Author's Note- Let me be honest for a minute… after the last update, I really thought that people were going to hate me for doing that to Derek. It's not like he died, though, and as time goes on, like I said, that turn of events will make more sense for this story. Thank you so much for all of the continued support for this story. It really means so much to me and I have truly enjoyed writing it so far. But it's not even close to being over… now it's time to get the surgeons back to Seattle!
At the present moment, the least logical nickname to bestow upon Derek was McDreamy. His previously shiny, perfect hair was a wild mess, his face was scarred with cuts and bruises, and most noticeably, Derek was unconscious. But to Meredith, none of that mattered. Derek was alive and breathing steadily as the anesthesia worked its way out of his system.
According to Webber, the problem had stemmed from Derek's high risk of stroke. Last night, when his blood pressure would not slow down, Dr. Olson had given the order to place Derek on blood thinners, figuring that the risk of bleeding out was less than that of stroke.
Clearly, that was not entirely the case and Dr. Olson's choice had nearly caused Derek to lose his life. His surgery had been long, complicated, and Webber had almost lost Derek several times.
Meredith smiled to herself as she stroked the side of Derek's face, gently. There was still no guarantee that he would survive; post-surgical complications happened all the time but he was better and the risk of him stroking-out was now significantly lower. The main concern was keeping his vitals stable and infection under control.
Due to a variety of reasons, the crew from Seattle Grace had announced that they would soon be transferring all of the surgeons back to Seattle. Once Derek stabilized, he would be able to survive a short plane ride, and all of Lexie's machines were portable. Arizona needed to get to a better orthopedic department for her femur infection and it was stupid to stick around Boise forever when one of the best hospitals in the country was waiting for them nearby.
In her heart, Meredith was thankful and excited. She had been away from home for far too long. She was anxious to see Zola again, and to be in a hospital that felt safe, familiar, and reliable.
No matter how much she convinced herself otherwise though, Meredith was terrified of going back, too, because that would involve getting on an aircraft. She had refused, over and over again when Owen had informed her of the plan but there was no other option because of Arizona, Lexie, and Derek. All of the plane crash survivors were going to be sedated the whole time that they were in the air but that did not mean anything as far as the odds went… lately, Meredith's odds had not been playing out in her favor. What if she woke-up back in the woods? What if she never woke-up at all?
Then at least I don't have to watch my husband and my sister die, Meredith figured.
All of a sudden, there was a soft knock on the door from behind. Meredith had been waiting for a response from Derek for so long that she initially flinched and then turned around to see Webber, back and changed out of his bloody scrubs. "Any change?"
"Nothing yet," Meredith said. "How long has it been since anesthesia was administered?"
"Over two hours but I wouldn't worry too much. You know as well as I do that sometimes it can take longer when we're dealing with the lungs or the liver and with Derek, we dealt with both," Webber sighed.
Meredith nodded. "Everything went okay though? There were no major complications?"
"There was a lot of bleeding. It looks like Derek was bleeding internally for a while before he started vomiting. We kept the blood going in, too, though and he never flatlined," Webber explained.
"Okay, well then… he should be awake soon," Meredith said, reassuring herself as much as she was Webber.
Webber, who smiled and nodded as well, weakly. "Are you sure you don't want to come back to your room for a little while and rest? You look exhausted."
"I'm sure," Meredith said so Webber backed out of Derek's room, probably off to visit one of the other survivors.
He was right though. Meredith was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. She was more tired than she had been out in the woods (or at least it felt that way now) and she wanted to close her eyes and never open them again. She just wanted to disappear.
It was not like she was actively suicidal. She knew that she would not actually try to take her own life, not after how hard she had fought to keep herself and everyone else alive. But Meredith had no energy left. Every molecule in her body was focused on her anxiety about the plane ride home tomorrow.
There was a time in Meredith's life when she had been suicidal. It was right before her mother died, early in 2009. One morning, Meredith had almost drowned herself in the bathtub and later that day, she stopped fighting… she did not try to remain alive after falling into Elliott Bay.
It was only because of Derek that Meredith lived through that incident. And when Meredith had woken-up afterwards, it was Derek that had lied in her hospital bed next to her, keeping her warm and holding her hand.
Slowly, Meredith crawled up onto Derek's bed, exceedingly careful to maneuver around his incision sites. Meredith curled onto her side and rested her head on Derek's good shoulder; she grasped his healthy hand in her own.
