Hey all. A BIG thank you to everyone who has reviewed. I really do appreciate hearing what you think and I take all of your comments into consideration. I've made this chapter extra long as a thank you and I really hope you like it :) please review this chapter, I'd love to hear what you think. Thanks for reading!

Olivia glanced over at Amanda as they pulled up outside her apartment building. The blonde was sitting tensely in the passenger seat, Olivia's coat pulled protectively across her. She didn't seem to have noticed that the car had stopped.

"Amanda," Olivia said softly, not wanting to startle the other woman, "we're here."

Amanda turned her head slowly and sad eyes met Olivia's, "It's okay Olivia, I just wanna go home," she said quietly, she didn't want to do this. Not at all.

Olivia shook her head softly, "I'm sorry, I can't let you be on your own, come on," she said, rubbing Amanda's shoulder slightly in an attempt to relax her, "You'll be more comfortable in my apartment than sitting in the car,"

Olivia saw Amanda shake her head, but she reached down to unbuckle her seatbelt anyway. Amanda paused momentarily, an unspoken question resting on her lips.

"Brian?" Amanda whispered.

"He's gone back to his place, it's just you and me, alright." Olivia soothed, giving Amanda a reassuring smile.

"I'm sorry," Amanda mumbled.

"It's okay," Olivia reassured her as she got out of the car. She opened the door on Amanda's side and offered her arm to help her up. Amanda refused and struggled to her feet, the pain and effort etched onto her bruised face.

It was slow going with Amanda's refusal of help but eventually they made it to Olivia's apartment. Olivia flicked the light switch as she walked in, flooding the room with light.

Amanda stepped in and stood awkwardly against the hall wall. She could count on one hand the amount of times she had been inside Olivia's apartment, this made number four. Despite now being in the grips of a raging hangover, Amanda could feel the adrenaline and apprehension running through her body. She knew that Olivia was going to ask her to make a statement and right now it was the last thing she wanted to do.

Olivia turned to shut the door and caught sight of Amanda. She was standing with her back against the wall, the coat still cocooning her, as if protecting her. Olivia could see how tense Amanda was with every breath the blonde took, she recognised the look in her blue eyes, as one that indicated she could bolt at any second.

Knowing better than to push for the statement at this minute, Olivia tried a different tactic, "Do you want a shower?" she asked kindly, and she saw Amanda suck in a breath at the offer.

Without hesitation, Amanda nodded in agreement. A shower was exactly what she wanted. She'd have time to herself, to clean the filth from herself, maybe wash away some of the hangover, and more importantly, figure out what she was going to say to Olivia.

Olivia motioned for Amanda to follow her into the bedroom. The bed was unmade, a tell tale sign that the most recent occupant had left in a hurry. Amanda felt incredibly guilty that Olivia had kicked Brian out, but at the same time she was relieved because she was barely handling Olivia seeing her in this state. She didn't even want to think about the rest of the team right now. Just the thought of them knowing was almost too much to bear.

Rummaging around in her wardrobe, Olivia managed to find something that would fit Amanda well enough, simple sweat pants and a t shirt. "these should fit," Olivia said, motioning to the folded clothes then grabbing a couple of clean towels. Amanda just nodded and followed her into the bathroom.

"Take as long as you need okay?" Olivia said, and Amanda nodded again. Olivia gave her a small smile and stepped out, leaving Amanda alone with her thoughts.

Deliberately avoiding the mirror, Amanda reached in and turned the shower on. Ideally she would have had it burning hot, but the last thing she wanted was to faint in the shower so she settled for a medium setting. Undressing proved to be as painful as dressing had been. Getting rid of the coat was easy enough but she struggled to extricate herself from the scrubs and found herself twisting awkwardly to save herself from the worst of the pain. Everywhere hurt and her head was pounding, from the concussion and from the hangover. She closed her eyes and sighed, she would give anything to be able to start the night over.

"Damn it," Amanda whispered, as she fought back tears that prickled behind her closed eyelids, "damn it."

She climbed into the shower, gasping as the pressure of the water hit the tender flesh of her back. Careful of the dressing on her face she tipped her head back, soaking her hair. Still not letting her tears fall she reached for the shampoo, determined to wash every trace of him away.

