YAMI NO MATSUEI - DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS

The Shadows of My Past

Chapter Two: Life-Altering Changes

Timeline: December 27

Tatsumi Seiichiro's seventh birthday

Shadows hovering over me and striking fear in my heart...that was the very first image imbedded in my memories and nightmares when I was a child.

Whenever the shadows crept from the crevices and warped my dreams, which happened every night for the first seven years of my life, there was one benevolent and beautiful savior that came to my rescue…

Mother….

As soon as Mother heard me scream, she would run to my room. Her face graced a gentle smile as she found me crying and quivering in my bed. She cuddled me until the warmth of her tight embrace and soothing voice pacified my fears, lulling me once more to sleep.

The first seven years of my life went by quickly...too quickly...

Due to the Hallway's power to bend time, I was now reliving my life. I was fully aware of what I know about life as a human being and as a shinigami. However, I was completely unable to change any of the past events. All that I could be was a silent spectator. I was bound to seeing, feeling, thinking, touching, tasting, smelling, and hearing everything that my younger self was experiencing.

Although I knew how the path of my so-called life would go, it was as if I was experiencing everything for the very first time. The Earl had advised me that I would have the knowledge to discern what I perceive was right or wrong in the way my life would progress, but I would not have the power to change anything.

And even though I had the privilege to change anything these first seven years, I would not change a single thing...even if it meant that my younger sister Inari would stop whining or bugging me.

So far, the events that transpired during the almost-seven years of my life ranged from the mundane to the amusing. I remembered coming across a psychology book that mentioned that the first seven years of a child's life would also serve as his or her defining years.

Before this experience of returning to my past, I did not believe in such a constricting claim. If there was a semblance of truth to this theory, my first seven years of life really defined my fate and identity. The first seven years of my life set those two aspects in stone starting tonight – the eve of my seventh birthday.

My present self, now forced to relive my life through younger eyes, reopened the wounds of the past. I could not help but find myself screaming messages of encouragement and wisdom. I end up feeling helpless and frustrated to see my younger half suffer through the same debilitating emotions that started the cycle of who I became as a person.

I was tired of feeling helpless and frustrated. I was already dead and my afterlife was slowly but surely suffocating and killing me all over again.

This very feeling was the reason why I asked the Earl for such an unprecedented favor.

Since the morning of my birthday, my eyes maintained their melancholic and intently transfixed gaze at the wooden coffin propped in front of me. I did not recall as to how long I sat before the shrine that day. Even though I was reliving this sliver of my life, I still lost track of time. All I knew was that I stayed there for hours and stared at the coffin since mid-day.

"You're now the man of this household, Seiichiro. Take care of Mother and your younger sister. You're now their provider and protector," said the familiar voice that echoed inside my head since last night...its owner having undergone the last throes before death to ensure that my family would be safe.

What bothered me most was that the owner of that voice had more faith in my abilities than I ever would.

My insides were screaming that day, and for many years after this fated day.

At age seven, I learned that life and fate were so unfair to my family. As much as I had been honored and entrusted with such a responsibility, I knew that I was not ready.

Why did this rite of passage to manhood have to happen so soon for me?

I wanted to cry out to Heaven and tell the gods how cruel they were for sealing my family's fate. However, I felt too suffocated to even fathom how hurt, angry, and sad I was over Father's death.

I repeated my wish inside my head, as if it was a mantra. I wished that this was all a bad dream. I wished that I would wake up very soon from this terrible, cursed, and nebulous haze.

After half a day had already passed by, I resignedly accepted that the fact before me was not a bad dream. Everything – including the cold-looking coffin in front of me – was real.

"Seiichiro, please eat something," proposed Mother as she rested her hand over my left shoulder. Although she used the gentlest voice that she could possibly muster, her efforts failed to comfort me.

"I'm okay, Mother," I replied without removing my gaze at Father's portrait and withholding the tears that were about to fall. Although I knew that such gestures would be fruitless and moot, part of me wished that Father would live again. If the gods would not grant my father's resurrection, I guess that part of me wanted to hold on to the memory of what he looked like when he was still alive.

Miffed and concerned, she pointed out while trying to suppress her tears, "You haven't eaten anything since last night! The last thing that I wanted to happen is for you to follow your father!"

I saw the expression of her face and the widening of her eyes the second she said those words. Shock and sadness made her stop as she realized what she just told me. I could not blame her frustration. She had just offered me food for the fifth time since this morning and once again, I refused to listen to her.

I guess that I was just completely numbed and shocked about everything. I was so numb that I never even paid attention to the fact that she had been sitting beside me all the time since this morning.

There was a long silence between us. Mother sat there as her eyes focused on me.

"I..."

Mother shifted from where she sat once she heard me talk. She scooted closer to where I sat.

"I want Father back! This isn't fair!" I cried out as warm tears began to flow down my cheeks and my emotions caved in.

Mother's azure eyes glistened. She drew me close to her and hugged me. The fast-paced beating of her heart did not coincide with her calm demeanor.