This is how I want to stay, forever, Meredith thought to herself and she kissed her husband, gently on the cheek…
"Dr. Grey?"
Meredith's eyes flew open. The last thing she remembered, she had been lying next to Derek, waiting for him to wake-up and feeling extremely tired herself. It looked like she had not changed positions; Derek was still resting quietly next to her but there was a new doctor standing next to the bed, one that Meredith had never seen before.
"W-What happened?" Meredith yawned.
"You fell asleep. And I'm sorry but it really is time that you get back to your own room now. Your husband needs his sleep," the doctor said.
It was weird; Meredith had never meant to stay here this long, not when Derek must have become conscious hours ago. But if that was the case, then why had he not woken-up his wife that was sleeping next to him?
Meredith glanced up at the new woman. "I was waiting… for… for him to wake-up; he had surgery… earlier. Who are you… anyway?"
"My name is Dr. Cynthia Sheehan; I'm Chief of Surgery at Boise Memorial. Since you're due to be transported back home tomorrow, I wanted to stop by and visit everyone personally… see if you had any questions or concerns."
"Did Derek wake-up?" Meredith asked.
"Briefly, but his blood pressure quickly shot up;, probably due to pain so Dr. Webber just gave the order for sedation again," Dr. Sheehan said. "Do you have any questions or concerns regarding your transfer tomorrow?"
Once more, Meredith looked down at Derek who was breathing steadily, a nasal tube providing him with oxygen and then back up at Sheehan. "Yeah, actually… I have a lot of concerns. I don't want to be flown back to Seattle. I'm relatively healthy… can't I go back on the bus?"
"Unfortunately, that is not possible, Dr. Grey. You are not being discharged from the hospital; you are simply being transferred and we need to move you to Seattle Grace just as we would if you were in critical condition. Don't worry; you and the other survivors will be sedated the entire flight," Sheehan explained.
"Okay, well then… then, can I stay here with… with Derek a little… longer? Can I see my sister, Lexie? Or my friend, Cristina?" Meredith begged.
Sheehan shook her head. "No, Dr. Grey. You have been out of bed and roaming the halls for far too long; you are still an ICU patient. Trust me, you will get to see all of your friends and family members tomorrow. Right now, we need to get you back to your room for dinner. It's important for us to see if you can keep a full meal down."
"I'm not feeling nauseous," Meredith said but it did not appear that she had a choice. Sheehan helped her back into a wheelchair and pushed her away from Derek, into the hallway, and back into her own ICU room, 512.
Thatcher was waiting for his eldest daughter and he smiled brightly at Meredith as she crawled into bed. "Hey, sweetie. So… so it looks like Derek's going to be okay, then? I'm… I'm so glad."
"I don't know… I never really got to… to see him awake and… his blood pressure keeps running really high," Meredith said.
"Yeah, well… well, it looks like he made it through the worst," Thatcher said and kept grinning awkwardly. "I was so worried, so worried for both of you… but it looks like everyone is doing better. It looks like we're all going home tomorrow."
Meredith nodded. "Are you flying back, too… like, on the plane? Or are you going on a bus?"
"They decided to put us all on a plane so that we could arrive at the same time you did. I'm not too thrilled about it myself but I figured that if you could manage, I could," Thatcher sighed.
"We're gonna be… sedated, thankfully," Meredith said. "Is Lexie doing any better?"
"She's the same, I guess," Thatcher replied and shrugged. "I mean, she's in her medically-induced coma or whatever it's called. They're going to look at waking her up once we're back home. Molly's going to be there, waiting for us."
Molly was Meredith's youngest sister, born two years after Lexie. It was going to be strange because while Meredith had met her, Molly had not known about Meredith at the time. They had never spoken to each other as sisters. Meredith wondered if she was supposed to care about Molly the same way she did about Lexie. If she was, then it was going to take time… a lot of time.
"I don't know Molly," Meredith admitted. "I really don't know anything… about her other than… than the fact that… she has a history of DBT and… and had a baby… um… a few years ago."
"You'll like her," Thatcher said. "Molly's really nice. She'll probably want to see Lexie first, and I mean… that's understandable; they grew-up together but she'll want to meet you, too. She's a good kid, Meredith and you'll like Laura, too… your niece."
