A/N: Thanks for your reviews!
Chapter 9 – Spiraling- Part 3
"Daddy, when am I going to get my pony?" Katie asked, obediently holding his hand as they walked through Macy's.
"We have to find some presents for Mommy first and then we'll go to the toy store and get your pony," Jim replied.
"What are we going to get for Mommy?" she asked.
"I don't know," he admitted as they made their way to the jewelry counter. "Let's see if we can find something pretty here."
"What about this?" Katie said; pointing to a diamond ring in the case.
"She already has a diamond ring," Jim replied. "Let's look in this other case; this jewelry is Mommy's birthstone."
"It's pretty purple," she said, gazing into the case.
"That's right; it's purple…it's called amethyst," he told her. "Do you think Mommy would like earrings?"
"Grandma got her earrings."
"What kind?"
"Sparkly kind."
That could be almost anything, Jim mused; probably best to skip the earrings. "What about this bracelet?"
Katie shrugged and he frowned; this wasn't going to be easy. "Maybe a ring?" he asked.
"I don't see a ring, Daddy."
Jim picked her up and pointed to the ring in the case; an amethyst stone set on a white gold band, two small diamonds on either side of it. "Do you think Mommy would like that ring?"
"Yeah; that's pretty," his daughter replied.
"Okay, that will be one of Mommy's presents," he said, motioning the salesgirl forward before sitting his daughter down.
He told the salesgirl what he wanted as Katie drifted away, looking into the jewelry cases. "Stay where I can see you, Katie," he told her.
"Mommy would like this, Daddy!" she exclaimed, pointing her small finger against the glass.
"What is it?" he asked as he moved toward her while the salesgirl got the ring ready.
"That," she said pointing to a necklace that held a ruby heart.
It looked a bit gaudy and Jim shook his head. "No, I don't think she would."
"Uh huh," his daughter said stubbornly.
"No, honey; I don't think Mommy would wear that."
"Yes, she would! I will buy it for her."
"You don't have any money," he laughed.
"Mommy will like that!" she exclaimed.
"Katie; Mommy doesn't wear things like that…that heart is a little big."
She frowned. "Maybe she don't wear it cause she don't got none."
She had a point there, Jim couldn't help but think…but he didn't think Johanna would like it. Of course he had been wrong before. "Alright, Katie; you can get it for Mommy for Valentine's Day," he relented.
"Thank you, Daddy!"
"You're welcome…make sure you tell her that picked it out."
"I will!"
"I'll take that heart necklace too," Jim said to the salesgirl as he caught her eye. "And that pair of ruby earrings…may as well get my Valentine shopping done while we're here."
"I'll wrap them up for you, sir," the salesgirl replied.
"Thanks," he said; thinking about the hit his credit card was about to take.
"Daddy."
"What?"
"What do I get for Valentine's Day?" his daughter asked.
He smiled; his daughter wasn't about to be left out of the gift giving. "How about instead of just the one My Little Pony, you can get two."
Her eyes lit up and she hugged his leg. "I like that!"
"Okay; it's a deal then," he said, patting her head. "Two ponies for my Princess."
The salesgirl returned with his bag and he handed over his credit card to pay for the purchases. "What else should we get Mommy?" Jim asked once he had his card back in his wallet and his daughter's hand in his while he held tightly to the bag of jewelry.
"I don't know," Katie replied.
"What did you give her?"
"Pretty gloves and a cup with her name on it; she's taking it to work cause she needs it there and I got her a book and a pretty pin for on her coat."
Jim nodded. "What did Grandma get her?"
"Pretty earrings and clothes and Grandpa gave her a shiny pen that has her name on it," Katie replied.
"You and Grandma didn't leave me much to work with," he remarked. "Did Mommy get any other presents?"
"Uh huh; Nona gave her a pretty jewelry box."
"She already has a jewelry box."
"Nona gave her a little jewelry box; Mommy says it's just for rings."
"Oh, okay…any other presents?"
"Aunt Valerie gave Mommy a picture for office that Mommy liked when she and Aunt Valerie went to see pictures at a place called a gallery."
"When did Mommy and Valerie go to a gallery?"
Katie shrugged. "When me and Claire and Greg played at Grandma's house with Grandpa cause Grandma went too."
"Grandpa watched you and your cousins?"
"Uh huh; it was fun. Grandpa ordered pizza and we built buildings with blocks and played cars and watched TV."
"Huh," Jim said, wondering when all of that had happened. He hadn't been aware of that tidbit that was for sure.
"Aunt Colleen gave Mommy a big thing of all her favorite makeup and new makeup brushes. Mommy really liked that!" Katie said. "It had a pretty makeup bag too."
"Definitely not much left for Daddy," Jim muttered. "Any other gifts?"
"Aunt Maggie gave Mommy a tificate to get her nails done."
"You mean a gift certificate?"
"Yeah. Mommy said I can go with her and maybe they will paint my nails too."
"That will be fun for you," Jim replied. "Anything else?"
"Aunt Sharon gave her a tificate for Macy's."
"A gift certificate for Macy's," Jim repeated. "Damn."
"What's wrong, Daddy? You getting sad again?" she asked as she looked up at him.
"No, Princess; I just don't know what to get Mommy besides her ring. I have to get her some other things. Don't you know anything that Mommy wants?"
"She wants you to come home at dinner time," Katie stated.
Jim closed his eyes and sighed deeply. "I know...but I meant something that we can buy her."
"I don't know."
"You have to know something," he replied as he pulled her aside and stooped down in front of her. "Mommy talks to you a lot, doesn't she?"
She nodded. "Mommy tells me lots of things."
"Okay, then what has she said that she wants? Is there anything she said she wants? Something that broke and now she needs a new one? Anything? You have to know something, honey."
Katie's face scrunched up as she thought about it. "Mommy's briefcase is breaking," she remarked. "She said the handle is starting to break and she will need a new one."
