Meant to Be

by kayleegshepherd

What if Lexie and Mark were not hurt quite so badly in the plane crash? What if we knew everything that happened during those four days in the woods and the months afterwards? This is the story of the Seattle Grace Six, their trauma, and recovery. PTSD trigger warning. MerDer, eventual Slexie. (Don't like angst, don't read. My first published fic!)

24. The Lucky One

Author's Note- Hi, guys! I am hopefully going to start cranking out these updates more regularly now that the most technically difficult chapter is out of the way. Thank you all for not absolutely murdering me for what happened last week. Trust me when I say that that chapter was just as hard, if not harder for me to write than it was for you to read because I love Lexie (and Slexie) SO MUCH.

I hope you enjoy this next chapter! It will start to get a little bit into the plane crash lawsuit storyline and give you an update on Meredith and Derek's mental state. It is told entirely from Meredith's POV.

Oh, and as always… I do not own Grey's Anatomy. If I did, things would be going a lot differently in the current show.

Whenever Meredith was at home, the only place that she wanted to be was at the hospital. Regardless of the trauma she had sustained there, the hospital was where Meredith felt most herself. It was familiar. Comforting. To put it simply, when Meredith was at Seattle Grace, she knew that she was safe. The medical center was her sanctuary.

Ever since an EEG machine showed minimal activity in Lexie's brain, though, the last place on earth that Meredith desired to go was Seattle Grace. She did not want to be around Thatcher or Molly who were constant, blubbering messes. She had no wish to face the hundreds of pairs of eyes that followed her at all times. Most importantly, Meredith did not want to have anything to do with Dr. Katherine Wyatt of psychiatry and Meredith swore to herself that after today, she was going to stay away from the cursed hospital as long as possible.

Visiting Seattle Grace today, however, was mandatory. Derek had two appointments, one with Dr. Schacter and another with Dr. Rehmani, a psychiatrist. Meredith needed to talk with Owen about getting her job back once she was fully recovered from the plane crash and hopefully, she would also get to see Cristina.

In the morning, after Meredith had showered, gotten Zola up, and fed her daughter breakfast, Alex arrived. He had been at the hospital all night and in that time, likely heard about Lexie's condition but to his everlasting credit, did not mention anything about his ex-girlfriend. He helped load Zola into her carseat and playfully asked Derek when he was going to be able to drive again.

"I'm probably closer to driving than Derek," Meredith said. "I'll talk to Dr. Wyatt today and see if I can get cleared."

"Yeah, I still have to get a new license and everything," Derek said. "And God knows what kind of drugs Rehmani is going to put me on…"

Meredith turned around in her seat; Derek and Zola were perched in the back, together. "You aren't really having too much anxiety or anything, are you? I mean, you said you don't remember most of the plane crash."

"I know, but I know that it happened and that's… enough by itself," Derek said.

"Yeah, Rehmani will probably put you on something," Alex agreed. "Wyatt is usually more conservative when it comes to scripts and even she gave Mer some nice stuff. What was it, Trazodone? Clonazepam?"

"Um, yeah… but that was mostly just to hold me over until Derek got discharged," Meredith said and prayed that no one cited this conversation to Wyatt herself.

Derek's therapy appointment was first so upon arrival at Seattle Grace, once Zola had been deposited at daycare, everyone headed up to the fifth floor. Derek stopped at Rehmani's office. Meredith continued down the hall and knocked on the door outside of Wyatt's quarters.

Part of Meredith hoped that her shrink was meeting with another patient, but there was no such luck. Wyatt immediately opened her door. "Meredith! What a surprise… I was wondering where you were last week."

"Yeah, I'm sorry but my husband got discharged and we were just really busy," Meredith said. "I know you're probably really busy, too, but Derek had an appointment with Rehmani and I just thought I would stop by and let you know what's going on…"

"No, please… come in. I actually had a last-minute cancellation so I have the next hour completely free. Your timing is impeccable."

What a coincidence, Meredith thought to herself. She stepped inside Wyatt's office and took a seat on the familiar couch.

Wyatt grabbed the appropriate chart and positioned herself across from her patient, in a chair. "Alright, Meredith. So tell me how you've been feeling this week."

"Um… I've been okay. Derek's home now so I feel like that's really lessened my anxiety."

"Well, that's good to hear but from what I remember, you didn't seem to be experiencing that much anxiety in the first place," Wyatt said.

Meredith shrugged. "I guess not but I did miss my husband."

