A/N: I'm on time today! Yes! Thank you Kathy, for your review. Unfortunately I can't reply to you any other way because you're not signed in, but I'm glad you're enjoying my story and here's what you're looking forward to ;)
I'll Always Find Peace In The Meadow
Chapter Thirty-four: 'Just trust me' (Bella POV)
Saturday 24 June 2017
Today, I complete my Saturday chores in record time. The weekly bathroom clean is done, the blinds on every window, except my mother's room, is wiped down, and the tedious job of wiping over light switches and door handles is carried out, all before 10:30AM. All that's left to do after I serve Renee her usual weekend fully cooked breakfast is make her bed, clean the blinds in her bedroom, and finally get more presentable so I can leave the house with some dignity.
Not having to worry about homework now that the school year is over for the summer allows me even more time to do things for myself, when I'm not busy completing my chores. It's one of the many things I love about summer vacation. That, and the two months of no school! I can officially say I've completed Sophomore year of High School. And surprisingly, the few tutoring sessions me and Edward had actually paid off. I passed the end of year math exams with much more ease than the mid-year ones.
I woke this morning determined to finish all my housework as soon as possible, so I can be at Edward's house for 1:00PM as planned. I am undeniably nervous for what today has in store, but mixed in with the anxiety is a whole lot of excitement. I'm seeing my meadow again! It's shocking to think that it's been over two months since I last set foot in my place. And though I've been thankful for the little push having my place taken away from me gave me to go to the cemetery to visit my father's grave, I can't deny that I've missed my meadow wholeheartedly.
With it being almost July, the weather is warmer. Living in Forks means that, even in the summer, we get rained on a majority of the time. However, today the sun is shining, which I can only hope is a sign of good things to come.
I quickly shower, washing away the sweat and grime of rushing around like a mad woman all morning, and then I take my time picking what I want to wear. While stood in front of my wardrobe, slowly stoking my way through my mostly black and grey clothes, a sudden thought invades my decision making brain. I'm taking unusual - well, unusual for me - caution in what I choose to wear. I've never done that. Not for years anyway. The thought is startling, and it rocks me to the core. It's so startling in fact, that I stumble back a bit, like the thought literally pushed me, and I clutch at the towel that's still wrapped around me.
Why am I taking so long to decide what to wear? Why am I concerned about how much darkness is in my wardrobe? Why am I freaking out about having nothing suitable to wear?
You're in denial, a small part of my brain probes at me. I want to beat it away with my trusty black converse which I've decided, for once, are too grubby to wear today. But of course the voice in my brain is correct. I am in denial.
I'm in denial because I know the answers to all those questions. Every 'why' has the same reason, a reason I know perfectly well.
It's because I'll be spending the afternoon with a certain green eyed, bronze haired boy who's become my best friend in the last couple months. A green eyed, bronze haired boy who, at some unknown point in recent time, has made my heart stutter at the thought of him and has me smiling uncontrollably. I don't really know when, but some time recently, my thoughts toward my best friend have altered. I have a feeling it was sometime this week. And I have a stronger feeling that it was at his birthday party, when he was holding me while we danced, when he was sneaking us away from his own birthday celebrations, when he had to hold back from defending me to his family. At some point, I've had some altering shift in dynamics, a shift that has my gaze drawing to his lips whenever his face is close by, that has me blushing at the mere brush of his arm against mine.
At some point, I have developed some kind of feelings for Edward. It's only a stupid crush, a stir of teenage hormones, but it's something. And all of this, now that I'm stepping back and reflecting on it, only adds to my nerves for today. Now that I've come (kinda) to terms with these strange inexplicable feelings I've been having recently, I don't know what to do with the information. Maybe it's something that's been developing over time, but no matter when or how it happened, I've acquired a crush on my best friend. And that can't be any good for either of us.
It's not like I can act on it. We're pushing the social boundaries as it is by being just friends. Imagine the uproar we'd create by being more than that. Just look at how people have reacted and treated us this week at the wrongful assumption that we're together, either in the dating capacity or just fooling around. Imagine if we confirmed that. All the ridicule would only get worse and I don't know how much more either of us can take.
