The Call
~ Kitty
Chapter 9: Strength to body and soul
…
"A walk in nature walks the soul back home"
― Mary Davis
Morning tapped slowly at her consciousness the next day. The first part of the waking world that crept into her awareness was a stiffness in her joints and when she shifted inside her sleeping bag, all the abuse from yesterday came rushing back to her as her body complained loudly. She let out a long, sighing groan in response.
A chuckle beside her alerted her to her tentmate's wakefulness. Slowly, the vertebrae in her neck creaking like rusty gears, she turned her head to glance at him.
"Sore?"
"Nnnnngh…"
Inuyasha chuckled, a soft, sympathetic smile crossing his face. In that little moment, Kagome blinked, then tried very hard to focus. Perhaps he wasn't fully awake yet, otherwise he'd surely be masking the warmth in his gaze with something cooler and grumpier. His eyes were warm and bright and she struggled to fight past the sensation it sparked inside her fluttery stomach. This face, this look, she would try her hardest to remember, and the way it seeded a little ember deep inside her chest. They lay there, gazing at each other, the sunlight slowly warming the air inside the tent, gradually soothing her aching bones until she felt that maybe, just maybe, she could possibly sit up to face the day. Inuyasha beat her to the punch and carefully pulled himself into a seated position. He was on the downhill side of the tent and so when he unzipped the door and pushed aside the fabric, they were both forced to pause and take in the sweeping view. Compared to the quiet serenity of the sleepy sunset hours earlier, the morning light seemed to be playfully inviting them outside, adding a touch of innocence to the forested Alaskan wilderness around them. The river appeared friendly from this height, harmless even, as if yesterday's gauntlet had been a mere prank. And further in the distance, mountain peaks that had been masked by the colorful dying throes of an aging sun the night before now stood tall, stoic, and proud, guarding the vast landscape. Sitting up and leaning forward so that the front of her shoulder pressed against his back, she sighed, wide open eyes taking in the picturesque morning.
"Now that's a view," she said. They sat frozen for a breath, and then, to her great relief, she felt him lean back into her so that they balanced each other and held each other upright. She couldn't tell if the tension in her chest was due to her heart straight up stopping, or if it was beating so fast it was humming. Pressed against her, she felt his breath expand and compress his chest as he sighed.
"Yeah…"
She didn't know how long they stayed like that, the breeze lifting their bangs as it swept through their tent. He'd heave a sigh, sinking into her further, and she'd heave a sigh, dropping her chin to his shoulder. It was a peaceful moment that hid so much excitement. The ambiguity of their relationship, with so much unspoken, created a strange sort of thrilling tension between them and neither were particularly willing to directly clarify it. So the moment stretched out for as long as they could take it, before a rustling in the next tent over told them that this private time was coming to an end. Kagome shifted, carefully recentering herself while Inuyasha turned, looked down at his lap, then moved to exit. He didn't look at her or speak a word, but just for a brief second, his hand brushed against hers before she was left in the empty tent.
"Kagome," she murmured softly to herself, shaking her head, "Girl, you're in trouble…"
Hearing voices outside brought her back to the present and she rediscovered her bruises as she tried to extract herself from the tent.
"Owww…," she groaned as she emerged. Sango scoffed nearby and Kagome turned to make a face at her so called friend.
"Hey, I'm feeling it too," Sango said in response to the look of grumpy betrayal Kagome sent her way. As if to prove it, she raised her arms above her head, wincing as the joints in her back popped and cracked. Kagome rolled her eyes, letting out a long groan as she tried to stretch as well, bending down to touch the ground.
"I feel so old," she grumbled, moving stiffly around the tent. It was slow going that morning, everyone seemed to move gingerly and carefully, with more than enough sore bottoms and muscles to go around. It took a while for tents to be packed away and for them to trudge back down to the water's edge. The giggle and gurgle of the river sounded like the Iniakuk was laughing at them, taunting them for their injuries and preparing a new set of hurdles with gleeful anticipation of their return to its waters. How playful and sprightly that naughty river was! Gratefully receiving her share of the freshly brewed coffee, Kagome stumbled towards the river, finding a large smooth boulder to perch herself atop, and sipped the dark liquid slowly, eyeing the river as she mentally tried to prepare for the ordeal of the day.