"I'm sure you did. Now, forgive me for jumping straight into this, Meredith but as an employee at this hospital, as much as I try to ignore the gossip, I do hear things. According to some of my colleagues, your sister, Lexie was supposed to wake up from her medically-induced coma yesterday, correct?"

What in the world makes you think that I would want to talk about this? Meredith thought yet she did not voice her opinions aloud. She stared at the floor and said, "Yeah, but… that didn't happen."

"Can you tell me what did happen?" Wyatt asked.

"Yeah, we waited for a long time. And then Lexie's blood pressure went up and she had a seizure so they did a CT. It turned out that she was having a stroke… it was an intracerebral hemorrhage. Dr. Nelson stopped the bleed and everything went well but… but there's minimal activity in Lexie's brain."

Wyatt nodded slowly. "How does that make you feel?"

I don't know, Meredith thought. That's the truth… I don't even have a clue in hell how I feel about anything.

"I mean, obviously I'm worried," Meredith said. "Lexie's my sister but she's survived a lot already. She's strong. I'm not giving up hope. Minimal brain activity is better than nothing."

"That's true," Wyatt said but she was smirking.

"What?"

"Nothing. I'm just not used to Meredith Grey being an optimist."

Meredith pushed a smile onto her face and laughed. "I guess that's the effect that you've had on me! You and Derek… he levels out my tendency to be… I don't know, dark and twisty."

"How is Derek doing through all of this? He was injured worse; I'm sure he's struggling," Wyatt said.

"Actually, he doesn't really seem to be. He was hurt worse but because of that, he was really out of it most of the time in the woods so he doesn't remember that much from the plane crash itself. And his injuries are getting better. He's going to have one or two more surgeries with Schacter and… oh, did I tell you? We emailed Harvard last night. We're officially staying in Seattle."

Wyatt raised her eyebrows, clearly taken aback by Meredith's sudden burst of information. "Really? That's interesting. What played into that decision?"

"I mean, to be honest, I've wanted to stay in Seattle this whole time," Meredith confessed. "My friends and family are all here and I know Brigham is a great program but… I don't know; I feel like I owe something to Richard and Bailey and the other surgeons who helped train me. I understand why Derek wanted to go to Boston, too, but after everything that happened… I think he understands my point. We just decided that now isn't the right time to pick up and run across the country. Maybe we'll move after my fellowship is over or something."

"Well, I have to say that I applaud you when it comes to that," Wyatt smiled. "I know that you have endured some hard times here in Seattle but you aren't going to fix anything by running away from those problems, figuratively or literally. I'm glad to hear that you'll be sticking around here with us."

Meredith nodded proudly, as if that was the reason she had opted to stay in Seattle… to face her problems and be mentally healthy. "Exactly. I know that's what Cristina wants to do… she said she's getting away from Seattle Grace Mercy Death and never looking back but that's just stupid. This place has given us so much."

"Seattle Grace Mercy Death… I have to say, I like that one," Wyatt chuckled. "Is that a reference to the shooting?"

"The shooting, the bomb threat, the plane crash… our friend, George got hit by a bus and died. I almost drowned intern year. There's been a lot of crap."

"You've been through more trauma in your 34 years than most people endure in their lifetime," Wyatt acknowledged. "Looking back on everything that's happened to you… how does that make you feel?"

Meredith paused, and pretended to consider things deeply. "I mean… lucky, to be honest."

"Lucky? How so?"

"I don't know, I mean… yes, I've been through a lot and it definitely hasn't been easy but I've survived," Meredith said. "I would much rather go through five traumatic events and come out the other side alive then go through one crisis and ultimately lose my life. That's what happened to a lot of people in the shooting. They never even had the opportunity to heal from their trauma because they were dead. I'm here. My husband is not a widower. My daughter still has both of her parents. I think I'm… incredibly lucky."

There was another intermission. Wyatt wrote down something in her legal pad and then looked up at her patient and tilted her head to one side, sadly. "That's an interesting perspective."

"Thank you," Meredith grinned.

"No, I didn't say that it was a good perspective or a healthy one. I said that it was interesting," Wyatt corrected her. "And to be honest, Meredith… I've tried to weasel around whatever coping mechanism you're using but everything you have told me thus far in your two sessions has been a load of crap."

Meredith's grin vanished. "I… excuse me?!"

"This performance you're putting on… the one where you're pretending to be unfazed by a plane crash that very nearly killed you and your loved ones… it's crap. It's not convincing, especially not to me, and truthfully, it's a little insulting that you even believed that I would fall for it."

