Meant to Be

by kayleegshepherd

What if Lexie and Mark were not hurt quite so badly in the plane crash? What if we knew everything that happened during those four days in the woods and the months afterwards? This is the story of the Seattle Grace Six, their trauma, and recovery. PTSD trigger warning. MerDer, eventual Slexie. (Don't like angst, don't read. My first published fic!)

5. End of the Road

A/N- Thank you so much for all of the continued support and reviews. Here is Chapter 5. Also, I just want to say that I am really working on making the story "happier." I know that so far, things have been pretty depressing but I really don't want to skip over the surgeons' suffering/emotional moments like they do on Grey's Anatomy sometimes. Trust me, once they get out of the woods, things will improve! For now, grab a box of Kleenex and hold tight.

Meredith had never known pain like this, not in her entire 34 years of existence. Appendicitis had been bad, experiencing a miscarriage in the operating room was awful, and her various injuries as a result of this plane crash was brutal but there was nothing like watching her husband lie on the forest floor, screaming like there was no tomorrow, tears streaming down his face from the unrelenting misery that Meredith had personally inflicted on him.

"Please pass out, please pass out, please pass out," Meredith begged as she stuck the safety pin through Derek's skin, pulling it as tight as possible to limit the blood flow. But it did no good. For once, Derek stayed awake and alert as Meredith tied Lexie's bandana around his wrist.

When Meredith finally finished working, she crawled around to Derek's other side, both to monitor Mark's progress and to hold her husband's healthy hand in support. What she saw there, though, almost made her pass out as well. There was a miniature hole in Derek's side, the thin tubing from Cristina's hairspray sticking out of it, and blood rushing out. Derek's body was quivering; his face was white as a sheet, and he was still screaming, although the sounds were muffled because Cristina had stuffed a t-shirt in his mouth.

It was too much; Meredith turned her head just in time to vomit for the second time in two days, straight into the bloodstained grass. Not much was left in her stomach but the water she had chugged came back up.

"Dammit!" Cristina yelled. "Mer, you gotta retain your fluids!"

Derek's dying face flashed through her mind and Meredith's only reply to her friend was another gush of regurgitated water.

"COME ON, MEREDITH!" Mark demanded. "COME ON, HE NEEDS YOU!"

Swallowing back her gag reflex, Meredith crawled back over to Derek, ran her fingers through his hair, and touched his face. "Oh… Oh, God… it's okay… you're okay. I'm right here. I'm… I'm right here… with you…"

But the blood was continuing to leak from Derek's abdomen and if he lost anymore, he was going to die, no questions asked. Meredith turned to Mark. "We gotta… close him up. Bandage him and… give him fluids… M-Mark, he's going to… to bleed out."

"Yeah, he is," Mark agreed. The plastic surgeon removed the hairspray tube, and was wrapping the remaining gauze around Derek's abdomen when the right side of Derek's chest sunk down and he began gasping.

Mark's head jerked upwards and he met eyes with Meredith. "His lung collapsed… GREY, GET THE OXYGEN! NOW, NOW, NOW!"

Fumbling over herself, Meredith turned around so quickly that she tripped and landed in the pool of her own vomit. It did not matter, though; she lurched back up, grabbed the oxygen tank that she had been connected to moments earlier, and pressed the mask down over Derek's face just as he was losing consciousness.

"Derek… Derek, come on, stay with me, okay? Open your eyes; stay with me," Mark begged and weakly, Derek did as he was told.

For the first time since beginning the makeshift procedure, everyone paused to breathe. Derek's abdomen was less distended than it had been ten minutes ago, but he was also so much paler and although Derek was awake, there was a dazed, incoherent look in his eyes.

"Okay, now he needs fluids," Mark said and he passed Meredith one of the bottles of water. "See if you can get him to drink. If anyone can do it, it's you, the wife."

Meredith nodded. She opened the lid and then rubbed Derek's face, gently. "Hey… you need to try and sip at some water, okay?"

