Chapter TWENTY THREE

Things I could say to Riku to start a conversation

-Hey, sorry to bother. Do you by any chance remember the name of that indie movie we watched near Thanksgiving last year…?
-So, I heard you were gonna ask someone to Fall Formal, who was it?
-Nice weather, huh?
-You are the worst I hate you why would I even want to talk to him huh?

"Hey guys," Riku greets nonchalantly as he approaches.

I feel a layer of ice freezing over my skin, immobilizing my body. Is this what hell feels like?

From my side, Sora sighs and then makes the effort to visibly perk up a little. "Hey man. What's up?"

"Not much, just chilling." Riku gives us a look with an arched brow. "You guys come together?"

My brain is still on its eternal lag, comprehending each word one by one. By the time the implication of his words catch up to me, Sora's already answering for us.

"Ha! What? No, we literally just bumped into each other."

My eyes then drift towards Sora, giving him a very unimpressed look. Okay, his vehement denial is duly noted. Because it'd be totally atrocious to come with me, huh? To even be associated with me? I mean, he could've denied it a little less intensely...

Sora looks at me from the corner of his eye. I give him a look to convey my above thoughts, but I suppose widened eyes of rage might've not delivered the message so well.

"Okay...anyways," Riku grins, "are you having fun?"

Am I the only one who feels infinitely awkward in this scenario? Why does Riku not take the first opportunity and high-tail it outta here, instead prolonging the pain by carrying on small talk? Small talk!

"Sure. This punch is great," Sora says, raising the plastic cup in his hand. "When'd you get here? I thought you guys - you weren't coming till...later."

"Oh. Well, we got here right after dinner. And I'm glad I did - otherwise I would've missed Wakka's conga line!" He and Sora burst out laughing about something, and I realize I should probably chuckle along out of propriety.

"Did you end up asking anyone?" Riku asks Sora. And since this is a very interesting conversation topic, I turn towards Sora as well.

Sora blinks a few times and laughs disarmingly. "What? No, I told you, right? No one to ask." He shrugs, as if to say, 'what can I do?' Riku rolls his eyes.

"I'm pretty sure there's a lot of people who you could've asked," Riku says.

"Right...but no one I really wanted to, I guess. Ahem, anyways - "

"Oh, that's right. Cause of the whole, 'I want it to mean something,' right?" Riku chuckles, patting Sora on the shoulder. "I respect that, man. I asked Riku kinda sorta just to be funny."

...wait, what? He asked himself?

Sora grins. "Rikku-with-two-k's?"

...ohh.

Riku-with-one-k smiles back. "Yup. It's funny, right?"

He asked Rikku-with-two-k's?

Sora grins. "Right. Where is she, by the way? Shouldn't you guys be together?"

He asked Rikku-with-two-k's?

"Good point, I should go find her. I'll see you guys later then, Sora, Kairi." He briefly looks me in the eye, and I manage to look at him for a good 3 seconds before turning away! How's that for progress, huh?

Riku enters the crowd once more, and a chill rushes over me. It's not necessarily a bad chill, however. It's more like a sudden quietness within my body, despite the booming music.

"...is this what closure feels like?" I murmur to myself.

"No, this is what awkward exes feel like," Sora supplies helpfully.

I shoot him a stern glare. "I hate you."

"Just telling the truth...you guys literally did not say a word to each other."

I'm about to rebut but realize the truth to his words. "J - just cause he was talking to you!" I stammer, crafting a response. "I didn't want to interrupt."

"...that's really polite of you, Kairi."

"Whatever. Why'd Riku ask Rikku-with-two-k's?"

Sora hesitates for a moment before speaking. "Like he said," Sora points out, "I guess it's mostly just to be funny? I don't know, Kairi."

All the possibilities run through my head. He says it's just to be funny, but Riku's not even a funny person. He's quite serious. So he must've been serious when asking her! Why Rikku-with-two-k's though? Just cause she's nice, pretty, and popular? I mean, I guess that's a solid criteria. How do Riku and Rikku-with-two-k's know each other? They're in the same grade, but...are they close friends? Were they just in the same class for something? Has he been admiring her from afar for years, and -

"You're thinking too much again."

"Huh?"

Looking up from my thoughts, I glance at Sora's pointed stare. He uses a finger to gesture at his own face.

"It's written all here. You keep making strange expressions like you're imagining Riku in weird scenarios."

"...Riku is weird."

"Well - he's different."

"He said he asked Rikku-with-two-k's just for fun. Why would you ask someone just for fun? I think it should be more serious than that."

Sora chuckles, shrugging again. "Just different expectations, I guess."

"That's like you're just teasing. Or what if you ask someone just for fun, but they think it means something more? That's just cruel. That's leading them on!"

