A/N: Hi all! Again, I didn't upload on the day I promised. And again, I'm sorry. I'm only a day late so I hope you can all forgive me.
I am nervous to upload this one. Like, really nervous. Remember a few chapters ago, when I said there had been a certain chapter I was struggling to write and it set me back a bit in my writing schedule? Well, this is that chapter. I wrote and rewrote it about 4 times, hating every one of my attempts. Until this one. I'm pleased with how this turned out, but that doesn't stop me feeling nervous at all.
This is, as I'm sure you've worked out based on the last couple chapters, a chapter with a lemon. It's my first one. Ever. I was surprised by how difficult it is to write these kind of scenes, especially as I've read so many of them in other fics.
Anyway, please read the bottom A/N. I'll see you at the bottom. Hopefully, you'll like this chapter.
I'll Always Find Peace In The Meadow
Previously
I turn to place my half-full glass of water on his bedside table. When I turn back, I am gazing into vivid green eyes. Edward is much closer than he was a moment ago, now sat directly beside me on the bed.
The tension is back... along with something new: the realisation that we're in his home, in his bedroom, and we're all alone. For hours.
Chapter Thirty-six: 'You're so beautiful' (Bella POV)
Wednesday 28 June 2017
We sit and just stare at each other for a little while, neither of us wanting to break the silence, neither of us knowing how to break the silence.
The tension that has been a heavy presence surrounding us since Saturday is as thick as ever, but it's more heated than all those other times. Edward has sat so close to me that our shoulders are less than an inch apart, but still not touching.
The silence in the room continues and continues, the tension growing more and more prominent as time passes. Our eyes haven't strayed from each other's, and I know that he has the same thought process as me right now; he's waiting for me to do something, just as I am waiting for him to do something.
Eventually, and I don't know who does so first, our eyes part, straying to the others' lips. Mine jump back up to meet his, before straying once again.
The next thing to happen, I know we do simultaneously. There is no doubt in my mind who moves first, simply because we both lean in at the exact same moment. Our mouths meet with a clash that should probably have been painful, if we both weren't so focused on what we were doing.
Which is kissing.
There's no hesitation like the first time. No timid, chaste kiss and then separation initially. From the get go, it's heated, our mouths opening instantly so our tongues can meet in that dance that's not so foreign anymore, the one that I've been wanting since Saturday.
I bring my hand up to the side of his neck as Edward's arms move around my waist. Sometime later, I don't know exactly how long later, we fall down to our sides across his bed, lips still tightly locked.
It's an almost identical experience to that first kiss on Saturday... until Edward's hands move from their safe place at my waist. The one attached to the arm that's trapped underneath me moves higher up my back, toward the space between my shoulder blades, which he uses to press our chests closer together. I'm so enthralled by what's happening that my mind doesn't register the pain of him pressing the bruise that's there. The other hand travels down my side, past my hip until it's resting on my outer thigh.
I'm pretty sure he can feel the beating of my heart with the way it's trying to beat out of my chest. I think I can feel the harsh thud of his, too.
I mirror his confidence and begin moving my hands too, and soon we are both tracing each other's bodies with our hands, feeling every curve and line we can while still clothed.
Very soon, that isn't enough. My hands, which have been making a repetitive cycle of his torso then back then shoulders then returning to torso, slip underneath his t-shirt on their next trip back up his front. Edward's hands falter for a second before he becomes more urgent. Everything becomes more urgent - the kissing, the hands. Everything.
Just as I did to him earlier, Edward mimics my actions, tentatively slipping his hands underneath my Queen band-tee.
We're back to safe zones for less than a minute when we first venture under the clothes, but that's quickly corrected and we're back to how we were a minute before. As I draw my hands up Edward's warm, and slightly muscular back for the third cycle, I don't go back down. Instead I continue pulling up until Edward has no choice but to lean his face away from mine so I can lift it over his head.
He has to pull away completely, sitting up a little straighter for just enough time to get it completely off before he throws it somewhere across the room and falls back down beside me.
When his hands go for my face instead of my body, my heart misses a beat, wondering why he has that apprehensive look in his now lustful, dark green eyes. Why has he stopped?
"How far?" he whispers. It's the first thing either of us has said since his sister left the room. His hands are cupping my face as his eyes remain unnervingly locked on mine. I gulp back the nerves that have been a constant pit in my stomach pretty much since Saturday, mentally trying to rush an answer. I don't want to talk. I want to continue, and I don't want to stop again... a thought which leads me to my answer after a long, silent pause.
