The Call
~ Kitty
Chapter 15: Near the heart
…
"When one tugs at a single thing in nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world."
― John Muir
Landing in a bush plane was always rough and bumpy. Kagome woke with a start when the rubber tires reunited with the earth, their flying metal crate swerving hard before coming to a stop. Even more startling for Kagome than the choppy landing, she felt the arm around her shoulders squeeze in comfortingly, the press of a cheek against her forehead, and a low, amused voice whispered gently above her.
"You're OK," he said, "I've got you."
She blinked rapidly as she regained her bearings, an unconscious hand coming up to grip his shirt. Slowly, she sat up, the veil of sleep lifting off further and a jaw cracking yawn erupted over her face.
Inuyasha chuckled quietly to himself as he watched her come fully awake. In front of them, Miroku was already on his phone, contacting the hotel to send a shuttle. Sango turned around, her eyes sparkling as she smiled.
"Rise and shine!" She said, "We're back!"
There was a cofuffle at the back of the plane as helping hands unlatched doors and started tugging out the freight sent to Fairbanks. Loud clanging as metal doors were swung open and the sunlight was harsh as it bounced inside, reflected off the pale pavement they'd landed on. Beside her, she felt Inuyasha sigh, his face, when she glanced up, was solemn, somehow sad. Raising a rigid finger, she gave him a light jab into the meat of his shoulder, causing him to look down at her in surprise. Kagome felt a relief when the corners of his eyes crinkled.
"Cheeky wench," he whispered to her.
As they disembarked from the plane, the sights and noises from the airfield swept up around them, feeling unreal and barren. The trees were distant on the horizon and the land was flat and dry, hazy with gas and dust, and wobbled in the light as the sun baked the pavement. Such a departure from the deep hues of the forest lined river. Sticky and grimy from their two week long trek, the four returning travelers wearily hoisted packs and rolled up rafts, lugging them through the terminal building and back out the other side. It was several minutes before the shuttle would arrive and they slumped against their bags, a heady relief washing over the three city-slickers now that the journey had ended. Kagome tilted her face toward the sun a smile on her lips. She inhaled deeply and scrunched her nose, smelling gasoline and dust. Deep down inside, a part of her grieved, missing the scent of spruce and pine, snow melt water and lush green grass, moist and gritty earth, and the lingering scent of all the living, breathing creatures that shared the forest wilderness. The absence of life was what struck her most profoundly now that they'd returned.
Miroku and Sango, far more familiar with coming and going from backcountry excursions, adjusted quickly, flipping on phones and checking messages. Kagome opened her eyes when she heard Sango groaned, seeing her friend rubbing her temples as she scanned the little screen.
"So many emails…," Sango complained. Kagome winced, then smiled to herself, deciding she would much rather keep her electronics off for just a little while longer.
Eventually, a familiar white shuttle bus turned into the parking lot and Inuyasha and Miroku helped load the dusty, dirt caked gear into the back. The driver wrinkled her nose as she slammed the doors shut and Kagome realized they'd been marinating in river water for nearly a full week. She had to smile to herself as she wondered just how badly they smelled to the rest of civilized company.
When they arrived at the hotel lobby, Sango turned to Kagome while Miroku checked them all in.
"Play you for who gets to shower first before hitting the hot tub!" She said, holding up her hands in a gesture that could only mean 'rock, paper, scissors'.
'You can use mine.'
Inuyasha felt the thought pressing impulsively against his lips before it was even fully formed and he bit back the urge just as Miroku turned around and spoke his suggestion aloud.
"Why doesn't Kagome use Inuyasha's bathroom? That way you both get to shower immediately."
There was a brief pause while Inuyasha and Kagome both blinked rapidly at Miroku.
"Eh?!" Inuyasha exclaimed, whatever thoughts he had creating a splash of red across his cheeks.
Kagome found herself opening and closing her mouth like a gasping fish, both gleefully eager to accept the proposal yet striving desperately to maintain some consideration for the mountain hermit that had just delivered them back to civilization.
