The Call

~ Kitty

Chapter 11: Deeper the solitude

…

"Open your heart, I am calling you. Right from the very start, your wounded heart was calling too."

― The Call, by Celtic Woman

Before long, Kagome discovered that there was such a thing as too much lazy river. They spent the greater part of the day paddling like mad over long flat oxbows and she was certain her arms would fall off. And they still only barely made it to the Alatna before it was time to pull over. She was quiet, and contemplative as they went through the motions of cooking food and setting up tents and Inuyasha was glancing over at her with concern by the time they gathered around the fire to eat. Mosquitoes, light and buzzing, swarmed around them, just outside the smoky radius of their campfire.

"You're awfully quiet tonight, Kagome," Sango said, giving voice to Inuyasha's thoughts. Kagome glanced up from her food in surprise, a whole spoonful in her mouth.

"Mhrhm," she said working around the bite, "I guess I just realized we're almost back."

Miroku, passing out chilled beers from the river, plunked down beside Sango with a sigh.

"Right?" He said, "Can't believe we made it!"

"I can't believe it's almost over," Kagome said, "I kind of wish we had another week."

"It ain't over yet," Inuyasha said, cutting in, "We still have a long way to go to get to Allakaket. Don't go thinking it'll be a cakewalk."

"Gee, thanks," Kagome said, turning to him, her eyes brightening, "Aren't you just a ray of sunshine."

Despite her jibe, he found himself smiling at her, glad to see her lighting up again. He shrugged and grunted, prompting her to stick her tongue out at him. The spit and crackle of the fire was comforting, as much as the warmth it radiated. Kagome found herself once again inside Inuyasha's jacket as she hugged herself and she gratefully pulled the collar up higher against her cheeks. It wasn't that cold, she just liked feeling his imprint on the coat and having it wrapped around her. Inuyasha, for his part, was grunting and snorting his way through a stunted conversation with Miroku, his patience gradually whittled down to a brittle, thin twig.

"So when are you gonna RSVP to our wedding, huh?" Miroku asked, shifting closer to badger Inuyasha more effectively, "I get that you don't want to be in the wedding party, but c'mon, you at least gotta show up!"

"Can it!" Inuyasha cried, finally, "I don't wanna wear dress shoes, I don't wanna wear a suit." And more than anything, I don't want to go back there!

"Just show up in your underwear then," Kagome cut in, nonchalantly, tipping her head back to finish off the last of her beer. Inuyasha choked on the last of his rehydrated meal.

"That's even worse!"

Sango snickered into her drink.

"Better than naked," she said. Inuyasha groaned.

"You should go!" Kagome asked joining Miroku in his peer pressuring, "You haven't seen your college friends in a while right? It'll be good to catch up!"

Inuyasha snorted. "What friends?"

"Well, Miroku for one," Kagome started.

"He's here right now, mission accomplished," Inuyasha grumped.

"I'll be there," Kagome said.

Inuyasha tried to cover his momentary pause by responding sarcastically. "Is that supposed to entice me?"

Kagome fired right back. "Well, I don't know, do you find me enticing?"

To that, Inuyasha didn't quite have a ready retort and so he grunted. Sango chuckled behind her hand while Miroku scooted ever closer.

"Oh come on, it's my wedding!" he exclaimed, slinging his arm over Inuyasha's shoulders. He leaned heavily against Inuyasha, perhaps a little wobbly from the whiskey bottle being passed around. "C'mon roomie, old buddy, old pal!"

"Argh! Get off me! I'm going to bed!" Inuyasha rose abruptly, clearly fed up with their taunting. He stomped off with a huff, a scowl etched deeply into his brow. There was a muffled ruckus behind them as he found his bedding and zippered himself into Kagome's tent. Then all fell silent save for the popping, crackling fire.

"Maybe we should send Inu a photo of you dolled up in a bridesmaid dress," Sango said, winking at Kagome, "Think that would entice him enough to show up?"

Miroku sat up, immediately agreeing with the idea while Kagome just rolled her eyes. They were quickly getting through their beer stash and had made a modest dent in their whiskey which had been dolled out in generous helpings. True to Inuyasha's prediction so many nights ago, the mosquito presence had intensified as they spilled out from the mountain ravine and settled into the slow and lush river valley. Sango made a nightly effort to fumigate her tent and herself and reached over to saturate herself with another heavy layer of the repellent.