It was difficult for Meredith to think of Laura as her niece. Yes, they had met; actually, Meredith had been in the operating room when Laura was born but they had never bonded. There was a good chance that Molly still thought of Meredith as the doctor who had killed her mother, Susan.
"Okay, well… thanks for the update. You can go back to… to Lexie now if you want," Meredith said and leaned back against her pillows.
"Well, I think we can hold off on that a little longer. Lexie's asleep, after all, and you're awake," Thatcher smiled. "Dr. Sheehan told me that you were supposed to order something for dinner and I have a menu here for you. Does anything in particular look good?"
He handed Meredith a piece of paper which was covered with different dietary options ranging from chicken tenders to pasta to breakfast items. Meredith was not very hungry, somehow, even though she had not eaten a real dinner in a week so she focused on the beverages. "Um… I'll take a chocolate milk. Can you just… go tell my nurse?"
"Oh, come on; you need to have more than a chocolate milk for dinner," Thatcher said.
"No, I really don't… I'm not that hungry."
"But Dr. Sheehan said that you needed to eat. Let's at least order something… you might decide that it looks good when it comes," Thatcher suggested and he looked at the menu himself. "How about a cheeseburger and fries? Or some chicken strips?"
Meredith shook her head. "If I'm gonna eat, I… I need to try and… be healthy."
"Okay… how about some pasta? You can get some fruit or something on the side. Don't worry about the carbs, Meredith; you need to gain weight…"
"That's too much; that's… that's too rich," Meredith argued.
And then her father did something that she never expected. He pointed out a third item on the menu, excitedly. "Here! Grilled vegetables on flatbread with hummus… you love hummus, Meredith and it's healthy! Let's order that."
"I… okay," Meredith agreed before she could help it but she was confused. How did Thatcher know that Meredith loved hummus? It was not like they had ever talked about favorite foods or about much of anything. Thatcher did not know Meredith.
But he apparently knew that his daughter loved hummus because he got on the hospital phone and called down to dietary. "Hi, this is Thatcher Grey, I'm Meredith Grey's father in room 512. I'd like to place an order for her for dinner… yes, we'd like the grilled veggies on flatbread with hummus and a chocolate milk…"
Soon enough, the meal arrived and true to Thatcher's word, the food did look better than Meredith had expected. She still could not finish all of it but the hummus was amazing and Thatcher ate the remaining food.
"You look like you're feeling better," Meredith commented. It was the first time she had seen Thatcher with dry eyes since the plane crash.
"Well, it just helps knowing that both of my girls are going to be alright," Thatcher confessed and took a long drink of ice water. "And we're going home tomorrow, we're gonna see Molly… then Lexie's gonna wake-up…"
"Yeah, you should go check on Lexie," Meredith interrupted because even though her father was being pleasant, she could not take much more of his chatter. "I'm really tired now… from eating and I'm gonna take a nap… go see Lexie and then… um… go visit Derek… if you can."
Luckily, Thatcher agreed. He leaned over and kissed Meredith one more time on the forehead and then practically skipped out of her ICU room, relieved and excited.
Meredith rolled over and stared out the windows. As of tomorrow, she was truly going to be home in Seattle… with Alex and Jackson and April. And then she was going to have to make decisions… what did she want to do next in life? Accept the fellowship at Brigham?
No, Meredith had already promised herself that she was not going anywhere until Derek and Lexie were well but at the moment, she did not think that she wanted to go anyway. Meredith did not want to pick-up and move across the country; she barely had the strength to talk with her friends and family. It was unrealistic and maybe even stupid but Meredith did not know if she wanted to be a surgeon at all, not after what she had done to Derek and Lexie…
Nothing was simple anymore. The plane crash had changed everything, turned everyone's world upside down. There was no guarantee that Derek was going to be able to operate again. There was no guarantee that Meredith would be able to insert a chest tube without suffering a panic attack. Lexie was likely going to live but she would have months of recovery ahead of her and for once in her life, Meredith wanted to be a good big sister.
Everything had been going so perfectly. The course for the future was laid out and for once, Meredith was going to have the advantage. She should have known that it was too good to be true, because the second she had started smiling and planning with her husband, the airplane they had been on dropped out of the sky.
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"When you open your eyes, you're going to be home. You're going to wake-up at Seattle Grace," Bailey said before administering the anesthesia. "Are you ready?"
