Author's Note- We are back with the MerDer/Slexie content, guys! I hope you enjoy Chapter 26. This one is told entirely from Meredith's POV! Favorite and follow to stay updated on this story :)
Dr. Wyatt had only prescribed enough clonazepam to get Meredith through the initial aftermath of Lexie's setback. Once she had survived the shock and made some progress in therapy, according to her psychiatrist, Meredith was supposed to taper herself off the benzodiazepines. No one wanted Meredith to end up as a junky.
When Meredith had received that prescription from Wyatt, she had told herself that she was going to follow her therapist's orders. This would be the last time that she accepted clonazepam from anyone. Meredith was going to focus on being a good wife, mother, and friend. She would get better.
And then Cristina was released from the ICU. Presented with the option of either being transferred to psych or going home with Owen, Cristina chose the latter. Meredith was sure that her best friend was still struggling and that Owen had no idea what he was getting himself into… but now, it had been several days since Cristina's discharge and Meredith had not spoken to her best friend once. Owen, who communicated regularly with Derek, explained that Cristina was packing up all of her belongings, preparing to move to Minnesota.
Meredith left what felt like a thousand voicemails for Cristina and they all contained the same message: Cristina, why are you rushing into this? You're still sick. Has your collarbone even healed? Lexie might die any day!
Nothing Meredith said seemed to have an impact, though. Cristina was determined to get as far away from Seattle Grace Mercy Death as she could and if that meant isolating herself from her former person, then so be it.
Meredith did have Derek and Alex; she was grateful for that. But Derek's hand surgery had been moved up by several days. Based on his latest scans, Schacter had determined that more of Derek's nerves were dying every day so in order to have any shot at a full recovery, the operation needed to be performed soon.
Bright and early Monday morning, the Grey-Shepherd family made their way to the hospital and admitted Derek to the orthopedic wing. Normally, his surgery would be an outpatient procedure, but because it was Derek Shepherd on the table, who was still recovering from various other injuries, Schacter had decided to keep his patient for a few nights.
Meredith was not looking forward to sleeping in a bed without her husband. Derek was the only thing that had kept her relatively calm since the plane crash… or rather, Derek and clonazepam. That was not something that needed to be mentioned to Derek himself, though. He was already nervous about surgery.
"Don't worry, everything is going to be fine," Meredith said as she helped Derek get situated in bed. "Schacter has a great plan and Callie is going to assist. She was running the ortho department when she was still a resident."
"I know, I'm in great hands… literally," Derek said, although there was an expression on his face that suggested he was convincing himself as much as he was Meredith.
"You'll have the surgery and then wake up and… pretty soon you'll be back in the OR but not as a patient."
Derek smiled and nodded. "Yeah… nothing to worry about."
Of course, there was the ever-looming reminder that sometimes things happened in surgery for no reason. Lexie was proof of that. Meredith's little sister should have been awake a long time ago yet she was still unconscious, in the ICU because something had gone wrong during an endoscopic evacuation.
That had been difficult to process but Meredith could not imagine what she would do if Schacter brought out an EEG machine and announced that Derek was braindead, too.
Actually, Meredith knew exactly what she would do. She would flee across the country to Boston. So what if she had criticized Cristina for running away? That would be the only option if Derek was gone.
But Meredith was getting ahead of herself. Derek was sitting in front of her, alive, and in all likelihood, he was going to be fine.
A few minutes passed and Schacter strolled into the room, a familiar gray chart tucked under one arm. "Dr. Shepherd! Are we feeling good today?"
"Feeling great," Derek said. "But probably not as good as I will once I'm under the influence of morphine."
"Yeah, that's always the best part about surgery. Well, that and the free ice cream," Schacter chuckled. "Alright, then… I'll see you in the OR."
"See you."
Derek returned his glance to Meredith. "You'll watch out for me, right? Make sure I don't get hooked?"
"I didn't let that happen before, did I?"
"No, but just… make sure. It doesn't matter how much I'm begging you; don't increase it more than once an hour."
"I'm sure you'll be fine. You already got through major abdominal surgery. This is minor, compared to that," Meredith said.
"Yeah… that's what I keep trying to tell myself," Derek sighed; his high anxiety level was clear.
Meredith scooted closer to the bed and interlaced her delicate fingers with his strong, seasoned digits. "Hey… what are you so afraid of, anyway? Not being able to operate?"
"No, I… I would be disappointed; I'm not going to lie but being a surgeon isn't that important, not compared with my life," Derek said. "I'm just… I don't know. Being back in the hospital, wearing this…"
"It makes you dark and twisty?" Meredith interjected and Derek smiled.
"Yeah, a little."
The hospital gown that Derek wore was the same attire that every patient donned at Seattle Grace. It was standard, yet there was something depressing about it. Derek had noticeably deflated when he changed clothes.
"Well, that's okay," Meredith insisted. "There's nothing wrong with being dark and twisty for a while, as long as you come back. We'll switch roles. I'll be your bright and shiny."
This seemed to please Derek. He was more relaxed, cheerful, even as the interns prepared him for surgery. When it was time to go, Meredith planted a tender kiss on his lips and promised, "I'll be here when you wake up."
"Can't wait," Derek said.
Meredith had two options as far as what she could do while waiting for Derek. She could remain in his room and watch television, or she could head down to the waiting room and hang out there like typical families did when their loved ones were in surgery. The first choice was out of the question; Meredith knew that she would go insane with worry if she was trapped, alone with her own thoughts, but she did not particularly want to expose herself to the frenzy of Seattle Grace either.
As Meredith rode the elevator down to the surgical wing, she was sparked with a new idea. Instead of exiting on the second floor, Meredith stayed where she was and went all the way to the basement. There, she hiked towards Human Resources and approached the front desk.
"Um… hi. My name is Dr. Meredith Grey; I've been a surgical resident here for the last few years but now I'm going to be starting a fellowship and the Chief of Surgery told me to come get a new badge."
The woman working put a huge smile on her face; she obviously recognized Meredith as one of the plane crash victims. "Oh, of course, sweetie! Come right on over; we'll get you all set up."
