This chapter might hurt, just a little.
Killian (2012)
Over the next few days, Killian spent time at the office and on board the Schwan. He captained a few cruises where he was hit on by a few of the women but for the most part, he stayed close to the beach house. He wasn't sure why, but he felt like something momentous was about to happen and staying close to home was important.
Looking over what he had completed of the drawing, he was pleased and knew that not only would she love the drawing itself, but she would also appreciate the time he took to create it for her. He found it interesting how different he saw himself when it came to Emma. He had always been a man who took what was offered without much thought of any repercussions. Oh, he had a code that he lived by, and always made sure that the woman he was with wanted the same good time that he did, but beyond that, he hadn't thought about their desires outside of the bedroom. He had one goal and as long as everyone was happy, so was he. Emma had captured his imagination with a simple letter. And the more he got to know about her through her letters, the more he wanted to know. So much so that he could say, she owned his heart and if he had anything to say or do about it, he was going to own hers.
Rumple had been sleeping quietly in a corner while he was drawing, but as soon as he realized Killian was no longer busy, he had walked over and stood next to the table wagging his tail, with what looked like a smile on his face. "Ready for a walk, boy?" If possible, the tail wagged even faster. "Ok, then, let's go." Taking him outside, they walked down to the beach. The day was slightly overcast and cool and he suspected rain before nightfall. "Wet roads and drunk drivers, glad I'm staying in for New Year's Eve." They walked until Rumple seemed to tire and then went back inside to pass the time until 2013.
Emma (2014)
Emma had been sitting for just a few minutes when her waiter walked up, "Good evening, I will be your waiter tonight. My name's Henry."
He reached into the ice bucket sitting on the cart he had pushed over, pulled a bottle of champagne out and proceeded to open it. As he opened it, he explained, "Your companion left word that you were to have one of our very best champagne's, Krug Grande Cuvee. Each bottle is a unique blend of 120 different wines from ten or more years and takes over twenty years to craft." Picking up a crystal flute, he poured a small amount and handed it to her, "Let me know what you think of this."
Emma took the glass from him and took a small drink. The flavor burst on her tongue, rich with hints of toasted almond and smoked brioche, "It's perfect, Henry. Thank you."
He poured her some more and put the bottle back into the bucket. Reaching back onto the cart, he picked up a single long stem red rose, just like the one Killian had given to her on their date. Handing it to her, he said, "For you."
Emma took the rose and smiled, "Thank you. It's lovely."
"Someone wanted to make sure your evening was very special, I believe. Would you like to order now, or would you like to wait for the other party?"
Emma smiled up at Henry and thought he looked familiar but didn't ask why, "I'll wait, Henry, thank you."
She picked up her champagne flute and took another sip. Henry bowed slightly, gave her a small smile and left her alone with her thoughts. She pulled her phone from her bag and looked at the time, "7:05, it appears he is late," she murmured softly.
She sat there looking around at the other tables. All around her were couples or groups of people, none sitting alone as she. She tried to pace herself with the champagne, not taking huge sips or gulping down the entire glass like she wished to do. But when 7:30 became 8:00 and he still hadn't shown, she wasn't sure what to think. She thought back over the last few months. Of the conversations that went on via letters, of what she had learned about him. Of how he seemed so perfect and how she had tried to keep her walls up but that for some reason, he had known the right things to say and had slowly chipped away at those walls. His Christmas gift to her of the Magnolia tree had succeeded in tearing down another layer and as much as she hadn't wanted to admit it, he had taken a piece of her heart. And now sitting in this beautiful restaurant, where she was supposed to be meeting the man of her dreams and ringing in the New Year, she was left feeling foolish for building him up in her fantasies instead of remaining grounded in reality like normal. It was all wishful thinking. Just a cruel trick played on her by the gods of fate.
She picked up the rose and buried her nose in the fragrant bloom. Why did he go to the trouble of having a rose given to me, if he had no intention of showing up, she wondered not for the first time? Looking at her phone again, she saw that she had been sitting there for two hours, why doesn't he just text me, but then realized he probably didn't have her number, even after they had made plans for the second time, she had gotten so excited about the prospect of the date, that she had forgotten. Looking down she realized she had pulled a few petals off the rose. She picked up the bottle of champagne to pour another glass but had second thoughts since she was driving. "How would it look for a doctor to be pulled over drunk?" she wondered aloud, just as Henry walked back by the table.
