YAMI NO MATSUEI - DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS

THE SHADOWS OF MY PAST

Chapter Sixteen – Breakthroughs

I felt bolder as that kiss that I initiated became deeper and more heartfelt. I closed my eyes, melting into those emotions of sharing something so intimate with someone who I cared about deeply in a level that I have never explored with anyone before.

There were feelings that I never cared to admit at first and had lately denied their existence…but it was there. I could no longer deny that it was all there.

And those feelings were mostly for Tsuzuki-san...

I felt so fortunate that Tsuzuki-san also felt the same way. To me, he was someone so mysterious in spite of his open and innocent ways. It was so easy to drown into the kisses that we shared. My head and heart felt as if they were filled with something so incomprehensively blissful. My entire being felt as if I was being filled with something that I achingly needed and could no longer handle more than what I was getting from Tsuzuki-san, although there was a greater and gluttonous part of me that wanted more.

And so did Tsuzuki-san…. I felt his hand affectionately tighten its hold on my hand as the kiss between us became more explorative and needier. This moment between us made the sinking feeling sitting at the pit of my stomach disappear, being replaced with a sense of happiness…of hope….

Tsuzuki-san and I drew away from each other from the kisses, the gazes and the smiles exchanged between us being so meaningful and hopeful. I felt as if bountiful blessings had been poured upon me to see him smile, those amethyst eyes of his reflecting how happy he was – such a mirror image of how I feel this very moment.

I smiled back at him as I pushed my glasses closer to the bridge of my nose, not caring if I could barely see through them because of the steam that built up on my glasses. I held Tsuzuki-san's hand more tightly as he and I stared at the lake and the beautiful scenery before us, the two of us opting to stay a while longer at the lovers' bridge as the night grew deeper.

After a long period of comfortable silence between Tsuzuki-san and me, he asked me, "Tatsumi?"

Glancing sideways and meeting Tsuzuki-san's gaze, I smiled as he added, "We are still going to see each other even though you're assigned at another part of Enma-Cho, right?"

The smile escaping from the corner of my lips became warmer still as I reassured him, "Yes, Tsuzuki-san. We'll definitely still be seeing each other – maybe more often than you anticipate."

The hours that passed after the exchange of words between Tsuzuki-san and me were quiet yet comforting. Maybe Mako-san was right. Maybe all other expectations and standards as dictated by society and tradition did not matter as much as how one felt for another – especially when matters in Meifu were less fleeting and fickle.

--

Timeline – 1950

Time sure flew by quickly….

Exactly two years ago, I became a shinigami. It also marked the first year that Tsuzuki-san and I have been together as a couple – a concept and reality that I was still taking time in fully accepting.

But each day that passed proved a step closer in accepting that truth. I have feelings for Tsuzuki Asato. I love him very much. I feel happy and at peace being with him.

And from the looks of it, Tsuzuki-san was also happy with our relationship. Our once-a-week rendezvous proved to be scant for me since I long for him once we part ways until the following week.

Since our relationship, Tsuzuki-san and I have called each other by our first names when we were by ourselves. I called him Asato. He called me Seii. In the company of co-workers, superiors, or when we bump into each other at Ju-Oh-Cho's halls, we were respectively Tsuzuki-san and Tatsumi.

The kisses and hand-holding between Tsuzuki and I slowly progressed into wanting more skin to kiss and explore. He and I found out that the other was new at such explorations as well. Because of the discovery, we agreed to take our time in making such explorations since we wanted our relationship to deepen on all aspects – not just carnally.

As to climbing the ranks, Ju-Oh-Cho and Enma-Cho entrusted me with more complicated field and administrative assignments – a fact that Mako-san was both happy and wary about for my sake. I also continued improving my skills as a kagetsukai or shadow master, although the old man still teased me to no end that I still have many rice bowls to eat before I even get to half of where he was now in terms of expertise and power.

The old man and I became closer than ever before, with me understanding a totally different facet of him since I came to Meifu. As my mentor and master, he demanded a notch more than what I think I could offer for the moment. He had no qualms giving me a literal kick in the pants or sending his shadows to launch a full assault against me. He also counseled me many times on how different life in Meifu was compared to Chijou…that matters such as the consequences of one's actions have greater impact when one existed beyond the coils of mortality.

And yes, the old man became nosier about my love life – not that I mind his chiding and teasing. I needed a sounding board and I was thankful that he continued to serve that role for me among other things. In a world that was supposed to be filled with much regret and sorrow, Meifu to me was a happier place because of Mako-san and Asato. I felt at peace here, and I most especially felt loved.

"Seii…?"

I blinked, my thoughts snapping back to where I physically was at the moment. Right…. I was at Kyoto for the weekend. I now sat inside the ShimoGamo Tea Ceremony Room with Asato. It was our first-year anniversary as a couple.

Asato sat across from me, his soft smile laced with an element of curiosity and concern. "Seii, are you all right? Your tea's getting cold. Stop thinking about work for a change…."

I inwardly chuckled, the smile escaping from my lips warm and reassuring. "I was just thinking about how quickly time had been flying by, and how happy I've been since I've been here in Meifu…with you being a major part of that happiness."

And Asato smiled back, those eyes of his glistening with held-back tears of joy.

"You worry too much about me," I said with a good mood as I picked up my napkin and dabbed it to clean up the minute remnants of crumbs at the corner of Asato's mouth – another endearing habit that I developed whenever he and I dined together. He might be the most powerful shinigami in Meifu's history but to me he still could be as endearing as a child.

