Chapter 4: Fight for It
Climbing out of her room the next morning, she nearly tripped in surprise. She hadn't been expecting him to be waiting for her. Especially not looking so serious. "I need to know who hit on you yesterday."
Her shock at his statement smothered the anticipation she had felt when seeing him. "What? Why?" It had never occurred to her to tell him for a number of reasons. First and foremost, she didn't think he would care. Second, it would indicate that she expected someone else to help or sympathize. Which she did not. And third, it would show that he had gotten to her. Which she was not about to admit. He didn't answer and Ginny folded her arms across her chest. "Well if there's no reason, then I'm not telling."
His face scrunched up and he looked past her shoulder before acquiescing. "Fine. Last night Blaise, in front of others mind you, asked if I thought you'd give him a go. I said no. He got mad, said he'd heard you'd given some Ravenclaw head just yesterday. The problem is Weasley, if I don't do something about it, no one is going to believe I would care about you and Vince together."
Ginny wanted to scream. How dare he! How dare he spread such a malicious rumour. Any hesitation she had about giving Malfoy leave to hurt another student seemed to fly out the window. "Oliver. Oliver Knotting. He's a sixth year in Ravenclaw. Brown hair, about your height, and tan." Malfoy nodded and Ginny hurried after him, a part of her wanting to see just what Malfoy intended to do. It wasn't her proudest moment, but she didn't like lying to herself.
Going into the Great Hall, Ginny fully expected Malfoy to storm over to the Ravenclaw table. Instead, he briefly glanced over to it, and then went to sit calmly at his normal seat. Perturbed and confused, Ginny followed suit. At her table, she grabbed a piece of potato bread and glanced back over to the Slytherin table. He was eating and talking like nothing was wrong. Was he going to do anything? Was she supposed to do something? "Are you still good to meet on the Pitch tomorrow at 9?"
Ginny blinked and looked over at Janice and nodded. Quidditch was a bit of a joke this year, but they did their best. Ginny had handed over captainship to Janice, a fifth year chaser, sure she was going to be too busy with resurrecting the DA to do much. It had turned out for the best. Ginny would have been a horrible captain, being exiled to the dungeons every evening. Still, even with only being able to practice with them on weekends, she was by far the best flyer on the team. Not to mention the oldest. With Harry and Ron gone, there wasn't a single seventh year on the team, and she was the only sixth year. It was more than a little depressing. To the point that she had wondered if staying on the team was worth it. She could always fly by herself after all.
Still, people were talking to her which was a good sign. She ought to encourage it. Mustering up all the enthusiasm she could, she asked what drills were planned for tomorrow, asked Neville if he had a lot of 'homework' this weekend, alluding to the DA of course, and even poked fun at Seamus for having jam on his nose. It should have been natural, easy, but Ginny felt it taking a mental toll. She was sure they all felt it. Keeping up chatter like this was like fighting against the tide. At any moment, you expected the wave of despair to crash, leaving you stranded with your fears and worries.
It was almost with relief that Ginny got up to rush to her first class, knowing she'd have plenty of time to herself. Muggle Studies was not a class to chatter in. Nobody dared do anything but sit and take notes as Alecto Carrow was prone to snap and give detentions for any misdemeanor possible. Poor Mathilda had gotten a detention last week for coughing. As Carrow spoke about muggles living in their own trash, Ginny copied Carrow's statements verbatim. Her notes were copied right onto her homework, and in this way, Ginny didn't have to think about what was being said. It seemed the only way to get through it; the only way to distance herself from the assignments.
It was her only morning class, meaning a free period until lunch. Most sixth years spent the time doing homework, and for the first time since her exile to the dungeons, she had to as well. Normally she got all her work done at night, having nothing else to distract her, but the last two nights had been so strange, that she was actually a bit behind. Heading directly to the library, Ginny settled in.
