A/N: Thanks for your reviews! I was trying to go in order for the birthdays but ideas don't come in order so we're taking a time jump and I'll write them as they come. This one comes in the era of my Christmas story Let Your Heart Be Light when Kate was four years old and Jim and Johanna were beginning to go through a hard time in their marriage.
Chapter 7- Spiraling- February 4, 1984- Part 1
After finishing her morning routines and poking her head into Katie's room to make sure her four-year-old was still sleeping soundly, Johanna decided to follow her usual Saturday morning ritual of getting back into bed for awhile longer. There was no reason to be up before she had to be on the weekends; she always allowed Katie to sleep until she got up on her own, which she would around nine; and Jim usually slept in or went downstairs to read his newspaper in peace. She wished though that he'd stay in bed with her for awhile…talking softly and just being together like they used to do…before he became this work obsessed, drink loving stranger that he was nowadays. She sighed a little as she neared their bedroom; it would be nice if things could be easy today…it was her birthday after all and he had promised last weekend that they'd spend the day together. She hoped he was going to stick to that, she thought to herself as she entered the room and moved to the bed, crawling back into it as she glanced across the room at her husband, her brow furrowing as she did so.
"Why are you getting dressed for work?" Johanna asked. "It's Saturday."
"Because I have meetings," Jim said as he tied his tie. "I don't get to clock out on Friday and not worry until Monday anymore. I have to take appointments on the weekend to keep up; especially with having to go to Vermont in a few weeks."
"I just thought we were going to spend the day together," she said softly as a measure of disappointment spread through her.
"Who told you that?"
The comment stung but she brushed it off as best as she could. "You did…it's what you told me last weekend when you had to work."
"Things probably looked different last week. I have to go to these meetings. I can't sit home and do nothing just because it's Saturday."
"I don't think that's what we had in mind when we talked about it. I thought we were going to find something for us to do…something with Katie and then things for us since she's spending the night with Claire."
"Things change, Johanna. I have to work. Don't you have something that needs done? You do have two jobs now; I'm sure there's something you could spend some time on while Katie watches cartoons. Don't you have papers to grade or a case to work on?"
"I figured I'd do it tomorrow," she murmured. "Are we still going out to dinner?"
Jim glanced at her as he pulled on his suit jacket. "What are you talking about?"
Her brow rose. "Seriously?"
"I don't remember us having dinner plans, Johanna."
She stared at him in disbelief; they always went out to dinner for her birthday…had they really reached the point in their marriage where he had forgotten her birthday? He hadn't mentioned it after all; usually he told her happy birthday as soon as she opened her eyes but he hadn't this morning. He had also declined her offer to make him breakfast. "You told me days ago that you were going to make reservations for tonight."
"For where?" he asked; doing his best to keep from yelling in exasperation. The last thing he needed was to wake up Katie and get her started about him going to work.
"For Lugi's…our favorite place."
"Aren't you sick of that place?" he asked with a frown.
"No…I can't even remember the last time we were there. I can't even remember the last time we went out to dinner period."
"Don't start that again."
She shrugged. "It's just the truth, Jim; we don't do anything anymore. You go out plenty…you just never take me with you."
"We're married, Johanna; I shouldn't have to date you anymore. We live in the same house; it's not like we don't see each other."
"Sometimes it feels like we don't," she said quietly. "I just miss when we used to do things."
"It's hard to do things when we have a kid and three jobs between us," Jim retorted. "I don't know what the hell you want lately."
Johanna gave a soft shake of her head. "I don't want anything," she said quietly. "I'm sorry I brought up dinner. I'll grab something to eat when I drop Katie off later. I'll make you something when you get home…don't get pissed off at me for asking, but any idea what time you might be home?"
"I don't know," he replied.
She breathed deeply, the realization that he really had forgotten what day it was settling over her. She exhaled slowly, hurt and disappointment filling her once again. "Are you sure you don't want me to make you breakfast?" she asked.
"I'll stop and get coffee and a doughnut on the way," Jim answered.
"Have a good day," she said flatly as he shoved his wallet into his pocket.
"You too," he replied, heading for the door and leaving her alone without another word.
Tears stung her eyes as she shook her head. Her husband had just given her the same treatment he'd give a client that he was ending a meeting with. She should be used to it; after all, she'd been living with this new attitude of his for months now…but it still hurt, she thought to herself as she laid down, pulling his pillow close to breathe in his scent. She thought that they had made some headway when he came home for Christmas…she thought maybe things were going to go back to normal.
She had been wrong…as usual.
He had come home for New Year's as promised…in a foul mood and hungover. He spent all day of New Year's Eve yelling at Katie for being too loud until finally she had taken her to her mother's to spend the rest of the day and night with her cousins. She had gone back home and nursed her husband, hoping maybe they could at least venture out to dinner and then return home for a child free night to do whatever they wanted without worry. He hadn't wanted to go out to dinner…didn't want to order anything for dinner either so they could have a date like vibe. He had demanded that she cook…and so she had, thinking she could make it special but it hadn't been. His hangover might've eased but it hadn't improved his mood. He had gone to bed early…she had watched the ball drop alone on the TV downstairs…no New Year's kiss…no nothing…and it seemed like it was going to be the theme for her whole year.
