Chapter TWENTY SIX
Why I'm a bad person
-I fought with my cousin for months because he was dating my friend
-I fought with said friend for months because she was dating my cousin
-I snap at Naminé, aka the kindest girl ever, because I'm always so moody
-My family's broke but all I can think about is how it affects me, me, me
My family's broke.
I'm just your typical high school teenager. Going to school, hanging out with friends, avoiding my ex. Also struggling in school, trying to play sports, and fighting with my parents.
My family's broke.
I try to be a good student, a good friend, a good daughter - a good person, if you will. I still fuck up sometimes, like when I fought with my cousin for months cause he was dating my best friend. But hey, pages turned and lessons learned, right?
My family's broke.
But despite all my effort and best intentions...it's just not fair that bad things happen to good people.
I mean, what does it even mean for my parents to say we're broke? Or 'tight on money,' in their words. All parents have to do is work, so how can my mom suddenly just not have a job? That's literally her only job: to have a job! I mean, that's like me saying I'm not gonna study anymore, even though I'm a high school student.
She only had one job - to hold down a job!
I don't know, this whole thing is just really fucking with me. Like this still seems like a joke. And it's not like a...an actual family crisis or anything. It seems kinda shallow to complain about money. It's just...such a dumb problem that happened!
"...hey Kairi."
I jump a little at the greeting upon reaching home. Peering towards the living room, I notice my dad lounging on the couch, watching the news on the TV. I look towards the clock briefly to confirm it's only 4 PM, and he should be at work still. Unless…
A bad feeling socks me in the stomach, and I suddenly find it hard to breathe. Dad didn't also get fired too, did he?
He must've sensed my confusion, because he quickly raises the laptop in his lap. "We didn't have any patients at the end of the day, so my boss let me come home to finish the paperwork."
"...oh, okay. That's good," I respond awkwardly. Everything about my home situation and my parents is still incredibly awkward right now. Like I want to ask exactly how much money my dad makes, and if that's enough to support our family now, and do we have any kind of debt, and just how screwed are we -
"Your mom's at a job interview, by the way. Amanda's husband - Tidus' dad - said that his company's hiring an administrative clerk, so fingers crossed things are going well now!"
I nod slowly to the news. "Cool...that's good to hear. Totally. Definitely, for sure." Repeating myself isn't necessary, but it's the only thing I can think of saying to fill the silence. "...I'll be in my room."
"Actually Amanda invited us over for dinner. How's that sound with you?"
Cause we're so broke we can't even afford food now? is the question on the tip of my tongue, but I have more sense than that.
"Uh, sure. Just let me know when we're leaving." I then proceed to enter my room and shut the door behind me. Back pressed against the wall, I slowly sink down to the floor, legs tucked in towards my chest. I let my bag slip off my shoulders and sigh heavily.
Even though we're broke, things still progress as usual in my daily life. I still have homework to do and exms to pass. Dad's still working all the time, just that now I notice he's out more than usual. I don't see Mom as often as I think, cause she's mostly running errands or going to job interviews. I guess it's all in the details: we don't splurge on big meals anymore, Dad's cancelled his health magazine subscription, Mom nags us to turn off unused lights and water, and we've yet to discuss Christmas plans despite it being two weeks away. Taking a wild guess, I'm assuming we aren't traveling anywhere this year.
Despite my previous misgivings about my parents, I'm infinitely glad to report that for once, my brain-mouth filter seems to be working and has stopped me from voicing those concerns. Sometimes when I think too much about the situation, I do get upset and it's easier to blame someone concrete, like my parents. But then I think some more about it, and I imagine they're as upset as I am, so my frustration ebbs a little. Just a little. I have to actively rein it in still.
It's just kinda hard to vent your frustration anywhere when you can only blame Fate or some other vague, abstract concept like that.
A ringing on my phone alerts me to a call from Naminé. I pull myself together and clear my throat quickly before picking up. "Hey, what's up?"
"Hi Kairi. Turns out I can't go Christmas gift shopping this weekend, but I can do Friday instead. Does that work for you?"
I sigh tiredly, having completely forgotten about my plans with Naminé. I'm not so keen on asking my parents for money for awhile - I'd say forever if I weren't realistic enough to know I still need to rely on them a bit longer. "Hey, Naminé...I don't think I can make this Friday."
