Chapter TWENTY FIVE
Things to buy
-Looseleaf paper
-Blue and black pens
-Tampons
-Granola bars
-New running shoes, cause mine are like 1 year old
-Soccer ball, been thinking of getting back into it
-Ooh a new beanie would be nice
okay...definitely don't have $$ for all of this - time to ask the parental units
It's time I put the final step of Plan: SelTi into motion.
My last-ditch attempt to set them up together isn't anything fancy. Namely because I am a broke teenager with no sense of romance. The only thing I have going for me now is that I know both of them. So, after a quick phone call here and a simple request there, Selphie and Tidus both plan to meet me by the cross-country track after school this coming Friday.
I find myself a cozy position beneath the bleachers, where there's minimum dust and dirt accumulating, to set myself up. There's a lot of waiting, cause I get texts from both of them saying that they're running a bit late. Finally, a familiar figure runs across my line of sight, and my mouth opens with surprise -
"Sora!"
His head whips in my direction confusedly, because my hiding spot is top notch and he doesn't notice me at first. I head to a more conspicuous area and wave at him, but it takes the unobservant boy at least ten seconds to notice me. His face lights up as he dashes over to say hi.
"What're you doing here?" I hiss.
He takes notice of my sharp tone and shoots me a confused look. "Uh, going to scrimmage with some guys, on the soccer field, as a student of this school..."
"Ugh, right. Ignore me." I shoot Sora another look and notice his new shoes. "You know...I feel like it's been awhile since I've seen you."
"Yeah, same. Probably because you ditched me and morning conditioning."
I open my mouth to protest but he's right, I did. Ever since realizing there's no reason for me to go to morning conditioning anymore, I'd stopped. I mean, even though Sora's great company and all, that's hardly sufficient reason. Waking up at nigh hour in the morning just to see him? That's - that's crazy! I mean, you'd think I like him, or something.
Ha! What a thought.
"So, what're you doing here?" he asks. Only then do I remember why I'm here. Quickly, I look around, hoping neither Tidus nor Selphie have gotten here. "You look like you're hiding from someone," he continues.
I shoot him an incredulous look and lean in. That makes his brows furrow as he warily leans back. "How...did you know?" I whisper.
"H - huh?"
"You know about Plan: SelTi?" I exclaim. "I literally told no one - except maybe Naminé during lunch - oh my gosh, what if someone overhead us, then told Tidus and Selphie, and now my plan is screwed!"
"...uhh, anything I know is cause you literally just talked about it," Sora points out weakly. I'm about to argue otherwise but again realize he's right. Why is he always right? Perhaps a better question is: why am I always wrong?
"Plan SelTi...I see you're back to your naming scheme. Does SelTi stand for Selphie and Tidus?"
"How do you know?"
"You were just talking about Tidus and Selphie…"
I sigh, shutting my eyes out of embarrassment. I am literally the worst at keeping secrets. How am I ever gonna be a ninja, or spy, or - or a trustworthy friend?!
"Hey, err, they probably don't know about it? I mean, Tidus is heading over now - "
Hearing the keywords 'Tidus' and 'heading over,' I latch onto Sora's sleeve and drag him towards my hiding place. He yelps and says something in protest, but an urgent "SHH!" shuts him up. We watch as Tidus comes to a stop near the meeting area, looks around confusedly, and pulls out his phone.
"What's going on?" Sora hisses.
"SHH!"
"C'mon, Kairi! You're holding me hostage!"
Only then do I realize I basically have Sora in a chokehold. Quickly letting him go and restoring a comfortable personal bubble, I clear my throat and explain Plan: SelTi.
"It's simple. Obviously they have stuff they wanna say to each other, so I told them to meet me in the same place at the same time."
"...like right here, right now, so they'll see each other?"
"Exactly! They'll see each other, and...well, I guess this can go either way. Either it'll go really well or ruin things for them forever."
"That sounds a little dramatic...and kinda fun, so I guess I'll stay."
I snort at his response when my phone starts ringing. Hastily trying to shut it off, I take a wary look at Tidus and hope he hasn't heard anything. Only when I notice that Tidus is on his phone do I realize that he's calling me.
