A/N: Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you're enjoying this story!
This is my second try editing this chapter; my page refreshed when I was half way through and wiped this document the first time. Grrr.
I'll Always Find Peace In The Meadow
Previously...
"It's just so fucking ridiculous. All of it. Why do they all care so much? Why do they treat you this way? It makes no sense. It's not just the pathetic teenagers either. It's their parents and my parents." And my mother, I add silently. "And why the hell would it matter if we were more than friends in any capacity? Why should they care? If we were dating, then they'd have to deal with it. It's no one's fucking business but our own. And if we were just fooling around, then so be it. I-"
"Why don't we?" The words, which sound way too casual to my ears, are out of my mouth before I can stop them.
Edward instantly stops ranting and bolts into a sitting position beside me. My eyes are cautiously locked on his face, which is revealing his astonishment at my way-too-casual suggestion. "What did you just say?"
Chapter Thirty-five: 'Similar in both areas' (Bella POV)
Saturday 24 June 2017
I slowly sit up, too, now wishing I'd kept my damn mouth shut. Why did I have to go and say that? What is wrong with me? But there's no taking it back now. I'm positive, even though he's asking for a repeat, that Edward heard and understood me perfectly well the first time.
"What?" I shrug, trying to appear nonchalant.
His mouth opens and closes several times and I drop my gaze to my lap, waiting for him to tell me what he's thinking. Waiting for him to laugh in my face. Have I just ruined everything with three impulsive words?
"What do you mean?" he finally manages to ask. I shrug again and peak up at him from beneath my eyelashes, not wanting to face him completely. I don't know what's come over me, but even if I could, I wouldn't want to take what I've just said back.
"Why don't we, you know..." I trail off hoping Edward will catch my meaning, but he either really is clueless, or he's pretending to be. I huff impatiently. "Why don't we actually do... stuff together, Edward!"
"Oh," is all he says. I wait silently as I try to determine his thoughts on this, but he's irritatingly silent, just staring at me with an odd, glazed expression on his face. "Really?" he eventually asks. I'm glad he doesn't sound outraged and disgusted, but his shock doesn't do much to abate my nerves.
"Yeah. Everyone thinks we are fooling around already, so why not get something out of their tormenting. It could be... fun."
His brows shoot up at my choice of words. "You don't want to do it just because of what everyone is saying, do you?" The uncertainty and vulnerability in Edward's voice has my eyebrows pulling up now.
"No. There are other reasons, but doing what they believe we're doing is just an additional reason."
"What other reasons?" Edward asks, his eyes now focused intently on mine. I have the urge to look away, to escape his insightful stare, but I don't. I keep my gaze locked with his.
"Everyone in this town hates me," I begin quietly. "I'll never date any of them, not that I want to. I'll never do anything with any of them. You're the only person in Forks that tolerates me."
"It's more than tolerating, Bella," he murmurs just as quietly, leaning closer to grab my hand. He pulls it into his lap. I don't stop him. I just let him keep my hand there, encased in both of his large palms. I smile mildly but don't let his interruption curb me from my point.
"I want my first time to be with someone that I know. Someone I trust. There isn't anyone in Forks that I would feel comfortable with." He looks down at our hands. "Except you," I add, causing his head to quickly lift again. He's looking at me thoughtfully, and I hope my nerves aren't noticeable on my face. My heart is beating wildly in my chest, and I can easily detect Edward is in a similar predicament; his fast paced breaths are audible in the small gap between us.
"How long have you felt like this?" he asks me eventually.
"I don't know," I mutter, breaking our eye contact as I look down at my lap, unsure. "These are thoughts I've been having on and off recently. And with all the recent rumours about us, I don't know, it's just pushed the idea forward. Trust me, when I woke up this morning, I didn't plan to be having this conversation with you today." We both laugh nervously.
"All I know for sure is that I want my first time to be as comfortable as possible, with someone who knows me on a personal level. It doesn't even matter that we're not dating... it just feels right that it would be you. You're the closest person to me and... yeah... it feels right." The silence after that stretches on. And stretches on. And stretches on.
