A/N: First update of this week! So, last chapter was a BPOV and ended with a not-so-little declaration. I hope you like this follow on... from a different POV. As always, thanks for reviewing!

I'll Always Find Peace In The Meadow

Chapter Forty-nine: 'Listen to me, Bella Swan' (Edward POV)

Sunday 10 September 2017

"I love you."

As soon as the words leave my mouth, Bella's eyes snap open. Her large, currently watery brown eyes hold mine with a look so fierce, it's impossible to look away. But that's a good thing, because I don't want to. Even after admitting something so delicate.

I've known I've loved her for a while now. I think I was in love with her even before I knew it. Long before I knew it actually. It's a knowledge I've been keeping to myself for quite some time. I think the fact that I love her is why it hurt so much when she rejected me over two months ago, after we watched that Gladiator movie.

For me, agreeing to start up this friends-with-benefits arrangement we've got going on was my way of getting closer to the person that I love, though I didn't know this at the time. Some people may think this was a stupid idea because for all I know Bella was just proposing the idea to test her own teenage curiosities. I think that was the case at first, but I don't know, I just feel like something has changed between us since then. Something has shifted between us.

Around other people, we act as two best friends would, but when we are alone, we act as a couple would. And I'm not just talking about the sex - which is incredible by the way. No, it's more than that. Though we do do that a lot, we are also content to just sit and hold hands while we talk or lay in each others arms while we take a nap. We are content with just being together.

We bring out the best in one another. I know that she has changed me for the better. I find myself complaining less and less about my family, not just to her but to myself. I don't know if the fact that I'm privy to her horrendous home life has contributed in any way, but I find myself looking at things differently. More positively. Sure, I still find my families ways abhorrent and outrageous. They are stuck up and snobby, but they have also provided me with a life full of luxury, whether it was just because they felt like they had to or not. They love me in their own ways. I'm lucky to have them, because others, like Bella, aren't so lucky.

I realised my feelings for Bella went deeper than I'd ever imagined for the first time when she showed me a particularly nasty bruise not too long after I found out about the abuse. It covered the width of her back, right across the middle. It was caused by a ceramic ornament being thrown at her back, apparently because Bella turned her back on Renee before the bitch was finished scolding her for leaving the living room blinds a little wonky after cleaning them. I don't even know if you can call it a bruise exactly. It was awful. Black in most places and a ghastly deep purple in others. It took almost a month to fade away and when I first saw it, I actually shed a tear. My heart felt like it had been ripped from my chest and trampled on by a herd of elephants. I felt like I was the one that had been attacked, because when Bella is hurting, I am too. It's been that way with every injury she has shown me, no matter how minor they may be.

When I saw the newest one on her stomach, the one she received only this morning, I had the urge to do something I'd never done before: to kiss it. I haven't shied away from her injuries entirely these past few months - if I did that then I'd never be touching her. I have applied ointment to a few bad ones she's had on her back for example, but I don't go out of my way to pay attention to them either. It's not that they revolt me - that could never be the case - but it's because I hate to keep her attention on what Renee does to her. That's the reason I always stick to short quick questions, so that I can be knowledgeable of them but get the topic of conversation off of them as soon as. The urge to kiss the bruise today was a new thing for me. It was just right there, looking so painful and all I wanted to do was somehow soothe the pain. She was straddling my lap and I knew that all it would take was for her to raise her stomach a little higher so it was almost in line with my jaw.

Once I pressed a kiss to the bruise, I felt her hands weave into my hair and turn my head upwards. The kiss was needy and grateful and loving all at once. When we parted only to rest our foreheads together, when I looked into her eyes and saw the tear stains on her cheeks, when I wiped them away and she placed her hands on top of mine, those three words just slipped out. It wasn't planned, but it isn't something I regret either, because in the moments building up to my quiet admission, right before she closed her eyes, I saw the warmth and affection within them. I wasn't sure if it was love, but at that moment I didn't care.

And now, as the silence drags on and on, I still don't care.

I don't know what the matter is with me. I've been avoiding uttering those words for long enough now, knowing that the consequences could be great, but right now I. Just. Don't. Care.