Here she was, her birthday forgotten by the man who had always gone out of his way to make the day happy for her. She closed her eyes; he wasn't the first man to forget…her father had forgotten once too. When her father had forgotten it had felt like a betrayal. Now her husband had forgotten and it felt like a small betrayal too. The two most important men in her life and they had both let her down in the same way…just eighteen years apart.
He had known her birthday was coming up…that was why he had specified last week that they'd spend this day together; first as a family…and then later on, if she could find someone to watch Katie; they'd have the rest of the day and night for the two of them. She had arranged for Katie to spend the night at her brother's house, knowing her child was always happy to have a sleepover with her favorite cousin Claire. So she lined up a babysitter…waited patiently, doing her best not to anger him during the week since she seemed to do it so easily lately. She hadn't even bothered to ask him if he'd watch Katie that week during her class on Tuesday and Thursday; instead she had paid Angie to watch her. She hadn't said a word about him stumbling in drunk the night before…she hadn't said much about his behavior at all that week in hopes that the weekend would come and all would be well. Fools and their wishes, she thought to herself.
Things weren't getting better…they only seemed to be getting worse and she didn't know how to make it stop. Now he had even forgotten her birthday…and she knew it was a silly thing to get upset over; she was far too old to think that birthdays should be special…but he had always tried to make it special in some way; even if it was just by getting a babysitter and taking her out for the night.
Oh well, she mused; she was thirty-three, not three…it was just another day.
Footsteps sounded in the hallway and she feigned sleep so her husband could slip into the room and get whatever he had forgotten without being disturbed or forced to have conversation with her. The footsteps entered the room and then paused beside the bed.
"I know you're awake," Jim stated. "You're not one of those people who falls asleep fast."
Johanna opened her eyes and looked up at him. "Your keys are on the kitchen counter."
Jim gave her a puzzled look. "What?"
"If you're looking for your keys, they're on the kitchen counter. The folders you dropped on the stand last night I put on your desk next to your briefcase. If you need a few extra dollars and don't have time to stop at the bank, my purse is on the dresser. There's eighty dollars in my wallet, you can take forty of it."
"I asked you for twenty dollars last week," Jim retorted. "You don't have to act like I do it all the time."
"I'm not; I'm just telling you that the money is in my wallet if you need some. It's not a big deal; we've always given each other money when one of us needs a few extra dollars and we can't squeeze in a run to the bank. I wasn't trying to offend you."
"I don't need your money; I'm going to the bank before they close today. I haven't forgotten that I owe you the twenty from last week."
"No, you don't," she replied. "I don't want it back."
"You'll get it back anyway and keep your mouth shut about it because I don't want to hear it."
"Fine, Jim; whatever makes you happy. If you're not looking for your keys, work or money; what are you looking for?" she asked; keeping her tone neutral.
"I wasn't looking for anything."
"You changed your mind about breakfast?"
"No."
"Then what is it?" she asked as she sat up once more. "Are you not feeling well?"
"I've felt better," he admitted; but he knew it was because he had overindulged the night before when he had been out…and to her credit, she hadn't said anything about it…yet; but he was sure she would before long.
Johanna rose up on her knees, pressing her fingers against his forehead to check for fever. "You're not running a fever," she said softly, allowing her hand to brush against his cheek. "That doesn't mean you're not coming down with something though…maybe you should stay home and rest."
"Don't mother me," he stated. "Save that for Katie."
Her hand dropped away from his face as if she had been burned and she sank back down, allowing him to tower over her as he stood beside the bed. "What did you want?" she asked, trying to keep the hurt out of her voice.
Jim breathed deeply, knowing he had hurt her feelings by shunning her attention and concern. "I'll take you to dinner tonight."
She glanced at him for a quick second and then looked away. "It's alright; we don't have to go out. I know you're busy."
"I am, but I know if I don't take you it'll turn into a big thing."
She met his gaze, a cool smile on her lips. "It's so nice to be your obligation."
"You're not an obligation," he sighed. "It has been awhile since we went out to dinner, so since you claim we had already made plans to do so, then we will, okay? I'll call and get us reservations but not Lugi's. I'm sick of Italian food."
"I'll make sure I don't cook any this week," she remarked.
"I didn't mean yours," he stated. "You cook a variety of things but it always seems like you want Italian food when we eat out and I'm sick of it."
"Alright," Johanna said softly, pulling her legs up against her and wrapping her arms around them. "But please don't make it Chinese. I hate Chinese food; I can't even stand the way it smells."
"That's the one perk of us not working together anymore," Jim said. "I can eat Chinese food for lunch."
"I never told you that you couldn't; I just said I wasn't…but if that's what you want tonight, I'll try to find something on the menu that I can tolerate," she replied; cringing inside at the thought of it. She'd been dragged to Chinese restaurants before, first by her parents and later by college friends and dates and she never could find anything that didn't turn her stomach at the sight of it.