I'm beginning to regret this unexpected turn in conversation. I want to pull my hand from Edward's, but he's got a vice like grip around me. He's just staring at me. I can sense the cogs working in his mind. "Aren't you just the least bit curious as to what all the hype is about?" I ask quietly, attempting to persuade him. Being in high school, you tend to hear a lot about the *amazing* thing that is sex and all its variants of pleasure. Even me, who speaks to no one besides Edward, hears about it all. Standing alone can lead to acquiring the habit of eavesdropping, even when you don't necessarily want to. Oh, I've heard about it for sure. I can't say I'm not curious myself. And Edward has to be. I mean, he's a guy. Aren't they all? He doesn't have a girlfriend, I know that, but surely he's curious? Oh God, unless he's gay?
After sitting in what has now been uncomfortable silence for so long, and with my worry creating more and more possibilities in my mind, I honestly don't expect much of a response. And definitely not any agreement.
And I absolutely one-hundred percent do not expect Edward to suddenly lean forward and kiss me. But he does.
One moment he's gazing at me with this thoughtful and slightly shocked look on his face, and the next he's bent across the small gap between us, his lips pressed tentatively to mine, causing a warmth to spread through me - accompanied by shock.
I don't respond straight away, too shocked to do much more than sit frozen in my place, eyes wide and heart trying to beat it's way out of my chest. After a good ten seconds, Edward pulls back no more than an inch. His face is close to mine, our noses touching. He's staring into my eyes.
I've always felt like Edward can see straight into my thoughts, straight into my soul, when he looks at me with that searching gaze of his. In the beginning of our friendship, it had me on guard around him. I was always so scared he'd see something that would either make him suspicious or send him running for the hills. But now, I relax, flicking my own gaze between his eyes and his mouth. He doesn't move again, like he's waiting for me to make the next move.
So I do. I lean forward that tiny bit that allows our mouths to meet again. My heart is beating faster than ever before, but I don't break the kiss. If anything, I physically melt into the kiss - my first kiss. I move my lips, moulding them to Edward's as he presses closer. My hand is released from his grip as he reaches up and cups my face with both hands, giving me the opportunity to lift my own hands, which I place safely on his shoulders.
I'm nervous and shocked and delighted all at once. The emotions soon jumble into a forgotten ball as I sink further into this wonderful new experience. This definitely isn't how I imagined my first kiss - this is better.
Neither of us seems to be prepared to break our connection, not even for air. Edward tilts my head manually with his hands and I hook my arms around his neck, threading my fingers into the hair at the back of his head.
I don't know how it happens, but at some point we shift positions. One moment we're sat facing each other, Edward raised slightly on his knees to reach my lips, and the next I'm on my back with Edward hovering above me as we continue our gentle kisses. There's no opening of mouths to deepen the kiss and I think we are both nervous to take initiative on that part. Well, that's what I'm assuming, until I feel the new and strange sensation of something warm and wet probing at the seam of my lips.
My eyes open in alarm, shocked, but Edward is lost in the moment, his eyes closed. I close mine again and tentatively open my mouth just a bit. His tongue sweeps inside my mouth and an embarrassing, uncontrolled moan slips from my throat. I blush but don't open my eyes to see if he heard it. By the lack of pause in his movements, I assume he didn't. Soon I copy his initiative and we're in a foreign dance of tongues. The first moment our tongues meet, I'm not the only one to release a sound of pleasure.
Edward's body settles more firmly onto one side of mine and it's like the added weight, albeit miniscule, squeezes the last remaining bit of diminishing air from my lungs. I hate to be the one to stop, but I have to for fear of passing out. I turn my head and suck in a much needed gulp of air. Edward is breathing harshly onto the side of my face, his forehead resting gently against my temple. We both take a few moments to regain some composure.
That was completely unexpected. I close my eyes, count to five, and then turn to face Edward, who's raised his head but hasn't moved his body off of mine. "I'll take that as a yes then," I whisper, before allowing a small smirk to appear on my face. His answering smile is bashful, which is only enhanced when heat rises in his cheeks.
"Yeah... sorry for attacking you," he says, slowly rolling himself off of the side of my body. I turn onto my right and we lay in identical positions, facing each other on our sides.