"Good girl!" Jim said with a smile as he got to his feet. "Let's go pick out a new briefcase for Mommy; that one she has is old, she's been using it since she finished law school."
"Can we get her a pretty one?"
"We'll get her the best one they have," he remarked as he picked up his daughter and carried her so that he could move through the store faster. Finally he found the briefcases and he and Katie moved down the aisle to the more expensive brands. His eye caught on a black leather Coach briefcase with gold accents and he was drawn toward it. "What about this one, Katie? Do you think Mommy would like it? It's one of the best ones they have."
"I think Mommy will like that; it will match her coat."
Jim nodded. "That's true, her coat is black…let's get her this one, okay?"
"Okay, Daddy."
"What else can we get her?" he asked. "Has Mommy mentioned anything else?"
"Mommy likes shoes."
"Mommy has enough shoes."
"Mommy says you can't ever have too many."
"She's wrong," Jim replied. "Besides, I think she bought herself a new pair yesterday."
"She did when she bought her pretty dress," Katie replied. "Did you like Mommy's dress? She said she hoped you would like it."
"Of course I liked it," he told her; although in reality he hadn't paid much attention to it given the fact that he and Johanna had been yelling at each other.
"That's the other dress Mommy liked," Katie said, pointing at a navy blue cocktail dress.
Jim sat Katie on her feet and took her hand, moving toward the rack to find Johanna's size. "I think we'll get it for her so she'll have a new dress to wear when I take her someplace nice next weekend."
"Do I get to go?"
"No."
"Why not?" his daughter asked.
"Because sometimes Mommy and Daddy need to just go together…but we'll think about you the whole time," he replied.
"Can I sleep at Claire's house?"
"We'll see, honey," he said as he found Johanna's size. "You're sure Mommy liked this dress?"
"Uh huh; she liked it a lot."
"Okay then," he said; draping it over his arm and retaking Katie's hand. "Let's see what else we can find."
They moved through the store; collecting a pair of purple silk pajamas and a black sweater that he knew she'd like, either to wear to work or just at home. Figuring he had exhausted all avenues of search at Macy's; he paid for the things he had bought and they made their way back to the car. He put their gifts in the trunk and then buckled Katie in the backseat again. "Let's go to the bookstore and get Mommy a few books," he said.
"Me too!" his daughter declared.
"Of course you'll get a book too," he remarked knowing very well that his child needed a new storybook every time she was near a bookstore. "After we're finished there, we'll go to the toy store and then we'll go get some flowers and rent some movies…we'll stop at Grammy's house to wrap the presents and order some food to have delivered. Does that sound good?"
"Yeah; that sounds good," Katie agreed. "Mommy will feel better."
"I hope so," Jim said quietly. "I really hope so."
Jim watched Katie as she ran down the aisle ahead of him at the toy store in search of her much loved ponies. He lagged behind, feeling the weight on his shoulders that came from guilt and frustration…the need to make things somewhat better so that his wife would stop pondering the topic of divorce. For a moment he wished he could stop and have a drink but he shook off that thought. He couldn't do that when he had Katie with him. He couldn't do it when he promised Johanna he wouldn't go out and drink. He couldn't do it when he had so many things to do today.
So far in the gift scheme of things he had gotten Johanna the things they had chosen in Macy's and they had stopped at a bookstore and got her a few books as well…and two storybooks for Katie. They had rented movies. They were picking up Katie's promised toy and then they'd pick up a new bouquet of flowers since he had found the red roses in the trash once again that morning. He'd have to stop at his mother's and have her wrap the gifts and he'd need to order dinner too so it would be on the way when they got home. He figured chicken and all the sides they liked would have to do; it had to be something Katie would like and he knew she liked chicken. He should probably stop at a bakery and grab a small cake for dessert. Birthdays always seemed to cost more when you were apologizing.
"Daddy! I found the rainbow pony!" Katie exclaimed, holding up the box for him to see.
"That's a nice pony," he replied as he joined her. "Which other one do you want?"
Katie scanned the options on the shelf. "This one," she said, selecting a mint green pony.
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Yeah," she replied, her eyes scanning the shelves; widening when she caught sight of something. "Daddy! Look! It's a stable!" she exclaimed, pointing at the box. "Can I have it please?!"
"I build you stables with the blocks," Jim remarked.
"You're not home to build me stables, you always go away to work," Katie replied. "Please, Daddy; I need it. Mommy don't build good stables, they break. Please, Daddy; I'll be good. I won't be loud anymore."
Jim closed his eyes; who knew a four-year-old could pack so much guilt into a plea for a toy? He had yelled at her several times for being loud when in reality it had probably only seemed like she was…and now she was using her quietness as a bargaining chip. It made him feel like scum.
"Please, Daddy?" she asked softly. "I'll put my green pony back."
He sighed and checked the price of the stable, finding it reasonable. "You don't have to put your pony back," he said as he pulled the box from the shelf. The green pony and the stable are your Valentine presents. You're my Valentine."
"Thank you, Daddy!" she said, wrapping her arms around his legs. "I love you. You're my Valentine."
"I love you too, Princess," he replied. "You know that right? Even when I yell, I love you. Even when I have to work out of town, I still love you."
"I know," Katie replied; her small hand curling around his. "Do you still love Mommy?"
Another punch to the gut. "Of course I still love Mommy…did she say I don't?"
"No…but you're mean to her on the phone," his daughter replied.
Jim stooped down in front of her. "Katie,…mommies and daddies argue sometimes; it doesn't mean that they don't love each other."
"I know Mommy loves you," she stated with confidence. "Mommy loves you lots."
"And I love Mommy lots," he replied. "Sometimes we disagree and that's okay. We still love each other, okay?"
"Okay."
He gave her a small smile. "Give me a kiss, Princess."
She giggled. "Will you turn into a Prince?"
Jim laughed. "I don't know…Mommy would probably like it if I did; she probably thinks I've been a toad this weekend."
