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Chapter 10: Green About The GillsI woke, aching everywhere, my eyelids stuck shut. My throat, I had trouble swallowing the metallic flavor from my mouth. Even as I was taking stock, cramps echoed through gut and legs, binding already sore muscles.
Something was shielding my eyes. Puffing some air, it was difficult to speak. "Hh- waa-."
"Of course, General." A clone, but which one was unclear, lifted me and set a straw to my lips.
As soon as the water touched my mouth, it was almost directly absorbed. So I drank steadily, as much as I could.
Cramps stopped me before I could feel satisfied. I felt a little better, but still thirsty and hungry. I tried to ask how long, but I could tell my words were unclear.
"Approximately fifty hours, General. Chelation and clearing the poison started right away as you were unconscious. Less unpleasant that way."
I had accepted my necessary and inevitable death, so every day with Leia and Luke was a gift. But this had been the first for months. "Hhank-u."
He patted my shoulder. "We're not done yet, Sir. In an hour or two you're going into the bacta tank to help with the muscle damage from those convulsions and help your skin and scalp. You can go to sleep if you want..."
Finally sure, I managed to say, "Kix. 'Ex?"
Another pat. "Yes, General. He comes by every few hours. He'll be glad to see you. You can rest now."
That seemed good advice, but I would meditate first. But I could not feel the Force, not really. I forced my panic down into meditation that left me sleepy and nearly in a doze.
Maybe I had slept, because I woke to feeling the touch of fingers along my head. When I opened my eyes, Vader sat next to my bed, without the damned mask.
Sliding a little closer, his eyes were a frantic molten gold, glistening too much. "Master! I'm so sorry, I should have listened to you." **Force, your hair!**
Those thoughts hurt like burning thorns, and I could not prevent a wince away. Nor could I marshal any shield or speech. "Rrr!" I growled in my frustration.
He winced and let go.
My breaths were short and shallow. I repeated one thought over and over. No blame, no blame, no blame. I did not blame him for this.
Not this.
"General. You must slow your breathing or you will pass out. We'll start with two count. Breath in.. one.. two, out.. one.. two." Kix was on my other side.
**Let me help, Master.** His eyes shifted to almost blue again.
I managed to abort the wince and reached to pat near his arm, but he felt the wince. I tried to stiffen my throat. "S'ree. T purns. Dar'nss." I took a deeper breath and started holding to three as Kix was coaching.
My once Padawan's fist hit the mattress and the bed shook.
A few minutes after my breathing was clearer and when my arms moved more as I wished, I patted his arm. "Wins?"
He looked up, on the edge of exhaustion. "They are fine. The assassins sent a speeder through the wall, just down from our rooms. I took care of them in the hall. They didn't sleep through it, Luke was acting up the entire time you were gone. Until he went silent… at least a minute before the impact." There was some pride in the tale. "Did you try to contact me?"
I nodded, regretting that more had not gotten through.
Angry annoyance was back and his jaw set. But it was not directed at me. He addressed the medic with a threat in his voice. "Get him the best care, if you have any problems getting anything he might need, direct them to me."
Making a gurgling sound to get his attention, I patted his arm again. "Tranz."
He always made a face, but he didn't speak about it this time.
I opened myself to the trickles I could barely feel, and begin my meditation, asking the Light's help to heal.
The next time I reached consciousness I was warmer in a medical gown, both my thoughts and breathing were clearer. That left me curious, and I reached to my head.
Only ragged patches remained on my head. I reached down along my jaw, and that was also... decimated. My major vanity, cultivated so long ago, both to appear older and honor my Master. I had lost it before for missions, but not like this.
I knew this feeling was shallow and unworthy of a Master, but it was one of the few things I wanted to hold on to, to be attached to myself as a Jedi. My need for meditation on that was embarrassing after the years of study and discipline. But these feelings at the end were pointless. The hair served no special benefit in my life, and hopefully it would regrow.
After all, neither Yoda nor Mace were over-blessed.
"Ah, General. Done resting for now? Could you finish this broth and this highly nutritious punch with 89 vitamins and nutrients, but no flavor?" Kix knew this was the point where many of his patients started to escape.
I had to smile. "I could. But wouldn't that ruin my record for escaping medical care too soon?"
He laughed, a livelier reaction than from most clones since. Since. "I'm glad you're feeling better. The poison was a metal alloy, I haven't seen anything about this recipe's effects, but the base is an ancient poison. You should recover completely… As long as you finish your treatment." Kix's pointed glare at the punch was clear.
I drank it in one shot, not that willing to taste it, but hiding surprise that the cuffs were gone.
"Other good news is that it wasn't chronic, no trace in your hair or the children's."