"I-it's ok," Kagome stammered, "You've already been sharing the tent with me. You probably want some time by yourself now…"
"You can use it," Inuyasha grumbled softly, "I… I have some gear to fix anyway."
Sango meanwhile sent Miroku a pointed stare, an eyebrow raised while he tried his best to maintain a wholly innocent demeanor. In his mind, this was clearly the win-win option, privacy for him and Sango, privacy for Inuyasha and Kagome. They would thank him later, he was sure. Eventually, the hotel receptionist pulled out the luggage they'd checked in a couple weeks ago and the four of them hauled themselves to their rooms. Grabbing just her necessities, Kagome nervously followed behind Inuyasha, watching the mussed, dirty braid swing back and forth as he stomped to his room.
"Thanks so much for letting me use your shower, Inuyasha," Kagome said, feeling shy suddenly, "I really appreciate it."
Grunt.
"You can shower first if you want?"
Grunt.
Kagome heaved an exasperated sigh, puckering her lower lip into a pout. "Last chance to take back the offer," she said.
Inuyasha paused, turning to her as he reached his room and opened the door for her.
"It's fine," he said, "It's faster this way."
The door clicked as it read his room key card and with an abrupt grunt and a jerk, the door swung open.
The atmosphere around them was night and day different from when they started. What was once testy and awkward, was now familiarity. There was a solemnity, a recognition that their time together will be short lived and transient, but also something electric as they both internally debated how wise it might be to act on the chemistry their senses told them existed. In that awkward teeter-totter dilemma, Kagome found herself turned coward, retreating to the bathroom and struggling even to undress with the knowledge that a mere flimsy wooden door now separated them.
Inuyasha, for his part, was once again feeling the city, small and remote though it was, press in on him and sighed as he collapsed onto the couch beside the bed. It was a simple expedition from drop off to extraction and though little had changed, he found his perspective had altered as he contemplated the journey. The solitary wilderness had always been a balm on his beleaguered heart in the wake of Kikyou's death, but suddenly the call of the mountain no longer eased him the way it had these past seven years. He was uncomfortable in this urban environment but neither did he want to retreat back into the trees. There was a part of him that had grown, like the alpine flora that made the most of the short arctic summer, growing and flowering and suddenly, cautiously, asked for more than the boreal forest could offer.
The sounds of activity in the bathroom, clattering and shuffling, reached him through the door. And oddly, he found himself neutral as he listened. Running water, often a trigger to reignite the trauma of his past, registered absently in his mind and instead, his consciousness found itself drifting to the girl within. And when the water was finally shut off, he could only stare wide eyed at the figure that emerged.
He had seen her in states of undress once or twice in the last two weeks, sure. But there was something vastly different between frantic changing to fend off hypothermia and sporting a bikini specifically tailored to accentuate her assets.
Kagome bashfully kept her arms close to her body as she towel dried her hair. The ride downriver had done a number on her and her legs were littered with angry red scratches and painful purple bruises. The two week exertion of heavy exercise had further slimmed her silhouette and drew out definition in her arms and abdomen. She was too skinny, with shadows around her ribs and hip bones. But all these details washed right over him and the vision his eyes remembered was nothing short of fantasy.
"Um, shower's all yours," she said, voice smiling, cheeks flushed, "I'll… head back to Sango's room."
His eyes followed the movement of the towel as she wrapped it around her waist and he completely missed her teasing giggled as she moved to head out the door. It took him several long moments to regather his scattered wits and finally rise to wash the grime and dirt off before hastily rushing down to join everyone at the hotel pool.
…
"Oh ho ho ho, yesssss!" Kagome groaned as she carefully stepped into the hot, steaming water. Two damn weeks of icy glacier fed waters had caused her to forget how positively divine water could be. She could feel every separate tissue and muscle fiber rejoice as she slowly sat herself down, the water swallowing her up to her neck and very nearly lulling her to sleep right then and there.