"If you want to," I begin, stopping to inhale deeply, "then all the way," I whisper.
At Edward's eager nod, I sit up and yank my t-shirt over my head, tossing it to the floor. Heat rises in my cheeks as I turn to face Edward, but that's quickly forgotten when I see that he's pouting. "What's wrong?" I ask with a tilt of my head.
"I wanted to do that," he sulks. My answering laughter draws his eyes south of my face... to my now exposed torso - well, almost exposed. My light blue bra is all that conceals any part of my upper body. The heat in my face intensifies as Edward's staring lasts longer than a mild glance.
I look down at myself, checking it is actually my fairly new light blue bra and not that white one I've been meaning to replace for some time now. Wouldn't that be embarrassing. A slice of terror cuts through me when I look down at myself. Not because I have the wrong bra on - which I don't, thankfully - but because laying at two different points on my chest, is my locket and my key necklace.
Edward's hand comes into my vision as he reaches out to gently trace the chain that houses my key. Uh-oh. He follows it from my shoulder and all the way down to the key, inbetween my breasts. If I wasn't so preoccupied by the frightening prospect of Edward's stubborn nature coming out to play as he demands what the key is for, then I'd be rivetingly focused on the feel of his fingers brushing the inner curve of my breasts right now.
"What's this?" he asks, light curiosity in his tone. I quickly reach behind my neck to unclasp the locket before removing both chains from around my neck.
"Nothing," I mutter as I turn to place them both beside my glass of water on the nightstand. I turn back towards Edward and am thoroughly relieved when I see no stubbornness or hurt at being dismissed. If I wasn't almost completely topless, then I'm sure it would have been a different story. In any other circumstance, he wouldn't have let that go. I take full advantage of this current circumstance.
"Should we...?" I ask, drawing his attention back up to my face, reluctantly it would seem, as I trail off and motion with my head towards the top of his bed. So far, we've been sprawled out across the width of his bed. He looks toward the pillows, then back to me, then down to my chest, before he raises his eyes back up to mine again. He visibly gulps before nodding.
I stand and wait for him to move, but he doesn't. I close my eyes and inhale, taking in a deep breath before I reach down for the fastenings of my skinny jeans. I open my eyes when I hear movement, and see Edward rushing to stand. Through all of my nerves and excitement and fear, there's a hint of amusement as I watch Edward stumble rather ungracefully around to the opposite side of the bed. The amusement flees rapidly as Edward mirrors my movements and reaches for the fly of his pants, which he must have changed when he went into his wardrobe earlier, because the ones he has on now are a lighter shade of blue denim, and complete dry.
We both busy ourselves with undressing down to our underwear, though neither of us removes our gaze from the other. The air feels so thick it's like you could cut it with a knife. We stand and stare at each other's underwear clad bodies for several moments. My eyes run from the very tip of his out of control hair, all the way down to his knees which is where my visual is cut off by the bed. My gaze stalls on it's way back up, pausing at his white boxers, and the rather large bulge that's as obvious as the lust in his eyes as he too looks over all he can see of me.
I try not to let the fact that he's seeing me almost naked bother me in any way, try not to let it ignite the heat that has a habit of spreading across my face at the worst of times. There's a brief moment of panic as I think of him seeing all of me, and I do a mental check of myself. Are there any bruises he may question? Crap! Why didn't I think of that sooner? I have one between my shoulder blades, though it's not too bad. I haven't checked it in the mirror in a few days though. A faded yellow is on my upper thigh from the same day, but it's almost completely gone now. I don't think it's really visible to be honest. Satisfied that I don't have anything too concerning, my panic eases.
Edward is the first to move but I quickly follow his lead, pulling back the covers of his bed and sliding between the sheets. Wow, his bed is comfy! Once I'm led down with my head on his pillow, I pull the covers all the way up to my chin. I remain on my back, staring up at the ceiling as Edward slides into the right side of the bed and gets comfy. Once he's still, I keep upward facing, like the coward that I am.
What now? I try to placate me nerves with the knowledge that the first time is awkward and scary for everyone. It's not just me.
I startle at the brush of Edward's hand against my side, practically jumping off of the mattress. "Relax," I hear him whisper. I take a deep breath and finally turn onto my side, effectively drawing myself closer to Edward, who is already on his side. His hand slips round to my back, where he traces a light pattern across my bare skin.
"Please tell me I'm not the only nervous one," I whisper. The side of his mouth pulls up into a crooked smirk.