Ten minutes later, Meredith walked out of HR with a fresh, shiny ID clipped to the front of her shirt. She was not technically working, but this would get her into parts of the hospital that she would not be allowed in, undocumented.
One of those locations was especially important. Meredith got back onto the elevator, rode up to the second floor, and made it into the gallery of OR 2 just as Derek faded into unconsciousness. Schacter was about to begin working.
There was only one person in the gallery that Meredith was relatively close with and that was April. She did not have on scrubs either. Meredith approached her. "Hey, um… can I sit?"
"Meredith! Yeah, of course…" April scooted over. "I'm so glad I got to see you before I left."
"Oh, um… you're leaving?"
"Yeah, I mean… I have to. I don't really have a job here any longer," April sighed. "I was putting it off as long as I could, until Derek and Lexie and Arizona were better but I can't stay forever. My flight's in a couple hours."
It was strange to hear April talking about getting on a plane so casually. How could she not be the least bit afraid of what happened?
"I wish I could stay longer, especially now, with what happened to Arizona but… I don't think I'm going to be much comfort to her," April continued.
"What happened to Arizona?" Meredith asked. Alex had given her and Derek a ride to the hospital, per usual this morning and he had not mentioned anything.
Something had occurred, though… April's eyes expanded. "You… you didn't hear? She went septic last night. Her organs were failing because of the infection. Carlson had to cut off her leg."
"...What?!"
"Yeah… she was supposed to have her surgery today; she was so close but her body couldn't take it any longer," April explained. "Apparently she's really pissed at Callie because Callie had promised her that she wouldn't let anyone amputate."
"B-But it sounds like she was going to die if she kept her leg. Carlson probably saved her life," Meredith said.
"I know, but she's emotional, which I understand."
Meredith shook her head. It was absolutely crazy… yes, Arizona was alive and that was the important part but the loss of a limb was still a really big deal. And just as the plane crash had strengthened Meredith's relationship with Mark, it had done the same to her friendship with Arizona. Meredith was devastated for the pediatric surgeon.
"God, that's awful… I'll have to go see her later, once this is over."
"I don't think she really wants to see anyone except for Sofia right now," April said. "You should be there for Derek right now anyway. How has he been? How have you been?"
Meredith shrugged. "We've both… been okay. I'm officially a fellow. I mean, I… I'm not trying to brag or anything; I wish you were still here, too but I declined Brigham and told Owen we're officially staying."
"That's awesome. I'm happy for you, Mer," April said; she sounded genuine.
Suddenly, a voice echoed over the gallery loudspeaker, straight from the OR. It was Schacter: "Dr. Grey, while I appreciate your watchful eye, I'm going to have to ask you, respectfully, to leave the gallery."
"Why? I… I work here!" Meredith called and held up her badge.
"I don't care; I know for a fact that you wouldn't want your patient's wife to be staring at you as you operated on them," Schacter said. "Out of the gallery, Dr. Grey, before I call security."
Meredith sighed heavily and got up. The last thing she heard before stomping away was April's voice, squeaking, "I'll keep you updated, Mer!"
Slowly, Meredith trudged down the hallway and out into the waiting room where several other individuals were waiting for news on their loved ones. Meredith figured she would just sit and read a magazine, if her brain allowed her to concentrate on actual words, when she recognized another face in the corner… it was Mark, teary-eyed and scrolling through his phone.
"Hey," Meredith said, walking up to him. "Are you okay?"
Mark looked up. "Oh… hey, Big Grey. Yeah, I'm good. I just came up here to support Derek and to be here for Callie; she's going through a lot. Did you hear about Arizona?"
"Yeah, April just told me," Meredith said. "I'm so sorry. I mean, tell Callie that I'm sorry…"
"I will," Mark said but there was something else in his face that was concerning Meredith. It was like Mark was withholding anger.
Meredith sat down next to him, awkwardly. "Um… are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm perfect. What about you? Aren't you great? That's what you've been telling everyone, isn't it?"
"I don't want to worry Derek," Meredith admitted.
"Yeah, well, I'm sure Derek knows better. We were in a plane crash. None of us are doing too great," Mark sighed. "And like… I'm sorry but I'm having a hard time being around Arizona right now. I love her; she's my family… I'll always care about her but the way she's treating Callie…"
"Well, she just lost her leg last night, didn't she? Give her some time; I'm sure she'll come around."
"Maybe but I mean… come on. She's complaining that she lost a leg. It sucks but that's nothing compared to some people," Mark said and Meredith knew that he was talking about Lexie.
She laid a hand on Mark's shoulder and rubbed, gently. "Have you seen her at all?"
"No," Mark whispered. "Her… I mean, your dad… he doesn't want to let anyone in that isn't family. I get it but… I just want to see her, just once before she dies. I want to tell her how I feel about her."
Meredith smiled, sadly. "This isn't a lifetime movie. You telling Lexie that you love her… that isn't going to make her wake up."
"I know, but I just want to see her. I want to tell her or… or I'll always regret it."
"I'll see what I can do," Meredith said. She did not want to be around Thatcher and Molly either, but she was willing to put up with them for a little while if it meant that much to Mark. Perhaps she could convince them to take a break, to run to the cafeteria, and Meredith could sneak Mark inside.
"Have they said anything to you? You know, about what they're planning to do, as far as life support goes?" Mark asked.
Meredith shook her head. "I haven't been spending hardly anytime around them but knowing my dad… he's probably going to keep her hooked up to that ventilator forever. She'll be shipped off to some long-term facility… die in slow motion."
"That's awful," Mark said. "You know what I would want, if I was Lexie? Thirty days… that's long enough to give me a chance to wake-up but it's not unreasonable."
Thirty days was better than a long-term care facility but in Meredith's opinion, it was still too long. The girl lying upstairs in the ICU was not Lexie. All of the Lexie had been scooped out and only a shell remained… Meredith did not mention anything about that to Mark, though. It was highly unlikely that Lexie would be unplugged in less than thirty days anyway.
She changed the subject. "So, um… do you want to come up to Derek's room with me when he's done? Be there when he wakes up?"