"N-No… no, I…" Derek moaned and trailed off.

"Yes, you… you have to. You've lost a lot of b-blood and… and we don't have any… IV fluids. Just take small… sips. I'll… I'll help you," Meredith said.

And despite his suffering, Derek must have wanted to make Meredith happy because with Mark's help, he managed to lean his head forward and open his mouth, the smallest amount. His teeth were red, caked with the blood that he had been vomiting. Meredith ignored it and fed him the water in tiny spurts until the bottle was half-empty and Derek could do no more. His head fell backwards and Mark caught it.

"Okay, okay… shh," Mark soothed. "You're okay, bro. You're doing great, you hear me?"

It was the exaggeration of the century. Meredith wiped away her tears. "Are… are there… p-pain pills or… or anything?"

Arizona rummaged through Lexie's suitcase. "Oh… um, there's some Tylenol!"

"Yeah… yeah, let's do it. That's… that's something," Meredith said. There was only half a bottle remaining but they passed it around so each surgeon received two pills. Mark claimed that he did not want any because no parts of his body hurt, but Meredith made sure to keep some aside for whenever he chose to admit to his burns.

Derek eventually came to his senses enough to lift his left arm and examine his halfway-repaired hand. "You n-need… p-please… loosen… the bandana… a little b-bit."

"You'll bleed to death, Derek. We don't want anybody dying here, okay?" Mark said.

"But… Mer… Mer, you g-gotta… save my hand."

"No, first we… we need to save your life," Meredith told her husband and continued running her fingers through his hair. He was a little calmer now but Derek was still clearly in an unbelievable amount of pain and Meredith could not forget about the way he had vomited blood. Sure, she had done the same yesterday but that was different. It was more vomit where a bit of diluted blood just happened to come up. Derek's blood had come straight from his stomach or lungs.

"He'll be okay, Mer," Mark smiled softly. "Really, it can't be long now until Rambo gets his act together and finds us. We were supposed to get home over 12 hours ago."

Meredith nodded. "I know but… he lost so much blood."

"Yeah… yeah, I know he did and Lexie's unconscious, too," Mark confirmed and then he looked up towards the sky. "Hurry up, Rambo."

While they were waiting for Owen to rescue them though, there really was nothing to do but sit. Meredith helped Derek drink the other half of his bottle. Arizona was finishing up her second bottle of water- everyone agreed that she needed a lot because of her femur- and Lexie had apparently consumed three.

"Make sure you're drinking too, Cristina… Mark," Meredith reminded them. "I know you're not… not hurt as badly but you're still p-probably… getting dehydrated."

"Don't worry, I'm drinking," Cristina said and took a swig of water. "I'd drink faster if it was tequila though."

Meredith smiled weakly. There usually was not a time in the world that tequila did not sound good but right now, it would not be wise to become even more dehydrated… and all that Meredith really wanted was food. "God, I'm so hungry."

"There was really no food on the whole plane?" Arizona groaned.

"No, they don't stock these planes like they do the jets… this was supposed to be like, a two-hour flight," Cristina said. "Maybe we could kill a deer or something and roast it."

"Yeah, if we hadn't used up all of those pathetic matches last night," Mark said.

"And what would we kill a deer with? Does anyone here even know how to hunt?" Arizona asked.

Everyone looked around but there was no response. They were healers by nature, not killers and it was unlikely that anyone had been taught. Meredith's mother never had time to bond with her daughter and Cristina hated the outdoors. Thatcher was not a hunter so it was not like he could have taught Lexie. Arizona hunting was too ridiculous for even Meredith to imagine but she looked hopefully towards the men.

"Derek was nine when his dad was killed. After that, he never wanted to touch a gun," Mark said. "And I basically grew up in the Shepherd family so… it's a no from me."

"If George was here, he could have shot us a deer," Cristina said. "Remember how his idiot family drug him out on Thanksgiving every year to kill that damn turkey?"