"Oh, okay. Um, what about...Saturday morning? I just have to leave before lunchtime - "
"Naminé, actually, I don't think I can go shopping at all."
"Oh. Uh, okay. Is everything alright, Kairi?"
I haven't exactly discussed the entire situation with Naminé yet. It's not that I don't trust her or anything - I just haven't figured out how to bring it up. I mean, it sounds dumb even when I think of how to say it. 'Hey Naminé, I'm broke. My mom lost her job and my family's dirt poor now. Okay maybe not dirt poor, but I just don't have money to go shopping with you.'
It just sounds...so pathetic!
"Kairi? Kairi, are you okay?" Naminé's concerned voice continues speaking through the phone. I sigh tiredly, and maybe it's the weight of everything wearing me down that I finally decide, fuck it, I'm just gonna say it.
"Naminé, this is gonna sound dumb but...I can't go shopping cause I - I don't have money."
"Oh, you ran out on your allowance? Don't worry, I can lend you some. I always have more than enough every month, and I don't think we'll spend that much - "
"That's not it!" I shriek. For some reason, suddenly every fiber in my body is blazing mad at how dismissive Naminé sounds. "You know, not all of us have rich dads and basically limitless allowance to spend on things we want."
"Kairi, I - that's not what I meant."
Despite the usual softness present in Naminé's voice, there's an undeniable rigidity and certainty in her words. I'm quite familiar with her tone. I figure it's the only way she's survived being friends with someone as moody as I am.
"I know, Naminé, I - this is a bad time, I'll explain to you some other time, okay? I'm...I'm sorry."
"...alright, Kairi. Whatever you say. And I'm sorry if you misunderstood me, but I just wanted you to know that if you need anything, I'm here."
"I know, Naminé. Thanks, you're the best." I muster a grin relishing in Naminé's consideration. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay, sure. See you tomorrow, Kairi."
I hang up and toss my phone on my bed, groaning aloud at yet another social faux pas I've committed. See, if an actual crisis had happened in the family -
Hurriedly I look around and find some wood to knock on. You can never be too sure, especially during times of crises like this.
...anyways. It just...is dumb, I have no excuse for my behavior cause it's not something really bad, it's just money, but...I still have the right to be upset, right? Cause we have no money!
I still can't wrap my mind around how stupid this whole thing is.
"Kairi? We'll leave in 10 minutes!" Dad calls out.
"...okay!" I chorus back. Well, there isn't much I can do in 10 minutes. I quickly check all my social media, and when I realize there's nothing new compared to when I checked 5 minutes ago, I give up and head to the living room.
I end up driving me and my dad over in my car, cause Mom took the other one to get to her job interview. Auntie Sonnen greets us from the front porch, and she gives me a quick hug. I scurry inside to find Tidus, but not before I notice her pass Dad what looks like a pretty thick envelope.
Not wanting to dwell on it, I shift my attention to what Tidus is doing in the living room.
"Seriously? This game is so old," I scoff, sitting next to him on the couch. I watch as he uses a gaming console from 5 years ago, playing a game we both played a lot when we were kids. I had grown out of video games by middle school, partially because the other girls weren't interested, partially because I always lost to Tidus. But seeing the familiar characters jump across the screen makes me smile nostalgically. I remember spending a lot of summers crashing at Tidus' place, gaming and trying to not get any melted popsicle juice on the couch.
"Oh, hey. Mom found this in the closet the other day, and I thought it'd be fun to hook it up. Don't you remember this level?"
I stare at the setting on the screen, reaching back into my memory bank from years ago. "Not really...is this where you have to play a bunch of minigames to pass the level?"
"That's another game entirely. This game's the one where you have to fight monsters and save the world."
"That's like the summary for half the video games out there."
"Aww c'mon, Kairi, you don't remember this one? You said the girl's really hot, and I thought you were implying something - "
"Oh my god, Tidus, why would you bring that up? I totally forgot about it already!"
"I wasn't sure if you were just saying that, or if you were coming out to me or something..."
" - you asshole, I only said that cause you said that earlier! I was just agreeing with you!"
"Okay, Kairi, whatever you say. You know if you wanna talk about anything, I'm here."