"Is there anything I can get you?" he asked her quietly.
"No, thank you, just the check." She pulled her wallet out of her bag.
"Everything has been taken care of already. Would you like a cup of coffee?
Emma shook her head no, "I only had two glasses. I should be fine."
"Happy 2015, Miss. Swan. Drive safely." And he hesitated as if he wanted to say more but decided at the last minute against it, and with another small bow, walked away.
Emma tossed a few bills onto the table, and with down cast eyes, picked up her flower and walked toward the door.
She saw Rori watching her walking toward the door and as she started to say something, Emma held up her hand and shook her head no. She didn't think she could stay strong if anyone else was nice to her. Holding it together, just barely, she gave the valet her slip and waited for her car.
Killian (2013)
2013 dawned cool and dreary and Killian wondered what today would bring. He took Rumple for a walk and then called Liam, who was spending the day with Elsa, to wish him Happy New Year. He then settled on the sofa to watch the show Doctor Who, about a man who was able to travel through time using a blue police box. He wished it was that bloody easy. That he could just get in the post box and when he came out, it would be 2015 and he would be beside Emma. Now he didn't know. He hoped his future self was with her, but if that was the case, wouldn't his present self, feel differently? Questions that he couldn't ask anyone without sounding like a loon. Turning back to the television, he once again got lost in the series.
When he hadn't heard from her for a few days, he took this as a good sign. He imagined that he had arrived at the restaurant, and they had talked all evening and then rung in the New Year with a passionate kiss. There is no other way he could imagine the evening going, they were together, they had to be. Once he had decided the outcome, though, it felt bittersweet, as that meant she would have no need to continue to write him letters, which meant this version of himself would be alone. "Don't go there, Jones," he scolded himself. But it was difficult not to brood. And he missed her. They say that what you don't know, can't hurt you, but in this case, the unknown was causing him a lot pain.
The only time he found he was truly happy was out on the open water, sailing, either just to get away or on one of the Swashbuckling Cruises. Those were the times he could forget about his cares and concerns and just be. Tink asked about his mood, as did Liam, but he didn't feel the explanation was worth the grief that might be worse, so he sailed and spent his days with Rumple. After a week of not hearing, he decided to write a quick note and leave it in the box. At least this way he would know if she came by. Writing a few words, he left it in the post box for her, and as best as he could, tried to go on with his life.
Emma (2015)
Emma barely made it to her car before the tears started gathering in her eyes. She had to continuously wipe her eyes with the back of her hand to keep her vision clear enough to drive. The entire way home she kept asking herself the same question over and over again.
"Why? Why? Killian, why?" Feeling almost like she was having an out of body experience, she drove home, calm on the outside, but on the inside, feeling as if she were shattering into a million pieces.
Arriving back home, her prayers were answered when she made it back to her apartment without seeing anyone. Once inside the door, she crumpled to the floor and let the floodgates of tears free. Sitting on the floor, knees bent, head buried on her knees and huge wracking sobs escaping. Rumple crept closely and whimpered softly before pressing against her side and laying his snout against her chest. Emma wasn't sure how long she sat there but she cried until she couldn't cry anymore. Until she felt the gentle nuzzle of Rumple's nose as he pressed his face close to hers and licked the salt from her cheeks. "You'll never leave me, will you?"
Eventually, the floor became uncomfortable and standing, she pulled off her shoes. Padding barefoot into the bedroom, she tore off her dress and new lingerie and tossed it all into the garbage. Clothes that just a few hours ago, had given her such pleasure and anticipation to wear, now only added to her heartache. Hearing something drop as she tossed the pile away, she looked down, saw the ring and started crying all over again. Pulling an old shirt over her head, she climbed between the sheets and fell asleep, allowing her to escape the pain for a few hours at least.
She called in sick for the rest of the week, claiming she had the flu. As she hadn't missed any work, since that fateful day, last Valentine's Day, no one questioned her illness and since she didn't speak to M&M on a daily basis, she was allowed a few days to grieve without having to talk to anyone. She didn't answer her door, she didn't answer her phone, and leaving only to take Rumple out and doing so when she was fairly sure no one was around. Finally, after five days of self-imprisonment, she was laying on her back staring up at the ceiling, holding his ring between her hands when the door opened and her sister stormed into the apartment.