When her mug was drained, she turned to glance back at her companions, taking in their looks of sleepy grumpiness, Miroku's eyes squinted shut as if unwilling to admit the day had started. His face was pinched and brought to mind the unhappy, reluctant image of a newborn baby, displeased with being roughly pushed into the bright, crazy world, and her lips twisted and tightened and finally broke apart into laughter.
"Ugh, what are you laughing at, Kagome?" Miroku grumbled crossly. He was clearly sore from the previous day of hard paddling, arms stiff and fingers slack. Inuyasha, already tugging boats to water, turned and snorted.
"She's laughing at you, dumbass!"
Miroku could do no more than grumble empty threats of revenge in response. He held his mug in both hands and, even then, seemed to struggle with the ordeal of bringing the cup to his lips. Sango was the more industrious of the pair, carefully testing her neck and shoulders, rotating them through their full range of motion, and Kagome decided to emulate her. Standing to come closer to breakfast preparations, she began the motions of limbering up for their next section of white water.
Their clothes had dried overnight, and Kagome distributed the articles to their respective owners. The densely woven fibers where embedded with small grains of sand and gravel and it took many rigorous shakes to clear it all out.
"Ok, everyone look upriver!" Kagome announced, ducking behind the washed up remains of a tree that had succumbed to the river. Inuyasha, mind not entirely ready to process speech yet that morning, glanced over at her in reaction to her shout, eyes widening as she slipped off her pajama bottoms. But rather than taking in the roundness of her shape or the tone of her legs, his eyes were drawn to the angry red welts decorating the skin of her backside and he winced before quickly ducking his head and turning around. Several of her bruises were already beginning to darken to blue and purple and he mentally hardened his resolve to keep her safe and uninjured for the remainder of the trip. It would be quite a task as there were still long stretches of meandering canyon and plenty of white water to go before reaching the Alatna river, which would take them down to a small village to be flown out. Eventually, bellies were filled and caffeine was consumed. Warm sleeping wear was exchanged for insulating neoprene and boats were packed. They were ready to tackle the day.
…
"Come on! Is that all you've got?"
Inuyasha had to roll his eyes and huff a chuckle. "I wouldn't go challenging the river like that if I were you," he called, grinning and chuckling to himself when she turned around to stick her tongue out at him.
The next several bends in the river were fierce but manageable, and Kagome had learned a lot the previous day. Her antics at the front of the boat were a ceaseless source of amusement for him, as she bounced on her seat, eager for the next challenge.
Hunger. She faced adventure like she was ravenous for it. And the canyon they traversed delivered in spades. She was never still, even when the waters weren't rushing. Her head spun this way and that, and her shifting would be transmitted to him in the way the raft rocked and tipped. And then she'd gasp as her balance faltered, before catching herself and giggling, turning to smile back at him with a liveliness in her eyes that forcefully pulled a smile to his face, even as he sighed and shook his head over her naive excitement. He felt her joy and awe inside his own chest, despite his well-versed familiarity with the wilderness around them. The river cut a deep, savage path through the grey, hard rock and created walls around them like a gateway to another world. Overhanging arches and grand monoliths stood above them, topped with swaying spruce trees that waved down at them like spectators at an arena, watching tributes being lead to their next match. Here and there, their little rafts floated close enough to the steep, majestic walls of their canyon and Kagome would reach out a small, delicate hand to feel the rough, cold stone. No cathedral in the world could make one feel so small, and no creation of man could touch the soul the way a single, fleeting contact with wild, river-carved stone could strike at your core.
And then turbulence returned, splashing and drenching and then she was shivering and laughing and shrieking, developing her sea legs and an intuition for the unpredictable river. She was strong, her body moved and flowed with a harmony that matched the beat and pulse of the forest surrounding her. And, though new to this habitat, she was gradually gaining mastery of the river, confidence rising with each rocky splash.
Turning the next bend and the river was calm again, treating them to their reward, with glimpses of blue sky in between the tall stone walls. The rock face was tall and sheer on one side, and then Kagome glanced to the other side and gasped, catching Inuyasha's attention and he glanced up.
"Oh my god, oh my god, look!" she exclaimed, pointing eagerly to the side where a small, feeder creek was pouring into the river.