She was halfway through a transfiguration essay when she found herself biting back a scream. She dropped her quill and grappled for her wand. The quill had transformed into a snake, and was now slithering across the table, aiming right for her. Transforming it back, she looked around the library and found her old dorm mate Lizzie glaring at her. Ginny glared back, but honestly she understood. Lizzie's aunt, Head of the Department of Magical Artifacts, had been acting strange since August. Lizzie was positive her aunt had been imperiused, and hated that there was nothing she could do. Ginny's liaison with Malfoy was bound to feel like a betrayal.
Ginny looked back down at her essay and refocused. She couldn't think like that. If she did, she would never be able to touch Malfoy again, much less kiss him. And she needed to if she was ever going to help Millicent. At least Hermione or Colin weren't here. She didn't know how she would be able to look her muggleborn friends in the eye if they were. No matter how reluctant of a death eater Malfoy was, there was no getting around the fact that he had spent years tormenting them, calling them mudbloods, telling them they were unworthy of magic.
She joined the flow of students headed to lunch and wondered if there was anything she could do about Lizzie. She knew just talking to her wouldn't work. Lizzie was likely to hex her if she tried. But maybe she could send her something. Could she use someone as an intermediary? Lost in thought, Ginny bumped into the person in front of her who had suddenly stopped. Looking around, she realized he wasn't the only one. It seemed the entire school had stopped in order to look at something.
Squeezing her way through, she felt her face pale as she processed what she was seeing. "What's wrong Hicks? You were eager enough to tell Davis about it earlier. So say it to my face!" Hicks was crying, suspended in the air, and it was Malfoy's wand holding him there. "Lost your voice have you? Let's see if this helps bring it back." Hicks screamed as Malfoy ended his levitation spell, only recasting it as Hicks was about to crash onto the floor. Malfoy was smirking and Ginny felt as if she was going to be sick. Hicks was shaken and pale. "Please! I didn't do anything. It was Oliver! He was the one who said it happened." And just like that, Malfoy let Hicks fall the rest of the way to the ground. He lay there, crumpled, but his sobbing was proof he was alive and relatively unharmed.
Malfoy turned around and Ginny had to move in order to see what he was looking at. It was Oliver. The Ravenclaw was trying to run through the crowd, but the press of people was slowing him down. Malfoy waited until Oliver had broken through the last group before attacking. "Stupefy!" Malfoy's curse hit him hard, sending him pitching forward and falling to the floor. Where were the professors? Looking around, Ginny realized she couldn't spot any of Malfoy's friends. They must have been sent out to create distractions or run interference. This had been planned. Premeditated and calculated.
"Knotting is it? I think I've heard that name before. Now where was it that I heard it? Oh yes, from my father. Someone in your family took out a loan to fund their potion research, didn't they? Do you know who granted them that loan?" Oliver shook his head and didn't even attempt to get up. Malfoy was towering over him, wand still pointed threateningly. "My father. And how do you repay me? By going after someone who you knew belonged to me."
Ginny ran forward as Oliver convulsed on the floor, her appetite for revenge completely gone. "Stop it!" Her voice carried through the hall and Malfoy turned to look at her, an uneasy expression in his eyes. And then his expression hardened. "Back off Weasely. Trust me, you don't want an audience watching when I deal with you." A part of her knew he was saying it for show, but a much larger part of her couldn't help but think he meant it. His words were cold and controlled, but his entire body radiated anger. She was frozen in place, her imagination going wild. Malfoy glanced back at Oliver who was watching them with wide eyes, and then turned back to her. If possible, his expression was colder than before.
"Or maybe an audience is just what you deserve. On your knees, now." Ginny blinked and tried desperately to figure out what he was doing. She took too long. Malfoy's wand whipped through the air and she felt herself fall to the floor. Her body ached with the force of it, but she wasted no time in trying to pick herself back up. She had made it to her hands and knees when she felt it. She screamed in pain as Malfoy yanked on her hair to pull her head up, putting her exactly in the position he had ordered. Her scalp throbbed and she began crying, realizing what he meant to do.