One look at M&M's face and Emma shattered all over again. She felt her sister, sit down beside her and pull her into her arms, and as she cried tears that she didn't realize she still had, she felt M&M running her hand up and down her back in a soothing fashion, over and over again.
As her sobs decreased to gentle hiccups, she heard Mary murmur, "Don't you think it's time you filled me in?"
Emma sighed, "You wouldn't believe me if I did."
"Emma, I'm your sister. You're also my best friend. We've known each other our entire lives and I've never seen you this upset, not even when mom and dad passed and I know you loved them. Talk to me. Tell me. Let me decide what I do and do not believe."
Realizing she really needed to talk to someone, Emma finally opened up and told M&M everything. From the first letter to the dates and the gifts and the tree to the New Year's Eve fiasco. Mary sat quietly through it all, not saying a word. Emma looked at her and saw, not pity, but sympathy in her sister's eyes. Pulling a tissue from the box close by, she handed it to Emma, "Dry your eyes."
Like an obedient child, Emma dried her eyes and wiped her nose. "I know this sounds like I'm nuts."
M&M silently gazed at her, as she sat quietly on the sofa. "Emma I've never known you to have an active imagination. You've always had difficulty believing in fairy tales, why would you, all of a sudden, be making up stories about people living in a parallel time?"
"Thank you, sis." She opened her hand, and the ring was sitting in it.
M&M picked up the ring and looked it over carefully. "It's beautiful, Emma. Is this the man you mentioned at your birthday meal? The one you said you could give your whole heart to?" and not getting an answer immediately asked, "Did you, Emma? Did you give him your heart?"
Emma looked up at the ceiling, then everywhere but at her sister, "I didn't think I had. I thought he only owned a piece of it, but this hurts. I just don't know if it's worth it."
M&M put her hand on her arm, "Don't say that, Emma. Love is worth it. You are worth it."
She laid the ring back in her sister's hand, "Have you been back to the beach house to see if you can contact him?"
Emma shook her head no. "You need to go. You deserve it and so does he, even if it's just to say goodbye. Will you at least think about it?"
Touched that her sister had come looking for her, then had listened without judgment, she answered, "Thanks, sis. I'll think about it."
M&M stood up and they walked together toward the door. "Let me know, if you need me, ok?"
"I will. Thanks for rescuing me."
Shutting the door behind Mary Margaret, she went and took a shower and then took Rumple for a long walk on the beach. She thought about all the letters that she had exchanged with Killian as well as the two attempts that had been made to try to change their future. She thought about not only what she wanted, but more importantly what she could have. Making her way back home, she decided that next Sunday, she would drive south to the beach house with its magical mailbox that had brought her Killian. Her decision hadn't by any means been easy, but it was the only thing to do, the right thing to do. She just had to figure out how to get the strength to do it.
Killian (2013)
Killian woke early feeling anticipation scatter along his skin for the first time in a long while. Today he was going out with a mate of his and Liam's from long ago, John Silver, who taught scuba diving up in Fort Lauderdale. He had been talking to Tink about adding more excursions and as she researched scuba instructors in the area, he'd been happy to see that a friend of his was interested in possibly working together. John had always been a lady's man with his long wavy dark hair, muscular build and 'chiseled chin' as Tink called it, and since he had a reputation, he really hoped that he didn't have to worry about his friend. He would hate to have to hurt one of his mates for playing with his assistant's feelings. Today John would show them a few sites along The Keys that were good for diving. And just because he was a nice guy he was allowing the rag tag group, Eddie, Wendy, and Tink to tag along. And because he was a terrific younger brother, Liam would be there also.
Rumple followed closely on his heels as he got dressed and when he was ready to walk out the door, and told the dog no, there was quite a bit of barking. "Sorry mate, I'm pretty sure you don't have your sea legs for this type of journey. Maybe next time." The way Rumple's tail dropped and he turned and walked back toward the living area, you would have thought that he was being punished severely but Killian didn't let the guilt trip sway him, and so without the dog, he jumped into his truck and drove to the docks where everyone was to meet.