"Ugh, I think I might turn in soon, too," Kagome said, squirming and swatting the air around her. While the fire helped some, the mosquitoes were ravenous that night and were an ever present nuisance just outside the veil of smoke. The remaining humans were pressed in close around their fire, so that soot and ash descended on their clothes and hair, embedding into their pores and it would take many weeks of washing and airing out to remove the smell of campfire. But it was a comforting smell and Kagome enjoyed the evening, taking one last bracing swig of amber colored liquor before rising herself.

Sango watched with amusement and more than a little anxious sympathy, as Kagome waved at the air around her while brushing her teeth. Any pause in her movements, and a little bloodsucker would take its chance for a drink. Sango was not looking forward to performing a similar mosquito avoidance dance later that night. With a quick 'goodnight', Kagome dove into her tent, frantically zipping up the fabric door to block out the bloodthirsty pests and an entertaining shuffling and grumbling erupted from their fabric shelter as Kagome landed heavily on top of Inuyasha. Eventually they quieted down and Sango turned back to the fire.

…

The slip of paper trembled as his eyes scanned the neatly written note. Fluttering, it slid out from his fingers like water, falling to the floor. His lungs burned as his brain slowly kicked into gear. And then suddenly, he was in motion, blindly racing upstairs, throwing open doors as he searched for her. A table fell over, a crash as their bedroom door separated from its hinges.

"Why aren't you here with me? Why have you left me alone?"

…

He wasn't sure what roused him but he was suddenly wide awake, staring at the darkened fabric ceiling with a restless ache pressing against his ribs. He tried to breath, taking in long, sharp draughts of air into his lungs but nothing seemed to sate the compressing feel of his lungs screaming for air. It was manageable, nothing like the frantic terrors when the wound was still fresh. But it was still harrowing and frightening as his body manifested the agony his mind tried to squeeze into a tight little black box inside his heart.

What had he been searching for out here?

Inuyasha bit his lip in an effort to clench down and stifle the crushing sensation. It both collapsed and rose within him and he cringed as it threatened to spill out. Relief, forgetfulness, he'd been searching for distraction and an escape. But his ghosts had a funny way of collecting at the fringes of his consciousness and whenever he paused, he'd found them haunting him, waiting to be given the attention they craved. Guilt, regret, and hours and hours of reliving the nightmare until he felt himself reeling out of control. Breathing shallowly, he turned over to hug himself in fetal position, bringing up his legs, however hampered by the narrow sleeping bag, in an outward attempt to hold himself together.

His first glimpse of her, sleeping peacefully beside him, his jacket still tucked tightly under her chin, sent a wash of relief through him, sweet and soothing, and he was startled by the immediacy of his reaction to her. His mind, open and raw, allowed stray thoughts to flit through unregulated and in the flash of just a few seconds, all his consciousness was filled with Kagome. Her frightened, concerned eyes when he'd first tried to hold her gaze. The easy smile that made him feel it was something special saved just for him. Her unabashed awe and glee to first set foot in the Alaskan taiga and her brash enthusiasm to take on whatever the wilderness was going to throw at her. There was bravery in her innocent willingness to plunge into the river, and a resilience that bore her through her repeated beatings by Mother Nature. And gradually, as his recollections of her ceaseless sunny radiance that somehow glowed through even the greyest days of their trip, it came to his awareness that he admired her. Even as she confessed her fatigue of the daily grind waiting for her after they returned, it was with a curious backdrop of optimism despite the futile struggle she described. She was a willow, veiled by a deceiptive curtain of young, green branches but held up by a strong, pliable trunk that could bend but would not break. And lying so close, near enough to feel her breath on his face, inside the shelter of her tent, he suddenly felt a surge of renewed strength, as if her presence bolstered him in his weakness and her radiance was gentle in its encouragement.

Without realizing it, he pulled an arm out from his sleeping bag and reached out to touch her cheek. She was warm, and soft, and alive, and his fingers moved without his permission, tracing their way down her chin and finding her lips. They parted as she sighed and then he panicked as her eyes slowly opened to reveal her sleepy, warm gaze. Perhaps she wasn't fully awake or perhaps she was still dreaming. Her hand came up to find his and her fingertips left fire in their wake. She grasped his hand in her slender palm and pulled him in, smiling as she tucked their joined hands close to her chest. She nuzzled closer and with another happy sigh, drifted back to the land of dreams.