"I just bet," he laughed.
"You're going to be late for work, Jim. We'll go out some other time; it's alright…I promise I won't say anything more about it."
He sighed deeply, looking at her and wondering why she always folded her legs up against herself like that. It always made her look so small and fragile. She hadn't been herself all week…at least what he had seen of her she hadn't been. She hadn't said anything about his late nights…she hadn't said anything about him coming home drunk the night before. She hadn't said much about anything at all…and he didn't miss the fact that Katie always seemed to be tucked into bed before he got home lately. He knew he had yelled at her a few times for being boisterous…he might've even yelled at her for bugging him one night when he was trying to work at his desk. He didn't like yelling at her…but Johanna was too damn patient with her and allowed her to get away with too much as it was. He figured that she had moved Katie's bedtime up a little…and she seemed to be keeping to herself the last few days. He knew things weren't great between them lately but that was because she refused to understand that he had to keep proving himself at work right now…that he couldn't just drop things to be with her all the time.
"It won't be Chinese food," he murmured, reaching out and pushing her hair off her shoulder. "I'll pick one of the other places we like, alright?"
She nodded but said nothing; knowing that he still had no clue that it was her birthday.
"Go buy a new dress," he told her. "That will make you feel better."
Tears filled her eyes but she kept her head turned so he wouldn't see them. Nothing was going to make her feel better…unless he started acting like the man she married again.
"I'll make the reservation for seven; that way I'll be sure to be done my work and I'll be able to come home and get ready and pick you up," Jim went on. "It's just going to be dinner…I don't feel like staying out. I get tired of it."
"Then maybe you ought to try coming home sometimes," she murmured, her voice clogged with tears she wouldn't shed.
"You really going to go there, Johanna?" he asked.
"It's hard not to when you're standing there saying you get tired of being out and yet I don't see you coming home on time. I don't know when the last time was that you were home when you were supposed to be. I know you like to blow off steam, that you like to be with your friends…but you don't have to stay out half the night. You could have a drink and come home."
"Are you going to start about the drinking again!?" he exclaimed in a hushed voice.
"No. All I said was you could have a drink and come home; I didn't tell you not to have one at all."
"You're probably gearing up for it."
"I'm not," she sighed. "Do whatever makes you happy, Jim; because it seems like I don't do it for you anymore."
"That's not true. I'm sorry I haven't had as much time as I used to…maybe things will settle down in a few months."
She scoffed before she could stop herself. "Let me know if it does; I'll make an appointment."
"We'll go out to dinner tonight and then next weekend we'll take Katie and do something, okay? That's the best I can do right now."
"Alright," she said although she knew that they wouldn't do anything the following weekend. He'd be busy getting ready to leave next Sunday for his case in Vermont.
"I have to get going. I'll see you later."
Johanna nodded, conjuring up a small smile for him.
"Try to be ready on time," Jim remarked as he headed back to the door. "I don't want to be all night getting there."
The smile faded from her lips; the sentiment shining through loud and clear that he didn't really want to take her out and that he was hoping to get it over with as quickly as possible. "I'll be ready," she said quietly.
He left the room without another word and she laid back down, breathing in his scent on his pillow. Some birthday this was going to be, she mused…but at least she could have him for a short period of time at dinner. Maybe while they were eating she could find a way to remind him that he used to enjoy her company…and then maybe when they got home they could watch a movie together…reconnect a little since Katie would be out of the house. It would be enough if she could just make it happen…and she prayed that there would be some miracle and that it would happen that way.
Johanna was still in bed, halfheartedly watching TV when she heard the soft sound of tiny footsteps in the hallway heading for the bathroom. She glanced at the clock, eight-forty-five…her morning of quiet and solitude was over…and today she was glad for it. She spent enough time being lonely now that her husband only cared about himself. Katie didn't fill up all of the emptiness but she took up a good bit and she did her best to keep those feelings of depression and sadness hidden from her child. Several minutes later, the sound of footsteps returned and then her daughter's head cautiously poked around the door that Jim had left ajar.
"Good morning, baby," she murmured to her daughter, a smile touching her lips as she took in Katie's tousled hair and sleepy eyes.
"Where's Daddy?" Katie whispered; her voice still raspy from sleep.
Johanna ached inside; ever since Jim had started chastening her more for being what he considered loud, she noticed that Katie was keeping her distance from her daddy for the most part and whispering when she thought he might be near. "He's not home, honey; you can come in."
"I want my bunny," Katie said, turning away from the door and hurrying back to her own room.
Johanna shifted around, making room for her daughter when she'd return from grabbing her bunny.
"Daddy's not home?" her daughter asked once more as she reappeared in the doorway.
"No, Baby; Daddy's not home; he had some work to do."
Katie ran into the room, bunny held tightly in the crook of her arm and dragging a pink gift bag. She climbed up on the bed, laying down her bunny and letting go of the bag as she crawled into her mother's embrace. "Happy Birthday, Mommy!" she exclaimed happily.