Meredith smiled again, weakly. "Yeah, if George was still here… everything would be so much easier. I bet… I bet Izzie never would have… r-ran away if George was still here."

"Don't say that. If Izzie had stayed, it would have been for Evil Spawn," Cristina said, referring to Alex… Alex, who was supposed to be on this flight. She certainly had not meant to, but Arizona had possibly saved his life by kicking him out of the Boise trip.

"What's Dr. Model doing now; do we know that she's still alive?" Mark asked.

"Yeah… last I heard, she was working as… as an oncologist down in… in the San Diego area," Meredith replied. "She got… inspired… by her own… fight against… cancer… I guess."

There was a long silence; maybe no one knew quite what to say. And then Cristina opened her mouth and began reciting Richard's old speech: "Eight of you will switch to an easier specialty. Five of you will crack under pressure… two of you will be asked to leave."

"One of you will be dead," Meredith said but no one laughed, not that she expected them to…

"Three of you will be dead. Did we forget about Reed and Charles?"

Meredith closed her eyes but she did not plan on falling asleep. She just did not want to think about the other worst day of her life, the day that she watched Derek get gunned down by Gary Clark and miscarried her biological baby… it was all too much.

Slowly, Meredith rolled her head sideways and looked at Derek who had been awake since undergoing his treatment but still refused to speak or move. "Did the Tylenol help at all?"

"As much as… as Tylenol can but…" Derek stopped short and for a moment, Meredith thought that something was wrong. She thought that Derek could not breathe or that he was about to cough-up blood or something. But neither of those things happened.

Derek stared up at his wife and then whispered, "Mer, you lied… you lied; you're… hurt. Your head…"

"Oh, it's nothing," Meredith said and wiped at the side of her head casually but her hand came away sticky with fresh blood again.

"Yeah, maybe you can get her to listen to you, Derek," Cristina said, sarcastically. "You know your wife was puking blood yesterday, too?"

Meredith barely had the opportunity to shoot Cristina a look of hate before Derek was hyperventilating. "No… oh, God, Mer…"

"Stop it. I'm fine," Meredith said and for the first time, she was beginning to wonder if that was true. If she had really been bleeding internally, she likely would have died by now.

But Derek still looked worried and kept glancing up at Meredith every two minutes for the next hour, as if she was going to keel over and die.

Minutes passed like hours. As the sun rose in the sky, the temperature did get warmer but it was never quite hot enough to be comfortable and Derek's skin refused to reheat. He may have been concerned about Meredith, but she was so worried about him, too. He was not looking good; Derek's face was still white and his expression was lost. The bottle of water had not helped him.

"He lost so much blood," Meredith repeated to Mark, remembering the scene when she had initially found him. "I guess there's no way we could do a transfusion out here, is there?"

Mark did not need to say the words. There were no IV bags or tubing, not even plastic zip-lock bags that could be make-shifted into something to hold blood. Plus, blood transfusions completed in the middle of the woods would not be sanitary and that could potentially kill Derek faster.

But Meredith's eyes were filling with tears of anxiety so Mark sighed and rubbed Derek on the shoulder. "Okay, you need to drink some more water, bro, and let's get you sitting up. You're really dehydrated."

Derek was unable to sit-up. When Mark tried to pull him into an upright position, he began screaming and retching like he was going to throw-up. So instead, the other doctors fed him another half bottle of water and saved the rest for Lexie whenever she woke-up.

As Mark sat with Derek and Arizona kept an eye on Lexie, Meredith could not help but scoot closer to her person, Cristina and say, "They've got to find us today, right?"

"They've got to… Owen has to have a search party out by now and… and it's not that far between Seattle and Boise," Cristina agreed. "They've got to…"

Roughly one hour later, Derek was improving. It was nothing drastic; he was in pain, lightheaded, and confused but Derek was also well enough to feel guilty about scaring Meredith and Mark so that was a good sign.

"A-Are… are you… sure you're… okay?" he asked Meredith.