"He'll probably just want to see you…"
"No, he'll want to see you, too," Meredith assumed. "Don't mention anything to him about Arizona though, okay? Or about Lexie… he knows about the stroke and everything but I'm trying to… keep him calm."
"So he doesn't run off into the woods and grow a beard and get drunk?"
"No… well, okay; maybe that's part of it but mostly it's just because of how he was after the shooting," Meredith said. "I know you were there for him but you weren't there as much as I was; you were focused on Lexie… he was so depressed. He was depressed and… and traumatized…"
"Well, that was a little different. Derek had gotten shot and he was reeling off the memories of his dad," Mark said.
"It's not that different," Meredith said and when Mark did not say anything, she sighed. "He went to his first therapy appointment last week. Don't you dare let him know that I told you this but afterwards, he… he cried in my arms. He said they were talking about the shooting and his dad. I think he's putting on just as much of a front to me as I am to him."
Mark frowned. "It sounds like you both need some therapy. Can you talk to Rehmani or Wyatt and see if you can go together?"
"I don't know… maybe," Meredith said but she was sure that would be a disaster. Wyatt would ask way too many questions. She would tell Derek things that Meredith was not comfortable with Derek knowing… it was too much.
For the next hour, the two plane crash survivors sat next to each other in the waiting room, talking very little and thinking far too much. Meredith was thinking too much, anyway… about Derek and Lexie, about Arizona and Cristina… and she had a feeling that Mark was, as well, because she and Mark cared about virtually the same people. Meredith was closer to Cristina and Mark was closer with Arizona but they both loved Derek and Lexie dearly.
Finally, Schacter made his way out into the waiting room, still dressed in his full set of surgical scrubs. Meredith promptly stood up and helped pull Mark to his feet.
"He did great," Schacter reported. "Everything went beautifully. He should be able to start physical therapy in a few weeks and then return to work whenever he has full range-of-motion. I anticipate a full recovery."
Meredith sighed with relief. "Thank God… did you do a postoperative CT or EEG?"
"It… wasn't brain surgery, Dr. Grey. It was just his hand," Schacter said.
This meant nothing to Meredith, who knew that anything could happen when anesthesia was involved. "Do a CT and then hook him up to an EEG. Trust me, you don't want to start with me today."
Thankfully, Schacter did as he was told and if he was annoyed with Meredith, he did not show it. Once he had returned a second time to inform her that Derek's CT appeared completely normal, he led both Meredith and Mark back up to the orthopedic wing where Derek was resting comfortably, the anesthesia working its way out of his body.
It was the first time that Derek had ever had non-emergent surgery. During the shooting, and his other two operations when they were first rescued… his life had been on the line. Now, Derek was relatively healthy but that did not stop Meredith from taking her husband's hand and stroking his hair gently just like she did on that day two years ago.
She was not sure, but she thought that she saw Mark, out of the corner of her eye, turn in the opposite direction and pretend to be preoccupied with his phone. Perhaps the public affection was too much, or maybe he just did not want to witness a happy couple when his soulmate was in the ICU.
Either way, Mark did not have to sit idly for long because this time, it did not take Derek much time to wake-up. Only thirty minutes had passed since Meredith and Mark had arrived in Derek's room when the latter stirred and let out a low, sleep-filled groan.
Meredith gave his hand an extra squeeze and resumed stroking his hair. "Derek? I'm here. I'm right here."
"W-What happened?" Derek opened his eyes, drowsily, then immediately shut them again, too exhausted to exert any extra strength.
"You're just waking up from surgery. It went really well. Schacter thinks your hand is going to be fine."
Derek blinked a few times, coming to terms with reality. "Oh… I'm… w-wait… wait, I'm… on the… boat."
"The boat?"
"I'm on the… the ferryboat…"
Meredith exchanged a look with Mark, who was cracking up. "He thinks he's on a ferryboat?"
"Apparently," Meredith said and she rubbed her husband's shoulder; perhaps he was still dreaming. "Derek? Wake-up… it's me, Meredith. Wake-up; you're in the hospital."
"I know I'm here, I'm… I work here," Derek said, a drowsy grin on his face. "D-Damn… Meredith and I need to… slow down. I can't be… feeling like this when I'm… I'm cutting into people's brains…"
Now Mark was absolutely losing it; his eyes were watering and he was clutching his abdomen to steady his ribs from the abrupt bouncing. "Has he ever done this before?"
"No, never," Meredith said. "I mean, he hasn't had a ton of surgeries but he wasn't like this when he woke-up after the shooting or after his other surgeries in the past month."
Mark strolled over, holding back his hysterical giggles. "Hey, bro. How're you feeling?"
"W-What the… you don't get… you don't get to ask… that," Derek mumbled, incoherently. "You're… you're sleeping with… my wife…"
"No, I'm not, man. That was a long time ago and Addison's not your wife anymore. You're with Meredith, remember? And I'm with Lexie… or I mean… I am if she ever wakes up from her coma."
Derek shook his head. "N-No, I'm… I don't want… Addison. I w-want… M-Meredith!"
"Yeah, and I'm right here. I'm right here, Derek," Meredith said and grabbed his good hand. "What do you need?"
"I need… I need you to… take your pants off…"
Meredith felt her face turn pink. "Yeah, but we can't do that right now. You're just waking up from surgery. We'll do that later, once you're better, okay?"
"N-No… no, now," Derek begged. "Not… after surgery… now's when I need it and… and I need… Meredith."
"Do you want me to go get Dr. Schacter?" Mark offered.
"Um… yeah, that might be a good idea," Meredith said. She did not think anything was wrong with Derek; this happened to patients sometimes when they were processing anesthesia. It had happened to Meredith when she had appendicitis and when she had her wisdom teeth extracted as a teenager.
Meredith would never forget the way she had clutched onto her mother, begging for a strawberry milkshake. Well, she would never forget the stories, anyway. Meredith did not remember actually doing that. She just knew that Ellis Grey had not been pleased by her daughter's drug tolerance.
