A/N: Warning… it's time to find Derek. Grab a box of tissues before proceeding.
Meredith Grey was in no shape to be trekking through the woods, even if there was daylight. Bruised and lacerated from head to toe, Meredith was barely keeping the excessive blood inside her body with spare scrubs tied around her open leg wound and damaged head. Her ribs were throbbing, her internal organs likely bleeding, and she was so dizzy that she felt like she was going to pass-out.
You can pass-out once you find Derek, Meredith told herself repeatedly. You can die once you find Derek. You just have to find Derek first and get him back to camp so that Derek can go home to Zola.
Of course, there was still a good probability that Derek was dead. Even if Meredith did find her husband, there was a chance that she would discover him cold and stiff, all of the life drained from his beautiful body. Meredith would not accept that, though, not until she knew without a doubt that she could not save him and so Meredith hiked on, swearing to herself that one way or another, she would drag Derek's body back to camp, if necessary.
Along the way, Meredith tried her best to watch for landmarks because Mark had been right when he said that it would not be good to be lost. But it was so much harder to do in the dark. All there was, anywhere, were trees and they all looked the same. Meredith wished that her phone had survived the crash because if it had, even if there was no reception out here, she would have a compass. Everyone's phones had been burned to a crisp though, and Meredith supposed that she should be thankful that the surgeons were not barbequed, too.
Meredith had been stumbling through the forest for around an hour when she heard the howling wolves for the first time. They were not too close, by the sound of their barks, but they were near enough to cause Meredith to freeze up completely. How was she going to protect herself if wolves made an appearance? Climb a tree?
Yeah, that was a good joke, especially considering Meredith's current physical state. She had never climbed a tree in her life. So Meredith hurried on, praying that the wolves had other means of getting food.
"DEREK! DEREK!" she screamed constantly but there was never any response.
At one point, the dizziness overwhelmed Meredith but instead of vomiting this time, she just collapsed and when she hit the ground, she had absolutely no strength to pick herself back up. She simply laid there on the forest floor, her face resting against the cool pine needles, tears leaking out of her eyes.
According to Cristina, Derek had been sucked out of a window when the plane hit the trees. That had to have only been seconds before the rest of the aircraft crashed and the other surgeons were knocked unconscious.
How far could have Derek flown before hitting the ground? If it was much farther, he stood almost no chance of survival… unless Meredith was just wandering in circles but how was she supposed to know that?
Maybe Mark was right. Maybe I should have waited until the morning, Meredith thought as she rested but then she almost kicked herself for imagining such a thing. No, Derek is out here. Derek needs you and you will find him. You will get him back to camp and then you can succumb to your internal bleeding.
Meredith was attempting to pull herself off the ground when suddenly, there was russiling in the bushes nearby and the accompanying footsteps did not sound human. It could be something relatively harmless, like a fox or a possum but it could also be something much larger and lately, the odds had not been in Meredith's favor.
As quickly as possible, Meredith scooped herself up and had grabbed her hiking stick just as a mule deer edged its way through the trees. It stared at Meredith, unblinking, for approximately ten seconds and she stared back and then the deer continued on its way, silent as ever.
Just Bambi, Meredith sighed with relief and she smiled to herself, weakly, remembering George.
It was not just Bambi though, not at all. Meredith soon discovered that Bambi was only one of many creatures that called this forest home. There were skunks and possums and squirrels… owls and deer and wolves. And a majority of these animals came out to play at nighttime.
Once, Meredith tripped her way through a small clearing, certain that she had seen human movement only to find a black bear clawing a tree trunk. Fighting the urge to scream, Meredith backed away slowly and then moved in the opposite direction.
Everything was becoming too much to handle. Meredith was not typically one to be afraid of wildlife but this was different. It was dark, she was hurt, and her husband was potentially dead.
"DEREK! DEREK!" Meredith continued to shout but she also began to cry.
Ignoring her throbbing abdomen and her aching head, Meredith tore through the trees and bushes with nothing but her lantern to guide her. She screamed and sobbed and waved her stick whenever the wolves' growling got too close.
Right when Meredith was thinking about how she was not sure how to get back to camp even if she wanted to, she saw it… another small clearing, a few patches of blood, and a large white object that beared some similarity to the metal siding of an airplane.
