Chapter THIRTY
the world is not ending tomorrow
-still gotta show up for class
-still gotta go to work
-goddammit that means I still gotta study for that math quiz on Friday
ughh this isn't working
The world is ending tomorrow.
At least that's what I tell myself. I have to believe that, so that I force myself to confess today. Cause end of the world and all that, you know?
The day passes painfully slowly. I use all my mental energy to try and slow time, but the bell rings on the dot at 3:30 PM. For once, instead of relief, dread fills every fiber of my being. The carefree laughter of my classmates is so jarring compared to the internal agony I'm facing.
Gathering my stuff, I drag myself to the lockers where Naminé waits to give me a final pep talk.
"I believe in you!" she cheers enthusiastically.
"I don't believe in me."
"Remember, the world's ending tomorrow!"
When she says it like that, I realize it sounds a little dramatic. But it really feels that way to me.
"Why can't it end today? Just put me out of my misery."
"No, not today! I'm gonna go try out that new Italian place for dinner."
"Ooh, let me know how it is! If it's really good, we should go sometime."
"Definitely! It's halfway across town though, so it's a little inconvenient."
Insert an aptly timed tangent about restaurants we want to try. The distraction is very welcome, as I get to forget about the impending sense of doom that builds in me.
Finally, Naminé remembers the purpose of our talk. "Where are you meeting him?"
"By the parking lot. That way I can make a fast getaway if things get awkward."
"Kairi!" Naminé sighs and then wraps her arms around me. I'm a little confused by the random display of affection but hug her back.
"You know you're amazing for doing this, right?" she whispers.
"For what, telling a guy I like him? It's not a big deal."
"It isn't, but it is. I can't imagine how much guts it takes. So many people would just forever be waiting on their feelings, hoping the other person will make the first move. But you're the one going for it, and telling someone how you feel is always hard."
"I feel like you're exaggerating a little. But I appreciate the ego boost."
"Really! I don't think I'd ever be able to take the initiative and tell a guy how I feel. If only I had half your courage…"
I snicker. "Seriously? If I were you, I'd have no worries because of course any guy you like would already be head over heels in love with you." I idly fiddle with the hairband around my wrist. "I'm doing this cause...I have nothing to lose, you know? I have no expectations or anything - I'm just me."
Naminé draws back and frowns. "Oh, Kairi! You're not 'just' you, you are Kairi. If anyone can't appreciate that, it's their loss. Just being you, you're more than enough."
I smile to myself. As always, Naminé's words hit that sweet spot between being uplifting and sincere without sounding like a cliché.
I quickly check the time. "Shoot, I should head over. I'll let you know how it goes?"
"Yes! I'll be on standby," she exclaims, holding up her phone. "I'm rooting for you guys!"
"You're the best, Naminé!"
Grabbing my bag, I dash off. The whole way, I can feel the adrenaline pumping through my body. My pulse is roaring inside my ear. This isn't unlike the nerves I get before a cross-country meet - but also totally different. It's just telling a guy I like him...but it's telling a guy that I fricking have feelings for him, c'mon, this is a big deal!
The only comforting thing is the thought that once I confess, it'll all be over. Everything will be out in the open, and finally I won't have to feel like I'm walking on eggshells around Sora. It's almost like I'm keeping a secret from him, and you know me - I'm the worst at keeping secrets. I miss just talking to him without having to watch what I say, just cause I'm afraid I'll do something silly like expose my feelings.
Why do I have to keep my feelings a secret anyways? I like him, that's all. It's not a big deal! It's a normal thing! Like Naminé said, Sora's a likeable guy. Telling him I like him is not a big deal!
I keep repeating these thoughts to myself as I reach the worn down patio table where we're supposed to meet. Grabbing my phone, I quickly check my appearance and fix my hair. Then, I cycle through my social media apps to distract myself from the nerves. God, I hate this feeling.
It'll all be over soon.
The world is ending tomorrow.
"Hey, Kairi!"
I jump so hard that I almost drop my phone. My heart's racing at a million miles a minute for more than one reason now. I turn towards him with a hesitant smile, trying to pretend like everything's okay.