Bella's eyes jump back and forth between mine with rapid speed. "What?" she finally squeaks. It's the first thing she's said since I said those three words and I can't help but chuckle a little. I press my lips to hers for a gentle kiss, and her hands, which are still resting over mine, slide down to my wrists. My hands don't leave her face as I pull my mouth away from hers and lean our foreheads back together.

"I. Love. You," I repeat, just as confidently as the first time. Though my heart is beating at a breakneck pace right now, I seriously do feel confident. Her eyes refill with tears and she let's out a strangled sob slash laugh as she launches her entire body at mine, releasing my wrists and almost knocking me back down to the blanket. I brace us with one hand to the blanket while the other wraps around her waist.

Bella pulls away, and now the rolls are reversed. Her hands cup my face as she stares into my eyes. "Do you mean it?" she whispers. I don't know whether to feel hurt at her question or amused. But after reminding myself that she's gone for so long without any love and affection, I settle on amused yet saddened.

"Yes, Bella," I say back with as much conviction in my voice as I can possibly manage. "I love you. I've loved you for a while now. You're not just my best friend, and what we have isn't just a 'friends with benefits' arrangement. Not to me. It's more, it has been for a while. I..." I look away for a moment, a sudden flash of uncertainty presenting itself, but she urges my eyes back to hers with a slight pressure on my cheek. She stares at me intently as I continue speaking. "When my family moved here, I didn't expect to like anyone, to befriend anyone. Especially when I met the types of people in this town. I didn't even want to move here, I hated the idea. But then I met you, and yes, you were a little... difficult to reach in the beginning." At that she chuckles and looks down. Now it's my turn to tilt her gaze back to mine. "But you let me in eventually and I couldn't be happier about it. I didn't expect to find friends here in Forks. I was going to settle for my sister's choices and get through high school without any attachments to this town. I didn't expect to meet you. I didn't expect to fall in love." A lone tear eacapes one of her eyes and I reach up to wipe it away. "I do love you, Bella. When you're happy, I'm happy. When you're down, I want to do everything in my power to make you smile again. When you hurt, I hurt," and as I say this I gently place my hand underneath her open shirt, over her newest bruise.

"Oh, Edward," she breathes, wrapping her arms around my neck and leaning forward to press a hard kiss to my lips. She pecks my cheeks and eyes and nose and then my forehead with little kisses before returning to my mouth. She pulls away too soon, her eyes closed for a second before she opens them and rests her forehead to mine. "I love you, too." I inhale sharply at her whispered admission, having hoped so much for the words but still not fully expecting them. The smile to stretch across my face a moment later is sure to blind her, but her answering one is just as wide. "I've known for a while, too, I just wasn't sure when or even if I should tell you. I was scared you'd reject me or that me telling you would ruin our friendship. And I couldn't handle that because I've come to rely on you. You're my sanctuary, not this place," she says as she gestures to the meadow around us. "It's you. I wouldn't care if I could never come to this place again as long as I have you. I wanted to tell you, so many times the words were on the tip of my tongue but I just wasn't sure how you'd react. I never suspected that you felt the same, though I am so pleased that you do. I just wasn't sure you could love someone like me-"

"Like you? What do you mean?" I pull my head away at her words. She sighs heavily and my brow furrows deeply.

"You know... someone with such a difficult past. I'm fucked up, Edward. My life is fucked up. I've lost everyone who ever cared about me, one being my fault, and I've been alone for so long. I've believed for so long that I'm unlovable. Maybe I don't deserve it or I'm not worthy of it, but it's what I've believed. I mean, who can ever love me if my own mother doesn't even love me?"

I can't hear anymore of this. My hand flies up to her mouth where I firmly shut her up. "Now you listen to me, Bella Swan. Your past and your current circumstances do not make you fucked up. You are not the reason your father is gone and you are not unworthy of love. If anything you are the most deserving person of it. You've been dealt a shitty hand in life that most people wouldn't be able to handle, yet you survive each and every day. You have done for almost seven years. That doesn't make you fucked up or unlovable. That makes you the strongest and bravest person I have ever met. Your mother is an evil monster. She treats you in the most atrocious of ways but yet here you are, a stubborn-assed feisty young woman who I am privileged to be loved by." She giggles happily at my words, wiping the moisture from her face with the back of her hand. "If you're unworthy of love then everyone else in this world is far less so. I mean, what's not to love? You're kind and funny and passionate about the things you love. You're strong and you're brave and yes, you can be stubborn as hell but I love you all the more for it. And of course, you're stunning." She goes to roll her eyes but at my stern, warning look thinks better of it and just smiles.