Meredith was not ready; she was never going to be ready to get on an airplane again, but right now, it was not like she had an abundance of options. She nodded shortly at Bailey and watched as the oxygen mask descended over her face. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, Meredith thought that she might be praying that the plane broke down… that way, they could all be driven back to Seattle by bus. It did not matter how long they were on the road… days, weeks, months… Meredith refused to get on a plane…
And then, the next thing that she knew, her ears were filled with an oddly familiar sound, the sound of doctors, nurses, and techs running around in triage. Meredith groggily opened her eyes and realized that she was on a cot with sheets that were stamped: Seattle Grace Hospital.
Meredith was home.
The fuzziness of the drugs still hanging over her, she slowly lifted her head and for a moment, the world swayed. But there was a hand on her right shoulder, a firm, strong hand, there to catch her and Meredith looked over to see her father.
"Hey," Thatcher grinned, awkwardly. "We made it… back home, I mean. How are you feeling?"
"Um… we're… the p-plane?" Meredith gasped; she was not making any sense but Thatcher appeared to have understood.
"No, the plane didn't crash… not this time. You're home safe, in Seattle and yes, everyone else made it here alive, too. Dr. Bailey should be in soon with an update."
"Okay," Meredith said and she hoped that her acknowledgement was an excusal, yet Thatcher did not move. She had no idea why; she figured that her father would want to spend more of his time with Lexie but she was not going to start another fight.
Either way, true to his word, Bailey arrived in Meredith's triage room less than ten minutes later, looking as normal as ever in her navy blue scrubs and white lab coat. She was holding Meredith's chart which was now secured in the standard, grey binder that accompanied all patients at Seattle Grace Hospital.
"Alright, Grey… how are you feeling?" Bailey asked.
"Um… tired but… I guess I'm okay," Meredith yawned. "Are you moving me upstairs somewhere?"
"Well, that depends," Bailey said. "Is there anything you would like to discuss with me related to your psychiatric health? Any thoughts… wanting to harm yourself or anyone else?"
Meredith shook her head, slowly.
"Alright, well… unless there's been any drastic changes that you're keeping silent from me, honestly, I don't think I have too much left for you."
It took Meredith a minute to realize that the packet Bailey was handing her was a collection of discharge papers. "W-Wait, you're discharging me?"
Half of Meredith was horrified but another part of her was merely surprised. Just three days ago, she had been in the woods, close to death. Unless she was mistaken, none of the other surgeons from the plane crash would be getting released anytime soon. It was like Meredith had assumed this entire time that she would be in the hospital until everyone was either dead or well enough to go home.
But Bailey was shrugging and smiling sarcastically. "I don't see any other reason that I'd be handing you discharge papers. Your head's been closed up; your leg is healing nicely. There's nothing else to do for broken ribs and a concussion besides rest and you can do that at home. Can you think of a reason to stick around here?"
Yes, I can think of lots of reasons, Meredith thought. My husband is still here. My sister is still here. I was in a plane crash three days ago…
None of those reasons were medical though. Bailey was right. Medically, Meredith was healthy enough to go home; there was no reason for her to take up a bed in the hospital.
"You're better hydrated than most people working here. They'll be prescribing you antibiotics for your leg," Bailey continued when Meredith did not budge. "You're good to go, Grey. Go home and be with your baby girl. Come back if your abdomen, your spleen becomes distended at all; you know the drill."
"Wait," Meredith said and set down the pen Bailey had passed her. "I'm not signing yet… not until you tell me how everyone else is doing. Are they getting discharged soon?"
Thatcher and Bailey both glanced at one another like they had expected this but it did not stop the latter from answering: "Cristina is cleared medically but we cannot release her until we are sure she's not a threat to herself or anyone else. We'll be monitoring her in the ICU for a few more days and if there's no improvement, she'll be transferred to psych.
"Arizona… there's no end in sight for Arizona; she's gonna need more surgery and physical therapy on that leg before she has a chance to go anywhere and the same goes for Lexie. I'm not sure yet so don't quote me but I think there's a good chance she'll have to take a year off of residency and not resume being a doctor until 2014.
"Mark is stable but we're keeping him for another day or two because of his burns. He's going to have surgery in a couple hours, just to have a few skin grafts put in place and then he'll be home, probably hanging onto Julia or someone until that ankle fracture is fixed.