Tight and narrow, the little trickle of water had carved a deep, deep cleft in the rock, creating a maze in the canyon that seemed both inviting and daunting all at the same time. A sliver of sunlight glittered deep in the narrow gorge and then they drifted away, the view clipping off as though a door had been closed. Kagome turned to him, breathless from the view.
"You could tell me that's the path to Terabithia and I'd believe you!"
"Guess, in a sense, it is," he answered shrugging. Kagome beamed back at him happily then brought up her shoulders in a brief shiver before turning around. Inuyasha saw this and frowned. They had many more miles of canyon to float through and sunlight struggled to reach them down at the bottom of the gorge.
"You cold?" he asked, "We can stop to have a fire."
She paused mid paddle, tilting her head to consider the suggestion, then turned back to him, almost sheepishly. "Yeah," she said, I think I'd like that."
…
Schedules were a thing to be scoffed at in the backcountry. They stopped where they willed and snacked when they were hungry. And so, Inuyasha turned to Sango and Miroku behind them, waving his paddle and gesturing for the next gravel bed, and the little caravan quickly made a push for the shore, beaching themselves and set up a crackling fire in very short order.
"Alright," Miroku said, setting down his bright blue bear bin in the gravel and prying it open, "I got chocolate bars and nut bars and beef jerky."
"And we've got the beer in the cooler," Sango said, jerking a thumb at the little pile of cans in the river. Inuyasha snorted, shaking his head.
"What?" Kagome asked, standing beside the fire, "It's liquid bread!"
Grunt.
"And it's good for morale."
Scoff.
"And nothing beats a cold beer by a hot fire."
Inuyasha groaned and rolled his eyes, but he snagged a couple cans anyways and moved to stand close to her.
"Oh, we only just put them in the river," Kagome protested, "They're probably not cold yet."
"But you are," he countered, popping the cans open and handing her one. "Warm beer for you until you stop shivering."
She tried to give him her worst glower, to which he scoffed to hide a chuckle. His lips twitched but his eyes smiled, even as he pressed the can into her hands. His jacket was once again deposited around her shoulders and she sank into it gratefully, her body disappearing until she was a strange, round fabric lump with only a head sticking out the top. Inuyasha watched her askance for a breath, a tickle in his chest, while he took in the details of her profile, before standing and moving off to gather more wood.
Snacks were consumed and bodies warmed. Eventually, under threat of gathering grey clouds, the troupe decided it would be best to move on. As they tugged their boats back to the river, Kagome turned to Inuyasha with a spark in her eye.
"Can I try steering?"
Miroku paused in tugging at his raft, glancing over at Inuyasha to observe the reaction. His roommate had been notoriously solitary throughout college, to the point of single handedly completing group projects whenever a class called for cooperative teams. It was something Miroku had taken shameless advantage of. So he was surprised to witness Inuyasha nod, willingly placing his well being in someone else's hands. Inexperienced hands. Amused, he edged closer, impressed by the patience with which Inuyasha explained the basics of paddling around obstacles and how to read the river. He would have continued to eavesdrop had Sango not grown impatient, coughing to get his attention. Obligingly, he returned to hefting the packraft, splashing in the shallows and positioning it for her to climb aboard. Sango was also sneaking glances at Inuyasha and Kagome and when she met his eyes again, he waggled his eyebrows at her, nodding his head towards the rafting lesson, to which Sango just rolled her eyes.
"I'd say things are going well," he called up to her. He watched her dark head shake from side to side.
"Impressively well," she called back wryly. They were upstream of the other pair and it was an amusing show, watching Kagome's clumsy paddling and hearing Inuyasha's encouragement. Who'd have thought that Inuyasha of all people could be an attentive and competent instructor? Her memories in school when it came to Inuyasha's "help" with homework often amounted to him storming off in frustration whenever someone couldn't pick up a concept quickly enough. Now he was guiding Kagome through the various pushing and pulling strokes, correcting her gently and demonstrating the movements several times for her to observe. They were chattering easily and the sound of their voices was interspersed with fits of laughter as Kagome conquered this or that maneuver. The river was mellowing out, becoming a perfect practice course for a novice rafter and even Sango was considering swapping with Miroku for a chance to tackle the river. She watched her friend for a time, a gentle, if not amused, smile on her lips before sobering as a thought crossed her mind.
