Chapter 8: The Fall

Bob

He turned the knob all the way to the left and gasped as the water turned to ice. Soon his body shivered under the onslaught. It was so cold it hurt, but it was the only way to keep him grounded, to stay away from those memories that beckoned him with growing urgency. His muscles constricted and fought to keep his body warm, but the fantasies overpowered him. His mind slowly slipped back to that night.

Not the night he fell for her. Those memories were only for his weakest moments, when the alcohol flowed enough to drown his guilt. No, he reached out for the safe times, when their friendship just teetered on something more; when he could pull back just before the scale tipped too far.

And of all those near misses, it was the kiss that he returned to most…

...he flew them back to the Diner, and she felt so good in his arms. He laughed as the drink hit her system and made her uncharacteristically silly. He tried to get her safely inside to sleep away the unfortunate turn of events.

And then she kissed him. Threw herself into him and pinned him against the Diner with her delicious body. She left fire everywhere she touched, her heat burning into his fingers, his chest, his lips. It was too much for him. In a moment of weakness, his lips parted under hers.

She tasted as sweet as he remembered, and he wanted so much more.

The frigid water did nothing to douse the flames of his fantasy. This time, he didn't push her away. This time he gave in...

…and pulled her closer. He chased after her tongue with his own, caressing it with swift strokes that mimicked what he wanted to do with his body. She moaned and clung to him, begging for more with her thirsty kisses, and Bob lost himself in the feel of her soft curves under his wandering hands.

Her fingers wove into his hair, pulling his head closer. She ground against him, trying to touch every part of his body with her own. He spun them around, pressing her against the Diner wall, letting her feel his arousal. She moaned deep in her throat at the contact, making his pulse race, and he was ready to take her right there-

Clink!

His eyes flew open and he froze. From the corner of his eye, a hooded figure stood on the other side of the curtain. Somebody was foolish enough to break into his apartment. His eyes narrowed to slits. If they thought he'd be vulnerable in the shower, they were in for a nasty surprise. He tensed; every part of him attuned to the presence, ready to strike.

The shadow moved. Bob burst out through the curtain, snagging the intruder and slamming him back into the shower wall. He forced his elbow in the sprite's throat, pinning his head up into the freezing jet stream.

Whether it was the whiskey or the adrenaline, it took Bob too long to hear her shout of surprise, feel the slenderness of her body, or see the flash of fear in her eyes as she choked against him. "Dot?!" He released her and she splashed down, coughing and sputtering. He seized her waist and moved her away from the jet. "What the Dell are you doing?! I could have hurt you!"

"I came to talk to you," she wheezed.

"Here? Seriously?! I'm not exactly dressed for the occasion!" he snapped, both angry and embarrassed at her intrusion.

She looked up at him, a slight blush in her cheeks. "Yeah, I noticed."

The blood rushed straight to his groin. He grit his teeth and dug his fingers into her hips, pushing her as far back from him as he could. "This isn't funny, Dot."

"I'm not laughing, Bob," she countered, her eyes and voice as serious as his. "I didn't come here planning to jump you in the shower, I just - I saw the picture. Of us."

He tensed.

"And now that I'm here..." she sighed. "Glitch told me everything - wait, let me finish," she rushed. "And then you can throw me out if you want." She took his silence as agreement. "Look, I was wrong. About everything. I get it now, why you did what you did. And I'm here to tell you - no, to ask you - to stop punishing yourself for it."

"I'm not," he lied.

She didn't believe him. "Right. Because getting drunk is just a hobby."

Shift. "You would know," he said flatly. It was a low blow, a defensive reaction to getting caught, and he knew it. But he was in too deep. He couldn't back down now.

She swallowed. "Okay, I deserved that," she said softly, surprising him. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to fix this, and I'm-" At his confused stare, she took a breath. "I know I'm in no position to ask anything of you. But, don't leave. Please. I don't want you to lose your format. I'll never forgive myself. If that means you never want to see me again, or speak to me again, then fine. I'll do it. I'll do anything to make this up to you. Just… don't leave."