"I am not putting on any damn performance," Meredith said, her chest heaving with anxiety and anger. "And who the hell are you to sit here and judge me?! You don't know what I've been through. You weren't there. Isn't it possible that after a bomb threat and a drowning and a bus crash and a shooting, that a plane crash where no one died just didn't faze me that much?! We survived! I'm grateful!"

Wyatt pursed her lips. "No one died? I thought your sister, Lexie was virtually braindead in the ICU."

"No, Lexie is going to be fine! I already told you that I'm not giving up hope," Meredith said.

"Okay, well if it's not about Lexie then what are you feeling, Meredith?!" Wyatt snapped. "Because trust me, whether you want to believe it or not, you are feeling something. You survived a plane crash. You watched your loved ones suffer and almost die. You have emotions about this and I mean something other than feeling grateful."

Meredith shook her head and stood up. "I'm done here. You're supposed to be my therapist. You're supposed to believe me and instead, you're just yelling at me. I want a new shrink."

"No, you want to pretend like this never happened, Meredith and that's fine, but sooner or later, these emotions that you're keeping inside are going to catch up with you. You're going to get hurt, seriously."

"No, I'm not. I'm not suicidal or homicidal or anything like that," Meredith said. "Now, I'm leaving, unless you wanted to threaten me some more."

Meredith had already turned around, prepared to pace out of the psychiatrist's office when Wyatt said it: "No, I really don't see how I'm threatening you but if you don't mind, I would like to talk about the scripts for Trazodone and Clonazepam that were processed in the hospital pharmacy for you last week."

Meredith froze. She had not planned for this. She should have come up with some excuses but her mind had been preoccupied and now, Meredith was biting her lip, demanding her brain to think fast. "I… I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, I think you do," Wyatt said. "Or, if you need help, we could page Dr. April Kepner up here and see if she has a better recollection."

"I didn't do anything illegal," Meredith argued. "April's a doctor; she's allowed to write scripts. So what if she… she noticed I was feeling a little anxious without Derek?"

"April is not your doctor," Wyatt said. "Please, Meredith; I don't really have to explain this to you, do I? There are problems all over the country, all over the world with doctors writing prescriptions for one another. It's why so many physicians today are becoming addicted to opioids and benzodiazepines."

Her arms crossed in front of her, Meredith sighed. "Okay, fine. What do you want me to say? That I did something wrong? Maybe it's wrong, morally or ethically, but it's not illegal. You're sworn by HIPAA to keep my personal information private. What are you going to do?"

"Well, my preference would be for you to talk to me about all this. If you felt the need for clonazepam in the first place, you're obviously feeling more anxiety than you originally let on. Talk to me and tell me about what you're feeling. If you can't do that, though, Meredith… I don't know. I'm not going to put either you or April Kepner at risk by reporting your actions. I may just have to make a phone call or two and keep you here for a few days if I believe you are a harm to yourself."

"I told you, I'm not suicidal," Meredith insisted. "Why are you so against psych meds anyway? You're a psychiatrist!"

"Yes, I am well aware of that fact and I am not opposed to psych meds when they are taken responsibly," Wyatt explained. "What I am opposed to is… is the idea of someone suppressing their anxiety and trauma with medication and not taking any steps to heal from it."

"And what makes you think I'm doing that?"

Wyatt stared at her client in just the way that made Meredith cower. "Again, Meredith… please. Do I really have to explain? You're telling me that you have no anxiety. You're cheerful and optimistic when your sister had a stroke last night. None of that is natural."

"Maybe it is natural for me," Meredith said but Wyatt did not budge. "Okay, fine… you don't want me to get my clonazepam from April Kepner anymore. You won't give me anything. You don't believe what I'm telling you. What are my options here?"

"I will give you a small amount of clonazepam… just enough for you to taper yourself off of the medication without risking your own health. After that, though… if you want to be a surgeon again and take that fellowship here at Seattle Grace, you are going to have to start talking."

It was ridiculous and unprofessional. Wyatt was flat-out abusing her power and Meredith was not going to tolerate it any longer. "Yeah, last I checked, you're not the Chief of Surgery. That's not your decision to make."

She did not wait for her therapist to answer. Meredith spun around, marched out of Wyatt's office, and then ran down the hall to the inpatient ward. She stopped at the front desk.

"Excuse me… um, I'm not sure when visiting hours are but I'm a doctor here. My name is Dr. Meredith Grey and I believe that my friend was recently transferred up here. Is there any way I could see her?"

Apparently the plane crash sympathy was still in effect. The tech working the front desk, Jessie according to her nametag, smiled sweetly. "Of course, Dr. Grey! What is your friend's name?"