Besides, Edward doesn't feel the same way. I'm his friend. Nothing more and nothing less.
I push away all of my thoughts on this for now, and get back to the frustratingly difficult task of choosing today's outfit. I huff and reach in, taking the dive (otherwise I'd be here all day) and pulling my very dark purple plaid shirt from it's hanger. It's a purple that's marginally close to being black, with white-almost-grey as well as magenta lines that make up the plaid pattern. I put a black tank top on after slipping into my underwear, before putting the plaid shirt on over the top. I don't bother buttoning it up for now as I pull my dark denim shorts up my legs. They reach mid-thigh, long enough to hide the surprisingly rapidly fading bruise on my thigh, and have frayed hems. They were originally a pair of full length jeans, but they had too many holes in the legs so I just cut them down to shorts. I understand the ripped jeans look, but I mean, come on! There has to be a line drawn somewhere. Some 'ripped jeans' can't even be called jeans. You may as well not be even wearing anything on your legs at all!
Thankful for my Converse obsession and the fact that I have a pair in practically every colour, I pull my dark purple high tops from the bottom of my wardrobe and slip them on. I look at myself in the mirror by my wardrobe. It'll do, I think to myself, ignoring my left wrist that's strapped into the splint Mr Cullen lent to me. Telling my mother that her boss' husband tended to the arm she sprained was not fun. She flipped her lid, but managed to keep her hands to herself. The verbal lashing I got was not pretty, but the fact that I came up with the plausible lie of the bookstore's back door crushing it helped conceal part of her anger.
After packing a small bag, with a blanket, a book, my journal and pen, and my little Bluetooth speaker I treated myself to a while ago, I head downstairs. It's barely midday, but I figure Edward won't mind me being a little early. He seemed eager enough over text yesterday.
Entering the kitchen to grab a couple bottles of water and two chocolate bars for Edward and I to snack on later, I notice that my mother is no longer in here eating her breakfast, but she has left her dirty - and empty - plate on the table, waiting for me to clean it up. I do just that before grabbing the items I came in for.
I peak my head around the living room door and see my mother sat on the sofa, a glass of wine in hand as she laughs at an episode of Friends. She glances at me passively, but soon whips her eyes back to me for a second look. "Going somewhere?" she asks, raising an eyebrow. I tense, instantly on alert. For the past few years, my mother has never paid any interest in what I do or where I go outside of this house. As long as I'm back for curfew and get all my chores done, she couldn't care less - or so I thought.
"Yes," I answer meekly. "Is that okay?"
She looks pensive for a second. "I suppose," she drawls after an extended pause. "Are you going to see lover boy by any chance?"
My right hand tightens around the handle of my bag at her words. He is not my lover! I want to scream that at her, but wisely don't. I don't bother correcting her in any way at all. I simply nod, wordless.
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do. And make sure you use protection. I don't need you going off and getting pregnant to any of the boys in this town, especially Edward Cullen," she says with a callous smirk, before turning her attention back to the TV. I pivot and leave the room, my jaw ticking in anger, my cheeks burning red. I can't escape the rumours even in my own home! It makes me that bit more excited to get out of here and to my best friend.
My meadow, surprisingly, isn't even in the forefront of my mind. Sure, I'm mega excited to see it again after so long, but Edward is what I'm most excited for. I'm both shocked and worried at that revelation. This crush is more serious than I originally thought.
Stupid, Bella. It's just because he's my best friend.
Yeah. That's it. Nothing more than that.
I inhale deeply and exhale loudly as I leave my house, praying today will go well.
~I*A*F*P*I*T*M~
I lean my bicycle against the tree it's become quite accustomed to over the last five years but lost touch with recently. I can't stop myself from stepping back to just stare at it for ten seconds, there, where it is meant to be. I then turn to face the Cullen's magnificent home and stop to wait for a few moments, hoping Edward miraculously knows I'm here over half an hour early and will come out to me.