"Thank you…" whispered Asato as he blushed – something which he would do from time to time whenever I would do something so protective or endearing for him. He smiled as he reached out across the table for my hand.

In turn, I also reached out and then held Asato's hand with tight affection. Every time that I held his soft hand, how I wish that it was possible to never let go of that hand. To hold his hand and to see him smile were just some of the small yet priceless moments that I treasure in my existence.

Asato and I then continued our lunch, the two of us giving each other a recap of how the work week had been.

The hours sure flew by so quickly, with the morning eventually turning to dusk. By this time, Asato and I were at the reception desk while I took care of checking us in at a hotel.

After all the arrangements have been taken care of, Asato said as he and I took the stairs and went to our room, "Seii, this is a five-star hotel that we're checked in for the weekend. I know we're tired from touring Kyoto, but don't you think that it's a bit much?"

"We've tried every hotel but they're booked. This would do. Don't worry," I said with a smile.

Actually, Asato and I could have gone to a more inexpensive hotel but I planned this. I know Mako-san was chuckling and thinking that I must have been delirious for wanting to spend this much money, but I wanted to do this for us. After all, it was a special occasion.

I then opened the door to our room, or should I say suite. It was the best room that money could buy for the weekend. Champagne on ice waited for us along with a bowl of strawberries, chocolates, and fruit.

Asato was in heaven, dancing in glee from seeing the sweets and the pastries that came with the room. I saw how he jumped on the bed and cuddled the soft pillows, being as happy as a child let loose in a candy or toy store.

I, on the other hand, walked to the window and looked at the sight below. Kyoto never failed to be the beautiful and mysterious gem that she always had been, in spite of technology moving onward and threatening the still-existing remnants of tradition and culture via shrines and natural scenery.

Even though Kyoto had been spared much more greatly from the ravages of war and was one of the handful of cities about to rise quickly from the ashes of World War II, the traces of war and death was still there. I should know better since I had a hand in killing and escorting a multitude of poor souls involved in the war before Enma – the special assignment that had been given to me. I thank the gods that the bulk of the assignment was over but I know that from hereon out, I would never be the same again.

That assignment stole much of whatever little amount of human hope left within my system, the assignment carried out as if I held a list and checked in one name after another as if every single name was a piece of inventory...an object…

Was this how life of a shinigami should be? If I have seen this much already in my short period of time as a shinigami, I wonder what Asato and Mako-san have seen in their respective existence as they served Lord Enma all these years.

Whatever turbulence was running strongly inside my mind had been tamed as familiar and much-welcomed arms wrapped around me from behind along with whispered words of, "You're thinking too much again, Seii."

Turning around and facing the owner of that voice, I then smiled and planted a kiss on his cheek. "I'm sorry. Bad habits are hard to break."

Asato chuckled and then smiled with such sweet innocence. "Happy Anniversary, Seii. I'm so happy about everything…especially about us."

I could not help but have the tears glisten my eyes as I replied, "Happy Anniversary, Love. I couldn't picture having a life without you."

The two of us then kissed, this moment being the first time we have been intimate since we arrived this morning at Kyoto. The kiss naturally and progressively became deeper, more passionate…more explorative.

One moment led to the next and we eventually found ourselves naked in bed, our clothes lying in little heaps from the window to the foot of the large bed that Asato and I now shared. He and I held back all this time week after week, encounter after encounter…

And it all culminated to this moment between Asato and me….

I closed my eyes as the kisses between us continued, my body reacting so sensitively as Asato worked in more intimate ways…the two of us taking turns with each other as the kisses and caresses became more explorative…the night becoming more and more intimate until we have explored and shared ourselves unequivocally with each other in many ways.

I truly could not picture having a life without Asato...but I could not understand why a tear here and there escaped from me, as if the deepest core of my entire self was being carved open by a knife. It was as if the very thing that was giving me such happiness was also suffocating me…yet I welcomed it gladly with every fiber of my existence.

If the Lord of Death had chosen this very moment to snuff my existence, then let it be. At least if I die the second time around, I would still be with someone who I loved with all of my heart and vise versa….

As we touched, all that I kept thinking inside my mind was how much I would never want this night to end…nor would I ever let Asato go. In order for such to happen, I guess every day should be an anniversary day for him and me.

Yes, it was our anniversary. For a man who did not have much, all that I could give to the one who I love with all my heart in more ways than one was my entire being along with my innocence…and in turn, so did Asato.

The entire anniversary night was sweet, poignant, romantic, and steamy…a night filled with tender moments of cuddling each other in-between passionate lovemaking. I pushed aside my apprehensions and doubt and concentrated on the wonderful person who I was sharing and baring my soul with.

Asato might be the most powerful shinigami in Meifu with powers that I have yet to understand, but to me he was my lover and friend who loved wholly and so innocently. Sure, I might shake my head here and there when I have to straighten his loose tie, get sick from his cooking, or wipe the corners of his mouth with my napkin but deep down I found such things endearing about him.

The one who I called my lover and friend might be a child at heart, but I would not have it any other way. I love him for who he was, especially since there was no deceit in his ways. Little did he and I know as our anniversary night became more about sharing and loving each other completely, the Fates have other paths in store for us…paths that would test as to how strong he and I truly were inside and out.

End of Chapter Sixteen

Normal Disclaimer

Yami No Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness) and its characters are copyrighted properties of Matsushita Yoko. This fan fiction and the original characters that appear within this fan fiction belong to PJ Zatken.