His daughter giggled once more and then gave him a kiss. "Do you think you're a prince now?"
"I don't know; we'll have to wait and see," he said as he got to his feet. "Let's go pay for your toys and then we'll go get Mommy some flowers and then go to Grammy's so we can get her presents wrapped."
"Can we get Mommy pink flowers?"
"Yes; we'll get pink ones. Maybe we should get a cake too."
"We got a cake," Katie replied. "Me and Grandma made Mommy a cake with pink roses on it. Grandma let us take the rest home."
"Oh, I guess Grandma takes care of things."
"Yep; Grandma takes care of me and Mommy."
"Don't forget Grandpa," Jim muttered. "Seems like he does too."
"Yeah; he takes care of us when you go away. Mommy's car broke and he fixed it."
"When did Mommy's car break?" Jim asked.
"The other day. Mommy tried to call you but you wasn't at your office so Grandpa fixed it."
"What was wrong with it?" he demanded to know.
"Grandpa said it needed a new battery so he got one and put in our car and it worked again!" she exclaimed; "Like when the remote don't work and we put new batteries in it."
"Where was Mommy when the battery died?"
"At home," she replied. "We was trying to go to Grandma's. Mommy couldn't find you so she called Grandpa and he came over and fixed it so we could go to Grandma's. Where were you, Daddy? Mommy thought you were at your office but you wasn't there."
"I don't know," he replied. "I might've been out talking to a client somewhere else…I might've went out for something to eat." Or a drink, his traitorous mind reminded him.
"It's okay, Grandpa fixed it."
"I'm glad," he murmured as they neared the checkout. Frank McKenzie seemed to take care of everything. It was odd coming from a man who said that once you took his daughter there were no returns. It seemed like Frank was a late bloomer in terms of being a father because suddenly he was on the job.
"Grammy!" Katie exclaimed as her grandmother opened the door, ending her incessant knocking.
"Where's your father?" Elizabeth Beckett asked, seeing that her granddaughter was alone on the porch.
"He's getting stuff out of the car. He wants you to wrap Mommy's presents," Katie replied as she moved into the house. "I'm hungry. Can I have peanut butter and jelly sandwich?"
"Didn't you eat today?" Elizabeth asked as she closed the door and began to help Kate with her coat.
"I ate breakfast at Aunt Valerie's but Daddy came and got me before lunch. I'm hungry, Grammy."
"Alright, dear; I'll make you a sandwich to tide you over," she said, hanging up the small purple coat. "Let's go to the kitchen; your Daddy can find his way in. Your mommy just called here a few minutes ago looking for you."
"I'm here now," Katie said as they entered the kitchen.
"Yes, I see that," Elizabeth replied as she went to the cupboard and took out the peanut butter.
"Purple jelly, Grammy."
"Of course," she said, her eye on her granddaughter as she climbed onto a kitchen chair and sat down. She got out the bread, a plate and knife and then grabbed the phone, dialing Johanna's number.
"Hello?" Johanna answered after the second ring.
"Your daughter is in my kitchen," Elizabeth stated, her shoulder holding the phone against her ear as she took two slices of bread out of the bag. "She's starving but otherwise fine."
"Where the hell is her father!?" Johanna demanded to know.
"He's getting something out of the car; he sent her on to the door. I wanted to let you know that they're here, I know you were worried. I'm making her a sandwich; I'll call you back when they leave."
"You tell Jim that Katie better be home by dinner time or the fight we had last night will look like a walk in the park. He picked her up from my brother's house hours ago and didn't tell me anything about going anywhere else."
"I'll relay the message," Elizabeth said. "I hear the door now. I'll call you back."
"Was that Mommy?" Katie asked as her grandmother hung up the phone.
"Yes, it was," she replied as she went back to her task of making Katie's sandwich. "How do you want your sandwich cut?"
"Squares," Katie answered.
"Mom," Jim called out.
"In the kitchen," she yelled back.
Jim made his way into the kitchen carrying bags and a roll of wrapping paper. "What are you doing?" he asked.
"Making your daughter a sandwich; apparently she hasn't been fed since breakfast."
"Katie, we're going to order food, remember? I just have to get this stuff taken care of first," Jim said.
"But I'm hungry now, Daddy. No crusts, Grammy."
"I never give you crusts," Elizabeth remarked as she finished cutting the sandwich and carried the plate to the table. "Do you want a juice box?"
"Yes, please."
Elizabeth went to the fridge and got Katie's drink and then eyed her son. "Where the hell have you been?"
Jim looked at her oddly. "What are you talking about?"
"Johanna called here a little while ago looking for you and Katie; she's worried sick. She said you picked Katie up from her brother's before noon and she hasn't seen or heard from either one of you."
"When I picked Katie up, I said we had errands to run; she shouldn't have worried."
"She's a mother; she always worries. Where were you?"
"Shopping," Katie said around a bite of her sandwich.
"I had to go get Johanna's birthday presents," Jim stated. "I want you to wrap them."
Elizabeth eyed him. "I thought her birthday was yesterday?"
"It was."
"Then why are you buying gifts today?"
Jim sighed. "Because I forgot it was her birthday, okay?"
"You forgot!" Elizabeth exclaimed. "I raised you better than to forget your wife's birthday!"
"I didn't do it on purpose."
Elizabeth shook her head at him. "Shame on you, James Robert. You don't just forget your wife's birthday. I thought you were supposed to take her out for her birthday; I talked to her yesterday when she got the card in the mail that I sent. She was getting ready to take Katie to her sleepover so you could go out; I assumed you were going out for her birthday."
"Yeah, well…I thought it was just a regular dinner date…and I kind of didn't get home in time so we didn't go."
"Oh my God," Elizabeth exclaimed. "You stood her up on her birthday! It's no wonder she sounds like she could breathe fire today. What the hell is wrong with you, boy?"
"I'm not a boy, Mother; I'm a man."
