Chapter TWENTY
Almost time for the Snow Ball!
-Dress-shopping with Naminé!
-So is she going with someone? She needs to let me know cause I was gonna get ready with her
-But if she's going with someone then I have to show up by myself which is lame
-I can't believe she's still holding out on me
-lol this isn't a very productive list
"How's this?"
Naminé holds up a black-colored dress against her body. I stare at it for a moment.
"Hmm, maybe it's cause you usually wear white, I don't see you wearing something dark-colored."
"That's what I was thinking. I don't have many darker colored clothes so I thought I'd try something darker for the Snow Ball." She contemplates the dress for a moment but then puts it back on the rack. "It'd look weird, won't it?"
Naminé's abnormally pessimistic tone doesn't escape me. "No it won't! If you wanna, go for it! I just think this one doesn't fit cause of the cut - the neckline's a little weird."
"Curse my nonexistent chest."
"Are you actually complaining about being thin?"
"Curves are the new thing, aren't they?"
I roll my eyes. Lifting one foot off the ground, I attempt to wrap my hand around my thigh. Keyword: attempt. "Well not when you have ginormous thighs. Athlete problems," I lament.
"At least you have a butt."
"Says the one with the skinniest ankles."
"Your legs are ridiculously long."
I snort. "Your torso is so long that you have no tummy."
"We're really good at this building each other up thing, aren't we?" she says with a smile.
I lean over to give Naminé a high-five. "Always your number one supporter, bestie."
Finally, a smile stretches across her face. "Yeah, you too. Thanks, Kairi."
"So, who were you gonna go to the Snow Ball with?"
The silence lingers, and I realize maybe I've jumped the gun. Earlier today, she'd asked what my pre-dance plans were, which implies she wants to join in, right? Ergo, she isn't going with her mysterious suitor. Ergo, something went wrong.
Ergo, she should tell her best friend about it, right?
She draws a deep breath and sighs. "Kairi…" she begins with a warning tucked in her tone, so I beat her to the chase.
"C'mon, Naminé. Is there someone I need to beat up? Or knock some sense into? I mean, it's you. Who the hell wouldn't wanna go with you to the Snow Ball?"
"Look, Kairi, I appreciate it, but you're kind of just rubbing salt on the wound now - "
"Maybe he's being a coward. Maybe he thinks you're already going with someone, or something. Or maybe he thinks you're gonna ask. You should just go for it, Naminé!"
"Kairi."
Her stern voice catches my attention, and I come to an abrupt stop. As I've definitely said before, Naminé's the epitome of calm, cool, collected. For her to lose her temper with me is saying something.
Maybe saying something more about me than her.
"...sorry," she apologizes with another sigh. "I just - don't wanna talk about it. Can we drop it?"
"I - I'm just trying to help!"
Naminé's tone drops to a deadly low pitch. "I don't need help, Kairi."
"I - "
Before I can finish my sentence, Naminé abruptly shifts her body to face away from me, focused on the rack of clothes instead. The silence settles once more, and I exhale deeply, hoping the frustration leaves my body with my breath.
It doesn't.
Of course, Naminé's a pro at the passive aggressive game. But I like to think I'm also not too shabby. We awkwardly finish our own shopping in the store and convene at the entrance, both deciding to walk out empty-handed.
Silently, we head towards our next destination, which is just the next store over. Trickling towards opposite sides, we coexist peacefully without any interaction.
Angling myself and grabbing a random shirt from the rack, I furtively glance at Naminé's direction. She seems to be intently staring at the pastel-colored dress in her hands. I draw a deep breath, trying to remember the last time we got in a mini-fight like this. They aren't too common, given Naminé's endless patience with anything and everything, so I can't think of a particular instance.
This does remind me of the beginning of me, Tidus, and Selphie's fight though.
How did I resolve that again…?
Ah. Validation. And talking about shoes.
Matching her steps, I approach the center of the store where mannequins model the store's promotional outfits. She notices my presence and tries to keep her eyes focused on the mannequin's shoes. I step up right next to her, my shoulder just a hair's width away from hers.
"Aren't they a bit too tall?" I ask, glancing at the mannequin's admittedly gorgeous heels.