It was like her warmth flowed into him from their contact and suddenly it was all he could do to return her smile as his eyelids fluttered, and dipped, and he, too, gradually descended back to sleep. And it was a rest that went deeper and farther than a mere respite for his body.

…

"Over there! Over there!" Kagome bounced from her seat in the middle of the boat. She had relinquished her position back to Inuyasha and was now in charge of wildlife sightings. Over the course of the morning, she'd spotted several rock bears and bush bears and for a time, she had all four of them convinced a frothy floating clump of bubbly foam was a flock of ducklings.

"That's a rock, Kagome," Inuyasha said, barely glancing in the direction she was pointing. In front of him, Kagome blew a raspberry.

"Another rock bear?" Kagome all but growled in frustration. The river was even tamer today than yesterday. The water was flat and when the wind blew, they were buffeted upstream and had to fight to continue onward to their destination. They were at real risk of boredom in these long stretches of drifting and paddling and they were all sorely tempted to nap their way to town. The sky was grey and the air was cold and so Kagome's bouncing was more for warmth than excitement over the latest rock mistaken for bear she'd spotted.

Suddenly, movement flashed in the corner of her eye and she whirled around.

"Bush, or log this time?" Inuyasha asked, voice bored and sarcastic.

"Goose!" Kagome cried, "Baby geese! Four of them!"

"Are you sure?" he teased, obviously less than enthused, as he turned to obligingly glance at the direction she was pointing in. Four little fuzzy bodies were huddled against a washed out bank, staring at them as they snuggled against each other.

"Huh," he grunted, "What do you know. You finally found something."

"They're cute!" Kagome said. And then, teasingly, "Are they vicious little fuckers too?"

Inuyasha, for his part, was struggling to comprehend Kagome's enthusiasm for the common Canadian goose, but chose to favor her with a tolerant look, rather than ridicule her excitement.

"Have you ever tried to feed those things? Geese can be vicious little fuckers too."

The bright flutter of her laughter lightened up his otherwise bored face and warmed his insides as he continued to dutifully paddle the boat forward. Flat water was turning out to be an even worse adversary than the rapids as the chilly wind tried its best to keep them at the foothills of the Brooks Range while they fought their way downriver. Another noisy silence filled the space between them as Kagome settled back down and joined in the labor of getting them further along the Alatna. After days on the river and a week before that, roughing it on foot, Kagome could well and truly declare herself to be exhausted and eagerly looking forward to a hot shower. But they had several days left on serve on the river yet and she groaned as she thought of it, exaggeratingly sinking backward until she fell into Inuyasha's lap behind her.

"Your puny arms tired?" he teased, trying to keep his voice even as his brain frantically tried to adapt to this new position, wholly mentally unprepared to have her between his legs in any shape or configuration.

"Yup, paddling's all up to you now," she responded, determinedly not rising up to his bait.

"... Weakling," he taunted.

"Poop face."

Her back was warm where it lay low against his chest and he shifted to more comfortably paddle around her. He was hyper aware of where the exposed skin of his legs made contact with any part of her and it was a massive effort to keep the more primal portion of his brain distracted from her proximity to certain parts of his anatomy. A suspicious part of him wondered if she was doing this on purpose. With her paddle tucked in at the front of the raft, Kagome had her hands free and was gingerly stretching out her sore, tingling fingers, apparently blissfully unaware of his internal screaming.

"Did you sleep ok last night?" Kagome asked, her question startling and abrupt. Inuyasha paused in his paddling to frown.

"Why d'you ask?" His first instinct was defensive.

"I vaguely remember you tossing a lot last night."

"Couldn't get comfortable," he said after a longer pause.

"Bad dreams?"

Grunt.

"Cause I think you were calling out to someone."

Silence. Things were starting to get a little too close to home.

"I think you were calling someone named K-."

"It's none of your business," he blurted out, cutting her off. Kagome stiffened against his chest for a moment, before heaving a deep breath and sitting up again. The loss of her body heat was profound for him and left him feeling empty. Kagome turned, catching his gaze with a solemn expression.

"You're right," she said, "It's not."

And now, as though she lost her nerve, her gaze dropped to somewhere around his chest, then lower still to her hands as they toyed with each other in her lap. There must have been some strain in her back as she twisted around to face him, but the moment hung in the air like an eternity as she gathered herself before lifting her eyes back up to his.