"Your husband is in critical condition following his abdominal surgery yesterday. He is still struggling with some high blood pressure and he will require at least another week of intensive medical care but don't worry. Unless something changes drastically, I see no reason why Derek Shepherd should not survive."
Meredith nodded. It could have been worse, especially when it came to Derek and Lexie. When they were in the forest, Meredith had doubted that Lexie would hang-on long enough to get rescued but she had made it through several surgeries with the help of a defibrillator. If all continued to go well, she was probably going to wake-up in a few days and then begin her recovery process.
The main concern was Derek. He had not been awake for more than a few seconds since he was vomiting blood. No one knew how much neurological function he had retained or if there were other forms of internal damage.
But there was nothing Meredith could do for Derek, not until she was released and free.
Picking up the pen again, Meredith began to sign her name on the discharge papers but then stopped again, abruptly. "Wait… where am I going now?"
Before the plane crash, Meredith and Derek had been planning to use their remaining time in Seattle to pack up all their belongings. They had been living in Meredith's childhood home, like always, but the dream house was completed and they had fantasized about spending a few nights there before selling it to Mark.
Now though… what was Meredith going to do? Where was she going to go without Derek? She was not ready to sleep in a house all by herself. That was too much and based on Meredith's lingering injuries, she was not sure if she would even be able to care for Zola and herself properly.
"Well, I thought… if you'd like, Meredith; you're more than welcome…"
"No, I'm not staying with you," Meredith interrupted her father.
"Just until you figure out your next move and get back on your feet… just until Derek gets discharged," Thatcher suggested.
Meredith shook her head. "No, I have to be somewhere that has… the proper set-up for Zola… you know, Zola, my adopted daughter?"
"I know who you're talking about but no, I don't actually know Zola. You've never introduced us," Thatcher said. "I… I'd love to meet her though… my… my granddaughter…"
Thatcher already had a grandchild- Laura, Molly's daughter. In the eight months that Meredith had officially been Zola's mother though, she had never bothered to contact her father about the new addition to the family and she had promised Lexie to be nicer to Thatcher. Still, agreeing to go live with him for a few days was pressing things.
When they had been staring at each other for almost a full minute, Meredith trying to decide how to let her father down gently, Bailey finally sighed and intervened. "Okay, how about this… Meredith, you go and stay at your house with Alex Karev who just so happens to be out in the lobby waiting for you right now. Before you leave, though, you can introduce your father to Zola because Alex has been with her for the last week and she's waiting on you, too."
"That sounds fair," Thatcher grinned so Meredith nodded in agreement.
First, she changed into an outfit that someone (probably Alex) had brought her from the house. It consisted of a pair of blue jeans, a lacy, black bra, some matching underwear, and a long-sleeved Dartmouth shirt. The sexy lingerie really did not match the rest of the comfort-based attire; it had definitely been Alex who chose these clothes.
Still, Meredith put on the outfit with the help of Bailey and was glad when the material covered a majority of her bruises, cuts, and scars from the crash. There were marks on her face that were visible, but Bailey covered them decently with some concealer, borrowed from April. After all, Meredith did not want to scare Zola.
She finished off her look with a pair of fuzzy, winter socks and two old, white running shoes… probably all that Alex could find.
"You look good, Grey," Bailey said when she had finished tying Meredith's sneakers, as the latter could not yet bend over. It was the first time Meredith had worn real clothes in over a week and it felt strange… like part of Meredith still belonged in the hospital but of course, she did… everyone she loved was here.
Well, everyone except for Alex who was apparenting waiting anxiously out in the lobby. Meredith took a shaky breath to prepare herself for the reunion which was sure to be emotional for a lot of different reasons and sat back down on her stretcher to wait.
"Any other questions, comments, concerns?" Bailey clarified one final time.
"I… I don't know," Meredith said. "What about… um… you said I was getting antibiotics but… am I getting anything for my ribs or… or anything for sleep?"
"Yes, I will keep you on hydrocodone for now; that should help with the physical pain and I can prescribe you a few doses of trazodone for sleep," Bailey said. "You will have to complete therapy before returning to work, though, so the trazodone will only be enough to hold you over until your first appointment with Dr. Wyatt; she'll be in charge of any other psychiatric medications."