Clearing my throat, I pick up and answer lowly, "Hello?"
"Hey, I'm here. Where are you?"
"I'm - uhh…" I trail off, looking at Sora worriedly. He cocks his head sideways, and I point at Tidus' figure. He gets the hint and makes some obscure hand gestures that are impossible to interpret, so I go with my gut.
"I'm, uhh...running!"
Sora stares at me, boggle-eyed. His hand slaps his forehead and he shakes his head with a sigh. I shoot him a stern look - it's his fault for not helping!
"What do you mean, you're running?"
Running late, Sora mouths, to which I nod hastily.
"Running...running late!" I finish smoothly. "I - I'm almost there!"
"Wow, and you told me to hurry when I texted you I'd be late...well, c'mon! Mom wants me to pick up some groceries later."
"Okay, I'm coming. Gimme a sec...or a few minutes."
Hanging up, I check my phone for any other updates on Selphie's ETA. As if on cue, she texts me saying, Almost there! I cheer, show Sora the text, and await her arrival.
After what seems like forever, she comes from around the corner. Her hair is styled in her perfect curls, as usual, and she's dressed like she's going to a job interview. I've always been super jealous of her superb sense of fashion.
I hold my breath as she slowly approaches Tidus. My hiding spot is perfect - we're hidden from sight but close enough to eavesdrop on their conversation. Listening intently, I watch Selphie wave her hand at him tentatively.
"Hey, Tidus," she greets softly.
Tidus glances up from his phone (and this time I remember to silence my phone so it only vibrates in my pocket when he texts me). "Oh, hey. What's up?"
"Not much. I'm meeting Kairi here in a bit...you?"
"Huh? Oh, me too…err...this is awkward. I swear, she said she wanted to meet here..."
…
Oh my god, the silence is killing me! With all the tension building, I have no idea what's going to happen. Are they gonna burst with fiery accusations of lies and betrayal? Will they break down into tears and apologies spilling from their lips? Is this gonna be a swift kiss and make up?
Selphie opens her mouth to speak, and -
She laughs.
I stare, slack-jawed. My jaw only drops further when Tidus joins in. This is the last thing I'd expected would happen. What...what does this all mean?
"You could never lie. So I know you're telling the truth," Selphie says with a grin. "Which means...she set us up."
"Huh?" Tidus looks so confused. I wish I could take a picture - he looks like an idiot.
"Kairi. She stopped me in the halls the other day, just to ask about us. She doesn't seem to believe that we broke up but we're still friends?"
"What? That's exactly what I told her!" Tidus exclaims. "I mean, I swear, Selphie, I don't know why she'd do that - "
"I do."
"Huh?"
"Huh?" I don't notice I'm thinking aloud until Sora shakes my arm and signals for me to keep quiet. Covering my mouth with my hand, I continue watching the scene unfold before me.
"It's Kairi," Selphie says, as if that explains everything. It doesn't! "It's like when she was against us dating. It didn't fit in her little worldview, so it took the longest time for her to accept things. And just when she's accepted it, things have flipped on her head again. She's not good with things happening outside of her control."
Tidus is silent for the longest time but then slowly nods. "I...think I get what you're saying. She always likes things to go her way. And they do, for the most part."
"She's got drive. That's how she gets things done." Selphie sighs wistfully. "I wish I were half as determined as her."
"You mean stubborn?" Tidus snorts. "When she sets her mind on something, no one can stop her."
They share another laugh, and gradually I turn my attention towards myself. Am I really the type of person they just described? Actually I'm a little confused - half the time they made me sound like a spoiled brat, the other half they were praising my determination or something. Should I be happy or upset?
"Anyways. I'll just tell her I had to go," Selphie says, already taking out her phone. "In fact...maybe she's nearby keeping an eye out on us."
Immediately I duck downward, despite knowing that I'm out of Selphie's line of sight. I hold my breath and after awhile force myself to take a peek, verifying that they haven't seen me yet.
"I'm...sorry, Selphie," Tidus begins tentatively. "I feel like I'm wasting your time."