Olivia glanced at the clock on the wall and sighed. Amanda had been in the shower for just over half an hour. Which was a perfectly normal time except Olivia was worried because Amanda had a concussion. Taking a sip of coffee, Olivia decided to wait another 15 minutes then go and check on her. The last thing she wanted was to rush Amanda. She had to build upon the trust the blonde had put in her. Something was niggling at Olivia, she knew there was some reason why Amanda was holding back; she wasn't sure if whatever had happened in Atlanta was the reason, her gut was telling her there was something else too.

In the end, Olivia didn't have to go and check because Amanda appeared in the doorway less than 10 minutes later. Despite having rolled over the waistband of the sweatpants a couple of times the material pooled at the shorter detectives feet. The t shirt was a little big too. The outfit coupled with the lost look on Amanda's face made her look like a little girl and Olivia fought a maternal urge to rush over and hug her.

Instead she poured out a glass of water and took it over to Amanda. Amanda accepted the glass gratefully and took a sip and allowed herself to be guided over to the couch in the middle of the room. She was so exhausted and in pain, and as Amanda sank down into the comfortable cushions she wondered if she would ever have the strength to stand up again.

Olivia opened a bottle of pain pills they'd stopped by the pharmacy to pick up and held 2 out to Amanda.

"These should help ease your pain a little," Olivia said as Amanda swallowed the pills.

Instead of sitting next to Amanda on the couch, Olivia sat on the coffee table so she could be opposite her. Amanda suddenly noticed the tape recorder that was on the table and Olivia must have caught the panicked expression on her face because she reached out and gently held Amanda's hands in her own.

"Honey I know you're tired, but do you think you could tell me what happened? Just an overview while it's still fresh in your memory?"

Everything in Amanda's head was screaming no, but she'd already set the ball rolling. She'd allowed the rape kit, she'd let Olivia call it in to SVU. Even if she didn't make a statement, people would still find out.

"I – uh," Amanda stuttered, not entirely sure where to start. She saw Olivia flicked the 'record' button on the recorder and another wave of panic rolled over her.

"It's okay," Olivia reassured her, "take your time Amanda,"

"Before I was at the bar, I was – I was at a casino Liv," Amanda admitted, and she hated the words as they came out of her mouth but she knew she had to be truthful.

Olivia sat back slightly in shock. That would definitely explain why Amanda had been so unwilling to cooperate. As far as Olivia knew, Cragen had only given Amanda one chance when it came to the gambling. This revelation had consequences that reached far further than just this case. Still, the priority was Amanda's assault, and telling Amanda off for falling was the worst thing Olivia could do, from their brief conversation earlier, Olivia knew that Amanda was already blaming herself enough.

"Okay," Olivia said calmly, "we can deal with that, when we need to okay?" Olivia said, "I know you've had a tough couple of days, I'll talk to Cragen. Amanda please don't worry about that for now,"

Amanda let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding at Olivia's offer of help. She hadn't expected such a calm reaction from the brunette detective. She wasn't entirely convinced that even Olivia would be able to help her sort that mess out with Cragen but for the moment her reassurance that she would try was enough. Amanda took another sip of water before she continued, her throat was so dry.

"I met him there, at the casino," Amanda said, screwing her face up at the memory.

"Can you describe him?" Olivia asked gently. She still had hold of Amanda's hands and she felt them begin to shake as she asked her question.

"He was- uh, his name is Stephen, he's white, tall, 5'10" or 5'11" maybe," Amanda took a shuddering breath as she tried to recall the details of her attacker, "short black hair, his eyes w-were so green, I remember asking him if he had coloured contacts in." Amanda paused, closing her eyes briefly. Recalling the details was causing an uncomfortable sensation to settle in the pit of her stomach. She was already feeling nauseous and this wasn't helping.

"You're doing great, just take your time," Olivia said soothingly, her voice calm and even.

"Blue jeans, a white shirt, uh- he had a tattoo on his left arm, it was a number and a cross," Amanda started reeling off the details quickly, trying not to linger too much on them, and Olivia was glad she'd decided to use the recorder instead of taking notes. This was she wouldn't miss anything.

"I can't remember the number," Amanda said, shaking her head, "a Batman belt buckle," she said with a shudder. That was one detail she would never forget, "I-I can't remember anything else," Amanda said with defeat in her voice.