"Yeah, yeah, I know." I mull over his words some more and briefly wonder if he just has good timing or if he planned to say that. But that would require way too much thought for a dumbass like Tidus, so I guess it's just a coincidence that he says exactly what I need to hear now to be comforted. "Thanks, idiot."
"Wow, can't you at least not insult the person when you're saying thanks?"
"Just saying the truth. You idiot."
"Mom! Kairi keeps calling me an idiot!"
"Oh my gosh, Tidus, shut up - Auntie Sonnen, Tidus is being annoying again!"
From the next room over, where the adults are gathered, Auntie Sonnen laughs. "Are you guys hungry? Dinner will be ready in 10 minutes!"
"Kairi, why don't you go give your aunt a hand in the kitchen?" Uncle Sonnen suggests.
Tidus shoots me a cocky smirk while I glare at him for a good few seconds before jumping off the couch. I'm not sure what Auntie Sonnen made, but the kitchen smells absolutely wonderful. "What do you need help with?" I ask.
"Oh, Kairi, it's okay. I can set the table myself."
"There are literally like a billion plates of food in here to serve," I point out, rolling my sleeves up to my elbows. "Mom! Dad! We need help!"
"Kairi!" Auntie Sonnen exclaims. "We really don't have to bother your parents, especially your dad…"
"What's going on?" Dad asks as he enters the kitchen with Uncle Sonnen in tow. I gesture at the number of serving dishes resting on the counter.
"Time to set the table! Where's Mom?"
"Oh, I thought it was something serious!" Uncle Sonnen laughs, clutching my dad's shoulder. "C'mon, Gabriel, let's get back to our beer and let them finish up here - "
"We literally did nothing to help Auntie Sonnen, so the least we can do is bring out the food," I point out.
"Ah, whatever, it's her job to prepare dinner," Uncle Sonnen says.
I narrow my eyes. "Why does she have to do everything? She already cooked all the food."
"Kairi, I'm okay," Auntie Sonnen insists.
"That's what she does!" Uncle Sonnen responds with a chuckle. "She's a housewife!"
"Alright, since we're here, we might as well all set the table and help Amanda out," Dad interrupts with a placating tone. Uncle Sonnen snorts loudly, making his displeasure known as he grabs the lightest thing in the room - the salad bowl. "By the way," Dad continues, "your mom's taken it upon herself to fix the leaky faucet in their bathroom."
I snort at the thought, because I can totally see it: Mom, pushing herself to be useful in any way she can, even doing the plumbing herself.
"That woman's too headstrong for anyone's good," Uncle Sonnen murmurs aloud. "What if she ends up breaking the faucet?"
It's not a secret that Mom and Uncle Sonnen...aren't the best of friends. I'm not entirely sure why they don't get along. They don't interact much in the first place, cause it's my dad and Auntie Sonnen who are related. But gatherings like today do happen, and I'm almost a little worried how dinner's going to go.
To no one's surprise, Auntie Sonnen serves a delectable meal, probably the best homemade dishes I've eaten all year. The good food's probably what tides over the beginning half of dinner. It probably doesn't help that the adults are drinking a little, and I know Mom and Uncle Sonnen both tend to speak their minds.
"That's your third glass, isn't it?" Uncle Sonnen asks as Mom helps herself to the wine bottle.
She chuckles as she takes a sip gingerly. "Fourth, actually. Thanks for asking."
"You really shouldn't drink so much," Uncle Sonnen chastises. "Who's going to take care of your kid?"
"Kairi?" Mom snorts, glancing at me briefly. I do the awkward smile thing at her and Uncle Sonnen to acknowledge them but then quickly look down at my plate. Yum, mashed potatoes. "She's 17, she can take care of herself. Plus, I have my husband." She looks towards him fondly, in the way that makes their kids, aka me, barf a little in my mouth.
"That sounds kind of irreponsible to me. I mean, as a mother, shouldn't your primary duty be to your kids?"
"Kairi is my number one priority," Mom returns with a stern gaze.
"But you're always away on trips, and your daughter's had to stay with us so often. Maybe it's a good thing you're out of work now, so you can stay at home and take care of her - "
"You are the first person to congratulate me for getting fired."
"Now, now, you know I didn't mean it like that," Uncle Sonnen says with a boisterous laugh. "But you could think of it as divine intervention. Maybe it's a sign that you should pay more attention to your own daughter and supporting your husband instead of focusing on your own work all the time - "
"You have no right to tell me how to be a good mother and wife."