"First off, this is totally on Kairi." She giggles. "And second...you'd never waste my time. We are friends, right?"
"Right, yeah." Tidus sighs. "Thanks a lot, Selphie. For everything."
"Of course. Hey, let me know when you start hearing back from colleges!"
She leans in and they hug for what seems like forever - or maybe it's just me, I can't tell anymore. Seeing them both reaffirms my belief that they should be together. But looking again, I can also see how they're just friends now, and that's absolutely okay.
I feel a little empty watching them both walk off. This all feels, like Selphie said, like a waste of time.
"...I screwed up again," I mumble.
"Hey, don't say that," Sora says. I jolt a little at the sound of his voice. Too lost in my own thoughts, I'd forgotten he was here too. "You want the best for them, right?"
"Yeah - yeah, that's all I ever want." I sigh frustratedly, trying to voice my concerns while trying to manage a deluge of emotions. "I thought they just needed a push to get back together, so they could be happy again...but I guess they're happy like this too."
"I'm sure they know you just want them to be happy."
"...yeah?" I sigh tiredly, upset with having wasted everyone's time, but infinitely reassured by Sora's kind words. He's really good at this comforting thing. I look up at him and smile. "Thanks, Sora."
"Sure. For what?"
"For...I don't know!" I start to panic when I realize I'm growing soft on him. "Just - thanks. I owe you one, okay? What do you want?"
"What?"
"I owe you one! So, state your demand."
"I really don't need anything, Kairi - "
"What do you want?"
After my exclamation, I realize how silly I am, getting worked up about owing him one. But I dislike owing Sora, and I know like this isn't the only time I owe him, so it's about time I pay up. I don't like being indebted to someone else.
"Oh! Okay," he begins, and I pay full attention to what he says. "Remember what I asked last time?"
"What?"
"To talk to Riku. Did you get to do that?"
I sigh tiredly, a bit peeved the conversation's heading in that direction. "No...not yet." With Sora watching expectantly, I feel compelled to explain. "It's...hard, okay? I told you, we're the awkward exes. This is just...really awkward!"
"But if you guys talk, then it won't be awkward! Like Tidus and Selphie!" he points out. "I don't mean to be nosy or anything, but...I think this is one of those cases where you guys actually need a push."
I frown. "Is this your way of saying this is all for my own good?"
"I'm glad you got the message!"
I roll my eyes. "Okay, okay I'll get to it. You know, you have a way of getting me to do things I don't like to do."
"I'm not sure what you're referring to, but I'll take that as a compliment."
"I'm calling you manipulative!" I exclaim. "You made me wave at Riku at the Snow Ball...you got me to condition in the mornings when I'm not a morning person at all...hell, you're the reason The Bonfire Incident happened! I mean, skinny dipping with you?"
"How is that my fault?"
If I must expand on The Bonfire Incident...basically, just believe me when I say it's all Sora's fault. And probably Selphie's too, now that I think about it. I mean, just think! There's no way I'd volunteer to...do that! With Sora!
"It's one of my life's greatest regrets," I declare emphatically.
"...you're 17," Sora points out. "Your life's barely begun."
"Exactly. I'm only 17, and I already know it's gonna be one of my life's greatest regrets."
Despite the last hour (and days of planning for Plan: SelTi) being an absolute waste of time, I reach home in a pretty good mood. I guess I'm just glad that I'm finally okay with things between Tidus and Selphie. There is, of course, a furious text from Tidus in my phone, but I'll leave that problem for tomorrow - or never.
Mom and Dad are both home by the time I get back. I'm slowly growing accustomed to their presences. At least it means hot homemade meals waiting for me!
"Smells good! What'd you make, Mom?"
"Excuse me?" Dad sticks his head out from the kitchen and chuckles. "I'm taking credit when due."
"Oh, my bad Dad," I laugh. "What're you making?"
"Lasagna and a salad. It'll be ready in a bit. Can you get your mom?"
"Yeah, sure. Mom!"
Of course she doesn't hear my loud shout, even though our place is only that big. I knock on the master bedroom door, pausing a moment before barging in. Mom's seated by a vanity table, reorganizing her jewelry from the looks of it.