"That's okay, we'll call in a sketch artist in tomorrow, see if we can get something down on paper," Olivia explained, and winced slightly in anticipation of her next question. The brunette detective knew she was going fast, but she also knew that Amanda would need to rest soon and the more details she got before then, the better. "Can you tell me what happened?" she asked, giving Amanda's hands a gentle squeeze.

Amanda closed her eyes and sighed, "I flirted with him, I made the first move. I accepted the drinks when he bought me them. God, Liv I let myself get so wasted," Amanda said, getting frustrated with herself.

"This is not your fault," Olivia insisted, as she had done hundreds of times before, "it doesn't matter how much you had to drink, or if you flirted alright? I know you know this Amanda, you need to stop blaming yourself,"

Amanda just shook her head at Olivia's words but she continued anyway, "we left and went to this bar, Callahan's, and I let him keep buying me drinks." Amanda's faced screwed up in disgust, "but then it started to get late, and I – I already knew I was going to have a hangover. I didn't want to drink anymore."

Olivia had been watching Amanda get more and more worked up as she continued to relay the events leading up to her assault. The blonde shivered slightly, and Olivia reached for the blanket on the arm of the sofa and draped it over Amanda's shoulders.

"What happened next?" Olivia prompted.

Amanda clutched the blanket as it was put around her shoulders. She was grateful for the instant warmth it gave, "I told him I was leaving and he just assumed he was going with me. So I told him no. He acted like it was fine, said he was gonna wait with me while I got a cab. I should have known," Amanda shook her head, "I should have known."

Tears began to pool in Amanda's eyes as she thought about what happened next, "I couldn't stand up properly and I c-couldn't fight when… he pulled me into the alley. He pushed me to my knees and said I had a chance to redeem myself," Amanda was talking quickly now, the pace of her words matching the racing of her heart and Olivia just let her talk, interrupting her or asking questions would be useless.

"He unzipped his pants, h-held… my hair, told me not to be stupid,"

Olivia's heart dropped at Amanda's words. They were bringing up unwanted memories of Olivia's own assault at Sealview. Swallowing a newly formed lump in her throat, Olivia regained her composure and gave Amanda a reassuring look.

"I said no," Amanda whispered, "so he got real angry, hitting me, I tried, I couldn't fight him, then he hit my head against the concrete, when I came to h-he…was,"

"Slow down," Olivia said calmly. Amanda was talking so fast and getting so worked up that her breathing was becoming irregular and Olivia wanted to avoid dealing with a full blown panic attack if she could help it.

"h-he was, I couldn't… too s-strong… h-he… ra- ra…," Amanda fought to get her words out. Between furiously trying to blink back the tears that were threatening to fall and the panic she felt at recalling the attack she'd lost control over her breathing. Each sharp breath produced a stabbing pain in her ribs, which then made it impossible to take another even breath. The situation was just compounding itself and Amanda could see Olivia's concerned face, she heard as Olivia was telling her to slow down, but she just couldn't do it.

Olivia reached and grasped Amanda's hands, working them loose from the blanket she was currently clutching, and held them tightly, trying to ground the blonde back in reality.

"Amanda, you've gotta slow down okay," Olivia spoke clearly and calmly, a stark contrast to the panicking woman in front of her. Amanda shook her head, terror flashing in her eyes as she took in less oxygen with every breath.

"…can't," Amanda wheezed, holding desperately on to Olivia's hands.

"Yes you can sweetheart," Olivia reassured her, "you need to take one big deep breath, you can do that."

"hurts."

"I know honey, come on, one big breath," Olivia coaxed.

Concentration became etched on Amanda's face as she tried to do as Olivia was telling her. Finally she managed to take in a painful but longer breath and Olivia was counting for her, helping her to calm down. Eventually Amanda's breathing was almost back to normal, save for the occasional wheeze. She found herself unable to meet Olivia's gaze, embarrassed at what had just happened. Amanda pulled her hands back and wrapped them around herself protectively.

"Liv can we stop, please?" Amanda asked, though Olivia had already made the decision to end the interview for now.

"Sure, you must be exhausted," Olivia observed, "let me just go and fix the bed."

"The couch is fine," Amanda protested, though she knew it would fall on deaf ears.

"No it's not, I'll just be a minute," Olivia replied, disappearing from view.

Amanda sighed and put her head in her hands, wincing as she unwittingly put pressure on her bruised eye. She had no idea how she was going to get through this.