"Sounds like you're a stupid one at the moment," she retorted. "There was a time when you couldn't get your head out of her…" she trailed off, remembering that Katie was drinking in every word. "There was a time when you couldn't be dragged away from her and now you're hardly with her at all and you forget her birthday and break your dinner plans. What is going on with you?"
"Nothing; I'm just busy."
"Uh huh; busy doing what? I don't believe it's always work, Jimmy. Your father's laid that excuse on me one time too many to believe such things."
"Where is Dad?" Jim asked.
"Over at Michael's helping to fix his car," Elizabeth replied. "Now what is your problem?"
"Nothing; I am busy," he retorted. "Are you going to wrap these gifts for me or not?"
"No, I'm not! You already forgot her birthday; you broke your plans with her; you have her worried because you don't bother to tell her you won't be right home with Katie. You sit there and wrap your wife's presents yourself; that's the least you can do!"
"But you're better at it," he replied. "I wanted them to look nice."
"And people in hell want ice water," Elizabeth stated. "Now you wrap those gifts; and Johanna said that you better have Katie home by dinner time or the fight you had last night will look like a walk in the park so I suggest you get busy…and I suggest you get yourself sorted out and remember what your priorities are before you're so busy you lose it all."
"I already got a lecture last night from Frank; I don't need one from you."
Elizabeth's brow rose. "Frank?"
"I ran into him last night; don't tell her, I don't think she knows."
"Maybe you better listen to whatever it is he said," his mother stated.
"Can you please wrap these gifts?"
"No," she said, moving to the junk drawer to get the tape and scissors. "You wrap them. You better get started," she remarked laying the items he'd need on the table.
"Grammy, will you wrap my Valentine present for Mommy?" Katie asked.
"Of course I will, sweet pea," Elizabeth replied; running her hand over her granddaughter's hair.
"Wait a minute," Jim exclaimed; "You'll wrap her gift and not mine!"
"Yes."
"That's not fair!"
"Yes, it is; she's not ready for gift wrapping yet. You on the other hand weren't fair to your wife so you do your own wrapping."
"Daddy don't think Mommy will like my present," Katie said before finishing her sandwich.
"Why?"
"Cause he don't like it."
"Well I'm sure your mommy will love it."
"Wait until you see it," Jim muttered as he pulled the box from the bag and handed it to her.
Elizabeth opened the jewelry box and smiled at the ruby heart necklace. "That's beautiful, Katie; I think Mommy will like it a lot."
"See, Daddy!"
"Why do you think Johanna wouldn't like this?" Elizabeth asked.
"I think it's a little gaudy," Jim replied.
"It is not!" she exclaimed.
"You like that?" he asked.
"Yes, I do; it's pretty and different. God knows your father doesn't vary his styles with buying gifts. What did you get Johanna?"
"A ring for her birthday and earrings for Valentine's Day."
"You Beckett men and your damn earrings; that's all any of you ever buy for anyone!" she exclaimed. "I'm starting to think it's the lazy way out."
"You would think that," he muttered as she unrolled a piece of wrapping paper.
Elizabeth glared at him, reaching out and flicking him in the ear. "Ow!" Jim yelled as Katie giggled. "What did you do that for?"
"Because it pleased me to do so," Elizabeth replied; "And because you deserved it."
"That might be a matter of opinion," he remarked.
"In my house, my opinion matters more," she stated. "Come on, Katie; I have some pretty paper upstairs we can use for Mommy's Valentine present."
"She even gets special paper," Jim muttered. "I get nothing form you but my ear flicked off."
"When I come back downstairs I'll do the other one and maybe you won't feel so cheated," his mother replied as Katie took her hand and left the room.
He sighed deeply; what a weekend…he was looking forward to going back to work tomorrow.
With Katie's help, Jim managed to get everything carried through the backdoor in one trip. He sat the bags on the counter, laying the flowers there as well and was shrugging out of his coat as his wife appeared on the threshold of the kitchen looking highly unamused. "Where the hell have you been?" she demanded to know.
"I had some things I wanted to do," Jim replied as he took Katie's coat and hung it on the back of a kitchen chair with his.
"And you couldn't tell me that before you left?" she asked. "I assumed you were picking Katie up and bringing her right home. I've been worried sick!"
"I know I mentioned at Frankie's that I had errands to run. It's not a big deal, Jo. It's not like I took her to a bar."
"I didn't say you did."
"You were probably thinking it. I was just giving you some time alone and spending time with my daughter since you claim I don't see her much."
"You don't."
"Well now I have," he said lightly, trying to ease the situation.
"Look what I got Mommy!" Katie said, holding up her two newest My Little Ponies.
Johanna's brow rose. "I thought I told you that you couldn't have that rainbow pony until you started picking up your toys when you're asked to do it."
"Daddy said I could have it."
"Katie," Johanna said firmly.
"I'll pick up my toys!" she exclaimed.
"Maybe I should hang onto that pony until you show me that you can do that."
Katie gave her an angry look and turned toward Jim. "Daddy!"
"You're not taking her pony," Jim replied. "I bought her a few things for Valentine's Day and she's keeping them. Don't take it out on her just because you're mad at me."
"Fine," Johanna said; "But Katie, the first time you don't pick up your toys when I tell you to clean up; I'm taking the ponies and putting them on the closet shelf until you do what you're supposed to do."
"I'll pick them up!" Katie said sharply. "I'm not showing you my stable!"
"What stable?"
"My Daddy bought me a pony stable cause he can't build me stables when he has to go away to work!"
"Oh, I'm getting the picture," Johanna said.
"It's for Valentine's Day," Jim said; knowing she was pegging the items as guilt gifts.
"It's not Valentine's Day yet."
"I won't be here for Valentine's Day," he stated.
"I'm Daddy's Valentine," Katie remarked.
"That's right, Princess; you're my Valentine," he told her. "Don't worry, Mommy's not allowed to take your presents."
"Good," Katie replied.