Johanna laughed softly, brushing her daughter's hair back from her face. "How did you know it was my birthday?"
"Grandma told me," she replied. "She said that when I waked up this morning it would be your birthday. I got you presents!"
"Did you?" Johanna asked. "How did you do that?"
"Grandma helped me," Katie replied, pulling away from her mother so she could grab the gift bag that Naomi McKenzie had managed to hide in Katie's bag the day before.
"Grandma's a good helper," Johanna remarked; thinking to herself that her mother must have correctly assumed that like Christmas, Jim wouldn't have time to assist his daughter in getting a gift for her to give.
"Open your presents, Mommy!" Katie said, bouncing on her knees a little as she pushed the bag toward her.
Johanna reached into the bag and pulled out the card made of pink construction paper; big, messy letters spelling out Happy Birthday Mommy taking up the whole center, lopsided hearts doodled around it in purple crayon. She smiled, her fingers moving against the letters.
"Grandma helped with the letters," Katie said, her eyes eager for approval. "I told her we been practicing my letters."
"You did a good job writing your letters," Johanna praised. "You're such a smart girl."
"There's more inside!" her daughter exclaimed. "It opens!"
She laughed softly as she opened the card, the inside showing a drawing of two stick figures wearing dresses that she figured was her and Katie and opposite the drawing were the words 'I Love You, Mommy! Love, Katie'. "That's so sweet," she said softly, leaning forward to kiss her daughter's forehead. "I love you too, sweetheart."
"There's more presents in there," Katie said, pointing to the bag.
"I know," she said with a smile; reaching inside the bag and pulling out a small wrapped box. She pulled off the wrapping paper and opened the box, finding a pair of red leather gloves. "Oh, these are pretty," she said, trying one on as her daughter watched.
"They match your scarf, Mommy."
"Yes, they do; and they're very nice. Thank you."
"I picked them all by myself," her daughter told her proudly.
"You did such a good job," she praised. "It's nice for a lady to have a good pair of gloves like these when she has to go to work and run errands."
Katie beamed in response. "Open the next one!"
Johanna opened the next gift and found a new novel she remembered telling her mother that she wanted to get the next time she went to the bookstore. The third gift she pulled from the bag was a small box containing a silver heart shaped pin that was studded with tiny pink stones. "Grandma said you can put that on your coat so it has something pretty on it," her daughter informed her.
"It's just what my coat needs," she told her. "It's very pretty."
"I liked that one best," her daughter stated. "Grandma liked the flower one but I like the heart one."
"I think you made a good choice," Johanna remarked; figuring that her mother had tried to persuade her child toward the flower pin, possibly thinking it would look more professional but Katie was stubborn and she had no doubt that she had dug her heels in and insisted on the one she liked the best. She would pin it to her coat before the day was over so that Katie would be sure to know that she liked it.
"There's one more present," Katie said, poking the bag.
Johanna reached into the bag and pulled out the last gift, unwrapping it and finding a white coffee mug with her name painted on it in elegant red script on both sides. She figured that her mother must've ordered it from one of those catalogues she was always getting in the mail.
"Do you like it, Mommy?" her daughter asked.
"I do; I like it a lot," she told her. "I'm going to wash it and drink my coffee in it at breakfast…but would it be okay if I took it to my office with me Monday?" she asked her. "Mommy really needs this at work since it has my name on it; then everyone will know this is my mug and not to touch it."
"Yeah, you can take it to your office," Katie said happily. "It will be pretty on your desk."
"You're right, it will be," she smiled; "And I'll tell everyone that you gave it to me."
"Tell them no one can use it but you."
"Oh I will," she said as she kissed her daughter. "Thank you for my presents, sweetheart; I love them all."
"You're welcome, Mommy," Katie said, wiggling her way back into her arms for a hug. "We gotta go to Grandma's."
"I don't have to work today, baby; it's Saturday."
"No; we gotta go to Grandma's because we made you a birthday cake," she replied.
"You did?" Johanna asked.
"Uh huh and it's pretty; it's got pink roses on it."
"My favorite," she told her. "You and Grandma have been busy."
"Yep; we did lots of stuff yesterday but she said it was a secret and I couldn't tell you until today. Grandma got you presents too."
"Well then I guess we better go over there later," Johanna replied, tickling her a little. "But for right now we better go downstairs and have some breakfast."
"What are we going to have?" Katie asked.
"Pancakes; I always have pancakes on my birthday," she told her.
"How come?"
"Because Grandma always made me birthday pancakes when I was little."
"I like pancakes," Katie replied. "I want bunny pancakes."
She laughed, brushing a hand over her child's tousled hair. "Then bunny pancakes we shall have. Do you want a little bit of scrambled eggs with them?"
"Uh huh and orange juice."
"Alright; bunny pancakes, scrambled eggs and orange juice; sounds like a good birthday breakfast to me," Johanna said as she tossed back the covers and got out of bed, carrying her new coffee mug in one hand and offering her other hand to her daughter as she scooted down after her. At least her mother and her daughter hadn't forgotten her birthday.