"No, you're not. 'Cause I'm nervous, too." We just stare at each other for a few moments. "Can I kiss y-"
I don't let him finish that question.
I dive forward, melding my lips to his in a passionate kiss. I don't know if it's because everything from the shoulder down for either one of us is underneath the covers, but we are suddenly much more brazen in our hand movements. Our curious wandering has turned into all out pawing at each other.
Everything is surrounded in this haze of sorts, all of it a blur that I'm only barely keeping track of. My left leg is now hooked over Edward's calf while his hands travel freely across my back. My hands are following no particular path; it's just a random trail across everything above his waistline.
Soon, this isn't enough, and without too much thought as to what it is I'm doing, I pull away from a protesting Edward and reach behind me to unhook my bra. My left hand, with its damn splint, isn't much help, but I manage in relatively quick time. I throw it somewhere behind me and quickly turn back to Edward, pulling our chests flush together before he can begin staring at me for yonks like he did earlier.
The feeling of our naked chests pressed together has my heart picking up to a dangerous speed, but I don't have a lot of time to dwell on that because Edward doesn't waste time in mashing our mouths back together.
And a second later we're back in that frenzied, passionate wrestle of tongues and tangle of bodies from moments ago.
I'm rolled onto my back by Edward, who rests his weight on his elbows as he settles himself inbetween my legs, which seemed to part off their own accord to accommodate him. My hands spread across his back as his dive into my hair.
My lack of air makes itself known, unfortunately, and I have to wrench my mouth away from Edward's to drag some into my lungs. Edward, who seems to need no air whatsoever, doesn't detach his mouth from me completely, and instead trails kisses across my jaw and down my neck.
He continues down, past my collar bone, before pausing just above my left breast, his lips hovering over my battering heart. I feel his smile as it stretches across his lips. Without moving his head, he looks up at me from beneath his lashes. "Your heart is beating really fast," he whispers.
I smile sheepishly, red blooming across my cheeks... and down my chest, which recaptures Edward's attention. My heart, if it's even possible, picks up speed as his gaze travels down to my chest.
"You're so beautiful," he mutters quietly. I roll my eyes, not expecting the sharp glare he sends my way... seeing as his focus was firmly on my bare breasts only seconds ago. "Don't do that. You are."
Our eyes lock and neither of us break the connection. The truth in his eyes is palpable, and the blush that fills my cheeks and spreads down my chest this time isn't due to embarrassment. It's caused by delight. He really thinks I'm beautiful.
I lick my lips to moisten my suddenly dry mouth, before wrapping my right hand around the back of Edward's neck to drag his mouth back down to mine. He doesn't waste any time in moving further down my chest again, and this time, I can't find it in me to feel embarrassed. I'm too lost in all these new but very welcome feelings and emotions.
I'm so lost, in fact, that it doesn't even register in my mind when Edward passes the place above my heart he reached earlier as he travels further down, gently kissing my flesh... not until his lips wrap around my left nipple with only a slight detectable hesitation. I gasp, my hands threading into his still damp hair tightly. Shocked, my only intention is to pull him away, but when he sucks on the tight bud, I use my deathly grip on his hair to hold him to my chest as I arch my back and let out an embarrassingly loud moan.
Oh God.
I let out a shaky breath and try to gulp back another moan, but that is a futile attempt when Edward uses the hand that hasn't just slid underneath my back to begin fondling my neglected right breast. "Oh God," I whisper aloud this time, along with another moan.
Edward releases his own answering moan and then does something that even he didn't mean to do - or so the freezing of every single muscle in his body tells me. As he moans, he adds more pressure to all of his actions, and then grinds his hips into mine.
He isn't the only one to freeze. I do, too, for two reasons. One, because I didn't expect to feel that. I mean, I'm not stupid. I know how all this works. I know that him getting... hard is what's supposed to happen, but up until that moment, he'd done an expert job of keeping his now obvious arousal to himself. And two, because I didn't expect it to feel so good.
My breath gets lost in my throat as Edward's gaze slowly travels back up my torso and neck, until our eyes are once again locked. Now it's Edward's turn to be rosy cheeked. With his face hovering closely over mine, his elbows back to being braced on either side of my head, he seems to search my gaze for something before taking a deep breath and grinding himself against me again.