"Her name is Cristina Yang… Dr. Cristina Yang," Meredith said and Jessie flipped through the pages of a big binder and then got on the phone and called back to several psychiatric units.

Several minutes later, Jessie hung-up and faced Meredith. "I'm sorry but there is not currently a patient by that name on our census."

"Are you sure?" Meredith asked. "Because I'm almost positive she was transferred here yesterday. Cristina is spelt differently than most people think; it's C-R-I-S-T-I-N-A."

"Yes, I know who you're talking about, Dr. Grey and Dr. Yang is not a psychiatric patient at this time. I'm sorry but I don't have anymore information," Jessie said.

It was beyond confusing. Meredith thanked Jessie for her time and then trudged back down the hallway to the outpatient offices. Derek was still in his session with Rehmani so in the meantime, Meredith went into a bathroom, scrolled on her phone, and swallowed her last remaining clonazepam to calm her nerves. She had no idea how she was going to get cleared for surgery. Wyatt was out to get her and Meredith could not speak about what happened in the woods. If she did… she would be a complete and utter mess. She would not feel better. Meredith would have a meltdown if she thought about those memories and that would hurt Derek's recovery.

Approximately fifteen minutes passed with Meredith hiding in the bathroom and then she received a text from Derek that read: I'm finished with Rehmani. I'll be waiting outside whenever you're finished with Wyatt.

Quickly, Meredith touched up her make-up in the mirror and then walked outside, upbeat and cheerful. "Hey, sorry! I finished early with Wyatt because she had another patient coming in and I went down to see Cristina but she… hey, what's wrong?"

The expression on Derek's face halted Meredith mid-sentence. It was one that she had not seen since the aftermath of the shooting, two years ago. Derek was defeated, emotional, and the glazed look in his piercing blue eyes suggested that he was trying not to cry.

"Nothing, I'm fine," Derek choked out.

"Um… no, you're not. Come on, you hate it when I say I'm fine all the time. What's going on?" Meredith pressed. She sat down on the small bench next to her husband and grasped his good hand in her own.

Derek swallowed hard. "I… I don't know. That was my first real time in therapy… I mean, I went after the shooting but that was a joke and… it was just… tough."

Still holding Derek tightly, Meredith used her other hand to reach up and stroke his hair, softly. "I know… I know it can be brutal. I'm sorry, I… what can I do?"

"N-Nothing, I… I'm fine," Derek repeated but now tears were spilling over his lashes, cascading down his cheeks.

"Oh, baby," Meredith sighed; she let Derek lean his head onto her shoulder where he quivered with silent sobs. They were not usually the type of couple that called each other pet names like sweetie, honey, or baby but this was an exception, and Meredith had no idea what to do as she sat there with McDreamy crying on her shirt.

What did Derek do when Meredith was the one in tears? Hold her? Meredith was doing that already. She adjusted herself slightly, though, and wrapped her arms around Derek tighter. She ran her fingers through his raven-colored locks and rubbed his back.

"Shh, you're okay… you're okay," Meredith said; that was what Derek always told her. "I'm right here…"

Five minutes later, Derek's breathing calmed yet he kept his head where it was, pushed against Meredith's shoulder. He was probably embarrassed. Meredith had only seen Derek cry a couple times and it was all in a span of a few weeks, right after the shooting. It was when the nightmares and other PTSD symptoms were at their worst.

"Are you okay?" Meredith whispered, continuing to stroke her husband's back.

Derek nodded shortly yet did not lift his head.

"Do you want to talk about it? I mean, I know you just did with Rehmani but do you want to talk about it with me?"

Derek shook his head and sniffled. "N-Not… right now. M-Maybe… maybe later."

"Okay," Meredith said. "I have some tissues in my purse if you want to sit up…"

Gradually, Derek raised his head although he did keep his face down and turned towards the wall so no one passing by would glimpse his red eyes or wet cheeks. Meredith tore through her purse hastily for her packet of tissues and then handed them to Derek who wiped his face and blew his nose.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I know this… this isn't fair, not when you're g-going through everything with… w-with Lexie…"

"Don't you dare apologize. You're fine. Everything is fine. I'm right here, okay?" Meredith lifted Derek's chip up, gently, and leaned forwards to kiss his lips. They tasted salty from the tears.

"T-That makes it all better."

"I know. That always makes it better for me, too," Meredith said. She stood up and then helped Derek up as well. "I think we both need a break, mentally and emotionally. Do you want to go grab some lunch and then see if we can find Owen?"