"Did Inuyasha ever tell you what happened between him and Kikyou?" Sango asked suddenly. Relying on the ever constant rush of water to hide their words, Sango felt brave enough to inquire on the taboo subject.
Miroku heaved a sigh. "Nothing," he replied, "I can't tell if she dumped him, or cheated on him, or anything. For all I know, maybe she turned out to be a man."
Sango snorted, leaning back in the boat and enjoying the river's gentle rocking. "You always have to work Jack in don't you," she said sardonically, "But seriously, Inuyasha was completely traumatized. And yesterday… Kagome's right, there was something off about him yesterday after Kagome first fell in."
Miroku heaved a sigh, agreeing with Sango. "I have no idea what happened or why it all ended. I could never get a read on Kikyou, and she couldn't stand us."
Now Sango heaved a sigh, thinking back to their university days. Kikyou had exacerbated Inuyasha's solitary nature, isolating him from everyone straight up through graduation. Rather than a healthy relationship, it was as though she considered him a possession which she guarded jealously, only to suddenly discard him. "Do you know what Kikyou's up to these days?"
"No clue," Miroku answered her, shrugging, "She never had any social media. Last I heard, she was offered a job in Boston or something."
"And Inuyasha went off with her."
Miroku made a face, stabbing his paddle into the water. "I can't believe he turned down that offer. He was so excited to get the job, it paid well, he would have had it made."
"Then he disappears for a year and winds up in Alaska."
"Yup."
"Yup."
"Ok, let's change the subject, this is hugely depressing."
"Alright," Sango said, her voice brightening, "Let's get Inuyasha and Kagome drunk together when we go back to Fairbanks!"
Miroku guffawed behind her, his laughter shaking the boat. "Now that's a plan I can get behind!"
A little ways downstream, a little red raft floated, unaware of the conspirators behind them plotting their future hangovers. Inuyasha was finally beginning to relax, the first several rapids having been filled with shrieks and near spills as Kagome's arms and reflexes began to understand the motion and the rocking of the river. The latest set of frothy waters required little aid from him and he leaned back, feeling oddly playful, to tilt his head up into her lap to congratulate her.
"Nice job," he said. Viewing her face upside down put her in a new light and he was captivated in a sudden, strange new way.
"Thanks!" she replied. Her voice was breathless and exuberant, her smile wide from ear to ear. She looked down at him with smiling, bright eyes and reached down to pinch his nose.
"Oy!" he sputtered, droplets from her paddle landing on his face. He sat up, wiping away the water while turning to give her a mock stink eye. She giggled at him.
"Oops, sorry!"
Grunt.
"Haha, oh come on," Kagome complained, "You were doing so good with your words."
He shrugged and grunted. In retaliation, Kagome moved to give him a gentle whack with her paddle, only to have him catch hold of the shaft.
"Cheeky wench," he called her. Kagome's eyes went wide as her entire face flared with surprised outrage.
"What did you just call me?!"
Her reaction surprised him, it was a face he'd never seen her make before. Alarm rang through his mind before another part of him rose up excitedly to play with this new side of her. He smirked, a spark entering his eyes.
"Heh, would you prefer 'cheeky brat'?"
"Huh," Kagome said, her bright eyes narrowed, "Fighting words from a mountain recluse. You sure you wanna start calling me names while I'm at the helm?"
"Hey, if I go over, I'm taking you with me."
"Whatever happened to not letting me drown?"
"Never promised I'd keep you dry."
"Ha! If you had, you'd've failed several times over." She leaned in, the corners of her lips twitching upwards even as she tried to give him an accusatory look. "Some mountain guide you are."
He snorted. "You're still in one piece," he countered, releasing her paddle to poke her in the calf. He cracked a smile when she squealed in reaction, before continuing, "And you seem pretty lively to me. I think I'm doing a fantastic job."
"You mean I'm doing a fantastic job staying alive in spite of you."
"Good grief," he huffed, rolling his eyes before fixing her with a glare of challenge, "When have you almost died on this trip so far?"
Kagome paused then, thinking of all the moments she was sure she'd enter cardiac arrest from the different, breathtakingly handsome, looks he'd given her. As she took a breath to answer, he cut her off.