"But," she said, her voice small and made him lean in to hear her, "But I want to make it my business."

Her voice was a whisper at this point, and as his eyes zoomed out to take in the rest of her face, he saw that she was flushed, her cheeks bright and her brows puckered. Her gaze was direct, almost aggressive in the way it tried to express her sincerity.

"I'd like to think we've become friends during this trip," she said, her eyes searching his, "I'd like to share things and keep in touch after we all go home."

He couldn't describe the bizarre stillness that filled the space between them in that moment. There was an earnestness in her face that cried out to him, desperately asking him to understand. And there was a part of him, unsure and always suspicious, that sense she meant something more than what she'd just declared. He shifted uncomfortably, he bit the inside of his cheek. His eyes darted around to the waters surrounding them and then to the river bank beyond. His mind was drawing a barren, white blank and simply couldn't process what she'd just asked of him. And so, desperately, his gaze sought a distraction to remove the uneasy tension suddenly stretching between them.

And then suddenly, his reprieve.

"Look!"

Perhaps his diversion was clumsy and abrupt, but Kagome sighed and obliged him anyway. Turning, she moved to scan the riverbank he was pointing to, her eyes squinting as she tried to pick out whatever it was that had caught his attention, struggling to pick out brown against brown. With sky reflected in ever moving ripples in the water, and the breeze tossing the branches of the trees, it was difficult to figure out what she should be looking at. And then his warmth was against her back as he leaned down over her shoulder, binoculars in hand. He brought his face close to hers, a conscious choice? So close, she could feel the prick of his growing facial hair against her cheek and a heat rose up in them as she tried to focus on the shoreline.

And then tapping against her shoulder, replaced by a firm grasp that pulled her closer to his body. Carefully, she brought her eyes behind the carefully aimed binoculars, the round, bobbing circle of focus through the lens disorienting her as she peered through. She narrowed her eyes, wincing almost, as she stared through, until a distinctly non foliage shape locked into place in her vision.

"Oh my…!"

Again, her breath was stolen from her, trapped inside a small, intimate moment with nature. A moose cow and calf, their gangely, knobby legs holding them high above the muddy riverbank, stared at the colorful floating rafts as they drifted by. The calf was a lighter shade, nearly orange, and now that she'd spotted them, she had to wonder how she could possibly mistake a rock or bush for such distinctive, purposefully moving silhouettes. The mother stood tall and protective, her baby nuzzled close to her body, it's clumsy, fluttery movements a perfect match for any young, new life. And then the mother shifted, her long, round face swinging around, as she decided these strange trespassers should not be allowed to gawk so unabashedly at her child, and with dainty, careful steps, she led her calf downstream, before plunging into the river.

"Wait, this river's deep!" Kagome whispered urgently, tugging at Inuyasha's sleeve. The heart inside his chest trembled with relief to see the girl before him completely enraptured by the sighting and dropping the subject of their earlier conversation. He relaxed as he answered her.

"The current's not too strong and moose calves are good swimmers."

"That's a relief," she answered. Kagome still held Inuyasha's binoculars hostage, following the pair as they swam across the river to the other side. The little calf barely kept its slender head above the water but when they made it to shore, it merely shook itself, water spraying playfully off its skinny hindquarters, before prancing after mom back into the forest.

"No matter what you come out here searching for," Kagome said, wistfully, "There's always one thing you're sure to find."

Inuyasha stared at her profile, waiting for her to complete her thought. Her face was relaxed and smooth, but for a crinkle around her eyes where they revealed shallow laugh lines as she stared absently after the little wild pair. And then she sighed and shook her head, turning her eyes to gaze back at the mountain range behind them. And then she turned again to face forward and downstream, toward their destination and ticket back to civilization. The humans stayed silent for a breath or two more before Inuyasha picked up his paddle, dipping it deep into the water to surge them forward. His movements were strong and determined, and his grip was tight around the shaft as he waited for Kagome. Would she continue to press the issue? His nerves began to fire up as he watched her back.