Her arms quivering, along with the rest of her body, Meredith raised the lantern high into the air and stumbled into the clearing. "D-Derek?"
There was no reply but it did not matter because Meredith saw him. Derek was on the ground, engulfed in a pool of his own blood and the flow appeared to be stemming from his head. He was unconscious, at the least, and Derek's left hand had been smashed through a piece of wreckage which was keeping him immobile. Meredith froze, unsure if she wanted to get any closer.
But this was it; this was her husband who she had been searching the forest for, for hours. On shaking legs, Meredith made her way over to him, knelt down and placed two fingers on Derek's neck, on his carotid artery. His pulse was extremely weak but it was there. Derek was alive.
"D-Derek," Meredith repeated, her voice broken and hoarse. "Derek, wake-up… it's… it's me."
She was not sure if she expected an answer but surprisingly, Derek did shift ever so slightly and open his eyes. "M-M-Meredith… I… I heard… you… I thought… thought I… was d-dreaming."
"N-No, I'm… I'm right here," Meredith promised and squeezed her husband's hand. "Oh, God… you're alive."
It looked like Derek was trying to smile but not quite succeeding. His body was ice cold from spending so long in the woods without a coat. His breath was shaky, like his lungs could not quite gather enough air.
Quickly, Meredith shed her own coat, ignoring the frigid temperatures and wrapped it around Derek. "There you g-go. You're… you're okay. You're g-gonna be… fine. We're gonna g-get you outta here and… and take you back to… to camp, okay?"
"C-Camp?"
"Yeah, um… back where the rest of the plane went down, we… we're sorta… camping there," Meredith explained. "The pilot, Jerry said they were… supposed to r-rescue us in… n-no more than… four hours but… but the transmitter… p-probably broke. So… we don't know… how long it'll be… Owen has to… realize we're missing… soon."
Derek was staring at Meredith blankly and the latter prayed that her husband's brain was functioning properly. "D-Do you… remember… um… what happened?"
"W-We… crashed. The… the plane… crashed," Derek said, wincing from his pain. "Is… is everyone… else?"
"Everyone is alive," Meredith said. "Mark… got b-burned and… and Cristina broke… her… um, her collarbone and… dislocated her… shoulder but they… b-both should be...okay. Arizona… b-broke her femur… um… Lexie's… in bad shape but… but alive… and… I d-don't know. They should… be fine. I'm… fine."
"G-G-Good," Derek gasped.
"Okay, now… now I n-need… you to talk… to me. Tell me… if you can… feel your limbs and… w-what all hurts?" Meredith asked.
Derek took a deep breath; it sounded like there was fluid in his lungs. "I'm… I'm not… paralyzed, d-don't worry. I… I can feel… everything and… everything… hurts… especially… my… m-my hand."
Meredith looked at Derek's left hand. It was stuck at a strange angle which suggested that Derek's wrist might be broken, too. Carefully, Meredith tugged at the limb, hoping that the hand could be removed from the sharp metal with some extra strength. It did not budge and Derek cried out in pain.
"Oh, God… okay, um… we need help. We can't… we can't get you back unless…"
"I… I know it's… it's bad," Derek whispered. "I… I tried to… get it but… I… I couldn't… get up and… I d-don't know… what… what happened then but… it was… dark and… and cold and… and there were w-wolves."
None of that was news to Meredith but it still broke her heart that Derek had been lying here for so long, alone and afraid. She should have come to find him earlier. For right now though, Meredith needed to find a way to free Derek so she opened her mouth to propose a plan when she realized that Derek's eyes had slipped close and that his breathing was more rigid than ever.
"DEREK!" Meredith repeated for what felt like the thousandth time and touched his face; his eyes flew open. "I need you to… to stay awake, okay? You have to… keep your eyes… open."
"I know… I just… I'm so… d-dizzy," Derek moaned.
"I know," Meredith said; she was still dizzy, too. "What else… besides your hand? I'm g-guessing… you hit your head?"
"I… I don't… know," Derek said and that was concerning, to say the least, coming from a neurosurgeon.
"Well… does it hurt?" Meredith prompted.
Again, Derek shrugged. "I d-don't… um… know."