"...yeah, I think so," Naminé murmurs back. "I'm not gonna pay $100 for a ticket just to stand around looking pretty for 2 hours."
"Student Council's robbing us blind."
"Yeah, who knows where that money's going? I just hope the music's better than last year."
This is my chance to offer an olive branch! "Do you wanna get ready together?"
Naminé pauses, fiddling with the fabric of the dress. "Maybe. Can I let you know next week?"
"Still holding out?" I tease. Maybe that's not the right thing to say. "Whoever it is, they're the one missing out."
She smiles. "I was just thinking I might take your advice and ask someone."
"Yeah!" I pat her on the back enthusiastically, to which she winces and shoots me a look. Apologizing with a sheepish grin, I chuckle. But hey, she's taking my suggestion! Which means she isn't mad at me anymore, right?
We exit the store making small talk, and I silently cheer for the successful recovery. One point to Kairi and her accumulating tact, one day destined to wield her sociability for the greater good -
"Oh, is that Sora?" Naminé points at the lone figure dawdling by the mall's directory, staring at his phone. Given his ratty attire, I assume he's just done with practice, which makes me wonder what he's doing in the mall instead of taking a shower.
Which means I get to tease him for being smelly!
"Hey!" I greet from afar, rapidly approaching with a wide grin. He looks up from his phone and grins, nodding back at me. "I could smell you from way over there."
"Kairi!" Naminé exclaims, knocking me on the arm. Sora just laughs, tucking his phone away and regarding both of us.
"Hey Kairi, and hi Naminé. Whatcha guys doing?"
"Dress shopping, to avoid last year's issue." When Sora raises a brow curiously, I roll my eyes. "Long story short, never trust your mom's taste. Okay, maybe you can, cause Mrs. Hikari is always dressed really well. You should take some pointers."
"I don't really need to braid my hair or accessorize, so pass," he says with a chuckle.
"What're you doing here?" Naminé asks, noting his lack of bags. "Waiting for someone?"
"Oh yeah, actually, now that you mention it - " He glances at me, and I'm not sure if he's giving me a look or something, so I ignore it and let him turn back to Naminé. When he does speak, I realize that pause had been deliberate.
"I'm waiting for Riku. From soccer? He's getting some tape at that sports store over there."
...oh.
Honestly, it's a pure stroke of luck that I haven't bumped into Riku yet this semester. Halfway through the school year, and not much beyond the occasional glance from afar! Considering that one of his teammates is my cousin and the other is my friend (yes, Sora is my friend. Why do I still need to convince myself of this fact?), you'd think he'd come up by now.
But hey, I ain't complaining when life works out in my favor for once.
Before you get carried away with speculations, let me just say our breakup wasn't that bad. There were some unwarranted accusations from both parties, but I figure it's normal when you're ending a relationship, even for hyper-rational people like Riku. Anyways, we're more just the awkward exes. And since neither of us seem particularly motivated to move on, we've been stuck in that phase since breaking up at the beginning of summer.
Huh, so it's been almost 6 months. Feels like it's been less than time.
When I snap back to reality, I realize both Sora and Naminé are cautiously watching me. While I appreciate their sensitivity, this is all a bit too obvious for my comfort. I'm supposed to just act casual, right? Be casual, Kairi.
"Weeeell, we'd better get going. See you, Sora!"
W-O-W, Kairi, much casual? Such swag? Too cool for school?
I suck at life, guys. I actually suck at life.
And since Life wants to teach me a lesson, or maybe just likes messing with people, or simply wants to fuck me over, it decides to take away my running stroke of luck.
"Hey man, thanks for waiting, they said they ran out and had to check their inventory for - oh."
I don't need to turn around to recognize that voice. It's been awhile, but my memory for the most random things (like song lyrics and the pizza place's number) has always been pretty good. My instinct is to freeze in place, so it takes a lot of overriding that signal in my brain to get moving.
"Hey, Kairi."
I force myself to turn around and face him. Like I said, I've seen him from afar a few times but never this close since we broke up. And like I said, we're still super awkward with each other. It takes everything for me to summon a terse smile. Just gotta be cool, be casual.
Be cool.