"Don't be sorry."
There's a comfortable silence as we both stare at each other for a while. My mind keeps replaying that kiss, and my eyes can't stop jumping back down to his slightly swollen lips every few seconds.
"So how would this work then?" Edward eventually asks, placing one hand in the space on the blanket between us. I attempt a shrug - which only results in a lift of my left shoulder because I'm led on my side - and place my splinted hand over his.
"How would you like this to work?" There. Leave the ball in his court. It may have been my suggestion but it wasn't planned and I have absolutely no experience.
I search his eyes for something, anything that tells me what he's thinking. "I don't know. I've never..." he trails off. Oh. He doesn't have any experience either. I don't know why, but after that heated kiss, I'm surprised. He's just so good at it.
"Well... we could take it slow, ease into things and see what happens. Or... we could go straight for the main event." I want to roll my eyes at myself. 'We could go straight for the main event'? This isn't a bloody circus! What are you, five? Just say the word! Sex, Bella! It's sex!
I wait while Edward thinks silently. He inhales audibly and opens his mouth as if to speak, before halting mid breath, drawing my gaze back down to his mouth. I force my eyes back up to his when he goes to speak again. "We should go straight for it, I think. Might as well jump in the deep end from the very start." Looks like neither of us can say it. There's a silence between us - a silence that feels needed in this moment - before we both break out into wide grins. Soon we're laughing together. I roll my face into the blanket to try and hide my blushing face, as well as muffle my laughs. When I feel Edward's face pressing into my hair, the grin around my laughing only broadens.
Who knew an unplanned proposition, made by me of all people, would lead to such amusement? And happiness.
Once we've calmed down, we are back in our previous positions, laying on our sides facing each other. "Okay then," I say, nodding. Silence. "When?" I ask, my nerves returning in tenfold. I can feel a swarm of butterflies having a party in my belly.
"I don't know," Edward replies, sounding equally as nervous as me. "Soon."
"Okay," I whisper my consent.
I have to hold back my smile as Edward inches forward until his face is close enough for us to share breath, and then cranes his neck to press his lips to mine.
I internally sigh. I could get used to this.
~I*A*F*P*I*T*M~
Wednesday 28 June 2017
Summers, for me, are one of the best times of year, because the hours that I would be at school during the academic year are all mine! My chore requirements at home don't change, so during 'school hours' I am free to do whatever I want. I still have the same work schedule at the Bookstore, too. The weekdays during the summers are more relaxing for me than any weekend throughout the entire year.
And this summer is even better than any that have preceded it, because I have Edward to spend my time with. On top of the relaxing weekdays, I have a friend I can relax with.
Well, that would be the case if I hadn't made that utterly stupid proposal that we have sex. That we be each other's firsts. Ever since I made the proposal at the meadow on Saturday, I've been in undeniable shock. I honestly have no idea where that came from. It definitely wasn't planned and I hadn't actually thought of even making the proposal at all before I did, despite what I told Edward. Sure, I'd thought about the way I feel about Edward and what it could mean, but not for one minute did I consider propositioning him to be my first... well, my first everything.
What have I done? This could be the beginning of the end of our friendship! I've basically broached the idea that we be friends-with-benefits, and as almost everyone knows, that can never end well... unless the two parties involved end up together. But that won't happen with us. Will it? We've only agreed to be together in the physical sense. In all other aspects of life, we're still friends. Nothing less and certainly nothing more.
Neither of us has spoken of what we discussed at my meadow since Saturday. As soon as we left the sanctuary of that place, it's like the topic was taboo. We've not discussed it. When on the phone or the four times we've met up since then. Not once. But despite neither of us speaking up about it, there has been this heavy tension between us. Sometimes I swear I can hear it crackling in the air between us.
Each time we've met up since then, we've arranged it in fairly public places. Places we can't do anything. Not even kiss, like we did in my meadow - I'd be lying if I said this wasn't disappointing.
It's not that I want to back out of our agreement, not at all. I'm just really nervous since we had that conversation. I never know when he'll bring it up again. Is he thinking about it all the time, like I am? Does he still want to go through with it? Does he want to kiss again, as badly as I do?
