"Let's get married. Right now. Let's just go."
The statement hung in the air between them. Tension crept up into the space like heat rising from a furnace, and suddenly Sophie found it hard to breathe. The wedding was a topic they hadn't touched since the fiasco with Dani's father with venues, and now her fiancé was there finally talking, but not at all saying the words the TV producer wanted to hear. Briefly Sophie questioned how they got there. How did she go from making jabs at her girlfriend about when she was going to propose to dreading and absolutely fearing the idea of getting married to the very same woman? The question was fleeting though because her mind quickly reminded her that a response of some sort was expected to follow such a bold statement.
On the bed, with every second that ticks by, Dani was slowly realizing just how out of place things had become. Yeah, she'd realized that their talking had almost screeched to a halt over the last few weeks, but that was just supposed to be a low period. Relationships were rollercoasters filled with ups and downs. Yet, with every second that ticked by without hearing Sophie call her crazy, making a sarcastic comment, or emphatically agreeing with the idea a knot formed in her stomach.
"Sophie? Baby, what's wrong,"** she asked as she watched the other woman lean against their dresser with her back towards the bed.
Dani's words dragged her back to the present in the most unpleasant way. The worry in the woman's voice tugged at her heart painfully while simultaneously bringing back images of her moment with Finley to remind her just why she felt so shitty right then. She couldn't even argue that it was jus a kiss because it wasn't. Honestly, the kiss was the least worrying part of it all. It was everything else around it that felt like the ultimate betrayal. With a racing heart and tears quickly forming behind her eyes, Sophie forced her body to turn and face the shambles of what they both had done. She wrapped her arms around her midsection in an attempt to protect herself from the anger that was sure to swirl between them once she was honest about what she'd done.
Pausing briefly by biting the corner of her bottom lip, she finally found the courage to let words pass her lips. "Dani, I — you," she started before stopping again. While there certainly was blame to place in front of her fiancé, that wasn't something she could use to justify what she did. There just wasn't a good way to say it, so she blurted, "Finley and I kissed."
The words didn't connect in Dani's brain for the first few seconds after they were said. They were just incomprehensible. It was so out of left field to her, that it made the woman wonder just how much she had missed. Had she really been that absent? Work had gotten crazy, and everything with her father had spun her head upside down,t t but Finley?
"Were you drunk?" That was the only explanation that her brain could cling on to that even remotely made sense.
Leaning back against the dresser, Sophie looked down at her sock clad feet as she shook her head in the negative. Knowing that her partner wouldn't accept the just wordless response, she once against found herself searching for the words to explain what had happened. "You weren't there," she said as if it would explain it all.
"Are you seriously," Dani started but as soon as she locked eyes with the pleading ones of her fiancé she stopped. It took everything for her to bite her tongue and let Sophie finish, but she looked away in signal for the other woman to continue.
"She was there, Dani. You weren't coming home until after I was asleep. You weren't even at the hospital when my grandmother was having surgery. I mean, who even does that? And I've been begging you to talk to me. Finley was there. She wanted to be there when you seemed to want to be anywhere else." It wasn't easy, but Sophie forced herself to keep eye contact with Dani. She could see how much her words were hurting the other woman, and while a part of her wanted to say that it was her fiancé's fault, it wasn't that simple. Things rarely ever were.
Dani clutched the sheets beneath her fingertips as she listened to Sophie's description of the destruction of their relationship. Every word was like a wrecking ball to the foundation they had spent so much time building together. As she clenched her eyes shut she could almost see all the small things that unraveled their relationship flash before her. Yet, she couldn't help but clench her teeth in frustration because while she had definitely screwed up too, she felt partly like she was set up to fail.
"I should have been there for you with your grandmother. I'm sorry I wasn't," she said honestly. Once again her ambition for her work clouded her judgement. When she was working with her father, she had already climbed her way to the top and proven she was the very best. Sophie was right when she said that they were supposed to be settling down before Dani uprooted her professional life. She found herself in a new environment with the desire to prove herself to her employer stronger than ever. Bette Porter's opinion of her mattered in a way that was different from her father's. With her father a part of the pride he felt for her would be given due to birth right, but with mayoral candidate Porter it was something she had to completely earn.
"I messed up, but Sophie it feels as if you expected me to completely change the moment we got engaged. You knew who I was. You know that I shut down when I get overwhelmed. After something as big as my father showing how little he truly accepts me and the woman I choose to love, I thought you'd understand after this long how I needed some time to deal with that on my own before I came to you. If talking to you more is something you need, then you need to give me time to work on that instead of just acting like an engagement ring but a time limit on how long I had to fix things. If anything, the ring was supposed to symbolize how we had all the time because we wanted forever ideally." Dani nearly added if that was enough sharing of emotions for her, but she knew it wouldn't be constructive. It would just lead to nasty words being flung back and forth which would only add to the pile of things neither one of them could take back.
