Chapter 5: The Confession
Bob
He was rambling and he knew it, mindlessly straightening up the kitchen as he tried to end the conversation. The question bothered him, and lying made it even worse. He knew he was walking a dangerous line; one misstep, and everything he'd worked so hard to fix would burn to ashes-
"-incredible! I feel warm all over, like every part of me is full of high voltage. Everything is electric... and it's wonderful."
Bob stilled, confused. The voice sounded like Dot's but was tinny and distant. He turned around as she got out of her chair and walked to the window. The voice continued from a small tablet propped up on the table. He stepped closer and his breath caught as he watched a younger and giddier Dot gush into the camera, her face and voice as vibrant as her rainbow hair. Unease washed over him.
"-most wonderful, beautiful, amazing dream I've ever had. I don't think I'll ever feel anything like this again. So, I didn't want to forget. I have this bad feeling that this will never come again. He's going to leave, and I'll stay..."
He sank into the chair, heart pounding with dread.
"I want to remember everything. Every smile. Every touch. Every kiss."
His gut clenched.
"The way he looked when he whispered, I love you."
His fingers twitched as he remembered holding her face, the words flowing too easily.
"And… remember this."
The camera moved and Bob felt the world ripped out beneath him as his own younger self came into view, blissfully unaware of Dot and her innocent recording. She kissed him and his body responded, on the video and in the present. No! His hand snapped out and slammed the tablet facedown. He struggled to get his breathing under control, but his heart wouldn't stop ramming against his ribcage. No no no.
And suddenly, everything about the night made sense. Conveniently too late. "For User's sake, Dot," he breathed. "Why didn't you just ask me?"
"I did," she answered, voice thick around the words. "I asked you what happened, so many ways. And you just kept lying to me."
"No!" he turned on her, not attempting to hide his anger. "You baited me! You didn't ask about this!" he gestured at the tablet.
"And how exactly does one go about that, Bob?" she snapped. "'Hey, remember that time you slept with me? Whatever happened with that?' Is that right?"
"Oh, sure, because bringing this up in casual conversation is so much easier. 'Wow, great game play today! By the way, we had sex once. Can you pass the potatoes?'" He threw his arms out. "That would have gone over so well!"
Her stare was withering. "A conversation would have been much better than finding out like this."
He turned in his chair, leaning back against it with a new-found exhaustion. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Yeah."
The room was quiet save for the rapid tapping of the rain, accented by the occasional burst of thunder. After a few nanos, the chair moved as Dot settled back in her seat. "All this time, you kept it from me," she said softly, "because it wasn't worth remembering?"
He winced at her choice of words. "I didn't mean it like that."
"Then how did you mean it? How could you do that - how could you say those words, and then pretend it never happened?"
"I was trying to protect you."
"From who, you?"
Yes. "From this," he gestured around them. "From this conversation, this pain. The embarrassment."
She tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear. "I was that bad, then?" she tried to ask lightly and not quite pulling it off.
"Wha-? Dot, no." He looked at her in disbelief. "That's not-" he rubbed his mouth as he tried to explain. "The morning after, when I explained what happened the first time, you panicked that you did something you couldn't remember. And honestly, I didn't - I couldn't tell you that you were right."
"You mean you couldn't tell me how you took advantage of me?"
He flinched and looked away.
"Well, no time like the present." She leaned back and crossed her arms, "Fill in the blanks, Bob. What really happened to me that night?"
He stared out across the kitchen and into the living room. Just as so many nights before, the memories played out; every word spoken, every touch shared, every wrong decision on display. "I brought you here because you didn't want to go to the Principal's Office," he started softly, his tone flat and detached. "You invited me in and we talked, about Enzo, about your father, about bad choices we'd made. You were so hard on yourself for what happened, and I was still blaming myself for my mentor's death before the explosion."
'Sprites have their limits. You're allowed to be a sprite…'
He remembered her hug, the way her body fit perfectly into his, and the comfort he felt with her. "We were fighting our own demons, and we just clicked. Two strangers with common ground. But he was still out there, and you were afraid he might come back. I didn't want you left alone, so I offered to stay. And you were so happy." He swallowed as he re-lived their first kiss. He tried to block out the memory, but he could still feel the weight of her, touch the softness of her body and taste the sweetness of her lips. He felt the anger at Glitch's interference, the protectiveness turning into possessiveness, the flash of fear that something was so terribly wrong-
"Bob?"
His eyes flew open and he was back in the present. It was almost jarring, leaving behind the Dot who so innocently seduced him to stare at the Dot who's eyes bore right down into his soul. Unnerved, he broke the gaze first. "What?" His voice was gruff with irritation.
Her hand slid across the table and clasped his, fingers interlacing. She squeezed gently and he looked up. "I see ghosts in your eyes. Let them go, Bob."
It was salt in the wound. No matter how much she got hurt, she always put herself second. He still didn't deserve her, and he never would. The support she offered only cast his actions into a harsher light. And the truth she so desperately wanted he could never give her. Because she deserved so much better...
He needed to end it, for her sake.