As he was driving, he thought back on how he and Liam had learned to love to scuba. In England, as young lads, they had loved the sea and her many mysteries, however, once they had relocated to Florida, their love for it had only grown. Their father had built for them the beach house so they watched the boats sailing up and down the coastline quite often. Since the house was located close to a state park which had many beautiful sites, their mother took them to snorkel and just skimming along the top of the water had not been enough for the sea-loving Jones' boys. Scuba diving lessons had been a Christmas gift one year after his parents had split up, and surprisingly their father had taken lessons with them. Thinking back over that time, Killian felt melancholy and an ache settled in his chest for, yet again, another opportunity that had been so promising, yet failed to live up to his dreams. Probably one reason why it wasn't so easy for him to believe in dreams and their ability to come true, especially for him.
Once at the docks, he met up with the others and noticed that Tink and John were already looking quite cozy and they hadn't even left the dock yet. Making a note to say something if the opportunity arose, they boarded the Schwan for their day of sailing. Looking over what they would need for diving he realized there were only enough tanks for four, "Who's not diving today?"
Tink and Wendy both raised their hands. "Do you know how cold it is in that water in January, Captain?"
Killian looked over at John who was standing close by, "I don't know, maybe high 70's?"
John nodded in agreement., "Probably closer to low 70 and as the water is deeper, well,"
And Tink finished his sentence, "It's in the 50 or 60's. Too cold for this girl. I like my water to be bath water warm!"
Wendy chimed in, "Here, here."
Liam and Eddie came up from below deck where they had dropped off food supplies for the day, just as Wendy had responded, and looking at her with a confused look, Eddie asked, "What are you agreeing to? Anything important?"
Killian looked at Eddie, "She was just agreeing that the girls are chicken to get in the water today, because of a little cool water."
Looking over at Wendy, Eddie opened his mouth to say something, but then she gave him a look, and he must have thought better of it, as he shut his mouth again. Killian glanced at Tink and raised an eyebrow. She shook her head and didn't answer but had a very interested look on her face as she gazed back and forth between them.
Changing the subject, Killian assigned tasks to help with launching the ship and left to go to the bridge. Eddie untied the lines and as Killian started the motor and guided them away from the docks, the group enjoyed the beauty of the day. Once far enough out, Liam helped Eddie unfurl the sails and they let the wind lead them along. The Schwan was living up to her namesake and before long it felt as if they were gliding along the top of the sea heading south. Their first destination The Christ of the Abyss, located a few hours south of Bayside.
Arriving just off the Dry Rocks, a location in John Pennekamp State Park, they dropped anchor and the divers readied themselves. While he had kept his scuba certification up to date, he hadn't been diving for a while and was anxious to get down under the sea. Pulling on the skintight suit made of neoprene, he looked out over the horizon and for the first time today allowed thoughts of Emma and wondered what she could be doing enter his mind. He liked to think that she was with his future self, loving life, anything else, was not an option.
Before his thoughts traveled too far, Liam walked up, suit on, fins and mask hanging from one hand. Together they walked over to the tanks and after strapping on, all four men were ready to jump. Stepping onto the platform, looking down into the deep blue ocean, Killian instantly felt peace. One by one they jumped in and after adjusting their masks, sunk beneath the calm, clear waters. This time of year, there were very few divers out so the water was exceptionally clear and with the sun out, they could see down, 10 feet or more. Slowly, they descended, closer to the tall, imposing statue made of bronze. John had told him, it was 8.5 feet tall and the depth of diving ranged from 25 to 60 feet. The men took their time lazily examining the statue and then swimming along the sandy floor, observing various species of fish. After 30 to 40 minutes, they ascended back to the surface and climbed back on board the ship.
Undoing their gear and leaving them on the deck, they all picked up beach towels, unzipped their suits, and leaving them hanging from the waist down, dried off. Tink and Wendy could be heard at the bow of the ship talking quietly and Eddie and John wandered up to see them. Liam hung back and after looking at his brother for several long minutes, finally asked, "Woman trouble?"
Killian took a few extra minutes to towel dry his hair before answering, "What makes you ask that?"
Liam looked at him and cocked an eyebrow, "Do I really need to answer that?"
Reaching up to scratch behind his ear, Killian responded, "Trouble? I'm not sure yet."
"Killian, I've not seen you dating?"
"It's more of a long-distance thing. We met once but she doesn't remember."
"Why don't you tell her?"
Killian looked over at his brother and shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know exactly. I just feel it's important that she remembers me on her own. No more, alright?"
"Alright, but if you need me, I'm here."