"What about Cristina? Isn't she up here somewhere?"

"I thought so, but when my session with Wyatt got out early, I went over there and they said she wasn't a patient. Maybe Owen talked them out of the transfer."

"Okay, so… lunch and then Owen? P-Personally, I… I'm not very hungry," Derek said.

Meredith was not hungry either; she had not been hungry for weeks but she was better at dishing out advice than she was at following that advice herself. "I know, but you need to try and eat something. Come on, we'll… we'll walk across the street and go to one of the restaurants over there. Trust me, you don't want to go anywhere near that cafeteria."

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A few doors down from the Emerald City Bar, a Panera Bread had recently opened. The popular restaurant was not entirely healthy, but they did have simple, nutritious foods that gave off a comforting vibe so that was where Meredith and Derek headed after finishing up on the psychiatric floor.

"Go ahead and sit down; I'll order our food and bring it to you," Meredith said when they arrived. "Is there anything in particular that sounds good?"

Derek shook his head yet did as he was told and found a small table at which to sit. Meredith, meanwhile, ordered a fancy salad with chicken for herself and a bowl of broccoli cheddar soup for Derek. One of the Panera employees recognized Meredith from the news and volunteered to bring their food to the table so she quietly accepted the offer and joined Derek, two cups of ice water in her hands.

"Here's some water… I got you broccoli cheddar soup; I hope that's okay."

"That's fine," Derek said and took a sip of his drink. "I really am sorry for… before. I don't know what happened."

"I told you… I don't want to hear any apologies. You don't have to know what happened. Therapy just does that to you sometimes."

"Did that happen to you, too, with Wyatt?"

Meredith shrugged, staring at the table. "Not so much this time but it has in the past. Remember when I was in therapy during my second year?"

"When you got all whole and healed?"

"Yeah… I had some serious breakdowns."

"About what?"

"About… you," Meredith admitted and she felt herself blush. "And about my mom… about how she slit her wrists with a scalpel on the kitchen floor and told me not to call 911 as she bled to death."

Derek's face had gone pale. "...What?"

"Oh, did I never tell you about that?" Meredith said, nonchalantly. "Yeah, it was after Richard decided to stay with Adele. It was a cry for attention more than anything else; I realized that during therapy. If she really wanted to kill herself, all she would have had to do is cut her carotid. But yeah… she told me not to call 911 and slit her wrists. I watched her bleed until she passed out and then called an ambulance."

"Oh my God," Derek said. "How old were you?"

"I had just turned five."

"And… and you don't feel… like that at all, right?" Derek clarified; he looked quite uncomfortable.

It was an awkward conversation, especially following the topics discussed with Wyatt. Meredith smirked. "I… no, I'm not suicidal if that's what you're asking."

"Not like you were during your intern year?"

"I wasn't suicidal then either," Meredith said, unsure whether or not she was fibbing. She had not gone into Elliott Bay on purpose but she had stopped fighting once she was in the water.

One way or another, she changed the subject. "What about you? You're not suicidal, right?"

"Really, Meredith?"

"I mean, I wouldn't expect it but we were in a plane crash and you just sobbed onto my shoulder on the psych floor. I don't know what to think anymore."

"Fair point, but I'm not suicidal," Derek promised. "And actually… everything I talked about with Dr. Rehmani… it didn't really have to do with the plane crash."

Their confessions were briefly halted; the Panera employee had arrived with their food. Meredith thanked the young woman, took a big bite of her salad to encourage Derek to eat, and then looked up again, curious. "Really? Then what did you talk about?"

"Other stuff," Derek said and ate a spoonful of his soup. "The shooting… my dad…"

It was like someone had smashed a brick through Meredith's chest. She had completely forgotten about Derek's father. It was wrong and she knew that but there had been a lot of other trauma and Derek never appeared that upset about it. Sure, he had nightmares after the shooting. But that was understandable. Derek had been shot, himself. Meredith had no idea that his father's murder still affected Derek so much and hearing the pain in his voice was unbearable.

She tried to speak, to comfort him, yet all that came out was, "Oh…"

"Yeah…"

"That's why you were crying?"

"Not exactly… I don't know; maybe that was part of it."

Meredith wanted to ask more; she wanted to pry for information. Derek was being exceptionally quiet, though, and Meredith got the impression that he did not want to talk about it anymore.

"Okay, well… whenever you're ready, I'm here," Meredith said.

"Thank you," Derek replied; he smiled, sadly. "Let's talk about you, now. Tell me what you're feeling."