The silence grows so loud it threatens to swallow me whole. I'm thinking I'd like that when Riku angles his body towards the side a little.
"And Naminé, right? Sorry, I'm bad with names."
"No, you're right - I'm Naminé," she says with a grin. "Nice to see you again."
"Right." His eyes flicker towards me, and I quickly maintain my smile. His eyes continue drifting towards Sora. "You wanna go?"
"Yeah…" He trails off awkwardly, stepping towards Riku and waving goodbye. "See you guys at school."
Thankfully, Naminé speaks up for me. "Yup, see you guys!" she calls out after them as they walk off. One step, three steps, five...and they round the corner, probably headed towards the elevator.
I let go of a breath I hadn't realized I was holding.
"Are you okay, Kairi?" Naminé asks with concern, a hand resting on my shoulder.
I try to convey that I'm fine with a small smile. "Yeah. Yeah, I just - I was surprised. Didn't know he was here."
Naminé hesitates for a moment but eventually speaks up. "Do you...do you wanna talk about it?"
"...not really. Well," I think about it quickly. "Was I pretty casual?"
"...Kairi. You didn't say anything."
"Casual enough, right?"
"...I'm sure he understands, Kairi, that things are just a little awkward between you guys."
"But it's been almost 6 months! Things shouldn't be awkward anymore. I need to prove that we're still friends!" I exclaim and then sigh. "Sorry, I think this is kinda getting to me. Especially since he caught me off guard."
"It's okay, I can imagine how overwhelmed you feel right now...you shouldn't have to worry about what you're supposed to feel - just what you do feel."
"I feel...confused, Naminé."
"How?"
"I just can't tell what I'm feeling. Like I know I'm supposed to feel one way, like casual and okay with everything and all that, but I don't." I wonder if I'm making any sense to Naminé. "Lemme think about it and I'll talk to you later."
"Yeah, of course. Just let me know if you wanna talk about it."
"Okay...yeah, thanks Naminé." Glancing towards her, I suddenly realize how nice she is. And I mean, Naminé's always nice, but she's really nice now. Like she's being really supportive, and nice, and...I'm not…?
"Huh?" she asks, noticing my intense glare at her. "Is something wrong?"
"...yeah." I pause. "No, nothing's wrong, just...trying to think."
She giggles, a hand raised to cover her mouth. "Okay, well, you keep thinking then. Should we head out though? My dad wants me home by 6 for another 'family dinner' and I guess I did promise him…"
My mind trails off to the epiphany I'm gradually trying to reach in my mind. A lot of people, including Tidus and my mom, have told me I'm a slow learner. So screw me if my grades suck. But what I think they meant is that I tend to lag sometimes. Which, okay, I can admit. That's why it took me so long to make up with Tidus and Selphie. But I'm not dumb, by which I mean I don't make the same mistakes over and over again. I may be slow, but I still learn. And I'm grasping at an epiphany that's about to strike any moment, and I'm trying hard to focus, but only one salient though comes through:
I feel like I'm a pretty bad best friend.
After getting back home, I drop my shopping bags in my room and head back out into the living room. I collapse on the couch next to Dad, tempted by the heavenly scent of homemade food (for once!) wafting from the kitchen. That's right - I'd almost forgotten Mom's actually making food tonight.
Mom's been suspiciously domestic these days, if you know what I mean. Usually she's too busy with work to bother picking me up or making dinner.
"How was your day?" Mom asks as I turn on the TV, idly surfing channels.
"Fine. How about you?"
"Not bad. Did you have track practice after school?"
"Cross-country!" I exclaim, intent on making the difference clear. "We had a short core workout and then Coach Tellah left early, cause he said he had a doctor's appointment...then I went shopping with Naminé."
"So is that where the allowance increases are going?" Mom teases.
"No! It's cause the Snow Ball's coming up, and I have nothing to wear! And don't give me the 'You have a whole closet of clothes' spiel, I've worn all my dresses to some dance already. And don't try giving me one of yours, they all look frumpy. And last year when we rented that dress - I swear I'm never trusting your tastes again. "
"Okay, okay, I get your point," Mom says, serving a pot of something that smells delicious on the dinner table. "Can you give your dad a call to see where he is?"
"Will do."