All these questions and no answers. None whatsoever... until this afternoon.
~I*A*F*P*I*T*M~
It's the first time since we had the conversation that we're meeting up in a non-public place. I'm getting ready to head over to Edward's house. I feel nervous, as I have every time we've met up or even just spoken on the phone since the conversation - I really need a better name for it than that - but I'm sure nothing will happen today. Though Edward's parents are both out at work until the evening, his sister and her friends - all of them, sigh - are at the Cullens' house. It's almost enough to put me off of going, but my mother is ill today and has taken the day off of work.
She's a groaning, vomiting lump on the couch. If she had the energy, she'd be taking her ill feelings out on me.
I'd expected to be ordered around all morning, having no choice but to cancel on Edward today, but surprisingly she's asked only one thing of me, "to get her a sick bucket, tissues and leave her alone". No problem!
After showering, I throw on my Queen band t-shirt, some skinny jeans and black converse before grabbing my jacket, my bag filled with everything I may possibly need for an afternoon at my best friend's house, and head out the door, only letting my mother know I'm gone by sliding a note - that simply read: "Gone to Edward's. Be back after work" - under the door of the front room. She did say to leave her alone.
I see it's 10:30AM as I check the time on my phone before plugging my headphones in and bringing up a playlist. Soon I'm enjoying what could very well be my last time walking to Edward's house. I have my drivers test on Friday, and if all goes well I'll be cruising to Edward's in my father's cherished truck next time. That's if my mother let's me have it. But I'm not going to worry about how I'll broach that subject for now.
I take my time, not really in any rush. Not until I get a frantic text from Edward when I'm less than ten minutes from his house that says: WHERE ARE YOU? I NEED SAVING! HURRY UP! - E
I don't know whether to laugh or groan. I can only imagine what he's suffering with a house full of Alice, Jessica, Lauren, Tyler, Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie. I pick up my pace until I'm jogging towards Edward's house.
Six minutes later I'm outside his house. I'm busy packing my headphones away in my bag, distracted, as I walk toward the front door. I'm not even in line with the door before it is swinging open and a wide-eyed, frightened Edward comes barrelling out of the house. The door slams shut behind him. "Woah," I say, trying my best not to giggle at the frantic way he stumbles toward me. "What's happened to you?"
As if to steady himself, he wraps his hand around my left elbow when he reaches me, as mindful as ever of the splint still encasing my wrist. "I am so glad you're here," he replies breathlessly, pulling me into his chest where he proceeds to squeeze the life out of me. I pat his side sympathetically before quickly pulling away, already feeling the dampness that his drenched, therefore tight, black t-shirt has transferred to the material of my top. "Jesus, Edward. Is that sweat? You're all wet," I say as I run my right hand through his soaking wet hair. "What the hell is going on?"
"I-"
He's interrupted by the dreaded high squeal of a voice that pierces our eardrums, coming from the direction of the house. "Edward! Are you coming to play?" I turn to see Jessica - wrapped in a towel and nothing else, her hair dripping.
My eyes widen as my gaze sweeps away from a soaked, almost-exposed Jessica to an equally soaked Edward. What the hell?
"Oh. You," Jessica says, disheartened. When I look back toward her, she is frowning, eyes narrowed in my direction.
"Did you find him, Jess?" Now Lauren joins the party, revealing even more skin than Jessica in her neon pink bikini, if you can even call it that. Those triangles are so small you could use them for an infant's eye patch at Halloween - actually, scratch that; what a horrifying image. Her face, which was momentarily bright with an all-teeth-showing smile, quickly darkens when she spots me stood beside Edward, who I realise still has a hand wrapped around my elbow when Lauren's eyes jump down to it.
I gently pull my arm out of his grasp as Lauren sneers, "What the fuck are you doing here?"
Before I can answer, which I intended to do with just as much venom as she spat at me, Edward responds. "Bella's here because I invited her, Lauren. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't speak to my guest so harshly."
I have to hold back my smile as he defends me. Ha! Take that, bitches!
"You've got strange taste in friends, Edward," Lauren says snidely, crossing her arms and further drawing attention to her boobs, which are already gaining enough attention all on their own without the extra help.