"I'm feeling… hungry," Meredith lied and stuffed another huge bite of salad in her mouth. "You need to eat, too."

"I'm eating," Derek said; he swallowed an additional spoonful of soup.

"Okay, well… I'll keep talking as long as you keep eating," Meredith said.

"Deal."

"Okay, um… well, Dr. Wyatt and I talked about Lexie, some… I told her the truth, that I'm scared but that I know Lexie is strong and she at least stands a chance. I told her that we were officially staying in Seattle, as long as Owen hires me back and that I don't think it's a good idea to run away from the trauma we've faced…"

Meredith's speech lasted approximately ten minutes and in that time span, Derek managed to consume half of his soup. It was good enough for now; the couple boxed up the rest of their food and then walked back over to Seattle Grace with forty-five minutes to spare before Derek's appointment with Schacter.

Locating Owen did not take long. Meredith and Derek found him right away, talking with Bailey in the hospital lobby.

"Hey, do you have a minute?" Meredith asked, interrupting their conversation.

"Well, excuse you, Dr. Grey," Bailey teased; Owen ignored her.

"Meredith… Derek… yes, of course. I was actually looking for the two of you; I wasn't sure if you were going to be up here today."

The trio of doctors filed into a neighboring conference room and sat down. Meredith dove right into her dilemma: "Okay, so… I know I told you before that we were moving to Boston, that I was taking the fellowship at Brigham. With everything that happened, though… I don't think Derek or I were really hoping to move across the country right now. I know this is really late notice but is there any way you would be willing to hire me as a general surgery fellow?"

Any doubt that had previously filled Meredith's mind instantly washed away at the expression on Owen's face. "Hold on… you're being serious? You want to stay in Seattle?"

"We… actually already contacted Harvard last night. We know that we should have spoken to you about this first but yesterday was… tough, as you know," Derek said.

"So you're willing to stay on as my Chief of Neurosurgery, too?" Owen's face was growing considerably brighter.

"Well, as long as everything goes okay with my hand and its recovery, then yes, I would be thrilled to resume my post as Chief of Neurosurgery," Derek said. "But we still have a ways to go before that… if nothing else, I would be willing to lecture, maybe practice some neurology."

"And I mean, we wouldn't be able to start right away… it hasn't even been a month since the crash," Meredith added.

It did not appear that Owen cared. "Absolutely… yes, you're hired… both of you. Don't worry about a start date. Whenever you're ready is fine with me."

"Thank you so much, Dr. Hunt. Truly, I… I appreciate your confidence in me."

"Well, you have proven yourself to be an extremely talented young surgeon, Meredith and we already know you are capable of overcoming trauma. I have no doubt that you will be a fantastic addition to our fellowship program."

"And I'll be around to babysit, if nothing else," Derek smiled.

"Your skills are invaluable, Derek," Owen said. "Whether you are operating, teaching, consulting, lecturing… you are always welcome at Seattle Grace. I hope you know that."

"Thanks, Rambo."

Owen sighed. "Okay, well… both of you can stop by HR anytime within the next week. They'll register you as employees and make you some new badges. In the meantime, it would be great if you could come with me up to the ICU so we can talk things over."

"Talk things over? About what, Lexie?" Meredith grimaced.

"No, I just need to speak with all of the plane crash survivors and with Arizona still in the ICU, this is the only method I could think of… Meredith, your father will stand in for Lexie and I'll represent Cristina."

"Yeah, where is Cristina?" Meredith continued. "You said you were committing her to psych. I went up to psych this morning to try and visit her and she wasn't there."

"Yes, um… that's part of what we needed to discuss," Owen said. "We actually gave Cristina an ultimatum… either start communicating verbally or go to psych. She decided to go home so… that's where she is right now."

It took a few seconds for Owen's words to register and when they did, Meredith's jaw dropped. "Hold on… Cristina got discharged?! And you left her alone by herself at home?!"

"We had… a long talk last night. I don't believe that Cristina is a danger to herself," Owen said.

"And how do you know that?" Meredith was shaking her head out of pure disbelief. "I don't think you understand just how dark and twisty Cristina and I can go."

"I second that. You need to go home right now and check on her or else Mer and I will," Derek told his boss.

"I'll go home after we meet with the other plane crash survivors," Owen said.

This did not seem like a compromise to Meredith. Derek agreed, though, and stood up to follow Owen. On the way up to the ICU, Meredith called Cristina repeatedly, yet every time, the latter's line rolled to voicemail.