He doesn't. I reluctantly walk across the wide paved drive way and up to the front door. I inhale deeply and exhale slowly before raising my hand to knock. I fiddle with the strap of my bag that's slung over my shoulders while I wait for someone to answer.
Someone eventually does: Mrs Cullen. Her face pinches up as soon as she sees it's me. Her lips tighten, her eyes narrow slightly and I can visibly see the tension enter her muscles. Wow, she really dislikes me.
"Miss Swan," she says formally, "how can I help you?"
"Hello, Mrs Cullen," I greet her, putting as much friendliness as I can into my words. "I'm here to see Edward. He's expecting me."
"Is he now," she says, and I tense up, on guard at the tone she's now using. She's gone from formal and polite, albeit forcibly so, to suspicious and clipped. "He didn't mention anything to me."
"Oh?" is all I come back with. She remains silent for many seconds, just staring at me.
"He's rather busy right now."
"Oh?" is my repeated reply to her dismissive statement. She's not getting rid of me that easily.
"Yes," she says slowly, continuing when it becomes obvious I'm not going to leave. "He's watching a movie with the girls in the media room." The girls? My confusion must be showing on my face, because she is all too pleased to clear things up for me. "Alice has some friends over. They're staying for the weekend." An entire weekend with the devil-duo, and possibly Rosalie? Oh, poor Edward.
"That's okay. I'll wait," I reply casually.
"You can if you'd like. But they've only just started the movie. He could be a while." I know what she's doing. She's trying to put me off of spending time with her son, trying to push me away. I won't let her do it.
"Okay. I'll wait." I smile with as much sincerity as I can before turning my back to her and sitting down on the doorstep. There's a long silence that follows my defiant movements, before the door slams shut behind me, causing me to jump.
I sigh and pull my phone from my bag. His mother may think that the idea of him spending time with those girls will turn me away, but I know my best friend. As soon as I text Edward, letting him know I'm here, he'll leave the movie and come up to see me.
At least I hope he will.
I get no reply to my message, telling him I'm waiting outside, but that's no bother because no more than a minute later, I hear loud voices from inside, quickly followed by the opening and closing of the front door behind me, revealing Edward, who's cursing quietly under his breath. I quickly stand, brushing my hands over my backside to rid it of imaginary dirt.
"Hey!" I say, grinning widely. He returns my enthusiasm, and pulls me into a hug.
"Hey! My mother didn't leave you out here long did she?" he asks. I don't miss the tense way he says 'mother'. I shake my head.
"No. It was my decision to wait out here. It's a lovely day," I reply, shielding my eyes to look up at the light blue sky, which is dotted with the odd cloud here and there. When I lower my head to look back at Edward, I see he's staring at me with a mild smile on his face. I blush and look down at my feet before my eyes can be drawn to that smile of his.
"So, what will you be showing me today then?" he asks, pulling me out of my concentration on my quickening heart. I glance behind me at the closed front door, wary that his mother could be on the other side, listening to her son talking to his best friend that she detests so much. I grasp his bare elbow - he obviously thinks it's quite warm today, too, having only a maroon t-shirt on with some khaki shorts and... Converse! I grin down at his shoes. I've never seen him wear these, but I love that he owns a pair of my favourite brand. It's really silly of me to be so happy about this, seeing as most people probably own at least one pair of Converse, but I don't let that erase the smile from my face.
Once I'm certain we're far enough away from the door, I stop and look back toward Edward. He's firmly focused on the trees, though he's not honed in on the exact spot where the trail begins. "I don't want to tell you yet. It's a surprise. But I recommend you go get your camera."
He glances down at me, confused. "Why?"
"Just trust me."
He looks intrigued, cocking his head while looking at me as he backs away. He holds up a finger, indicating one minute, before he jogs round the side of the house and disappears. I know he's going to use the back door to enter his room. While I wait for Edward to get his camera, I dawdle over to the trail opening. Edward is going to be very grateful I recommended he get his camera. The meadow is too beautiful to pass up being captured by a passionate photographer.