To his relief, she only turned to tuck the binoculars away before taking up her paddle again as well. And then the silence was filled, noisily, with a rhythmic splashing and squeaking as the raft sprung forward with each synchronized stroke. The sky was grey and the water was cold. And the forest opened up for them around each bend as though the lush green trees were a veil that slowly lifted to reveal just a bit more of their magical wilderness surroundings to reward their hard labor. But it was always more of the same and Kagome allowed her eyes to glaze over, resting them in a spectrum of greens and browns, as her arms switched over to autopilot. Behind her, Inuyasha wore a frown between his eyes as he pondered Kagome's gentle knocking against the door to his heart.

We've become friends during this trip.

His expression was pensive as he internally mulled over her request.

I'd really like to get to know you more. She'd said. I want to make it my business.

And then he wondered. How much should I tell her?

…

The clouds grew thicker and darker and a light drizzle was soon upon them. Dinner was a hasty affair, helped along by the lack of dry fuel for the fire. The cold seemed to seep into Kagome's bones as water trickled under her raincoat, each raise of her arm as she paddled welcomed a new drop of river water through, up her arm and under her sleeves. She was shivering by the time Inuyasha scouted a flat patch well draining ground near a tributary to call them to a stop for the day.

While sitting and shivering in a raft was certainly no fun, the effort of stepping out into the cold water, pulling the cold into her feet and then up her legs to her core was almost a final straw for the miserable last several hours and she was biting her lip viciously to keep from complaining. But the necessities of survival needed to be taken care of first. Kagome sloshed and tugged with the rest of them as they pulled their rafts up the rocky bank and tipped them over to dump the water that had trickled in during the day. She very soon found herself under Inuyasha's large, warm coat as they trudged up the bank. It was another frantic hustle to strip off sodden clothing and somehow start a fire with the waterlogged wood scattered around their chosen campsite. And then around them, a cloud of grey was recognized and Sango shrieked as she dove for her pack to pull out the bug spray.

"Holy fuck! It's a swarm of them!" Sango was reduced to a flapping, comical pantomime of a flightless bird as she stamped and whirled and swatted at the air around her face. It was a fruitless effort, the swarm would not be dissuaded and it seemed that the more she strove to drive the pesky little things away, the more attention she attracted unto herself.

Thankfully, Inuyasha had a miraculous way with fire and from the damp twigs and sodden logs, a flickering orange light sprung to life and devoured the offered kindling hungrily, giving off mosquito repelling smoke in a spray of little yellow sparks. Kagome was sorely tempted to stand practically in the fire in an effort to both warm up her still quaking insides as well as bathe her bare legs with the smoke to keep the mosquitos at bay. The evening was a short one, quickly stacking up sodden clothes near the heat of the dying embers before making mad dashes to the woods for a final bathroom break.

The sky was still bright, even through the layer of drizzling clouds. But the nearer cloud of buzzing, hovering bloodsuckers forced them into their fabric shelters early. They dove into their tents in a frantic, dramatic kerfuffle and spend several minutes checking every corner for any infiltrating insects. Eventually, Kagome finally breathed a sigh of relief, declaring their tent mosquito free.

"G'night," she called out to the neighboring tent, receiving a pair of goodnight greetings in return. She lay down beside him, snuggling into her downy sleeping bag and drawing up his jacket around her chin. Her eyes smiled into his before glancing upward, eyeing the swarming, sieging mosquitos and then her expression turned to disgusted dread.

"Oh my god," she said, "That's terrifying!"

Inuyasha glanced upward, at the fine mesh material of the tent and saw what had caught her attention.

There were at least five mosquitoes on every square inch of fabric. The little persistent pests thrust their little probing noses through the fine holes in an attempt to reach them through the netting and their high pitched buzzing was loud in the stillness of the night. Kagome gulped, leaning away from the edges and Inuyasha chuckled at her wide eyed apprehension.

"Welcome to Alaska," he said dryly.

"Holy crap," she whispered. Carefully sitting up so that not an arm or leg brushed the sides of the tent, she ruffled through her stuff sack, searching for the bug spray.

"That shit's not gonna change anything," Inuyasha told her, unconsciously putting a hand over hers to shove the pungent smelling liquid back into the bag.

"What if I roll over against the sides?" She asked, "I'm gonna have bites over everything!"

Inuyasha rolled his eyes and lay back down. "You'll be fine," he said, "Go to sleep."

Kagome whined to herself softly before burrowing deep inside her sleeping bag so that the only thing he could see was her hair. He shook his head in amusement as he laid down again and as he got comfortable, felt her body beside him inch closer.