As I sobbed, she consolingly rubbed my back and soothingly whispered, "I'm sorry, Seiichiro. I didn't mean to hurt you with my words. I just don't want you to get sick. I'm sure that Father wouldn't want that to happen, either."

"Why did he have to leave us so soon, Mother? Doesn't he want to be with us anymore?" I asked while trying to hide the hurt and emptiness that I felt inside my heart and soul.

Mother gently cupped my face with her soft hands. She stared into my eyes, gave me an empathetic smile, and then hugged me even tighter. "The gods have called your father. It was already his destined time. He has been very sick. The gods didn't wish to prolong his suffering. If he had the choice, he would've wanted to stay with us. He would've loved to watch you and Inari grow up. He would've wished to grow old and to be with us as much as he possibly could. However, we must honor and respect what the gods have deemed for your father."

After a long period of silence between us, Mother kissed my forehead and then continued, "Please remember that Father and I love you and your sister very much. We want to protect you and your sister as much as we could. We'd rather suffer the cruelest of fates, if it meant sparing you and Inari from enduring such misfortune. Your father might have left us in body, but he'll always be with us in spirit. Right now, he needs our love and prayers."

Still resting my head against her chest and finding a small grain of comfort, I told her while my eyes were closed, "I don't know if I could handle being the head of the family, but I'll try..."

Sighing deeply, she remarked, "We have faith in you. You also don't have to handle this burden alone, Seiichiro. I'm here. Inari's also with us."

Shortly thereafter, as I felt some of her teardrops fall on my shoulder and back, I murmured, "I'm going to do my best, Mother. I'm going to do my best so that you and Inari don't have to cry anymore."

As I continued embracing my mother, my mind's eye kept replaying the very moment that changed my family's life...Father's death.

My younger sister and I grew up respecting and adoring our parents. If there were traits that Father was known for by those who truly knew him, it would have been his optimism and wisdom. Others considered such traits as ironic, especially for a man whose family fell to the bottom rung of the social and financial status ladder due to a series of family misfortunes that siphoned his clan's wealth when he was barely thirteen.

Throughout the course of the years, Father saw the immediate members of his family compromise their virtues over money. Out of all the family members, including his parents, Father kept his steadfast principles and believed that if a person was passionate about his craft then the money would follow. As a farmer and businessman, he worked with diligence and honor. As a husband, he tenderly encouraged Mother even though she was not a gifted homemaker...let alone a terrible cook. As a father, he was fair and patient.

My mother, a noble woman, left the comforts of her family status and eloped with Father. She loved her family with all her heart. She might not be a good homemaker or cook, but she made up for her domestic shortcomings with love and understanding.

One fact that I established about them throughout the course of my life, and afterlife, was that my parents truly loved each other. Together, they made a loving heaven out of the financial hell that our family lived in. What was important to them was that they built a home, brought the best out of each other, and did their best to impart those lessons to their children. They defended each other from their respective family's harsh tongue and ostracism.

How I wished that others saw past the poverty that my family was enduring. I wished that everyone had known my parents for the wonderful people that they were. Instead, many people have misjudged my parents.

Mother's parents accused Father for aspiring to remove his parents from impoverished conditions.

Father's family threw scathing remarks against Mother for not being a skilled homemaker. The criticisms became worse when they found out that her parents disowned her.

As silent and forgiving as my parents were about their familial experiences, I knew that their parents' harsh words deeply hurt them. Just as any child, they would have wanted the love and acceptance of their parents. I knew that such denial from their parents had hurt them for many years.

Although I should be finding comfort from Mother's embrace, my eyes narrowed and the blood rushed to my head. Those gossipmongers were all wrong about my parents. With Father's death and Mother's grieving, how I wish that those holier-than-thou people could take back every insult or criticism that they have thrown against my family. I did not care whether some of those people were my relatives.

In my eyes, they owe us an apology.

Someday, as the head of my family, I would reclaim what rightfully belonged to us. I swear that I would carry out that much-needed retribution. That retribution might be not now, but in the near or distant future. I would not settle for anything less.

A chill traveled down my spine as I felt a presence watch over Mother and me. Without budging, my eyes scanned the room.

Looking straight ahead at the corner of the room were those shadows that I dreaded in my nightmares. As they seeped through my waking hours and made their presence known, this was the first time that I felt an affiliation with them.

Today, my seventh birthday, was the beginning of my dark life. The day that changed my life and robbed me of my childhood was also the day that I discovered and welcomed my life-long friends.

While the shadows' shapeless forms swirled and danced, I could not help but compare them with the future that was before me...dark, uncertain, mysterious, and dangerous.

End of Chapter Two

Author's Side Note

I hope that you liked the first seven years of Tatsumi Seiichiro's life. Let me know what you think via constructive reviews ;-D.

Warmest Regards, PJ Zatken

Normal Disclaimer

Yami No Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness) and its characters are copyrighted properties of Matsushita Yoko. This fan fiction and the original characters that appear within this fan fiction belong to Zatken.