Meredith closed her eyes and nodded; what was she supposed to say to that? Mark, the plastic surgeon was burned and Derek, the neurosurgeon, was bleeding profusely from the head yet unable to feel his pain. That meant there was brain damage. It was not fair. Meredith wiped away the tears that were leaking again and then got in front of Derek and held up the lantern.
"Okay, you know… you know the… drill, Dr. Shepherd. F-Follow… the light… with your eyes."
Derek did as he was told and thankfully, his pupils were equal and reactive. Meredith set down the lantern and then sat down next to her husband. "Okay… you're okay. You're… you're fine. I know you're… you're dizzy but we… we n-need to… try and… get you… outta here. M-Maybe if… if you can pull… your arm, I can… I can move this and… and… g-get you out."
There was a sad, defeated look in Derek's eyes and Meredith knew what he was going to suggest a second before he said it: "M-Mer… d-don't… worry about… me. Just… just go back to… to the others and… and take care… of… of them. W-When help comes… come… find me. Take care of… of Zola…"
"No. No, stop it… that's… that's not an option. I'm… I'm not leaving… you," Meredith insisted. Her heart was pounding. How was this happening? Derek was bright and shiny. He was the contrast to Meredith's dark and twisty. How was he lying here, telling his wife to leave him, giving-up hope? How was this happening?
"B-But… Mer…"
"I'm not… leaving… you. N-Not… an option. I w-worked too hard… Cristina did… at keeping you… alive… after the… the shooting," Meredith repeated.
Derek groaned and as he did, there was a sound from nearby… a wolf barking. The pack was getting closer.
"They're… they're coming. They… they can smell… the b-blood," Derek choked out.
"Okay well… well then we g-gotta get you… out," Meredith said. "W-What can I… do? Tell me… what to do and… and d-don't… you dare… tell me to… to leave you."
There was a pause as Derek must have considered his options and then he took a deep breath. "I… I need you to… to find a… r-rock."
Meredith did not halt or question her husband for an explanation. She just jumped to her feet and scrambled around the clearing as fast as she could. The dimming lantern barely provided enough light for Meredith to find a fist-sized stone with sharp edges. She picked it up and carried it back to Derek.
"I… I got… one. W-What should… I do? B-Break the… the metal?"
Meredith was not sure if that was possible but Derek shook his head. "N-No… I want you to… to break… my hand. That's… that's the only way… it's g-gonna come… out."
A sharp jolt of pain ripped through Meredith's chest and it was like her heart was sinking all the way to the ground. She should have known. She should have realized, but she had not… how was this happening?
"I… I can't…"
"You… you g-gotta… you're strong; you help turn… p-patients… in the… the ICU," Derek said. "It's already… broken… p-partly. Just… just finish… the job."
Frantically, Meredith shook her head. Breaking a patient's bone in order to properly set it was one thing. Draining Lexie's pericardial sac was another thing. But this? Meredith could not do this. She could not crush her husband's hand with a rock in the middle of the woods.
"D-Do it… quick," Derek instructed. "And… and hard. Or… or I'm… g-gonna… die."
Right, Derek will die if you don't do this, Meredith reminded herself. You're not doing this to hurt him. You're doing this to save his life. You have to save him.
Meredith gripped the rock tightly and raised it over Derek's hand. She prayed that his neurological damage would numb his hand and block the pain.
"On… on the count… of three…" Derek continued. "One… two…"
Meredith brought the rock down in one swift movement and shoved it onto Derek's hand. He screamed, but there were no popping sounds that would have come if the bones had actually been crushed. Meredith knew before looking that she had not done her job well enough, that she was going to have to do it again.
Sure enough, while Derek's hand was bleeding more heavily, it was unable to be squeezed through the small hole in the metal wreckage.
"Oh… my God… oh, God… I'm sorry," Meredith cried.
"D-Don't be… just… just go… again. Do it… hard. Like… like you're… w-working with… Callie. Like… like when… you helped… Owen," Derek said.
When Meredith had helped Owen… Meredith had operated on Owen while Cristina performed surgery on Derek… the shooting…
Two years ago, after Gary Clark had shot-up the hospital, Meredith had stayed in the Seattle Presbyterian ICU with her husband for over a week. The rest of the world had ceased to exist; the only time that Meredith had left Derek's side was when she had to go to the OBGYN and be treated for her miscarriage.