"Let's hope your taste in girlfriends is better, right Eddie?" Jessica chirps up in a sickly sweet voice. I can hear Edward grind his teeth at the use of that God awful nickname that originates from his sister.
"You'll find my tastes are similar in both areas, I'm afraid." Say what? "Now, if you'll excuse us," he says, as calm as a cucumber, shocking all three of us girls into jaw-dropping silence. As if to further prove his point, he wraps his arm around my shoulders, soaking my left side as he guides me round the right side of the house, down the steep decline and through the exterior door of his bedroom at the back.
I'm still stunned to silence while he locks the door and draws all the drapes closed. As soon as he's facing me, I pick my jaw up from its place on the ground and confront him. "What the hell was that, Edward?" I whisper-yell, not knowing where in the house the rest of the tormentors are.
"What?" he says with a shrug, but the forced innocence in his voice tells me he knows exactly what.
"Why did you just say that? Do you know what they will be thinking now?" I'm frantic. We don't need any more negativity thrown our way. I don't need any more. Does he not get that?
I stare at him, gobsmacked as he rolls his eyes, like I'm over reacting - which I'm not. "Don't worry, Bella. It was a joke. What's the harm in messing with them a little bit?"
"The harm, Edward, is that they already torment us enough, without you or me adding fuel to the fire. Don't you think?"
He sighs but has the decency to look guilty as he slowly makes his way towards me. He places his hands on my shoulders and bends his knees slightly, so he can look me straight in the eye. "Okay. That was stupid of me. I'm sorry."
I nod, but don't smile. "Okay. Just..." I sigh. "Just don't joke around with them like that. You don't know how bad they can get. I-I'd just rather not provoke them."
"Okay." He keeps his hands on my shoulders, keeps his knees bent as he continues to stare at me. That tension that's been a thick presence between us since Saturday returns in full force as the silence starts and stretches on. It's equally alarming as it is charged.
I clear my throat and step back, causing Edward's hands to fall away from my shoulders. "So," I begin, turning to sit on the edge of his bed before quickly deciding against it. Instead I change direction and sit in the yellow chair that's close to his desk, leaving Edward to sit either at his desk or in his bed. He chooses neither, remaining stood exactly where I left him. "What was going on earlier? Why are you soaked? And why is-"
I'm relieved when he interrupts me before I have to repeat the state of undress the devil-duo greeted us with. "While I was waiting for you, I'd planned to stay in here, out of the way of all of... them," he says, gesturing in the direction of his bedroom door while he pulls a look of despair. "But I went to get a drink and heard them talking. They planned to go exploring in the trees, wanting to find the stream you can sometimes hear from out front. When they asked if I wanted to join them, I said yes." He sees the raise of my brows and explains. "I didn't want to go, but if I didn't then who knows what they'd have found." When he stops there, not explaining anything further, it takes me a few moments to understand his meaning.
"Oh," I say, my eyes widening. If he hadn't gone with them, then they may have stumbled upon my meadow. He went with them, suffered through their company, to keep them from my place. "Thank you. But that doesn't explain how you ended up drenched to the bone."
He sighs, and just before he starts explaining, he reaches behind his head and begins to pull his t-shirt off. It gets stuck because of how wet his skin must be, and if I wasn't suddenly so flustered, I'd be laughing at the sight of him struggling. As he finally pulls it over his head, I avert my gaze, heat rising in my cheeks. Why am I so embarrassed? I'll be seeing much more of him if we go through with what we spoke of on Saturday. 'If', Bella? You mean 'when'.