"Cristina, it's me," Meredith said to the answering machine. "I just talked with Owen. Are you okay? Please call me back or else Derek and I are coming over."

Meredith was still messing around with her phone when the group rounded a corner into the ICU and almost ran directly into Thatcher and Molly.

"Meredith!" Molly exclaimed. "W-Where have you been?"

"Oh, um… I had an appointment with my therapist this morning and then…"

"And then you went on a date with your husband?" Thatcher interrupted and Meredith froze.

"Excuse me?"

"I can see the bag in your hand, you know," Thatcher said; he pointed to the leftover food from Panera that Meredith was carrying. "Your sister is up here in the ICU… she's practically braindead… and you're off, going on dates with your husband? Eating as if everything is normal?"

Derek stepped forward, which was good because Meredith had temporarily forgotten how to speak. "Excuse me, but Meredith took me to lunch because she knew I hadn't been eating well lately… not that it's any of your business."

"Yeah, come on, Dad. Leave Meredith and Derek alone," Molly said and tugged on Thatcher's arm.

Meredith caught up with her sister as soon as possible. "Is he drunk?"

"No!" Molly gasped, as if Meredith had insulted her. "No, Meredith… he's been sober for three years now. He's made his amends."

I know, but that doesn't mean he's cured, Meredith thought to herself. At one point, Richard had been sober for almost twenty years and he relapsed.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked his wife.

"I'm fine," Meredith said and rolled her eyes. "You didn't have to say anything."

"I know but I wanted to…"

A short while later, they arrived at Arizona's room and everyone piled inside. It was the first time that Meredith had seen Arizona in several weeks now. She was gaining weight and looked healthier, but based on Arizona's facial expression, she was still feeling depressed. Callie and Mark were sitting on either side of her, and there were red rims around Mark's eyes.

"Okay, do we have everybody?" Owen asked as the group settled in.

"Not everybody… my daughter was supposed to be here and she isn't here. She's down the hall, unconscious… might not ever wake-up," Thatcher moaned.

"I… of course, I'm sorry, Mr. Grey," Owen apologized. "What I meant to say is… do we have someone representing each victim of the plane crash?"

"Yes, we're representing Lexie," Molly said.

"And I know Arizona's here but… she might have a hard time remembering everything so I'm here on behalf of her, too," Callie added.

"Perfect, and I'm representing Cristina so we're good to go," Owen said. "This shouldn't take too long, but first and foremost, I did just want to express my sympathies in person for what happened to each and every one of you."

"It wasn't your fault, Rambo," Mark said.

"I know, but I am the Chief of Surgery and part of me will always feel responsible for my people. It was not right or fair what happened and let me assure you that everyone here at Seattle Grace is going to do our best to ensure you receive some sort of justice. It is not, of course, up to us to make that final decision but I highly suggest you pursue legal action against Bayview Aeronautics, especially considering the recent… setback," Owen explained and glanced in the direction of Thatcher and Molly.

The plane crash victims were silent for a moment and then Meredith looked around at everyone. "Well, we're going to sue, aren't we? I thought that's kind of been decided for a while."

"Of course we're going to sue!" Thatcher said, jumping to his feet. "Someone is responsible for this, and we can't let them get away with it! You're lucky I was too drunk to sue this hospital for the death of my wife!"

"That wasn't the hospital's fault, Dad," Meredith sighed, hating more than ever that she had to keep that promise to Lexie and call Thatcher her father. "I showed Lexie Susan's chart and I know she showed you. It was a series of freak accidents."

Owen interjected. "Anyway… back to business, people. The decision to pursue legal action has to be unanimous either way; we all need to be on the same page. Arizona?"

"We vote yes. We've already talked," Callie said.

"Alright, and Mark?"

"I mean… yeah, I think someone needs to be held accountable. Arizona's leg is screwed up, Derek and Meredith almost died… Lexie might still die. It's not something that can just be swept aside."

"I'm confident that Cristina feels the same way. Derek?"

"Yes, absolutely. Money might not change what happened but an investigation could prevent the same thing from happening again."

Owen nodded. "Alright, then… it's settled. The first step will be a meeting with a representative from Bayview Aeronautics. I will put you in touch with a physician's representative as well; we'll discuss this in a civilized manner. Like I said, we will bring this to a grand jury if needed but I'm sure Bayview would appreciate the opportunity to reimburse you privately via settlement."

"Sounds good, Chief," Mark said.

"Are we finished? Are you going to go check on Cristina now?" Meredith inquired.