"I'm fine. My head stopped bleeding and… and I'm staying hydrated. All that matters is… is keeping us all alive until… Owen finds us today," Meredith insisted.

Derek did not look convinced. "Yeah but… you n-need to get a bandage or… or something… you need food, we all… need food..."

"We don't need food. Humans can go up to… to two weeks without food and… and I'm pretty sure Owen is going to find us before then," Meredith said. "We have water… that's all that really matters."

Water was not going to be there indefinitely though. Derek and Lexie were sharing the current bottle which meant that the rest of the crew was down to three bottles. For six individuals that were already dehydrated from blood loss, this was not much and there was no saying what time of day that they would be rescued.

"Is there any way… you think you could help me… get outta here?" Jerry, the pilot called from the cockpit where he was still trapped. He was looking a bit pale and ill himself.

"What do you think, Derek?" Arizona asked. "We assessed him yesterday. I'm pretty sure his legs are paralyzed; Cristina stuck a pen in them and everything."

Derek let out a shaky breath. "Um… just… keep him… there."

"Yeah, it probably would be safer for you to stay where you are. If we move you at all, it could compromise getting your leg-function back," Arizona explained. "Plus, like… if it would start to rain or anything, at least you're protected from the elements in there."

Meredith prayed that it did not start to rain. They were in the pacific northwest so that prayer was not likely to come true but rain would worsen everyone's condition. Their coats and scrubs would become soaked and everyone would catch a chill… it was a doctor's worst nightmare.

"Are you sure there's not any food in there?" Cristina asked Jerry for the thousandth time.

"Y-Yeah, we didn't… pack any. Is there still… any water?"

"There is but..." Cristina trailed off; they had forgotten about Jerry and how he might need one of those three bottles of water, too.

"I g-guess you… you guys are… the surgeons and… mean more to… to society but… is it possible that… I could maybe… have one?" Jerry asked.

Meredith looked at Cristina who was hesitating. "It's not his fault… the plane crashed. The back end… fell off; that… that has something to do with… mechanics."

"Yeah, okay," Cristina said and passed Jerry one of the three precious remaining bottles and the pilot appeared extremely thankful. He immediately chugged down half of the fluids and then exhaled with relief.

"Okay, then… we'll decide the rest… later," Meredith said. "Or hopefully… w-we won't have to… cause Owen will… come save us and… they'll have bags of fluids… for all of us."

Mark smiled at the mention of this. "And food…"

"Food! I need food," Cristina moaned. "I would literally give anything for a chicken sandwich."

"I would give up my… my fellowship in Boston for… I don't know… one of Izzie's cupcakes," Meredith said and glanced at Derek. "No offense."

"N-None taken… I would g-give up… my Chief of… Neuro… p-position for some… fries and… and you know how… I feel about… fries," Derek sighed; he always lectured Meredith when she ordered the unhealthy snack.

Everyone laughed, which was a rarity lately. Even Arizona was smiling through her pain and then she began dreaming, too. "I'm such a picky eater but Callie and I always order pizza because it's the one thing we can agree on… I would let Stark run my division if I could have a pizza right now!"

"Me, too. I'd let Avery do whatever he wanted in Plastics," Mark said. "Damn, even the grilled cheese in the cafeteria doesn't sound too bad now!"

"Now, think of… of what we would all do if… we could actually get out of here," Meredith laughed. "Because then… we w-would have all the… the pizza and… and chicken and… fries that we wanted!"

"I would sleep with Owen and I'm gay, no offense, Cristina," Arizona said.

Cristina shrugged. "I don't care. I'm getting so desperate that I would be thinking about… I don't know, agreeing to have kids with Owen! And I hate kids."

"Too bad we can't… send a message to Owen. We could say, Cristina wants… your babies! He would be out here with a… chopper so fast," Meredith said.

"I would hope… he would be out here… um… anyway… to rescue his… his wife and friends," Derek added. "Or maybe… maybe he doesn't care… about… any of us. Maybe he hasn't… noticed that… we're gone."