"I thought we had an agreement Weasley. As long as you're fucking me, you're not to so much as look at another man." He unbuckled his belt, and Ginny could hear people begin to try and shoot curses. They weren't reaching their mark. Malfoy's wand was now fully engaged in maintaining a protective shield, and it was holding. His free hand moved on to unzipping. She could barely breathe. She had never done anything but kissing and handholding. Dean had groped her chest a few times while making out, but she had never gotten anywhere near what Malfoy was about to make her do. She should be terrified of the idea, but she found the fact that they were in public was all she could think about. Her tears and panic were completely genuine. "I didn't do anything! I swear! He's lying." She could have sworn she saw Malfoy give her a relieved look, but it was gone so quickly she wasn't sure she hadn't imagined it.
"Legilimens." Ginny gasped as she felt Malfoy enter her thoughts, and then quickly realized he was stuck. He couldn't grab on to so much as an emotion. She did not know Occlumency, but it didn't matter. He didn't know Legilimency. "Hmm, interesting. Well, Knotting, anything to say for yourself?" Ginny blinked and tried to pay attention as Oliver broke down and admitted to starting the rumour, but she couldn't. All she could focus on was that it was over. Malfoy had left her kneeling there, shaken and pale. She tried to collect her thoughts and found she couldn't. Would he really have done it? She didn't know, and she realized she didn't want to know.
"What is the meaning of this!" Looking up, Ginny saw Professor McGonagall racing down the stairs, students parting quickly for her. Malfoy had put his wand away, but was still standing over Oliver who was lying on the floor, clutching his crotch in agony. Malfoy didn't answer, but instead looked over McGonagall's shoulder worriedly. And then he smirked.
"And what do we have here? Students standing around, blocking the halls. No doubt for some asinine reason." Every student had turned to stare at their Headmaster, a wave of fear rippling across the crowd. Snape's eyes gleamed. "Anyone not in the Great Hall in the next five minutes will forfeit their lunch and be spending their Friday evening in detention." Professor McGonagall looked up at Snape in irritation. "Headmaster, there has obviously been an incident of serious rule breaking. I assume you will be taking the responsible party into your office for an appropriate punishment?" Snape looked over the scene and lifted an eyebrow. "I see only the result of some physical brawling between boys. Based on the injured parties, it appears Knotting and Hicks had some form of disagreement." Professor McGonagall gaped at him, but knew better than to contradict him outright.
Other professors were heading down now, and Ginny saw older Slytherin students slip quietly into the crowd. "Well? You heard the Headmaster! Get going!" Amycus accompanied his shout with a crack of his wand, and the back of the crowd shrieked as they felt a sensation like a whip hit their backs. As one, the student body began making their way to the Great Hall. Ginny expected her friends to rush over to get her, but instead Malfoy grabbed her arm and pulled her back onto her feet. "I know this is a lot to ask Weasley, but you've got to show we're still together." She looked at him with wide eyes, and he stared back. The coldness was gone and she found his stare oddly comforting. He knew what he had done. He knew she probably hated him right now more than she ever had. But she knew he wasn't going to hurt her. Not now. All of this, hurting those boys and humiliating her, it had all been in order to make her plan work.
If she shoved him away, yelled at him, it would all be for nothing. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Neville and Seamus running towards her, wands out ready to blast Malfoy away from her. Turning back to Malfoy, she grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him into her. Her kiss was hard and demanding. Her hand started to undo his shirt buttons, while she let his hands travel down to grab her bum. Pulling back, she tried to focus only on him and not her friends who were standing stock still, staring at her in disbelief. "I believe Mr. Malfoy, you said something about not wanting an audience for what you were going to do to me? Well the audience is leaving. Why don't you show me just what you had in mind?" Pressed together as they were, Ginny felt her stomach do a flip. Malfoy was getting hard, and it was not nearly as alarming as it should have been.
"Lead the way." Ginny's nerves were going haywire, all too aware that his voice seemed to have lowered and deepened to a timbre that her body apparently very much enjoyed. Grabbing his hand, she led him right past where her friends were standing, and down the nearest corridor. Then, just in case they were still watching, she turned, shoved him against the wall, snogged him thoroughly, and then pulled him into the classroom before slamming the door shut. As soon as the door shut, she slid down the wall and began breathing deeply. What was she doing? Was this it? Had she truly gone around the bend?