Naomi McKenzie smiled as she opened the door later that day and found her daughter and granddaughter on the other side. "I see you got my message to come over," she said as she met Johanna's gaze.
"Katie's not likely to forget a message that involves cake," Johanna replied as they stepped into the house.
Naomi smiled at her granddaughter as she helped her out of her coat. "You must get that sweet tooth from your Grandpa," she told her.
"Where is Grandpa?" Katie asked.
"In the living room watching TV; go on in, he's waiting on you."
Katie ran off to the living room to find her grandfather and Naomi waited until Johanna had hung up her coat and then enfolded her in a tight embrace. "Happy Birthday, Bambina."
"Thanks, Mama," she said softly; breathing in the comforting scent of her mother's perfume.
Naomi released her, her hands cupping her daughter's face. "Thirty-three," she said. "It's hard to believe…seems like it was just yesterday when you were Katie's age."
She smiled a little. "Sometimes I wish I was still her age."
"We all have those moments," her mother said with a laugh. "But I felt old this morning, thinking about how it's been thirty-three years since I held you for the first time and kissed your little head. My plans for the way you were to enter the world fell apart when the snow started the day before you were born…but then you arrived and you were perfect and the plans didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was that God had answered my prayers for a baby girl."
Johanna gave her an amused smirk. "What, you're not going to bring up the nineteen hours and however many minutes it took me to be born?"
"I was saving that for after the cake," Naomi quipped. "Believe me, I haven't forgotten how long it took you to get here or the pain I endured."
"Now it's my birthday," she laughed. "It's just not right until you've mentioned your pain bringing me into the world."
"Well now it's officially your day," her mother said warmly.
"Thanks for the gifts Katie gave me," she said, keeping her tone low as they remained in the entryway.
"Oh that wasn't any problem," Naomi replied. "I told her yesterday that today was your birthday and her first response was that she didn't have a present for you. So I took her out to get a few things and I managed to get the bag hidden in her bag she brings with her toys in it. Then we made the cake."
"She told me about the cake as soon as the gifts were open."
"Where's Jim? Why didn't he come with you?"
"He's working," she replied.
"Seems like that's all he does lately. Can't he even take a day off for his wife's birthday?"
"He has meetings that he has to take today; he has to have things in order because he's leaving for Vermont next weekend for a case he has."
"Again?"
"Yes," she replied, a note of bitterness in her voice.
"All the more reason why he should've made sure to be with you today."
"I guess it was unavoidable, Mom," Johanna said, although she didn't believe it.
Naomi studied her daughter for a long moment. "Dear, don't take this the wrong way…"
"That's never good," Johanna muttered.
"Are you and Jim having some kind of financial trouble?"
Johanna looked at her oddly. "No; why?"
"Well…with Jim working so much the last several months and you taking a second job…it just seemed like maybe you were having financial problems," Naomi replied. "If you are, you could just ask us, we'll help you."
She shook her head. "No, Mom; we're not having any financial difficulties. We're fine."
"Are you sure? You did say before that you weren't making as much at your new firm."
"I'm not making as much as I used to at the moment but business is a little better than it was but we're fine; we have plenty. I could quit both of my jobs and Jim would still bring in plenty of money for us to live comfortably."
"Then why on earth did you take a second job?" Naomi asked. "I could understand it if you needed the money but if Jim is making enough to provide for you and Katie; then why would you take another job, Johanna?"
"Because business has been slow at the firm and I wanted something else to do," she answered.
"But it's more time away from Katie; is that worth curing a little boredom?"
"It's two hours a week, Mom; Katie's fine."
"But still…why do it if you don't need the money? You could be home those two hours with your daughter instead of having her with a sitter because I know Jim hasn't been watching her while you're at Columbia."
Her eyes narrowed. "Don't act like I'm never with my kid," she said, her voice low and firm. "I'm with Katie every moment I can be. I took the job because I wanted it…it was something I wanted for myself. You always yelled you wanted me to be a teacher; I take a teaching position and you act like I'm neglecting my child."
"You're not neglecting her," Naomi said, gentling her tone. "But you have a husband who provides for you."
"So do you and yet I remember plenty of times when I was a kid, you went out the door to teach piano in the church basement…don't you think you were neglecting us for those few hours away from us?"
Naomi sighed. "I don't think it's exactly the same. I was home all day with you kids…you're not home with Katie all day, she's with me."
"Mom, if you don't want to watch her anymore just say so; I'm sure Elizabeth wouldn't mind going from two days to three and Valerie would take her the other two."
"Now don't be ridiculous; I don't mind watching her, I enjoy it. I'm just saying that you don't have to have that other job…how does she feel being with a babysitter in the evening when she had already been with one during the day?"
"She's fine. I know you don't like me having this job, that's why I haven't asked you to watch her during my class. She seemed to greatly enjoy the time she spent with Angie this past week. She went to Frankie's my first week; she loved having some extra playtime with Claire. If Katie was bothered by it, I'd quit but she's fine. It's only until early May; it's not a permanent job."