In movies, this is the part where the guy is walking towards you in slo-mo, and a glittery backdrop magically appears out of nowhere. Well, suffice to say, none of that is the case for Sora. He's the same guy I've known since forever, with his uncombed tuft of hair and the omnipresent food stains on his shirt. In fact, I see a super obviously out-of-place cowlick and a wayward pimple on his forehead. But somehow, my mind sorta glosses over all that and focuses on the way his cheeks are flushed and how he makes a simple white tee look good.
I mean, he's not even that good-looking objectively, but my mind's morphed things and now I'm biased towards him! Goddammit.
"Hey, sorry I'm late," he says.
"No problem, you're actually on time," I point out.
"Sorry for making you wait then."
"I literally got here a minute before you," I snort. "Now you're making me feel bad."
"I try," he chuckles. "You wanna talk about something?"
"Yeah. Yeah...uh…" I go with my lead-in. "So, you know, I finally talked to Riku."
It's crazy how expressive Sora is. The moment I say that, his eyes brighten and he cracks a face-splitting grin, like I just told him he won the lottery or something.
"Really? I'm so glad to hear! What'd you guys talk about? Uh, I mean, no need to tell me the specifics. But in general, how'd it go?"
I nod slowly, broadly talking about how things went. And while I'm talking, Sora gives me his rapt attention, because this topic of his two friends and their wellbeing is of utmost importance to him. Who does this? Who is so invested in the happiness of their friends?
" - so basically," I conclude, "if Riku's ever weird and grumpy in the future, it's got nothing to do with me."
"He's always weirdly grumpy," Sora snorts, and the thought makes me laugh as well. "But I'm glad you guys talked things through. Now I don't have to be in that awkward middleman spot anymore."
"What awkward middleman spot?"
"Oh, you know...it's kinda like when you're that person shuffling messages between two of your friends that like each other. Cause you guys wouldn't talk to each other."
"But...Riku and I don't like each other anymore, we broke up."
"Right, right, I just mean - okay, never mind, that was a horrible analogy. Just scratch that."
I laugh anyways at how ridiculous Sora is. I don't think I'll ever completely understand what's going on in that mind of his. What a silly boy.
I poke him in the arm. "Just this once, thanks for being nosy."
"What do you mean, nosy? That's just me being me," Sora points out with a cheesy grin. "Anyways, thanks for doing that. Now you don't owe me."
"What?"
"Remember? You kept insisting that you owed me cause of...what was it? I don't even remember why you kept asking me to ask you to do something. You're really weird about that, you know?"
"What? I'm not weird!"
"You are, about owing people and being fair. You keep really strict tabs on stuff like that."
"I do?"
"Well, don't think too much about it anymore. But I guess we're 'even' now, whatever that means to you." He gives me a pointed look. I do remember feeling like I owed Sora, but I don't remember why. Guess in hindsight, it's pretty dumb that I felt that way.
Our conversation feels like it's dwindling, so I figure I have to speak now or forever hold my peace. "I wanted to talk to you about something else."
"Oh, yeah what?"
For a moment, my stomach gives way and my heart sinks into the ground. My mind tells me I can still pull off a bait and switch and distract him with another topic (soccer always works). I don't have to say anything about my feelings. Who wants to hear about my feelings anyways?
But then, with Sora's attention wholly fixed on me and a gentle smile on his face, I really feel like...like everything will be okay no matter what. This is a guy who's ridiculously happy when his friends are happy. A guy who's literally never said a bad thing about anyone. A guy who I genuinely believe does not have the capability to be mean. I mean, besides the fact that he's kinda obnoxious about soccer, he's so easygoing to the point that he kinda lacks any opinions, and he's the worst decision-maker I know...he's Sora, y'know? What's he gonna do, break my heart? I'm convinced that he literally can't.
"...did you just laugh?" Sora asks with a quizzical look.
I blink. "What? What - no!" I exclaim. "No, no, I'm just laughing at - " At how you're incapable of breaking someone's heart? Yeeeeeah, not what I'm trying to say. "Sorry, I was just thinking of...something."
"Okay...wait, what were you gonna tell me?" he prompts.
No escaping now. Sora's watching expectantly. Naminé's waiting for a text update.
The world is ending tomorrow. The world is ending tomorrow.
"You'rereallyniceandIthinkIlikeyou?"
"What?" Sora blinks.
Ugh, don't you hate it how boys are dumb?