Johanna nodded, feeling a small irrational sting to her heart. "It never ceases to amaze me; one minute she's avoiding rooms you might be in and the next minute you're back to Mr. Wonderful because you bought a pony and a stable."
"Maybe I should've bought you a pony and a stable," Jim replied. "You're awful damn sour today."
"Can't imagine why," she said, looking him in the eye; "Can you?"
He glanced away as his daughter held up the two storybooks she had gotten as well. "I got new books cause Daddy's my Valentine," Katie stated.
"I'm so happy for you both," Johanna replied with a smile.
"My Daddy will read my stories to me," her daughter remarked firmly; clearing still perturbed by being told about her toy pickup chore.
"Your Daddy is free to do so," Johanna responded. "He's going to be home all week to read to you at night…but you're still picking up your toys before bed."
"She will," Jim replied; letting it go that she had brought up the deal they had made for him to be home on time. "You'll pick up your toys, won't you, Katie?"
"Yes, Daddy."
"I'm glad the two of you had a nice day," Johanna said. "Now that you've dragged yourselves home to the wicked witch you live with, I'll get dinner started."
"You're not a witch, Mommy," Katie replied. "You're just cranky. You need a nap."
She smirked at her. "You're just like your daddy."
"We ordered dinner; it'll be here in a little while," Jim stated; heading off that line of thought.
"I just get left out of all the loops."
"It's for your birthday," he replied. "It's chicken and all the sides…I know it's not the fancy dinner you wanted but it can still be nice here at home…all of us together."
"My birthday is over, Jim; just let it go," she said quietly.
"No, can't do that," he replied. "We rented movies too; a kid friendly movie for after dinner with Katie and something more grown up for us for later."
"You're going to sit in the living room for two movies without wandering off to your desk?" Johanna asked; a skeptical look on her face.
"Yeah," he said with a nod. "I'll catch up tomorrow…I'll get up a little earlier and look over a few things."
"Don't make things harder on yourself on my account, Jim. We'll watch the one with Katie and you can put her to bed and then do what you need to do."
"I want to watch a movie with you," Jim stated.
"Because you feel guilty," she remarked; hurt and anger flickering in her eyes. "It's not because you want to…I'm not stupid."
He sighed. "I do feel guilty…but it's not why I want to watch a movie with you. Can't you just let me make this better? What do you think I've been doing all day? I've been out getting you presents and making plans for dinner and getting us movies. I did it all for you."
No, he had done it for himself to ease his guilt, Johanna thought to herself but she refrained from saying so, seeing that Katie was watching them intently. "Do you want me to open your pony, Katie?" she asked her, noticing the box was still in her hand.
"No, Daddy will do it…you might keep it."
"Then let your Daddy do it. I'm going to go get the laundry out of the washer and put it in the dryer."
"The laundry can wait," Jim said; "Sit down…please."
She wasn't getting away from this guilt celebration, she mused as she pulled out a kitchen chair and sat down at the table. "Here, Katie," Jim said, giving her the bouquet of pink roses. "Give Mommy the flowers you picked out for her."
"Here, Mommy," Katie said, bringing the flowers to her. "I picked pink flowers cause you like pink flowers on cake."
She conjured up a smile for her child. "Thank you, sweetheart."
"Open the rest of your gifts," Jim said as he sat the gift bags before her.
"It wasn't necessary," Johanna remarked, meeting his eye. "The occasion is over and I really didn't want reminders of it."
"It is necessary and they aren't reminders…they're gifts," her husband remarked. "Now open them."
Johanna sighed deeply and pulled the first box from the bag. "Daddy wrapped it all by himself," Katie stated; "He wanted Grammy to do it but she said no, he had to do it."
"Wow, Jim; you forget, you stand me up and then you want your mother to wrap my guilt gifts," she replied. "I feel the love, honey; I really do."
"Jo," he sighed. "I only wanted her to wrap them so they'd look nice."
"They're a little messy, Daddy," Katie said as she watched her mother pick at the tape on the end of the box.
"I know," he replied. "If Grammy would've helped me they'd look better."
Johanna finally tore the paper off the box and opened it, revealing the blue cocktail dress she had looked at in Macy's the day before. "Oh look, a pretty dress to hang in the closet because I never have a date to go anywhere with."
"You can wear it when we go out next weekend," Jim remarked.
Johanna laughed. "Yeah, sure we will."
"I told Daddy you liked that dress," Katie said excitedly, not understanding the comment.
"Thank you, Katie," she said, kissing her daughter's forehead.
"It's from me," Jim stated.
"Uh huh," his wife said as she laid the box aside and picked up the next box to open, finding the purple silk pajamas. "Very nice," she said before laying them aside and opening the next box, uncovering the black sweater. "That's also nice."
"You're so enthusiastic, Jo," Jim said, a tight smile on his lips. "It makes shopping all day worth it."
She smiled coolly. "Now remember, darling, you were spending time with your daughter…that quality time she doesn't get much of lately."
"Johanna…please."
She reached into the next bag and pulled out the hastily wrapped items, opening them to find the books he had chosen for her. She laid them aside and reached back into the bag, her fingers curling around the small box. "Must be the jewelry," she remarked as she picked at the tape. "Husbands love the jewelry counter at times like this."
"I buy you jewelry for nearly every occasion," Jim replied; "Not just when I'm sorry."
She unwrapped the box and opened it, glancing down at the amethyst ring inside. Normally she would've been thrilled with his choice…but today she couldn't be. She knew she was probably angering him but she just couldn't be happy this time. She couldn't just ignore how hurt she was…how hurt she had been for weeks now. "It's very pretty," she said, before closing the lid. "Thank you."
Jim gave her a puzzled look. "Aren't you going to try it on?"
"Put it on, Mommy," Katie said. "It's pretty."
She didn't want to put it on but she would for Katie…figuring that her daughter wanted to admire it. She opened the box once more and took the ring from its cushion and slid it onto her ring finger on her right hand. "It's sparkly," Katie said as she stepped closer to see it.