It's a hobby of Edward's that he mentioned when we first became friends. I knew instantly that it was something he was extremely passionate about, just by the way he talked about it. But since then, he hasn't mentioned it once, and I've never actually seen him taking pictures. I'd figured for a while now that it was something he liked to do in his own company, just like me and my journalling, but the immediate way he accepted my recommendation just proved to me that that's not the case. So why keep so quiet about it?
Before I can dwell on that for too long, Edward returns, black camera bag slung over his shoulder and across his chest. "Ready?" I ask, my nerves making themselves known in my shaking voice. He nods, grinning from ear to ear. "Okay. Follow me." And then I lead him beyond the treeline and onto the trail.
For the first five minutes, we are both silent. I'm marvelling in the fact that I haven't forgotten the path to my meadow, though I didn't expect to. I can hear Edward's feet breaking twigs behind me, so I know he's keeping up. I'm not walking too quickly, but I'm keeping good pace, not wanting to waste anytime that I may have in my meadow.
When I turn off the forest trail and onto an unmarked path, Edward finally speaks up for the first time. "Um, Bella, where are we going?"
I look back at him over my shoulder. He's frowning, but not looking at me. He's focused on his feet as he steps over protruding tree roots and rocks. I slow down until we're side by side and then pick up the pace, now with Edward right beside me. This part isn't too narrow, though we'll have to go back to single file in a couple minutes. "You'll see."
I feel his gaze flick to me very briefly. "This isn't the day I find out you're a serial killer, is it?"
I laugh and reach out to slap his arm. He chuckles. Is that nerves I detect? My laughing seizes as I look over at him, my mouth gaping. He wasn't joking!
"What?" he asks innocently, shrugging when he spots my shocked expression. I'm gobsmacked and almost stop walking altogether. That is until I see the smirk he's fighting, and realise he's pulling my leg.
"Asshole," I hiss, shoving at his arm with my non-splinted hand. His smirk is unleashed now, and I focus ahead of me again, before my heart rate can get any faster. This is ridiculous!
A little under ten minutes later, I come to a stop by the thorn bush I fatefully fell through all them years ago. Since then, I've managed to clear a little gap to fit through. It allows me to enter my meadow unharmed but still leaves it concealed to a potential passerby. Edward stops beside me, looking around curiously. "Is this it?" he asks, his disappointment palpable in his voice.
I chuckle, which draws his attention to me. "Nope," I reply with a firm shake of my head. And then, without another word, I walk up to the tree that's a little to my left, the one beside the thorn bush, and squeeze myself between the two, effectively disappearing from Edward's view.
"Bella?" Edward hisses quietly. Why is he whispering? I have to hold back my giggle. "Bella, where have you gone?" I roll my eyes and wait for the idiot to follow my lead. It takes him a full minute to appear on this side of the plants that hide my meadow from the other side, and the thing that stops me from sarcastically clapping at him is his look of amazement as he lays his eyes on the wonder behind me.
I haven't looked properly yet, waiting to see Edward's reaction first. I'm glad I did, because I wouldn't miss this for the world. He's speechless. His eyes are wide, his mouth gaping. In a daze, he walks past me slowly, further into the meadow. I follow him with my eyes, turning slowly as he passes until I'm too facing the beautiful sight. My eyes instinctively leave Edward as I look around at the scenery. A large lump of emotions lodges itself in my throat. I want to cry, I'm so happy that I'm back here. After thinking that I'd never set eyes on this place again, the feeling this moment brings is indescribable!
I glance back to Edward eventually, and see he's already unpacked his camera and is walking around, pointing the lense at every possible angle to snap shots of the meadow. I smile at his awed expression which is still firmly planted on his face, even during his concentration.
Leaving him to have some fun doing his thing, I walk to my favourite spot, in the center of the meadow. I unfold the blanket from my bag and spread it out before dropping to the floor. I instantly lay back and close my eyes, soaking up the sun and warm feelings just being here brings. I spend some time reacquainting myself with my place again, inhaling and exhaling deeply to absorb that natural and floral smell in the air.