"Okay," Meredith said. In order to be prescribed proper psychiatric medication, she would have to talk in depth about her emotions and Meredith was not ready to do that yet. She had gotten through the aftermath of the shooting without medications; she could tolerate a little anxiety and restlessness.
"Alright, then. I will go and pick-up your amoxicillin and trazodone from the pharmacy after I tell Alex you're ready."
Bailey had only walked out of triage possibly thirty seconds ago, however, when Alex himself burst through the curtains surrounding Meredith's bed, his face pale and eyes full of emotion.
"Mer," Alex whispered, visibly trying not to stare at Meredith's concealer which did not precisely match her complexion.
"Hi," Meredith whispered from where she was still sitting on the gurney, awkwardly. It was good to see Alex; Meredith had been unsure if she was ever going to lay eyes on him again but upon viewing his face, the first face from home, it was like her PTSD was sparked all over again. Meredith felt fragile and distant from everyone who had not been out there in the woods with them for four days.
Her body tense with anxiety, Meredith wondered, was she supposed to pretend or not?
It did not matter because Alex could tell that Meredith was in no way alright. He took a few steps closer to his friend and reached out to touch her but then drew back. "Um… is it… is it okay if I hug you?"
"I… yeah, it's okay," Meredith said and a second later, Alex had thrown his arms around her. But Meredith was still injured and she unintentionally winced when his grip became too hard.
Alex backed off, looking worried. "Dammit, sorry… um… are you okay?"
"I guess so, relatively speaking," Meredith said.
"Right, right… so… am I bringing you home?" Alex asked.
"Yeah, Bailey said I was cleared medically but Thatcher… I mean… I mean, my dad wanted to meet Zola first if that's okay."
"Why are you asking me?" Alex snorted. "You're her mother. I'm just the loser that's been telling her to stop crying for the last week."
Meredith smiled weakly. She was not sure what was going to happen when she saw Zola herself. Zola was a year and a half old now and definitely not a baby… would she be able to tell what her mother had been through? Meredith was determined to not show her emotions. She did not want to be traumatized and distant the way her own mother had always been.
Thankfully, there was not too much time to overthink things. Alex lead Meredith out of triage and up to the daycare where Zola came running when she saw her mom. Meredith put a huge smile on her face, a real one, and when she hugged her daughter, she wondered if all the trauma had just been a bad dream.
"I want to stop and see Derek before we leave," Meredith said once the trio was walking onto the infamous Seattle Grace elevators. "And… and Lexie and Cristina, too. I haven't gotten to see either of them since we were rescued."
"Yeah, definitely. I want to see them, too," Alex said and he put his arm around Meredith's shoulders in a protective, brotherly manner as they were lifted up to the ICU.
It was Derek's room that the trio came upon first but it was not until Meredith had pushed Zola into her father's hospital quarters that she remembered… Derek was still unconscious due to his high blood pressure.
"Daddy!" Zola cried loudly and lunged forward in her stroller. She could not talk a lot yet, being only 18 months but she knew her mother and father.
Only this time, Zola's father did not respond to her. He simply lied there with lots of tubes and wires connected to his body, moaning slightly. Zola was beginning to look afraid and she wailed again: "Daddy! DADDY!"
"I… I can't… I can't do this," Meredith found herself whispering, her eyes filling with tears and panic rising in her chest. "I can't… oh, God…"
Thankfully, Alex immediately jumped into action, grabbing Zola's stroller himself. "It's okay… it's okay, I've got you, Zo-Zo. Daddy's just taking a nap right now like you have to do sometimes."
He quickly pushed Zola outside into the hallway where he left her with Bailey, who had joined them in the ICU and then scampered back to Meredith and slipped an arm around her. "Hey… you're okay. It's okay. Zola's fine; she's out with Bailey. It's just us now."
"O-Okay," Meredith choked out and covered half of her face with her hand, trying to prevent herself from crying or throwing-up or maybe both. Every sob that her body uttered, though, sent waves of pain through her abdomen and so she used the other hand to clutch her stomach.
"Come on, let's sit down," Alex said and he gently lead Meredith over to a chair next to Derek's bed. Once she was sitting, Alex grabbed a spare stool, dragged it over next to both of them, and rested as well, rubbing Derek's good arm softly. "Hey, Shepherd. It's good to see you, man."