It was deja vu -...don't leave me! - and it made his mouth go dry as he remembered her under him, begging him to stay. And here she was again, eyes pleading with him and standing close enough to kiss, and she was still begging him. His head bowed as he realized some things would never change. "Dot, you don't have to do anything."

"But I do, Bob. I got you into this mess. Please, let me get you out."

"You can't."

"Why?"

"I won't let you." He could feel her questioning stare. "You wouldn't understand." He nearly gasped when her cold fingers touched his face, lifting his eyes to meet hers.

"You really hate yourself that much?" she asked gently, her perceptiveness on point as always. "Why? I don't."

And she didn't. He could see it in her eyes, could feel the warmth of her compassion in her gaze. It chipped away at his walls, and the alcohol drowned out the voice of reason. The hours of hiding had taken its toll, and he was tired of the secrets. "You forgot that night," he said slowly. "I didn't. I see it every second. Every night in my dreams. Every time I'm with you, when we talk, or laugh, or…" he trailed off as his eyes glanced at her lips. "Even now, I can't see you without seeing that night, without hearing your voice and remembering every detail. And I can't stop it… because I don't want to."

Her eyes widened.

"You want to know why I hate myself? Because it's the closest I can ever get to you. A memory of you, broken and desperate and drugged, and User, I would have set myself on fire for you that night if you'd asked. And I can't let go of it, because it's all I have. It's all I can ever have."

She shivered. "Bob," she whispered. "You have me."

"No. You deserve better."

She shook her head. "You don't get to decide that."

"I do. Because I can't be with you."

"I know," she whispered, her eyes reflecting with heartache. "I know the rules, Bob. I'm not asking you to break them, or even bend them. Because if anyone deserves to be a Guardian, it's you. Mainframe needs you. Enzo needs you. And they come first."

Her thumb rubbed against his cheek, and his eyes closed at the simple comfort.

"But if you ask me to wait, I'll wait. Until you leave Mainframe, until you change formats, until you're one hundred and lying on your deathbed, I'll wait for you. If you want me to." She took a shivering breath. "Or we end this tonight, and go our separate ways. And if that's what you want - what you truly want - I will accept it. But you don't get to tell me what to do with my heart. It's mine, to give away as I wish." Brazenly, she pressed her forehead against his. "And when you're ready for it, it's yours. Like it's always been."

Her breath tickled his lips and he nearly lost it. Her presence, her words, the whiskey coursing through his system, all hurdled him toward the edge; it was overwhelming and he fought desperately for control. "Dot, I - I..." he breathed against her mouth.

"I know. I love you, too."

His eyes flew open, and she was there, looking at him with so much tenderness it warmed his body straight to his soul. It wasn't a fantasy. She was there, telling him what he longed to hear every second. She was inviting him in, ready to catch him. All he had to do was embrace the fall.

He knew he shouldn't. He knew there would be no going back. He knew nothing would ever be the same again. But he was so tired. He couldn't hold on anymore. He didn't want to. After hours of struggling, he let go.

He tilted his head and stole her lips.

She gasped and moaned. He pressed forward, gently walking her back to the wall. The icy water hit her head, her body stiffening. He moved into the stream, blocking her body with his. The water stabbed him like so many needles but he was numb to the pain when her tongue met his.

It was electric, and they both moaned at the intimate caress. His hands moved up to her face, holding her as he rediscovered her mouth. She tasted so good, her soft gasps and low moans sending sweet vibrations down his spine. Her arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him closer, her fingers burning into his frozen back. Blindly, he reached out and smacked the knob, the water quickly heating up around them.

He hissed and arched his back as the water stung his abused skin. Immediately, her lips trailed kisses along his jaw and down into the hollow of his neck. Her tongue darted out and licked at the water dripping there. His fingers tightened into the soaked material of her hoodie as her tongue danced across his skin. Running his hands down her sides, they slipped under the hoodie to the bottom of her rib cage. Her abs twitched under his thumbs tracing lazy circles in a slow tease on her toned stomach.