"Maybe he thinks we're still in Boise, just held up on the surgery. I feel bad for those twins," Mark said.

Meredith kept on laughing but then she stopped short. Talking about the conjoined twins that everyone was supposed to operate on made her think of her own daughter, Zola. Zola was back home with Callie who was letting her play with Sofia. There was no guarantee that Zola would ever see either of her parents again.

"Derek, Janet n-never should have… g-given us Zola," Meredith said before she could help it.

"Why? We had… no way of knowing… this would… happen," Derek said; he was clearly putting on a show, pretending to feel better for his wife. "And we're all g-gonna… make it out… of this."

It was the right way of thinking and Meredith knew that. She nodded and stared at her feet. Yes, there was definitely a chance that all six surgeons and the pilot, Jerry would make it out of this alive but for some reason, Meredith doubted it. It just seemed too… unreal. They had been in a plane crash and a lot of them were still critically hurt. Until they got out of the woods, none of them would probably even know the extent of their injuries. Lexie and Derek could be bleeding out… getting them, and everyone else to a proper hospital with real medical care was essential.

After a few hours of sitting with virtually no changes to anyone's demeanor, Meredith heard some soft sounds of movement to her left. She looked over and realized that Lexie, who had been sleeping all morning… or afternoon… or whatever time of day it was… had, in-fact, woken-up and was gazing in Meredith's direction, most of her face obscured by her oxygen mask.

Meredith got up slowly, to make sure that she would not disturb Derek who was lying next to her, and made her way over to her little sister. "Hey, Lex… how are you feeling?"

"Um… it… it hurts," Lexie coughed through her mask.

Her heart jumping a beat, Meredith remembered that Lexie had actually not been fully conscious since right after her cardiac tamponade. How had Meredith not realized that?

"I know," Meredith whispered and stroked her sister's hair, softly. "I know it does… you have about fifty broken bones. But you're gonna be okay… you made it through the… the worst."

It was unclear if Lexie remembered any of that; she glanced around, her eyes wide and afraid. "Mer… Mer, I'm… I'm so… I'm so scared and… and I'm so… thirsty."

"Okay, well… we can fix the second part easily," Meredith said and she got up to retrieve the half-bottle of water that had been reserved. Pushing Lexie's oxygen mask aside briefly, she helped her little sister gulp down all of the available fluids and then smiled to hide the terror she felt when Lexie started panting, unable to go more than a few seconds without additional air.

After a minute or so, Lexie recovered, and she smiled, too. "T-Thanks… Mer… can I… can I ask… you something?"

"Of course you can."

Lexie nodded and took another deep breath; talking drained a lot of energy. "Um… do you… do you think… you're still gonna… move to B-Boston?"

That was a surprise; Meredith had not been thinking about her fellowship in the slightest. Until they got out of the forest, there was no guarantee that she was going to be alive for that. "Oh, um… I don't know. Maybe but… it'll p-probably get… postponed."

"Y-Yeah so… so Derek can… can get better," Lexie breathed.

"And so I can make sure that you're okay. I'm not much for up and… and moving cross-country when… my little sister is in the hospital," Meredith smiled weakly.

"D-Do you… really think… we're gonna get out… alive?" Lexie asked.

That was a bigger surprise. Everyone had been asking each other but Meredith knew better than to give another enthusiastic response like Cristina had been. Lexie, who could possibly be dying, deserved better so Meredith was honest: "I don't know."

It was like Lexie was crying; her body shook but no tears came out, probably because she was still dehydrated. She looked smaller, younger, and more afraid than Meredith had ever seen her little sister and she could not help but hold her hand.

"I'm sorry, Lex but… you want me to be honest… r-right? And the honest answer is that… I don't know… no one does," Meredith sighed.

"I… I know," Lexie sobbed. "I just… I m-miss my mom… I kept w-wanting… to be with her… I would do… anything to see her but… I d-don't wanna die… I was supposed to… to do more and… be a surgeon… I wanna… see my dad… again…"

Meredith changed her mind; Lexie did not need the truth right now. She needed to hear something reassuring from her big sister. She needed to calm down.