Derek opened his eyes slowly and looked back and forth from Meredith to Alex. "Yeah… Mer… hi…"
"Hi," Meredith repeated and forced another weak smile onto her face. "We're home now, um… in case you didn't know. You survived your surgery."
"That's… that's good. I… I love you," Derek whispered but then his eyes closed again and he faded back off into unconsciousness.
Meredith nodded in response; she really did not know what else to do and then she stood up, kissed Derek on the lips, and wandered back out into the hallway, striding past Bailey who was holding Zola with an expectant expression on her face. Meredith walked on, into Cristina's room with Alex right behind her.
Cristina was awake but it was like she was not there. Lying on her back with her eyes staring up at the ceiling, the woman on the bed seemed like only a shell of Dr. Cristina Yang with none of her brilliance or sarcastic personality inside.
"Damn," Alex murmured when he saw her and motioned for Meredith to go on without him.
Meredith did as she was told and watched as Alex crossed the hall, ducking into another ICU room that probably contained Arizona. That was going to be an awkward conversation. Arizona was never supposed to be on the flight to Boise at all; it was Alex that was scheduled to go and then she had taken his place after Alex opted for the fellowship at Hopkins.
But now was not the time to think about Alex or Arizona. Now was the time to visit Cristina who had still made no physical movements to suggest that she recognized her best friend.
"Cristina," Meredith said and sat down in a new chair next to the bed. She realized that Cristina was not in restraints anymore so that had to be a good sign. "Hey, Cristina… it's me."
There was no reply. Meredith looked up, hoping that Alex would give her some kind of advice, but then remembered that Alex had gone to see Arizona. In his place, were Jackson and April, both anxious and excited to see Meredith out of bed.
She beckoned to her two friends, allowing them to enter Cristina's hospital room. Jackson looked like he was working; he bent down at the foot of Cristina's bed to examine her toes.
"I wasn't aware that she needed plastic surgery," Meredith said although it was doubtful that Cristina's case was actually going to require an operation.
"She's got frostbite from the woods and Boise asked me to follow up on what they had done," Jackson explained. "But it looks like it's progressing pretty well. How are you?"
Meredith shrugged; she was already tired of people asking her that question. "I mean… I'm medically cleared so… I guess that's good."
"Do you think you're still gonna move to Boston?" April asked. "There's been rumors going around and stuff… people saying that you declined the fellowship."
"I haven't decided anything yet. It's probably gonna depend on how Derek heals and everything," Meredith said but that was a lie. She could not imagine herself moving across the country, especially now that they were home in Seattle. It was not even an option as far as she was concerned and it was because of Meredith's fellowship that Derek was considering the move in the first place… Owen Hunt would still want them both; Meredith was sure of it.
"Well, I'm so glad you're all okay. I've been praying for you guys constantly," April sighed.
"Thank you, April," Meredith said but it was a weird comment… you're all okay. April was a doctor and she had to know better. They were sitting right in front of Cristina who was clearly not okay… Derek was unconscious and tachycardic; he was not okay. Mark, Arizona, and Lexie were all recovering from surgeries… Lexie might not recover at all… how were any of them okay?!
Meredith barely kept herself from shouting at April. Instead, she turned back to Cristina who had not moved an inch this entire time. "Cristina, you know we're back home in Seattle, right? We're not in the plane crash anymore and everyone's alive. Lexie's alive and Derek's alive."
There was still no response so Meredith just squeezed her best friend's hand and whispered, "I love you" before backing out of the room and meeting Alex in the hallway.
"Any luck?" Alex asked her.
"No, it's like she's in a coma but with her eyes open," Meredith said and took a deep breath. She had only been out of bed for approximately a half hour but she was exhausted and could not wait to get home… to her real home. "How's Arizona?"
Alex sighed, too. "Physically, I guess she's okay… she's sitting up and talking. She won't listen to anyone that suggests amputation, though, so she and Callie have some kind of alternative plan in place. She's not great, mentally… not that any of you are."
"Mad at you for the whole… thing?" Meredith guessed.
"I think so. I mean, I'd be mad at myself if I was in her position," Alex confessed but then he dropped the subject and Meredith could tell that he did not want to talk about his mentor anymore.