Across from her though, Sophie was having a much harder time controlling her anger. Maybe the pressure to be better than her father in a marriage became too much, and she transferred that to her relationship as well. It was possible those fears and expectations took their love from a slow cooker to a pressure cooker that burst under it all. That was all possible, but Sophie wasn't ready to face those ideas yet. All that was swirling before her eyes was the hurt she felt when she was alone going through the biggest scare of her young adult life. An apology right then just wasn't going to cut it. "I'm sorry for expecting you to pull your head out of your ass and stop being so caught up in your personal shit to be there when I needed you. How much longer do you expect me to wait?"
The outburst was partly expected. Out of the two of them, Sophie had always been the more outright emotional one. Her partner was always willing to wear her emotions on her sleeve and bravely show them whenever they were felt. If the situation they had found themselves in hadn't been so surprising, Dani most likely would have shrugged it off. In the moment though, she found herself acting in an different way entirely. Slowly, the PR rep moved to slide off the bed and into the closet to get dressed. That was it. Her capacity for talking had reached it's limit, and that much was obvious. It could be seen from her tense shoulders to the neutral expression her face morphed to when she checked out of a situation.
Sophie saw it too, and with it panic rose within her. There it was again, but at the same time she feared it wouldn't end like the last times. Honestly, a part of her wished that it would. She longed for the predictability of her fiancé just shutting her out and coming back eventually which was ironic since those very behaviors were what pushed her over the edge to begin with. Yet, no matter how maddening they were, that cycle always led to the two of them being okay whereas in that moment, Sophie didn't know where they stood. "Dani, you're seriously not going to say something?"
It was a weak attempt really, but it was all that she could make out. The anxious butterflies swarming her insides wouldn't let more than a few words escape the chaos they'd created within every inch of her. It almost seemed to work too. Dani emerged from the closet dressed casually in a pair of light wash boyfriend jeans, tank, and jacket, but she didn't stop walking. Instead she took the engagement ring Sophie had given her that was such a precious family heirloom, and placed it on the dresser by the door to their room. The small gasp that escaped Sophie pierced her ears louder than any sound she'd heard before, and the subtle change in breathing that hinted how tears were soon to follow dug the knife even further. There was a finality to her actions that she wasn't ready to deal with yet. Again, process. There wasn't enough space for her to do that yet. Instead, she leaned against the door frame and let out a breath of her own that did nothing to alleviate the pressure on her chest. "I think it's obvious that you stopped waiting." Not being able to think clearly enough to say anything else, she grabbed her purse and started her journey away.
Away from the crying that quickly began to fill their shared home. Away from the years of love, commitment, and work that had been poured into a relationship she cherished. Away from her own disappointments of messing up so badly she didn't even see her own friend making a home out of the space that used to be hers. Her grip on the steering wheel was tight as she navigated the familiar streets of West Hollywood. As she drove on autopilot she found herself in suddenly waiting at the light across the street from Dana's. It was nine o'clock on a Thursday night, and suddenly she realized that while being around people wasn't her first choice, she didn't have many others. Heading to the office so much was what started the whole heartache she currently found herself in, so she turned to search for parking on the block.
It wasn't until she stepped in that she realized something was different. While the space was filled with Alice, Bette, and Shake, the rest of the usually bustling crowd was nowhere to be found.
"I'm sorry. Are you closed," she asked curiously while looking around. Things looked different.
Shane looked up at the voice and offered the friendly smile that she seemed to always have tucked into her back pocket. It was so disarming and usually what helped her win the hearts, or at least underwear, of so many women. "Yeah, kind of, but you're fine. We're just renovating. Well, adding a kitchen really. You work for Bette, right?"
The politician looked up at the sound of her name and quickly offered a smile of her own to the familiar face. Alice arched a questioning eyebrow if things really were fine since moments ago they were just talking about the messy complications that came with Tina being engaged, but the worry was quickly subtly nodded off. As Bette's PR representative, there was already very little about the older woman's current private life that Dani didn't know or wouldn't find out about eventually. "Yes, she does. Hello, Dani. What are you doing here? If it's anything to do with the campaign or trying to plan retaliation for the smear campaign that aired again, not tonight. I don't think my head can handle anymore of that right now without spinning."