"You're g-gonna see Dad again," Meredith said and she was not sure if she had ever called Thatcher Dad in her life but she knew it would make Lexie happy. "Don't worry… w-we're… we're both gonna see Dad again, okay? And you… you are g-gonna be a great surgeon. You are gonna be the… the best neurosurgeon… in the world… even better than Derek, but… don't tell him I said that."

Lexie grinned a little. "I… I'm gonna be… back in… psych…"

"That's… totally okay. We're p-probably all gonna… be in psych… for a while when we… get outta here. I mean… I mean I was… already dark and twisty… now… Cristina and I are… gonna be a little more than the twisted sisters," Meredith said.

"I've… I've never really… been hurt before," Lexie whispered. "I mean I… I broke my ankle once, when I d-danced… but… I've never… had surgery. I've never… besides the psych, I…"

Meredith nodded. "It's okay. It's… it's r-really not that scary. We p-practically… live at the… the hospital anyway. You just… you take a nap and then wake-up… groggy and high on painkillers."

"I'm… I'm allergic… to… to almost… all opioids… and… and that's unless… unless you die on the table," Lexie corrected her sister.

"Unless you die on the table," Meredith admitted and sighed. "But d-do you know what? That is… not gonna happen… to you, Lexie. I will… m-make sure everyone… knows about your… your allergies and… according to the… the odds, you should have… died like… like twice already but… you are fighting through this. You aren't gonna… die on the table.

"Now… I want you to… to close your eyes and… I want you to think about… all the things… you're gonna say… to Dad… when we see him. We're gonna go… go out to eat… you, Dad, and me… and… and maybe Derek and Zola… if they want to come. Think about… w-what we're gonna… talk about and… what you're gonna… order…"

Slowly, Lexie nodded again and closed her eyes. For just a moment, Meredith felt like she was a good sister. She got up from where she was kneeling beside Lexie and made her way back over to Cristina and Derek who were now sitting together.

"Is there… any water?" Derek coughed out.

Meredith looked at Cristina, who had sort of taken over as leader. "There's… there's only one… full bottle left. What should we do?"

"We should ration it for as long as possible. Think medically, Mer," Cristina told her.

"Okay, well Derek wants some… and… and he's still losing b-blood," Meredith said.

"Yeah, so give Derek like, two swallows for now."

It was difficult but Meredith accepted the plan for now. It would be foolish to give Derek the entire bottle when there were still no signs of Owen or his rescue team. Meredith took a small sip from the canteen when Derek was finished and tried to force her mind to accept that this was the last water she would drink before rescue.

Cristina consumed a small sip when Meredith was done. "The only thing better would be some food."

"I think I might have a stick of gum in my pocket," Meredith said and reached into her travel coat from Seattle Grace. Sure enough, there was a stick of mint-flavored gum inside and she broke it in half so Cristina could share it.

"I don't want gum; I want food," Cristina said but she accepted the half anyway and Meredith popped her own gum into her mouth. It was good to at least have some kind of flavor.

Everyone continued sitting. Everyone continued waiting. Derek had dozed off again; Lexie and Mark were both asleep. Arizona had her eyes closed but was definitely not sleeping; her femur was broken and she was in too much pain for that. At least for the moment, there was no crisis.

For what felt like the thousandth time, Meredith looked at Cristina for reassurance and said, "They will find us today."

"They have to find us today," Cristina whispered.

I hope you enjoyed! I tried to work in a little humor with the doctors fantasizing about food and some sweet sister bonding between Meredith and Lexie. As you have probably noticed, this story has been told from Meredith's POV thus far but the next chapter is actually going to switch things up and focus on Owen Hunt and the other doctors back at Seattle Grace as they realize that the Boise team is missing. Stay tuned and as always, please leave reviews. They make me very happy!