My eyes pop open when I hear the familiar click of a camera. It's been faintly reaching my ears over the little while that's passed since we arrived here, sometimes closer than others, but just now was the closest it's been yet. I shield my eyes with my right hand to see where Edward is. He's not too far to my left, the camera pointing directly at me.
"What are you doing?" I ask, my tone slightly accusing. He drops the camera away from his face and holds it at his side as he comes closer. The relaxed smile on his face lessens my suspicion only a little.
"It was too good of an opportunity to pass up. You looked so at peace just then. I had to." He shrugs nonchalantly as he sits down beside me. I push myself up into a sitting position, turning so I'm facing him. We're sat identically, both with our legs crossed, knees ten inches from contact. "Bella..." he says, looking around admirably. "How did you find this place?"
"It was an accident," I admit, also looking around. "I've been coming here for years." I can sense his eyes on me again, but I don't turn back toward him.
"This is where you'd been the day we arrived in Forks, isn't it?" he asks, though he knows the answer to that question already, I believe. I nod silently. "When did you last come here?"
I sigh and face him finally. The guilt on his face tells me he already knows the answer to that question, too. "That was the last day I came here." My following shrug is a failed attempt to appear unaffected.
"I'm sorry we stopped you from coming here, Bella. If I'd had this place taken away from me, I... damn, I don't know what I'd do. It's so amazing here."
"It is, isn't it," I reply, smiling. Neither of us mention the fact that I didn't really acknowledge his apology. To be honest, I'd rather not. I'm here now and that's all that matters.
We're both silent for a while after, but it's a comfortable silence. It's like neither of us wants to break the tranquil this meadow projects. I eventually change position, after getting the two bottles of water out of my bag and handing one to Edward, I lay back down across the blanket. Edward packs away his camera and follows suit, stretching himself out beside me. I close my eyes and listen to the birds tweeting and that distinctive but very far off sound of rushing water.
"How are you feeling after this week?" Edward is the first to disrupt the silence, and I wish he hadn't chosen this subject to do it. Anything but this subject!
My eyes clench shut while I collect my very recently relaxed thoughts, trying to piece together an answer. "I don't know," I finally answer, one-hundred percent truthful. I sigh heavily. "The end of the week has been..." I pause, searching for the right word.
"Tough?" Edward finishes for me. I huff out a long breath and chuckle humourlessly.
"Yeah. Tough. I'll be thankful once I can put this week behind me."
"Too right," Edward agrees. I think that's all that he'll say on the matter, but unfortunately he goes on. "I just can't believe how much of a big deal people think this is. It was only a damn picture."
"And dancing, and hiding away in your bedroom, and escorting me to my table," I remind him, listing off all the reasons he told me his sister threw at him Wednesday morning. I wasn't at all shocked to be honest, though that hasn't lessened my anger toward it all in any way. The past few days have had me thinking of little else.
Edward continues venting and I let him say it all, listening and considering all that he says intently. It's nice having someone who can sympathise and relate with me, even if I do wish Edward didn't have to be involved in the harsh treatment I recieve from others at all. "It's just so fucking ridiculous. All of it. Why do they all care so much? Why do they treat you this way? It makes no sense. It's not just the pathetic teenagers either. It's their parents and my parents." And my mother, I add silently. "And why the hell would it matter if we were more than friends in any capacity? Why should they care? If we were dating, then they'd have to deal with it. It's no one's fucking business but our own. And if we were just fooling around, then so be it. I-"
"Why don't we?" The words, which sound way too casual to my ears, are out of my mouth before I can stop them.
Edward instantly stops ranting and bolts into a sitting position beside me. My eyes are cautiously locked on his face, which is revealing his astonishment at my way-too-casual suggestion. "What did you just say?"
A/N: Yeah, so, that just happened. Did you expect her to say that? What do you think will happen next?