On a similar note, NOTE TO SELF: STOP BUYING COFFEE EVERY MORNING, THAT'S ALL THAT COMES UP ON MY CREDIT CARD BILL
-Also...Talk Take II is happening
I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.
"Hey Tidus, sorry about everything. That was all really dumb. We cool?"
…
"Hey man, sorry. Are we good?"
…
"Hey Tidus, I'm sorry. Are we okay?"
Practicing apologies in front of a mirror is totally normal, right?
I mean, with the way I'm acting, you'd think I ran over his cat or something. But no, I'm just being the bigger person and apologizing for making a big deal out of everything. The goal here is to keep The Talk Take II: Part A casual so this apology doesn't also get blown up into something ridiculous. Cause obviously, we've established the fact that I sometimes overreact. Tidus and I have always been chill, so that's the key to everything.
"Kairi, you're gonna be late!" comes my mom's voice from outside my room.
Checking the time, I grab my bag and dash towards the kitchen. After stashing a granola bar and an apple, I follow my mom out of the house. An entire day and a planned apology await.
"I can drop you off today," Mom offers as we step off the porch.
I pause, turning in her direction. "...oh!" I'm a little shocked by her offer, since usually she's running on a tight schedule. "Uh, yeah, okay."
Mom nods, and we get in the black SUV. If you think my car's old, you haven't checked out this family antique. Mom swears it was relatively new when they bought it secondhand n years ago, but I swear this must have been passed down from my grandparents or something. The windows have to be manually rolled down, the seats can't be adjusted, and one of the handles is jammed so we can only enter from one side of the car. I'm almost a bit worried it'll suddenly break down in the middle of the road, but Mom insists it passes inspection every time.
Suddenly I miss my baby. At least it can read CDs - this antique's only got a cassette reader.
I'm kinda curious why Mom's so chill this morning, so I figure I'd ask. "Aren't you gonna be late to work?"
Mom shrugs nonchalantly. "Oh, well, my boss said she's gonna be late today, so I thought I could spend some time with you. Cause you're usually out of the house in the mornings for your conditioning practices." She pauses, glancing at me. "Do you wanna get coffee?"
"Yeah! Wait, how do you know I usually get coffee in the morning?"
"Well, you only mention it every time you ask for allowance. I wanna see just how good the lattes are at this place that keeps hiking their prices."
How the hell does she remember that? I literally pulled that bullshit out of my ass that one time… "Ah, about that...that place is actually sorta out of the way. Also, I wanna try this new place on Shelton Drive…"
Mom and I chat about random stuff for the rest of the drive, which is surprisingly nice. Since she's so busy, I usually only update her about major things in life. Just talking about what I did yesterday is kinda strange. But I talk to her about going to class, hanging out with Naminé, and ordering takeout from the Thai place for dinner.
Also, is she supposed to know all these things that I don't remember telling her? Maybe it's just a 'Mom' thing...cause I swear I never told her about morning conditioning.
When we get to the coffee shop, there's no line but Mom takes a moment to look through their menu. I always default to my usual, an iced latte, when trying out a new place, but I wait for Mom to take her pick.
"Hi," she says when she finally steps up to the cashier, "can I get an iced latte and a matcha latte, to go?"
"What sizes would you like?" the cashier asks.
"Large please!" I chirp, figuring I'd go for it since Mom's paying.
Mom asks for the prices of all the sizes before settling on a small. So I see her stinginess is real.
"Why don't you get something for breakfast too?" Mom suggests. "I saw you grab the granola bar, and that's not enough to last you through the day."
My eyes widen at the variety of pastry options on display. "Can I get this?" I ask, pointing at the chocolate croissant.
"Is that all?" the cashier asks.
"Mom, you aren't getting anything to eat?"
"No, I'll just have my drink."
She smiles at me before paying, and suddenly I feel bad for some reason. That's also something moms are good at, right? Guilt-tripping you out of nowhere for some incomprehensible reason?
Because I'm short on time, we grab our drinks and pastries and head back to the car. I take a sip of my iced latte - wow, way too coffee-y - before finishing the croissant in a few bites.
"Can I have a sip?" I ask as I reach for Mom's matcha latte. The sweetness balances out the lingering bitterness of the coffee, and her drink is much milkier than my latte. "Wow, this tastes really good. Can we switch?"
My mom laughs. "Sure. You can just take mine - I don't drink coffee."
"Okay - wait, what?"
"I don't really like the taste of coffee," Mom repeats.
...huh?
I'm literally drawing a blank right now, which is making me panic. Mom doesn't even like coffee? Isn't this something I should know? How come I don't know this? Has Mom just never told me - no, no, even if she hasn't, I definitely should've known. But we have that coffee machine at home, from that one time -
Oh...I think I was the one who insisted on buying it at that garage sale.
"Wait, why'd we go to a coffee shop when you don't even drink coffee?" I suddenly ask, looking at Mom intently. She's making a turn, so her eyes remain fixed on the road.
Nonetheless, she laughs again. "Cause you wanted to, of course."