Sango laughed at her, the expression of pure bliss unmistakeable on her friends face. "That good huh?" She teased, dipping her toes in to test the waters.
She immediately sported the same expression as she, too, eased herself in.
"Ahhh, I'm in heaven!" Sango sighed. Kagome didn't even bother to open her closed eyes, humming her agreement. The heat slowly penetrated into her sore, stiff bones and she began to carefully test her joints, rotating her ankles and arms to rediscover their range of motion. Locating a water jet, she sighed as she pressed the muscles in her back against the massaging force.
Miroku made his splashing entry shortly after. "Ah, the joys of modern life!"
"Ya'll look like dumplings in a soup," Inuyasha's voice said abruptly. Kagome's eyes snapped open and she gaped up at him stupidly as he stood by the hot tub. Without effort or strain, each muscle in his abdomen was clearly defined and shifted subtly beneath his skin as he breathed. Tone and bulk was balanced more perfectly than any human deserved and he moved toward her with the ease and grace of a mountain cat. It wasn't until he grimaced while stepping into the hot water that Kagome was able to blink and thoughts resumed in her head once more. Under the cover of the bubbly, swirling waters, Kagome kicked at Sango to end the smirk that was painted clearly across her friend's face.
"How the hell can you guys handle this heat?" Inuyasha complained, struggling to even descend knee deep into the pool. Kagome felt herself flushing as she desperately bounced her eyes around the pool area, anywhere else but his abs and chest. She felt faint, perhaps a bit over heated? Sitting up to emerge slightly from the hot water, she sighed, shivering as the cooler air danced along her newly exposed skin.
"So, where do you wanna get dinner?" Sango asked, turning to look up at Kagome, "Barbeque? Seafood?"
"You don't want seafood here," Inuyasha said, drawing their attention. Kagome's eyes went wide. He had an arm crossed over his chest in mid stretch, muscles bulging as he held the position. The heat of the tub had produced a sheen of sweat over his skin that glistened as he moved and then Kagome snapped her mouth closed and forced her eyes to the ceiling.
"Why don't we want seafood here?" she asked the pipes above them.
Inuyasha eyed her strangely, wondering what she was inspecting so intently in the ceiling but answered her anyway.
"The good stuff gets shipped out," he said, "Seafood's not usually good here."
Miroku considered this fact and shrugged.
"Barbeque it is then," he said, groaning as he stood. Sango sighed and rose and clearly, they were all preparing to leave. Kagome maintained eye contact with the ceiling and it wasn't until a chuckling Sango came over to physically guide her out of the pool area that Kagome was finally able to exit.
…
Dinner was quick, the greasy, saucy, meaty meal disappearing quickly into stomachs that hadn't seen non freeze dried meals in two weeks. They wandered the neighborhoods then, taking in the sights of Fairbanks for one last evening. Walking around town, beside smooth, modern buildings, wide, flat roads, and the bizarre grumbles of passing cars, was a surreal feeling when taken in contrast to the last two weeks. A week ago, Kagome existed in a constant state of wonder, her head rotating beyond its capabilities in an effort to fully experience the wild, mountain environment around her, risking her ankles and well being to the turbulent surprises of mother nature. Now as she walked over the rough, hard pavement of the sidewalk, she found a small part of her aching. Lines were too straight, whites were too clean. Scenes that had been ordinary and commonplace all her life suddenly felt wrong and alien. There was something lifeless about the world absent the decomposing leaves and rushing mineralized waters of the mountain forests. Dead things in the forest still breathed and pulsed with life. Dead things in the city were just dead. And that was something she felt unconsciously, a somatic awareness that needled her as she strolled.
The group eventually wandered into a local tap house, sinking into a comfortable couch in the back with a pint each. A tower of wooden blocks balanced precariously on the coffee table in front of them and Miroku set down his glass with a clank, nudging Inuyasha to initiate a game of jenga. When no amount of pestering could bring the solitary man into playing, Miroku gestured toward the girls.