"Weasley." Looking up, she decided she really must need a place in St. Mungos. By all rights, she should feel disgusted to be in his presence. She should hate him for what he did in the hall. She should want to curse him from head to toe. That would be the reaction of a sane person. Instead, she wanted him to tell her to get the fuck up, that he wasn't finished with her yet, and have him resume their previous activities. She must be an absolute nutter.
"Knotting is a bloody bastard. Once he realized what I planned to do to you, he was supposed to have jumped in and confessed. I didn't think he was going to let you get punished for his lie like that." Ginny should be mad, furious really. But she wasn't. Oliver had been scared shitless of Malfoy, and had no reason to stand up for her. "Yeah, well, he probably thought I deserved whatever I had coming to me. I had, after all, already given myself to you."
And honestly? She knew she had better get used to that attitude. The entire school had seen Malfoy fling her to the ground and she was still, as far as they knew, fucking him. Well, if she was going to suffer for it, she might as well deserve their scorn.
"What are you doing?" His voice was alarmed and his body was tense. Ginny felt a surge of annoyance. Surely he wasn't that dense. She had gotten up, walked over to him, taken his tie in her hand, and was now kissing his neck. If he couldn't figure it out from that, he was hopeless. She ignored his question and picked up where she had left off with his shirt buttons, eager to have him shirtless. His hands had come up to grip her arms, forcing her to stop. "What do you want?" She frowned and rubbed herself against him, hoping it would be enough.
What did she want? She wanted his body. She wanted to feel human touch, and recapture that feeling of only the present mattering. Not worrying about a war she couldn't stop, not worrying about friends and family she couldn't save. What was she waiting for anyway? Harry? He was likely going to die before all of this was over. Her loving him had done nothing but cause her pain. Whatever she did with Malfoy, it wouldn't really matter. One of them was going to end up dead eventually. School wasn't going to keep them safe forever. Who knew? Maybe it would even be him that killed her in a battle someday.
"I don't want to leave this room looking well snogged Malfoy. I want to look well fucked. You up for it?" He just stared at her and Ginny let out a cry of frustration before succumbing to tears as he made no move to loosen his grip on her arms. She didn't know why she was crying, but she couldn't stop. It wasn't that he had rejected her. In fact, all of her earlier lust had completely left her, leaving her feeling hollow and miserable. He let go of her arms, but she didn't move. She just stood there, sobbing, undoubtedly looking like a complete loon.
"Do you want some chocolate?" Ginny paused at the question and looked at him in shock, but he was serious. He had pulled a chocolate bar out of his bag, and was handing it to her. He also looked wary as if she was a wild manticore that was about to bite his arm off. Trying to regain her composure, she wiped her eyes and nodded. "Yeah, thanks." And then, because what did she have to lose, she asked for what she really wanted. "Would you just hold me?" She didn't really expect him to agree. Sneer maybe. Or remind her that he was a deatheater and deatheaters don't do hugs. But instead he transfigured three chairs into a couch and then sat down. "Come here then."
Not quite sure what her world had become, she sat nearly on top of him and buried her face in his neck, arms clinging to him, while he encircled her in his arms and held tight. "Rough morning, eh?" She couldn't help it. A smile broke out and she laughed into his chest. "Yeah, me too." And from his tone, Ginny realized he meant it. He sounded almost as drained as she was.
"Why do you have chocolate in your bag?" She was still speaking into his chest, not willing to give up the comfort she had found there. "Habit. I've had a sweet tooth for as long as I can remember." As he said it, Ginny found she had known that already. Especially when they were younger, his owl would swoop in with huge packages from home, often brimming with sweets. She had been jealous at the time, wishing her mum had the money to buy and send her candy.
Mum. She thought she might cry again. Instead, she tightened her hold on Malfoy and breathed in his scent. "You know Weasely, you're not at all like I expected." She snorted and rearranged herself so she was leaning up against him, but no longer clutching at him. She thought she'd be okay now. She didn't need Malfoy thinking she couldn't cope on her own. "That's okay. I'm not what I expected either." She felt his chest move as he swallowed a laugh. "Sorry?"