Still, it would be smart to have Schacter come and examine Derek. Mark limped out of the room on his crutches and it seemed like an eternity before he returned with the orthopedic surgeon. In the meantime, Meredith had to deal with Derek who was attempting to grab her boobs but mainly just slapping her stomach.
Finally, there was a knock on the door; Meredith turned to see Schacter walking through the door with Derek's chart open in front of him. "Is he coming around?"
"Er… sort of but he's a little confused," Meredith said.
"Well, he's just waking-up from the anesthesia; it's normal for things to be a little fuzzy," Schacter said. He bent over in front of Derek to measure his vitals. "Hello, Dr. Shepherd! How are you feeling?"
Derek stuck his tongue out, like he was trying to get feeling back in his mouth. "I can't talk… now. I'm… I'm having hot… sex with my wife… on… on the ferryboat."
Schacter froze, Mark laughed, and Meredith sighed. "See what I mean?"
"And… and then we're going… for… for food," Derek continued. "We're gonna… gonna get… um… some of the… the cupcakes. Meredith… she won't think… I'll eat them. I never… used to eat them. But I'm g-gonna… I'm gonna eat the… cupcakes now. M-Meredith… she's gonna be… so proud. She'll be so proud… she'll give me… more sex."
"Does your husband have a history of… this, Dr. Grey?" Schacter asked, straightening up again.
"No… in the past, when he's woken up from surgeries, he's actually been really anxious."
"Well, I suppose every surgery can be a bit different," Schacter said. "Give him some time. Have him drink some water, if you can. The anesthesia should ware off soon."
Meredith knew the drill; she nodded. "Okay, but everything else looks good?"
"Everything looks stable, yes," Schacter approved. "Now, real quick, before I go… just a few of the usual questions; I'm sure you're familiar with them. Dr. Shepherd, can you tell me your full name?"
Derek thought for a moment and Meredith was about to get concerned when he blurted out, "I'm… I'm McDreamy!"
"Oh, God," Meredith whispered; her face was darkening from pink to red and Mark was rolling in his chair. If nothing else, Derek's behavior was entertaining and helpful to the man who had been crying every day.
"Right, yes but… what is your legal name?" Schacter pressed.
"M-McSteamy… no, I… McDreamy…" Derek said and then he changed tones and shouted, "I'M THE SEATTLE GRACE BRAIN BUTCHER!"
Schacter took a deep breath. "Okay, I think that's as far as we're going to get right now. You'll keep me updated, Dr. Grey?"
"Yeah, um… yeah, I will," Meredith said and Schacter practically sprinted out of the room. She turned back to her husband. "Derek, do you know where you are?"
Derek was fiddling with one of his IV tubes. "I'm… I'm not stupid, you know… I'm… I'm actually… really smart."
"I know you are… you're a neurosurgeon; you're very smart," Meredith said. "So can you tell me where you are?"
It took another few seconds; Derek looked around and he nodded, professionally. "I'm in the Bahamas."
"Okay," Meredith said and she started to smile. It was not the end of the world. It was actually pretty funny. She just had to learn how to laugh again. Mark was holding his phone; he was videotaping the scene. "Um… who are you in the Bahamas with?"
"M-My wife," Derek replied, matter-of-factly. "My hot… amazing… sexy wife… Meredith. And my… our… kids."
Kids? As in, plural? Meredith thought to herself. Yes, Derek was confused but this was a new level of crazy if he thought that he had more than one child.
"Oh, really? How many kids do you have?" Meredith wondered.
"Ten," Derek said. "Ten plus… plus Zola… cause… cause I'm M-McDreamy…"
"Right, you're McDreamy and you couldn't keep Meredith off of you," Meredith said. Somehow, she could sense that Derek did not recognize her but that was fine. He would get a good laugh out of this later.
"Hey, Derek," Mark chimed in. "What are you doing right now?"
"W-Who is that?" Derek asked.
"It's me… it's Mark. McSteamy, remember?"
"Right," Derek said. "Right but… but you're not McSteamy… I mean, McDreamy. There's only one McDreamy. That's me and I'm… I'm tired. I've been… surfing and… and stuff. I'm… hungry."
Meredith stood up. "I'll get you something, okay? I'll get you some um… some water."
"That sounds… amazing," Derek said.
Carefully, Meredith poured a small cup of water from the nearby pitcher, added a straw, and held it to Derek's lips. "Here you go…"
"Oh, God… yum," Derek said as he sucked on the liquids. "God, that's… that's amazing; it… it tastes like… heaven. I've… I've been there… you know… thank you, baby."
"You're welcome, baby," Meredith grinned back. "Do you need anything else?"
"Just… just you, baby," Derek said. "Come here and… and tell me about… the song."
"The song?"
"Our song… our… our love story."
"Okay, um… I'll tell you our love story," Meredith said and took a deep breath, thinking back to the night before her intern year was due to begin. "Once upon a time… there was this girl in a bar. She had a story… a complicated story but she didn't want anyone to know about it because she was dark and twisty inside. So when she met this guy… this perfect guy in the bar… she didn't even tell him her name. All this girl did was get the guy drunk and bring her back to her house the night before she was supposed to start her new job.
"That's all either of them thought it was going to be… a quick, one-night-stand that would serve as an escape from stressful, everyday life…"
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"What the hell do you mean, you're leaving?!"
Four days had passed since Derek's surgery. Four, long days had dragged by with Derek complaining about his awful state of delirium while coming off of anesthesia, and throughout those four days, Meredith had not spoken to Cristina or her biological family once. She knew that Thatcher remained stationed at Lexie's bedside and that Molly had Laura and Aiden flown to Seattle as unaccompanied minors, but Meredith was avoiding everyone, focusing only on Derek and their fast-approaching move into the Dream House.
And now, out of nowhere, Cristina had called Meredith and told her that she was leaving Seattle for good.
"I don't know why you sound so surprised; I told you I was going to Mayo and you told me you were going to Boston," Cristina said over the phone.
"Yeah, I did but that was before the plane we were on dropped out of the sky," Meredith said.
"And why exactly does that change things?"