"So, when are we coming back for Alaska round two?" Kagome asked, leaning forward to select a wooden block. Inuyasha couldn't help but to perk up his ears.
"Man, I don't know," Miroku admitted, turning to Sango, "This was sort of going to be our last big thing before marriage and family and all..."
Sango glanced at Inuyasha and Kagome from the corner of her eyes. "Yeah," she said, agreeing with her fiancé, "It'll probably be a few years for us at least. But don't let us hold you back, Kagome."
Kagome laughed. "Who would I go with besides you crazies? I don't think I'd be able to find anyone else who'd want to spend their vacation out there with me."
'I would,' the thought passed through his mind swiftly in reaction to her question.
Miroku was developing a knack for giving voice to Inuyasha's inner thoughts and spoke up quickly. "Inuyasha could go with you! He should go with you tomorrow too! You're still going to check out Denali right?"
"Yep! And the sled dogs," Kagome answered, "But, don't you also fly out tomorrow, Inuyasha?"
"Yeah," he said, hiding his disappointment behind a swig of his beer. Miroku, ever the creative solution finder, chirped up as he selected another wooden block from the tower.
"Just push it back," he said, "Those bush pilots are flexible."
"And where would I sleep tomorrow night, dumbass?" Inuyasha grumbled, although there was that small voice inside that hoped Miroku would also solve that hurdle for him as well.
"There's two beds in our room," Miroku answered immediately, "Use ours tomorrow."
He didn't want to, but then he wanted to. He didn't feel quite ready to return to his empty cabin and empty existence just yet, and forced himself to seriously consider the suggestion.
Kagome's eyes were bright and hopeful when she turned to him. "Better than a cramped tent right?" She asked, smiling, "And it would be good to have company…"
He gazed into her face for a second or two, knowing his answer but putting on a show of struggle before relenting in a forced grumble. "I'll see if I can change my flight."
"That would be awesome!" Kagome enthused, beaming, "Two hours is a long way to drive on my own!"
Miroku sat back, satisfied he'd done all he could to set the two up for tomorrow, he turned his thoughts toward tonight.
"Next round's on me?" He said, standing with an empty beer glass. Sango, however, swiftly put an end to his plans.
"Oh no you don't," she said, rising also, "You need to get back to the hotel and pack. Our flight's early tomorrow."
"Oh yikes!" Kagome exclaimed, glancing at her watch, "It's that late already?"
Outside the sun still shone and it really didn't feel like the dead of night. Kagome laughed at herself as she rose. "It's going to be so weird getting back on a normal clock."
"Oh," Sango said, gesturing for Kagome and Inuyasha to stay seated, "Don't cut your night short for us. You guys should plan out tomorrow anyway."
Miroku protested as he was dragged out.
"Oh come on, Sango!" he whispered, "Didn't we want to get them drunk?"
"You got him drunk yesterday," she said, "Anyways, you wanted them to get together, so let them get together."
Miroku pouted but sighed as he allowed himself to be pushed along. "I wanted to see it happen though!"
Sango rolled her eyes. "If they hook up, did you want to be in the room with a bag of popcorn?"
"Yeck!" Miroku said, conceding, "I just wanted to help them along."
"You just don't want to pack," she said, "Now come on, you wanted alone time without them anyways, right?"
Now, Miroku's dark eyes perked up. Suddenly much more eager to return to the hotel, he snaked an arm around his fiance's waist to propel her forward
"Why didn't you lead with that?" he asked, "Onward! My love! To our chambers!"
Sango covered her face as several other parties along the street turned to stare. But she sighed, shaking her head and leaned in close. A bolt lock, sturdy, somewhat more soundproof, walls, and a real mattress awaited them. To their chambers they went.