"I know it's only temporary…but you don't seem happy lately and I thought…"
"If I'm unhappy," she said, cutting her off. "It doesn't have anything to do with teaching a class twice a week or Katie…and I really don't want to do this today, so can we just not?"
"What's wrong, Johanna?" Naomi asked softly. "If it's not work or money; what is it?"
"Jim," she admitted quietly.
"Things haven't gotten any better since Christmas?"
She shook her head. "It feels like they just get worse. We made plans last week to spend today together…he claims he doesn't remember and he has these meetings to get done. We made plans to go out to dinner…he didn't remember that either and finally said he'd take me out tonight…so I won't make a big thing out of it; and I've been informed that it's just dinner and nothing else, no movie, or club or anything. Just dinner. He doesn't even know it's my birthday," she said with a hollow laugh. "We've finally reached that place in our marriage where the honeymoon is over and he breaks plans and forgets my birthday. I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later."
Naomi's heart ached as she pulled her daughter into another hug. "I'm so sorry," she murmured to her. "I hate to know you're going through a hard time…and I know nothing I can say will make it any better…but don't give up hope, darling. Every marriage goes through hard times…but it usually works out in the end."
"I'm not so sure," she whispered as she held on to her mother.
"We just have to hope that it will," Naomi murmured; "But if it gets too bad; you and Katie can always come home, Bambina. Don't ever hesitate to just come home."
"He's not keeping the house," Johanna muttered. "No way in hell is he keeping the house. Katie and the house are mine. He can live in his car."
Naomi gave a soft laugh. "You are your father's daughter, darling. You think the way he does when it comes to things like that…and no, I don't think it's a bad thing. But if Jim would take it into his head to leave, I feel certain that your father will kill him and you won't have to worry."
"I just don't know what I did wrong," she murmured.
"Who said you did anything wrong?" her mother asked.
She shrugged. "It's just how I feel…that I must've done something wrong or things wouldn't have gotten to this point."
"It takes two people to make a marriage, Johanna. I don't see where you're not upholding your end of things…he's the one who never seems to be around; so if there's blame, I think it lies with him."
"I just keep hoping I'll wake up one day and things will be back to normal."
"I'll pray for that to be the case," Naomi promised.
"Are you two going to stand in the entry way all day?" Frank asked as he appeared in the doorway of the living room.
"No," Naomi replied; "We were just catching up."
"You just saw each other yesterday."
"A lot can happen in a short amount of time," his wife remarked.
"When are we going to have cake, Grandma? I told Mommy we made cake." Katie stated as she stood next to her grandfather.
"We'll have the cake now," Naomi said. "Let's all go into the kitchen."
They all headed to the kitchen and settled down at the table while Naomi took the lid off the cake container that she had placed in the center of the table before her daughter's arrival.
"Do you like it, Mommy?" Katie asked.
"I love it," Johanna replied, pressing a kiss to her daughter's cheek. "You and Grandma did a good job."
"Katie picked the color of the roses," Naomi stated. "She said you should have pink roses."
"I do like pink roses best," she told her daughter.
"You gotta blow out the candles and make a wish," Katie said, watching as Naomi poked a few thin pink birthday candles into the cake.
"I'm glad Grandma's not putting all the candles on…that would take up half the cake."
"Oh it would not," her mother chastened lightly; "But I figured I'd just do six candles; the first three for the thirty and the others for the three. Can you believe she's thirty-three, Frank?"
"No," he allowed himself to admit. "It doesn't seem like it should be that long."
"I think I liked my twenties better," Johanna replied.
"Who doesn't?" Frank remarked as he watched Naomi light the candles.
"Okay," Naomi said, glancing at her granddaughter. "Candles are lit; time to sing to Mommy."
Naomi and Katie sang Happy Birthday to her and she smiled as her daughter excitedly told her to blow out the candles and make a wish. Johanna closed her eyes, making a wish that her marriage would survive whatever it was going through at the moment…that Jim would work out whatever it was that was going on with him and be the man she had always known him to be. She blew out the candles, hoping her wish would be granted as her daughter clapped for her.
Naomi took the candles out of the cake and set about slicing pieces for all of them as Frank glanced at his daughter. "Where's Jim?" he asked.
Johanna sighed a little. "He had to work."
"On a Saturday?"
"Daddy works all the time," Katie remarked. "He never comes home like Mommy does."
"That's not really true, Katie," Johanna said; although if she was being honest with herself, it was the truth…he didn't often come home on time and he never seemed to stick around on the weekends. "Working on weekends is just a part of his promotion I guess."
"I'm glad Daddy's working," her daughter said as a slice of cake was put in front of her.
"Why?" Frank asked; suspicion in his eyes.
"Cause he yells all the time," she answered.
"For what?" he demanded to know.
"The same things you always yelled at me for," Johanna said before her chatty daughter could answer.
Frank didn't like the sound of things…just like he hadn't been pleased with the situation at Christmas but before he could speak, his granddaughter pulled his attention back to her.
"Daddy yells a lot," Katie remarked as she licked icing off her fork.