Fortunately, before I even have to dial his number, Dad shows up on the front door. This is literally 3 times as many people that are usually home at this time of the day, so needless to say I'm a little excited. I mean, I even help set the table! How much nicer can I get?
"How was your day, darling?" Mom asks Dad as I help myself to a hearty serving of mac 'n cheese. Oh my god this beats frozen food - it even beats that diner down the street…
"Good, good. Worked most of the day, and I met Amanda for lunch. Oh, she says you and Tidus aren't fighting anymore?"
It takes me a moment to realize he's talking to me. I swallow a mouthful of mac 'n cheese - let's be real, basically just cheese - and grin in response.
"Yup, we're cool now."
"That's good to hear. They weren't talking to each other cause Tidus was dating her best friend or something," he explains to Mom, and of course he reduces a problem I've angsted over for months to such a trivial teenage drama trope.
I guess I am a teenager, dramatic, and rather trivial though.
"How was your day, Kairi?" Dad continues probing.
All this attention from the parental units is kinda weird. "Well, it was normal. I had cross-country practice after school and then went shopping with Naminé - "
"Didn't you have a math test today?" Mom asks.
Oh my god she already knows?!
"Uh, yeah it was yesterday…"
"...so, how'd it go?"
"Well, we got them back today and...I hate math, so…"
"..."
"..."
"Did you pass?" Dad asks bluntly.
"Of course I did! Have some faith! My grades suck but they're not horrible."
"So how'd you do?" Mom probes again.
I'm reluctant to admit, but what can I say to a direct question like that? "A 76…I was so close to a C+! He took off partial points cause I didn't show enough work for one of the questions...but I basically got the concept right! It's not fair!"
Mom and Dad sigh tiredly. I get the feeling that I know where the rest of this conversation is going.
"Kairi, if you know math is hard for you, you should try spending more time on it. Doesn't your school offer tutoring? If not, maybe I can try asking someone…"
"So this is what the 'family dinner' is for?"
Mom pauses, looking at me with wide eyes. "What do you mean?"
"You just wanted to get us all together and talk about my bad grades and how important college is, huh?"
"...Kairi. This is important to us, and it should be important to you. We can talk about college and other things later, but for now, let's focus on your classes…"
I'm used to these conversations - or, more like listening to these monologues. It used to be the main form of communication between me and my mom, since she's too busy to care about other parts of my life outside of school. It's sad when you put it like that, but everything else seems to come secondary to getting good grades to her.
"...don't want to have to ground you again, but if we need to - "
"No!" I exclaim urgently, head darting up. They can't ground me now! Since Mom's more around now, I can't count on her getting too busy with work and 'forgetting' that I'm grounded. And with Snow Ball around the corner - they can't do this to me!
"I'll study harder, okay? I will, I promise. It's just - " I pause, wondering whether I should be the one to bring it up. "The Snow Ball's coming up...I just bought the tickets, so I don't wanna waste them…"
Mom and Dad give each other a long, meaningful look that I'm supposed to be able to interpret, but I can't. Then, as if one cue, they turn back to me simultaneously.
"Kairi...you really should stop spending so much money on things and study more. I can't stress enough how important your grades are..."
It kinda sucks that even though I know exactly what she's gonna say, I still can't stop the knife stabbing at my heart. Mom looks tired too, like she's tired of giving this spiel. I know from the outside, the situation seems easy to resolve: just get good grades, Kairi. Just study harder, Kairi. Easier said than done, right? I swear, I think I'm just not smart enough. I don't get how some of my classmates get such good grades and do a billion extracurriculars. I can barely manage my own life, much less study and join clubs and volunteer and such.
I peer towards Dad, who's usually there to cut in when Mom starts going off, but he's giving me a stern look. So it appears he's on her side this time.
I sigh, dwelling on this depressing family dinner conversation that I really can't do much about. And not for the first time this week, I think:
Life sucks.
A/N: Hello! We have some tangents occurring in this chapter, and the perhaps forgotten fact that Kairi's ex is Riku finally comes up! See, these little subplots eventually all come back to haunt you, aka this author is taking responsibility for all the bread crumbs she dropped for fun oops.
Drop a review and let me know what you think!