Those hours in the ICU had been the worst of Meredith's life. They might have been manageable once Meredith knew that Derek was going to survive, but the head of the Shepherd family had been gunned-down and killed when Derek was only a child. Derek had witnessed his father's murder at only nine years old. Needless to say, the gunshot wound had affected him mentally almost as much as it did physically.
Meredith would never forget the way that her husband had woken up screaming with nightmares… the way he had writhed with pain, cursing under his breath… Meredith would always remember how she had to tell Derek about each and every one of the shooting fatalities, and how Derek blamed himself for the longest time because it had been he who Gary Clark originally targeted. He had vomited upon learning that eleven staff members had died…
Still, none of that compared to the act that Meredith was about to commit. She squeezed her eyes shut, tried with all her might to imagine herself breaking apart cadaver bones with a hammer, and then slammed the rock… once, twice, three times into Derek's hand. There were crunching noises. Derek was screaming at the top of his lungs and his upper body was borderline convulsing in pain.
Tears were running down Meredith's face, too, as she cast the rock aside and examined her husband's hand once more. She had finished her task. Several pieces of fractured bone had broken through Derek's skin and blood was spewing in every direction. How was he still alive?
It did not matter how… it just mattered that he was alive. Meredith gently eased Derek's butchered hand out of the plane wreckage, ripped off a piece of her own scrub top, and tied it tightly around his wrist.
"Okay… okay, you're… you're free… now," Meredith said. "Come on… come on, we… gotta… get you up…"
Derek was in too much pain to speak but he nodded shortly, his eyes glazed over.
To say that it was hard work was an understatement. Neither of Derek's legs were broken but he was so unstable; he almost fell a number of times while Meredith helped him to his feet. And then once Derek was vertical, all of the color from his face completely drained and Meredith barely got behind him in time to break his fall as he collapsed.
They landed on top of one another. Meredith hit her head on the ground. Then Derek's body nearly crushed her ribcage and all of the air was knocked out of Meredith's lungs; she could not have moved if an army of wolves were charging right at her.
It was the worst physical pain that Meredith had ever experienced. Her breath coming out in short, ragged gasps, she lay there under her husband, begging a helicopter to materialize overhead, wishing that they would both just die and not have to suffer any longer.
But Zola needed them so somehow, Meredith crawled out from under Derek and touched his face for a third time. "D-Derek… wake-up… Derek, p-p-please, wake-up…"
Derek woke-up slowly and then all at once. He coughed and retched and Meredith leaned his head forwards just in time for him to vomit blood onto himself.
"Shh, you're okay," Meredith said and rubbed his back just like Mark had done for her a matter of hours ago. "You're… you're okay. Come here."
As soon as Derek finished expelling the blood, he fell sideways, into Meredith's arms. Tears leaking once more from her eyes, Meredith held him close, praying that the extra body heat would help warm her husband. His skin was still freezing to the point that Meredith wondered if frostbite or hypothermia was in the equation.
Finally, almost a full hour later, Derek seemed to stabilize enough that he was able to be moved. Meredith swung his good arm over her shoulder and although it took twice as long, they managed to get him into a standing position and walking.
The trek back to the crash site was hell and there was no other way to put it. The sky was still dark so Meredith did not know where she was going but she had to keep telling Derek that they were almost there. They had to stop every few feet because Derek was so dizzy and sick; he kept dry-heaving and then asking for water but there was none. Meredith knew that she should have brought water; it was a stupid decision not to but her brain had not been working correctly and she wanted to leave fluids for Lexie.
Several times, Meredith was practically carrying Derek in one direction, only to realize that she had never seen a pond before and they had to turn around. During other instances, Meredith had to lie to her husband and tell him that they had only been walking for twenty minutes even though it had been two hours. Both surgeons shook with fear whenever the wolves growled and Meredith kept wondering how long she had until her insides bled out and she left Derek to die.
The sky was fading from black to purple when Meredith and Derek finally stumbled into the clearing that held the plane wreckage and other surgeons. No one seemed to be paying attention to the impending footsteps; perhaps they were all asleep (or dead) so Meredith limped forward until the pressure on her chest became overwhelming and she could not take another step.