Dani quickly shook her head as she moved to take a seat at the bar. Her legs felt like led all of a sudden and sitting seemed like a good idea. "No. Honestly, I just needed a drink," she replied as she ran her left hand through her hair. When hair didn't immediately get caught in the ring that used to reside there like it had so many times before during the subconscious action and wince nearly marred her features. As if she needed any small reminders of exactly what she wanted to avoid for just a little while longer before she addressed how her life had gone to shit. Although, if that was her goal, she was starting off terribly. Sitting with her fiancé — well, apparently ex fiancé's, boss and the woman who randomly let Finley crash at her house was not exactly how she would have drawn it up originally, but there she was. Making an awkward excuse would be worse, and she really didn't have the brain power for it.
"That we can get behind," came from the ever exuberant Alice who happily bounced up to move to the bar. "Relax, Shane. As a forty four year old woman, I can manage pouring some whiskey on ice," came from her lips before her friend even got the words out.
Hands up in surrender, Shane allowed the woman to continue her task since she really was too tipsy herself to even bother arguing. When the brown liquid was placed before her, Dani smiled and wrapped her hands around the glass for a moment before lifting it to her lips. The slight burn down her throat was welcome since the warmth that followed it allowed her to feel something other than cold, detached, betrayal, and guilt.
"If you're joining this pity party, you gotta pay the fee though," Alice started as she sat herself back down with her own refill.
"Alice," Bette chided slightly.
"What? It's true. We're baring souls here and talking about how fucked up our lives are. No one comes into an empty, closed bar at night without something being wrong." While Alice's blunt tendencies weren't the way the rest of the older trio liked to maneuver things, none of them were surprised by the astute observation. Their blonde counterpart had a way of reading people. It used to be used for purely gossip and trivial things in her youth, but with age came a wider understanding of how to use it to connect with others.
Dani though, was slightly taken aback, but after years in the corporate world had learned how to keep it from showing. She hid it behind the lip of her glass as she took another sip and calculated just how honest she was willing to be. "You don't have to answer her," came from her left from Shane who wore her usual coat of nonchalance. Any other time Dani might have envied it, but right then she was thankful. It was soothing.
"No, it's okay. I think I just broke up with my fiancé. I mean, I left the ring on the dresser, and she kissed someone else, so think might be understating it, but there you go. That's my contribution to the bucket," she said while making a slight toasting motion with her glass before downing the rest of her glass in one go.
Three sets of eyes widened at the news and then went back to leaning back in their chairs to get comfortable. Alice knew that meant her TV producer was most likely in shambles herself and made the mental note to check on her later after checking if she even had the younger woman's number.
"You fit right in tonight. I just told my ex wife I didn't want to raise a kid with her," Shane said to catch Dani up to speed. Shane saw the woman's brow furrow and interjected, "don't ask. The whole thing is a way longer story." She didn't blame the curiosity though. Who hears about ex's trying to have a baby together instead of raising one that already existed together? It was weird even by Shane's standards. Figuring that the night would call for it, Shane walked back to the bar and grabbed the bottle of whiskey that had been poured before. After topping glasses off, it was set back on the table.
After the two statements of vulnerability Alice chimed in about her failed poly relationship, and laughed when Dani gave the tipsy offering of the title trifle. Since Alice was one to share more than Shane about her feelings, she revealed how it surprised her that she wasn't just hurt by Nat, but by Gigi as well. She had expected to only feel the loss of her relationship with her longtime girlfriend, but apparently that just showed her inexperience of it all in spades. "I just — fuck. Dealing with heartbreak over one girl is bad enough. Two? And two that left you to be with each other? That shit blows," she revealed after her third glass. All the rest of them could do was nod in agreement because honestly that did sound horrible.
"And my ex wife, who I under the influence of hard alcohol can admit I still am in love with, is engaged to get married," Bette added lastly with bitterness lacing her voice. Yet again she failed at the one thing she wanted to succeed at more than anything even though her actions didn't always show her priorities lined up the right way. There wasn't enough alcohol in the city to numb the pain of losing Tina all over again. "We make quite the group, ladies," she teased. Some lightheartedness was needed to keep the night from teetering into the area of completely depressing. Toeing the line worked much better when in company.
"To fucking shit up," Dani faux toasted before finishing yet another glass. She had enough of the mind to not get a refill. If she did she would go from mild hangover to feeling like death tomorrow.
Alice, Shane, and Bette couldn't help but laugh in a self deprecating way as well before lifting their glasses slightly in accordance. Right then they all wondered if life was more about making mistakes than it was anything else they'd spent so long searching for.