He begins speaking again as he disappears into his bathroom, presumably to put his t-shirt in the laundry basket, meaning he has to raise his voice. "Well, we found that stream, which is actually pretty large and deep. It's more of a river, I guess. Anyway, all the girls started stripping, and soon the guys, too. It seemed all of them had come prepared for a bit of swimming. All except Jessica, of course. She stripped right down to her birthday suit." His shudder as he exits his bathroom racks his entire body - from what I see, anyway, before I once again avert my gaze. He enters his walk-in-wardrobe, topless, exiting moments later with a fresh, dry grey t-shirt. "All the guys, Rosalie and my sister had gotten in and I was just sat on a rock looking the other way. I messaged you when Lauren tried convincing me to get undressed and jump in." I giggle, thinking back to his frantic text message. He glares at me in a light-hearted manner. "I didn't get in, of course. So Lauren and Jessica thought it would be a great idea to force me in. They're just..." he pulls at his hair as he growls in frustration, dropping to his bed with a defeated slump. "Lauren snatched my phone out of my hand, so I went after her to get it back, which was so fucking stupid, 'cause as soon as I was close enough to the water, Jessica pushed me in, which is why I was all wet. I jumped out, grabbed my phone which Lauren had dropped in her laughter and bolted for the house. They were following me. I felt like I was in a horror movie."
I got lost in my hysterical laughter long before he finished his story, almost to the point where I'm barely still on the chair. By the end of his story, I'm slapping my thigh and tears threaten to escape the corners of my eyes. "I-I'm sorry," I manage to squeeze out through my laughter. "I just..." I laugh louder once more as the image that popped into my head with his last statement resurfaces. I quickly cover my mouth in an attempt to shut up. "I just imagined you being chased by Michael Myers in a neon pink bikini," I manage to say before bursting into a fresh round of laughter, this time actually falling from the chair.
I open my eyes when something wet lands on my face, and come face to face with a bodyless Edward. He's popped his head over the side of the bed and is looking down at me led on my back on his floor. "I'm glad you find my terrors so amusing," he mumbles, a smirk playing at his mouth.
My remaining chuckles are quick to seize when another drip falls on my face. "Dude, move," I moan, pushing at his forehead with the palm of my hand, not that it does much good in my goal, which was to move him. "I've already showered today. I don't need another one... Seriously," I try again when he doesn't move, "go dry your hair."
He shakes his head like a dog that's just been for a swim would, making me squeal as I'm showered in droplets of water. He moves away laughing, and I hurry to pull myself up off the floor. "Thanks a lot, asshole," I grumble as I wipe away the moisture from my face. "You could fill a glass with all that water."
He sits up quickly, pulling himself to the edge of the bed. "Do you want a drink?" he asks all of a sudden. Excuse me?
"Ew, no. Gross, Edward."
He looks confused for a second before realisation hits him. He visibly has to stifle his laugh as he stands. "My God, Bella, I didn't mean the water from my hair. You just reminded me that I hadn't offered you a drink yet," he says with an eye roll.
"Ooooh. Well then, yes please. Just some water will do."
He smirks at my request and bends down as if to shake his head again. I squeal and climb up to stand on his bed, ready to make an escape if he tries that shit again. He laughs and holds his hands up in surrender, backing out of the room wordlessly.
Only once he's completely gone do I let my guard down and drop to the bed with a sigh of relief.
He returns less than five minutes letter. "Any sign of anyone?" I ask after thanking him for my glass of water, which I take a sip of as I await his answer.
He shakes his head as he takes a sip from his own glass. "No," he begins once swallowing. "I think they're up in Alice's room. Or maybe they're back out at the stream." My eyes widen. "Don't worry. It's no where near your-"
"Edward." We both look alarmed, eyes wide as our heads snap to the door. Alice is stood in his bedroom doorway, which he obviously didn't lock on his way back in. "We're all going to a movie in Port Angeles. Will you tell Mom and Dad that I'll be out for dinner tonight?"
"Why can't you tell them yourself?"
"Because you're here to do it for me," is all she says before briskly turning and walking away, leaving his door wide open.
He huffs and gets up to close the door with a loud BANG! I swear I hear him mumble "Bitch," under his breath on his way over.
I turn to place my half-full glass of water on his bedside table. When I turn back, I am gazing into vivid green eyes. Edward is much closer than he was a moment ago, now sat directly beside me on the bed.
The tension is back... along with something new: the realisation that we're in his home, in his bedroom, and we're all alone. For hours.
A/N: What do you think? Don'the hesitate to leave a review! Did you expect their friendship to develop to more in this way? I assure you, I always planned for it to go this way. It's part of the development of my story. I'm really nervous for Friday's update. I'll see you then.