"I said, you're really nice, and I think I like you, Sora Hikari." I prop my hands on my hips and look him in the eye so he knows I mean business.
"Oh. Thanks!"
"..."
"..."
My stare morphs into somewhat of a Death Glare, because is he dumb, or is he purposefully avoiding the point, or is he dumb?
(Of course he's dumb. All boys are dumb. His response to me telling him I like him is 'thanks'? Thanks? Thanks a lot, you shit for brains.)
"Oh. Oh, wait, what'd you say?"
"You heard me," I hiss, because the embarrassment is starting to seep in. I'm usually never ashamed of my feelings, and goddammit if Sora makes me feel that way.
"Oh, yeah, I think I...did." He pauses and makes a face. "But you mean...like, you mean what I think you mean, right?"
What're we, elementary schoolers? At least I know Sora is. I can't bear to talk anymore, so I just nod stiffly and avoid eye contact. My face must be as red as my hair. Why is he dragging this out for as long as possible? Is this really necessary?
"I - sorry, I'm a little surprised," Sora confessed. "I mean, you said you and Riku were literally just talking about why you guys broke up...I thought you'd need some time to figure out your feelings?"
"Riku and I broke up like a year ago cause our feelings changed back then," I state flatly.
"Right...sorry, I'm just so surprised. I mean, I didn't realize you'd tell me like this. Though in hindsight, yeah, you would. You're always charging into things headfirst."
"I'll take that as a compliment," I say with narrowed eyes. The claustrophobic feeling starts creeping up my throat, and that's my sign to GTFO. I can take a hint. He's been avoiding talking about his feelings, because he doesn't feel the same way. He's trying to figure out how to break it to me. I don't have to be here to watch him painfully put together his words.
"Anyways." I cough to clear my throat. "That's all I wanted to say. See ya."
Before I can dash off, he stops me with a hand on my arm. I'm too embarrassed to face him at this point.
"Wait." He chuckles. "You told me how you feel. You don't even wanna hear about how I feel?"
I look at him incredulously. I was giving him an out, but if he's putting himself out there, then I gotta ask. "Okay. What about you?"
He draws a breath and begins. "I also think you're really nice."
I roll my eyes. "Don't copy what I said. Cause that's not true."
"You are!" he protests. "You mean what you say, and you say what you feel. I don't have to constantly guess what you actually mean or anything, because you'll just tell me. Like now."
He smiles, and that instant, I know. The world is ending tomorrow, and everything will be okay.
It's Sora Hikari, after all.
A/N: Whaaaaat?
Yes, that's a wrap! I know this might not be the exact ending you've been looking forward to, but there's a reason I kept it short and succinct. Part of it was to make it by this fic's 3-year anniversary - that's right, it's been exactly 3 years since I started this story! And oh boy, with all the hiatuses and writing breaks, so much has changed in my life while this fic has been going on in the background. I'm almost a little sad to see it end.
(Some of my reflections about this story below - feel free to skip!)
Another reason for the seemingly abrupt ending is because the focus of this fic wasn't just Kairi's budding romance but everything else that has happened in her life. Her relationship with Sora is just the last piece of the puzzle we want (and deserve) a happy ending. I'm so glad I got to share Kairi's life as not just a romantic love interest but also a high school student athlete, a daughter who wants to make her parents proud, a friend who learns how to apologize, and a growing teenage girl who is realizing that the world doesn't revolve around her. Hopefully I've depicted all these things to various extents. Kairi is more than just a love interest, something I feel characters (especially females) are often reduced to.
Another thing I tried to do with this story was alluded to by Naminé in the previous chapter: Kairi, as the main character, is a catalyst for the plot of the story. So often (my own works included), stories are driven by things happening to the character and the character passively reacting. Kairi might make poor decisions at times but she (not a boy or someone else!) is also the one who puts herself back together because she is truly the heroine of this story.
As always, thank you so much to the readers and supporters of my silly little story. Thank you soso much to the Guest reviewers as well - sorry I'm not able to respond to you guys! I would really appreciate hearing what your thoughts are about this story. As an aside, I do have at least one extra to share with you guys that I'll post soon, so stay tuned for that. But otherwise, I hope this story has brightened your day just a little and that you continue to have a wonderful day!