"Oi," he complained, "Stay on your side of the tent!"

"I don't wanna get bites!" She retorted, curling up against his side. It was warm where she pressed against him and there was a part of him that wanted to wrap around her protectively and take comfort in their closeness.

"Too bad," he chose to say instead, checking her gently with his hip to nudge her back to her sleeping pad. Kagome whined in protest but settled down quickly after. And then the funny lump of down that was Kagome heaved a sigh before whispering to him.

"Goodnight, Inuyasha."

He smirked up at the ceiling, his eyes sparking playfully.

"Night, wench."

"Poop face."

…

"Why aren't you here? Why aren't you here with me?"

…

Inuyasha jerked awake, half rising from the sleeping pad while his brain gradually came to full awareness. With a soft groan, he let himself fall back against the down layers. Kagome beside him murmured softly in her sleep and for a tense several seconds, he held his breath, holding completely still until he was sure she continued to sleep. And then his thoughts turned toward darker things.

Kikyou.

They were both cut from the same, flawed cloth and it drew them together inevitably, two lost souls finding each other. There was solace in finding the same damaged scars inside of someone else and he fell into it without a care or awareness of its consequences. He was tired, weary from building and maintaining his walls against a world that felt so incompatibly different from his personal experience and with her, he could set aside that self imposed burden and withdraw into a shared, private, secluded place with her. They would spend afternoons, days, entire weekends in silence, quietly savoring a dark, comforting peace they created with each other's company. It was an addictive depency he surrendered to willingly.

Love.

Was it love? He was sure it was. A love that soothed and pacified, a cool relief when the outside world overwhelmed him in much the same way he might numb an injury with ice.

But it was also a taxing love, draining, and demanding. Kikyou was jealous in her love, unappeasable and unwilling to share. He hadn't even been aware of her vines slowly wrapping around his life until he blinked and glanced around, finding himself isolated both mentally and geographically from every supportive connection he'd been on the verge of creating in college. That was why her sudden absence was so devastating to him.

Even with the advantage of distance both physical and chronological, he struggled to see what had been so burdensome about their love that drove Kikyou to flee so dramatically. Had he not supported her in every way that he could? Had he not loved her with everything that he had? Or were those the very things that drove her away?

The rain tapped a steady and gentle rhythm against the ceiling of their fabric shelter and Kagome's breathing beside him, deep and even and alive, slowly drew him out of his nighttime musings. Their love had been at stasis, heavy and stagnant without permitting any growth. They both retreated into each other as though to create their own neverland. It had been a prison.

Inuyasha breathed in deeply, his diaphragm pulling a long draught of air into his veins. Gradually, a stray thought that fluttered into his consciousness like a butterfly, it came to his realization exactly what he'd been searching for.

Growth.

He'd exceeded the confines of the cage they'd built around themselves and a deeply buried need inside him was demanding space to breathe and expand. Kikyou had sensed it, known it was there and she could not bear it. And now he realized just why he hadn't followed after her. He couldn't. At his innermost core there was a spirit desperately searching for sunlight.

Guilt might have driven him to the farthest reaches of civilization to escape the eyes of friends and family. But he was searching as well. Somewhere in the densely forested mountain sides, lungs and muscles burning as he struggled to survive in the harsh beautiful landscapes, he'd been searching for new life, some kind of purpose or drive, an inspiration to push him forward. And then the realization arrived that he'd sought freedom from his cage in the worst possible way. Because the life and freedom his heart wanted was something that could only be found by facing another person. Not by tucking his tail and fleeing, but by turning around and facing the light.

Inuyasha shifted, rolling to his side and glancing over to Kagome. His eyes traced her cheeks down to her chin, then over her lips, following her nose up to her eyes. Her lashes were dark and rested lightly against her skin and her brow was smooth and lax with sleep. Even in sleep, there was vivaciousness that seemed uniquely hers, alive and spirited, with the look of someone eagerly waiting for tomorrow. He wondered what she was dreaming about. To what bright, sunny place did her subconscious take her? And then, as though his gaze had been a physical touch that roused her, her brown eyes twitched, then opened slowly and the two of them silently gazed at each other, each searching for the same thing though they both had yet to give voice to that desire.

"Do you…," his voice felt disembodied and strangely disconnected as he spoke, "Do you still want to make it your business?"