"Besides yesterday morning," he clarified quickly. Her laughter broke through some tension he'd felt when the memory of her first fall into the river rose up in his mind. She reached forward to grab and shake his shoulder and though her hand was small and cold, the gesture warmed him, bringing out a bright red coloring to his cheeks as something in his chest squeezed. Behind him, he heard her answer bafflingly.
"So many times," she said, "So, so many times."
He sent her a confused look, an eyebrow cocked to emphasize his silent question, but she only smiled mysteriously and shook her head.
They continued floating and paddling through the canyon, keeping a close eye on the clouds overhead and bracing against the white water as it thrashed and splashed over the sides of their rafts. There was one last portage to climb, clambering and scrambling up a steep embankment to avoid a particularly choppy section of river. And then they dropped into a wide, flat valley, finding themselves back in the shallows and alternatively dragging the boats and riding the boats in a several hour long push that left them panting and feeble with overexertion. It was an immense effort, to wade through the knee deep water with barely floating raft in tow. And add to that the energy a body burns to keep the cold, icy water at bay and altogether you wind up with four exhausted travelers staggering up a grassy bank, with only food and fire on their minds.
…
"Play you to see who gets more firewood?" Sango asked, holding up a fist for rock-paper-scissors. Miroku sighed, glancing at her tired face and Kagome's beside her.
"Nah," he said, squaring his shoulders, "Inuyasha and I can take a turn."
"Oy," Inuyasha complained, "Why're you volunteering me?"
"Oy," Miroku replied, elbowing Inuyasha as the grumbling man stood despite his protests, "Be a man, do the right thing."
Kagome giggled as the boys sauntered off into the nearby woods, shifting to tuck her chin even more deeply into her collar. Inuyasha had again deposited his jacket around her shoulders, the sleeves swallowing her arms right down to her fingertips so that she could barely hold the steaming mug in her hands. Sango sighed, leaning forward to absorb more heat from the fire into her sore, creaky joints, observing Kagome from the corner of her eyes.
"So," she spoke up, "How was steering the raft today?"
Kagome's eyes lit up as she answered. "Fun!" she exclaimed, "I'm really getting the hang of it! You should try it yourself tomorrow!"
Sango chuckled to herself, casually reaching over to exchange mugs with Kagome and warming her insides with the hot tea. Kagome glanced down at Sango's cup, bracing herself before taking a sip of the whiskey, the firewater warming her in a very different way as it went down.
"I'm shocked Inuyasha was willing to let you," Sango said, carefully keeping her tone casual and light, "He's never been much of a team player. I've never known him to have all that much patience either."
Kagome tilted her head as considered this statement, eyes glazing as she stared into the fire. Eventually, she spoke, thoughtful as she recalled her rafting instructor that day.
"That surprises me," she said, "His word choice can seem rough or impatient, but I never got the sense that he was going to lose his temper. If anything, I'd say he plays up his grumpiness as an act."
Sango snorted through her nose. "Don't let him hear you say that," she said, "Can't let him know you're on to him."
Kagome giggled before taking another gulp of whiskey then deciding she would much rather have tea. Reclaiming her mug, they sat in comfortable, noisy silence, listening to the spit and crackle of the fire while waiting for the boys to return with more fuel.
"He's had it rough," Sango said suddenly. Kagome glanced at her friend as Sango finished off her cup with a long final swig. When she didn't elaborate, Kagome decided to prod a bit further.
"What do you mean?"
"His mom died when he was pretty young," Sango said softly, "he hardly ever mentions his dad, and, as far as I'm aware, he's estranged from all his living relatives."
Kagome stared at Sango, her throat struggling to find words to speak. A wave of empathy washed over her as she imagined how it might feel to be completely alone in the world, without the support of family, and suddenly she saw the reason for Inuyasha's gruffness and self-sufficient preferences. Eventually, Sango sighed, her lips pinching as she made an expression of defeat.
"Don't treat him different though," Sango cautioned her, "I've never known him to react well to pity. He doesn't like being looked down on."