"Kairi. You're back early," she comments, rising to her feet and turning towards me.
I grin. "Cause cross-country's over, so I don't have to stay after school so long anymore."
"Oh right. You should come back earlier and study some more."
"Yeah, right," I drawl, already tired of listening to the same thing again and again. Judging by Mom's sigh, I figure she feels the same way about saying it. But it's not like she'll magically stop telling me to work harder one day. We're just stuck in this cycle, aren't we?
"Dad says dinner's almost ready," I report.
"Sounds good, I'll be out in a bit," she says, reaching for her handbag. Spying her wallet, I recall my other sub-mission.
"By the way, can I get some money to buy looseleaf paper and pens? I'm running out."
"Oh, for school? Alright, I can buy those for you next time…"
Oh, well...there goes my plan of getting some money for a cute new beanie. "Also some granola bars? I'm always hungry during the block before lunch."
"Well, you could try waking up early enough to actually eat breakfast." Mom shoots me a pointed look, and I chuckle back. She knows I'm not a morning person! Finally, she relents as well. "I guess we can't have you starving in the middle of the day at school."
"Could I also get a new beanie? It's getting kinda cold."
"...I thought I gave you your allowance for the month already. It's the middle of December."
"Err, right. You know, cause the cross-country team went out to celebrate the end of the season, so I might've spent most of it...or all," I finish weakly. I avoid meeting Mom's gaze, cause I already know what she wants to say.
"Kairi...you need to be more responsible with your money. We give you allowance every month because we expect you to spend it wisely. You can't just use it up and expect us to give you more when you run out."
"I know, I know. Can't I just use next month's?"
"You know it doesn't work that way. And don't you have a beanie already?" Mom points out. "You're gonna have to wait till next month, Kairi. Take this as your lesson in what happens when you don't budget wisely."
"But Mom! C'mon, that beanie's like 10 years old, and it's gonna get cold like next week! I've already picked one out at the store, and it's not even that expensive - "
"Kairi! I said, you need to be more responsible! Why can't you take the time you spend on window-shopping and put that into studying? I'm sure your grades would improve - "
"Oh my god, not again!" I throw my hands in the air. "You're always complaining about my grades, about how I'm not working hard enough. You don't even see me studying! I am working hard, just so you know! It's just - school's hard, and I'm just not smart enough, okay? I don't like tests, I don't like studying, and I'm trying, but it's really, really hard! You don't understand anything!"
"Kairi! You shouldn't think that you're not smart! I remember back in elementary school, you would always finish all your homework before dinnertime - "
"That was elementary school! Homework was a joke!" I scoff. "You know, speaking of elementary school, I think that's the last time you actually saw me studying. Then you got too busy at work and I became a second priority - "
"Kairi! You were never a second priority - "
" - never made it to my cross-country meets, so I stopped inviting you - "
" - just that one time! And I thought you were embarrassed by us so we didn't ask - "
" - just wish you'd stop complaining about how I spend too much money, or I don't study enough. I know I'm not perfect, okay? Stop wishing I was!"
"...what's going on here?"
Mom and I turn towards the bedroom entrance, where Dad stands. Wearing his apron and with spatula in hand, he looks somewhat comical, but the tension in the air stretches on.
I draw a deep breath and sigh loudly, reminding myself to stop the verbal vomit before I say something I really regret. "Nothing," I mumble, scooting past him and towards my own room. I shut the door loudly behind me, hoping they get the message that I don't want to talk.
…
An hour later, my stomach threatens to betray me.
Seriously. It's growling so loudly, I think my parents can hear me from beyond the closed door.
But this is a matter of pride at this point. I'm making a point - that I'm not the perfect student / daughter / girl they expect me to be. I'm a person, which means I'm not gonna be perfect, and it's not fair that they expect me to be.
I ignore a soft knock, and my dad's subsequent, "Can I come in?" I have my headphones on and I'm staring at my laptop, so my back's towards the door. But I'm not actually listening to anything, so I hear the door slowly creak open and my dad's footsteps behind me.