"It is," Johanna said, forcing herself to play along.
"Do you like it, Mommy? I helped pick it."
"Oh yes, I always love your taste, sweetheart," she said, giving her a quick kiss.
"You got one more present," her daughter said, nudging the bag toward her.
Johanna took out the last package and quickly pulled off the wrapping paper, revealing the black leather Coach briefcase they had chosen for her. She ran her hand over the leather, wishing she didn't like it so much…wishing that she didn't need it so she wouldn't have to use it.
"Do you like it, Mommy!?" Katie asked. "I told Daddy that yours was breaking."
That made it easier, Johanna thought…Katie had told him, she could pretend it was from Katie. "Yes, sweetie, I like it a lot. It's a good thing Daddy had you around to tell him what I like."
"I'm a good helper," her daughter replied.
"Yes, you are," she said, giving her a hug and a kiss. "Thank you for my presents."
"You're welcome," Katie said. "Now you gotta kiss Daddy."
She smiled. "Why?"
"Cause he loves you lots and he bought you presents."
Only because he felt guilty, her brain reminded her but her daughter was watching so she rose from her chair and pressed a quick kiss against her husband's lips. "Thanks for the gifts."
"You're welcome," he said quietly; knowing that he had probably wasted a lot of money that day because he had a feeling that she didn't like anything he had chosen except maybe the briefcase. He was sure the ring would disappear into a jewelry box or a drawer, never to be seen again. The dress would hang in the back of the closet…the pajamas and sweater stashed under favored items in the dresser. He'd be lucky if she read the books and used the briefcase.
Johanna put the gifts back into the bags. "I'll go put these things upstairs and then get the laundry changed before dinner gets here."
"I want you to open my Valentine present!" Katie exclaimed.
"It's not Valentine's yet, sweetheart. Why don't you save it until then?"
"No!" her daughter cried. "Daddy won't be home then and he says you won't like what I picked!"
Johanna shot him a look. "Why?"
"I think it's gaudy."
"Will you open it now, Mommy?" Katie asked.
"Alright, Katie," she said. "I'll open it now."
Jim searched the bag still on the counter for Katie's gift and handed it to her. "She picked it all by herself," he stated.
"Sounds like she picked most things herself today," Johanna replied; smiling as her daughter hurried to her side.
"Here, Mommy; Happy Valentine's."
"Thank you; your present is wrapped neater than Daddy's."
"Grammy helped me."
"That explains it; she must like you best."
"She does," Katie said confidently. "She made me peanut butter and jelly and it was good."
Johanna gave a soft laugh. "Grammy makes good peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, huh?"
"Yep; no crusts."
"Of course not," she said; pulling the shiny red paper off the box. She lifted the velvet lid and smiled down at the ruby heart necklace. "Katie; that's beautiful," she told her sincerely. "I love it."
"You do!" her daughter asked.
"I do; this will be my special Valentine necklace," she said as she lifted it from the box and hooked it around her neck. "How does it look?"
"It's pretty," Katie said happily. "You like it lots?"
"Lots and lots," she said, giving her a hug. "Thank you so much."
"See, Daddy! I told you Mommy would like it! Grammy said so too!"
Johanna laughed softly. "He should know that you and Grammy are rarely wrong."
"Uh huh, we know things," Katie said.
"I stand corrected," Jim remarked, seeing that she did genuinely like the necklace.
"Why would you think I wouldn't like it?"
He shrugged. "Just didn't seem like something you'd pick."
"Guess you were wrong."
"Yeah; it seems to be my trend this weekend," he replied. "I'll carry your gifts upstairs so you can tend to your laundry."
"Daddy, what about your Valentine present for Mommy?" Katie asked. "Is she going to open it now?"
"I don't think so, honey," he said. "Mommy doesn't seem to be enjoying herself with all of this gift opening."
"I liked the gifts," Johanna said; "But I'm fine with waiting for the Valentine's one…I don't have your gift ready yet. I can't pick it up until Wednesday."
"I don't want anything," Jim said; feeling like a failure at rescuing her birthday. "Don't bother with it."
"Fine; then take back what you got me," she remarked as she gathered up her gift bags.
"Maybe I will since you can't even pretend to like the gifts I gave you today," he stated, an edge in his tone.
"I like them fine, Jim. Would I have liked them better yesterday when they wouldn't have been given with the sense of guilt and making yourself feel better, yeah; I would have. But what's done is done. Thanks for the gifts and for ordering dinner; I really didn't feel like cooking tonight. Katie; you can go play with your ponies until dinner gets here."
"Okay, Mommy," she said, dragging her toy store bag through the kitchen to the doorway as she headed for the living room.
Johanna began to gather up the gift bags under her husband's watchful gaze. "Will you at least use the briefcase?" he asked.
"Yes; mine's breaking at the handle. It's a very nice one…I like having a black one for a change. You didn't have to get a designer label though; it must've cost a fortune."
"You're worth it," Jim said quietly.
"I'm not so sure about that," she murmured; after all, he didn't make her feel like she was worth much to him lately.
"I am," he stated as he met her eye.
"I'll try to be more enthusiastic at dinner so I won't continue to disappoint you."
He breathed deeply. "It's okay…I know you're still mad."
"I am mad…but most of all I'm hurt," she told him. "It's hard to get over that quickly."
"I know," he said with a nod as he moved closer to her. "Will you watch the movie with me after Katie's in bed?"
"Yeah," she relented; "If you don't have something important that you need to get done."
Jim shook his head. "Nothing that can't wait until tomorrow."
"Alright," Johanna murmured. "We'll watch the movie."
He took the risk of capturing her lips in a soft kiss. "I bought popcorn."
She managed a small smile for him. "I guess it's a date then."
"I won't be late this time."
"That might depend on Katie and how many stories she wants you to read."