"H-Help… help… p-please!" Meredith cried as loud as she could.
Cristina leapt to her feet and then shoved Mark who also woke-up and they both rushed over; Meredith had no idea how they managed to run so fast and she did not care.
"Derek, bro!" Mark gasped. "Come here; I've got you, okay?"
"P-Please… take him," Meredith moaned and thankfully, managed to transfer her husband over to Mark successfully. Mark carried Derek the short distance over to the plane and laid him down next to Lexie and Arizona.
As soon as she knew that he was safe, Meredith collapsed, suddenly too hurt, weak, and sick to remain standing at all. On top of all her other injuries, Meredith's back was now also aching painfully. She had a feeling that she had pulled something out of place while holding Derek up for four hours.
Cristina knelt down next to Meredith, who was wheezing. "Are you okay? Where did you find him?"
"It was… I d-don't know… it was… dark and… got lost," Meredith said and then coughed and spit but this time, luckily, there was no blood involved. "It took… it was… four hours… to get… back…"
"Damn," Cristina said and shook her head. "Okay, well… he's okay now. We've got him and everyone is accounted for. Can you walk?"
Miserably, Meredith shook her head. She had been walking for four hours but suddenly, she could not take a single step, not if Derek's life depended on it. "I… I can't… b-breathe…"
Cristina cursed and then spun back around towards the others. "MARK! Mark, get back over here and help me carry Meredith!"
"I'm a little busy right now!" Mark yelled back. "Derek's in really bad shape."
"Well, so is Meredith! Come on, she needs oxygen!" Cristina demanded.
Mark jumped to his feet again, leaving Derek for only a moment, and rushed back over towards the two twisted sisters. He scooped Meredith up in his arms just like he had before and carried her over to the campsite, Cristina jogging behind.
It was like the weight of the world was lifted off of Meredith's shoulders when she finally plopped down against the plane wreckage, an oxygen mask pressed over her mouth and nose. She wanted to go to sleep; that was all she wanted but Meredith could not do that just yet… she had to wait and see if Derek improved because he was unconscious again, struggling to remain alive.
Mark, now that he had retrieved the oxygen for Meredith, was attempting to help his friend. "How was he when you found him, Grey? Do you know his injuries?"
"Um… left hand is… b-broken… in, um… in several places. He's… losing… so much blood," Meredith explained between breaths of oxygen. "Severe… um… open head wound… he was having… trouble… breathing, staying… awake. I hope it's just… just fractured ribs but… it sounded like… um… there was fluid… in his… lungs. He was… freezing… so cold."
"How are his pupils?" Mark asked.
"Equal and r-reactive," Meredith said. "B-But I don't… he was… he was confused. He kept asking… um… he kept asking the same questions and… I asked if he… hit his head, he said… he didn't know. So I asked him if it hurt and he still… he said he… didn't know."
Mark nodded grimly. "Okay… don't worry, Grey; I've got this. Keep an eye on Lexie for me, okay?"
Meredith agreed because she did not feel capable of doing much else. But thankfully, keeping an eye on Lexie was easy. She was still sleeping, her chest rising and falling evenly with no signs of distress.
"How was… everyone… last night?" Meredith asked Cristina while they watched Mark.
"I mean, okay, relatively speaking," Cristina sighed. "We tried to start a fire; we found some matches but the wind kept blowing it out. Mark's burns were starting to hurt a whole lot. Arizona didn't sleep much; she was in pain all night."
"I'm sure she… she slept more than… I did," Meredith said and Cristina grunted in agreement.
"Yeah, she probably did."
A few minutes later, Meredith was still trying to stay awake when she remembered that they now had access to a limited amount of fluids. "Hey… is there… there's water, right?"
"Yeah, there's only a few bottles left but you need one, Mer. Your head is bleeding again; you're losing so much blood," Cristina said. The cardiac surgeon ripped up another spare pair of scrubs and used them to redress Meredith's wound while the latter gulped down a full bottle of water. Meredith knew that she was dehydrated so did not fight in the slightest.
"How's your leg?" Cristina asked once Meredith's head was bandaged.