As much as I'd worried, I had not expected that possibility. "Can I see them?"
"Later today, perhaps. Lord Vader has barely left their company since the attacks."
I heard a knock at the doorway, and saw Rex shuffling his feet just outside the doorway. "Do you have a scooter to get me out of here, Captain?"
"Kix outranks me right now, General." Rex came in, looking wary. "I missed all your disturbance the other day, just the cleanup."
I nodded and smiled. "I would have rather missed this particular disturbance as well."
And yet, there was no one I could discuss what really happened, not even Rex.
Kix spoke up again. "No one doubts it would have been a faster beat down if the Team was still active, sir." He paused, upset. "Not that I begrudge you your retirement, Sir. You had to be hurt because of all those traitors."
That brought a pang of sadness, that all my brothers had become a footnote of evil. "Betrayal is more painful than any physical injury."
"Yes," Rex said heavily.
Kix checked my readings after a moment. "The Captain may remain for ten minutes before you should rest again, General."
Rex came in and carefully sat in the chair beside my bed. "I found some children's books in the Undercity. Most are in good shape and all are clean."
"I'll look forward to that, Rex." I took a careful breath and held it to prove to myself I could. "How are Leia and Luke really doing? There were quite upset when I left, especially Luke."
"Miss Leia was fine the next morning, when I found her sleeping on her father. Master Luke was the first of them to wake. He's been fussier that usual."
"They have their moods, usually disjoint. I don't know what else to talk about, Rex. It's not like I've ever had the time for the opera season, let alone now with two babies." I'd enjoyed research trips in the Archives, but I doubted they existed anymore.
"You'll be back soon enough. Lord Vader nearly bounced Elevens this morning, but he stopped in time."
I took a deep breath and looked at Rex to see his hidden concern. "Why did he stop?"
"A baby squawk. Dunno which, as they were both unhappy."
I forced a chuckle. "Droids always were in greater danger when he was angry at them."
Rex laughed himself and waved a goodbye on his way out, and Kix followed.
I thought for a while, and when I finished, I knew what I had to do next. I called out, "Kix!" When he arrived I said, "Do you have a few minutes? I'd like to shave it all, so it's even before Leia and Luke see me again."
The medic's concern became understanding. "Of course, General."
His presence in the Force was growing closer, still weak despite the missing bracelet cuffs.
Shaving, and later trimming my beard, was sometimes a meditation when I was most annoyed. It wasn't as relaxing when someone else did it, but I did not yet trust my steadiness for detail work.
When he finished, I felt my chin and scalp, remembering waking yesterday. I was not sure if I wanted to see myself: pale skin that probably still looked too young, tired eyes that have seen too much and struggles for serenity… and bald as an egg. Not that I had a choice, bald had more dignity than the sparse tufts of hair that remained.
Remembering Hardeen, I was reluctant to evoke that time again. That was the first time he seriously tried to hurt me, and it was always a painful memory. The rage when he found me. I'd thought was mere grief, instead of the tip of an iceberg.
"General, let us see if you are able to go to the fresher and back?"
My lips curved up at his tentative encouragement with some firmness. I was a flight risk, and retained enough honorary rank that I could be difficult.
But not yet today.
Walking to the sink in the fresher took far more effort than it should and revealed two things. One, a chunk of coppery phlegm in my upper throat that didn't dislodge until I was walking, worried Kix. It was sent off for medical tests. The second was that my appearance was dismaying. My skin was too pale: gray with a greenish hint. Totally bald head, right down to missing eyebrows. A few scars I'd forgotten were still clear in the hairless terrain of my flesh.
I wasn't sure it was me in the mirror and the bald man reached for me as well.
It was only hair.
"Bobo!" "Bobo, Bobo!"
Vader, all in black again, was carrying Leia and Luke into the room.
I turned too quickly, and gripped the sink as Kix reached to support me again.
"See, Dada said Bobo was fine." With the mask on, his mood was less clear.
I shuffled back to the nearest chair while Kix left us as soon as I dropped into the chair.
"Let me sit first, dear ones." I caught my breath and reached for them. "I missed you so much, young ones."
Waving his arms and crowing delight, Luke floated over, followed by a quieter Leia. They both patted my chin and head, puzzled. They started talking, and about all I could pick out were a few names they mastered.
I smiled and nodded, hugging them closer wile I rested. When they wound down, they fell asleep clutching my medical gown. I was glad to feel their untainted Light so close in this ruins of a palace.
My hand was grabbed and a cuff returned to my wrist.
My heart sank as I looked at the reflections on the mask.
The Force trickles dropped to sand eddies. "Things will change when you return to your duties."