"She's getting cut off after three," Jim stated. "Then it's your turn."
"Okay," she replied; doing her best to shove away those feelings of anger and hurt that didn't want to make it easy for him…but she didn't want to fight all week…especially if he kept his promise to stay home; so she'd have to push it away as much as she could so they could have some semblance of peace.
Later that night after Katie had been tucked into bed, Johanna made her way downstairs clad in the new pajamas she had been given just to make her husband happy since she had disappointed him with her lack of reactions. They had gotten through dinner without incident but she had mainly allowed Jim and Katie to chat; listening to the plans to go to his Uncle Harry's farm in the summer and a promised trip to the beach. She wasn't sure she believed that either trip would happen given his work schedule but she had kept her mouth shut about it. The popcorn was popped and in a bowl on the coffee table along with their sodas as she settled down on the couch while Jim popped the video into the VCR.
"Are you ready?" he asked.
"Yeah; I'm ready," she replied.
He carried the remote to the sofa with him, allowing the previews on the video to play instead of fast forwarding through them. "Why didn't you tell me about the car?" he asked quietly as she grabbed a handful of popcorn.
"What about the car?"
"That it needed a new battery."
"I didn't know it needed one until it didn't start," Johanna told him.
"When did it happen?"
"Last Saturday. I tried to call you since you said you'd be at your office. I called three times and the machine picked up each time so I called Dad. He came right over and found the problem. He went and got me a new battery; he wouldn't take a blank check with him so he paid for it and then I wrote him out a check when he came back to reimburse him. He put the battery in and everything was good to go; we went on to Mom's like planned."
"You still could've told me," Jim remarked.
She shrugged. "The problem was taken care of so I didn't see any point in bringing it up. I didn't want to have to tell you that I called and you weren't at your office…I figured you'd get mad and say I was implying something by saying you weren't there."
"Why would I get mad?"
"Because you get mad a lot lately."
He supposed that was true; the stress of his promotion did make him quick to anger. "Why didn't you ask where I was?"
"I figured I didn't want to know bad enough to ask," Johanna replied. "It wasn't worth the argument since Dad took care of the problem."
He breathed deeply. "I'm sorry that I wasn't there to fix it."
"It's alright; at least we were home when it happened."
Jim had thought of that too…at least they had been at home…and not stranded somewhere while he was out on a long lunch break with his colleagues, having a mid afternoon drink instead of being where he was supposed to be where he could've been in a position to do something. "Is the car fine now? Does it have any other issues?"
"No; Dad checked the oil and all when he put the battery in. He said while he was under the hood he may as well make sure everything was fine."
"Frank's on his game lately," he commented.
"He knows you're busy and that you travel a lot now so he tries to keep an eye on us," she replied. "I'm sure it's only because of Katie; if it was just me it probably wouldn't be like that."
"You're wrong," Jim stated. "It would be the same…he loves you."
"I'm just glad things are better than they used to be."
"Katie told me that Frank did some babysitting recently while you and Valerie and Naomi went to some gallery."
"Yeah; he watched Katie and Greg and Claire…he seemed to enjoy it a lot more than when he used to have to watch his own kids," she said with a short laugh. "I think he likes his grandchildren better."
"I didn't know you went to a gallery," he commented.
"It was a few weeks ago when you had to fly to Denver for three days for the firm," Johanna replied.
"You could've told me when I came back."
"You haven't really been interested in conversation lately, Jim. You haven't even asked me about my job at Columbia."
"Yes, I have."
"No, you haven't. You only know what I mention…that is, when you're listening…the rest of the time you're reminding me that it was a mistake to take the job."
He figured that was true…he hadn't really asked much about it…and he did have a habit of implying that she shouldn't have taken it. "I'm sorry."
She shrugged. "It's alright…you don't have to be interested in everything I do."
"I'm interested," he replied. "I didn't mean to make you feel like I wasn't."
"You've got more important things on your mind lately."
Jim was quiet for a moment, allowing that statement to settle over him as he weighed what to ask about her job. "Do you like the teaching job?"
She shrugged a little. "I don't know yet."
"Why not?"
"Because it still feels a little awkward," Johanna admitted. "I'm not as sure of myself as I am as a lawyer."
"But you're teaching law…you're still in your field."
"I know…but it's different. It's one thing to go into the courtroom and do the job; it's another to teach people how to do it. You stand there wondering what those kids are thinking about you."
"Who cares what they think?"
"I guess I do. I don't want them to think I'm stupid."
"If you were stupid, you wouldn't be there," Jim replied. "You're there to teach and they're there to learn. You'll probably never see them again after the semester is over."
"It's just awkward doing something you've never done before," Johanna remarked. "It's only been a few weeks; maybe the feeling will go away as the semester goes on."
"Well if it doesn't, at least you know that you tried and that it's not for you."
She smirked at him. "You don't want it to be right for me, do you?"
"Why do you say that?"
"Because you could've said 'it'll get better; just relax…I'm sure you're doing fine."
"I don't know how you're doing; I'm not in your class. You seem like you don't like it so I was being supportive of you not doing it anymore."
"Thanks for your support," she said with a touch of sarcasm in her voice.
Jim sighed. "I don't know what you want me to say or do."
"Nothing," she murmured. "What does it matter anyway? Let's just go back to not talking about it."
"You don't ask about my work either."
"That's a damn lie!" Johanna shot back. "I ask you all the time you just never tell me anything other than smartass remarks."
He looked away, he supposed it was true; he didn't share as much as he used to. It was like once they weren't working at the same firm things changed in that respect…like he felt like he couldn't say much since they were no longer colleagues. "I'm working higher profile cases; I can't tell you a lot."
"Then don't act like I don't care about what you do," she replied. "I ask; you can't tell much. Case closed."
"Speaking of cases" Jim said; "Has your caseload ever picked up? Have you even been to court lately?"