Next, they walked further down the hall to the last of the plane crash victims. Mark had just returned from surgery so he was sleeping and there was no point in disturbing his rest but Lexie was still in her medically-induced coma and Meredith wanted to make sure she saw her. There was still a chance that Lexie could die and if that happened, Meredith needed to see her sister alive one more time. Anything had to be better than the Lexie that Meredith had seen in the woods on their fourth night…
...Or at least she had assumed nothing could be worse. It was strange because technically, Lexie was much healthier than she had been in the forest but right now, healthy was the last word that Meredith would use to describe her sister. If Cristina did not look like herself, then it was like Lexie was from a different universe.
This Lexie was pale white, emaciated, and basically, a child. Her legs, which still needed additional surgery, were propped up in the air and her arm was in a sling. There were tubes, wires and monitors stuck all over Lexie's tiny body like she was a doll rather than a human and deep, dark circles appeared to be permanently etched under her eyes. Perhaps most notably, Lexie's chest was wrapped with bandages from her thoracotomy. Her nose was uneven and the rest of her skin was covered with bruises and lacerations. Lexie's hair had been shaved and she was wearing a heavy-duty, protective helmet to guard her brain.
Meredith froze in the doorway; there was no way that this was Lexie… little, perky, happy Lexie with an overly-eager personality. Lexie was supposed to be the next Chief Resident. She was supposed to be the best surgeon, better than Meredith…
"Hey," said a quiet voice suddenly from behind and Meredith turned her head and saw Alex. "I know it's scary but remember… she's still alive."
"I know she's alive," Meredith said and she inched her way closer to her sister, trying her hardest not to feel sick because that was not an appropriate reaction, not when Lexie still had a fighting chance.
As gently as possible, Meredith reached forward and took Lexie's hand in her own. It was cold… not as cold as it would be if Lexie had died, but cold nonetheless from lack of oxygen. Part of Lexie's lung had been removed…
This was the part where, if Meredith's life was a movie, she would sit down and talk to her sister and remind her of all the beautiful memories they had shared together. Maybe, if it was an especially cheesy movie, Lexie would wake-up after Meredith had cried for a while, and promise to keep fighting and live forever.
But Meredith's life was not a movie and medically, there was no way for Lexie to wake-up currently. She was in a medically-induced coma; the drugs were keeping her sedated whether her body had healed or not. There really was no point in sitting down and speaking with Lexie because the odds were, she had no idea that Meredith was in the same building as her.
Still, Meredith found herself acting like some gross character from a Lifetime movie and sitting down in the chair next to Lexie's bed. She found herself squeezing Lexie's hand and taking a deep breath and then beginning to talk like Lexie was waking-up from a particularly long nap.
"Okay, Lexie… this really should be your job. You should be the one sitting here and… and gushing on and on about how you love me even though I was never a very good sister. That would be something you'd do and I don't mean that in a bad way. You just care like that. You care about everyone, too much sometimes; you cared about me when you didn't even know me and that just proves that you are a better person than I'll ever be.
"Okay, I'm… I'm getting too soppy so… I just want you to know that I love you. I haven't always shown it and especially… especially in the beginning, I wasn't a good sister but you are the best and I love you so much. Mark loves you too, even if he doesn't want to admit it. Yeah… okay, I'll tell you the rest when you wake-up, okay? Get some rest and… and don't worry about being perfect or anything. You're home now and people love you and you're gonna get better. I promise."
It was against the rules as a doctor to promise a patient anything. But Meredith was not promising Lexie anything as a doctor. She was promising her as a sister because she knew that Lexie's morale had not been all that high lately and she thought that if Lexie could hear her, she would probably appreciate her big sister telling her that things were going to be okay.
Another minute of eerie silence passed. Meredith watched Lexie continue to inhale and exhale. And then she got up and, feeling slightly dizzy, followed Alex out of the ICU.
Yay! The surgeons are officially home in Seattle and Meredith has been reunited with Zola and Alex. Like I said before, Derek really is okay now; he just needs some more time to get his BP down and wake-up from the anesthesia. Although Lexie is still unconscious, I hope you enjoyed the sweet sister moment between her and Meredith.
Stay tuned for Meredith's arrival back at her childhood house and adjusting back to "normal" life! Thank you all so much for reading; it means so much to me! If you enjoyed, please don't forget to favorite/follow and review! Reviews make me SO happy and mean so much to me. Love you all forever! Xoxo, merderpedia :)