Meredith would have thrown her hands into the air but she could not execute the motions; she was carrying Zola with one arm and holding her phone with the other. "I… I don't know because everything is different?!"
"No, actually, everything is exactly the same as it's always been. This is Seattle Grace Mercy Death and if I were you, I would get the hell out while I still could," Cristina said. "Look, my car is packed and I'm outside the house. If you want to see me before I leave, you need to get down here now."
"Okay, I… I'll be right there," Meredith said. She hung up the phone and rushed into the master bedroom where Derek was lying in bed.
"Mer, look at this," he said, turning his laptop in her direction. "Mark put that video of me on Facebook… why the hell does he think this is funny?!"
"Probably because it is funny," Meredith said; she closed Derek's laptop and threw it aside. "Here, I need you to take Zola for a minute… I have to go see Cristina."
"Right now?" Derek asked, awkwardly balancing his daughter with one arm. "Can you drive?"
Meredith had not attempted to drive since the plane crash. It had been more than a month since the surgeons were rescued, though. Cristina, who had barely been released from the psych ward, was planning on commuting all the way to Minnesota. Sooner or later, Meredith would have to jump back on the horse.
"Yeah, um… Wyatt cleared me to drive short-distances a few days ago."
That was a lie. Meredith hated how much she had been lying to Derek, to everyone, but her sessions with Wyatt had not been getting anywhere. And Meredith had a driver's license; there were no restrictions. It was not like she was technically forbidden to drive in the state of Washington.
"Okay, well… what's going on? What's so urgent?" Derek pressed.
"I don't know. Cristina seems to think she's moving to Mayo, like, right now and I need to stop her," Meredith said. "I mean, I don't think her collarbone has even totally healed yet."
"She's running," Derek summarized.
"Yeah, she's running."
In a sense, Meredith did not blame her. If Derek had died in the plane crash, Meredith knew that she would have run, too, as far away from Seattle as she could get. But no one had died, not officially. Lexie was practically braindead and Arizona had lost a leg, but according to Meredith, that meant that the surgeons should stick together more than ever. Their meeting with Bayview Aeronautics was approaching. It was not time for Cristina to jet off across the country.
"Okay, well, be safe," Derek said as Meredith rushed out the door.
Reaching Cristina as quickly as possible was a priority but Meredith knew she needed to take her time as she got behind the wheel of her Jeep. She could hardly remember what it was like to drive and the thought of navigating a motor vehicle on the busy streets of Seattle was terrifying. If Meredith made one wrong move, she could end up crushed in wreckage all over again.
She took it slow… she did not go over fifty miles per hour, even on the highway. Cristina was standing outside of the firehouse apartment that she shared with Owen when Meredith arrived, a shiny, new Toyota Corolla next to her.
Meredith pulled her Jeep over onto the shoulder of the road; she knew before looking that it was the worst parking job of her life. Meredith was practically hyperventilating from the transportation. She jumped out of the car and approached Cristina, her mouth hanging open. "What the hell? You bought a new car?"
"Yeah, but I was already planning on doing that to congratulate myself on passing the Boards," Cristina said. "What the hell are you doing still driving that junker? You know you're going to be getting a huge raise."
Meredith had not yet negotiated the financial details of her contract. She was aware, though, that she would be making significantly more money as a fellow than she ever did as a resident. Meredith had just not taken the time to think about what she would do with that money.
"Yeah, um… I guess my mind's been a little preoccupied," Meredith confessed. "But stop distracting me. Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
Cristina nodded. "Yes, it's one highway all the way to Minnesota through Montana, cross one of the Dakotas, I can't remember which…"
"No, I meant by leaving. Are you sure you're okay with it? Are you sure it's the right thing to do?"
"Meredith, not you, too. Owen just tried to…"
"Well, yeah because I'm worried that you're just running away," Mereidth interrupted.
"Well, yeah, I am! I'm fleeing like Bambi from a forest fire, and so should you, because horrible things happen here," Cristina said.
"No, something horrible happened and we should stick together…"
Cristina was getting downright angry. "You know what? We have stuck together. And we've grown together, like two gnarled trees twining around each other, trying to survive."
"Survive what?! Cristina, this is life!" Meredith shouted. "Bad things happen. It's hard… you find your people, you find your person, and you lean on them."
"Oh, God love you, Mer," Cristina snorted. "You know, so many horrible things have happened to you and maybe you're okay with it, but you shouldn't be. Go to Harvard, go anywhere except here, seeing your dead sister around every corner…"
"Hey!" This was the breaking point; Meredith was not going to tolerate this any longer. "Hey, for your information, Lexie isn't dead yet!"
"Not legally but come on, Mer. We all know she's a turnip."
Both women went silent. Meredith stared at Cristina and Cristina stared at Meredith and Meredith fought back the tears that were swimming in her eyes. "Y-You… you did not just say that…"
"I… I didn't mean it like that…"
"Oh, no. You meant it," Meredith said. "Look… I know Lexie's probably never coming back. And Derek might never operate again. And Alex is leaving. Everyone is leaving and everyone is dying and when Lexie dies, I'm going to be stuck here all by myself trying to comfort my dad and Mark."
"Mer, I'll come back when Lexie dies…"
"Really? When it's time to pull the plug, I'll call you and you'll just get on a plane?" Meredith knew the odds and the odds were that none of the plane crash survivors were getting on an aircraft anytime soon.
Cristina sighed. "I will figure something out. If and when Lexie dies, I'll be here for you, Meredith. But right now, I need to get the hell away from this place and if I were you, I would leave, too. Your mother died here. Your husband was shot here. George died here."
"Okay, well now you sound like the same scary, loner bitch who rode in here on a motorcycle five years ago," Meredith said. "Like… like the past five years never happened."
"Well, you know, part of me wishes it hadn't!" Cristina spat.
"Oh, okay… well, then you should just go then," Meredith decided. "And you should not look back. Go."
"Meredith…"
"No, you know, Cristina… you're right. I'm not your person. And Owen isn't your person. Your person is you and it always has been."