"Hey, chill, I'm on your side," Sora reminds me. "That's why I didn't ask anyone - don't want to worry about all that. But that doesn't mean other people can't have different opinions."

"...okay fine."

Even I'm surprised by my quick submission. I guess after seeing Riku, I'm not in the mood to risk alienating any of my very few friends.

Our conversation reaches a comfortable lull, and that's when the DJ makes a timely announcement.

"Last fast song of the night! It's now or never, everyone! I want you guys to all hit the dance floor!"

A familiar tune starts playing overhead, and I can't help grin and let my body move to the beat. Sora gives me a disbelieving look, to which I roll my eyes and toss my hair over my shoulder.

"Did you even dance tonight?" I ask.

"I did!" Sora exclaims. "I was in Wakka's conga line!"

"That's it, huh?"

His silence is all I need to hear. As I inch towards the dance floor, I shoot him a challenging squint that's easy enough to understand. Slowly, he shakes his head and points at the cup in his hand.

"Weak!" I scream over the increasing volume.

"So's your reason for me to dance!" Sora hollers back.

"It's the last song!" I point out.

"No, he said it's the last fast song."

"That means the next one's gonna be a slow one for - oh." A sobering thought occurs - he's waiting to ask someone for the last dance. "Okay. I mean, sure."

"...oh, what the heck." Sora puts his cup down and rolls his shirt sleeves up to his elbow. I want to laugh at his eagerness but don't wanna make him feel embarrassed for no particular reason. So I eagerly join the throng of dancers, raising my hands in the air and happily swaying along to the beat. I watch Sora follow through the corner of my eye, as he moves somewhat awkwardly at first. Gradually, he lets himself loose as he probably realized that no one's actually watching him.

That boy...he's like a kid sometimes.

And with a familiar tune in the air, surrounded by people, many of which I know, dancing to my heart's content without any other concern on my mind...it occurs to me that maybe this is what it feels like to be happy.

Or irresponsible, considering my recent Math quiz score and unwritten English paper due next week.

The night ends altogether rather anticlimactically. Without anyone to dance with for the last dance, I end up spying on Naminé and Roxas swaying in the crowd. They're cute, at least, though Roxas could consider dropping that permanent scowl of his. He's at a dance with the girl he likes in his arms! He could look a little more enthusiastic!

As the Student Council president says his finishing remarks and announces the end of the Snow Ball, we all begin shuffling towards the exit at once. I had made sure to grab my coat ahead of time, so cozy and warm wrapped up tight, I let the crowd carry me away into the chilly night.

Naminé pops out around ten minutes later with Roxas nowhere to be found. It's naturally the first question I ask.

"Oh, he's gonna go check out the afterparty, so he went ahead with that crowd," Naminé says, tugging on the sleeves of her coat.

"What? Quiet Guy likes to party?" I exclaim incredulously.

Naminé huffs while wrapping her scarf around her neck. "There's nothing wrong with that. Anyways, he's just going to watch over Axel for awhile."

"Okay...anyways, let's go!"

What I'm looking forward to more than the dance has been the sleepover. It's the time to do girly things with the bestie, laugh at dumb stuff online, and grill her for juicy deets. I will not let my own lackluster life weigh me down; I am determined to live vicariously through Naminé.

We head back to my place and quickly drop off our things. To my surprise, Dad's still up dutiously typing away in front of his laptop at the dining table. He murmurs a greeting, barely looking up from the screen before returning to his work. This just confirms for me that I don't want to grow up and become an adult. All they do is work all day.

In my room, we quickly change out of our dresses. I sigh in relief as I put on my comfy pajamas. We end up snuggling in blankets on the floor, cause my tiny twin-sized bed can't fit both of us. Next time we should really sleepover at Naminé's - her house is huge, and she has a queen-sized bed all for herself!

I remind myself to put my phone away and focus on the actual person in front of me. "So! Did'ja have fun?"

Naminé grins. "Yeah! Dinner was nice, and I had fun dancing with Roxas."

"As friends, huh?"

"Yes, Kairi, as friends." She chuckles. "You sound unconvinced."

"You know me," I say with a shrug. "I don't believe guys and girls can be 'just friends' like that."

Naminé pauses for a long time before speaking. "You and Sora are 'just friends.' Unless there's something you want to tell me?"

"I - "

Damn, bestie! Catching me off guard like that. She's a sneaky one.

"I mean, going to a dance as friends. Guys and girls can't just be friends like that. You're walking into a suggestive scneario and creating expectations for each other."

"I still disagree," Naminé argues. "You avoid creating expectations by establishing expectations in the first place. When I asked Roxas, I made it clear we're going just as friends, and he was fine with that."