"Yes, I… I'm going home now and just so everyone knows, I'm probably not going to be around too much in the next few weeks. My primary reason for coming in today, other than this meeting, was to take an official leave of absence. My wife is recovering from this accident, physically and mentally, and she needs her husband. Dr. Webber will act as Chief in the meantime," Owen said.

Meredith opened her mouth to ask more; she wondered why Owen had felt comfortable leaving Cristina alone if he was taking a leave of absence to care for her… but before she got that chance, Owen fled from Arizona's room.

Feeling overwhelmed and exhausted from her lack of sleep, Meredith turned towards Derek. "Okay, um… do you want to head over to Schacter's now?"

Derek glanced at his watch as they followed Owen out of the ICU. "We still have fifteen minutes. Let's go down to the pharmacy. I have to drop off a prescription from Rehmani so it'll be ready by the time that we're done."

"What did Rehmani give you?" Meredith asked before she could resist.

"Doxepin… it's good for anxiety and depression but it will help me sleep, too."

"Yeah, I know what Doxepin is," Meredith said and Derek chuckled.

"Right, I forgot who I was talking to… are you good on your Trazodone and Clonazepam?"

Meredith paused. She did not want to lie to Derek, but then again, she would be lying no matter which route she took. "Well, I… I guess. Wyatt said that the Clonazepam was just to hold me over until you got discharged."

"Didn't she give you a refill today, considering what happened with Lexie?"

"I… well… yes, but it was just a taper. I guess I'll go and get that filled while we're at the pharmacy, too."

Derek stopped walking, as if Meredith had confessed some shocking revelation. "I… well, I suppose that's better than nothing but… it hasn't even been a month since the plane crashed and your sister had a stroke yesterday. Wyatt should understand that your anxiety isn't gone just because I'm home."

"I… I know, but…"

"Do you want me to go up and talk with her?" Derek offered. "I can be quite convincing when needed, you know."

"Y-Yes, I know," Meredith said and hesitated. She was frantic, racking her brains for another excuse.

"Meredith," Derek said, softly. "Do you want to know what I talked about with Rehmani in therapy this morning? Besides the shooting and my dad, I mean?"

"Only if you're comfortable with telling me…"

"I… I'm not going to go into details about the shooting and my dad and everything yet. But basically, what I told Rehmani is that I'm the lucky one. I don't remember most of what happened in the woods. I feel anxious sometimes, but I don't have flashbacks like you because I don't have much to flash back to… and don't get me wrong, I love Lexie and I'm very worried about her but the people that mattered most to me on that plane… you and Mark… you're both okay.

"You remember it all. You're having flashbacks and you have loved ones still in crisis. Lexie's in a coma and Cristina's not herself and I know you're dealing with a lot taking care of me. It hurts me to know that you're in so much pain so please, let me see what I can do to help take some of that away."

Meredith was swallowing back tears, for so many reasons. She knew that Derek confronting Wyatt about clonazepam would create an awful scenario, but what was she supposed to say to a speech like that?

Slowly, Meredith leaned forward and rested her head against her husband's shoulder. She felt Derek's arm slip around her back and he murmured her name.

"I love you so much. Everything I'm dealing with… it's worth it for you," Meredith whispered and squeezed her eyes shut. "And now that you're home… I… I'm getting better. I am… I'm fine."

Derek withdrew from the embrace and tilted his head slightly to the left. "You're fine? Really fine? Or fine like you were four years ago before therapy?"

"I'm fine… really fine," Meredith promised. "Please don't worry. It's not as bad as you think. You don't remember the plane crash so you're imagining the worst case scenario. Trust me, I… I've survived worse."

"I know you have," Derek smiled, a familiar twinkle in his eye.

"And you've survived worse, too," Meredith reminded her husband. She took his good hand, squeezed it confidently, and lead him in the direction of the pharmacy. "Come on… let's go drop off your script and get you to Schacter. Everything's going to be okay."

Thank you so much for reading! I know I don't have to do these disclaimers every week but just since Meredith had another therapy session, I want to remind everyone that I know Meredith is making some questionable decisions. Let's face it, our beloved heroine has not always had the most black and white sense when it comes to right and wrong. I do not encourage anyone to take Mer's advice when it comes to dealing with their stress or trauma but like I said before, trauma changes our brains. People make mistakes. Please stick with her.

Stay tuned for another chapter soon where we will get an update on Arizona's infection and Cristina who has apparently been discharged from the hospital!

PLEASE don't forget to review! Reviews mean so much to me and let me know that you are enjoying my writing. Thank you all so much for reading. You seriously mean so much to me. Xoxo, merderpedia :)