I let out another unintentional moan. Then he does it again and it isn't a moan of pleasure I release this time, but more a groan of frustration. Each time he lowers his boxer-clad erection to the increasing warmth between my thighs, he's quick to pull himself back off again, as if he's testing the waters. He goes to do it again, and it seems I've lost all control over my body - or maybe I haven't - because in a totally instinctual move, I lift my right leg and hook it over his hip, keeping him aligned with me.
I watch as his eyes, which haven't strayed from mine, widen. His mouth drops open as I rotate my hips slightly. I smirk at the low moan that comes from him. Good. He has been far too silent, while I've been here moaning like a shameless hussy.
I do it again, at the same time Edward rubs his hardness against me. We moan simultaneously and repeat the actions again and again until we have a strong rhythm going. Our sounds of pleasure are expelled into each other's mouths as I pull Edward's head back down to mine, our kisses much more passionate than ever before in our progressively frenzied state.
There's this unknown feeling low in my gut, and it's building, becoming stronger and stronger and more intense with each pass of Edward's member over my center. My breaths are quickening, eyes closed, my moans becoming louder.
And then it just stops. Or rather, he stops.
I open my eyes as I breathe heavily into the small space between us. Edward has his eyes clenched shut, a pained look on his face. "What's wrong?" I ask nervously, wondering if I did something.
His green eyes flash open, and he tries to offer me a reassuring smile, but it isn't very reassuring. "We just have to stop for a moment, or we won't get much further," is all he says. My brows furrow, confused.
And then it clicks and I blush. "Oh," I breathe, understanding and relief flooding me. Phew. I didn't do anything wrong. I patiently wait for Edward to calm himself, and while I wait I think. And then worry. There's something I'm missing... something I've forgotten. I try my hardest to figure it out, and when I eventually do, I gasp loudly. Edward tilts his head, silently asking what's wrong. "Do you have a, um, a..." I can't finish that question, which is utterly ridiculous after all that we've just done and will most likely be doing soon, depending on his answer. How could I forget about protection? I swear I have no brain cells sometimes.
"A condom?" he asks me, his voice sounding much more in control now. I nod wordlessly. "Yes, I do."
I break my gaze from his and look down his body, which he's holding above mine with his hands resting on either side of my head. My eyes trail down his chest, his flat stomach and to his boxers. I stop my wandering gaze there, and after a brief pause of uncertainty, I brush my hand tentatively down his chest. When my fingertips graze the edge of the waistband of his boxers, I feel the muscles low in his stomach tense and react to my touch.
Without moving my hand, I glance back up at Edward who is as still as a statue and has a measured look in his face. "Shall we...?" I trail off as I slip barely the tip of my index finger beneath the waistband of his boxers, and run it from hip to hip.
He nods a little too eagerly, causing me to giggle lightly. His answering smirk is surprisingly calming as he pulls away, moving back to the other side of the bed. We pretend to pay no attention to the other as we remove our last items of clothing, but really we are both highly aware of every movement the other makes. After dropping my panties to the floor beside the bed, I flatten myself to the mattress, drawing the covers back up to my chin as Edward turns away. I hear the draw of the nightstand on his side being opened and closed, and then Edward is on his back beside me.
I turn my head and blatantly watch as Edward rips open the foil packet, but, though I'm highly curious, I don't allow myself to peep as Edward's hands disappear beneath the covers for many long seconds. It's a painfully long wait, or seems to be at least. He audibly inhales before turning his head to offer me a small smile.
My heart is beating at a perilous rate as he rolls himself over to lie on top of me. He doesn't allow his full weight to rest on me as he once again braces his hands at either side of my head, but I can still feel the warmth of his skin as his body settles over mine, as well as the thudding of his own heart. When the head of his cock brushes against the junction of my thighs for only a split second, I startle, my breaths quickening as I close my eyes.
"Are you sure about this?" Edward whispers to me.
I open my eyes and cup his face with my hands, placing my slightly trembling palms against his cheeks. I want him to be sure and see the honesty in my eyes as I answer with a firm: "I'm sure."
He doesn't need to search my face any longer, and lowers his head, gently placing his lips against mine. I eagerly take hold of his initiative and thrust my tongue into his mouth. Nothing happens down below for the next couple minutes as we simply kiss, slowly building up the momentum of this simple act.
Though I'm thoroughly engrossed in the tangling of our tongues, I am fully aware as Edward slowly lowers his hips to mine. This time, when his erection brushes against my slick flesh, I don't startle. In fact, I welcome it, opening my legs a little wider. We both intake a simultaneous breath of air, our lips momentarily breaking apart as the tip of him enters me.