"But...you don't." I respond lamely, but that's honestly all there is to my point.
The car comes to a stop sign, and Mom turns to look at me.
"But you're my daughter. I'll always want what you want."
I take a sip of her matcha latte and let these...feelings stew inside me.
She pauses, steps on the gas pedal, and adds, "Within reasonable limits, of course. So don't take the chance to ask for more allowance."
"I wasn't gonna!" I protest, belatedly realizing that's actually a good idea.
"Sure, sure. I can see it in your eyes."
"You aren't even looking at me anymore!"
"Don't you know? Mothers are always looking."
"Stop it, Mom, you sound like a creep."
"Just trying to scare you into doing the right thing. Not that I usually worry, since you're too honest anyways."
"Sure, Mom - hey, what does that mean?"
We finally arrive at school, and before I can even think of how I'm getting home, Mom promises she'll also come pick me up. She then insists she has to go and leaves before I get to ask how she's also getting off work early. Now I want to start working.
Unfortunately, I still have the rest of high school and parents who insist I'm going to college. That's a good 6 years of schooling still.
Thinking about that makes me dread class already.
Nonetheless, the morning passes soon enough. I think part of the reason is because I'd planned to apologize to Tidus during lunch, so all the time building up to that seems to fly by way too quickly.
When the bell for lunch period rings, my stomach drops as I realize my countdown is over. I make my usual excuses for procrastinating: I'm not ready, he's not ready, I'm just gonna screw this over even more than it already is…
But I'm also tired of avoiding two important people in my life. I think I can finally kinda see Sora's point. So no matter how dumb I feel at the moment, I'm just gonna suck it up and try to move on from all of this. We're already months into junior year and why is this still hanging over me?
Plus, knowing I might talk myself out of it, I texted Tidus last night before bed asking to meet up for lunch. And I also told Naminé about my plan, so she can hold me accountable.
I just know myself too well.
"So, you're gonna talk to Tidus today?" Naminé asks as we pack our bags.
I stuff my pencilcase into my backpack. "Yup…" Trailing off, I realize I have nothing else to sigh. So I just sigh heavily, hoping that conveys my thoughts that I can't even figure out.
"Don't look so stressed! It's not a midterm or anything - just talking to Tidus," Naminé chirps encouragingly.
"Can you apologize for me, Naminé?" I ask, half-sincerely.
She laughs. "If things worked that way, I would. But you know you have to do it." She pauses, patting me on the back. "Do you know what you're gonna say?"
I draw a deep breath to recite my practiced lines. "Hey Tidus, sorry about getting upset with you and Selphie. I was really dumb. Are we okay?"
I look at Naminé hopefully, and she nods encouragingly. "Sounds good! I can tell you're trying to keep it chill? I think that'd work well with Tidus."
I smile, glad at least someone can tell my intentions. "Right. I mean, it's Tidus. Sure, this is probably the biggest fight we've had since...ever, but - we usually don't actually say sorry and just know to let things go. But I mean, I guess this time it's actually my fault, so I should apologize. Chill though. You think it was chill enough?"
"Chillier than my dad's cold jokes...and they're pretty bad. Do you need one right now?"
"Sure, give me your best."
Naminé clears her throat. "So...what's red and smells like blue paint?"
"...huh?"
"Red paint."
"...ha, that's actually kinda funny." I snicker at Naminé's deadpanned expression.
"Wow, of course you and my dad would share the same sense of humor." She rolls her eyes and manages a smile. "Okay, you ready?"
"Yes Coach!"
"I can't hear you!"
"SIR YESSIR! Ma'am," I correct after the thought, grinning at my number one supporter. She pats me on the back and I wave at her as I head towards the cafeteria.
I told Tidus I'd meet him at the tables just outside the cafeteria entrance. To my surprise, I arrive first. I'm glad I do though, because that gives me time to mentally prepare myself. I can't believe I'm freaking out so much when it's only Part A. I mean, I'll probably have to go through this all again with Part B when I talk to Selphie -
- Selphie...who's heading over right now. To me? Wait, what? Why is she coming over here?
We've made eye contact, so we have to say something to each other now. Smiling gracefully, she doesn't seem the least affected by the words we exchanged last time.
"Kairi. What are you doing here?" she asks with a smile.
I pause, gulping nervously before piecing together my reply. "I'm here to - Tidus, I texted Tidus, to meet here, and - what are you doing here?" I pause, wondering if my words came off as aggressive. "I mean...don't you have class now?"
Selphie shrugs before taking a seat. "Class got cancelled, and Tidus mentioned eating lunch outside so I thought I'd ambush him. I didn't realize you guys were meeting…sorry for crashing."
"No, it's okay, we weren't really gonna have lunch together anyways…" I trail off, wondering if that was what Tidus thought.
"So what are you guys meeting for then?" Selphie asks.
Her question might've come off as accusatory if it were anyone else. Selphie's probably the only person I know who can speak like that and come off as just asking a sincere question. She's just being her straightforward self. And since I'm done with putting up walls, I figure there's no harm in 'fessing up.