She pressed a kiss to his collarbone and pulled back. He looked down and her eyes were so serious staring into his, making him hesitate. Her arms fell away, leaving him cold - until her hands grasped the bottom of her top. Without breaking his gaze, she pulled the sodden hoodie up and over her head. It landed on the floor with a wet plop, but Bob hardly noticed. She kicked her shoes off, one at a time, and her hands moved to the waistband of her pants. They trembled as she grabbed the material.

Something felt wrong. He stilled her hands. She tensed and blushed. "I forgot that night," she whispered suddenly. "You didn't."

He opened his mouth, the question on the tip of his tongue, when it hit him. He was reliving their first time, but for her, it was their first time. She was nervous. Bringing her hands up to his lips, he kissed them lightly. "Too fast," he said. "We shouldn't-"

"No, wait," she pleaded. "Don't send me away again."

The words hit his heart. He didn't want them to rush into this, and she misunderstood him, but it shouldn't have surprised him. She expected him to push her away. The longer he stared, the clearer he could see her conflicting emotions: the desire, the nervousness, the fear of rejection.

Well, that wouldn't do.

Gently, he lifted her arms up and over his neck. His fingertips trailed down her arms and her bare sides, making her breath catch. He wound his arms around her slender waist, leaned forward to catch her lips once more, and he pulled her body into his. She came willingly, her fingers tightening on the back of his neck. He kissed her until the tension left her body. Slowly, he lifted her and turned her into the spray.

Her head fell back with a gasp as the warm water cascaded over her cool skin. She shivered again and sighed at the sensations. His hands slid up her back and moved in slow circles over her skin, warming her up from the outside in. His head dipped down and kissed her exposed neck, thrilling at the soft moans he drew from her.

Bending her back, he moved further down the delicate skin of her sternum. He peppered her with kisses and the occasional sweep of his tongue, each lick making her hands squeeze into his shoulders with delicious pressure. His lips brushed over the tops of her bra, nearly see through and heaving under his administrations. He pressed his tongue into the valley of her breasts, and licked up with deliberate slowness.

She bucked against him, and he groaned as she pressed against his desire. Her fingers dug into his shoulders, and she moved against him again. He tightened his grip around her waist, stilling her. Looking up beneath his bangs, he saw her head back and mouth open, lost in the sensations. As if feeling his stare, she looked at him through half-lidded eyes, heavy with desire. Her tongue darted out, wetting her lush lips, and he chased after it. His lips crushed up against hers.

Her fingers dug into his arms, legs buckling with the intensity of the kiss. It overwhelmed her, drawing the most delicious sounds from her throat. He pulled her close, his need for her undeniable. She broke away for air and he latched his lips to her neck, needing to taste her again. Any part, every part.

ActiveX didn't drug him that night. Dot did. The headiest addiction, the greatest high, and separation drove the worst withdrawal. He didn't deserve her, and he'd pay for it later. His guilt would make sure of that. But until then, she was there, hot blooded and wet, and she needed him.

He wouldn't let her down again.

Her hips bucked in anticipation, one leg coming up to wrap around his thigh. He growled into her neck. He reached under her knee and lifted her leg higher. She arched her back, fingers digging into his shoulders. He was so close to her now, but still not close enough. His mouth trailed down her neck, tongue licking away each drop of water as he rediscovered her perfect body.

She moaned, long and low. His body tightened, all those noises slowly driving him mad, but he needed more. She needed more. She deserved it. And he would deliver.

He lifted her up and moved her against the shower wall. Releasing her leg, he gave her lips another bruising kiss and his fingers worked deftly at her bra. It fell to the side, forgotten in an instant. She tensed and he slowed his kisses, his tongue dancing languidly with hers.