The twisted sisters glared at each other and then Cristina did as she was told. She jumped into the driver's seat of her new, red Corolla and sped off down the street. She did not look back.
Meredith took a deep, steadying breath to keep the tears from pouring out. She squeezed her hands into fists to prevent herself from reaching for her cell phone and calling Cristina. She paced across the street and through the front doors of Seattle Grace where she promptly paged Owen Hunt 911.
The Chief of Surgery appeared less than five minutes later. "Meredith, what is it?! Is it Cristina?!"
"No, I… I mean, yeah, Cristina's gone but that's not why I paged you," Meredith said. "Um… I've actually been making a lot of progress in my sessions with Dr. Wyatt and if everything continues to go well, she's probably going to clear me to start working soon. I mean, I probably won't be able to operate for a while but I can work in the pit so I wondered if now would be a good time to talk about my new contract?"
Owen glanced at his watch. "Er… yeah, I guess I have a few minutes. Why don't you follow me up to the conference room by my office?"
"Lead the way," Meredith smiled.
When they arrived at the familiar table, Owen grabbed a standard, manilla folder out of a nearby cabinet; it was labeled with Meredith's name. "Okay, so… you'll be starting your general surgery fellowship, primarily under the direction of Webber and Bailey although you will be taking on your own caseload of patients… based on the traditional guidelines for a fellowship, your contract will last two years; does that sound right?"
"Sounds good to me," Meredith agreed.
"You're already registered with HR so that's taken care of," Owen said. "I guess all that's left is your salary. As of right now, the most I will be able to offer you is 300,000 per year but that could increase depending on your work."
Meredith paused, unsure what to say. Was Owen honestly suggesting that 300,000 dollars was less than Meredith deserved? She had been making less than 50,000 dollars each of the last five years as a resident.
"I… um, yeah… that'll be fine," she grinned.
"Alrighty, then," Owen said and after writing down a few notes on the official contract, scooted the piece of paper across the table towards Meredith. "Whenever you're ready, Dr. Grey."
Meredith took a few minutes to read over the fine print and then picked up the pen that Owen was offering and signed her name on the bottom of the page.
"Welcome back to Seattle Grace," Owen said; he handed Meredith a navy folder that read Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital. It was strikingly similar to the one that Meredith had received on the first day of her intern year.
"Thank you, Dr. Hunt."
"Got any big plans to celebrate your raise?" Owen asked.
"Um… I've been driving the same Jeep since I was in medical school so a new car is probably on the list," Meredith admitted.
Owen chuckled. "Well, go ahead and treat yourself. You deserve it."
As soon as the meeting came to a close, Meredith made her way out of the hospital. She did not want to risk running into Dr. Wyatt or worse, Thatcher and Molly. She jumped back into her Jeep and drove into the outskirts of Seattle where most of the car dealerships were located.
Meredith drove past all of them, but in her heart, she already knew what kind of car she was going to purchase. It was the same vehicle that Lexie had sworn she was going to buy once she became an attending. Meredith turned into the Lexus dealership and found one of the salesmen out front.
"Hello, ma'am!" the salesmen greeted her, brightly. "Are you looking for anything in particular today?"
"Yes, actually," Meredith said. "I've had this same old junker for almost nine years and I just got a big raise at work so… so I wanted to look into the new RX 350."
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Meredith had left the house at approximately 8:00 in the morning, and according to Derek, all she was doing was going to Cristina's house to talk her out of moving. That plan had obviously failed, and now, Meredith was icing the cake. She was returning home at 4:00 in the afternoon in a brand new Lexus.
He can't be mad. He has no right to be mad, Meredith told herself as she pulled into the driveway. When Derek had recovered physically from his gunshot wound two years ago, he had gone out and purchased a Porsche.
Deep down, though, Meredith thought that she knew the difference. Derek was in the midst of an outstanding career. He had needed a new car for a long time, and he made over two million dollars per year. Most importantly, Derek had talked with Meredith before buying his Porsche. He had confessed that he wanted to do something for himself after all he had been through and Meredith had encouraged him to get the sportscar.
Thankfully, Derek was not standing at the front door when Meredith arrived home. He was hidden away somewhere, likely putting Zola down for her nap. When Meredith walked through the front door, though, doing her utmost to pretend like everything was normal, he came running.
"Where have you been? I've called you a dozen times!"
"I'm sorry," Meredith sighed. "The whole Cristina situation was more… complicated than I originally thought."
"Did you convince her to stay in Seattle?"
"No, and by the time we finished talking… I barely even cared anymore. She's selfish; she's always been a selfish person and I really don't care if she stays here or not."
"That doesn't sound like you," Derek frowned; he slipped his good arm around her. "What's going on? Do we need to dance it out again?"
Before she could help it, Meredith smiled. That was always one of her fondest memories. During her second year of residency, she had her first major fight with her best friend. Cristina would not speak to her for weeks and one night, when Meredith was feeling especially lonesome, Derek had turned on music and danced with her in the living room, despite the fact that he absolutely hated to dance.
"I'm okay but thank you," Meredith giggled. "I doubt you're healthy enough to dance it out anyway."
"I'm extremely healthy. My liver and lungs are healed and my hand's feeling much stronger. Schacter says I can start physical therapy in a couple weeks," Derek said.
"And then you'll be operating again…"
"Well, that's the hope, but like I said… I'm fortunate, either way."
Meredith nodded and then detangled herself from Derek's arms. It was time to face the inevitable. "Okay, look, I… I need to tell you something and I need you to not freak-out."
"Last time you said that, you told me that you didn't want to move to Boston," Derek said. "Please tell me you didn't change your mind because it's too late to go back on our word to Owen."
"No, I didn't change my mind," Meredith said. "Actually, the opposite… I signed my new contract today. I ran into Owen and we just decided to get it done."
Derek's face brightened; he was genuinely ecstatic for his wife. "Mer! That's amazing. Congratulations… we should do something to celebrate."
"Yeah, that's the thing… I kind of already celebrated."
"What did you do?" Derek did not look angry, merely curious and perhaps a bit amused.
"Promise you won't be mad?"