"Well, you can say that, but you can't control how he feels."

"How would he feel? We're just friends."

I've pointed out to Naminé a million times that Roxas more than likely has a big fat crush on her. I don't know why everytime she kinda shrugs it off with disbelief. She's so adamant about her feelings that...I guess I feel bad for Roxas and end up not pushing the matter.

"Try going to a dance with someone next time," Naminé suggests. "I felt bad for most of the dance, like I was ditching you."

"What?" I exclaim. "C'mon, no! I was dancing and having fun! I - I even saw Riku." My voice trails off towards the end.

"...oh," Naminé says gently. "You guys talked?"

"Yeah. Well, I guess technically no," I correct myself, remembering Sora's words. "I was standing with Sora and he walked up to us. He was chatting with Sora most of the time. Get this - he asked Rikku to Snow Ball."

"Who asked Riku?"

"Riku."

"...what?"

"Riku asked Rikku-with-two-k's. From drama club."

"Oh - oh!" Naminé chirps. "I didn't know they were close...wait, as friends, right?"

I huff. "According to him, it was just to be funny. That's a lamer excuse than going as friends."

"I guess it is funny," Naminé says with a chuckle. She quiets down when she notes my solemn response. "Do you...feel bad?"

"Bad? No, of course not. Riku and I are friends...okay, maybe we aren't," I finally concede, and it's like a huge burden is let off my shoulders. I've been trying hard to prove Riku and I are friends, but I guess that's a bit hasty for me to say.

"Why not?" Naminé probes gently.

"I'm...I guess I'm still mad at him."

"For what?"

"For - for breaking up with me. Ugh, it's embarrassing. He dumped me! Because he thinks he knows what's best for me...that's the shittiest excuse someone can use! That shitty bastard! Shitty excuses and shitty reasons for doing shitty things like breaking up shittily - is that even a word? Shittily?"

"Kairi...you should probably quiet down, or you'll wake your parents."

"Oh, shit - I mean, gosh, sorry." I sigh tiredly, collapsing onto the ground. "Maybe I'm a shitty person."

"Kairi! Of course you're not a bad person! Otherwise I wouldn't be friends with you."

I chuckle at Naminé's quip. "Thanks, Naminé. Also," I sit back up suddenly, looking her in the eye, "you didn't tell anyone, did you?"

"About…? You and Riku? Of course not!"

"Right, good." The school still thinks that we parted on amicable terms or however the crap saying goes. My pride greatly prefers that over being dumped. "Only 2 people should know about this."

"...me, and one other person?"

"Yup. And it'd better stay that way!" I exclaim, though there's really no need to emphasize it again. I'd sworn Naminé to secrecy over the summer when I first told her.

We finally quiet down after my passionate tirade and a curious question comes to mind. "You don't like anyone, Naminé?"

"Huh? As in, right now?"

"Yeah. Since you're convinced no one likes you," I make sure my disbelief is palpable in my tone, "what about on your end? Roxas and Ven are just friends, so anyone else?"

"Hmm...I wouldn't say I actually like anyone right now." She sighs, stretching her legs and wriggling her toes. "I'm busy enough anyways, with school and yearbook and drama club. Today's the first break I've had in weeks. I'm counting down till Christmas break now."

Her words bring a smile to my face. "That's right - Christmas! I can't wait!" I chirp.

"We have that holiday play the drama club's putting on the last week of class." Naminé grins. "Are you gonna come?"

"I feel bad enough that I'm skipping like every drama club meeting." I chuckle. "Of course I'll go. I gotta see you in your first starring role!" I exclaim, shaking Naminé excitedly.

"It's a tiny role, barely starring," she corrects with a laugh. "But since we were low on actors, again, and Yuna recommended I give it a try…"

"I'll be there on the front row with my phone in hand, ready to record your every movement like a hovering mother! Uh…" I only realize my mistake after I've spoken (what else is new?). Naminé's mother is a touchy subject - sometimes it makes her cry, sometimes it just makes her super quiet and thoughtful.

To my relief, she's leaning towards the latter today. "I should go visit her soon...last time was over summer before school started. I'm just so busy." She sighs tiredly, running a hand through her hair. "The flowers I left last time are definitely all dried up by now…"

"We can go pick some out tomorrow, if you want?" I suggest.

Naminé grins. "I appreciate it, Kairi, but I usually like going through the motions all by myself. It's soothing to me, in some way," she explains vaguely, her voice barely audible in the end. "Plus," she clears her throat, "I don't think I'll have time to visit this weekend. My dad wants us to go to some corporate party on the other end of the city on Sunday..."