His hands rested on her waist, fingers still and waiting for her permission. He'd waited this long, he knew he could wait forever if that's what it took. Slowly, she relaxed into him, and her hands moved over his. She moved them up.

He followed her lead and bit his lips as his hands brushed the soft, heavy skin of her breasts. She gasped and he groaned as they molded into his hands. Gently, he moved over the sensitive skin, his thumbs teasing over the tips and drawing them to sharp points. Her body moved with his, chasing after his hands as they moved.

He pulled away to her groan of disappointment. Swiftly, his lips caught her left breast, and she cried out as she arched into him. His tongue swirled slowly around the skin, his tempo adjusting with the pace of her breaths. He moved to the other breast and lavished it with equal attention.

Slowly, he pulled away from her chest and started down her body, kissing, licking, nipping the expanse of her smooth wet skin. His tongue teased a circle around her belly button, and he delighted in the way her stomach tightened under his mouth. He licked across the top of her soaked pants, and he looked up.

Her chest was heaving and she nodded, all nervousness gone. He hooked his fingers into the waistband of her pants and her thin underwear beneath. Gently, he pulled the material down over her slender hips, his stomach tightening in anticipation. She held his shoulder as she stepped out with one foot, then the other. Tossing the clothes aside, he settled to his knees and graced her with a mischievous smile. He held her confused gaze as his tongue wet his lips, then he leaned forward and licked up her right thigh.

She jumped and nearly cried out, her fingers digging back into the shower wall to hold herself up. Wanting to make her squirm again, he paused at her left thigh, his mouth hovering over her tattoo. Gently he traced its outline, delighting in her gasp. One hand traveled down her outer thigh, cupping her at the knee and lifting her leg over his shoulder.

"Bob, wait, I - you don't have to do this," she stuttered, her voice breathless with renewed nerves.

He chuckled up at her. "Funny, you said the same thing last time. I didn't listen then, either." Her eyes widened, pupils darkening in sudden anticipation. It thrilled him to no end.

He licked, and she cried out in sweet pleasure. Her fingers pulled hard against his hair, her control rapidly failing. She moaned and panted and pressed herself against his tongue, completely unashamed by her behavior.

It was breaking Bob's resolve faster than he could handle. He pulled away before she came, a whimper falling from her. She looked down at him, lip between teeth, eyes half closed and pleading for him to keep going. He stood and commandeered her lips, kissing her with everything he had.

He needed her. He needed to be inside her. He couldn't wait any longer or he'd leave her behind. And that was unacceptable. He reached his hands under her and lifted her up, her legs nestled around his lean waist. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed against him, rubbing wantonly in a way he'd only dreamt about. He pinned her against the wall and kissed her deeply. He lined himself up, ready to thrust - and stopped.

He tore his lips back and dropped his head to her shoulder. He panted, body straining with need, but his heart wouldn't let him go any further. Fear, doubt, regret swelled up in his belly and he couldn't do it. He couldn't ruin her again.

Fingers grazed his brow. Her hand cradled his face and her lips brushed his ear. She kissed there, tongue dancing lightly around the earlobe, her offering comfort this time to his hesitation. He moaned at the touches, breathing harder with the exertion of holding back when he wanted to let go. Then her voice, so soft, so kind. "I trust you." She pulled his face to hers and kissed him so gently, he almost lost the strength to hold her.

His heart broke and he filled her with one quick thrust. She cried out, and he froze. A throaty moan followed; her body bucked against his, grinding in all the right places. Her lips sought his once more and she sucked on his tongue with a near desperation.

He kissed her back and moved, slow and steady, then faster, the rhythm quickly falling away as the sensations overcame him. But he couldn't leave her behind. She broke the kiss first, her head resting against his as she struggled to keep her breath. Her eyes were closed, mouth open, cheeks flushed and lips plump with his bruising kisses. She looked so beautiful; she always looked so beautiful. And she settled for him.