"I… of course I won't be mad, Meredith. What did you do?"
Meredith grabbed Derek's healthy hand and tugged him through the front door, onto the porch.
"That's what I did," she said, and pointed at the brand new, black Lexus sitting in the driveway.
At first, Derek froze up completely, and then his eyes bulged. "You… you bought a car?!"
"Please don't be mad," Meredith repeated. "Please, you have no right to be mad. I know I should have talked with you first but I'm making 300 grand this year and… and after the shooting, you bought your Porsche…"
"Meredith, I'm not mad," Derek said.
"You're not?"
"No, why would I be mad? You've needed a new car for years. Actually, if you didn't buy something for yourself soon, then I was probably going to get you something for Mother's Day or your birthday."
"Really?"
"Really."
Meredith sighed with relief. She did not know why she had been so worried about Derek's reaction. He could have a temper sometimes, but it was not like Meredith was afraid of her husband. Usually, if he started yelling, then Meredith just screamed back twice as loud. They fought and then they made up. It was part of their relationship.
"Why did you go with Lexus, though?" Derek asked. "I thought I remembered you saying you wanted another Jeep when the time came, or a minivan."
"I… don't know. I mean, this is a crossover so it should fit Zola and her friends once she starts school," Meredith said. "Plus, I… I know this is gonna sound dumb but… Lexie always wanted a Lexus. She thought it was cute that it matched her name. She was going to buy one once she finished residency."
There was a pause, Derek put his hand on his wife's shoulder, tenderly. "Oh, Meredith… you know, Lexie might still get a chance to buy her Lexus."
"No, she won't. You're a smart neurosurgeon; you know better," Meredith said, referencing the silly statement Derek had made after his last surgery.
He smiled, sadly. "But I've been wrong before. There have been times, I… I thought a patient was gone and they've come back."
"If Lexie wasn't Lexie… if she was just some random girl that had been in an accident and you were her doctor, what would you recommend? Would you tell my dad to keep her on life support?"
"I… I don't know," Derek said and Meredith sighed so he continued. "I don't know because I haven't personally examined her. I haven't seen her scans. I would need more information to give a suggested care plan."
"She has minimal brain activity, Derek."
"She did last time you saw her. When's the last time you saw your sister, Meredith?"
Meredith had to think about it. It was the night that Lexie was originally supposed to wake-up, the night that she had suffered her stroke.
"More than a week ago," Meredith said. "I just… I've been trying to avoid my dad."
"I know but something might have changed since the last time you saw her. We have the meeting with Bayview on Thursday. Go see her tomorrow and then on Thursday, if everything's okay, you can bring me."
"To see Lexie? You can't be her doctor."
"I'm not going to be her doctor. I just want to visit her. She's my little sister, too," Derek smiled and Meredith leaned her head onto his shoulder.
"I'm glad you're here."
Derek kissed her on the forehead. "I'm glad I'm here, too, although I'm not sure where else I would be."
Meredith opened her mouth and then closed it again. She could tell him about the possibilities… about how Derek had almost died a dozen times out in the woods and how Meredith thanked her lucky stars every day that her husband had survived. She could tell him about how she still woke-up in the middle of the night and watched him breathe, just in case he stopped.
There was no need for that though. Derek was happy, relatively speaking and Meredith was determined to keep it that way.
"Do you want to go on a ride? See my new car up close and personal?" she offered.
"You know I'd love to," Derek said. "But we probably shouldn't leave our daughter alone in the house."
Luckily, right as Derek said this, there were approaching footsteps and Alex appeared at the top of the staircase, home early from work.
"Karev!" Derek exclaimed, the joy evident in his voice. "Perfect timing. Meredith and I have something, er… very important to do. Would you mind keeping an eye on Zola for us for an hour or so?"
"Okay," Alex agreed. "Hey, what's with the Lexus in the driveway? We didn't acquire another roommate, did we?"
"No, we're not doing anymore roommates because this place is probably going up for sale in the next week," Meredith said. "That's my car."
"The Lexus is your car?"
"Yeah, I signed my new contract today so I decided to treat myself."
"Wow, that's nice. You wouldn't want to let me take a ride around town in that, would you?" Alex asked.
Meredith shrugged. "Maybe later but like Derek said, we have something important we have to do first. Besides, you can buy your own fancy car once you get to Hopkins."
At this comment, Alex went inside, almost certainly not in the mood to start another argument about Hopkins. Meredith turned back to her husband and ran her fingers through the beautiful, dark curls atop his head. "Are you ready?"
"I'm ready," Derek said.
"You're healthy?"
"I'm healthy."
Everything about Derek, other than his hand was healthy, anyway and for right now, that was going to have to be enough. It had been more than a month since the plane crash. It had been more than a month since Meredith and Derek shared any true intimacy. Meredith was unsure if her ribs were 100 percent healed but in all likelihood, once she and Derek got started, her pain would be forgotten.
They positioned themselves right outside the Lexus, hidden between the bushes that lined either side of the driveway. Meredith slid her hands down Derek's chest, around his waist, soaking in every inch of his gorgeous body. She was not sure how, but in the month since they had last been intimate, Meredith seemed to have forgotten the magnitude of her husband's beauty.
Derek appeared to be having the same revelation. Pressing his wife against the driver's side door, Derek touched his lips to hers, softly at first, and then harder, with more passion… Meredith's tongue explored Derek's mouth and already, the former was unsure how long she would be able to hold out.
"Mer…" he whispered; Derek's hand clutched at Meredith's chest, doing its best to unbutton her shirt with limited resources.
"Here, I… I'll help," Meredith said. "I have another surprise. I… I bought something else today… after the Lexus…"
"Something for me?"
"I… yes, I… I guess so," Meredith breathed. She cast her top aside and revealed the black, lacy lingerie she had picked up at Victoria's Secret on the way home. Meredith did not typically buy herself a lot of new clothes, but this was a special occasion. She felt Derek's shudder of pleasure as he glimpsed her figure.