She sighs happily as she wraps her arms back around my neck. "I'm the privileged one," she whispers around a wide grin, before pressing her mouth to mine. I shake my head lightly and smile into the kiss as I wrap my arms around her, making sure not to squeeze too hard this time.

Our smiles slowly slip away as our lust grows stronger. My shirt is the first to go, and soon after I'm pushing her already open shirt from her shoulders, flinging it away. It's not long before the rest of our clothes have been discarded, even Bella's necklaces. She places open-mouthed kisses on my neck and behind my ear - something I seriously love - as she reaches down to wrap her hand around my hard length to place me at her entrance. Not much foreplay is needed today; the build up of kisses was enough to get her ready.

Her mouth returns to mine, hovering just above it as she sinks down onto me, drawing out groans from the both of us. We remain not even a breath apart at the mouths as she pulls up slowly and drops back down just as slowly. She repeats this action again, in the same agonisingly slow tempo. Our mouths finally meet in a crash as we find a rhythm that suits us both. What starts out as slow and gentle soon turns into fast and needy. We're both chasing our highs, with me doing more of the work from below so she doesn't have to aggravate the bruise on her stomach too much. My hands grip her waist tightly so I can stop her movements, but with my thrusts continuing, as our mouths part. Bella's moans are close to my ear as she buries her head in my neck, spurring me on.

I can feel her nails digging into the bare flesh of my shoulders and the slight pain only adds to the immense pleasure. "Oh God... Edward... I'm..."

Nothing will ever beat the feeling of her inner muscles squeezing me as she reaches her climax. I can never withstand it. It always succeeds in tipping me over the edge right along with her. I wrap one arm around her waist, the other around the top of her back as I bury my face in her hair and moan loudly.

Her hair is plastered to her sweaty back beneath my arms and after giving myself several moments to slow my breathing, I unwrap my arms from around her and scoop her hair out of the way so I can kiss her shoulder that's closest to me. She giggles breathlessly as she pulls her face from the crook of my neck. "Well, we can both officially say we've done it outdoors now," she says with another giggle as she pulls herself back enough to see my face. She's holding herself up with a hand at either side of my head, looking down at me with her long hair all swept over her right shoulder, hiding most of her arm, a larger than large grin on her face. The smile contorts as she shivers.

"We can, but maybe next time we should do it in the summer?" I suggest, grinning. She nods and stretches over to her bag. She laughs at my sigh as I lose her heat.

"It's a good thing I brought two blankets today," she says as she returns to my lap with a large blanket. She resumes her previous position, but wraps the blanket around herself and then drops to my chest, burying her face back into my neck so now we're both cocooned in the warmth. I wrap my arms around her beneath the blanket and peck the top of her head. She releases a wistful sigh and I nudge her head so she lifts it. Remaining close to me beneath the blanket, she looks down at me. "Don't you wish we could stay here, like this, forever?"

I smile and nod solemnly. "That would be a dream," I reply, looking into her eyes, which, at this close proximity, look like a swirling pool of chocolate. "Bella?" I say her name softly, though I have no clue what I plan to say next. She nods, not breaking our eye contact. "Would you be my girlfriend?" I ask, and then blush, both because I honestly didn't expect to say that and also because of how silly the question sounds. Her answering smile is blinding.

"Really?" she breathes.

"Yeah," I nod with a bashful smile. "That term sounds so inadequate for us, doesn't it?"

"No, no," she rushes to say. "It's fine. It's wonderful. I would love that."

I grin at her and raise my head the small distance needed to press my mouth to hers. It's a slow, tender kiss, differing so much from the deep, lust filled ones we were exchanging not too long ago.

"I love you," she whispers and I return the sentiment before she returns her head to my neck with another sigh, though this time it sounds much more content than wistful.