"Daddy said he was sorry for yelling at you," Johanna reminded her.
"He yells at Mommy on the phone," Katie added.
"No, he doesn't," she laughed but even to her own ears the sound was strained.
"Uh huh," her daughter declared. "Daddy yells on the phone; I heard him the other day. He said he'd come home when he was good and damn ready so don't bitch about it cause he's tired of hearing it."
"Katherine Houghton!" Johanna exclaimed. "You don't say those words! I've told you about that before!"
"That's what Daddy said!"
"I don't care; he's a grown up, he's allowed to say those words, you're not and you know it! I better not hear it again!" she said sternly. "It's also not nice for you to be listening to people's phone calls and then telling other people about it."
"Daddy said it first," she muttered.
"And I'm saying for the last time that I better not hear those words come out of your mouth again," Johanna said sharply. "If you keep it up you won't be spending the night with Claire tonight."
Katie pouted and fell silent as Frank and Naomi eyed them both.
"Don't punish her for telling the truth," Frank said, his tone low and tense. "If you don't want your phone calls overheard and repeated, then you take them in another room where she isn't playing."
Johanna's gaze fell to her own piece of cake, feeling chastened and wishing she had just stayed home. A sniffle next to her told her that her daughter was crying and she felt like a terrible person once more. "It's alright, Katie; I'm not mad at you," she said softly. "You're going to your sleepover tonight, I promise."
"I'm sorry, Mommy," Katie sniffled.
"It's okay," she told her, giving her a hug. "But don't repeat anymore bad words, alright? Before long you're going to be going to school and you can't say bad words there. I know Grammy lets you do it when you're watching Wheel of Fortune but honey, you can't do it when you're not with Grammy."
"She shouldn't do it with Grammy," Naomi remarked.
"I'm picking my battles, Mom," Johanna remarked as she wiped the tears off her daughter's cheek and kissed her forehead. "Eat your cake, baby. It's really good; I can tell you were a big help to Grandma because it's extra good."
Katie's eyes lit up. "You like it lots?!"
"I do; it's the best birthday cake I've ever had."
"I'm glad you like it; I helped a lot," her daughter said. "Grandma let me crack the eggs and I didn't get no shells in there."
Johanna laughed and gave her another squeeze. "Good job."
"What did Jim get you for your birthday?" Frank asked, a note of firmness in his voice.
"I don't know," she answered.
"You don't know?" he repeated as he eyed her. "Does he even know it's your birthday?"
"What does it matter?" Johanna asked.
"Because I want to know…now that I know he doesn't come home much and spends his time yelling my granddaughter and apparently cussing you on the phone."
"Fine, Dad; he didn't mention it before he left…but we're supposed to go out tonight so maybe he'll mention it then."
"And if he doesn't?" he wanted to know.
She shrugged. "Then I guess it doesn't matter…he wouldn't be the first man to forget my birthday…you did it once."
"Only because I was worried about your mother who was in the hospital," Frank remarked.
"Yeah; I know…but you still forgot. I even remember birthdays when you weren't here so why do you care if he doesn't remember?"
"Because I didn't give you away at the wedding for him to forget," he said sharply. "I don't know what his problem is the last several months but I didn't give him my daughter to leave her alone with a baby while he goes out and does whatever the hell he wants…because I highly doubt he's spending every moment of his day and night doing law work, Johanna. I think you know that too."
She breathed deeply, wishing she knew what to say. "He's taking me out tonight; he's probably just waiting until then to give me a gift. He probably just wants me to think that he forgot my birthday; he's just teasing me, that's all."
Frank studied his daughter, noting the fact that she looked him straight in the eye and didn't blink. She was lying to him, trying to cover for her husband and smooth over the idea that he had forgotten completely…but he knew better. He doubted that there would even be a dinner date.
"I'm sure it'll all work out," Naomi said lightly. "But for now let's just concentrate on the part of Johanna's birthday that she's spending with us. We have gifts for you to open after you finish your cake, Bambina. Your grandmother sent her card and gift home with me the other day; she would've liked to have been here to have cake with you but you know she's just getting over the flu and I told her to stay in out of the cold."
"There's no reason for her to be out in this cold," Johanna agreed. "Is she feeling any better?"
"Oh yes, she's almost completely back to herself, ornery and somewhat demanding" Naomi remarked with a hint of exasperation. "She's back to her regular eating habits and has her strength back but she should still take it easy for a few more days. Your sister left a gift and a card from her and the kids too. She wanted to be here but Paul insisted on them all going out of state to see his grandfather today."
"Paul's good for that," Johanna replied. "I'll call her when I know she's back."
"I'm sure she'll be waiting to hear from you," Naomi replied; satisfied that she had successfully steered them away from unhappy topics.
They finished their cake over unimportant small talk and then Naomi allowed Katie to follow her to the bedroom to get Johanna's gifts, leaving father and daughter alone for a few moments.
"I know I missed some of your birthdays," Frank said, keeping his tone quiet so they wouldn't be overheard.