…
Back inside, the remaining pair sat awkwardly in the wake of Miroku and Sango's departure. Inuyasha shifted in his seat before reaching into a pocket to find a cracked, abused old phone.
"Guess I'll change my flight," he muttered, standing to move further toward the back of the bar, where it was marginally quieter.
She watched him go, her mind painting the image of his bare skin over his clothing. As he paced and swayed she recalled the shift and ripple of muscles illuminated by the sparkly of sunlight against the dancing waters of the river, his sturdy frame standing solid despite the rush of water, against a backdrop of grey carved stone and she secretly filed away the mental image for future enjoyment. Sighing, she sank back into the couch. There was a promise in the thought of tomorrow that was exciting and tantalizing.
Inuyasha was tense and fidgety when he came back. The press of strangers' bodies so close by, the sounds of laughter and conversation. His tolerance of crowds was quickly reaching its threshold and he struggled to focus on the girl beside him as she spoke.
"I heard we can handle the puppies when we get there?"
He grunted, then glanced her way as a silence stretched out. She was staring at him critically, and he immediately felt defensive toward the critical look she gave him.
"What?" he asked testily.
"Are you alright?"
Grunt.
"You seem a little out of it."
Grunt.
"We can go back if you're tired?"
"I'm not tired."
"I'm sorry if you feel pressured to keep me company," she said suddenly, "I don't want to make you feel like you have to if you'd rather not."
Inuyasha was startled by the statement. "Wait, what? I don't," he said quickly, "I mean, I don't feel pressured."
'Then again, maybe tomorrow will be more challenging than I thought,' Kagome thought.
Inuyasha huffed a sigh, picking up his glass and downing its contents in a single, long swig.
"It's just hard to breathe in here."
Kagome's eyebrows shot up. She turned her head around to consider the atmosphere of the room. It was comfortable, in her opinion, a constant thrum of chatter and clinking glasses.
"... Do you want to go back?"
And now he faced his dilemma. Yes, he wanted to get out of there. There were too many people far too close. But no, going back to the hotel meant saying goodnight. Kagome watched his expressions while he grappled within himself. Eventually, she sighed.
"Let's go outside then," she offered, "We can walk by the river."
It was only by returning outdoors and feeling how distant the mountains had become when Kagome was able to get a sense of what Inuyasha meant by having difficulty breathing. When they got to the river, the flash of living green growing along the river's edge hit her like the strike of a gong echoing into an empty cavern. They wandered to a small foot bridge of the brown, murky waters and Kagome inhaled deep into her lungs before releasing a sigh, leaning heavily against the railings.
"Ok," she said, "I get you were saying. The air's different here."
Grunt.
Kagome rolled her eyes.
"Were you always the silent, moody type or did the mountains turn you into one."
Grunt.
"Duuuuuuuude!"
Groaned and dropped her head to hang between her shoulders. Inuyasha glanced at her and huffed a short laugh.
"I never liked people," he said finally. His eyes returned to the water, dark and swirling.
"In general? Or just certain people?"
"At first just certain people," he said, "Then I found out people general were shit."
"In general doesn't mean all," Kagome chided him.
She heard him sigh, listened to the way air flowed cleanly into his lungs, then the long exhale out.
"I know," he said, voice resigned and acquiescing.
"And you clearly like some people," she said leadingly, "Sango, Miroku..."
He gave her a derisive snort in response and she giggled. Then her expression turned somber.
"And Kikyou…"
Inuyasha frowned into the water, a part of him growing suspicious of what she was trying to get at. Without looking at him, she gauged his reaction, wanting to broach the subject but knowing to do so carefully. They stayed quiet for several minutes longer, staring at the water. It was a meditation, and Kagome's thoughts bounced around haphazardly, though roughly centered around the man beside her. The pain that had pushed him out here, and his reluctance to return. Finally, she decided to press forward and turned to face him.
"Have…," she started softly, "Have you been able to heal, out here? From what happened with Kikyou?"