"...just saying, cause I know Gabriel works extra now. And I hear he has to come home and also prepare dinner - ?"
"Shut the hell up, you don't know what you're even talking about - "
" - get all defensive cause you've realized what you're doing is wrong…"
Oh god. They're going at it again. I sigh to myself and watch as my dad and Auntie Sonnen futilely try to calm them down. Uncle Sonnen is the proud, unapologetic type though, and Mom...to be honest, Mom's kinda the same. They're horrible together.
"I'm done eating," Tidus mumbles to no one, grabbing his plate and heading towards the kitchen. I mimic his actions and drop my dirty dishes in the sink along with his. He glances at me with a raised brow.
"What?" I prompt.
"Why are parents so dumb?"
I snort. "Don't ask me. Mom always acts like she has to prove herself or something. I don't know, she tries too hard."
"Yeah, my dad always needs to be right and hates apologizing. It's really annoying."
I shrug, heading to the living room with Tidus, where the adults' conversation / argument is somewhat muffled by the distance. "Family, eh?"
Tidus glances at me and laughs. "Family. I guess we're stuck with 'em either way. I mean, my dad's a good person. He's always encouraging me to work harder and never settle for less than the best. Can be pressuring, but sometimes you need that extra kick in the ass."
"My mom's a good person too," I hastily rush to her defense. It does take me a moment to think of her strong suits though. "She pushes me too, I guess cause she believes in me and wants me to succeed. And it sucks that she's busy - she was busy with work all the time, but...she's gotta make money, I guess."
"Yeah. You know, I think your mom's pretty cool," Tidus confesses. "She does a lot, you know? Balancing work and her family. I don't know how she has the time. My mom can barely handle one."
"Well, my mom isn't around for everything, for sure. I know Auntie Sonnen goes to all of your home games, and even some of the away ones. Mom - she never came to my cross country meets...but I guess that's cause I stopped inviting them. Cause I thought they didn't care! ...but apparently she thought I didn't invite her cause I was embarrassed of her or something…"
As I voice my thoughts aloud, I'm just starting to see things from Mom's perspective. But I mean, it's a totally dumb perspective. Why would I be embarrassed of her? All I've ever wanted...is for her to see me succeed and make her proud.
"Shit, Kairi...you okay?" Tidus asks gently.
I struggle to summon a smile and sniffle loudly, but the tears fall anyways. I'm not entirely sure why I'm...crying, now of all times. With my parents just in the room over. In front of Tidus, of all people! This is so embarrassing…
Tidus guides me to his room for some privacy. I'm grateful, because I don't want Mom finding me and getting embarrassed, especially in front of Uncle Sonnen. Tidus tosses me a box of tissues but otherwise doesn't have much to say. I muffle a sob, and snivel, and do my best to stay quiet so no one hears. For the most part, I succeed, except for the fact that Tidus is right here.
Finally, the silence gets to me and I weakly punch him in the arm, the other hand covering my face. "This is all so dumb."
Dumb boss who fired mom. Dumb Uncle Sonnen for fighting with my mom. Dumb Mom for fighting back. Dumber Mom for thinking she's not invited to my meets. Dumb...dumb Dad for marrying Mom.
And the dumbest?
"Yeah, this is all really dumb," Tidus offers. And I guess he's trying to help.
But it doesn't, cause that just means he agrees that the dumbest of all is:
Me.
A/N: Sorry for the late update! I really am trying hard to put out a new chapter every 2 weeks. SO, we get some more family dynamics, a theme I always enjoy exploring. Uncle Sonnen is super hard to write, and I know he's just a random fill-in OC, but I'd love to know what you guys thought of him in relation to Kairi and her family! Also, your thoughts on Kairi's development as we go through this family-centric arc.
I'm thinking of doing some behind-the-scenes writing to explain my thought process and explore my headcanon some more - would anyone be interested in that? I did a little of it for my other stuff and put it on my "writing blog" on tumblr...and proceeded to not update for years whoops.
ANYWAYS, sorry to bombard you guys with so many questions! My main point is: hope you've enjoyed this chapter, and to make up for his lack of presence this chapter, look forward to Sora showing up in the next installment!