"It's alright, Dad; you had to go out of town at times for work; sometimes for your company, sometimes for Grandpa's on Colin's behalf. I didn't mean to start anything…it's just…"
"I know what it is," he replied. "I'm not angry…I know I missed birthdays, not just some of yours but some of Frankie's and Colleen's too. But it's different between husbands and wives…I've never forgotten your mother's birthday…and even when it lands on a workday; I still make sure to fill her day and evening as much as I can in between sharing her with our children."
"I know," Johanna said softly.
"I don't particularly like what I'm hearing and seeing from your husband lately. I don't like knowing that he's never around, that he yells at Katie when he is and yells at you on the phone. I had hoped he had gotten over himself after the way things were at Christmas."
"Yeah; I had hoped that too," she sighed.
"Has it gone beyond yelling?" Frank asked.
"Meaning?"
"You know what it means."
"He doesn't hit me, Dad. I wouldn't put up with that."
"If it ever comes to that, you better head here first…because this is where the problem will end, because I'll kill him," Frank said firmly. "If I find out he's having an affair, I'll kill him. If I find out he's doing anything I don't like that's negatively impacting my daughter and granddaughter, I'll kill him. Maybe you should mention that…he might find his way home more often."
She managed a small smile. "I don't think he'd like it if I told him that."
"Then I'll refresh his memory the next time I have a few moments alone with him," Frank said before wiping the serious look off his face as Katie carried some of the smaller gifts into the room with Naomi on her heels with the others.
Johanna pasted a smile on her face as well as her daughter returned to her side, putting the boxes in front of her on the table. Her heart ached a little, wishing Jim was there…wishing that things didn't seem so dire…wishing that she didn't feel like her life was falling apart. She hoped birthday wishes came true…because she just wanted her husband back; it was the only gift she needed.
Johanna paced the living room that evening as she waited for Jim to come home and take her to dinner. She smoothed a hand over the skirt of the new dress she had bought that afternoon after she and Katie had left her mother's house. It was a black silk cocktail dress with a black lace overlay that held a design of small flowers of silver thread. It had cap sleeves and was made to look snug against the curves of her body…and a part of her hated to admit it but she had chosen it in hopes that it might entice her husband and keep his attention for longer than the span of their meal. She thought it was a pretty dress…Katie had given her seal of approval, saying that she looked as pretty as her brown-haired Barbie. She smiled a little; she wasn't fashion doll pretty but she appreciated the sentiment just the same…after all compliments were few and far between lately.
She breathed deeply and exhaled slowly, her head dipping to the shiny new black heels on her feet. She hadn't really needed new shoes but she had bought them anyway considering them a birthday gift to herself. She always felt better when she had a new pair of shoes…but the indulgence hadn't brought the cure that it usually did. Johanna sighed and glanced at her dress coat lying over the back of the recliner; Katie's heart shaped pin proudly displayed on it. "Come on, Jim," she murmured as she forced herself to sit down and check her clutch for the third time to be sure she had everything. Wallet, keys, lipstick and compact were all accounted for as she knew they would be and she closed the small handbag and laid it back down on the coffee table, doing her best to ignore the silence. She hated silence. After their small shopping spree at Macy's, she had brought Katie home and got her things together and then took her over to Frankie's and dropped her off for her much anticipated sleepover with Claire. Her daughter had kissed her goodbye and waved her off without issue, more interested in her cousins than her mother's plans to go out without her for the evening. She was glad for that…sometimes it wasn't that easy…sometimes her daughter wanted to go too.
Johanna got to her feet once again and went to the door, pulling back the curtain on the window to look outside. She had been home since four…giving herself plenty of time to bath, shave legs and wash hair so that she'd be through in the bathroom long before her husband was expected home. She had done her hair, put on her makeup and dressed…she had been ready at five thirty. A glance at her watch showed that it was now six-eighteen and there was no sign of her husband. He hadn't called to say he'd be delayed…he was supposed to make the reservations for seven. Where was he? Had something happened to him? Her stomach dipped at the thought as she forced herself back to the living room to sit down. Surely he was fine…he had probably just been delayed…he was on his way. They could make it if they hurried…they'd be pushing it but they could make it…if traffic was on their side…and being that it was Saturday night, traffic probably wouldn't be on their side.
She sighed softly; worry gnawing at her as she thought that maybe something had happened; maybe the car had an issue or he had misplaced his keys…maybe he had fallen asleep in his office. She closed her eyes for a moment, telling herself not to panic; if something was wrong, someone would've called…right? Johanna blew out a breath and grabbed the phone, dialing his office number and listening to it ring until finally the answering machine picked up. He wasn't there…that had to mean he was on his way, didn't it?
Johanna glanced at her watch once again; six-twenty-two…he was coming…he had to be. He wasn't going to let her down again today, was he? He hadn't forgotten their plans…he had to be on his way. But deep inside she had her doubts, hurt, disappointment and fury slowly beginning to build within her.
She wasn't going to be stood up on her birthday, was she? Jim wouldn't do that to her…would he?
…to be continued