"Thanks, brother." He clapped Liam on the shoulder as he went to the bow to ask the gang if they wanted to pull anchor to head to the next part of their destination. They all agreed and before much time they were on their way to, Molasses Reef which was a few miles farther south. Molasses Reef seemed to be a good possibility for what they had in mind as there appeared to be spots for both snorkeling as well as scuba diving. There were caves, a sunken ship, coral formations with many different types of coral and fish, lobsters, eels and small sharks.
Arriving at the reef, once again, the men suited up and jumped into the blue water. They enjoyed the reef adorned with both hard and soft corals as well as saw eels, crabs, lobsters and assorted types of fish. They all took their time to investigate a freighter that had run aground there and were happy that John had thought to bring his underwater camera when a 6-foot nurse shark swam right under Eddie causing a comical look to cross his face. Once all were on board the men dried off, stowed their gear and went below deck to have some of the sandwiches, chips, fruit, and desserts and break into the ice chest full of beer that Liam had brought as payment for being allowed along.
Conversation flowed easily and talks about possibilities of future endeavors were soon brought into the discussion. Killian sat back and observed the conversation all around him. Before he knew it, Eddie, Wendy, Tink and John were making plans about different cruise packages and he and Liam, went up top to pull anchor and start the trip back to Bayside. They talked quietly and once the ship was docked and cleaned, they all went to one of the restaurants located at Bayside Marketplace for dinner before each went their separate ways.
Emma (2015)
As Emma drove south she was nervous about everything. She didn't know if he would even remember that Sundays were a day she normally dropped off a letter. Or if he would be around to notice the flag going up and while she had a general idea of what she wanted to say, just the thought of saying goodbye made her heart hurt.
Traffic was heavy for part of the trip which required focusing on driving, but once she was on the US 1, she lost most of the traffic and was able to let her thoughts run free. She found herself yet again imagining the impossible. That while she had been sitting at Prime 112, Killian had walked into the restaurant, taken one look at her and swept her into his arms. She wanted him to hold her, with both arms so tightly that he wouldn't let her go. Couldn't let her go because she was a piece of him, just as he was a part of her. She wanted him to feel like she was his entire world. Blinking her eyes rapidly to clear the tears, she felt them spill over and run down her face. Picking up a tissue, which had been ever-present lately, she wiped the last trace of wetness and resolved that as difficult as this might feel, it was necessary. Life was not meant to be observed from a distance but meant to be lived. As Leo used to say to her and M&M, "surrender to what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be." Words she needed to think about to get through the day.
With trepidation, she pulled into the drive leading to the beach house. Sitting in her car for a few minutes, she attempted to gather her thoughts before getting out and walking over to the mailbox. As she got closer, she noticed that the flag, while not completely up, was not completely down either. Opening the box, she saw a letter inside. Wondering if maybe he had left an explanation, she tentatively opened the letter and read;
"I've missed you, Swan. How was dinner?"
Realizing he didn't know, made her wish again that things were different, but wishing didn't change facts. Opening her notebook, she wrote a quick answer and putting it in the mailbox, crossed her fingers he was there to see the flag going up.
Killian (2013)
Killian had risen early, taken Rumple for a run on the beach and was standing staring out the window, drinking a bottle of water when he heard the dog barking. As he had thought he was sleeping, it was quite a surprise to not only realize the dog had opened the front door, by jumping up on the handle, but was sitting beside the post box barking at the flag as it went up. "What is it, boy? Is Emma here?" Running out to the post box expecting to read that they had a grand time over dinner, he was surprised to see what she had written.
"You weren't there. You didn't show up."
"What do you mean, I wasn't there?"
"Just that. You didn't come."
"Something must have happened. I wouldn't have just not come."
"I don't know what to tell you, Killian".
"Are you sure you were there on the right night?"
"Of course, I'm sure. I sat there for hours with everyone giving me looks of pity. I can't do this any longer."
"Emma, don't give up. We can try again."
"Kilian, I can't. I can't keep getting lost in this beautiful fantasy.
"I don't want to lose you."
As Emma read what he wrote her heart broke a little more. Writing him back was one of the hardest things that she had ever had to do and when she put it in the mailbox for him, the tears were falling so hard and fast that she couldn't stop them. Sinking to the ground, she sat there waiting.
Killian paced back and forth in front of the post box waiting for an answer from Emma in response to his remark. He was afraid that he had scared her off and so when the flag finally went up to show that a new letter from her had arrived, he was quite delighted, that is until he read what she had written.