Nodding, Kagome blinked rapidly to banish any hint of pity from her eyes. Shortly after, Inuyasha and Miroku reemerged from the forest with armfuls of dry branches. She lifted her eyes to smile at him as he approached, casually breaking and tossing new wood into the fire. He sent her a curious glance before settling down across the fire from her. She ignored the gentle ruckus beside her as Miroku leaned heavily against Sango despite her mild complaints and eyed Inuyasha through her lashes. The firelight flickered hauntingly in his eyes and highlighted the contours of his face. He was a growing enigma in her mind, a source of curiosity and excitement, as well as safety and comfort. She'd relied on him greatly throughout the last several days and she felt a rising urge offer him something in return. The impulse went beyond mere gratitude. As she gazed at the wild mountain hermit over the dancing yellow light of the fire, she wondered, could he be brought back to the noisy, messy human world? Would she be overstepping her bounds if she tried?
…
"You want some help with that?"
Inuyasha turned to her, scowl etched into his brows. His braid had slowly transformed into a crow's nest and now he found himself tackling the disaster just a bit too late. Kagome held up her brush in her hands.
"Nah," he replied, "I might just cut it all off."
"Oh no, don't do that!" Kagome exclaimed, "I'd kill to have hair that long!"
She inched forward, the sleeping pad beneath complaining loudly of her shifting weight. They were inside her tent, the filtered light shading their skin with an orange, reddish hue. Boldly, she took hold of the end of his braid and plucked at the elastic band that held it together.
"Here, turn around," she ordered.
He made a face, but complied, sighing and tilting his neck to and fro. He'd forgotten what long days of nonstop paddling could be like and his neck and shoulders were stiff while his fingers and palms were beginning to tingle with a prickling numbness. Thinking of his aches and pains reminded him of the collection of bruises Kagome was growing.
"How're you feeling?" he asked, breaking the silence.
"I feel like I've been paddling for eternity," Kagome answered, giggling, "This is gonna take a while, my fingers aren't cooperating."
He smirked to himself.
"Even though I've been doing all the work?"
"Hey! I've been helping!"
Grunt.
"Ah, we're back to this now are we?"
Grunt.
Kagome chuckled, shaking her head as she worked through the plaits. She marveled at the length of his hair, internally screaming with jealousy.
"So, have you always grown out your hair?"
The question was innocent and she couldn't have imagined the rush of negative memory that accompanied it. His shoulders hunched as he answered.
"Yeah, my mom insisted."
Kagome bit her lip, berating herself for accidentally tripping over the sensitive subject. But then, the subject was broached and now the topic was tantalizing. She couldn't see his face to try to read how far she could press, but her burning curiosity for the man before her eventually got the better of her voice.
"... Why?"
She was half way up the braid, gently using her fingers to comb through the tangles and knots before tackling the mess with her brush. When silence met her question, she quickly backpedaled, fearful of the icy wall materializing between again.
"Y-you don't have to answer," she said quickly, "Sorry, I can be a little too nosy sometimes."
He sat cross legged with his elbows on his thighs, curled over with his head hanging low. He was so still, she could hardly detect the rise and fall of his breathing as she watched him, her fingers frozen in his hair. But then, finally, he sighed.
"She said it reminded her of my dad," he said, "She said it made me look like him."
'Wow, Kagome,' she thought to herself, 'Way to go, hitting two touchy subjects in a row!'
Kagome tried to remind herself to breathe, looking down at the little growing pool of sleek dark locks in her lap. It was soft, silky, without a split end in sight and she briefly wondered what sort of blessing of genetics his father had given him.
"So, is you dad a rockstar then?" she asked, matching his volume though striving to lighten the mood. It seemed to work, barely. He huffed a soft rush of air sitting up straighter, letting his hair stream down without obstruction like a shiny, black waterfall. Unable to help herself, she let her fingers marvel in its softness, gently working through the remaining tangles and snags.
"Would have been pretty awesome if he was," he muttered, then a bit louder, "It's the typical story, fancy rich CEO has an affair with his secretary. Fucker died before he could legitimize me, and ma worked herself to death trying to provide for me."
There was venom in his voice then, it made her heart ache to hear it. Kagome desperately wanted to see his face, she felt blind staring at his back. Her hands stilled and she mulled over her next words.
"Do you keep contact with your father's family?" Kagome asked carefully, knowing the answer.