Sitting all the way up, she slipped out of his hold and wondered if she should keep it to herself. She had liked to think she had grown out of her shyness though. And what was he going to do? Make fun of her for it? Possibly. But the rest of the school probably already thought it. What was it to her if he did too? "I've worked hard to stop caring what other people think of me. As long as I know I'm doing the right thing, I don't mind what people say. Well, I try not to. I'm pretty sure wanting you to ravish me isn't the right thing, but I also don't know how it hurts anything. How it would change anything important. So I kind of don't care, and just want to go for it." He held himself very still, and she rolled her eyes. "Don't worry. I'm not that desperate that I'm going to force you if you can't stand the thought of it. You're not that irresistible."
"And what of your virtue?" Ginny tensed and then sighed. He wasn't being malicious. It was a legitimate question. Of course he would consider it important. It was supposed to be important. "And who exactly am I supposed to marry that would care about my virtue after all of this? Besides, I'll likely not even live long enough to marry." Malfoy was staring at her. She could feel his gaze, but she couldn't look at him.
"Plan on dying soon, do you?" Her mouth thinned. That didn't even deserve a response. What did he think? That she wasn't all too aware of people who had already died? Did he think it was just the Dumbledores and Mad Eye Moodys of the world, those too powerful to not catch Voldermort's attention, that were bound to be killed?
"Of course I do. Half my family has almost died already." She had never said that thought out loud before. It had been bothering her more than she wanted to admit. But it was true. If things had gone just a bit differently, her father, Bill, George, and Ron would all be dead already. She looked over to Malfoy shifting uncomfortably and found herself annoyed. "Don't pretend you haven't had the same thought. Wasn't half of last year spent with you worrying that you'd be killed before your seventeenth birthday? There's no way that the terror of the Dark Lord killing you has disappeared." He was pale and Ginny knew she had shaken him. She might have gone too far.
She decided to backtrack. Put the focus back on her before he lost it. "Don't worry. I get it. I'm not accusing you of betraying him. He's terrifying, but you also can't help but get drawn in by him. You want his praise as much as you want him to forget you exist. At least, that's how I felt. I'm sure most death eaters feel the same, whether they realize it or not." He was staring at her as if she had admitted to drinking blood for breakfast. Terrified, yet insatiably curious. "What do you mean that's how you felt?"
Ginny stared at him, waiting for him to put the pieces together, but there was no recognition on his face. She glared. "I was almost killed by him when I was eleven if you remember. Left in the Chamber of Secrets to rot." That had taken him aback. In fact, by his expression, she realized it was new information to him. Of course she knew that the school hadn't been told about her being possessed by Tom. But surely his father had mentioned it. "What?" No. Apparently his father had not mentioned it. Oddly, it only made her angry. Had she not been worth mentioning? Had Lucius Malfoy felt nothing about attempting to murder her in order to bring back his Lord?
Suddenly, she needed Malfoy to know. She needed him to know how much shit everyone else dealt with, and that he wasn't the only one in danger. That being a bystander was probably more dangerous than being a death eater. That his parents' choices had ruined lives. "Your father gave me the Dark Lord's old diary when I was eleven. I hadn't even started Hogwarts yet, and knew nothing about dark magic. He pretended to be my friend at first, made me trust him. And then he possessed me, took over my mind. He made me let out that snake, kill chickens, write on the walls in blood. And then, when it was time, he had me walk down to the Chamber to die."
He stared at her and gaped. "Weasley, I don't…I didn't know. I'm sure my father didn't think it would kill you. You were only 11?" Ginny wanted to hit him, absolutely unsatisfied with his excuse for his father's actions. Instead, she funneled her anger into her voice and kept speaking. "Just like you didn't know that poisoned mead would kill Ron? Just stop, alright. Whether anyone wants me dead or not, it's still likely. That horrible snake Nagini almost killed my dad two years ago. My brother Bill was mauled by Greyback when you let him into the school. And George was almost killed by a death eater this summer. I'm not stupid. I know my number will be up soon. It might even be you that ends my life. But until then, I've got to do something. And if that something is as small as saving a girl from being abused, then fine. But it's not fun. It's hard and the only thing I can think to make this better is snogging you."