"To apologize. I was gonna say sorry to him first before you, but I guess there's no difference." I pause, looking Selphie in the eye. "I'm sorry for everything. It was dumb, and...I'm sorry. I miss being friends...really."
Selphie pauses, and it's a long stretch of silence that goes on forever in my mind. But then, the next thing I know, Selphie's beaming.
"Ah!" I exclaim.
Her arm wraps around my neck and she pulls me in closer. "You're such a dummy, girl! You didn't have to say all that!"
"What? No, I do," I hastily insist as I hug Selphie back. "Also, I'm sorry for what I said last time...I didn't actually mean it. I know we were friends cause you thought I was cool and I thought you were pretty cool too. I was just really upset when I found out you guys started going out, and somehow I came up with that excuse...pretty creative, huh?"
Selphie lets go of me and frowns. "Yeah, I'd say creative bordering insane. How the hell did you even think something like that? I mean, after you said that, I honestly thought for awhile you really believed that. Cause if that's the case...I should apologize. I never wanted you to feel that way."
"No! I was just being dumb...I'm sorry, Selphie. For everything."
"I know." Selphie smiles. "Me too, girl." She pats me on the shoulder. "Thanks for saying all that though. It makes me feel a lot better."
"Please, I feel even better." I smile widely, thoroughly encouraged by Selphie's response. I was actually more worried about Part B, but since it's proceeded so smoothly, Part A with Tidus is only gonna be a piece of cake, isn't it? Why'd I have to make a big deal out of everything? Obviously, it's not a big deal and I just have to tell him I'm sorry.
My eyes quickly spot Tidus' rapidly approaching figure. Clearing my throat to prepare for my monologue, I smile at him in greeting. Selphie gets up and walks over towards him.
"What are you doing here?" he asks Selphie, surprised.
"Class got cancelled, so I figured I'd surprise you! You didn't tell me you're meeting Kairi today."
She and Tidus reach the table now, and Tidus shoots me a quick look. "Yeah...forgot to mention it. Hey," he greets me solemnly with a slight nod.
"Hey," I repeat, "I just wanted to say I'm sorry about the whole thing with me getting upset at you and Selphie. It was dumb, and I'm sorry, so can we just move on?"
…
Tidus doesn't respond for awhile. Then, to my surprise, his eyebrows furrow as if he were...annoyed? Upset?
"That's it?" he asks.
"...huh?"
"That's all you wanted to say? That's why you texted me to meet up?"
"Well...yeah. Basically." I blink. What was he expecting? A handwritten two-page apology letter?
Tidus rolls his eyes. "Kairi, I don't think you actually get it. Cause you don't sound sorry."
"What? I am! I just said it!" What more does he want from me?
"No, you just want to get over things, like you said. But we aren't moving on from this if you think everything that happened was just dumb."
I frown, resting my hands on my hips. "You know, you sound really condescending right now - "
"Okay, I didn't mean it like that," Tidus quickly concedes, probably partially due to the hand Selphie rests on his arm. Tidus draws a deep breath and exhales. "Look, Kairi I know you're probably a little confused now, and I'm afraid I'll say something I regret so I'm gonna go. Just...actually apologize to me next time, okay?"
"Actually apologize, like wha - wait, Tidus!" I exclaim as he turns around and leaves. I'm still confused, half by what he said, half by his non-reaction to my apology. So I apologized, but he doesn't consider it an apology, cause - cause what?
I'm so confused I'm getting a little frustrated.
"I think this whole thing affected Tidus more than me," Selphie begins, giving my arm a tender squeeze. "Since you guys weren't talking for such a long time...I don't think he just wants things to go back to normal or anything. He was really hurt, and he wants that hurt to be validated."
"Well, okay, that's why I apologized!" I exclaim. "I'm sorry for hurting him! But why's he acting like he's the only one who got hurt? I was hurt too, and so were you!"
"I know, but you're apologizing to him, so let's focus on him, okay? I remember him telling me he doesn't remember the last time you guys didn't talk for so long. I - I should probably go check on him too," Selphie sighs, rising to her feet.
"Wait!" I say as she dials a number on her phone and rests is by her ear. "So why's he upset with me? Did I sound too insincere, or what?"
"No - well, maybe partially. I'm sure you know this cause he's your cousin, but Tidus doesn't treat relationships casually. He's usually really easygoing and all that, but when it comes to relationships, he's really careful. I think he just wants to know that you also care about your relationship with him too."
"But what does - "
"Hello? Tidus?" she says into her phone. Shooting me a smile, she dashes off before I can ask her anything else. Staring at her retreating figure, I'm left with my thoughts, which mainly center around the last 10 minutes of my life. My unplanned apology to Selphie was a success, but my planned apology to Tidus ended up in flames.
So, what the hell went wrong?
A/N: And this college graduating senior continues procrastinating studying for finals by doing anything possible. Which sometimes includes sitting myself down to write this story instead of starting a new idea (when I already have a billion unfinished ideas).
Much love to those who've left reviews and really encouraged me to write this chapter!
Clogallie out, still going strong.