Her gaze narrowed at him. "I've been in court every week since after the new year, Jim. I told you the other morning I was in court this week…I asked if we could have lunch during my break but you were busy."
"Oh, yeah; I had forgotten about that," he admitted. "Sorry. I was just wondering if business had picked up though."
"It's not what I'd like it to be but it's some better than it was."
"You could look for another position at a busier firm," he suggested.
"No; I'm not going to do that to Mark and Cathy; we already had that discussion. Why do you care how busy I am? It isn't like it affects you."
"Maybe it does. Maybe if you had more to do at your office you'd feel better and wouldn't be so mad at me all the time."
Her jaw dropped. "Really, Jim? You think any anger I have toward you is about work? It's not my work that's the problem. It's you and how your work has suddenly taken over every aspect of your life and how it also comes with a big side of drinks that sometimes makes you a mean drunk. Now do you really want to go down this road tonight?"
"No," he admitted. "I don't want to do that."
"I didn't think so," she said, rising from the sofa. "I don't think I'm in the mood for a movie. I'm going to go on up to bed."
"Jo," he breathed, catching hold of her wrist. "Please don't go…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to start another fight. "Sit back down, please?"
She sat back down against her better judgment and fell silent, allowing her gaze to focus on the TV instead of him. They sat in silence for nearly twenty minutes, tension hovering over. Jim couldn't stand the heaviness in the air and so he moved closer to her, dropping his arm around her as she glanced at him. "We usually do the movie thing like this," he said, allowing a small smile to touch his lips. "We've always had a lot of fun at movies."
"Yeah," she said softly; "Those were good times."
"You say that like the good times are over."
"Sometimes I feel like they are," she admitted.
"They're not," he said, rubbing his thumb against her shoulder.
She hoped that was true but she wasn't so sure.
"You know, usually when we're at a movie and I put my arm around you, you lean in against me so we're close," he said lightly.
"Yeah; that was when you liked me to be close," Johanna remarked.
"I still like you to be close," he said, brushing a kiss against her cheek.
"I'm still not having sex with you this weekend."
He smiled. "We'd probably feel better if you did."
"Yeah; well, I had a small amount hope that things would go that way last night after dinner but you didn't show up."
"What do you mean a small amount of hope?"
"Just what it sounds like," she replied. "I had a small amount of hope that last night would be the kind of date we always had…but part of me knew it wouldn't be…because you didn't want to go in the first place and you haven't shown any interest in me since Christmas…so I hoped but I knew it wouldn't happen…I just didn't really think that I'd end up sitting home by myself all evening while you were out enjoying yourself."
"I'm sorry that I hurt you; I really am."
"What is it about them?" Johanna asked.
"About who?"
"Your friends and colleagues," she said. "What is it about them lately that makes you want to spend all of your time with them?"
"I don't want to spend all my time with them…it's just that we all work together and we get to talking and time passes without notice."
"And you don't work with me anymore so you don't feel like we have anything to talk about anymore?" she asked. "Because I always thought we had way more than work between us when it came to discussion."
"No; it's not like that."
"Any new women at the firm?" Johanna asked.
His brow furrowed. "Why?"
"Just curious."
"A few," he answered.
She nodded. "Are they a part of these group sessions out?"
"Where are you going with this, Jo?" he asked.
She swallowed hard. "I was just wondering if maybe someone hadn't caught your eye…you know someone you can talk to about the things you want to talk about lately."
"Are you accusing me of having an affair?" Jim asked, a touch of anger creeping into his voice.
"No…you're not impulsive enough to just jump into an affair. I just thought maybe you had someone else you liked talking to more than me…we talked a lot in the beginning…about work at first and then other topics as we got to know each other better."
He bit back sharp retorts and forced himself not to pull away from her in offense. "There's no one else, Johanna," he said quietly. "You're the only woman in my life…with the exception of my mother and Johanna Jr. upstairs."
"Okay," she said softly. "I just thought I'd ask."
"I love you," he told her.
"I love you too."
"Even when you're threatening to divorce me?" he asked.
She nodded. "Yes…it's not my affection that's been in question. I don't like this phase we're in."
"It'll get better."
"I hope it does…I don't like thinking about if it doesn't."
"I love you," he repeated, capturing her chin with his fingertips, forcing her to turn her face toward him so that he could kiss her. "You're still my Valentine too."
"I was under the impression that you were already spoken for in the Valentine scheme of things."
"There's enough of me for you and Katie both," Jim said with a smile but then it faded. "I guess it'll be the first Valentine's Day we won't be together."
Johanna nodded. "I know."
"We'll go out next Saturday for Valentine's," he murmured, brushing a kiss against her cheek. "We'll go to dinner and we'll go to a movie or we'll go listen to a band or something. Whatever you want. Maybe Katie can spend the night with my mother…then we could have some time alone when we get home…have a glass of wine…you could light those candles you like so much…and we can just be together the way we should've been last night."
Her eyes closed, it all sounded so nice but she was afraid being burned again.
"What do you think, sweetheart?" he asked. "Do we have an early Valentine's date?"
"You promise?" she asked. "You promise you won't do to me what you did to me last night?"
"I promise," Jim assured. "I'll make it all happen…I won't let anything get in the way."
"Alright," she said with a nod. "It's a date…but if you don't show up again…you'll be sleeping in your car."
"Understood," he replied; "But I promise…next Saturday is ours; I'll make it perfect, I promise; and next year, I'll make your birthday extra special."
"All I ever want is to be with you and Katie," Johanna replied. "I don't need anything extravagant…all I ever need is you."
"You'll have me," Jim promised.
Johanna breathed deeply as his unoccupied hand found hers, curling around it softly. "I'll just be glad to put this one behind me."
"I'll do better next year," he said once more before kissing her.
Johanna accepted his kisses, the movie being ignored as she gave in to the need to feel his affection while he was offering it. She knew they weren't out of the woods yet…but she hoped they'd get there soon; she didn't want to be divorced by her next birthday.