Silence answered her and stretched out like thin ice, cold and brittle. And then she saw his shoulder heave a small, noncommittal shrug. Shifting, she moved around him before she realized what she was doing, gently pressing against a stiff shoulder so that he would face her. His expression was stony, hard and angry. There was pain etched into the way his eyes narrowed and she felt the sympathy seeping into her eyes before she could stop herself.
"Save it," he said sharply, "I don't need your pity."
Shaking her head, she tried to inch closer, even as he tried to lean away.
"Sympathy, Inuyasha," she corrected, her hands reaching out to touch his shoulders and trembling to feel how rigid he turned at her touch. "We all need it, the world's too cold and empty without it."
He stayed statue still, refusing to meet her eyes. She felt his rejection and it hurt to be rebuked, his unresponsiveness cutting her deeply. She began to babble without thinking.
"My mom raised us on her own, too," she whispered, hands dropping to lay limp in her lap, "I watched her work long hours for low paying jobs. I couldn't help her and always felt so useless. She was never home and I'd have to take care of my little brother. I used to promise her that one day, I'd graduate and get a good job and she wouldn't have to work anymore."
His teeth creaked against each other as he locked his jaws tight to hold himself back. He'd made a similar declaration once, when he was small and naive. Only his mother had died before he could fulfill that promise.
Unbidden, a long ago memory rose up in his mind. Late in the evening, a warm hand stroking his hair. In his hands, he clutched a slip of paper, a perfect score on his latest test. A boastful voice promising success and a life of luxury. It was hard to stifle a wince as he remembered his mother's soft eyes smile and crinkle in response.
Kagome chanced a glance up to his face, bracing herself. To her surprise, the piercing hazel eyes, previously hard and cold, had softened, expression opening slightly to let the bottled pain show through. Slowly, carefully, she leaned forward, reaching out her hands in a second attempt to touch the untouchable. At first, it seemed like he wasn't aware of her hand on his shoulder, his mind far away. And then a shudder, nearly imperceptible, as he glanced at her hand and raised his own to cover it. Then he snorted, the pain in his face pushed back a little and Kagome tilted her head.
"What?" she asked. He glanced at her, the expression in his eyes somewhere between exasperated glare and something glum and sad.
"You are nosy," he said.
A bubble of nervous laughter forced itself out of her in the form of a voiceless huff. She shook her head, trying to smile for him.
"I like you," she told him, seeking out his eyes and holding his shocked gaze, "You're probably the most unique and interesting person I've ever met. And I'm really grateful to you. I could never have gotten this far out here without you."
He was only able to maintain her searching eyes for a breath longer before glancing down, embarrassed. Kagome continued her stare, watching the play of emotions on his face and the way he seemed to push them back down, a frown beginning to grow on his face. Feeling him withdrawing again from her, she impulsively reached out to grab hold of his hands.
"You don't have to say anything," she said softly, "I just want you to know. I care about you. You can ask me for anything."
His eyes glanced up to her face again, as though checking her sincerity. Finding it, he sniffed, nodded, and returned her grasp with a squeeze of his fingers. Encouraged by the small gesture, she tried to inch forward again, bringing her arms around his shoulders carefully, hovering over his back. He closed the final distance himself, sinking into the offered arms with a sigh. Kagome held him tight, relief sweeping through her. His arms came up around her on their own and they stayed like that for several minutes, breathing in time with each other. She felt his chin against her neck, his face buried in her hair.
The embrace, tight and heartfelt, rekindled something buried deep down inside him. When a soft, shy hand reached up to stroke the back of his head, he found himself sighing, the familiar wave of comfort from a gentle touch reminding him how healing it can feel to lean his body against someone else's, close, warm, and supportive. He'd grown significantly since the last time he'd been in such an embrace, but the effects were the same and when he sighed again, it was like slipping off a burden at the end of a long day and the relief was felt throughout his body. He shuddered and held her tighter, pulling her flush against his chest and then, in the barest of whispers, she heard his voice next to her ear.
"Thank you."
A/N: hmm… not entirely sure how satisfied I am with this but oh well… the interesting part is over (in terms of the wilderness/river stuff) and now it's just a slow endless slog to get to the bushplane… so I guess i get to focus on inuyasha's backstory from here on out :P