Less than five minutes later, they were both in the driver's seat; Meredith was straddling herself on Derek's lap. It scarcely reminded her of the time they had had sex at the party Izzie threw intern year… Bailey caught them in the act and after that, did everything in her power to make Meredith's residency a living hell.
Derek's pants were bunched on the floor of the Lexus; he was in the process of removing Meredith's jeans when the first real throb of pain shot up her abdomen. She moaned, yet managed to turn it into a moan of elation.
"It's… it's been too long," Derek said. Meredith made a soft sound of agreement in between the kisses that Derek planted along her neck.
And then, just as Derek had removed Meredith's matching thong, the pain came back and this time, there was no use trying to fool him. Meredith was borderline nauseous; she squirmed away, freeing herself.
Derek quickly backed off. "I… I'm sorry; are you okay?"
"I'm… I'm okay, just… don't touch that spot… again…"
"Which spot?"
"Um… I don't know, like… right here," Meredith said, fingering her aching abdomen.
It was going to be difficult, if not impossible to have sex without touching one another's abdomens but Derek nodded. "Okay, yeah, just… I'll just…"
They shifted positions and suddenly, Derek groaned as well, and it was not a good type of groan. "Are you okay?"
"I'm… I'm fine," Derek said, gasping for air.
Meredith pulled herself off of her husband, panting. "M-Maybe… it's a little… soon for this?"
"No, I'm fine. I'm fine, don't stop," Derek pleaded.
"You're having trouble breathing, like… more than normal," Meredith said. "It's probably from your lung surgery and I don't know about you but… but my ribs are killing me."
His guard had been pushed down; Derek's demeanor crumpled. "Dammit…"
"It's okay," Meredith said. "It's okay; it's only been a little over a month. We'll get the hang of it."
"B-But I… I wanted to baptize… your new car…"
"I did, too," Meredith admitted. She rolled over into the passenger seat and slowly began to put her clothes back on.
It was not really that, though. Meredith had bought her Lexus on a whim; it was her pathetic attempt to honor Lexie. More than anything, what Meredith wanted was to prove to herself, and to Derek, that one aspect of their lives was the same as before the plane crash. She wanted them to be able to make love. She wanted to be able to tell Dr. Wyatt that she was getting better and Meredith wanted to not feel like a complete and utter scam.
Both of them grunting slightly from their various body aches, Meredith and Derek got out of the car and made their way inside. Zola had woken-up from her nap and Alex was bouncing her on one hip, while at the same time, carrying a basket of laundry.
"We finished early. I can take her back now, Alex," Meredith said.
"Oh, thank God," Alex said. He passed Zola over to her mother. "Sorry, I normally would be able to do more but right now, things are just kinda hectic."
"Yeah, why are you home so early?"
"Stark is going to be up there all night so hunt said I could come home early to finish packing," Alex explained. "There's nothing I'm going to be able to do for Arizona so… so I'm heading to Hopkins."
Meredith's heart, which was already struggling to remain optimistic, was sinking all the way to the ground. "Like… now? You're going to Hopkins now?"
"Either tomorrow or the next day, yeah," Alex said and sighed at the look on Meredith's face. "Come on, Mer… you knew this was gonna happen eventually. I've already put it off twice."
"B-But Cristina left this morning. And Lexie…" Meredith stopped short. She could not stand herself anymore. She hated that she had become this woman that was literally begging her adult friends to remain in Seattle because she was lonely. Meredith should be happy. She had Derek and Zola… she should be happy…
Alex understood, or at least it looked like he did; there was pain etched in the lines on his face. That did not change anything, though. Nothing was going to change anything. "I'm sorry, Mer. Really, I… I know you feel like people are forgetting about you…"
"I don't feel like that," Meredith interjected. "No, I'm fine. I am incredibly lucky to be alive and you should… you should take your chance while you still have it, Alex. You should go to Hopkins and become a pediatric God."
"You're going to be the Goddess of General Surgery; I hope you know that," Alex said. "Seriously, once Webber's retired and Bailey's Chief of Surgery, you're gonna be Chief of General. You're probably gonna win a Harper Avery someday… I mean, I'll win it first but you'll win, too."
"Thanks, Evil Spawn," Meredith said. "Hey, um… I don't think either Derek or I feel like cooking. Do you want to order Chinese food or something?"
Alex rolled his eyes. "You hate Chinese food."
"I know but you love it and Derek loves it… I'm pretty sure Zola likes it," Meredith said. "Come on, we can celebrate. Cristina's on her way to Mayo and you're going to Hopkins. I'll be starting my fellowship here. Let's order Chinese food."
"Okay, but you're paying since you have that fancy new contract," Alex said.
"Deal."
Perhaps it was an inclination of how far they had come… when Meredith was first discharged from the ICU, she had sat idly on the couch while Alex had pizza delivered and practically forced her to eat. Now, on what was potentially Alex's last night in Seattle, Meredith was on the phone ordering from Little China while her friend ran around the house, throwing his belongings into suitcases.
If this was progress, though, then it was nothing like the journey that Meredith had experienced after past traumas. In the months following the shooting, for example, Meredith had pretended to be okay and pretended to heal and eventually, it seemed, she was okay. She was healed. She was the strong one, the one there for Derek and Cristina as they dealt with their PTSD.
Things will change, Meredith told herself. You have no choice; you have to get better at some point.
To assist herself in the meantime, though, Meredith reached into her purse and retrieved her supply of clonazepam, courtesy of Dr. Wyatt. She opened the medicine bottle and had just swallowed a pill when she realized that there were no more white capsules left.
Meredith had taken her last clonazepam, nearly a full week early, and now she had nothing to cushion the impact of losing Lexie.
I hope you enjoyed! I am trying to mix a little more humor into this story because I know it's super dark and depressing. Hope you enjoyed Derek on morphine and the hint of MerDer porn. If you did, PLEASE don't forget to review! Reviews are so important to me and encourage me to continue writing.
The next two chapters are going to be super important to the plot of this story, too, and they shouldn't be quite as repetitive as this has been so far! Thank you again so much for reading. It means so much to me to know there are other people who want to keep the legends of MerDer and Slexie alive.
Xoxo, merderpedia :)