He didn't deserve her. She let him love her anyway. His mind flashed back to a moment just like this hours before, when he begged her for one thing, just one thing. The thought pushed him to the edge. He couldn't hold back anymore. But he couldn't leave her behind. Never again.

"Dot," he breathed, his voice gruff with emotion he swore he'd never feel again. Her eyes opened, the violet almost lost in the black of her pupils. "I love you."

Her face registered shock and he kissed her with everything he'd been hiding for those long, lonely hours, when she'd been close enough to touch and always out of reach. He put his whole heart into that kiss, searing his love into her soul.

She came with a scream, and he followed.

When the world righted itself, Bob felt Dot's skin hot under his forehead. Her heart thundered in her chest and her panting breaths matched his. Her hand moved up behind his neck and she pressed her lips against his hair.

"Did you mean it?" she whispered.

His breath paused. Slowly, he lifted his head and looked at her. Her face was flushed, her eyes dark and satiated but wary. He realized what he'd done and knew there was no turning back. "Yes," he said softly.

Her brow furrowed, and she searched his eyes. "Then why do you look so sad?"

She was so perceptive. He pressed his forehead to hers, to hide from her eyes that saw down into his soul. "I'm sorry," he answered. "I'm sorry for everything. I never wanted to hurt you."

"I know. Glitch made that quite clear," she said wryly. He sighed, his head shaking slowly at the news. "And I'm glad he did. It's time to stop blaming yourself. But," she said gently, her head pulling back to look him in the eye again, "no more secrets. Okay?"

He looked down and nodded once. "I promise." And he would keep that promise… one second.

She pulled his face close and kissed him lightly, the soft touch drawing a low moan from him. He felt himself responding to that touch, the high slowly building again. Then his arms trembled, the adrenaline rush long gone. Without breaking the kiss, he set her down and wrapped his arms around her back.

She shivered, and he pulled away. He nodded his head toward the towels and she smiled. She stepped out, curling an oversized towel around her shoulders. He turned off the water and grabbed the other towel, wrapping it low on his hips. Her eyes met his in the mirror.

Dot's mouth turned up at the corner, the smallest smile breaking through. She hung her towel and walked out of the bathroom, her bare bottom making Bob bite his lip. He was surprised it hadn't started bleeding yet. He followed her out and just caught her walking into his closet. He leaned against the wall, arms crossed as he waited.

She stepped out wearing one of his shirts. It was large on her, stopping mid-thigh. She glanced up at him and blushed, smoothing the shirt out. That small smile ghosted across her perfect lips again. She reached in the closet and pulled something out, tossing them to him. He looked down at a pair of cotton sleep pants.

He glanced up and her blush deepened. It made his mouth go dry. He went back in the bathroom and changed, catching a glimpse of himself before he went out. He smoothed his silver strands back and noticed his own cheeks were the slightest pink.

What was he, 12?

He shook his head and turned the light off. The bedroom was dark except for the night light by his bed. The rain continued to patter lightly against the window, its repetitive tapping oddly comforting. He looked at the bed and Dot was sitting up, the covers already wrapped across her legs. Her face was half hidden in the shadows, the night light falling just short of her chin. It disappointed him; he couldn't see if that blush had spread. But the way he felt her eyes on him pretty much answered that.

She lifted her arm and beckoned him over. He approached slowly, his body warming despite the cool night air. He slipped his hand into hers and let her pull him down on the bed. He moved the covers over them and she turned the light out. Without a sound, she settled down into the soft sheets and pressed her back into his chest. She grabbed his arm and pulled it across her waist. His hand came up to her lips and she kissed the knuckles gently.

He squeezed his arm across her waist, pulling her as close to him as he could, no part of him without a part of her. His lips brushed her bare neck and she shivered. He smiled and kissed the delicate skin again, rewarding him with another shiver and soft moan.

Then exhaustion washed over him, and Bob drifted into his first peaceful sleep since the night he left Mainframe.