Her skin is slightly cold, even beneath the blanket, so I rub my hands up and down her arms to try and help warm her up. It's only after a few passes that I freeze at the tops of her arms, one of my hands resting on her left tricep where I know a yellow patch is. It's a bruise that's close to being completely gone now. It's not too big, not the biggest one I've seen on her, but when it was fresh it was completely black. There wasn't one millimeter of another colour anywhere on that patch of skin. She recieved that one for moving Renee's makeup bag - in reality, all she'd done was tidy it away.

Bella tenses underneath my touch and I wish I'd never brought attention to it. She slowly pushes up until she's once again propped up with a hand at either side of my head. My hand doesn't fall away from her arm. She stares at me for a moment, a pensive look on her now saddened features. She then looks away from my face and down at my chest. She remains silent for a long minute. "I have another one that you haven't seen yet," she confesses, almost reluctantly.

"What?" My shock is palpable. She's gotten two more since I last saw her? Fuck! This is only getting worse! I so wish I could do something about it! I hate the monster - not woman - that does this to her. I can't believe I ever thought she was a nice perso, and I can't believe that I once told Bella she was lucky to have a mother like that. It just goes to show, you shouldn't jump to conclusions without all the facts.

She nods sullenly. "Sorry for not telling you sooner."

"Don't apologise. Where?" And so my four-step questioning begins. I ask the same four questions every time. I've done it from the first one she showed me after that day I found out. It seemed like the best course of action to attain all the necessary information at the time and it's just stuck. I know Bella hates to reveal anything, but I'm aware of this now. I can't just turn away and pretend like everything's fine.

She doesn't meet my eyes once as she answers my four questions, as well as my worries about possibly hurting her because I didn't know about the bruising sooner. She promises me that I didn't. And then, without a word, she climbs off of my lap and shows me. Across the backs of both of her thighs, about half way down, is a black, purple-y stripe. On the bottom of the stripe there seems to be a very faint checkered pattern. That proves what Bella said, about this being caused by the whip of a dish towel. I trace the stripe delicately, while Bella rests on her hip, tense from head to toe the entire time.

Still eerily silent, she reaches into her bag for the cream I've been applying frequently - too frequently. I feel some relief when I see her pull out the small tube; it's a sign that she planned to tell me about this one at some point today. I carefully apply it before throwing the cream to the ground in front of us and going to lay down behind Bella. She moved to lie completely on her side while I was applying the cream.

She stops me however, removing the blanket from around her body and throwing it over the both of us as she lays back down, pulling me with her. With my chest to her back, my arms around her waist, we lay silently for a while. The faint sound of my phone and the snippet of my newest composition still plays on a loop from somewhere behind us. I haven't bothered to turn it off since earlier.

Bella still hasn't uttered a word after five minutes of silence and I can't say I'm not worried. I prop my chin on her shoulder after placing a kiss to her skin and whisper, "I'm sorry," wanting to break the silence but not knowing how to in any other way than that. She shifts so she's on her back in front of me, looking up at me with a confused expression.

"What have you got to be sorry for?" Yes! I got her talking!

I shrug and look down at her shoulder. "I'm just sorry that this happens to you."

"It's not your fault, Edward." I look at her face, into her eyes.

"It's not yours either," I reply quietly. She sighs and looks away. I can almost see the eye roll that she's holding back. I sigh, too. Why won't she believe me? Looking back down at her shoulder, I spot the two chains that are as much a part of Bella as her blood is. She must have put them back on before lying down, while I was applying the cream.

After glancing cautiously at her face and seeing that she's still gazing in the other direction, I tentatively reach up and trace the chain at the column of her neck. When I glance back up at her face, I'm shocked when I find that her eyes have locked onto me, suspicion as clear as day in them.

I trace the chain all the way to the key which is nestled between her breasts - those I try my hardest to ignore. I pick up the key and hold it close to my face so I can inspect it better than ever before. Still holding the old looking key, I look down at Bella. Her gaze is flicking restlessly between my face and the key in my hand.

"What is it for?" I ask eventually. Her gaze settles on my face and she looks flustered for a moment.