"Jesus..." he breathes. I remain silent, trying to get accustomed to this strange new feeling. He continues pressing forward, sliding further in inch by inch. I feel like I'm being stretched... and it isn't the most pleasant feeling in the world. My teeth sink into my bottom lip as a burning feeling joins the stretching, but I don't close my eyes. I keep my gaze locked firmly on Edward's face, which is currently beautiful with his eyes clenched shut, mouth partly open, and slightly flushed cheeks.
He stops suddenly, though I think I know why, and opens his eyes to look down at me. "I-I'm sorry, but this is meant to hurt," he says quietly, but I'm already nodding before he's finished talking.
"I know," I whisper, briefly closing my eyes. When I open them again, Edward's gazing down at me with a look of hesitation, like he's not sure whether he should go on. "Just do it quick, so the painful part is over and done with," I say with as much confidence as I can find.
He nods and, careful not to jostle the joining of our bodies, he lowers his head to press a soft kiss to my forehead. I smile as calmly as I can at him, reaching up to grip his shoulders just as he pulls his hips back and then thrusts forward quickly. As he breaks the barrier that resembles my innocence, he lowers his torso completely onto mine, so our bodies are flush together. This I'm grateful for, because I try to muffle my gasp at the sharp pain that courses through me by clutching at him. I press my face into the crook of his neck as my eyes clench shut, concealing the uninvited tears that have sprung to my eyes.
Edward stays still, thankfully. Though I can feel the struggle he's having due to the trembling of his arms that have me caged against the bed. "Are you okay?" he whispers, his struggle evident by the strain in his voice.
I nod, and pull my head away from his neck to look him in the eyes. He looks concerned as he gazes upon me. He lowers his lips to my cheek and kisses away a stray tear. "Yes," I eventually whisper back. "Just go slow." He nods his assent and then pulls his hips back. The stretching feeling has been dissipating the longer he has been nestled within me, but the burning is still very much present.
He pauses before pushing forward, a rush of air leaving him and washing over my face. I wrap my arms around his shoulders as he pulls back and pushes forward again, this time with a quiet moan. He repeats this action, along with a louder moan. He pulls back and thrusts forward. Again. And again. Slowly, as I asked. In... Out... In... Out... Slowly.
In no time at all, the burning feeling dissipates too, until its replaced with a faint pleasurable feeling. There's still some discomfort, though I'm pretty sure that's because this is my first time. The discomfort will disappear eventually, too. The pleasure slowly builds, and just after a minute has passed of Edward's slow thrusts in and out, my first moan escapes me. This seems to spur Edward on, as he groans low and loud, and picks up the speed of his hips just a bit.
He drops his head beside mine, so our cheeks are pressed together. "Fuck, Bella," he hisses quietly into my ear. I just grip my arms around him tighter, wordless, but not soundless as I start moving my hips along with him, my rotations growing a little more confident with each passing second. This just makes Edward lose it even more, and he picks up his pace, no longer moving slowly but not being rough either.
I can feel his body trembling against mine, his arms shaking. I tuck my head back into his neck and press an open-mouthed kiss to his sweaty skin. "I... Oh Shit... I can't..." he stutters, and then he groans the loudest he's groaned yet and tenses in my arms, coming to a complete halt. I moan quietly as I feel his cock twitch inside me, as he shakes above me. I take pleasure in knowing that he found pleasure.
Once his trembling stops, Edward rolls off of me, landing on his back beside me. We both stare up at the ceiling, breathing heavily. "Wow," he releases with his next breath.
Wow, indeed.
What was I worried about again? This friends with benefits thing was the best idea I've ever had!
A/N: Soooo... what do you guys think of my first lemon? I tried to take into consideration that this is their first time. So it's meant to be a bit awkward. And remember they're not dating, they're just friends experiencing these things together for the first time, so there is no declarations of love... yet ;) And remember, they're 16 years old, so there are no 'bulging biceps' and 'washboard abs'; Edward's only just turned 16!
Please, leave me a review or send me a PM with what you thought. As I said at the top, this is my first lemon, and I need feedback to know whether I should write another one. I do plan for there to be more, but if you guys think this is shit and I shouldn't bother, then I'll just leave them out but indicate when there has been one. If you think this was good/okay/acceptable/whatever, then I'll include more.
Next chapter is Edward's POV, and it follows straight on from this one.
Thanks for reading, hopefully you enjoyed and I'll see you Monday!