"I should have left," he said, and he pulled his hand from hers, ignoring the momentary hurt in her eyes. "I should have reported him and sent someone else to protect you. I knew something was wrong. Glitch knew it, too. Tried to warn me and I just… ignored it. Until it was too late."
"What do you mean?"
He pressed his lips together, the words harder to get out than he imagined. "You weren't the only one drugged that night."
"What?" She frowned at him, not understanding.
"When I found you, he attacked me, and the drug got into my system. Like you, I didn't know. And if I felt half the things you did, Dot," he sighed, "then it's no wonder we... but that's why I kept quiet; why I was embarrassed.
"Because everything about that night was a lie."
She took a slow breath, her eyes bouncing between his as the words sunk in.
"Everything we did," he continued quietly, "everything we said, it wasn't real. It wasn't us. And to find out the next morning that my mind had been altered without knowing it, that my reality was questionable..." He shook his head. "Dot, I'm glad you forgot. And I wish you'd never found that vid. I never wanted you to feel like something had been taken from you. Especially not like that. That's why I never told you." Gently, he slid the tablet back to her. "But I can't undo this. I can only tell you, I'm sorry. Sorry that I wasn't strong enough, that I let you down."
Dot looked at the tablet, her fingernails worrying at her lip. When she inhaled, her jaw quivered slightly, and her hand immediately moved to cover it. "So, it was all fake," she said as she cleared her throat. "Isn't that a relief?"
"Dot, don't-"
"Don't what, Bob?" she looked at him, pain and anger coloring her voice. "Don't mourn the cycles of Dell I went through after my father deleted? Don't hurt for the loss of my innocence? Don't be angry for being robbed of something that sounded so-" she put her head in her hand and let out a shaky breath. "It's just not fair. To finally have something good and see it ripped away again."
"…Again?"
"Yes, again. Because when you took me dancing that night, it was the most amazing thing since the Twin City went up. Until I ruined it. But I thought, with time, maybe things could be different. And now," her hand gestured to the tablet, "I thought this meant something. I mean, I was hurt and betrayed and so confused, but I still hoped."
He looked down. "Dot…"
"How many times are you going to break my heart?"
The question took the breath right out of him. He turned, getting up from his chair and walking over to the Java machine to get some distance. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. It wasn't supposed to be this hard. He reached into the cabinet for another cup, moving as casually as he could. "I know you don't want to hear this right now," he started off gently. "But you will meet someone-"
"I have met someone. He's my best friend and my hero."
His hand gripped the mug tight enough to break it, remembering the last time she'd called him that. He couldn't fall for her again. He wouldn't. He turned and leaned against the counter, holding her serious gaze with one of his own. "I am also Mainframe's Guardian. My mission is to protect this system and its citizens, with no exceptions, and no distractions."
"Is that how you see me, a distraction?"
If only you knew. "You are my friend. But anything more? Yes, you would be. And I won't risk my purpose here for that. Ever."
"Then why did you kiss me back at the Diner?"
Because you're the most beautiful sprite I've ever seen. It was déjà vu all over again, her passion so much like that first night. But this time, he wouldn't give in. "I may be a Guardian, but I'm still a sprite. Even I have my limits. Just ask Mouse."
Her cheeks reddened and she dropped her gaze, but not before he saw how precisely he'd hit the mark. It killed him inside to do this to her, but he knew it was the right thing for her. No matter what it did to him.
She reached for the tablet and stood up, not looking at him. "I think we both can agree that was uncalled for."
"I told you before to let it go, Dot."
"And you told me I was your best friend."
"You are-"
"I was."
He paused. "You are. And everything I've done was to protect you. I swear, if I could have taken it all back, if I could have stopped this from ever happening - there is not a second that goes by that I don't regret that night. If there was something I could do to make it right, I would."
Dot was quiet for a long nano, her eyes closed and body completely still. Then, "If I asked something of you now, would you do it?"
"What do you mean?"
"To fix it." When he hesitated, she scoffed. "Nothing like that. You've made it abundantly clear you'll never love me."
He was glad she couldn't see how wrong she was, or how much he regretted that she was right. "What is it?" he asked softly.
"Your promotion. You asked me before if I wanted you to leave, to go to bigger and better systems." She raised her eyes to his. "And now my answer is yes."
It took everything he had not to react. "You want me to leave Mainframe?"
"As grateful as I am for everything you've done for us, I think we've just established that you've done enough." She put the tablet in her pocket and turned to face him fully. "Take your promotion, and take it somewhere else."
He looked at the floor, his mind racing. "Dot, I-"
"I don't care, Bob. I don't care how long it takes or what you have to do. But if you really are my friend, my best friend, you'll do this for me. And if you can't then I will."
He met her steady gaze, and he knew she was serious. There was nothing he could say, nothing he could do, to change her mind now. His perfectly controlled world had crumbled like a house of circuit cards, and he no longer had any ground to stand on.
She took his silence as acceptance. "I'll be back in the morning for my clothes." And without another word, she headed for the door and out into the storm.