"Nothing," she answers in a rush after a moments hesitation. "It's just a piece of jewellery." She reaches out for it, but, without strangling her, I move it out of her reach. She glares at me.

"Seriously, Bella? You do realise I know you better than anyone."

She huffs. "That's what you like to think," she mutters grumpily under her breath.

"Am I wrong?" Her silence is all the answer I need. "Exactly. So, what's it for?"

She huffs again and pouts. I laugh but shake my head, not giving in. Her cute pout disappears and she suddenly looks extremely uncomfortable, making me feel beyond guilty. Just as I'm about to cave and tell her that it doesn't matter, she answers me.

"You wouldn't understand if I told you." Her answer is enough to peak my interest and have me swallowing my surrender.

"Try me," I tell her.

She sighs and just stares at me for some time. "Maybe I'll show you some time," is all she says, but I take this as a victory, as progress made, and smile widely. She smiles too, not as widely as me but still, it's a smile. She reaches for the key and just as before, I swipe it out of the way. She glares at me again.

"Promise?" I ask, grinning wider than before. She sighs but I can detect her lips pulling up at the corners. She nods and when she reaches for the key this time, I allow her to take it from me.

She frowns at me as she drops it to the space above her shoulder, further out of my reach while still keeping the chain about her neck. I chuckle and lower my head to her shoulder, kissing the skin there once more. I rest my chin on the top of her arm and look at her. "I love you," I say, earning a smile in place of her frown.

"I love you more," she replies.

"Not-" My reply is cut off by Bella reaching out to draw me in for a kiss. The cheeky minx.

~I*A*F*P*I*T*M~

We left the meadow a little before 4:00PM. Bella had to be back home in time for her curfew, and to cook dinner for Renee. I left the meadow with her; it wouldn't feel right being there without her so I didn't stay, even when she told me that I could if I wanted to.

When I enter my house after waving Bella off, I pass Alice on the stairs. "Hey, Ali."

"Fuck off, Edward."

I grit my teeth and carry on down the stairs. I've tried making more of an effort with at least being nice to my sister since I found out about Bella, but Alice doesn't make it easy. Sometimes she'll reply pleasantly enough, but most of the time, especially lately, she's been a mega bitch. More so than usual. She's been like this since a couple weeks before the summer ended, when Jasper left for college. It turns out that there was more going on between them two than just fooling around like I'd assumed. They'd been on many dates and rumour has it Jasper had chopped down his number of girls considerably since he set eyes on my sister. His leaving has put Alice in a foul mood for most of the time. I would ask about their relationship, to find out if they are still in touch or whatever, but whenever he is even mentioned by anyone, she becomes this angry little fireball who's unbearable to be around.

I continue down to my room where I lock the door behind me and head straight into my wardrobe. I grab the notepad from the small suitcase I keep in a bottom shelf compartment in here, and sit with my back against my now closed wardrobe door as I write what I have learnt today. I began recording everything Bella tells me in a notebook from the moment I got home the night that I found out. I know that Bella doesn't want me telling anyone about the abuse that she suffers through, and as painful as it is for me, I'll abide by my promise, but that doesn't mean that I have to just sit by and do absolutely nothing. Even if no one ever sees this notebook, it makes me feel better knowing that I have some back-up if this were to ever get out. There is no way that I'd let Renee get away with anything she does to Bella. To my girlfriend - that thought makes me smile despite the horrid words I am writing.

A knock on my bedroom door startles me just as I'm finishing up, causing me to ruin the last word. I quickly cross it out and rewrite it before hurrying to hide the notebook and answer my door.

My mother stands on the other side of it. "Why is your door locked?" she asks, highly suspicious.

"Um, I... I was, um..." Real smooth. I don't know how Bella can keep so much hidden.

"On second thoughts, I don't want to know," she says, shaking her head with a disturbed look on her face as she holds a parcel out to me. I blush at her insinuation, although I wasn't doing anything like... that, and take the parcel from her.

I frown down at it. It's not closed properly. "Did you open it?" I accuse, looking up at her. She doesn't even look ashamed.

"I had to make sure you weren't purchasing anything untoward online. You are my son. It's good to check in on your activities every now and then. You'll understand one day when you have children of your own."