She had more to say, but she stopped as Malfoy had grabbed the back of her neck, forcing her to turn her head to stare at him. "So that's it then? You've decided you'd rather die than fight to live?" She furrowed her brow and tried to shake off his hand, but his grip didn't slacken. "What do you mean?" She knew the look he was giving her. The one that screamed impatience. The one you gave to someone being stupid and stubborn. The problem? She wasn't being stupid or stubborn.
"You're a pureblood. You're smart and attractive and good with a wand. All you'd have to do is distance yourself from your family. Get involved with a man that could keep you safe. There's no reason you have to die." She stared at him and spoke slowly. "I told you. I do what is right. No matter the cost." There was a beat of silence, and then he lost it. It was unexpected and frightening, and Ginny could only cower. He was standing now, shattering the desks and the chairs and the chalkboard with magic fueled by anger. He hadn't touched the couch though, and after everything else had been destroyed, he dropped his wand onto the ground and pushed her onto her back. Ginny lay on the couch staring at him with wide eyes, as he swung his legs over in order to straddle her.
She was certain he was going to speak. But he didn't. Instead he kissed her, tongue plunging into her mouth and caressing everything it touched. Stunned, she went to shake him off of her, but it was too late. His hands had captured her wrists and were holding them hostage above her head, while his legs had maneuvered themselves to hold hers down. She successfully twisted to free her mouth from his, but she may as well not have. He was kissing her neck gently, aware it was still bruised and tender from yesterday, and completely ignoring her as she tried to ask what that had been about. Fed up, she yelled "Draco!" but that only made him kiss her mouth once more in order to shut her up.
She knew she had asked for this. She had been the one to suggest it. Still, it was hard to just go with it. She had no idea why he had decided to do this, and she had no idea how far he was intending to go. "Finish taking my shirt off." It was a demand, issued in a low, husky voice. He had released her wrists in order to start undoing her shirt buttons. If she was going to stop this, now would be the time. She didn't. Instead, she unbuttoned his shirt and began running her hands up and down his chest as he finished with hers. She gasped as he undid her tie while kissing down her exposed torso. She felt herself heating up and clenched her thighs together, clutching at his back. She pulled herself up to get close enough to kiss his shoulder while he went to go take her bra off. She had been sure she was going to do it. Let him take her further than she had ever gone. But as she felt her bra straps start sliding off her shoulders, she froze. Clutching him tightly, she felt her body tense, her heart racing.
He noticed the change in her and paused. She didn't want to move. Positioned as she was, her bra was still covering her breasts. If she moved, her straps would pull down and she would be exposed. "How far have you gone before?" His voice was low and calm, and she found herself relaxing. "I've never done anything under the clothes." It made no sense, but Ginny found herself embarrassed by the confession. Had she really wanted Malfoy to think she was more sexually experienced than she was? Yes. That was what was embarrassing. That she was willing to let him do things to her she had never let a boy do to her before. Gently, he lowered her so she was lying on her back, and then he started to rebutton his shirt.
"Malfoy? You don't have to stop. Sorry I froze. I just…" She trailed off as she realized he was looking at her in anger. She was not a shy person. She was not a quiet person. But lying underneath him just now, she was all those things and more. "We need to get to class. Lunch must be over soon." He had gotten off the couch and turned away, giving her privacy to put her bra back on and redo her buttons and tie. She couldn't help but feel like an idiot. When was the last time she had let her nerves get the better of her? It was pathetic.
She cleared her throat once her clothes were back on. He turned around and she was surprised to see the anger was still there. "If anyone tries anything with you, hex them. Make it as public and humiliating as possible." She glared at him. Did he think she didn't know how to stand up for herself? Had he been deaf and blind over the years? There was a reason she had been in the Slug Club last year, and it wasn't because of family connections. "Don't worry. You won't have to fight a battle on my behalf ever again." And with that, she stormed out, headed to her next class, refusing to look back.