"Kairi. Kairi? Kairi, it's me."
Very, very slowly, I turn around on my swivel chair and look at Dad. He holds up a slice of lasagna as a peace offering, and no further words are needed as I snatch the plate from his hands and dig in. My dad laughs as he grabs my sturdy nightstand and places it next to me, seating himself.
"...how does it taste?" he asks after giving me a moment to eat.
Between bites, I manage a jumbled, "Iz gud!" For reassurance, I give him a thumb's up. He laughs and then falls silent.
The only sound in the room is me munching on my meal, and the whirring of my laptop fan. My stomach starts to ache from eating too fast, so I set the plate down on my desk and drink some water. When I look up, I see Dad watching me pointedly.
"...I know what you're gonna say," I begin.
"Oh really?" he says. "Have I become that predictable? I'd like to think I can still surprise you and your mom."
I roll my eyes at Dad's lame attempt to lighten the mood (that works). "You're super predictable, Dad. You always order the same thing from the Thai place. Pad thai, with extra peanuts."
"Alright, you have a point. Your dad's a man of habit," he says with a chuckle. His face then grows solemn. "So, do you still wanna hear what I have to say."
I sigh and turn towards the side, crossing my arms. "Nah. I guess I'll apologize to her." Pausing for a moment, I then turn towards him. "But it's just not fair! All she does is tell me to study hard, get good grades, and stop spending so much money - I mean, I get it! And I'm trying! She's doesn't even see me try, cause she's working all the time! She doesn't have the right to judge me!"
"Kairi...first, your mom and I would never judge you. When she tells you to work hard, it's because she knows - we know that you can do better. You're our daughter, Kairi. That's why we have high expectations - because we know you can do it."
"I can't!" I protest. "I try - but I just...it's hard! You try doing my pre-calc homework!"
"Of course we know it's hard, and your first instinct is probably to give up. That's why we're here, as parents. We're your forever fans, you know? We're always cheering you on, here to give you the extra push you need."
"Well, she's pushing too much. I can't stand it, she's stressing me out so much always talking about my grades. I mean, we weren't even talking about studying earlier. I just wanted some money to buy a beanie! It's getting cold, Dad, and I need to keep my head warm if you guys want me to use my brain and study!"
Dad draws a deep breath and exhales slowly. "Kairi, maybe it'll help for you to know that...your mom's under a lot of stress lately."
I snort. "Really? You're talking to the stressed high school student."
"Not to say you aren't stressed - we both know high school's really hard. But lately, our family...we've been sort of tight on money."
"...what?"
"Yeah. There's no way of going around it, so...yeah. Your mom got laid off recently, that's why she's home more these days. I picked up another shift at work, but that's barely enough to cover our expenses right now. And we still need to save for your college fund…"
Dad's mouth keeps moving, but I stop registering his words. All I can focus on is this all-consuming feeling in my chest, immobilizing my body and thoughts. What am I supposed to think? How am I supposed to feel? We don't have money? On one hand, this seems like such a trivial, materialistic concern. This isn't something a 17-year-old like me should have to worry about. But on the other hand, when I think about the fact that Mom's nagging at me all the time because she got fired...
In the end, because of how ridiculous everything is, I choose to laugh at this shitty hand I've been dealt in life.
Fuck you, Fate.
A/N: I'm updating somewhat regularly, subplots are starting to wrap themselves up, and Kairi's finally realizing things. I have to say, this story's doing pretty good.
Please leave a review and let me know what you think about all these various facets of Kairi's life! Hopefully they're as interesting to read as the fun I had writing them. My goal with this story has always been to show how a lot of things happen in our lives that come together to shape who we are - not just our romantic relationship, or family troubles, or school drama, but everything.
A shout-out to the Guest reviewer who reminded me of the 2-year anniversary of this story! Yay to me for persisting, and hurray to you for sticking with me throughout this journey!
ALSO, shameless plug for my new story Legacy! It's a more action-packed story starring Sora and Naminé as a field agent and an operator respectively, living in different worlds both fighting the onslaught of Heartless. If any of that sounds the least bit interesting, please give it a shot!