She doesn't stay to talk for much more than that. She turns and walks away, heading up the stairs. I shake my head and close my door, purposefully not locking it as I sit at my desk to look over my purchase, to make sure it's all in order and my mother didn't tamper with it in any way. If she knew who it's really for then I wouldn't put it past her.

I pull the contents out of the box and smile as I look them over. She's going to love them.

Bella's birthday is on Wednesday, in three days. I told her toward the beginning of the summer just gone that I'd make this birthday her best one yet, and I wasn't joking. I intend to make her day special, because something other than the fact that she spent her 13th birthday alone tells me that they've all been unimpressive since her father passed.

Almost everything is prepared for her birthday. I just have one more thing to sort out before Wednesday but I'll do that tomorrow. It won't be celebrated with anyone but me and her, I assume that's the way she'd want it. I mean, it's not like she'd want her mother around for her special day.

I've told my parents of my plans. My mother wasn't too pleased but I didn't give either of them much of a choice. My father had a completely different reaction to my mother. He praised me on my "generosity" and said that what I was doing was lovely and that Bella will be very happy with it. I can't work out what his game is exactly. He's not extremely friendly with Bella, but he's accepting of her in his own way. He never asks about her and stays away whenever she's at our house, but he never speaks ill of her either, like my mother and sister often do.

Unfortunately, for my plans to work out, I had to ask the Monster if Bella could stay out past her curfew on her birthday. That conversation was sickening, which is an understatement. I hated every moment I was stood in front of her, every second she put on her false front and acted like the world's most doting mother to her wonderful daughter. It's easy to see why no one has ever suspected anything untoward going on in the Swan home. It sickened me to the core. But it was all for Bella, so I persevered. I had to act like nothing was wrong, because I know that if Renee ever found out that I know of her true ways, Bella wouldn't survive it. The only thing holding me back from cursing the bitch was the thought of the consequences that could have on Bella.

I drove to PA after school last Tuesday (Bella had a two hour shift at the bookstore) to 'visit my mother at work'. In reality, I was there to see Renee. My mother wasn't all too pleased to have me interrupting her work, but she didn't let on to that in front of anyone. It wasn't until we were alone in her office that she admonished me for turning up unannounced, and it was then that I told her I was there for another reason: to ask Renee about Bella's birthday. Technically, it was my only reason for my surprise visit. My mother begrudgingly let me, though I would have gone through with it even if she hadn't. I guess I can be rebellious, as she has told me. She called Renee into her office for me, but she stayed in the room throughout the entire conversation, watching me out the corner of her eye.

I hoped that asking Mrs Monster in her place of work, in front of her boss, would mean that she'd feel like she had to say yes. I didn't even feel the slightest bit bad for ultimately forcing her into agreeing. I made a point of saying that Bella has absolutely no idea of my plans, in hopes that she wouldn't punish Bella for being put in a tricky situation. It was a huge risk, I know, but Bella hasn't mentioned anything so I assume it worked.

Once Renee said yes, and after she stressed the fact that she's so happy I made such plans because she just had too much to do to plan anything (bitch!), I decided to test her. I asked her if she had any suggestions on what to get Bella for a birthday gift and she replied immediately with "a nice pair of earrings or perhaps a necklace. Nothing too expensive, dear, but a few carats wouldn't go amiss." She failed the test. Her gift suggestion proved to me how little she knows about her own daughter because Bella never wears jewellery, excluding her two necklaces. She would hate it if I spent money on getting her something blingy, like something with diamonds. Either Renee really doesn't know her daughter at all, or she is hoping I get Bella something like she suggested so she can steal it for herself to either wear or sell. She knows my family is wealthy after all.

I didn't stay any longer than necessary, feeling dirty having even spoken to that monster at all. But it was worth it. That short while of torture was worth getting the permission to make Bella's day as perfect as I promised.

And it will be.

I hope.

A/N: So, it was Edward who said ILY first. Did anyone expect that? I hope their heart-to-heart in the meadow was okay. I was worried about making it too cheesy, or not heartfelt enough. Let me know your thoughts on it in a review! I hope you enjoyed and I'll see you at the next chapter (either Wednesday or Thursday).