"Sounds like fun! And very tedious," I tack on, remembering that Naminé hates these mandatory family socials. Her dad's a big hotshot in some business industry (you can tell I know next to nothing about him), which involves a lot of schmoozing with a lot of people. I guess that's the part that isn't fun.

"He's probably cleared my flowers by now…" Naminé murmurs ruefully under her breath.

"Hmm?"

"Oh, nothing. Just talking to myself." She chuckles.

I make a point to stay away from this subject from now on. The rest of the night devolves into girlish gossip and giggles.

The next morning, since we slept late, Naminé and I don't get up till noon. It's Saturday anyways, so who can complain? Taking our time to get dressed and wash up, it's nearing 1 o'clock when we get to eating breakfast / lunch, courtesy of Mom.

"The two of you look exhausted," she comments as she serves a piping hot plate of scrambled eggs. "Did you have fun?"

"Yup! Skipped the afterparty and came home by curfew like a good girl," I feel the need to add.

Mom chuckles. "Good girl," she says, patting my head like she would a dog. I smile at her pleasantly, overall in a good mood this morning. By my side, Naminé chuckles at the sight.

The thought of Mom being home prompts me to ask, "Where's Dad?"

"Working," Mom says with a sigh, helping herself to the stack of pancakes she'd made. "He said he'll be back by dinner."

"On Saturday? I thought it's usually Sundays he works overtime. You're usually gone all Saturday."

"Well, his boss decided to extend her hours so he's working every other Saturday for her now. And my boss is cutting back."

"Dad's probably gonna come back and start lecturing us about our postures again," I predict. Because he works for a physical therapist, Dad thinks he's basically gone through the years of required schooling and gotten the license - and is basically a physical therapist himself. It was worse in the beginning when he kept talking about how many adults with carpel tunnel come in the office. Now, he'll just occasionally drop some friendly advice in the form of a cautionary tale.

"I could use some help with posture," Naminé says kindly.

"Don't let him hear you say that," Mom says with a snort. "He'll actually give you an hour-long lecture."

Kind, sweet Naminé continues smiling like she has no idea why that'd be a bad idea. Oh, kind, sweet Naminé...I'll let her experience it once just for the heck of it.

Naminé leaves after brunch, so I'm chilling with Mom for the day. I don't have any plans, and now that cross country season is over, I'm finding myself with a lot of spare time on my hands. Of course, I should be using that time productively to study or something, but…

It's so much easier being lazy.

I'm doing the above, lounging in the living room, when the doorbell rings. Since Mom's closer to the door, she answers it and I hear her let someone in. Curiously, I peer over and notice the unexpected visitor is Tidus.

"Hey," I call out from my reclined position on the sofa, "what're you doing here?"

"Huh? Oh, hey Kairi," he returns after realizing it's me. "My mom wanted to give you guys some of the homemade bread she baked today...it's actually really good," he adds. The thought of food prompts me to jump to my feet and I follow the scent of fresh bread, hands eagerly reaching inside the packaging for some -

"Kairi!" Mom exclaims as she returns with a knife in hand. "Wash your hands first!"

I follow her instructions dutifully as she cuts the bread into slices. Tidus is helping himself to some water, so I grab some too and sit next to him at the table with a slice of bread in hand.

"How was the dance? I didn't see you for most of it," I recall, which is sorta surprising because Tidus usually makes some sort of ruckus and becomes the center of attention.

Tidus shrugged. "It was okay. I just hung out with Wakka and left early to go set up for his party. Which was sick." He grins. "I'm surprised I woke up at 10 today without a headache."

Mom pretends she conveniently doesn't understand the implications of our words and excuses herself to her room. I laugh, finishing my water.

"Can't say I wish I went, cause parties that you think are 'sick' are just obnoxious to me. Why'd you leave before the last dance? I can't imagine Selphie didn't throw a fit."

"...I didn't go with Selphie."

My hand pauses halfway reaching for another slice of bread.

"Wha - she didn't want to go? No, she's Student Council, so she has to go. You mean you guys met there like usual?"

Tidus pauses before shaking his head. "No, I mean...we didn't go together. Selphie and I...we broke up, Kairi."

"..."

"..."

"...WHAT?"

A/N: Oh, what's this? Clogallie's updating in...2 weeks-ish? What has the world come to? IDK tbh, it's not like this chapter was easy to write. I guess cause I'm on break, I told myself I have no excuse. Also, reviews also always help. :)

Also, did anyone else forget Kairi was in the drama club? LOL.

Good news is I actually see the light at the end of this tunnel! I have the remaining major plot points outlined for the next few chapters, after which I plan to wrap things up by C30. Good whole number, huh? So, see! The end is in sight!

Also, happy holidays to everyone! Hope you get to enjoy lots of food with loved ones.