I don't want to lose you either. But, I never told you what brought me to the beach house last February. It was Valentine's Day and I was having lunch with my sister at Bayside Marketplace. While we were eating a man was hit by a car and killed right in front of me. I did everything I could to save him, but he died anyway. I never understood why, but I felt a connection to him and after I learned he was gone, I kept thinking, it can't end just like that on Valentine's Day. I thought about all of the people at home who love him and who will never see him again. And then I thought, what if there is no one. What if you live your whole life and no one is waiting for you at home? My mentor suggested I get away to a place where I could be myself and the beach house was that place. I drove down here looking for something, and I found you. You filled a void that I didn't know needed to be filled and I got lost in this beautiful fantasy where time stood still, but it's not real Killian. We're not real. I need to learn to live the life that I've got.
"How can you give up on us?"
"I can't take the chance that I'm wrong Killian. It hurts too badly."
Emma (2015)
"But what if you're wrong Emma? What if what we share is worth it? You know, you never told me how you ended up moving into the beach house? Shouldn't the fact that you did, tell you something?"
That pain kept getting stronger but she knew what she needed to do. She wrote her thoughts on a piece of paper and kissing it, gently put it inside the box. Feeling the chain with the ring hanging around her neck, she knew that it didn't belong to her, but to a woman who could give Killian a future, and sadly, that woman wasn't her. Pulling the long chain over her head, she laid it on top of the letter and shut the door.
Touching the box softly, she whispered "Goodbye" and quickly walked to her car and climbed inside. Tears were running down her face, and no matter how often she rubbed the back of her hands over her cheeks, they spilled over. After driving a few minutes, she found that she couldn't see well enough to continue. Pulling into a small business, she leaned over the steering wheel and wept for the missed chances and the unfairness in life. Hearing doors slam, she noticed the parking lot had suddenly gotten busy and as she didn't want to speak to anyone, she composed herself enough to drive home.
Once she was back home, she curled up in her favorite chair, her trusty friend sitting at her feet. As she sat in the dark she stared out the window, and when it started to rain a short time later, she thought it only fitting. Reaching down next to the chair she picked up the basket she had been keeping all of Killian's letters in and sorted them by date. Then one by one she read them over. Periodically she had to wipe her cheeks to keep the tears from dripping onto the paper, but finally, she finished.
Taking the letters, she packaged them all together in a box. Feeling raw she also picked up the rose that had been given to her at the restaurant and put it in the pages of the first book that she pulled off her bookshelf. Looking down, she thought it ironic that the book she unwittingly grabbed was none other than a book about waiting, Jane Austin's Persuasion. Taking the book with the flower pressed inside, she put them in the box and after sealing it placed it in the back of her closet. After taking Rumple for a walk, she took a hot shower and resolved to focus on moments in her life that she could control, such as work, spending time with her dog and M&M's bachelorette party, which she needed to plan. With a new determination, she went to bed.
Killian (2013)
As soon as he opened the box and saw not only the letter but the ring and chain laying on top of it, he knew it was going to be bad. Preparing himself for the worst, he opened the letter and as he was reading it, he sunk slowly to the ground.
I didn't tell you how I ended up at the house? I rented it from Key Largo Rentals, a woman, named Marion, I believe. But Killian, I can't do this any longer. Please don't write me anymore. Don't try to find me. I need you to let me go. I need you, to let me, let you go. Goodbye, Killian. Thank you for the beautiful memories. The most important thing for me is that you find someone to love. Find someone to share your life, Killian. My wish is for you to be happy.
Dropping his arms, he wanted to hit something, to yell at someone, but he did nothing. He sat and mourned for what could have been but will never be. For what he wanted but could not have. He sat in the same place long into the night, watching as darkness descended around him, feeling the loss and embracing the pain. He sat there until he noticed a wet nose pressing into his side, encouraging him to stand up. Finally, with some persuasion, he slowly stood up and walked into the house and for the first time in a long time, numbed the pain with rum.
The next morning, he woke hoping the day before had been a dream but then seeing the letter again he realized that it had all been true. Wondering why he hadn't shown up. What he could do to change what happened and writing her a letter explaining asking her to give them another chance. Once he was finished he put it in the post box and hoping it would help him feel human again, took a shower and tried to get on with his life without Emma.
Stay tuned for Chapter 13 where the roller coaster continues.