"I… I don't know. I honestly… I haven't noticed it… that much," Meredith said. She looked down; the bleeding on her leg had stopped but the wound itself did look rather infected. "I'm gonna guess… there aren't any… any antibiotics… are there?"
Cristina shook her head. "Nope. There's hand sanitizer and we found a thermometer… that's about it."
Once she regained a bit of her strength, Meredith looked over at Derek for the first time. He was still laying down, unconscious, and Mark had wrapped his head with scrub material but was desperately trying to control the bleeding from his hand while at the same time, attempting to awaken Derek.
"Come on, bro… come on, I know you can hear me," Mark said. "Just open your eyes for me; let me know that you're still in there."
Meredith sniffed. "He… he was throwing-up b-blood… before… like… like r-really, pure blood."
Mark froze, his face stunned. "You could have mentioned that before."
"I know, I… I know, I'm sorry," Meredith apologized.
Just like he had with her, Mark lifted up Derek's scrub top and felt around on his abdomen. Meredith watched, as well, but her heart was already sinking. Meredith was a general surgeon and could spot a distended abdomen from a mile away.
And even though it was not his specialty, Mark could, too. He cursed quietly and looked up at Meredith, frantic. "Okay, um… we're gonna have to get creative here."
Meredith did not like the sound of that. "In… in what way? We don't even know where his bleeding is!"
"At least two of his ribs have full breaks. I'm thinking they might have punctured his lung. So if we don't do anything, then… then he's gonna be dead in an hour. It's just like you told me yesterday with Lexie," Mark said.
"Okay so… so… what's the plan?"
Mark exchanged a dark, knowing glance with Cristina who turned towards Meredith. "Mer… um… we don't have many options at this point… and… and I'm useless with my arm the way it is so… so you and Mark are going to have to team up and… and put in a chest tube."
"A… a chest tube?! Cristina, we don't have a chest tube!" Meredith shrieked.
"We'll make one," Mark said. "Mer, get the tubing that we used on Lexie yesterday… and the knife; it's next to Arizona. Sanitize it and then… and then give me the hand sanitizer so I can prep Derek."
Meredith shook her head. "No… no, if we miss… if we mess-up at all, we will be murdering him."
"Yeah and we'll be murdering him if we sit here on our asses, too so it's up to you. Would you rather take the risk and potentially kill your husband or do nothing and definitely kill your husband?"
Arizona chimed in from nearby. "Meredith, you've got to do it. Trust me, it's a miracle that Derek's lasted as long as he has."
"Fine… yeah, fine, okay… we'll do a bootleg chest tube," Meredith said. "But you're doing it this time, Mark."
Mark smirked, humorlessly. "Yeah, okay… I'll do the chest tube but you're gonna need to find something to close his hand with or else he's gonna bleed to death that way instead. Is there a needle and thread?"
"If there was, we would have used it on Arizona a long time ago," Cristina said but Meredith scooped herself up and started tearing through the plane wreckage again. There had to be something available to help Derek.
Eventually, she came across someone's suitcase that had been tossed from the luggage compartment; she thought it was Lexie's… Meredith opened it, hoping desperately that her sister had thought to pack food of some sort, but instead, found only clothes and a few toiletries.
Meredith picked them up anyway and carried them over to Mark. "Here, I have a t-shirt and a bandana… will… will either of those work?"
"Bandana could help but we really need is…"
"I've got it!" Cristina suddenly yelled and she came running away from someone else's bag holding something small in her hand. "A safety pin!"
"A safety pin will work," Mark said. "Okay, Mer… get over here. We wanna try to do it at the same time so we don't cause any unnecessary pain. Weave the safety-pin through the two flaps of skin… then wrap the bandana around it… use the duct tape to secure it. I'm gonna go in and… and he's probably gonna scream but don't stop, even if he's begging… just pray that he passes out."
Meredith agreed silently and just as she looked down at her husband to begin her work, she noticed that Derek's eyes had opened at last, and that he was staring up at her, conscious and fully aware of his pain.
How was this happening again?
I'm sorry. Trust me, that was just as painful for me to write as it was for you to read. But the good news is that Derek is accounted for now and now they just have to keep everyone alive. Don't forget to favorite/review! Chapter 5 coming soon. Xoxo, merderpedia.