He gazed down at her seriously, observing the earnestness in her face. Those wide eyes seemed to command his honesty and he was responding before he really thought about the words leaving his mouth.
"I've been able to forget," he said.
He felt the pain he saw in her eyes at his admission, and sympathy. But it was the truth and she accepted it. She blinked and sighed and allowed her body to lean against his. Their shoulders pressed together and it was a silent comfort that helped ease the harshness of the sterile world around them. The silence was filled with the soft tumble of little waves under the bridge and when she closed her eyes, she could almost take herself back to the long, remote gravel bars alongside the bright, mischievous Iniakuk. And then her eyes fluttered open and remember her present.
"What about now?" She asked eventually, "Can you face it now? Can you forgive her? Can you forgive yourself?"
"I forgave her a long time ago."
"Have you forgiven yourself?"
He was silent, dark brows drawn together, jaw clenched tightly.
"It still hurts," he finally admitted.
Her hand moved on its own, reaching up shyly behind his back. Her palm pressed against him and rubbed gentle, swirling motions between his shoulder blades. After a minute or two, he straightened to stand away from her, his eyes skyward.
"You're really making it hard for me to go back," he said softly, "Never really noticed how lonely that cabin is."
He looked at her then, a searching look, his eyes shifting around as they took in her face. She looked up at him with wide eyes, her expression open, earnest, and bright. And hopeful. Inuyasha bit his lip.
"I can't believe I thought you looked like her," he said, almost a sigh.
Kagome frowned at this.
"When I look at you now, I almost can't remember what she looked like."
"Can… Can I take that as a good thing?"
"I think so, I can't mourn her forever, and if I'm not joining her, then I better start thinking about what to do with the rest of my life."
"Hmm," Kagome said, puckering her lip and deciding it was time to lighten the mood, "You can start by giving me your number. I'll call you tomorrow morning after I get the rental car."
Inuyasha huffed a little scoff, but pulled out his phone. While really, nothing had changed between them, he felt himself breathe easier. Below them, the river continued on, tamed on both sides by paved embankments, traversed by bridges, but still teaming with life and energy and it giggled with the same bubbly voice as in the mountains. The fish still swam, and birds patrolled its shallows. Reeds and water plants rooted into its silty bottom, native flowers grew on display from carefully tended planters, and the sun smiled down on them. The pulse of life was subdued here, in the heart of the city, reeled in and curbed by modern taste, but it was there, as vibrant and colorful as ever. And as long as you listen for it, it will be calling to you.
A/N: So, wanna finish off with a quick apology. The whole raison d'etre for this fic was to sort of commemorate a trip i'd taken last year in Alaska. Because of that, there was a lot of contrived, "gotta make the characters do this, then this, then this", in order to keep them on track with my trip. I also specifically made an effort to focus more on what they were experiencing rather than consider their growth as characters. It was brought up in a recent review that this fic is really missing some basic storytelling elements (build up, tension, arcs, etc). Just wanted to say that I COMPLETELY AGREE and thanks so much for providing the honest, constructive feedback! I really appreciate that you took the time and effort to explain your criticism. Unfortunately, life's a bit busy right now and I dont think i have the time to rework this fic to incorporate more plot so for now I'm gonna just work on finishing it first, then maybe revisit this when i have more time.
Also, a particular challenge with this fic has been the fact that i wanted Inuyasha to be human, more realistic, and older. Most people I know who are really outdoorsy seem to have a strong handle on their emotions, maybe cause it can actually be dangerous to have a loose temper in the wilderness. So I kept finding that there was just no way I could write inuyasha to be his usual brash self as a mountain dude in his late twenties/early thirties… Just couldn't imagine it… and i kept feeling like if i did try to stay closer to the original series, it would make him seem immature and very much a man child… so i made him broody instead… and can't decide how much i like it…
Phew, anyways, only the last chapter to go! And just a heads up, they don't end up together at the end of this :P (sorry! Maybe in a sequel or something!)